I'm loading this chapter for a second time, some sort of weird computer formatting thing happened to the first chapter.
Thanks so much for the reviews! Jules and Kathleen- you guys leave the sweetest notes and half the time you make a passing comment that sparks an idea and makes its way into the story a couple chapters later. I'm working on one of those ideas now. :)
Jess quickly poured the eggs into the frying pan. She sprinkled some cheese over them before taking a spatula and stirring them.
"Jess?" Jay demanded, not fooled by her pretense of busyness.
"Do you want onions in your scrambled eggs?" Jess asked.
"I want to know what's between you and Mouse. You know, the guy you met at the meeting last night? My best friend and brother."
Jess focused on the eggs. Thank goodness Jay didn't know she had ended up out with Adam last night. The thought intensified the guilt twisting her stomach in knots.
"I'll just ask Mouse, then," Jay said, turning to go.
"NO!" Jess dropped the spatula with a clatter.
Jay leaned back against the counter. He folded his arms. "I'm listening."
There was a knock at the door and Erin let herself in. She took one look at Jess and gave Jay a raised eyebrow.
Jay smiled a humorless smile at her. "Jess was just about to fill me in on her and Mouse. Grab a cup of coffee. This should be good."
Jess fisted her shaking hands. She didn't even understand what was between her and Mouse, how could she explain it to her brother? She understood even less what was between her and Adam.
"Mouse is a great guy," Erin said, smiling at Jess. She slid a warning look to Jay.
"He is," Jay said, sarcastic sweetness in his smile. "Such a great guy to sneak around behind his friend's back. With a girl nine years younger than him."
"He's a friend," Jess said, surprised at the strength of her defense of Mouse. "He…he makes me laugh. And he puts me at ease."
"So you kiss all your friends hello like that?"
"Jay," Erin warned.
Jess flipped off the burner and moved the still raw eggs off the heat. She faced Jay and hiked her chin up stubbornly. "So tell me what you want me to do, big brother. Tell Mouse I'm not allowed to see anyone because…" Her brow knit. "Why exactly? I'm too screwed up to be with anyone?" Her stomach knotted, knowing if that was Jay's reasoning, he was absolutely right.
"Let's take a minute," Erin cut in, stepping between the two of them. Jay started to say something, but Erin held up a hand to stop him and spoke to Jess. "Jess, I've been where you are. And it's not a great place to build a relationship."
"Exactly," Jay seconded.
"Halstead, zip it," Erin said shortly. Her tone gentled when she turned back to Jess. "But your brother kept reaching into the pit I was in and trying to pull me out. And I needed that. If someone is reaching down to help you up, and he knows what he's getting into, there's nothing wrong with that." She turned to Jay and dared him to argue with her. "Nothing."
Erin's words didn't bring Mouse to mind. Jess thought of brown eyes, holding hers, making her promise she would call if she started spiraling. She pressed her lips together hard enough they hurt. She thought of Mouse, the diversion he offered from her problems. His willingness to be there with her.
Her head was starting to hurt.
"I'm going to go back to bed," she said. "I didn't sleep well last night." Because she was out running through the dark until Adam found her. She winced as the pain in her head pierced her.
In Jay's room, she sat on the edge of the bed. She avoided looking at the top dresser drawer. Pulling a pillow over her head, she rolled over away from the easy escape.
#
"All I'm trying to say, Jay, is that Jess is smart. She's not going to mess around with Mouse's affections."
"And what about Mouse?" Jay asked, punching in the code to the Intelligence Unit and sliding his hand over the palm scanner. "He's messing around with a really screwed up girl."
Erin groaned. "That's not what he's doing." She followed Jay up the rest of the stairs.
Mouse looked up from his desk when they passed. "Hey guys."
Jay gave him a hard look and kept walking. Mouse looked to Erin. She gave him a sympathetic look and went to her own desk.
Mouse grabbed a couple papers off his desk and went over to Jay. "I got the rest of those plates run last night. I got addresses for their owners and cross referenced the owners with addresses, former jobs, high school, family members of Danny's."
Jay took the papers without looking at them. "I'm surprised you had time to do all that last night," he said. "What with all the skulking around you had to do."
"The skulking?" Mouse asked, looking thoroughly confused.
Jay tossed the papers on his desk with a sharp slap. "Yeah, Mouse. The secret meetings with my sister!"
Mouse didn't flinch. He held Jay's gaze. "Your sister called me."
"Ok, so why exactly did she call you? Because of all the experience you have going to NA meetings? Or because you're willing to take advantage of her when she's clearly not ready for a relationship?"
Mouse moved so quickly Jay didn't see it coming. He gave Jay a quick shove and pointed a finger in his face. "Don't say that," he said through clenched teeth. "Whatever's between me and Jess is our business. But I would never use her."
For the second time that morning, Erin put herself between Jay and someone. She kept a hand on Jay's chest and looked around at the rest of the team watching them.
Mouse lowered his voice. "You know what it's like, Jay. Coming back from over there. You need all the friends you can get."
Jay narrowed his eyes. "Yeah. Friends. She's in no place to be dating anyone. You know that. You know exactly what she's going through and that's no place to be seeing someone."
Mouse went still. His jaw worked, but he didn't argue.
"Alright," Voight's voice broke the loaded silence. "If you two have finished marking your territory, we have a case to work."
Jay didn't move until Mouse had gone back to his desk. He gave Erin a slight nod when she asked if he was ready to get his head in the game.
His jaw clenched and he didn't know if his head was going to be totally in the game until Jess got her life together.
#
Jess couldn't get her life together. She knew that. And Jay clearly knew that. As well-intentioned as Erin was with her pep talk, she was wrong. There was no way Jess was going to get out of this pit. It wasn't fair to drag Mouse into it with her.
Jess closed her eyes and lifted her face to the evening sun shining down.
"Hey."
Jess opened her eyes as Mouse sat down on the concrete step next to her.
"You waiting for Jay to get home?" he asked.
Jess shook her head. "Just getting some air. Thinking."
Mouse looked out at the cars passing on the street. "Yeah. That'll get you into trouble." When Jess didn't say anything more, he looked at her, his shoulder brushing hers as he shifted. "Good thoughts?"
"I think I'm going to go to my meeting alone tonight," she said. She fought the urge to fidget.
Mouse nodded slowly. "Are you sure? You think that's what you need to do?"
No. She didn't know what she needed to do. But she needed to figure it out on ther own. Or at least not let Mouse drown alongside her while she tried. Or Adam. She felt her nails dig into her palm and tried to relax her clenched fists.
"You know I'm there if you need. Just call."
She couldn't find the words to answer so she just nodded.
"You need a ride?"
"Will's on his way. He said he'd drop me off."
Mouse nodded. He stood and put his hands in his pockets. "Call if you want. Let me know how it goes." He paused, lost in his own thoughts before speaking again. "We're friends. I'm here if you need a friend."
Jess nodded again. She tried to manage a smile for Mouse. For everything he was trying to be for her.
Mouse leaned down to kiss her. He hesitated before their lips touched, frowning to himself before pulling away. Jess blinked up at him, uncertain what was wrong. He brushed a kiss on her cheek before straightening up.
He gave her his crooked grin. "I'm pulling for you Jess. I know you've got this."
Jess couldn't help but return his smile. She reached out and traced a light hand down his forearm.
Mouse stepped back. "We'll talk tomorrow."
But firsts she had to make it through tonight, Jess thought to herself.