This was not supposed to be such a long time between updates, I hope it was worth the wait! I love hearing what you think. :)
Who's excited for the US season premiere tonight? I can't wait!
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"What happened to you?"
Voight heard Erin's exclamation through his open office door. It took a lot to get a rise out of her. He ventured to the doorway to scan his bullpen.
Jay was shrugging Erin off, trying to get to his desk with minimal fuss. Voight felt an eyebrow raise at the sight of Halstead's face. A black eye, a busted lip, and good welt on the forehead.
"What's the other guy look like?" Atwater asked.
"Something like this," Mouse answered, coming up the stairs.
Burgess gasped at the sight of Mouse's two black eyes framing an equally bruised nose.
"You hit Mouse?" Erin exclaimed, her expression vacillating between horror and disbelief before landing on anger.
"It was an accident," Jay clarified, giving Mouse a quelling look.
Mouse ignored it.
"Yep. Totally accidental he nailed me. It was not, however, an accident that he laid Will out and Will cracked Jay's ribs. Pretty sure Will wanted to break a few bones."
"This is you keeping your head on straight while your sister is missing?" Voight finally asked, bringing the conversation to a deafening silence.
Jay's eyes narrowed as he turned toward his sergeant. Erin laid a restraining hand on his forearm.
Everything within him wanted to shake off Erin's hand. She sensed it, because she tightened her grip on his arm. Jay hissed out a breath between his teeth and looked away.
Voight nodded to himself. "Halstead, you're at your desk today. I don't need cracked ribs slowing us down." He didn't give Jay a chance to argue, turning and heading back into his office.
Jay took a step to chase him down, but Erin still had his arm.
"Don't," she said. The quiet tone didn't lessen the force of the word. "So help me, Halstead, I'll break the rest of your ribs if you don't take a breath here."
Jay looked over at Mouse. It was pretty much the same thing Mouse had told him and Will. To wait. To let Jess come to them.
"Take a breath?" he asked Erin.
She raised an eyebrow in response.
Jay wasn't sure how he was supposed to take a breath when he couldn't breathe, not knowing where his baby sister was. Not knowing if she was in danger. If she was—
A chair pushed back abruptly across the bullpen and Adam stood. He grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair.
"NO," Erin said, her attention turning from Jay to Ruzek.
Adam ignored her, pocketing his keys and heading for the stairs.
"Ruzek," Atwater called.
No response. Adam left them behind. Let them 'take a breath'. He wasn't sitting around while Jess was out dealing, putting herself between suppliers and junkie buyers, right in the middle of a gang turf war.
He told himself he was doing what any good cop would do. Serve and protect.
But he usually was able to serve and protect without thinking of haunted blue eyes.
#
Adam took a long tour of the city.
It wasn't much of a tour, not when he wound through all the streets where the homeless congregated, past shelters with people lined up outside, and the parks where drug deals went down. It was more of a survey of the dark side of the city.
And no Jess.
Turning down another street, lined with duplexes and small yards littered with trash, Adam scanned the people sitting on the porches.
Down at the end of the block, he saw someone pull a sweatshirt hood up over her head. She turned and started walking, head down, hands in pockets, away from him.
Adam pressed his foot on the accelerator until he was alongside her. She picked up her pace.
Rolling down the window, Adam called out to her. "Jess."
He didn't miss seeing her shoulders tighten, her hands jam down farther in her pockets. But she didn't turn to him.
"Are you ok?" Adam asked.
Still no answer.
"Do you need anything?"
She finally looked toward him and he tried not to react when he saw the dark circles under her eyes, her smooth skin under a layer of grime from living on the streets. Her cheekbones were more pronounced, her face gaunt. But the hopelessness in her eyes was what scared him.
She quickly covered the hopelessness with a flash of anger. "Are you here to save me? Jay sent Mouse first and now you? Is Erin next in line?"
"I've been worried."
Jess stopped walking and turned to face him. She studied him and Adam was sure she was listening, he could see the hard slash of her mouth softening. And then she took a step toward him. "Tell Jay I can take care of myself. I'm not his problem." She started to turn, then swung back. "And I'm definitely not your problem."
She turned quickly and started back the way she came.
Adam shifted into park and got out of his car. It only took an easy jog to catch up to her angry stride.
"You promised me." He could tell she remembered. "If you start spiraling…"
"Before I do anything," she finished, her words quiet. She met his eyes, the mask of anger stripped away again.
It was like a punch to the gut, seeing the raw vulnerability on her face.
"You're spiraling," Adam said softly.
Jess looked away, blinking quickly. Her lips trembled and she pressed them together.
"But you don't have to hit bottom," he said. "Not if you let someone help."
Her emotion came out as a bitter laugh, shaky and ready to break. Adam could hear the tears pressing to be released. "You don't think this is bottom?" she asked.
Adam shook his head. "It's not bottom until there's no one left to catch you."
She finally looked at him again, tears on the edge of her lashes, ready to spill. She didn't ask the question. Not out loud.
"I'll catch you," he promised.
#
Jess tried not to fidget as Adam drove. She kept glancing at his phone, his radio, waiting for him to call Jay.
"I told you I wouldn't," he finally said, no animosity in his words.
"What?" she asked.
"I told you I wouldn't tell Jay. You can crash at my place and I won't tell Jay. Telling your brother is up to you."
Jess nodded, licking her lips. She wove her shaking fingers together. Her feet shifted nervously on the floor mat of the car.
"How long since your last fix?" Adam asked.
Embarrassment squeezed at Jess. That's what she had become. Someone who needed a fix. And Adam could see that.
"Last night," she said. She wanted to tell Adam that she was fine, that every nerve in her body wasn't strung out and screaming for the relief a hit would give. "I'm—I'm," she started.
"Darlin', you're not fine," Adam said before she could lie to him. He pulled into the lot next to his building and put his car in park. He turned to her, his brown eyes serious. "You don't need to tell me what you think I want to hear."
Jess nodded, relieved when he opened his door and got out, his presence overwhelming her. She followed him into the building and up to his apartment. He unlocked the door and stepped inside.
Jess glanced around. This was where she had gone when she wanted help. The night Adam had held her so she could sleep. Her cheeks burned. And now she was back. She ran a hand through her stringy hair, knowing the comforting friendship of before wasn't an option anymore. Not when she had sunk to this.
"I, uh…" Adam didn't go into the apartment any farther after he closed the door behind her. "I need to make sure you don't have anything on you," he said, wincing.
She deserved nothing less than the shame that threatened to burn her and she knew it. Jess took off her sweatshirt and tossed it to him so he could see her pockets were empty. She turned out the pockets of her jeans. Nothing more than a ten dollar bill left from what she had sold for Danny.
"Thanks," Adam said.
Jess shrugged and shook her head, grabbing her sweatshirt back from him.
"Do you want a shower?" Adam asked.
Jess managed a nod. Of course Adam wouldn't want her in his house in her current state. She reminded herself she had earned her place in this pit of embarrassment.
Adam led her to the small bathroom and handed her a clean towel off a shelf. "I'll get you some clean clothes. Take as long as you need."
Jess nodded, setting the towel aside on the edge of the sink so she didn't soil it with her filth.
Adam started to walk out, then stopped at the medicine cabinet. Opening the mirrored door, he pulled out two bottles. "Injured on the job last year and then at the gym," he said, trying for an easy smile and failing. "The gave me way better stuff than I needed."
Jess couldn't meet his eyes. She waited for him to take the painkillers from the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Peeling off her clothes and letting them fall to the floor she stepped into the shower, turning the water to a scalding stream.
The water wasn't nearly as hot as the tears that streaked down her face, sobs shaking her frame as she leaned her forehead against the porcelain tile.
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