I didn't want to leave, it was too beautiful a place to leave. I was in a meadow full of wildflowers and it was warm, so incredibly warm it felt like I was being kissed by the sun and taken into its warm embrace. And he was here, laying down next to me, but he was laying in a small stretch of snow. Even in these dreams, we were somehow separated.
"Are you alright?" he asks turning onto his left side to face me. I turn onto my right side and look at him, a small smile on my face.
"As alright as I can be, I hope we get to see you soon" I admit, placing a hand on the bump of my abdomen. He only smiles. He never would give me answers, or replies when I spoke about seeing him. Perhaps he wasn't allowed to, but it always irked me. Even if something bad was going to happen I wish he could tell me about it.
"I miss you, it's lonely out here" I continued, allowing him to listen to my ramblings and fears. Everything just came pouring out of my lips. I didn't realize how much I needed to speak to someone until nights like this. I explained my fears, my worries about the escape plan and if I would make it back North, back to him.
"Oh, I came up with a name for her," I told him with a smile, placing my hand back on my bump.
"What is it?" he asks me with a knowing smile, causing me to roll my eyes.
"I'm sure you already know, but Hope, Hope Snow," I say, unable to contain my smile or excitement.
"That's a beautiful name, but Snow? I don't want her to be a bastard like I was" Jon explains, his smile beginning to fade.
"I know...she'll be a Stark once we reach Robb but, I wanted her to have something of yours, even if the name isn't a proper one" I reason, slowly making myself sit up, Jon does the same.
"I know this is hard for you, but you have to be strong, you can't think just about me anymore, you have to think about her," He says gesturing down to the bump.
"I am thinking about her!"
"I know you are, but you need to do what's best for her...and coming to see me might not be the best thing, the journey alone will be hard on you and the cold, Emylea you have no idea how cold it is being that far North, you couldn't handle it" He tells me, looking into my eyes with that stern, unmoving expression. Who cares what his last name was he was a Stark, that look alone was proof enough.
"I can handle it! Jon, you haven't seen me or felt my touch, things have changed, I'm different now" I say going to touch him, but I can't. Some invisible force was preventing me from moving to his side.
"You may be, but the baby might not. What if the baby is like you? What if it can't survive the cold?"
"All babies are like that, and it'll be fine because I'll be there to keep it warm, trust me, Jon, everything is going to be fine," I tell him with a hopeful smile, believing the words that left my lips.
"What if I don't want to see you, or the baby?" he says, almost threateningly.
"That's a lie, I know you want to see her and me. I can feel it" I say, trying again to get through the barrier and touch him, but my hand only crashes into the invisible bubble.
"It isn't a lie, Emylea do you have any idea how hard it is? You're on my mind constantly, but I can't see you or get to you, only in my dreams. I keep trying to forget, but you won't let me, nothing will let me let go" he says with a forced sigh.
"Y-you want to forget me? But...I love you...and I know that you love me. You said so yourself that we are fated, and in my heart, I know it to be true. You can't forget something like that...and I can't believe that you would want to" I say, feeling the tears start to prick at my eyes.
"It's not a matter of want, it's a need...and you should do the same, let me go," he says to me in almost a whisper.
"No, you can try all you want but you can't change my heart, you can't change how I feel about you...and try as you might you can't change your feelings for me either," I say, breaking his penetrating gaze and choosing instead to look down at the ground, the division between snow and meadow. I knew he was talking to me, but I didn't hear a word. I placed my hand as close to the snow as I could and saw it start to melt. I slowly moved my hand along the edge separating us until his patch of snow was smaller until my meadow started to bleed into his snow. I tentatively placed my fingers on the edge of the barrier and moved them forward. I had gotten through.
I quickly flung my body on top of his and connected our lips. He froze, as I continued to kiss him, but then he started to kiss me back. His gloved hands moved to my back, pulling me towards him and holding onto me tightly. Our lips continued to dance with each other as I placed my hands on his clothed chest. I felt him flinch at my touch but I didn't care, I needed him. I always needed him.
"My lady!"
I woke up, panting, sweating and disoriented. My head was fuzzy and was beginning to pound with an incoming headache. I wiped the sleep away from my eyes and say Marian peering at mewith a concerned look.
"Are you alright my lady?" she asks, not daring to touch me as Winter was between us. Winter was staring at her, looking as if she was ready to pounce on the girl, if given the chance.
"F-fine" I stuttered, suddenly feeling an icy chill come over me. I was freezing, the sweat only making me feel colder.
"Are you sure my lady? You don't look well" she replied, moving to touch my forehead but Winter snapped at her.
"Well enough, could you draw me a bath?" I ask covering my eyes with my arm, trying to block out the sunlight shining through the window.
"Of course my lady, oh and the Queen has picked out a dress for you to wear this afternoon to the sentencing" Marian informed me as she left to go get the brass tub and boiling hot water.
Sentencing?! Was that today? Gods how could I be so stupid?! I was supposed to be ill this day, I should have sent Marian away and feigned child pains. How could I get out of this? The Queen had a dress picked out for me...she wanted me there...but why? Was it going to be a trap? Lord Stark was supposed to be sentenced to the Black, stripped of all lands and titles...could the Queen know of my intentions to escape? I was Robb's wife after all, once Eddard Stark takes the Black, I'll be Lady of Winterfell and Wardeness of the North...they need me to get Robb to bend the knee to Joffery...I had to get out of here...I needed a plan. I needed help. I needed everything I didn't have.
I sat up in bed and watched as the guards walked in, placing the brass tub in its usual spot by the fireplace, then maids come pouring in with buckets of boiling water, followed by Marian at the back.
"I really suggest you don't get in right away my lady, it's much too warm and it'll hurt the babe," Marian said as I rose from the bed, dressed in only my night shift and made my way to the tub.
"It'll be fine, Marian you are dismissed" I replied absently, trying to form a plan.
"But I must help you undress and your hair..."
"You are dismissed, I'll be able to manage," I said doing my best not to snap at the girl. My temper tended to rise when I was stressed.
"But, are you su-"
"GO" I yelled at her, feeling the heat rise back to the surface of my body. Winter began to snarl and the last thing I heard was the closing of the door. It was just me and Winter now, and Hope. I slipped out of my night shift and stepped into the soothing water, allowing it to engulf me and my emotions, and then was I finally able to cry.
Jon wasn't sure what to think or how to feel. He was able to kill the white walker by using one of the Lord Commander's candles, however, he didn't get away without a large burn on his left hand or some cuts and bruises. And the one in the Lord Commander's chamber wasn't the only one. The other body they found had come to life as well, killing two of his brothers on the night watch.
It was insane, how could it have happened? I wasn't possible and yet it happened and Jon had a burned hand to prove it. How could those things from Nan's stories be true?
"Jon! Did you hear me? I said the Lord Commander wants to have a word with you" Sam said, trying to get Jon's attention away from his breakfast, which he wasn't eating and his ring that he couldn't seem to stop messing with.
"Oh, okay thanks Sam" Jon mumbled absently, slowly rising from his seat at the table and beginning his walk to the Lord Commanders new chambers, as his old chambers were burnt down last night. Jon tried to clear his mind as he walked, trying to focus on the snow and cold, and began wondering where Ghost was, anything but her and what happened last night. Before Jon could realize it he was knocking on the Lord Commander's door.
"Come in" the Lord Commander grumbled. Jon slowly opened the door and entered the Lord Commander's chambers. He stood by the door until he was beckoned to sit in the chair opposite of the Old Bear.
"How's your hand doing?" the man asked, not bothering to look up from his desk flooded with papers.
"Better sir" Jon answered stiffly, still in a bit of shock from the night before.
"Good, you'd be no good to the night watch with only one hand," The Lord Commander says, in almost a joking way. Jon couldn't help but smile, it was comforting to know that the Lord Commander wasn't upset with him over what happened the previous night.
"I uh, have something for you," Commander Mormont said a bit awkwardly, reaching over to his side and laying a sword on the table.
"I had the pommel changed from a bear to a wolf after the fire, it's a bit long for you now but I think you'll grow into it quite nicely," He said, watching closely as Jon slowly picked up the sword and examined the said pommel.
"I am honored sir, but I cannot accept this" Jon said with a heavy sigh, moving to place the sword back on the table.
"Nonsense, of course, you can. My son has disgraced our house, at least when he left into exile he had the decency to leave the sword. No, you'll keep the sword and that is final are we clear?" the Commander said giving Jon a stern look.
"Yes sir," Jon said with a grateful nod.
"You saved my life Snow, you earned this"
But Jon wasn't sure he had.
Robb was marching on King's Landing, well in his mind he was. Robb knew that when his father was imprisoned and when Robert Baratheon was killed, something had to be done. Robb knew he couldn't bend the knee to Joffery, he wouldn't make it back alive and gods know what would happen to his sisters or Rhaella. They were camped out near the Frey, waiting for his mother to return from the twins with news from Walder Frey, news regarding their crossing his bridge.
Robb was nervous, he paced the length of his tent over and over, praying to the old gods for good news, for them to keep his loved ones safe, especially Rhaella. Robb knew that she was in more danger now than ever. To the world, they were wed, with their heir to Winterfell on the way. The Lannisters could use that to their advantage, use her to get to Robb. That's why Robb had to cross that bridge and get to her first.
"My Lord, your mother has returned" one of his soldiers announced, peaking his head into Robb's tent.
"Right, thank you" Robb mumbled, walking out of his tent towards his mother who was riding towards him.
"Good news I'm hoping?" Robb asked as his mother stopped before him.
"Yes...and no," she said with a heavy sigh. Robb slowly nodded and looked up at his mother, waiting for Walder Frey's answer.
"He will let you cross, but there are some conditions to your crossing" she explained.
"Of course, and what are they?" Robb asked.
"He will let you cross and give you men to fight, but you and Arya must marry two of his children..."
"But mother I'm already wed! I cannot take another wife!" Robb said, trying to contain his outrage that Walder Frey would ask him such a thing.
"I know son, and I told him that, but he says that then you will be a lucky man and have two...wifes in your pocket..." Catelyn explained, clearly editing out some of Walder Frey's more explicit language.
"What do you think mother?" Robb asked, silently pleading in his mind that she would tell him to find another way, that to take two wives was a crime against the gods.
"I think you need to cross that bridge...no matter the costs," Catelyn said with a heavy sigh, knowing her son wanted to hear differently. But things had changed, whether Robb liked it or not, he was no longer a boy, he was a man with men to control and battles to win. Catelyn knew he had to put aside whatever feelings he had for Rhaella and her unborn child, and become the leader the North needed.
"I need time to think" Robb declared, making his way back to his tent, hearing his mother dismount and begin to follow him.
"Robb...Robb...Robb!" She shouted at him.
They were inside Robb's tent and Robb was pacing once more, trying to clear his head, trying to think rationally, but he couldn't...didn't want to. Rational, how could Robb be rational at a time like this?! His father was imprisoned, his sisters were stuck in King's Landing with his father's captors and Rhaella...his beautiful first love Rhaella, was alone with child. A child that was supposedly theirs despite Robb knowing the truth. But Rhaella gave him a responsibility, to her and her unborn child. He couldn't give that up.
"ROBB!"
Robb finally looked up at his mother who was looking at him with worried eyes.
"Robb, you must accept these terms, we need to get across that bridge, think of your father, think of the girls!"
"I am thinking of them, mother! They are all I think about!" Robb said, snapping at his mother in frustration. She had no idea of the pressure he was under or how much it was getting to him. Oh, how he longed for the old days back at Winterfell, when it was just him and his siblings, and her. If he closed his eyes right now he could picture her snow-kissed hair and her lovely dark violet eyes. If he could only close his eyes for a moment...
"Then accept Lord Frey's terms and bring them home!" Catelyn shouted, desperately trying to make her son understand the gravity of their situation.
"I cannot marry one of his daughters for I am already wed!" Robb shouted back, slamming his hands on his planning table.
"No one is able to confirm your marriage, Robb! The only supposed witness to it has taken the black and Maester Luwin has no record of it! You can get out of your marriage and marry a northern girl"
"She is a northern girl mother! She lived with us for years or have you forgotten?!" Robb said unable to control his temper. Everything was falling apart right in front of his eyes, and he could do nothing, nothing to stop it.
"I haven't forgotten but she is not blood! And your father would tell you the same, he would tell you to think of your sisters!" Catelyn pleaded.
"Father is an honorable man, he would have me find a way to save Rhaella and Sansa and Arya!" Robb replied trying to find his way out of marrying one of Lord Frey's daughters.
"And this is that way! They will have no reason to hold Rhaella if your marriage becomes dissolved, she'll hold no value" Catelyn reasons.
"She is with child mother, my child. Our marriage is the only thing that is keeping her alive! Her value as future Lady of Winterfell is keeping her alive mother! Can't you understand that?!" He shouted, almost screamed. He could feel his heart ramming up against his chest and sweat start to form on his brow, it felt like the tent was closing in on him and heating up.
"I do understand that! I am your mother! But I am telling you, let her go"
Catelyn's words were like a knife to Robb's heart. Let her go? She had been a part of their lives for 16 years. Robb could still remember the day father had brought her home, her with her silvery white hair and violet eyes that seemed to stare up at Robb in curiosity. But that image was quickly replaced with a baby Sansa, and Arya, and the boys, all of whom Robb was responsible for, his family.
The tent finally seemed to cool, along with Robb's temper. May the gods forgive me. Robb thought as he stood back up straight and took in a deep breath.
"Alright, tell Lord Frey I accept his terms," Robb said with a heavy sigh and a heavy heart.
I had dressed, and I was still trying to think up a plan for my escape. Varys' and I's plan was falling apart. The only way our plan would work was if I remained in the Red Keep during Lord Stark's sentencing. So far I couldn't find a good enough excuse, the queen had picked out a dress for me to wear. It was a flowing red silk dress with a golden belt and earrings and bracelets. Lannister colors. My hair was done up, intricately like high born southern ladies tended to do. She was claiming me, even if it was through something subtle as my clothing. A Targaryen reduced to a lion when I was meant to be a dragon.
I stood, staring at myself in my long looking glass. My hands moved to my neck, playing with the direwolf pendant that Jon gave me all those months ago. I moved my hands down, so I could play with the ring on my left finger. The direwolf ring, a gift from Robb given to me by Jon. And Jon hand a matching one with him up there...on the wall.
'Between us, this ring marks you as mine'
Jon's voice still echoed in my ears. I wonder if he thought of me much, out there on the wall. I wondered if he played with his ring as well and thought of me, as I did so often with him and my ring. Finally, my gaze traveled down, down to my swollen belly. My bump had grown, what seemed like overnight. It was very obvious that I was pregnant. How many months had it been? 5? I couldn't quite recall, but I knew that if I closed my eyes I could still remember that night. How it felt to lay there afterward on his bare chest and be held in his arm.
There was a knocking on the door, a knock that had broken my trance and picture of Jon.
"Yes?" I answer. My chamber door immediately opens.
"You look lovely my lady," Varys says as he closes my chamber door behind him.
"The queen picked it out for me" I reply absently, continuing to stare at myself in the looking glass.
"Red is a lovely color on you, my lady, I am not so sure about the gold" he continues, walking towards me.
"Lannister Lion colors, on a Dragon, it doesn't feel right" I mumble, turning around to face him.
"Fear not child, it won't be that way for long, I have arranged for you to be escorted out of the Red Keep through the catacombs by miss Marian, there will be a change of clothes and food waiting you down there. No worries, Marian has already informed the royal court of your absence from the sentencing this afternoon" he explains walking closer to me.
"I was also asked by one Eddard Stark to remind you of your promise to him, whatever that may be" he continues stopping when Winter started to growl.
"Thank you Varys, you've been a true friend to me, but I'm afraid I have two more favors to ask" I answer, walking towards the window pane and retrieving the two scrolls I had written earlier, addressed to Robb and Jon. I walk back towards him, scrolls in hand.
"I will have these delivered discreetly and immediately," he tells me with a polite nod.
"Thank you," I tell him with a smile.
"Of course my child, and safe travels, should you need anything, I am only a whisper away," he says walking back towards my door. Once he exits I turn back towards the mirror, praying I never have to see myself clad in such a way ever again. I moved quickly towards my chest, grabbing my dirty shoulder bag out from it and over to the iron chest, Lord Baelish had brought me, using my pent-up frustration to open it with ease. I gently wrapped up the silvery egg in some of the cloths and put it in my bag. I lifted up the wrapped up sword and placed it by the chest, quickly locking it back up.
How was I going to get this sword out of here? I desperately looked around my chambers, my eyes landing on my white fur, hooded cloak. The one Sansa had made for me for my name day. Oh, how I wanted to burn that cloak, but it was large enough to hide my things under and my pregnancy. I inwardly groaned and grabbed the cloak, laying it on top of my bag and sword on my bed. Then I sat and waited, finally Marian entered my chambers.
"Are you ready my lady?" she asks. I stand up and pull on my bag and cloak.
"Let's go" I answer and finally leave my prison cell with Winter by my side. Home here I come.