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Chapter 42

Adam watched Jess.

She had shrugged off any offer of help and was painfully making her way up the steps to the porch of her dad's house. Adam stayed close, ready to help.

As soon as Jess got her keys out, Jay took them from her and opened the door. Jess started for the stairs to her room and Adam thought he was going to have a stroke with the effort it took to remain calm as she insisted on doing everything herself, and taking the most difficult option.

"Let's get you settled on the couch," Adam suggested, trying to gently steer her toward the living room.

Jess stubbornly shook her head. "I can make it to my room."

As she started toward the steep stairs, pain evident in her limp, Adam bit back a sound of frustration and rubbed his hands over his face. Jess had insisted he bring her home, rather than go to his place. She had also refused to go to Jay's.

Jay frowned, but didn't argue, staying alongside Jess as she slowly made her way upstairs. He glanced back at Adam and exchanged a look with him.

Well, at least Adam had the comfort of knowing he wasn't the only one Jess was driving insane right now.

Jess made it upstairs and started toward her dresser.

"Just sit down and I'll get you what you need," Jay said, his voice tight with barely controlled worry and frustration.

It worried Adam just as much that she finally listened, easing down onto the edge of her bed.

"I'll go get an ice pack," Adam said. Will had said Jess should ice her leg. The bruise was more than superficial, she had to be feeling it all the way down to the bone.

Adam jogged down the stairs and went to open the freezer. He didn't see the contents of the freezer. Instead his mind forced forward the image of Jess standing there defenseless while some kid pointed a gun at her. If Atwater hadn't been fast enough, if the kid had better aim, or a quicker trigger finger…

Adam fought for control. If he had lost Jess, if anything had happened to her…

"You ok, man?"

Jay's voice broke through. Adam sucked in a ragged breath and raked a hand through his hair.

"That was too close today," he said, his voice as uneven and rough as his breathing. "That was too damn close." He slammed the freezer door shut and pounded a fist against it.

"I know," Jay said.

Adam paced across the room, kicking at a chair in his way. It clattered against the kitchen table. "I should have gotten over there sooner. She wasn't answering her phone and I knew something wasn't right." His words carried through the kitchen, amplified by another fist to the wall.

"Hey," Jay stopped him before he could turn to kick another chair. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault except for those punks who did this."

Jay's words didn't do much to calm Adam.

"Ruzek, listen," Jay said, his tone getting sharper. "I know how you're feeling. But you need to step back. This whole thing has been intense and you need to go home and take a breath."

Adam started to shake his head, but Jay's lips thinned into a firm line. "I mean it. Jess is changing out of her uniform, she's already half asleep. Our old man will be home soon and, trust me, you do not want to deal with his lack of response to this in the state you're in."

"I'm not leaving," Adam started, but Jay stopped him.

"You getting into it with our dad is the last thing Jess needs. It's going to be a miracle if I don't get into it with him. For Jess' sake, go home, get some food and get some sleep."

Adam started to shake his head, but then the wisdom of Jay's words started to sink in. Reluctantly he nodded. "I'm going to see her before I go."

He went to the freezer and found a frozen bag of peas in lieu of an actual ice pack, then made his way back upstairs. Jess was curled up on her side, changed into an army sweatshirt and fleece pants, a heavy blanket pulled over her haphazardly.

Adam sank down next to the bed and her eyes blinked open.

"How are you doing?" he asked quietly.

Jess' lips twitched in what he guessed was supposed to be a reassuring smile. "I'm ok, Adam. You should go home and get some rest yourself. I'm ok."

He doubted that, but he also knew her well enough to know how important her pride was to her.

"Jay's going to stay with you and I'll be back first thing in the morning."

Jess nodded, her eyes already drifting closed again.

Adam brushed her hair back from her forehead and pressed a kiss there. Setting the makeshift ice pack on her leg, he stood.

Jay was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. Adam zipped his jacket and opened the door.

"Hey, Ruzek," Jay stopped him.

Adam turned.

"I know I wasn't a fan of you and my sister," he said. He held Adam's eyes without wavering. "But I'm glad she has you. You're good for her." He held out a hand and Adam took it for what it was. An apology, an admission of how wrong Jay had been, and a welcome to the family.

Adam gripped Jay's hand firmly. "I'm not going to let her down."

"I know." Jay stepped back, sticking his hands into his pocket. "I'll call you if anything changes with her tonight. But Will thinks she should be good in a day or two."

Adam nodded then headed outside. The sun had set while they were inside. In the amber glow of the streetlights, a few snowflakes circled, making the working class neighborhood look more charmed than it really was.

Adam pulled out his phone and texted Atwater. He needed a drink and a friend after today.

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Jay laid back on the couch, flipping through the channels until he came to the Blackhawks game. He turned the volume low so he could hear if Jess called for anything. He knew she wouldn't. What he really was listening for was the sound of her trying to get up and hobble around.

The front door opened before the first face off.

Jay didn't look toward his dad. He waited for Pat to hang up his heavy jacket and settled into his chair with a familiar creak of the springs.

"You here for the game?" Pat asked.

Jay took a breath, asking for patience. "Jess was hurt at work today."

He felt, rather than saw, Pat pause. "She ok?" he asked.

"She's banged up. Had to fight her way out of a hostage situation. Her partner was shot," Jay's voice rose in spite of himself. He wanted his dad to get upset, to show some concern for Jess.

Pat cleared his throat. "Where is she?"

"Upstairs." Jay waited to see if his father was going to go see Jess.

Pat reached over to the small table next to his chair and picked up his newspaper. He unfolded it and Jay couldn't see his face anymore. The paper crinkled as Pat held it, his knuckles white.

"CFD never should have started hiring women." Pat's voice was strained. "Fool move to put two women on an ambulance together." His voice cracked, but he didn't lower the paper.

Jay blew out a breath of frustration. He rolled off the couch and went upstairs. He heard movement in Jess' room and knocked lightly on the doorframe.

Jess didn't answer, so he pushed open the door. "Jess?"

His sister was sitting on the edge of her bed, head in her hands.

"Are you hurting?" he asked. "Will said you could have some ibuprofen." He didn't mention that Will had said she probably needed something stronger, but with her history of abuse, he wasn't prescribing it.

"What am I doing?" Jess asked, her words muffled by her hands.

Jay went to her side. When she still didn't look up, he sat down next to her on the bed.

Jess finally looked at him. He had expected to see tears, but her eyes were hollow. "Am I wrong to marry Adam?" she asked.

"What?" After the way Jess had fought him every step of the way to be with Adam, it was the last thing he expected.

"I don't know if I should marry him," she said.

Jay hesitated. He had to tread lightly. "Why are you doubting this? Is this cold feet?"

Jess held out a hand to Jay. It was shaking. "I want to use. I want to go out and get high and not think about what happened today."

It made sense then. "You think you shouldn't marry Ruzek because you have a history? Because you struggle sometimes?"

Jess nodded, then shook her head, then started to nod again before closing her eyes. "I don't know. I'm just…everything's so confusing right now."

Jay reached for a pair of sneakers, kicked off in the corner. "Come on," he said.

Jess looked at him, her face tight with the hard fight for control.

"We're going to find a meeting." Jay found a jacket in the pile of clothes near her closet and helped her into it.

Relief spread across Jess' face. Jay kept an arm around her as he got her downstairs and out to his truck. His sister wasn't going to go under again. Not when she had him and Will, Sylvie and Mouse, and Ruzek to lean on.

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