I had a phone call. It was my mother and she was frantic.

"Stephanie! I don't know what to do. It's Grandma – she just – she's fine, but I don't know – she bought a car, Stephanie! What do I do?"

"She – you know what, I'm just going to drive over okay, Ma? Be there soon."

I had no idea what was going on, but my mother sounded like she needed someone there before she ran out of ironing and starting hitting the whiskey.

When I was halfway there, my phone rang again.

"Don't bother coming around, I'm at my dealer's house," Grandma said.

"Your dealer?"

"Yes, my car dealer," Grandma said. A car dealer. That sounded better. I got the address from her and decided to meet her there. I pulled up outside the house. There were old people everywhere, so I headed in to find Grandma.

I found Grandma inside on a couch watching Star Trek.

"Stephanie!" she said when she saw me. "Do you want to see my new car? It's a total babe car."

"Stephanie! Whoa! This is your Grandma?" said the person next to car. I looked closely.

"Mooner!" Mooner and I had gone to school together. His real name is Walter Dunphy, but he was nicknamed Mooner due his space cadet nature. Mooner did a lot of drugs and wasn't always present. It didn't look like much had changed for Mooner over the years.

"Grandma, why don't you tell me more about this car?" I asked her.

"Well I was here at my Dealer's house, getting Metamucil on account of he's being shut down because this isn't like the old days and you can't sell things that have fallen off the back of a truck anymore, and I needed a way to get it all home, so I mentioned that to Mooner here, and he said that the Dealer had a car he needed to get rid of too. It's a red Corvette," Grandma told me.

"Is he a real car dealer?" I asked Grandma.

"Dude! He's THE Dealer," Mooner told me. "It's real harsh that he's being shut down. He's a real entrepreneur." Mooner looked thoughtful. "Also you totally know him. It's Dougie Kruper!"

"Dougie? I thought he died?"

"I know!" Mooner said, "Everyone thought that! But he's not!"

"I didn't die, I just moved to Arizona and wished that I had," said a voice behind us.

"Dougie!" I was so relieved that he wasn't dead that I jumped up and hugged him. He blushed.

"Do you want to see your Grandma's car?" he asked me. Dougie paused Star Trek and we walked outside to see the car, past seniors taking Metamucil boxes and the occasional person wandering past with a toaster, pair of jeans, or perfume in hand. Dougie looked a bit dazed by it all.

Grandma's car was a red Corvette. It looked fast. There was Metamucil boxes stacked inside.

"Have you done all the paperwork?" I asked Grandma.

"Paperwork?" she asked me.

"This car, ah, doesn't come with paperwork," Dougie said, shuffling his feet. "That's why it's such a good price."

Shit.

"What about the Buick?" I asked Grandma. "You already have a car."

"It's an old man's car. I need a babe car. The Buick isn't going to find me any hotties," Grandma said.

"Do you have a license still?" I asked Grandma.

"I don't need a license, I'm too old," Grandma said.

"I don't think that's how it works," I told her.

I could see why my mother rang me. I had no idea what to do with Grandma either.

"Could you go get your license?" I asked her. "You could get your permit, then you just need a licensed driver to go with you."

"Rose Taylor still has her license," Grandma said thoughtfully. "Maybe she can go driving with me."

"Good idea!" I said. "I just need to talk to Dougie inside for a minute, okay? Wait right here."

I went inside with Dougie to hatch a plan to keep Grandma from driving the car. I was sure that we could come up with something between us that would seem reasonable to Grandma and not make her feel like a useless old woman, but keep her safe on the road.

Dougie and I had just sat down in his kitchen when I heard a car start up from the backyard. I ran back outside, but the Corvette and Grandma were gone. Mooner was looking distracted, staring at a crack on the ground.

"Where's Grandma?" I asked him.

"Oh! She like, got in the car and drove off," Mooner said.

Shit. Shit! Now I knew how my mother felt.

I drove to my parents' house. Grandma wasn't there. I didn't want to go in. There'd be too many questions. I drove around, trying to find Grandma. I got a phone call from my cousin who worked at the DMV. The Burg network wins again. Grandma had been there applying for a permit, and had driven off on her own. Sarah was worried about her. I told her that I'd make sure that Grandma understood her permits worked. I drove back to my parents' house and saw a red Corvette parked outside. I drove off. Grandma was home safe, and I'd ring when I was safely back home and mom had a few hours to calm down.

Home was better. Home was quiet. Home contained quiche, and salad, and no Plum madness.

I didn't know what to do about Grandma driving around without a license. Could you even own a car without a license? Not that this car came with ownership papers anyway. I rang Dickie, but he didn't answer. I left a message asking him to call me back. I tried to focus on working, but worried about Grandma instead. Dickie had said he'd be in the office all day, so I decided to drive over and talk to him. He usually had a few minutes in between meetings when he could talk.

There was someone at Dickie's reception area, talking to Cynthia. He looked familiar, and when I got a closer look at his profile, I was sure it was Ranger. He had short hair, and was dressed in business clothes instead of his usual black getup, but I was sure it was him. Cynthia looked annoyed, but not in danger in any way. "I don't know anything," I heard her say. "I just want my car back."

I stepped back out into the hallway to wait. I didn't have to wait long before I heard footsteps coming.

"Ranger," I said quietly as he walked past. He looked at me and I could see a flare of recognition in his eyes. He continued past me into the stairwell and I darted after him before the door closed. He turned to look at me.

"You were with Morelli at the funeral home," he said.

"My name is Stephanie Plum. I'm Dickie Orr's wife," I told him. He went to keep walking. "Wait! I talked to Morelli yesterday. He's worried about you. Can you call him?"

"Morelli's a cop."

"He's your friend."

"Morelli must be a bit short on friends if he thinks we're friends," Ranger said. I kind of agreed with him. Morelli had befriended me and I'd run him down with a car.

"Vinnie is sending Joyce after you," I warned him. He laughed.

"Thanks for the warning."

"Don't let her catch you. I hate Joyce."

"I have no intentions of being caught, babe."

"Call Morelli, okay? He wants to help."

"Maybe I'll call him tomorrow."

"I think it would be a good life decision for you to call him."

"Your husband is working for an arms dealer. You might want to be making better life decisions at this point," Ranger said.

"I heard you're working for an arms dealer," I said to him. The Burg gossip vine was full of news about the Ramos family lately.

"I didn't claim to be making good life decisions," he said, looking me over. He looked like he was going to move closer, than shifted off the wall and disappeared down the stairwell.

Wait a minute, my husband was working for an arms dealer?

I went to open the door back to the office floor, but it didn't budge. Rats, locked out. Now I've got to walk down the stairs, and there was no chance I'd be able to catch up with Ranger. I trudged down the stairs, out the fire exit door, then back up in the lift to Dickie's office.

I walked in and smiled at Cynthia. "Hello, I was just nearby and decided to surprise Dickie. Is he in at the moment?"

"Sorry Ms Plum, Mr Orr is out in meetings all day and can't be disturbed," Cynthia said. "An emergency came up this morning that he needed to handle."

I thanked Cynthia, knowing that was all the information I was going to get from her (Cynthia hated small talk, gossip, and maybe also me). I walked out of the office, back to my car, and decided to go to my source of all official information and called Morelli.

"I saw Ranger," I told him when he answered, "he was in at Dickie's office talking to Cynthia, his receptionist. I told him to call you but I don't think that he will."

"Cynthia was dating Homer Ramos. He probably thought she had some information that he could use. Thanks for calling me, but Ranger will be long gone by now."

"He said that Dickie was working for an arms dealer. Does he mean Alexander Ramos?" I asked Morelli. He paused.

"You didn't know?"

"No! Of course I didn't know!"

"Geez. Okay. I thought you knew. I thought that everyone knew."

"I couldn't find Dickie. He's not answering his phone."

"Maybe he's with Ramos. He has a house in Deal," Morelli told me. Interesting. I hung up on Morelli, and then googled. How easy would it be to find the Ramos house in Deal? Google knew everything. Except why my husband thought it was a good idea to work for an arms dealer.

I started driving. An hour later I was driving slowly past a house by the beach that Google thought belonged to Ramos. I pulled over and opened my door, thinking about getting out of the car. Then I stopped. What was I doing? Stalking an arms dealer's house. Even if I found Dickie there, what would I do? March in and demand to see him? This wasn't a good plan.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice the old man until he was right beside the car. He quickly opened the passenger door and jumped in.

"Get going!" he yelled at me. I shut my door and stared across at him. Alexander Ramos! What had I gotten myself into? This was all Dickie's fault! Ramos gestured at me again and I put the car into drive and took off. Too late, I noticed men racing up his drive. I needed to get rid of Ramos before they found us. I hoped that they hadn't had a chance to get my license plate number.

My phone rang. I didn't recognise the number, but decided to answer anyway. I had an arms dealer in my car, so what was answering an unknown number.

"What do you think you're doing?"

The voice sounded familiar. Ranger.

"I'm trying to find my stupid husband," I said.

"You have Alexander Ramos in your car."

"How did you get this number?" I asked him.

"I have my sources," he told me. He sounded smug.

"Let me know if you find my husband," I told him, and hung up.

Stupid Ranger. Who did he think he was, Batman? Where the hell was he anyway, I hadn't spotted anyone watching but he was obviously out there somewhere. I was going to tell Morelli on him.

"You can't find your husband? What a bum. He's probably out cheating on you, but he'd have to be a stupid man to cheat on a beauty like yourself. Would you like to marry me? I need a new wife," Ramos told me.

"It's a tempting offer, you have a nice house," I told Ramos.

"And I wouldn't cheat on you. I'm too old for that now," Ramos told me.

"My husband isn't cheating on me, I'm just having trouble finding him," I told Ramos. "Also I'm a little mad at the moment, so maybe it's better that I can't find him. Maybe I should just go home and calm down."

"Drive me to a bar and I'll buy you a drink," Ramos said.

"I can't drink, I'm driving."

"You're no fun. Maybe I don't want you as a wife after all," he grumbled. I drove him to the bar he directed me to, then dropped him off out the front. Bye bye, arms dealer. Have fun. As I drove out, I saw a black car heading in my direction, with two men instead. Looks like I'd made my escape just in time.

My phone rang and I recognised the number this time. Morelli. I was so going to tell on Ranger. I hadn't been this eager to tattle since Joyce Barnhardt spat in my milk.

"Hello."

"Is he still in your car?"

"Who?"

"Ramos! Is he with you? Are you okay? Do you need help?" Morelli asked me.

"Omigosh! He tattled on me! Ranger tattled on me!" I said.

"Steph! Are you okay?" Morelli asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I dropped Ramos off at a bar after he proposed marriage, then reneged."

"What were you doing?" Morelli yelled.

"Looking for Dickie! Why are you surprised, you were the one who said he was probably out in Deal!" I pointed out to Morelli.

"I didn't think you'd go looking for him! Jesus! My stress levels."

"I didn't do it on purpose! He just jumped into the car!" I protested.

Morelli was sounding more like my mother every day. I made a note to stop inviting him over for dinner, she was obviously a bad influence on him.