The departure from Winterfell had been delayed a week because of Bran's fall. Lady Catelyn refused to leave the room or allow visitors. The mood of Winterfell had shifted. What used to feel like a joyous home, turned into a castle of shadows. Everything was dreary, even the wolves seemed impacted by the sudden shift.
I prayed to the old gods that Bran would get better, that he would wake, but I was glad for the delay. Jon and I spent every spare second we could with one another. We had even taken to sharing a bed every night, but only for sleep. Though we were very madly in love with one another, which was obvious to all who saw us interact, we weren't quite ready to cross that bridge. Besides, I was content with sleeping on his chest, feeling his heartbeat underneath me. But there was a sense of urgency and pressure to do more. Time was running thin.
Once Jon left for the wall and took his vows, we would never be allowed to share a bed. And once I left for the south, for King's Landing there was a chance we would never see one another. I would be pawned off to some lord or that. It seemed that if we ever were going to do such things, it would be now. But we were still just children. Neither one of us was ready to take that large step forward.
Winter and Ghost seemed to be aware of their impending separation. They refused to leave each other alone, doing everything together, sleeping, eating, hunting. Through all of it, they never left their companion's side. They were bonded to one another, as anyone could see. I got asked frequently how I could tell them apart because they were so alike they seemed to be a single wolf. But for me, and Jon I suspected, it was easy to tell. It was their eyes. Ghost had red eyes, like fire or burning embers while Winter's eyes were blue as ice. One look and you could tell which wolf was approaching. It hurt to see the two together sometimes. They looked so happy being with one another. They didn't even bother to play with their other siblings, just each other, like they were all they had in the world. It pained me to think of the day when they'd leave each other. I tried my best not to think about it but the thought remained. Would they be reunited at a later point in time?
I laid in bed with Jon, unable to calm my racing thoughts. It was early in the morning, too early to be awake, but I couldn't shake my thoughts. I was still weak, the cold unbearable to be in for too long, but I needed to clear my head. The heat of the room was too comforting. We had been living on a small warm island separated from the rest of Winterfell, I had to face reality, as much as I dreaded it. Who could think about such serious matters clearly in a state of bliss?
"What's wrong?" Jon asked, moving his hands through my hair. My head was laying on his bare chest. It got too warm in here for him so when we slept he often times removed his shirt. My fingers absentmindedly traced over his stomach.
"Just feeling a bit couped up is all" I mumble, trying to gather my thoughts.
"I'm sorry, but it is for your own good. When the sun comes up and it gets warmer we can go for a walk if you like" he says, slowly stroking my hair. It was hypnotic, the way his fingers felt when they ran through my hair. So soothing and comforting, I could feel myself about to fall back asleep but I resisted the urge.
"I miss seeing the sunrise from the broken tower" I whispered, continuing to move my fingers over his bare skin.
"I know, but it's too cold for you to be wandering about in the mornings" he answered, continuing to stroke my hair.
"I want to see it...before we leave," I said, feeling my eyelids start to grow heavy. I tried to fight off the feeling more and more but it was getting harder. Gods, why did his touch lull me so?
"You will, I promise" He whispered. I felt him lean down and place a gentle kiss on the top of my head. I scooted up, so the top of my head was closer to his chin. He pulled up the furs, engulfing me in the warmth both they and him provided. With the closing of my eyes, I was fast asleep.
"Jon, Emylea!"
I slowly opened my eyes, feeling tired as I turned my head to peek over Jon's chest. Robb stood to the right of Jon, looking down at us with a knowing smile.
"Is everything okay? Is it Bran?" I ask, wiping the sleep from my eyes, sitting up slowly in the bed.
"Bran is still sleeping, it's Father. He wants a word with you as soon as you're able. He said to dress nice," Robb says looking at me.
"She's still sick Robb," Jon says, sitting up as well with a faint blush appearing on his cheeks.
"I'm fine Jon, I can handle seeing Lord Eddrd" I mumble my voice sounding a bit faint.
"Yeah Jon, she'll be fine," Robb said with a grin. Jon only gave him an annoyed glance.
"Well don't you look cozy?"
We turned to the door and saw Theon Greyjoy stroll in with a smirk on his lips. I rolled my eyes.
"Get out Theon" I grumbled, not feeling up to listening to his smart tongue.
"Oh no! Did Jon leave you sore? Is that why you're acting so moody?" Theon asked with a laugh. Jon and I looked at him in annoyance. At the beginning of the week we were all blushes but after a while, we became accustomed to it. People talked, and what we did was our business alone.
"Out Greyjoy or I'll have Ghost show you the door" Jon snapped. Ghost lifted up his head at the sound of his name. He and Winter were currently sleeping in front of the fire. Ghost growled and bared his teeth at Theon, making him step back.
"Alright, no need to make a fuss" Theon grumbled before he left the room with Robb following behind.
"What a wonderful way to start the morning," I say with a sarcastic smile as Jon moves to get out of bed. He chuckles at my words. I lay back down on the spot he left behind, humming at the warmth that was there.
"You better get up or you'll be late," Jon says as I watch him pull on his shirt. He glances at me with a smile. I sigh and slowly sit back up, pulling away the blankets to expose my nightshift. We both dress silently, Jon helping me to tie the straps at the back of my grey dress. I pull on my shoes and furs, being sure to cover my hair with the fur-lined hood.
"I better go alone," I tell Jon, turning to face him as we move to leave the room. He gives me a reassuring smile as we leave and we both walk our separate ways. The wolves chose to go with Jon. I watched as they walked away, pulling the furs tighter around my body as I turn and make my way to Lord Stark's chambers.
I climbed up to the Lord and Lady's chambers taking a deep breath as I knock on the wood door.
"Come in" Lord Stark calls from the other side. I slowly open the door and do my best not to panic or stumble when I see the King and Queen sitting at a table with Ned standing on the other side of the room. I cautiously shut the door behind me and slowly make my way towards the table.
"You summoned me, My Lord? Your Graces" I say, doing a low curtsy, praying my hair was well covered and keeping my eyes trained on the floor.
"Look at me. And remove your hood" the King orders, looking at me sternly. I hesitate, fearing my life would end here in this room.
"It's alright child, do as he says," Ned Stark tells me with a reassuring look. I slowly move up my hands and carefully remove my white, fur-lined hood. Revealing my white, silvery hair underneath. I look up at the King and I can feel the hatred radiating off of him as he stared into my violet eyes.
"So it's true. Seven hells Ned you told me you killed the girl!" the King bellows, his rage seeming to shake the chamber walls.
"You asked me to murder an innocent child. I could not blame the girl for her father's crimes" Lord Stark says calmly, trying to curb the King's anger.
"Damn you and your honor. What's her name?" the King asked, turning to Lord Stark as if I wasn't in the room.
"She is Rhaella Targaryen, second of her name. But I renamed her Emylea Snow, so as not to draw suspicion" Ned answered, chills crawling up my spine. I never thought I had a different name...I've never considered the idea that I was meant to be someone else. That at one time I was actually a princess.
"Hm," The King huffed, turning back to look at me suspicion in his eyes. He seemed almost afraid of me, but I'm sure I was misreading his eyes. How could I scare him? I was only 16, a mere girl. Maybe I reminded him of the past, of what my brother did to his love.
"She should be put to death, she rivals our rule as long as she's alive" The Queen spits, looking at me in disgust. I wasn't sure who hated me more, the King or the Queen. Her stare was more intense than any I've endured before. It took everything in my not to shiver underneath it.
"Quiet, I'm the King, and gods be damned, Ned's right. Look at her Cersei, she's but a child, a small pale shivering child" The King grumbles, continuing to stare at me. But the Queen did not look satisfied. If anything she seemed to hate me all the more.
"Girl, do you pledge fielty to me and name me rightful King of the Seven Kingdoms?" The King asked.
"Yes your Grace, you are the one true king" I answer.
"There. She names me King. She can accompany us as my ward, she'll be Lady Rhaella Targaryen now. Once she has proved her loyalty to the crown, she'll wed your son Ned, your eldest one not the bastard. There, the matter is settled and done" The King grumbled, grabbing his cup off the small table the queen was sitting at and taking a long drink from it.
"Thank you, your Grace," I whisper.
"You're dismissed, we leave in two days," he says with a lazy wave of his hand. I curtsy once more, turning and leaving the room. I feel tears well up in my eyes as I walk down the corridor. My chest felt tight and there was a pain in my stomach. I run quickly down the hall and out into the courtyard, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe.
"Emylea?"
I turn and see Robb and Jon standing in the courtyard, looking at me with worried eyes. I run over to Jon and wrap my arms around his chest, wishing this was only a dream. Leaving Jon is one thing, being forced to marry his brother, Robb is another. Not that Robb wasn't a fine young man, but I didn't want to be married to him. I didn't want to marry anyone unless it was Jon.
"Please Jon, don't let them do this" I beg, my voice cracking from my tears.
"Do what? What's happened?" He asks, gently easing me away from his chest to look into my tear filled eyes. I couldn't answer. It took everything in me not to sob. I was being held together by a thread, and it just got a little thinner.
"I-I" I choke, trying to pull myself back together.
"I'm going to be wed to Robb" I cry, burying my head into his chest. I can feel his chest tense up underneath my head. He takes a deep breath.
"Did you know about this?" Jon snaps, but Robb stays silent.
"Did you?!" Jon shouts again. His chest shaking with anger.
"No! I swear I knew nothing about this!" Robb shouts back. Everything goes silent. The world just seems to freeze in place. I can feel my body start to spasm, half from cold, half from fear.
"You should take her back to her chambers, she shouldn't be out in the cold" Robb mumbles quietly. Jon says nothing. He grabs my hand and pulls me back into the castle. He leads me back to my chambers, shutting the door behind us, leaving the wolves to their business in the courtyard.
I slowly sit on the bed, the shock freezing my body as Jon gets the fire started back up again. I sit their, shuddering and shaking. The tears stopped, making me feel empty inside. I had nothing left. I didn't even have the hope of being reunited with Jon one day, I was being sold to Robb. Even if he was a sweet boy, I loved him like a brother, not the way Jon and I are. Nothing could compare to that.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jon asks softly, slowly taking a seat to my left. I stay silent, staring off into space.
"Emylea, please" Jon silently begs, setting his right hand on top of my clasped ones.
"It's Rhaella, actually. Apparently, that's my given name. I'm not Emylea anymore, I'm Lady Rhaella Targaryen, second of her name. Betrothed to Robb Stark future L-" I break off, the tears returning once more and a sob catching the words in my throat.
"A name doesn't change who you are. You're still my Emylea. You're still the same woman I fell in love with" he tells me, gently squeezing my hands.
"But I'm not yours, I'm Robb's. Oh, gods, I'm going to marry Robb Stark" I sob, turning to Jon and crying into his right shoulder.
"Robb's not bad. He'll be good to you, give you everything...everything you want" Jon says, his voice breaking towards the end. The weight of the situation was catching up with him.
"I don't want to marry Robb Stark, I want to marry you" I cry. Praying to every God I could name, praying to them to not let this be.
"You couldn't marry me...I'm just the bastard of Winterfell, I'm a Snow. You're a princess, a Targaryen. You couldn't marry someone like me, someone of my title" He whispers, the pain eminent in his voice.
"Fuck titles. You are the one I love, Jon. You are the only man I've ever wanted to marry. You are it, there could never be anyone else. No love could compare to the love I feel for you" I say, pulling back to look into his soft chocolate eyes. His left-hand moves, cupping my cheek and wiping away my tears.
"You, are all I've ever wanted. You are my life Emylea, I would do anything for you" he whispers, bringing a soft smile to my lips. I slowly lean forward, bringing my lips to his. His cool lips move with my warm ones.
All of my stress disappears as the kiss continues. It's slow and soft, full of love. I moved closer. I lifted my right leg up so I was straddling his lap. He breaks away.
"We can't...Robb-" he begins, but I break him off with a kiss.
"Robb will understand. Please, Jon...I want you to be my first" I whisper, connecting our lips back together. The fire and passion returns, he breaks away once more.
"What if you get with child?" he asks worriedly.
"If I should be so lucky, to have a part of you with me, always" I mumble, cupping his cheeks in my hands.
"This isn't right, we aren't wed. If anyone finds out, that you're spoiled-"
"It'll be our secret. Please, Jon, make love to me" I beg, bringing his lips back to my own. His arms wrap around me, holding me firmly in place as his lips play with mine.
"Stand up" he whispers in my ear after placing a quick kiss on my cheek. I obey, moving off of his lap to stand before him. He stands up as well, making me step back. His hands move up to my fur cloak, unfastening it, and making it pool at my feet. He walks behind me and sets a gentle hand on my right shoulder as if asking for my permission. I pull my white hair forward over my left shoulder, giving him full access to the laces on my back.
I feel goose pimples prickle my skin as he slowly unties the laces, placing the occasional kiss on my shoulder and neck as he does so. Once he's finished I shrug the dress off my shoulders, making it pool at my feet with my cloak. I slowly turn to face him, my naked body covered with goose pimples, the only thing left on my body is the necklace he got me. I watch as his eyes roam over my body, making me blush.
"You're absolutely beautiful" he whispers, looking at me with love filled eyes. I tentatively moved my hands under his shirt, letting my hands explore his toned stomach. He quickly pulls his shirt off and moves forward, reconnecting our lips. His lips soon move from mine to my neck, and down the valley of my breasts as he moves to kneel before me. His hands held onto my hips as his lips make their way down my stomach and to my sex, making me gasp.
My hands move to his raven black curls, lightly tugging on them. A moan leaves his lips and courses through my body, making me shudder. A few moans leave my lips as his kissing turns into sucking and his tongue moving against me. As my thighs continue to shudder his grip tightens on my hips, holding me firmly in place. Right as I'm about to fall over the edge he stops. I continue to feel shaky as he rises back to his feet, his lips glistening with my wetness. I only stand there, trying to regain my breath as he smiles at me. I quickly reconnect our lips, tasting myself on his lips.
While we kiss I move my hands to his pants, unbuckling them and pushing them off his waist. I hear them hit the floor with the rest of our clothing. He pulls me into him, our naked bodies pressed up next to one another as we continue to kiss. I can feel his hardness pressing against me. He bends down, not breaking our kiss and picks me up. I giggle and instantly wrap my legs around his waist, my arms loosely wrapped around his neck. We break apart and stare into one another's eyes. His eyes seemed darker, full of lust. He carries me to the bed and gently lays me down on the furs, climbing on top of me and reconnecting our lips reconnect. He stops and looks lovingly into my eyes.
We continue to look into one another's eyes as he positions himself in front of my entrance.
"Are you sure?" he asks, looking at me for any signs of doubt.
"Yes," I answer. My eyes can't help but close as a gasp leaves my lips at his entering me. He stops.
"Am I hurting you?" he asks, immediately stopping his movements, making me open my eyes, seeing his concern.
"No, you can keep going" I whisper, gasping once more when he continues. He fills me up completely, making me feel whole. He clasps our hands together, holding onto mine tightly as he stays still, allowing me to adjust. After a second I open my eyes and stare into his.
"You can move" I whisper softly, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. An almost overwhelming amount of pleasure goes through me as he starts to slowly thrust in and out. The pain faded with each thrust until it was only pleasure. He kept the speed slow, making sure I felt him with each thrust. We moaned each other's names as he made love to me. Our lips meshed into one until we both cried out in pleasure as he spilled into me, the pleasure overwhelming us.
Once we finished, we got under the covers and he held me in his arms, like all the nights before. My head resting on his bare chest. I tiredly lifted up my head to look at him with a lazy smile on my face. His cheeks were flushed with color and his eyes full of life and happiness and I'm sure I looked the same.
"What was that thing you did with your tongue?" I ask, my fingers roaming across his chest. A tingling sensation raced through my body at the mere thought of it. He smiles back.
"I just wanted to kiss you there was all" he admits, smiling at me, his fingers playing with my hair. I only smile in response.
"I love you," he tells me softly.
"I love you too" I whisper back, leaning up to kiss him before I lay my head back on his chest, listening to his heart and letting it lull me to sleep. We spent the rest of the day in that bed, naked. We talked and just embraced one another as lover's do. All the while he played with my hair and placed kisses on the top of my head.
I awoke early the next morning, before sunrise. I was still naked, laying on Jon's bare chest. I woke up smiling, happy to feel his arm around me, holding me close. I moved to sit up but I was stopped, Jon's grip tightening on me and keeping me in place.
"And just where do you think you're going?" he whispers in his deep, raspy morning voice, bringing a giggle to my lips.
"I believe you promised me a sunrise" I whisper back, lifting my head to look into his eyes. He smiles back at me, his left hand moving up and down my bare back.
"I did," he says softly, continuing to stroke my back.
"We better go, or we'll miss it" I mumble, not daring to move or break the trance he has over me. I tried my best not to close my eyes and relish the feeling of his fingers on my back.
"Just a few minutes more" he replies, looking at me with love clearly written in his eyes. We stay like that for a few minutes, ingraining this moment in our memories. I move up and place a kiss on his soft, cool lips.
"Let's go" I whisper, getting up once I catch him off guard. I can feel his eyes on me as I walk around the bed and over to our clothes.
"Gods you're beautiful"
I look up at him, seeing him sitting up in the bed and looking at me with a lazy grin on his face. I smile back, grabbing my corset.
"Come here and help me with these laces," I say with a smile, pulling the dark leather material on and holding it in place as Jon gets out of bed and walks over to me. He walks behind me and I pull my hair over my shoulder to give him access. I hold onto my necklace as he ties up the laces tight. Once he finishes I turn back to face him, him grinning down at me.
"You aren't making this easy" I whisper. He only smiles back. He gives me a quick kiss on my forehead and starts getting himself dressed as well.
Once we're finished and I'm all bundled up in my furs, we leave my room and make our way to the broken tower. We run into Winter and Ghost in the courtyard and they follow us the rest of the way up.
We stand in the gap, his arm wrapped around me like it was only a month before. Had it really been only a month? Have I really changed this much? In a month have I gone from a girl to a woman? From a Snow to a Lady Targaryen? To having mild flirtations with Jon to being betrothed to Robb Stark?
"I uh, had something made for you" I mumbled nervously, a blush rising to my cheeks. I turn to face Jon just as the sun begins to rise. I pull out a silver ring from my pocket, a dragon ingrained on the inside.
"It's Valyrian steel, it was all they had left of it so I convinced them to use it for this" I explain, offering him the ring. He takes it from my hand and examines it with his fingers.
"I thought you could take it with you when you go North. So you can have something to remember me by" I say, watching his reaction. A smile breaks onto his lips as he slides it onto his right ring finger.
"I love it," He says, pulling me into a kiss, making me smile.
"I love you" I whisper, looking into his eyes.
"I love you too," he whispers back, resting his forehead against mine, the sun rising on our sides. And for a brief moment, I thought everything would be okay, that maybe we would be reunited. Maybe one day, we'd come back and have the life we've always wanted. Maybe...but not for sure. Nothing was ever for sure these days. He was my one constant and he was being ripped away from me. How could I be expected to survive?
"You promised me"
Dream Jon's voice echoes through my mind. That's why I would survive, for him. The same reason he'll do his best to survive on the wall. For me. For us. Because we were fated, one way or another. And nothing could change that...nothing.