Ok guys, this was a fun one to write. Mouse and Adam are my favorites on the show. I love them!
There may be a little pause in updates. I'm going to visit my parents this weekend and then my toddler follows up with his oncologist after that. This story is my little break from reality and stress, so I'm hoping I'll be able to get another chapter up by next week, but real life may be interrupting it for a week or two :)
Jay was waiting in the garage when Ruzek walked Jess in.
Jess was looking over her shoulder when she came in and didn't see him.
"Jess," Jay called.
She looked at him long enough for him to see the worried lines on her brow before she glanced at Ruzek then looked back to the door.
Mouse came through not long after Jess and Ruzek. Jess crossed her arms in front of herself and shifted uncomfortably. She looked at Jay then.
"Did Ruzek tell you?" Jay asked, feeling the relief in his grin.
"Um, yeah." Jess' eyes slid to Ruzek for a split second, then back to him. "He did."
She looked nervous, avoiding looking at Mouse or Ruzek. Jay put his arm around her. "You don't have to worry about this. Just look at the line up and tell us if you see the shooters."
"What?" Jess asked. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, the line up. I can do that."
Jay tried to look her in the eyes. "Are you alright?" He looked over at Mouse. Mouse tucked his hands in his pockets and didn't say anything.
"I'm fine," Jess said.
Jay didn't smell anything on her. For once her eyes were clear. "Ok," he said, taking her word for it. "Ruzek will take you up. I'll be right there."
Mouse started to follow them, but Jay put a hand on his arm to hold him back. He waited until the door closed behind Ruzek and Jess.
"Is she clean?"
"Yeah," Mouse answered with a nervous laugh. "Yeah, she's fine. Not on anything."
Jay didn't look like he believed him. He looked at him more closely. "Are you ok?"
Mouse gave Jay a look like he didn't understand what he was asking. "Yeah, of course. What do you mean? I'm great."
Jay let out a sigh and shook his head. "She got to you didn't she?"
Mouse's eyes flew open. "I—I don't know what you—what you…What do you mean?"
"I'm sorry, Mouse. I know my sister isn't the easiest person to be around."
"Naw, your sister's fine," Mouse assured him.
"She's not herself. This isn't who she is. I appreciate you sitting with her even though she gave you a hard time."
Mouse stared at him. "I, uh…sure. It was no problem."
Jay clapped a hand on his back. "Let's get upstairs. I don't want Jess to do this alone." He glanced over at Mouse as they headed toward the stairs. "Hey, Mouse, your shirt's buttoned crooked."
#
Adam waited until the stairwell door closed behind them. Voices echoed in the cement corridor, so he kept his voice down.
"You and Mouse?"
The tightening of her jaw was the only sign Jess heard him.
"So you crashing at my place was just…convenient for you? To drive Jay crazy? Your plumbing was broke and you just needed someone to flush your drugs?"
Jess stopped climbing the stairs and faced him. "What do you want me to say?" she asked.
"I just want to know where we stand," he said. "Are you heading to Mouse's tonight when you need someone to stop you from going out to get a hit, or should I be ready to flush your stash?"
Jess' chin trembled and Adam silently cursed himself. "I'm sorry, darlin'," he apologized. "You don't owe me an explanation."
He reached out a hand and brushed one of her curls back from her face.
Jess swallowed hard. "I just…I feel safe with you," she whispered. "When it's dark and there's no one around…"
"It's ok," Adam said. "I didn't mean it. You and Mouse is none of my business. You come on over if you need. Anytime."
"I shouldn't, though. I just sort of bumped into you at Molly's and I shouldn't be asking you…"
Jess looked down at her hands and Adam followed her gaze. Her hands were shaking. Adam took them between his and waited until she looked at him. "I'm here. If you need me, I'm here." He waited for her nod. He gave her hands a squeeze. "Let's go get this line up over with."
Jess nodded again. She let Adam lead the way.
#
Jess stood uncomfortably in the bullpen. She was pretty sure most of the team had been in her room the day before, but she didn't remember any of it. Jay and Mouse came in a minute after her and Adam. Mouse gave her a grin and headed to a desk by the stairs.
Jess felt her lips pull in a small answering smile. She ducked her head, but not before she saw Adam studying her. She quickly let her smile fall. She was actually relieved when Jay planted himself next to her and blocked out both Mouse and Adam.
The raspy voiced sergeant came out of his office. She thought she remembered his voice yesterday, somewhere in the panic she had been feeling and someone taking her gun. Her cheeks felt hot with remembered shame.
"Jess," the sergeant said. "I'm Sargeant Voight."
Almost against her will, Jess felt her spine straighten. She forced herself to meet his eyes. "Hello, sir." Army training died hard.
"Ruzek and your brother fill you in on what's going on?" he asked.
"Yes, sir." Jess didn't squirm, didn't look away. It was painful.
Voight looked to Jay and nodded to himself. "Alright. You tell us if this is too much. We need an ID, but if we don't get it today, we'll get it when you're ready. I know you've been going through a rough time. We'll find a reason to hold them until you make an ID."
Jess blinked against tears. "I can do this, sir."
Voight studied her and one side of his mouth twitched in humor. "You're a Halstead alright. Jay, take her down there."
Jess let out a breath of relief when the sargaent's eyes were no longer on her. She finally drew in a breath when Jay led her down a hallway away from all the eyes on her.
"You can do this," Jay assured her.
Jess nodded. She could do this, she repeated to herself. Just point to the two guys she saw pull the triggers.
The memory of the flashes of gunfire filled her vision. Jess slammed her eyelids shut and sucked in a breath. She could smell the sharp sting of gunpowder in her nostrils, see the two bodies drop. Danny's grip on her arm was hard, bruising, as he yelled at her to run.
"Run, Jess!" he shouted, pulling at her. Jess couldn't move. Her feet were planted and she couldn't lift them. She couldn't sort what was happening from what had happened in Afghanistan. "Jess!"
"Jess!"
Jay's voice. Why was Jay here? Had he come to arrest Danny?
"Jess, look at me!"
Startled, Jess blinked against the fluorescent lights. Jay was trying to get her to meet his eyes.
Jess could feel her chest rising up and down rapidly, her breath coming in short gasps.
"We're not doing this," Jay said. He started leading her back the way they had come from.
Jess tried to get her shaking legs to keep pace with him. Jay kept her tucked close to his side when they got to the bullpen. Jess kept her head down, trying to keep her mind in the present. Breathe in. Breathe out.
She saw Ruzek jump up when he saw her. Mouse was pacing and stopped to stare at her and Jay. The entire team was looking. She squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to do this to Jay. To embarrass him in front of his friends and coworkers.
A teenage girl sat next to Antonio's desk. She tilted her head to the side and watched Jess curiously.
"Eva, don't stare," Antonio murmured under his breath.
"She's not going to look at the line up," Jay said firmly. He didn't show any sign of embarrassment, having his broken sister next to him, barely holding onto reality.
"Ok," nodded Antonio. "Then we find Danny and he IDs them. Burgess, you and Al hit the streets. Shake down any lead you find."
"Right," Kim said. Her eyes softened as she looked at Jess. "Jess do you need any—"
A door slammed down the hall and Jess jolted. All she could think of was the teen girl next to Antonio. She was too young to be caught in gunfire.
In one motion, Jess grabbed the girl and forced her down behind the desk, ready to protect her.
"Whoa, hey!" Antonio said.
"Jess," Jay called. "It was just a door. You just heard a door slam."
The faces in front of her faded in and out of focus. She looked around, trying to find Jay. She thought she heard his voice. The girl next to her struggled to get up. Jess didn't loosen her grip on her. "Stay down till it's clear," she said, her heart racing.
"Soldier!" a rough voice barked, cutting through the confusion.
Jess kept the girl shielded with her body and looked toward the voice. She recognized the voice. A sergeant. He was a sergeant.
"Soldier, stand down," he ordered, his voice not inviting discussion.
Jess immediately released the girl and stepped back.
The girl ran to someone, calling him dad.
Jess blinked as things came back into focus. Jay stood in front of her. He looked like it pained him to see her.
Her legs were going to give out. She wasn't…she couldn't…
"Easy there."
Mouse. Mouse had her. He eased her down into a chair, his voice quiet next to her ear.
"Thanks, Sarge," Jay said quietly. But Jess could hear him. "I'm sorry about that."
Jess stiffened with embarrassment. She felt Mouse run a hand down her arm. "He doesn't mean anything by that," he said into her ear.
"Don't worry about it, Halstead," Voight was saying. He looked at Jess. "You don't worry about it either. Your instinct is to protect. That counts for something."
Not enough. It didn't count for enough. The tremors started then.
"You want me to take you home?" Mouse asked in a low voice.
Jess caught a glimpse of Adam watching her, concern lining his face. He looked to Mouse and his jaw tightened.
Mouse followed her eyes and looked at Adam. His eyes hardened.
Too much. It was too much. Frantically, Jess sought out Jay. He read the panic in her eyes and moved to her side. "Let's go," he said under his breath.
Jess nodded. She avoided looking at Mouse or Adam. She let Jay guide her toward the stairs. She paused as they passed Antonio and Eva.
"I'm…I'm sorry," she whispered to them, meeting their eyes briefly. "So sorry."
She quickly ducked her head and stayed pressed against Jay's side as he guided her down the stairs. She was so sorry for everything.