A/N: This is the chapter that kicked this whole fic off!

I'm dedicating it to Leah, who encouraged me to write it in the first place.

Massive thank yous to everyone who's reading/reviewing :)

x

Downing the vodka she had poured herself in one go, Katy refilled the glass before moving to lean against the bar opposite the older blondes. Ronnie was staring down at her own, completely untouched, drink in silence. Roxy was sipping at hers uncomfortably, totally avoiding meeting her niece's eyes.

"So?" Katy's voice was harsher than she had intended it to be. "You need to start talking now, Mum… Aunty Roxy?"

"It wasn't meant to be like this, Katy." Ronnie told her softly. She sighed at the hard, cold expression on her daughter's face. "You weren't supposed to be left behind."

"And I'm supposed to believe that, yeah?" Katy snorted derisively. "I'm just supposed to believe that–?"

"The letter." Roxy interrupted, leaning forward, apparently suddenly struck by inspiration. "Didn't you get the letter Ronnie sent?"

The triumph she felt at being proved right in the provenance of the letter was immediately eclipsed by the current situation. "Yeah, I got it… in January when we moved back to the Square."

"Oh…" Ronnie looked crestfallen. "You were supposed to get it straight away. You were supposed to ring the number and I was going to explain everything and we'd work out what to do next."

"Yeah, but I didn't get it." Katy pointed out harshly. "I'd already left by the time it arrived."

"Baby, I…"

"No." The younger woman held up her hands, backing away as Ronnie took a step towards her. "You left me and Dad and the kids. You left us to raise them without you."

"We never wanted that." Ronnie looked devastated. She moved across the room and dropped heavily onto one of the sofas, burying her head in her hands. "That is the last thing we wanted. That's why we…"

"It's why you what, Ronnie?"

"It's why we did it. It's why we faked our deaths." Roxy blurted out, seeing the situation escalating. She moved to sit beside her sister, laying a soothing hand on her arm.

"I think you'd better start explaining properly." Her niece told them bluntly, rounding the bar and folding her arms across her chest. "Don't miss anything out."

Ronnie sighed deeply, watching her daughter closely. Katy's expression was cold and distant; she was clearly protecting herself from being hurt again. Her mother had thought that perhaps Katy would be angry with them, but now it was obvious that that was an understatement. Ronnie wished she could have taken away the pain she'd evidently put the younger woman through, but that was impossible. All she could hope to achieve was getting Katy to understand what had happened.

"We needed to get away from here." Ronnie started. Seeing Katy rolling her eyes, she rubbed her forehead tiredly. "I know, I know… but it was really important this time."

"A matter of life and death, yeah?"

"If you don't want to know–"

"Alright, sorry…"

"Rox and I came up with a plan to fake our deaths so that we could get away and–"

"And leave us behind."

"Katy!" Roxy stood up, shaking her head. "You clearly ain't interested in actually listening to us. Give Ron a break, yeah?"

"Give her a break?" The younger woman laughed mirthlessly. "Two and a half years. It's been two and a half years and I thought you were dead! We all did. Amy thought you were dead, Roxy!"

"It ain't exactly been a barrel of laughs for us either, but if you ain't gonna listen–"

As Roxy moved towards the door, Katy panicked, rushing forward and reaching out to grasp her forearm tightly, preventing her leaving. "No, wait! I'm sorry. I do want to listen, I just… it's hard, OK?"

"I know." The older woman's eyes slipped closed and she sank onto the closest sofa. "I know. But if we can just explain…"

"I'll try not to interrupt again." Katy promised. This time she sank onto the cushions beside her aunt, rather than leaning against the bar. Almost warily, Ronnie joined them. "Go on."

"We planned to fake our own deaths. We'd already spoken to Les Coker and paid him to help us. We knew that Billy and Jay wouldn't be able to handle dealing with our bodies, so we didn't have to worry about that. The hardest part was making sure the police weren't called to deal with our deaths. We bribed the hotel manager to sort that out."

"Wait… I spoke to the police when your bodies were discovered."

"They weren't police." Roxy shook her head. "They were hotel staff. We paid them."

"This sounds like you went to a hell of a lot of effort." Katy replied disbelievingly. "What was so bad that you needed to do all that just to leave? Couldn't you just… go?"

"I wish it was that easy."

"But why wasn't it? I don't understand. It feels as though you made it as dramatic as you could; paying people off to pretend you'd died… paying for a whole cast performance just to convince your family and friends that you were dead. Who the fuck does that?"

"We had no choice!"

"So you keep saying, but I don't see why. What kind of trouble were you in and why you didn't tell me?" She shook her head. "You told me everything. How much shit did we get through together? I don't understand why this was different."

Ronnie sighed again, running a hand through her hair. "We were going to tell you. You were supposed to come to Coker and Sons to see me in the coffin and I was going to tell you everything. When you didn't show up, I… I wasn't sure what to do."

"Right… so all this is my fault because I couldn't face seeing you like that? Because I was too upset over my mother and aunt's tragic deaths that I didn't want to go and see their bodies? Because I was trying so hard to hold things together for the children that I couldn't bring myself to–?"

"No!" Ronnie grasped her hands and shook her head vehemently, tears in her eyes as she listened to what her daughter was saying. "Of course not! That's why I sent the letter. I was hoping you'd get it and call me and I could speak to you straight away. I didn't know you'd moved, let alone where you'd gone…"

"Sorry about that."

"Oh, baby, I don't blame you. Of course I don't blame you at all. I completely blame myself."

"I was being sarcastic!" Katy retorted angrily. "I blame you, too! Two years, Mum. For two years we thought you were dead. I… I might never have seen you again. I didn't think I would see you again. Everyone thought I was going crazy… they wanted to send me to a shrink."

"It was horrible for us too."

"My heart bleeds for you." Katy muttered scathingly. "Where were you, anyway? Somewhere nice?"

"Ibiza." Ronnie admitted, wincing at the scoffing noise her daughter made in response. "We had money hidden over there. The plan was to tell you and get you all to come and join us."

"What? Just up and leave?"

"Well you did that, didn't you?" Roxy reminded her.

Katy didn't respond. "So why? You still haven't told me why all this was necessary."

"Do you remember Carl White?"

Her daughter snorted. "How could I forget? But all that was over. We dealt with that."

"We thought so too." Ronnie agreed. "Rox got phone calls and notes… all threatening her about what happened to Carl. She didn't tell me at first; it's why she wanted me to adopt Amy and why she was refusing to come to Ongar with us. She was planning on leaving on her own but… I couldn't let her do that." She chewed her lip. "That was why we couldn't tell you; don't you see? The more you knew, the more danger you were in."

"Was faking your deaths and putting us through all of that really necessary, though?"

"Do you honestly think we'd have done all this if it wasn't?"

"I really don't know." Katy admitted honestly. "That's why I'm asking you."

"I promise you, sweetie, if we had any other option we'd have taken it. It nearly killed Roxy and me to be away from you all, to know that you all thought we were dead, to remember that you thought you'd never see us again. I missed you so, so much. There wasn't a day that went past without us thinking about you."

"They're nice words, Mum, but what good are words?" Her daughter asked softly, pulling her hands away from Ronnie. "Words didn't help when I was holding down three jobs and still wasn't able to make ends meet. Words didn't help when Gran had to look after four kids single-handedly because I was busy or ill."

"Katy…"

"Yeah, Glenda lived with us… still does. I genuinely don't know what I would have done without her. She was there for all of us." The young woman's words were almost spiteful, knowing the fractured relationship between the sisters and their mother. "She stepped up when you weren't there. She did everything she could to help. She filled the gap that you left when you did this."

"I'm glad."

"So why now?" Katy asked, looking between the two women opposite her.

Looking a little guilty, her mother bit her lip. "We… we saw you in Ibiza. At the club and then when you were with Carlos… the phone call…"

"I knew I'd seen you!" Katy exclaimed triumphantly. "I knew I wasn't imagining it."

"I told you she'd seen us." Roxy muttered, shooting her sister a look.

Katy paused for a moment, before nodding. Something inside her clenched at the realisation that they had known she was there, that they had seen her, but they still hadn't told her the truth. Tears sprang to her eyes and her bottom lip wobbled as she fought to stop them falling.

"I'm glad you're alive, of course I am," she told them quietly, "but… it broke my heart when I thought you were both dead. I couldn't cope. It almost broke me completely. I always hoped that it was wrong… that something like this would happen but I never really thought… I don't think I can just forget that you just… went. I don't think I can be happy that you're here, without remembering all that pain. I think… I think it's going to take me a while to forgive you both. And it's gonna take me a whole lot longer to trust either of you again."

"I understand that. I don't like it, but I understand." Ronnie nodded slowly, clearly not happy about her daughter's words, but apparently unwilling to argue the point and risk making things worse. She glanced at Roxy. "We should get going and let you finish locking up."

"Where are you staying?"

"Umm… we're booked into a B&B for a couple of nights." Ronnie told her.

"Right. I can't offer you a bed at ours. It's already a squash with four kids, Gran and me. Sorry."

"It's fine." Her mother assured her quickly. At the mention of Glenda her lips had pursed into a thin line, but she didn't say anything about it. "I'm hoping that when I see Jack and explain…"

"You haven't seen him yet?"

Ronnie shook her head. "We came to see you first. We only arrived an hour or so ago."

"Before you go and see him, you should know that Dad's seeing someone."

"Oh…" Ronnie blinked, as though she hadn't considered that could be a possibility. "Is… is it serious?"

"Yeah, I think so." Katy told her with a shrug. "He told me he really likes her."

Trying to keep her voice casual, her mother smiled tightly. "Anyone we know?"

"Denise Fox."

"Oh… right."

"Yeah. Amy and Ricky seem to like her, too." Katy told them, before remembering something. "Oh and Amy met Sean."

Roxy's mouth dropped open. "Sean… Slater?"

"Yeah, he turned up and got her from school one day."

"He did what?" Roxy's eyes flashed angrily.

"She was fine. He was actually really sweet… told me to watch out for her and make sure she was OK." She smiled weakly. "He didn't know you were dead. I mean… well, now he thinks you're dead. He was still in love with you. You really messed up there."

Roxy opened and closed her mouth a few times, before evidently deciding against saying anything. Her head dropped a little and Katy could see the regret on her face. With a twinge of guilt at the satisfaction she felt, her niece retreated to leant against the bar once more with her arms folded.

"This is a really nice place." Ronnie said as Roxy moved towards the door. "I'm… I can't even put into words how proud of you I am."

As Katy watched them heading through the door, she chewed her lip nervously. "Are you sure it's safe for you to be back? I mean… you left because you thought you were in danger. How do you know it's safe now?"

"We've sorted it, sweetie." Ronnie promised gently, smiling at her daughter over her shoulder. "It's OK. There's nothing for you to worry about."

"Yeah? If you say so."