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Chapter 28

Jess rolled over. Her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton. She lifted a lead hand to rub at her face and forced her eyes open, then winced at the sun coming in the window.

Adam's window. She blinked again. Still Adam's window. She was in Adam's bed. Jolting awake now, she looked around. Adam's side of the bed was empty. Relief had her sinking back against the soft pillow. She rubbed her face again and tried to figure out what had happened.

With a soft groan, she kicked back the blankets and made it as far as sitting on the edge of the bed. Adam's bed, she thought again. She was confused, groggy, disoriented, but the thought of seeing Adam pushed a feeling of panic to the front. She pushed to stand and the room spun. Jess reached out for the dresser to steady herself as the door to Adam's room opened.

"Easy there," came Adam's deep voice. His hands caught her, steadying her before she stumbled over.

His hands on her was too much, Jess' heart squeezed painfully. She jerked away from him. "Adam, don't," she started. "I don't know why I'm here, but I remember what happened with you. What Jay told me."

Adam let out a sigh. "I know," he said. He leaned his head closer to her, his voice quiet. "But Jay was—"

"She's awake?" Will's voice interrupted them and Jess quickly took a step back from Adam. She held his eyes for a minute before it was too much and she looked away.

"What are you doing here?" she asked Will, thankful for the distraction from Adam. Adam's presence was too strong, she knew she wasn't strong enough to resist the pull toward him.

"You don't remember?" Will asked.

Jess shook her head, trying to remember. "I was out for drinks with 51 and then…" her voice trailed off as she remembered. She pressed her lips together, the familiar shame coming over her in a wave.

"Yeah, 'and then'," Will said without censure. "Natalie and Mouse called us."

"Right," Jess whispered, remembering Mouse following her toward the bathroom, yelling for Natalie. Everyone from 51 had already left, they wouldn't know. Jess looked to Will in alarm. "Jay?"

"He doesn't know," Will said.

Jess closed her eyes and sighed in relief.

"You're going to a meeting this morning," Will said. "I can take you, I traded shifts. I have the day free."

"I can take her," Adam spoke up.

Jess tensed at the sound of his voice. Just the sound of his voice had her heart bleeding again. "No," she said shortly.

"Jess, we need to talk. You need to know—"

"Let's go," Jess said to Will, ignoring Adam. If she looked at him, she would lean in toward him, let him put a hand on her arm, lean toward him and let him stroke her cheek, brush her hair back and then—

"Now," she said sharply. "Let's go, Will." She strode out of Adam's room and through the familiar apartment. Her shoes had been dropped by the door and she slipped them on. Will picked up her bag.

"Natalie dropped my car off last night," Will said. "It should be out front."

Jess nodded and without another look to Adam, she grabbed her purse and left the apartment, the door slamming on him.

#

The slamming door echoed through the apartment. Will looked to Adam. "Something I should know?" he asked.

Adam ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "Jay," he said succinctly. "He got to her. Got her doubting me."

Will nodded, not showing any surprise.

"I just need to get Jess to listen to me, let me tell her Jay was wrong. I just—" Adam cut himself off. He scrubbed a hand over his face and let out a deep sigh. "But not now. Jess needs to get her feet under her. It can wait." He stepped over and opened the door for Will.

Will took a step into the hallway and paused. He looked back at Adam. "For what it's worth, I think you've been good for Jess. I'm pulling for you."

Adam gave him a grimace. "Thanks man." He closed the door.

Will strode down the hall to the elevators. Jay. His brother was lucky he wasn't there or he would throttle him. Will punched the elevator button to take him downstairs. By the time the doors opened, he had himself back under control. Enough to get Jess to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and focus on her. Jay would have to wait.

Jess was standing outside his car, hands shoved down in her pockets. Will unlocked the car and held her door open for her. She slid into the car silently. She didn't speak when Will started the car.

"Do you want to stop and get some food before we find a meeting?" Will asked.

Jess shook her head, staring unseeing out the window.

Will didn't push for conversation. He glanced down at his phone at the list of meeting times and locations he had looked up. "Do you want to go to one over on 57th?" he asked. "At Bethlehem Lutheran?"

"Fine," Jess said without turning to him.

The silence held until he pulled into the church lot. Putting his car in park and turning the ignition off, Will didn't move to get out. "Jess," he started.

Jess just shook her head. Will could see her throat move as she swallowed hard. She was fighting for control. He didn't push.

Inside the church, they followed the signs to the meeting room. Jess kept her hands in her pockets, head down. When they reached the double doors that would lead into the meeting, Will held Jess up.

"Jess," he tried again. "What are you thinking?"

Her blue eyes met his and the grief there was overwhelming. "That I messed everything up," she said hoarsely. "I screwed up again and Jay is going to be furious. I…" her voice cracked and she fought for control. "I let you down."

She turned abruptly, but Will lightly caught her arm to stop her. "No," he said, shaking his head.

Jess risked a look at him.

"You didn't," he said. "You didn't let me down. You slipped up. I pushed you too hard when I saw you at work. I shouldn't have. I should have told you what I really saw. A competent medic. A really good medic. I was proud of you, Jess. You're really good at your job. And that's what I should have focused on." He waited until she looked at him again. "And you're here. You're fighting, you're not giving up. As long as you're doing that, you're not going to let me down."

Jess' lips trembled as she took in what Will was saying to her. Then she launched herself into his arms. Will took a step back to catch their balance and wrapped his arms around his little sister. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You're going to be ok, kiddo. You're too strong to lose."

"Thanks Will," Jess' words were muffled against his coat. She pulled back, wiping at her eyes with her palms.

"Jess, about Adam," Will started.

Jess shook her head quickly, a panicked look in her eyes. "I can't—I can't talk about—it's too much—I don't—"

"Ok, ok." Will backed off. "We won't talk about that right now."

A sigh of relief escaped Jess.

"Let's get in there before all the watered down coffee and stale cookies are gone," Will said. He slung his arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze and walking her into the meeting, determined to do what he had to do to get his sister whole again.

#