Dear all, as I write this opening note, reviews are down on Fanfiction dot net. Please don't let that discourage you from responding because I get the email notifications, and the new reviews will show up eventually. We're six reviews away from 300! Also, welcome new readers and thanks so much for your input.
The story continues, a short filler-ish chapter this time to set the stage for the inevitable confrontation.

...

19. Questions

Gene's sour mood hasn't gone unnoticed by his family. Nor has Olivia's absence. Frank has told him it's his own mess that he will need to clean up himself. The others have tried talking to him but he's shut them all down; even his father. Frank's right. It's his mess and he will just have to deal with that. And with the guilt, now that he knows Olivia has feelings for him. Frank told him after his own confession that he's falling for Olivia that she may be having the same problem. And that is why she's left. He can't imagine how she must be feeling, thinking he doesn't care about her at all. And that couldn't be further from the truth.

Still, even if she hadn't had any feelings for him, he'd been an absolute dick.

And yet, he can't help thinking … if they both have feelings for each other, they should be able to sort things out easily, right? But he knows like no other how scary that is for people like them. They're both afraid of getting hurt, and he knows he's already hurt her deeply. He is deeply ashamed of his behavior now. He should have started listening to his heart sooner. If there's one woman worth taking a risk for, it's Olivia Benson. He shakes his head at himself, sitting by the pool, slouched in a chair and not really noticing anyone around him. He really is in deep. He knows his first instinct is to run for the hills but now that he knows how deeply he's hurt Olivia, he can't turn away. It's not just about him anymore and she deserves better. If not for himself, he has to do something for her.

Gene wonders if Olivia's gotten his messages; if she's bothered to listen to them and read them at all. He had almost broken down when he'd seen her dress laid out on his bed, the jewelry he had given her on top of it. She should have kept them, he thinks. They were a gift and they are perfect for her. What he wouldn't give to have her here again, in that dress. To see her chatting and smiling like she had last night, before he'd fucked everything up. He knows he doesn't just long for her body anymore; maybe it has been more for a lot longer than he's willing to admit, even to himself. He wants to see her smile again because he wants her to be happy. And of course, he'd want front row seats to witness that happiness and be a part of it himself. But even if she can't forgive him, he still has to make things right somehow; he just doesn't know where to start. She hasn't answered his calls or texts at all. He doesn't blame her but it's frustrating.

When his mother steps on the stage and announces their traditional Sunday afternoon bingo, Gene decides to leave the party altogether. He isn't having fun anymore and he doesn't want to spoil things for anyone else. Up in his room, he is confronted with the black dress again. He lays down on his bed for a while, fully clothed and on top of the covers, and wakes up a while later. He must have dozed off without meaning to, but at least he's gotten a little bit of rest after his sleepless night. He then makes a decision and places a few calls. He has to do something.

He is overwhelmed with disappointment when the package is returned to him that same night. There isn't even a note attached, she had simply asked the delivery man to take it straight back to him.

"The lady said you wouldn't mind paying for my extra trip back," the delivery man says.

Gene had already paid a lot extra for this express delivery on a Sunday but he doesn't care about the costs. He can see that the delivery man is nervous and he forces a smile. The older man knows he's caught in the middle of something and Gene gives him a generous tip, despite the fact that the entire endeavor had been for nothing. He then carries the box back up to his room.

He can tell that she's opened the package before refusing his gift once again. She's even seen his note, because it had been on top of the dress, and it's now tucked away in the jewelry box. She must have been curious but it was just the wrong gift. He should have known she wouldn't care about expensive stuff. She's not that kind of woman. It had made it all the more rewarding to see her accepting the gifts, at least to wear for the night. But now she doesn't want them anymore.

He wonders if the words in his note mean anything to her. He sits down hard on his bed and unfolds the small note, written on the family stationary.

"Dearest Olivia, I never meant to hurt you. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but will you let me try to earn it anyway? Love, Gene."

His own heart beats fast as he rereads the words. That one little word is the closest he's ever come to admitting his feelings for anyone since Barbara. It makes him nervous even now, seeing it on the paper Olivia has sent back to him. She probably doesn't realize the weight of that one word. Love. He knows he needs to tell her more, to be clearer but the truth is, he is still scared. Gifts mean nothing to her, and he should have known that. If he's really serious about her, he will have to show her his heart.

He lets himself fall back on the bed and sighs, frustrated with himself. He needs to get a few things straight for himself first. He has to decide if he's willing to commit to one woman from now on, just like his father. Would he really be able to forego all others for her? He's always prided himself in being completely unattached, able to give himself completely in the moment and then moving on, his heart still intact and his own. He has explained this to Olivia as well and she knows how he rides. Is he really ready to give that up, for her? Olivia deserves an answer to that question and he has to be ready to answer it, no matter how long it takes for her to ask it. And even then, it will remain to be seen if she'll believe him.

...

Olivia groans when her alarm wakes her up at 6 am on Monday morning. She still feels like shit after another night of too little sleep. Walking through her squeaky clean apartment puts a small smile on her lips despite everything. Boy, she's really let a man get to her this time. She even has food in the house. Not that she feels like eating anything, but she knows she should. The guys will be staring at her today regardless but if she passes out on the job, she'll be smothered with concern she doesn't want. She just wants to get on with her life now that her little princess fairy tale has come crashing down. This weekend was all to good to be true anyway. Figures that it would be ruined before it was even halfway over. Cinderella needs to get back to work now.

Gene will be moving on soon enough. He may be sulking now because he's probably not used to being turned down, but he'll be fine. He's always just one phone call away from having sex with a beautiful woman. She knew this going in and she hates herself for allowing herself to start caring for the man anyway.

Elliot is already sitting at his desk when she comes in a little after seven. Olivia takes a deep breath before marching to her own desk as if it's perfectly normal that she's back already. She can feel her partner's eyes on her even before she sits down. She powers up her computer and reads a note that someone left on her desk for her, before finally meeting his eyes. They're full of concern, as expected, and she swallows hard. Maybe she shouldn't have come in today. But then again, she was going bonkers alone in her apartment. She can see the apology in Elliot's eyes even before he speaks.

"I'm so sorry Liv."

She nods and looks down at the slip of paper in her hand, pretending it's extremely interesting. Elliot only needs one look at her to know that it's over with Mr. Red Rose.

"Nothing is forever, right?" she says, trying for a casual tone but hearing the bitterness in her own voice.

"What happened?"

His voice is soft and kind but she can't do this right now. She shakes her head without looking at him, swallowing again to will the sudden thickness in her throat away. Elliot looks around but it's just the two of them for now in the squad room and Cragen's door is closed.

"Can I get you a cup of coffee?" he offers, already getting up. "We'll walk together."

Olivia purses her lips and then stands up as well. Maybe she'll be able to relax after she's given her partner a summary of the demise of her affair.

They walk to the coffee stand down the street in silence and Olivia thanks Elliot when he hands her a cup of her favorite coffee. She sips it and looks at all the people going about their business while Elliot waits for his own coffee and pays the vendor. When Elliot stands next to her, she sighs and looks up at him. But she doesn't know what to tell him. How can she explain to him what she had with Gene? It should have been just sex but looking back, it's been more for her for a long time. Even if Gene made a dick move back at the estate, she still has only herself to blame for her breaking heart. The man was never hers to fall in love with in the first place.

"It's complicated," she says quietly, answering Elliot's unasked question.

When Elliot moves closer to her and wraps an arm around her shoulders, she sinks into him automatically. Her partner is still the only man she truly trusts and she needs a little comfort. Elliot wraps his other arm around her as well, balancing his coffee in his hand behind her back and Olivia does the same. It feels nice to be held and when Elliot caresses her back she feels herself relax a little. And then she realizes that comfort is all she is feeling. The electricity that's been crackling between her and Elliot for quite some time, isn't there now. His embrace feels almost fatherly to her and it moves her because she's never had a father. She buries her face a little deeper in Elliot's jacket and hopes he won't see the beginnings of tears in her eyes.

It's even worse than she thought. Where other men have never been able to help her let go of her partner completely, she now finds herself only wanting Gene anymore. Elliot is still her best friend and she feels safe with him. She hopes that's something that will never change. But she doesn't long for him anymore in a different way. It's Gene's voice now that's on a loop inside her head, and his little note, attached to that stupid dress, that has kept her up all night.

Love, Gene.

Her shoulders shake and she realizes that she's started to cry. She isn't bawling her eyes out but hiccups as she tries not to sob.

"I hate this guy for hurting you, Liv," Elliot tells her softly, rubbing his cheek against the top of her head. "I've never seen you like this over a man."

"I know," she whispers, hating how vulnerable she sounds.

"There's no way to fix it?"

Olivia is utterly surprised at the hope in Elliot's voice and looks up at him. He can see her tears now but she doesn't care anymore.

"I thought you'd want to finally beat him up now," she says, forcing a tiny smile.

Elliot grins down at her.

"I may still do that, once I find out what he's done to make you this way. But it seems to me that this was the real deal for you, and that's new."

Her chin trembles again and it's all the confirmation Elliot needs that this thing was, indeed, different from all the others. She relaxes in his hold again, resting her head against Elliot's chest and allowing his steady heartbeat to calm her. After a few minutes they break apart and finish their coffee in companionable silence. Olivia thinks about her partner's words and wonders if maybe she should give Gene a chance to explain himself. But why would she subject herself to that, knowing he doesn't feel the same way she does and knowing that she will never be enough to satisfy his sexual appetite? She needs to find a way to get him out of her system because there is no way he can ever be what she's looking for in a man.

As the two Detectives walk back to the precinct to start their day once again, Olivia glances at her partner. Whatever Gene has done to her, at least she's finally gotten Elliot out of her system. She just wonders if she's better off now or not.

...

To be continued.