Return to the Flowers and the Stars

It's raining when they enter Nibelheim.

Well, the rain is more like mist - the droplets are so thin and light that they hang and drift through the air, caught up in the gossamer fog of the atmosphere. Daybreak is giving way to a bleak and clouded sunlight, but the roads are overhung by the darkness of dawn, distant kerosene lamps lighting up the pathway ahead.

Cloud feels the dampness coat his skin, a peal of thunder opening up in a rumble somewhere in the distance. Ahead of him, he sees the dirt road narrow into a cobblestone pathway beneath an arched, iron sign that invites them into the village where he was born.

It's hard not to ignore the instant panic that seizes him when he takes those first careful steps forward. His last visit here is a memory he hates to recall, its edges rimmed with flames that he can still feel singeing away the hairs of his arms. He's thought about that memory more in the last week than he has in the last five years, recalling the events that left him alone in the world with no place to call home - other than this group of vagabonds who follow him on a journey he is still seeking to understand.

He's expecting to find it reduced to ash, to be nothing more than the charred frames and foundations of houses that would be left behind in the wake of a fiery raid. His breath stilled in his lungs, he's expecting to find a ghost town, bereft of life and habitation after everyone here was murdered right in front of his eyes, either over a flame or over a blade.

What he is not expecting is to find the sleepy but bustling little mountain village of his youth, houses weathered but standing sturdy and tall, people milling about the streets on their way to the local shops. He isn't expecting to find the market square or the roads that lead north towards the Shinra Mansion and the mountains.

And he isn't expecting to see the water tower of his youth, old and wooden but tried and true, sitting in the center of town the way it had seven years prior, underneath the glow of thousands of stars.

He's staring at it in a state of shock, his thoughts beginning to descend into static when she is suddenly beside him. Cloud only knows it's her because he always knows when she draws near - knows her scent, knows the patterns of her breath, knows the rhythm of her heartbeat whether it is racing or it is calm. And right now it is wild, beating quicker and quicker the longer that they stand there on the cusp of the village.

"Cloud…?" she whispers in confusion at his side.

Cloud tears his eyes from the center of the village, at last, to look over at her. Tifa is standing right at his side, staring ahead, cardinal eyes wide as they pull back and forth. He hears footsteps crunch behind him as the rest of the group catches up to them, but Cloud ignores them, the blood in his ears beginning to drown out all sound as he wonders if what they are looking at is real. Tifa turns to him, and he can see that she is looking to him for answers.

Cloud opens his mouth to try and respond, but before his brain can properly assemble a response, Barret is thundering to his left.

"Wait a damn minute!" he roars. "I thought you said this place burned to the ground!"

"It did," Cloud says in a controlled tempo, but he's gritting his teeth. Tifa's hand comes up to his bicep, and the instant feel of the pads of her fingers on his skin seems to quell some of the steadily rising rage and confusion he's feeling.

"Cloud," Tifa says his name again, and Cloud lets out a deep breath. "What… what's going on?"

The rest of the group - Aerith, Yuffie, Nanaki, and Cait Sith - come up behind them, and Cloud can feel their expectant stares burn through his back. He knows that everyone is looking to him for guidance, for some type of explanation of what is going on. The scene that is in front of them paints a vividly different picture than the one he shared with them a little over a week ago in Kalm, and he frets internally, wondering how he is going to even begin to make sense of any of this.

"I'm not sure," he manages, and even though he is collapsing from the inside out, he can't let his leadership falter. He can't let the others see him weak and indecisive; if he doesn't hold it together, they'll all fall apart. They've come close to it more than a few times as it were on this journey so far.

He has to keep it together.

Especially for her.

He looks over at Tifa again at that thought. She's pulled her hand away from his arm, and the lack of its warmth does not go unnoticed. The static in the back of his mind rises, and he shakes his head out, aggrieved.

"We need to investigate," he tells Tifa, but loud enough for the rest of the group to hear. "But we have a lot of ground to cover, and we can't spend more than a day here if Sephiroth has already moved on. Tifa, you take Aerith and Yuffie and cover the northern part of town. The rest of us will head southwest."

"Sexist," Yuffie chirps behind him.

Cloud doesn't have time for this shit. Already he can feel the makings of a headache inching across the farthest corners of his skull, and he knows from past experience that if he lets it get much worse, it's going to form a debilitating band across his forehead. He ignores Yuffie completely and nods at Tifa, waiting for her to affirm his instructions.

She looks like she wants to protest, but she lets her hesitation wane and she nods back at him. "Okay," she tells him, her voice quiet. Aerith comes up at her side, holding her staff in front of her.

"We've got this, Cloud," she assures him, but Cloud's eyes are still holding Tifa's.

For whatever reason, it's so hard to look away from her. This town is where it all began and ended for them both, and there is so much shared history between them that lives here, moments they've alluded to and others they haven't spoken of at all since they reunited.

Tifa turns back to the village beyond. He can see the way that she is hesitant to move forward, and Cloud suddenly doesn't want to part ways with her. But they have limited amounts of time and a significant amount of territory to cover, and it is most efficient if they break up into teams. He offers her a tiny, reassuring smile, even though his heart is racing and his anxiety has spiked. It does the job, though, and Tifa smiles back at him before she looks to Aerith and Yuffie and gestures for them to follow her. Cloud watches with his eyes pinned to the back of her body, following the back and forth curve of her hips as the three women follow the paths deeper into the northernmost portion of town.

For the next stretch of hours, Cloud explores the refurbished Nibelheim, shaking his head and doing his absolute best to suppress the rising urge to descend into a complete panic attack at the discordance they discover in town. Cloud tries not to think too hard over what he sees, knowing Shinra's capacity to fabricate and control narratives anyway that they can for whatever purposes they see fit. But this seems like even too much for them, and he wonders what they could possibly gain by keeping this town afloat rather than just burying it completely like so many other villages their greed has razed.

Most of the homes in town are occupied by new residents, villagers who glare at him and fight his questions with hostile responses. Cloud tries not to let it vex him, but by the time he makes it to the street where he and Tifa once lived, his fury has built to unstable levels.

The sun has gone down when Cloud, Barret, Nanaki, and Cait regroup at the inn in the center of town, just across from the water tower. He glances up at it as he makes his way, feeling a flutter in his heart at the sight of it, rusted and worn but looking so unchanged from the memories of his youth. His cheeks warm as he remembers what transpired between him and Tifa up there all those years ago, and he quickly looks away, a flurry of sadness and despondency shifting inside of him when he realizes that the tower that sits in front of him isn't the same one they shared together.

Cloud shakes his head and heads into the inn without a word to the others as they follow behind him. He's tired and annoyed from Barret's complaining and Cait's terrible anecdotes all afternoon, and their search didn't yield very useful results. He's exhausted at this point and he's stressed, and he can't get Sephiroth and his pull of them north off of his mind.

When he walks inside, he finds the rest of their party waiting for them in the inn's main dining room, seated on couches in front of the fireplace. Well - most of the rest of their party - Yuffie and Aerith are there, but Tifa is nowhere to be found and he notices this at once.

"Where's Tifa?" is the first thing that he asks.

Yuffie laughs, Barret rolling his eyes as he finds a seat on one of the couches and Nanaki pads into the room and lays in front of the fire. But Aerith gives Yuffie a look before she shakes her head and gets to her feet, approaching Cloud. He takes a step back when she comes up to him, folding his arms over his chest.

"Can we talk outside?" Aerith says in a light whisper, turning away from the curious glares of the others.

Cloud tries not to sigh too loudly in response, but he's not going to lie and say he isn't completely frustrated. He's tired and overstretched and he isn't in the best of moods after dealing with what he did while searching through town earlier. With everything that's going on, the one thing he was looking forward to doing before the night ends is talking to Tifa.

"Yeah?" he bites back, unable to keep the citrus out of his tone.

Aerith lets his mild hostility roll off her shoulders and she responds by making her way out of the inn. Cloud sighs again and he follows her, shaking his head in disagreement but not bothering to argue.

He follows her out onto the street, the sky beginning to dim as the murky, storm-coated sun drips the last of its light behind the mountains. The thickness in the air from the rain has stagnated, and the fog begins to build, hovering lower and lower over the town.

"What is it?" Cloud asks Aerith when they make it outside and are alone.

Aerith folds her hands in front of her, but she doesn't turn to him just yet. She is looking up at the sky, light raindrops falling into her hair. She lets a moment pass by and Cloud finds his annoyance mount, but she turns to him at last and lets out a heavy sigh.

"You really need to talk to Tifa," she says.

Cloud can't resist the compulsion to frown. That's what he's been trying to do all day - in earnest, all week - if he could just find one fucking moment to spend alone with her. But they've been focused on their travels and today has been all about trying to figure out what in the name of Minerva is going on in this goddamn town he grew up in. And now, she is nowhere to be found.

"What do you mean?" he asks, trying to hold on to his patience.

Aerith offers a frown of her own, and he knows that something is wrong because he rarely sees her make those pensive kinds of faces. He places his hands on his hips and waits.

"She's not doing too well," Aerith says. "I've been trying to talk to her the last few days, but today was really bad. I think coming back here has really upset her. She's been out of sorts all day long while we're looking through town, and usually, she'll listen to me when I talk to her. But she was very… moody today."

Cloud meets eyes with Aerith and his eyebrows narrow in consternation. He isn't exactly sure what to make of this. He's done his best to keep up with Tifa the last couple of weeks, but he admits with a fair degree of shame that ever since they've left Midgar, he's been distracted by the specters in his mind, by the push and pull that's kept him going on this journey. And there are always other people around them - Aerith included - which makes it hard for him to have a moment alone with her the way he wants.

However, he thinks as Aerith cocks her head to the side, he hasn't failed to notice that Aerith and Tifa always seem to manage to make time for one another. That vexes him significantly, and he can't help taking it out on her.

"Well, where is she?" he snaps.

Aerith doesn't react to his rising display of attitude, and Cloud can see that she is purely concerned about her friend. "That's the thing, Cloud," she replies. "I don't know where she is. We searched the mansion, and then the market square. The more we talked to people and the more that we saw, the more upset I could tell that Tifa was getting. When we were on our way back, she insisted that she would meet up with us in a little bit… she said she wanted to pay her respects."

Cloud just stares at Aerith.

"I… didn't want to argue with her, and it wasn't like she was taking no for an answer, anyway. She promised to come right back, but now it's getting late, and…"

"So you don't know where she is?" Cloud says, and he hates the way his heart starts to pound and panic is beginning to build like a fortress inside of his chest. Aerith clasps her hands together and shakes her head.

"Please, Cloud," Aerith pleads. "I think… you're the only one who can reach her. You've got to look for her."

Cloud doesn't need Aerith or anyone else to tell him this. He nods, and without another word, he turns away.

He searches the village.

Tifa sits in the middle of a cherry blossom grove behind her old house, running the pads of her fingers along the dewy wetness that sits on the fat petals of pink and lavender flowers. They grow in scattered bunches on the branches of the trees that line the grass all the way to the hills that climb up high to the north of the village, and Tifa has pulled a few of the ones that fight through the rough, rainy winter weather off of their roots so that she can hold them in her hands, stroking her fingertips across their softness.

Flowers are strange things, Tifa thinks as she twirls a trio of them between her fingertips. They are so pretty but so fragile, their lifespans instantly numbered once they've been uprooted or when they've been torn from the branches of a tree. You can try to keep them alive for a little while longer with some water and some sunlight, but the fact remains that once they've lost their connection with the soil, they are destroyed.

Tifa thinks this is how her life has been. She's been thinking it for years now, but she's found a way to cope and to survive. Yet the last few weeks have reminded her of the impossibilities of what she has faced in the last five years, have reared the ugly truth that her past was never truly behind her. But coming back to this place has done something to her that Tifa can't name and has difficulty facing.

The cherry blossom grove stretches on for hundreds of feet until it breaks and fades at the base of the mountain behind her, where the soil turns rocky and gray, its life seeping away. In the distance in front of her, she can see the back porch of her childhood home just beyond the dirt and grass, unchanged from her faraway and fogged-up memories. She hasn't been able to bring herself to go inside - exploring the Shinra Mansion and some of the shops she remembers from her childhood with Aerith and Yuffie had been jarring enough. She remembers watching all of this burn to the ground right in front of her, watching her father's corpse leak across the reactor's catwalk, and even though she can reason quite logically enough with what Shinra has done here, she still finds it difficult to believe and it still hurts too much to dwell on.

She can't bring herself to go into her old house, to see the way that these imposters have manufactured such an elaborate lie in place of her cherished memories. It is too much to handle, but the cherry blossoms, for whatever reason, bring her comfort.

Flowers are pretty and she's always admired them. The last flower that she treasured was one that Cloud had given her just a couple of weeks ago, but like everything else in her life, it is dead too. She thinks about the lily and its soft, pale yellow petals, and she shakes her head, plucking a petal from one of the blossoms she holds.

She gets to her feet, brushing the mist of the rain from her skirt. Thinking about Cloud only sends a fresh stab of pain through her heart. She hasn't been able to stop thinking about him since she found him again, a reunion in the rain that was not unlike the drizzle that's fallen tonight. He hadn't been very lucid, and it had been her first time seeing him in years - seven to be exact - but something isn't quite adding up. He isn't himself, no matter how hard Tifa wants to believe he is, but she can't quite pin her fingers on what exactly is wrong. Maybe SOLDIER changed him more than she wants to admit, but the boy she grew up with had never been so bold and decisive and commanding, and she had never known him to be such a flirt.

She isn't complaining - her feelings for him have run rivers through her bones for years - but she can't shake the sense that something is wrong.

But what bothers her the most are his memories of events. Tifa is confused because her memories don't match his, and now, she is doubting herself. She's spent the last week pouring over every detail he shared that night in Kalm, comparing them to the blurred recollections she carries with her. No matter how much she tries, she doesn't remember him being there - knows in the deepest part of her heart that it wasn't him who was with Sephiroth that fateful week that everything incinerated and collapsed. But she has little way to prove it and Cloud is so confident and sure in his story that she doesn't dare contradict him.

She knows that something is not right with him - but maybe there is something wrong with her, too.

Tifa leaves the grove and heads back to the street, doing her best to keep from looking back at her house. She sees Cloud's next door and she can't help the way she glances back at it before she quickly refocuses her attention ahead of her. It was a mistake coming here, she thinks over and over again as she makes her way back through town. She was expecting to find nothing but ash and the charred remains of houses and the lingering scent of smoke in the air, but just like her and Cloud's corrupt memories, this falsehood is far worse than the ugly and painful truth.

She had split off from Aerith and Yuffie a couple of hours ago and she hasn't even realized how dark the sky has grown until now. The rain has mostly stopped but the air is still heavy and thick, and that at least is one thing about Nibelheim that hasn't changed. Tifa knows that the hour has grown late and that her friends may begin to worry, but she doesn't feel like going back to the inn just yet. She doesn't feel like seeing anyone or answering questions - Aerith has been pestering her and pulling her to the side ever since they left Gongaga - and she doesn't know what to say to any of it, anyway.

The only person she wants to talk to is Cloud, but she wonders if he even knows yet that she hasn't returned.

She pushes that thought aside, at a loss of what to do with herself now. She hasn't eaten in hours but she lacks an appetite, so stopping for a bite seems completely unappetizing. She's tired, but she is wearier inside than she is on the outside, and she doesn't see the appeal in returning to the inn to go to bed.

Instead, she drifts through town aimlessly, the streets bereft of villagers at this late hour. She eventually finds herself returning to the village center. It's right near some of the shops they'd investigated earlier and not far from the paths that lead up to the Shinra Mansion. But those aren't the things that capture Tifa's attention and have her eyes looking skyward.

It's the water tower.

Somehow, it doesn't seem as massive as it did all those years ago. It seems smaller, but this replica still stretches up into the sky, its rusted windmill turning in a lazy rotation against the cool night air. Tifa stops and stares at it, her heart thundering in her chest as she thinks about what she is actually looking at here.

Her feet are suddenly carrying her in its direction even though she knows it is useless and foolish. There is a ladder fashioned from iron attached to one side, and Tifa swears that even the imperfections in the rust and grooves of its rungs are accurate representations of her memory. She thinks of Shinra again, and the sudden rise of anger that bursts in her chest eclipses the melancholy that has settled over her heart.

Nonetheless, she can't help but think about Cloud again when she makes it to the platform at the top, right against the wide barrel of the water tower's tank. The last time she was up here - on their actual water tower - she had been with him. She knows he remembers that moment, but she wonders if he thinks about it the way that she has, over and over again, endlessly for the last seven years.

She crouches and sits with one knee folded up to her chest and the other dangling over its side, pressing her back against the wood behind her as she stares up at the night sky. The air is still misty and thick but the stars are so bright that she can see every twinkle and shine of them as they stretch in long, illuminate patterns. They glow like tiny light posts, blues and whites against a sea of black. She can feel the shimmers they create across her skin, bathing her in memories that are sweet but too distant and pure to have faith in anymore.

She doesn't know why, but the longer that she stares at them, the more that her heart squeezes. The stars were once a fairy tale that held all of her wildest hopes and dreams, the budding love and affection she felt burst like a sunrise inside of her when he made that promise to her. She's been in love with him ever since and she'll probably never stop, but she knows that fairy tales aren't real and that dreams don't come true.

And so Tifa cries silently, tears burning hot streams down both sides of her face. She wants to weep and sob, but she can't, the choked sounds trapping themselves in her throat. All she can do is let the salty liquid fall and stain her skin, the romantic reveries she's been hanging onto for years now crashing into the fiery abyss that this lie of a water tower is built upon.

"Tifa?"

She is so caught up in the despondency of her thoughts that she doesn't even notice when he's climbed up there and that he stands behind her now, one gloved hand leaning against the water tower. He moves like a cat, she realizes, silent and stealthily, and the sound of his voice so suddenly behind her is the first indication she has that anyone has discovered where she was or thought to find her here. She wonders how he knew, but the steadily rising tempo of her heart tells her that deep inside, she already knows.

She turns to him, and her heart throbs at the look on his face, at the way the stars make crystals out of his hair. His expression is crossed between concern and slight aggravation, and Tifa realizes she has lost track of time. She wonders how long he has been looking for her, and the fact that he has found her both shatters and renews her heart.

When she faces him, she sees his eyes widen, and she is instantly embarrassed that he's found her in this state. He moves towards her at once, scaling the ledge of the water tower until he stops at her side and then crouches down beside her. She turns away, trying as discretely as possible to wipe away at her cheeks.

"You're crying," he states, and his voice trembles. Tifa recognizes the unsure tenor of it and she hopes that she isn't succeeding in just making him upset. He is already dealing with so much; she knows how his mind is weighed down and that he living leagues deep in confusion and perhaps something even worse. "What's going on? I've been looking everywhere for you. Aerith said you walked off, and I…"

He trails off, looking away in embarrassment at the way his voice creaks. He raises a knee and rests his arm atop it, and Tifa can see the strain that is written across his expression. She hates that she is making him worry and fret, and all she wants is to disappear and never burden him again.

"It's nothing," she lies, not wanting to betray that he and this very town they are perched above are the reasons for all of her despair. "I just - I needed a little bit of time to think."

She wants to say something more, but she knows that if she fibs too much, he will catch on. There may be galaxies between them after all these years, but she has realized one thing over the last couple of weeks.

Cloud knows her, and he seems to know a way to look into her heart.

As if he can read her thoughts, he turns back to her. His eyes are blue diamonds, picking up every rainbow refraction from the nightlights above. She can't turn away from them, even when she sees the mako in them gently pulse, reminding her of how much has truly changed. But her thoughts are completely stunted when Cloud reaches up a tentative and shaky hand, gently brushing the leather that coats his fingers across her cheek as he wipes a line of her tears away.

"Are you sure that's it?" he asks her.

Tifa doesn't answer at first. She can't very well tell him what is truly bothering her, that she is worried that he is slipping away from her before she could ever catch him. She holds his eyes and stares back, seeing the acceptance and patience that live there. She realizes that no matter how foolish or impulsive or emotionally weak she has been in the weeks since they reunited, Cloud is always patient with her and he never pushes her too far.

Why does this have to be so hard?

"It's just so difficult seeing all of this, after watching it burn," she finally tells him. "How could they do this to our memories, Cloud? This is so cruel."

Cloud looks down at the wood between them, and he drops his hand to the grooves and indentations that are twisted there. He shakes his head, and Tifa sees the way that the corners of his eyes twitch as he thinks. He seems trapped between misery and a rising sense of anger that he is trying to contain, and Tifa wonders if he's keeping it in check just for her.

"Shinra…Sephiroth…" Cloud grouses quietly under his breath. But he doesn't finish his statement, and there is enough hatred in those two words for them both.

"How did you find me?" she decides to change the subject, wiping the rest of her face dry with the back of her hand.

Cloud looks back at her, and the torrents of emotions flip on his face. He seems to have softened from the anger that was just gripping him, nearly sharing a smile. She hates to admit but it melts her and it almost makes her feel as if things aren't as bad as they seem.

Almost.

"Aerith was worried, but she didn't know where you were. I - I tried to think of where you might go. At first, I thought about that little bluff on the other side of town, where the cherry blossoms grow and you used to play with Maru."

At this, Tifa turns her head sharply. The mention of that cat's name has her stunned. She can't remember the last time she thought of him, but more importantly, hearing Cloud bring him up so casually is enough to make her head spin.

"Wait," she bubbles in response. "You remember that?"

Cloud is actually smiling now, but it's more like a smirk. Yet it is warm and affectionate even though it is playful, and she can't remember the last time she saw him look at her that way.

"Sure," he says. "That cat followed you all over town. But you kept losing him. Remember when I found him?"

Tifa's heart is rattling. "Of course, I remember," she says. "You - your mom made you bring him back. Why did you try to keep my cat, Cloud?"

Cloud looks away again and Tifa sees he is blushing hard. She is desperate to know what he is thinking. But he lifts his knee even higher as if it might shield his embarrassment from her.

All it compels her to do is lean in closer to him.

"Well?" she asks, turning her lips up into a smile, the first beat of happiness she's felt since they came back to this town.

Cloud is rubbing at the back of his neck and the gesture forces his armor to clink as he moves. It makes him seem boyish and young in a way that Tifa isn't used to, especially not after these last few weeks of watching his smoothness, on and off the battlefield. He almost seems flustered and she cannot believe that she is pulling his reaction from him.

"I… I guess it gave me an excuse to get to see you again," he says. "You know… we didn't really talk much those days…"

He slows down and stops, his cheeks even redder. Tifa's are burning too, and she backs away from his personal space, leaning back against the tower. Her heart has lifted impossibly high and it is all she can hear, slamming back and forth as it races. He's admitting to her that he wanted to be closer to her, even if he isn't being incredibly forthright about it.

For whatever reason, it's the sweetest thing she's ever heard.

"Cloud," she finally manages to breathe after another moment passes and she's processed what he's said. He is still looking slightly away, his skin flushed. "Are you telling me you used Maru to spend more time with me?"

Cloud looks at her finally. He shifts slightly, lowering his leg again.

"Why do you sound so surprised?"

It's Tifa's turn to blush, especially when she sees how bright and intense Cloud's eyes have grown under the moonlight. She shakes her head, not sure how to respond. She pours over all of the thoughts that have been bleeding through her since he came back to her in that slum, and she twirls her fingers together in her lap.

"I… I guess I just wasn't expecting you to say that," she tells him.

Cloud's smirk deepens but it isn't goading or smug. It's contemplative and a little impish, and Tifa feels her breath quicken when he leans forward and positions his arm slightly behind her.

"Why do you think I asked you out to the water tower in the first place?" he asks her. "What do you think any of that was about?"

Tifa blinks, his sudden forwardness catching her off guard. It is like he is wavering within himself, between a shyness that burns and a confidence that is smoother than ice. It is leaving her dizzy, between her own insecurities and the question marks that have been blazing inside of her since he came back into her life.

"I…"

"I always wanted to be closer to you," Cloud finally admits when Tifa hesitates for too long. "I… I'm sorry it took so long for me to try. I went about it the wrong way for a long time."

Tifa can't believe what she is hearing, but more stunning than his words is his proximity. His face is suddenly inches from hers, and Tifa blinks, unsure of what is happening here.

"I'm sorry," Cloud says again, backing away.

Tifa breathes out slowly. Even though the night is cool and misty, she is on fire. Since she and Cloud have joined each other's sides again as adults, they've shared a few intimate moments. But they have always been sporadic or unplanned or teetering on the cusp of a tragedy. Now, she realizes, they are sitting here at the place where she first fell in love with him, and maybe he might say the same.

But a rock of sadness slams her in the gut when she looks down at the town below. This isn't their village and this isn't their water tower, and she remembers that all her wishes have already been extinguished.

Somehow, she is crying again.

Cloud is attentive immediately, facing her completely this time, that arm that's behind her wrapping around her. His hand is on her shoulder and he's pulling her into him, and she doesn't dare fight him. She tips her head and brings her hands up to her eyes, hating herself for her weakness.

"Why are you crying again?" he asks, almost frantic. "Shit, I'm sorry, Tifa. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm such an idiot -"

Tifa's panic quadruples because she realizes he is blaming himself for opening up to her and that is not what is going wrong here. She shakes her head, sniffling as she rubs away at her eyes. "No, no… Cloud, it isn't that. It's just… That night meant so much to me, but now, it's gone. This water tower isn't ours. Nothing in this town is. They left us with nothing, not even that moment that was so special to me."

She wants to say more but she is disintegrating and her cries are turning to rasps, ugly sounds that shame her. Her vision is blurred by her tears, so much so that she doesn't even notice when Cloud leans in and he wraps his arms around her fully. She lets herself go when she feels him hold her, tight and safe and secure. He's held her like this once before, the circumstances similar but not the same, and even though her heart is broken and she has given up, she is desperate for his comfort.

"Tifa," Cloud is whispering into her hair. His armor is piercing her skin but she doesn't complain. His biceps are thick and warm and she can feel his heartbeat, soothing the earthquakes that rage in her soul. He rocks her back and forth slightly, almost guided by the wind, and he ducks his chin by her cheek and nuzzles her.

Gods, please, never let me go.

"It's okay," he continues when she remains too blunted to answer him. "I'm here. And they didn't take that moment away from us. Even if this tower isn't the same, we'll always have our promise, Tifa."

Her heart might have stopped and she may no longer be breathing, but it is hard for Tifa to tell. She wraps her arms around Cloud in response to his words, hugging him back. She's not sure what is happening between them but whatever it is, she doesn't ever want to lose this moment.

They hug for a long moment and then Cloud slowly lets go of her, pulling back but dragging his hands down her arms. She straightens her shoulders, and when he takes her by her wrists, their eyes meet again.

"Listen to me," Cloud says. "No matter what happens, Tifa, I will never break my promise to you. I'll always be there for you, and I'll always protect you. Not even Sephiroth can take that away."

Tifa sobs again, but this time the sound is broken by a laugh. She is giddy, her emotions exploding inside of her. Her cheeks scald and she stares at her boots, but Cloud is still looking at her and it only makes her feel even wilder inside.

"It was only supposed to be one time," she gibes, wiping at her eyes again.

Cloud is smirking at her once again, and he reaches up to find her cheek. His fingers thread into the hair that frames her face, gently brushing it to the side.

"Not for me," he says.

And then, he is kissing her.

Tifa is frozen. She watches when he leans in, and she is vaguely aware of what he is about to do - she isn't stupid. But she doesn't believe the universe would ever be that kind to her, and so when his lips press against hers, heated and softer than the clouds, she nearly faints. It is a good thing that he is still holding on to her with one hand because there is a very real possibility that she might fall right off of this tower.

Cloud is sweet and it only shatters Tifa into a million pieces when he nips lightly at her lips but keeps his kisses chaste. His hand cups her cheek, and she is suddenly eager to get her hands on him, too. They are both wearing their gloves and armor, and she curses this fact, but nonetheless, she brings her hands to his shoulders, one grabbing onto his bicep and the other wrapping around the back of his neck.

Their kiss goes on for a lifetime. Only once do their tongues brush against one another, and Tifa feels the spark singe her deep in her core. She's fantasized about Cloud plenty of times, but the feelings she has on her own are nothing like what she is experiencing right now, space ceasing to exist between them, hot flesh pressed together. His free hand is on her waist but he holds her lightly as if he is afraid to ask for too much or go too far.

She knows that she will give him anything.

Air becomes a necessity and they finally break apart, and the disappointment is staggering. Cloud's lips are shining and wet, parted blissfully as his eyes finally open and look back at her. Tifa feels faint as if she is sinking into a pool of absinthe. Her heart has never beat so fast and there will never be enough words to convey how she feels right now.

"Tifa…" Cloud whispers, looking down again and taking her hand in one of his, his cheeks bright again.

Tifa takes his hand in both of his, squeezing his palm Sadness and confusion may reign over their lives, but there is something pure and forgiving in their connection. It snaps the air between them like the radiant waves of electricity burning through the filaments of a mako bulb, and Tifa doesn't want to lose that feeling, ever.

No matter what happens.

"It's okay," she says, unsure what else to say. "That was… nice, Cloud."

He looks back up at her and he is wearing that enamored, smug expression again, and it kills all of the remaining storm clouds that have been living inside of her. She thinks she could live through the end of the world if he would just always look at her this way.

"You want to go somewhere we can get some privacy?" he asks her.

Nothing in the world could get her to say no.

Cloud's heart beats against his ribs like a horse's hooves, and the sound is so loud that he is certain that Tifa can hear it. She is walking with him at his side, not more than a couple of inches away from him, and even though he moments ago had his lips pressed to hers he is despairing with himself over whether it is okay to reach out and take her hand.

He isn't sure where they are going and he realizes part of his aimlessness as he leads her back through town is a result of his own shock at what is happening here. He kissed Tifa. Tifa Lockhart, the girl he's liked forever.

Like is definitely not a strong enough word for it.

There's a war happening inside of him, two halves of himself screaming at one another. He realizes that they are both just fighting over her and his feelings for her. It's baffling, but he doesn't care. He kissed Tifa and now he is taking her somewhere to spend more time with him and he'll be goddamned if that isn't the only thing that matters to him at the moment.

They pass the inn and Cloud glances at it but doesn't stop. It's small and they are all sharing a pair of rooms. There's no way he'll get any privacy with Tifa there. Tifa hesitates when they pass it, but she trusts him and continues to follow him. Sensing this, Cloud finally does reach out and take her hand.

They walk in silence for a little while longer when Cloud sees their old street come into view, his and Tifa's houses stacked side by side. Hers was always larger, but Cloud's never cared about that. All he's cared about is that the girl next door was always the prettiest and the sweetest and that he's wanted to be close to her for as long as he can remember. He's realizing that these feelings have been trapped inside of him and that every moment he's spent with her since he joined her in Midgar has pulled them out of him and now he is overflowing with them.

Tifa seems to slow when they approach their block, and Cloud inwardly understands her trepidation. But he isn't planning to bring her to their fictionalized homes. He bypasses them, leading Tifa toward the alleyway at the side of her house and deeper towards the woods that stand between the village and Mount Nibel.

"Cloud," Tifa queries when the grass grows tall around their ankles.

He crosses a few dozen feet behind her house, pushing branches and leaves to the side. He enters a thicket of cherry blossoms and tall orchids, some of the branches naked but others blooming with healthy buds and flowers.

Cloud finds a cherry blossom tree that stands alone when the grove opens up, and the sky is visible as the trees clear away. The candy-pink flowers sparkle in the starlight up above, and as Cloud turns Tifa to face him, he realizes that so do her eyes.

"Is this okay?" he asks her, pulling her in close as he leans against the tree.

Tifa looks around, the scarlet of her eyes bright in the moonlight. Glitter dances in her hair from the celestial ribbons above, iridescent colors that magnify the brilliant shine of her tresses. She nods, leaning against him as she admires the flowers all around them.

"I love it here," Tifa tells him. "I used to come here all the time."

Cloud knows this because he used to watch her all the time, but he's not about to tell her that now. He puts his arms around her, running his fingers through her hair. Tifa's hands come up to his chest, her palms resting flat just above his pectorals. She sighs softly and presses against him, seeking his warmth, and Cloud feels the softness of her breasts again in a way that seems different than all the other times they've been so close to one another.

She hums softly and the sound is so happy after all the weeping she's done tonight that he smiles.

"What are you thinking?" he asks her after moments pass and he isn't sure what to do next or how to move them forward.

He can hear Tifa's breathing, and the sound is so gentle and pure that it quiets the chainsaws in his mind. "Just… this place isn't fake. These flowers and trees are real, Cloud. Shinra can't fake what grows here. They can't take this away from us."

Cloud thinks he understands what Tifa is saying. He thinks about the flower he gave her and how she lit up when he handed it to her, how she cherished it until it went up in flames. He holds her for a moment, and then he reaches up and pulls a flower from the tree branch above. Carefully, he tucks it into her hair, just over her ear.

"They can't take anything from us, Tifa," he promises her.

Tifa looks up at him and they hold one another's gazes for a moment, but it is too much for Cloud and before he knows it, he is kissing her again. He holds her tight and close against his body, leaning both their weights into the tree behind him. But unlike moments before on top of the water tower that was an imitation of what lives in their memories, this kiss is unbridled. It is wild and free like the flowers that grow here, desperate to connect before its life is fleetingly snuffed away.

Tifa moans lightly when his tongue enters her mouth, and the sound melts his brain. Cloud loses the capacity to think clearly and relies on the instinctual pull of his own body, following the cues of hers. There's no backlog of experience of this sort in his rearview, but that doesn't matter to him. This is Tifa and he will do anything to get her to moan like that again.

His fingers tighten in her hair and his free hand slides up the svelte expanse of her back, gliding over her tank top and her suspenders. He presses her body closer to his with that hand, nearly crushing her to him as their lips fold over one another's and their tongues dance. Tifa searches his upper body with her hands, palming his triceps, squeezing his forearms, smoothing her hands over his chest. Her touch suddenly moving over him in a way that is no longer held back by fear or sadness erupts like lightning inside of him, and Cloud is shocked when he hears himself moan.

He can't help it though, and he wouldn't want to, anyway. Tifa is everything he's ever wanted, and having her in this way is as if the gods are blessing him right from their thrones in the heavens. When her body shifts and twists against his, her tits pressing so tightly into his chest that he can feel the stiffness of her nipples, Cloud can't stop the way he reacts.

He slides his knee between her thighs, lowering both of his hands to her hips. They are still kissing, but Tifa makes a bright sound when she feels his thigh press into the heat beneath her skirt. Cloud pulls down on her hips and raises his knee, grinding her against him as he drops his mouth to her throat.

"Cloud," Tifa whimpers, but he's working his tongue all across her skin as he rotates her hips over his leg. She falls into rhythm with him, and Cloud feels lava spill out of his spine at the way that Tifa's breathing grows heavy and desperate. He is cursing all of their layers of clothing but this is the best that they can do at the moment; he isn't about to strip her naked in the middle of the woods.

Her arms have come up to hook around his neck, and Tifa is whining, rocking into him even harder as she seeks the pressure and the friction he's trying to provide her with. He lowers his leg and tries not to grin too hard at the frustrated, kitten-like growl that she emits, instead helping her by lifting one of her legs and wrapping it tightly around his waist so that their centers are closely aligned.

"That better?" he asks her in a messy huff when he grinds his erection against her softness, feeling all of her heat through their layers. Tifa moans an affirmative sound, and Cloud bites into her throat before soothing the spot he's just attacked with a long lave of his tongue.

"Cloud, please," Tifa breathes, her hands clasping the back of his neck, her fingers in his hair. "Please, I've never done anything like this, and I don't know how to -"

"Do you want to stop?" Cloud puffs, worried now he's misread this situation.

"No!" Tifa cries, and she kisses him hard on the mouth, dragging his bottom lips between her teeth. He nearly explodes in his pants at the sensation. "Please, no… It's just… so good, and I need… please don't stop, I just want to…"

She trails off, but Cloud doesn't need her to continue. He can hear Tifa's pulse, can feel the rhythm of her life's blood as it flows through her veins. Her heartbeat is his and they might as well be sharing lungs, and as much as the mako inside of him heightens his awareness, he knows that he's so in tune with her because he's been in love with her since he first laid eyes on her.

"Don't worry," he reassures her, and he closes his eyes and kisses her, focusing his attention on the way they grind together. Tifa submits and lets him take control, and Cloud doesn't hold back, using the reserves of his strength to move her body over his. She moans louder and louder, and Cloud only encourages her cries with his kisses and his whispers, doing everything in his power to hold back his climax, feeling himself edge closer and closer as he leaks and moves Tifa's body over his. Everything feels too good and he is so close to her and she smells like rosewater and cherry blossoms, her lips tasting like cake. He loves her and however fucked up things might be, he has her and that's all that matters.

He's startled when Tifa pulls her mouth from his with a weepy cry, pulling on his hair as she arches her hips towards his, her leg tightening around his waist. She is trembling, and the sounds she makes pour like liquid velvet from her lips into his ears. Sensing her finally reaching the edge, Cloud breaks his concentration and pushes himself as far as he can go, rubbing her body against his until he breaks apart right against his own leg.

The stickiness he feels there is the last thing on his mind, his brain is so crowded and disheveled. He can see a million colors in front of his eyes, even though they are still shut. Tifa is still whimpering and holding him tight, now by the shoulders, and Cloud secures his hold on her. He leans his head against the tree, doing his best to re-establish normal patterns of breathing.

"Cloud," Tifa pulls him out of wherever he finds himself floating. "My legs."

Cloud opens his eyes and looks up and her, finding that she is leaning on him and that she is quivering, weak-kneed and boneless. He clears his discordant, pleasure-blazed thoughts and focuses on her again, putting steel back into his spine as he summons the last of the strength that he possesses. Carefully, he leverages his weight against the cherry blossom tree and slides down against it, lowering himself to sit at the base of its trunk while he carefully cradles Tifa between her knees.

"This better?" he asks her once he's settled her against his body and he's able to collect his breath. She curls up close to him, her head on his shoulder and her fingers pinching at his suspender.

"Yes," she replies. "Thank you, Cloud."

That makes him smile, because he's sure she's not just thanking him for helping her sit down.

"As soon as you're ready," he tells her softly, stroking his fingers through her hair again, "We can walk back to the inn together. I'm sure you'd rather sleep in a bed than up against a tree."

Tifa yawns. "Nope," she rejoins, snuggling even closer to him. "I'd rather stay out here… with the flowers and the stars."

Cloud nods, feeling his cheeks light up when she leans her chin forward to look at him.

"And you," she adds.

After that, Tifa wraps her arms around his waist and holds him while he holds her, too. She is asleep before he can come up with a proper response, but all he can think about is how those warring voices in his head have stopped arguing, and only one prevails.

Maybe things won't be so bad, after all.