I have another chapter started after this one already, so hopefully no one will be left hanging too long! Let me know if there's anything (or anyone) you'd like to see in the story!
Jay turned on the last light in his apartment. With every light on, it was as bright as day. Not that Jess looked comforted by the fact.
She was perched on the edge of his couch, rubbing her hands up and down her arms.
Jay stood in front of his fridge. "Are you hungry for anything?"
Jess didn't answer.
"Jess?" He went back into the living room. She was staring at something he couldn't see. Jay sat down on the coffee table in front of her. He reached out a hand and touched her arm lightly. "Jess?"
She dragged herself back to his living room and tried to meet his eyes. "I'm not hungry."
Jay didn't mention that she hadn't eaten all day. After leaving the station Jay had spent the day trying to keep Jess occupied. Not an easy task when he was also trying to keep her away from crowds, loud noises, and anything that could trigger the memories she was trying to avoid.
"Will should be here soon. He said he'd bring pizza."
Jess didn't answer. She looked away from Jay. "I'm sorry about this morning," she said suddenly. She twisted her hands together. "I didn't mean to make a scene. Not in front of your team."
"It's fine," Jay assured her. "They know you're going through a rough patch."
Jess gave him a look.
Jay winced. "Ok, more than just a rough patch."
"Jay, I held a gun on them yesterday. And they had to sit with me while I came off the drugs. And I hooked up with one of them. And they saw me lose it with the flashbacks. Twice. Your team thinks I'm a wreck."
"No one thinks—" Jay stopped and gave her a hard look. "You hooked up with Ruzek?" His mouth pressed into an unforgiving line.
"What?" Jess shook her head. "No. Adam and I didn't…" She realized what she had said and trailed off.
Jay tried to keep the anger from his voice. "Then who?"
"Pizza's here!" Will called, opening the front door.
Jess quickly rose and went to take the box from him. She set it on the counter.
Will dropped his jacket on the back of a chair and pressed a kiss to the top of Jess' head. "How are you feeling?" It wasn't a passing question. He stopped and waited for an answer.
Jess glanced at Jay and crossed her arms. "I'm ok," she answered softly.
"You sure?" Will asked.
"I'm, uh," she swallowed hard. "I'm a little shaky." Jay could hardly hear the words she confessed to Will.
To his credit, Will didn't bat an eye. Jay was still reeling from finding out Jess had hooked up with someone he worked with. He reminded himself that was why Jess would talk to Will.
Will looped an arm around Jess and gave her a squeeze. "We'll get through this. Jay and I are here for you."
Jess met Jay's eyes briefly. "I know." She pulled away from her brothers and went to get plates from the cabinet.
Opening the pizza box, she pulled a slice out for each plate.
"So, I have an idea," Will said.
Jess started to pull down glasses for drinks, but Will stopped her. He handed her a brochure he pulled from the pocket of his scrubs.
"What's this?" she asked. She read the cover, her forehead creased in confusion. She opened it and the confusion cleared, replaced with anger. "Treatment?" she asked.
Jay exchanged a look with Will. Jess didn't miss it.
"You two planned this? You want to send me away to treatment?"
Will was unruffled as she lashed out at them. "We want to help you. And, honestly, I don't think we have been. Jay told me about what happened this morning."
Jess threw the pamphlet down on the counter. "I'm not going to treatment!"
Will followed her as she circled around the counter and stormed out of the kitchen.
"Fine. You don't go to inpatient treatment. You can meet with Dr. Charles at Med. He's a great guy. You can talk to him about what you're going through."
Jess whirled around and faced Will. "A shrink? I'm not seeing a shrink!" She shook her head, looking between her brothers in disbelief. "You guys think I'm crazy."
"We think you need more help than we can give you," Jay said. He took a step toward her and Jess jerked away.
"Yeah, right. Because I didn't come home from saving Afghanistan and get a job saving Chicago right away? Like you did?"
Jess was too angry to see the way both her brothers froze. Will looked at Jay. Jay wanted to argue with him. Jess didn't need to know what he had been through. How could it help her to know he fell apart after what he did overseas? That he sometimes still felt broken.
Jess was slamming her way out of the bedroom with her bag in hand.
Will quickly put himself in her path. "Just wait, Jess. You don't want to go to treatment or see Dr. Charles, we'll work something out. Ok? Just don't leave. We'll figure something out."
Jess gripped her bag tighter. "I'm going back to Dad's. Or somewhere. I'm not staying here."
"I broke," Jay said suddenly. It halted Jess in her steps.
"What?" She looked from Jay to Will.
Will looked down at his feet, giving Jay space.
"I broke. Afghanistan broke me," Jay said.
"Whatever," Jess scoffed, shaking her head. "Don't lie to me, Jay. Don't try to make me feel better about being weak by pretending you were."
"My last tour wasn't my last tour by choice. Mouse dragged me home. The nightmares, staying awake for days, drinking to try to forget…I was there, Jess." He closed his eyes. "Coming home isn't easy for anyone. Not after what we saw over there."
Jess took a step toward him. "How did you…?"
Jay opened his eyes. He looked straight at Jess. "I let people help. I went to meetings at the VA. I talked to Mouse. I didn't do it alone. I stopped trying to keep it all in."
Jess' chin trembled and she blinked back tears. Jay forced himself to stay put. He didn't want to scare her. Not when she was finally listening. He felt Will holding his breath next to him.
Jess relaxed her grip on her bag. She looked around the apartment. "Can I stay here? While I figure things out?"
"Yes," Jay answered without hesitation. "As long as it takes."
She looked to Will. "I'm not doing inpatient treatment," she said, stubbornness causing her chin to lift slightly.
"Ok," Will said. "We can do something else. There are meetings. I'll go with you."
She hesitated. "I don't think I need to do that."
"Jess," Jay said quietly.
Jess squeezed her eyes shut. She took a shaky breath. "I'll try. One meeting."
Will let out a sigh of relief. "We can start with that."
"I'm—I'm sorry," Jess said to both of them. "I never meant to drag the two of you into this. Into my mess."
"We're family," Jay said firmly. "Your mess is our mess."
Jess returned his smile with a small one of her own.
"Here's to messes," Jay said. "This one's not the first and definitely won't be the last mess a Halstead gets into." He slung an arm
around Jess on one side and Will wrapped an arm around her shoulders on her other side.
"We've got you, kid," Will promised. "We'll get out of this one together."
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Jess managed to eat most of a slice of pizza before pushing her plate away. Jay eyed the small piece she hadn't managed to finish, but didn't say anything. He lifted his Coke and took a drink.
Her palms were damp and she wiped them on her pants. She could feel her heart start to pick up its pace and closed her eyes to take some slow breaths. When she opened them, Will and Jay were watching her. Jess forced a smile that was more of a grimace.
"Why don't we find a meeting tonight?" Will asked, reading the situation correctly.
Jess wanted to retort she didn't need a meeting, she needed a fix. She bit her tongue instead.
Will's pager broke the silence. Frowning he read the message. "I have to go in to work. Jay…?"
"I've got this," Jay assured him. "Jess and I will find a meeting."
Will gave Jess' shoulder a squeeze when he stood. He bent over to meet her eyes. "You can do this." He held up his knuckles and waited for Jess to bump them with her own fist. "Halstead strength," he said.
"Halstead strength," she repeated, trying for some sort of conviction behind the words.
"I'll call and check in later," he said before grabbing his coat and heading out.
Jay smiled at Jess. "Come on. There's a Narcotics Anonymous meeting at Dawson's church tonight. Erin texted me the info earlier."
Jess took a steadying breath. She tried to push her lips into a smile. "Just let me change out of my sweats."
She hurried down the hall and shut the bedroom door behind her. Leaning back against it, she closed her eyes. She could do this. For Jay and Will, she could do this. She could get clean. She could face her demons without drugs.
Opening her eyes, she went to Jay's dresser. She pulled out the top drawer and ran her hands under it. A small envelope was tucked into the drawer frame. She took it and opened it.
The small handful of pills she had stashed there after Jay had flushed what he thought was her entire stash brought a sigh of relief. Jess studied them, chewing on her lower lip. Closing the envelope, she slipped it into her sweatshirt pocket and grabbed some clean jeans from her bag.
Once she had her jeans on, she pulled her phone from her messenger bag. She hesitated, then typed in the text and dropped it back in her bag. Slinging the bag over her shoulder, she opened the door.
"Ready?" Jay asked when she came out of his room.
"Sure," Jess said, shoving her hands into her pockets. She followed Jay downstairs to his car.
The drive to the church was too short. They pulled up before Jess wanted to be there.
Jay found a parking space on the street and started to open his door.
"Jay," Jess said, stopping him. "I think…I think I need to do this without you." She winced, but didn't change her mind.
She could see the hurt cross Jay's face, but he nodded. "I'll be here at 8," he said.
Jess nodded and slipped out of the car. She forced herself not to wrap her hand around the envelope with pills as she climbed the concrete steps up to the church. She could feel Jay watching her so she opened the heavy door and stepped inside.
#
Jay watched Jess go into the church. He started his car and pulled away. He took his first right and found an empty spot with a clear view of the church. He didn't have long to wait.
The door opened and his sister stepped outside. Jay got ready to follow her, but she didn't go anywhere. She avoided the pairs of people smoking outside while they waited for the meeting to start and stood to the side.
Someone must have called to her, she lifted her head and gave a small wave to someone in the parking lot. A lanky man jogged toward her. His movements were familiar.
Jess let him pull her into a hug when he reached the steps. He bent his head down to say something to her. His stocking cap was pulled low and covered his hair. His back was to Jay so he couldn't tell what he said. But he could see Jess give him a smile and nod. She slipped her hand into his. The man pulled Jess close and lowered his head to kiss her.
Jay's hands curled into fists as Jess lifted a hand to the back of the man's head, deepening the kiss. When they finally broke apart, Jess ducked her head and smiled shyly. Jay was about five seconds from getting out of the car when they turned to go into the meeting.
It was Mouse.
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