Sorry about the weird formatting with Chapter 16- I hope it's readable for everyone now.
I'm soooo nervous about posting this chapter. Please don't hate me!
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"How was your meeting?" Will asked, breaking the silence.
Jess stared out the car window at the buildings they passed. "Fine."
"Mouse didn't go with you tonight?"
Jess slid her eyes to him. "Jay told you?"
Will smiled. "Erin. She wanted to be sure Jay didn't do anything stupid."
Jess turned back to her window. "Stupid seems to be the Halstead way in our twenties, right?"
Will thought about it and gave a shrug. "You've got a point. I partied my way through my time in New York. Jay definitely wasn't making smart decisions when he came home from the war."
"And I'm just continuing the family tradition," Jess whispered to herself.
"You know what else is the Halstead way?" Will asked as he pulled his car into an open space across the street from Jay's building. He turned the engine off, but didn't move to open the door. "Getting through it."
Jess opened her door, avoiding looking at Will. "Right."
She crossed the street with Will, trying to ignore the streetlights shining down on them. Trying not to think about helicopters in war zones. She bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood.
A movement around the corner of Jay's building caught her eye. Will kept walking, unaware. Jess slowed her steps. The figure jerked his head, motioning her over to him.
"I, uh, forgot something in your car." Jess stopped before climbing the single step to the door.
Will fished the keys out of his pocket and started toward the car.
"I can—I can grab it," Jess said. She forced a neutral tone and held out her hand for the keys. "I'll just be a minute."
Will handed over the keys. "See you inside," he said.
Jess waited until the door closed and she was sure he wasn't coming back out before she pocketed the keys and headed for the corner.
She scanned the street warily as she approached the corner of the building.
"Over here," a low voice called.
Jess gave one more check of the street behind her before stepping into the shadows between the buildings.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. "The cops are looking for you. My brother is looking for you."
Danny took a drag on his cigarette and blew out the smoke, his slight frame fidgeting nervously. "They only need me so you don't have to identify those bangers who shot up my boys. They'll also need you to testify."
She didn't want what he said to be true. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of having to sit in a courtroom in front of strangers and relive what had happened. And have those memories trigger flashbacks while she was on display for everyone to see.
"You're going to let them get away with what they did?" Jess asked. She didn't blame him. She couldn't, she was willing to let them get away with shooting two people to save herself.
"Business is suffering when I have to be in the wind. Can't meet customers anywhere public. They don't know where to find me. I'm not getting any kickbacks from Ruzek when I can't supply him with information."
"So you'll ID the guys? Testify against them?"
Danny gave her a smirk. "Let you off the hook, you mean?"
Jess didn't answer.
"Here's the deal," Danny said, getting serious. "I need to get this taken care of so I can get back to business. But I can't do that unless I have someone I trust dealing for me while I'm on the cops' radar."
Jess wanted to shake her head. She looked down at the ground.
"You have good reason to not screw things up while I'm buddying up to the cops. You turn on me, I stop cooperating with your brother."
Jess finally managed to shake her head. "I'm not dealing for you," she said.
Danny shrugged. "Then they'll need you to play nice with them. Probably go into protective custody until trial. That should be fun, having someone sit on you 24/7. Never a minute to yourself. Never a chance to take a breath on your own."
Jess rubbed her hands over her arms, trying to hide the shaking that was starting in her hands.
Danny clamped his cigarette between his lips while he dug something out of his pocket. He handed the bottle to Jess.
Jess didn't want to take it. She folded her arms, gripping her fingers around her upper arms to keep from reaching out.
"Take it," Danny said kindly. "I'll owe you more than this if you keep my customers happy. And you'll get away from being the one chained to the cops. You can sleep wherever you want, without them staring at you. You said you have nightmares. You want every patrolman in the city getting a turn listening to your worst fears every night?"
Jess almost sighed in relief when she felt the cool plastic bottle in her palm. She didn't open it.
Danny smiled. "Meet me over at the park after dark tomorrow night. I'll get you set up."
"I…I can't…" Jess said.
"You think about it, girl. You know where to find me. Tomorrow night."
He melted back into the shadows, leaving her alone with nothing for comfort but the drugs in her hand.
Swallowing hard, Jess stuck the bottle in her jacket pocket. She hurried back out under the streetlights, squinting at their brightness. A motorcycle started down the block, it's rough engine sounding too much like a helicopter. Jess took a shaky breath and hurried her steps.
Memories flashed in front of her. Soldiers crying in pain, more helicopters bringing in more injured. Gunfire, explosions. The sights came more quickly until she could no longer see the sidewalk. She saw canvas tents, makeshift hospitals in the desert, instead of Jay's apartment complex. A soldier gripped her hand tightly, begging her to help him, to not let him die.
Jess tried to pull her hand away. "I can't help you," she said brokenly.
"Jess."
It was Mouse's voice. Not a dying soldier. Jess tried to see him, see something real.
"Slow down, Jess," Mouse was saying. He reached out and got a hold of her other hand, too.
Jess was forced to stop walking. Her breath came in sharp gasps. She squeezed her eyes shut.
When she stopped moving, Mouse let go of her hands. He put a hand on each side of her face. His blue eyes were steady.
Jess needed steady. Impulsively, she leaned into him, pressing her lips against his hungrily.
Mouse started to respond, before he pulled back abruptly.
"Let's go back to your place," Jess said desperately. Anything to get her away from the memories, the pain.
"No," he said gently. "This isn't what you need. I didn't come here for this. I just wanted to see how your meeting went."
"It's what I need. I need you," she said, her voice sounding frantic, even to her own ears.
Mouse dropped his hands down to her shoulders and gave them a comforting squeeze before releasing her and taking a step back. "Jay was right," he said under his breath.
"What?" Jess shivered slightly, the night air feeling too cool without Mouse next to her.
"You need a friend, Jess. Not a boyfriend. Not a distraction." He shook his head and let out a short laugh. "I'm just a replacement for the drugs for you."
"No," Jess shook her head quickly. "No, you're not. I like you, Mouse. I really like you."
Instead of the crooked grin, his smile was sad. "I know you do. And I really like you. That's why I think we need to just be friends."
It was a blow that hit her straight in the chest. The one thing she thought was going right was gone.
Jess took a step back. And then another. Another, until she turned away from Mouse, from Jay's apartment, from Will and Jay and Erin. She started running. Her feet pounded against the pavement. She heard Mouse call out for her to stop, but she only ran faster, trying to outrun her world finally collapsing in on her.