Chapter 4.1
Becoming Winchester
The First Fight
Timeline- 12-year-old Adam has been with his new family about three months.
Adam had been alone with Sam for nearly a week now. Dad and Dean had set off to a town several hours away to "gank some baddies" as Dean said. The week with Sam hadn't been too bad. Things were still awkward between them at times, but Adam always found his time with Sam to be much easier than time spent with Dean. Although he couldn't quite understand the irritation Dean had for him, Adam was happy enough to try stay out of his oldest brother's way.
Sam was different though. He didn't ignore Adam like Dad did most of the time or give him smart assed answers to his questions like Dean did. Sam seemed to genuinely care about Adam and tried to understand him. Just one reason he never minded being left alone with Sam. It also didn't hurt that with Dean gone, Sam only required Adam do the bare minimum of physical training their father demanded, sometimes skipping it all together. For the most part Adam didn't mind all the combat and weapons training that Dad and Dean were trying to instill in him, but he was more than happy to take a break and watch tv sometimes like the normal kid he had once been.
Adam was lying on the motel bed idly flipping through the pages of a book on supernatural lore that Sam had given him to study. Although he was supposed to be reading the book so Sam could quiz him later, Adam was really just looking at the pictures. Some of these old books had the coolest and creepiest artwork in them.
He looked up from the book when he heard the lock of the motel room click open and felt his heart leap into his chest. He sat up quickly on the bed, excited and nervous for his father and brother's return. Part of him felt a weight lifted just knowing they had returned, but another part, the part that was growing in awareness of the evil in the world, was terrified of the state they might be in when they came home.
The door opened quickly and Adam looked up to see his father and brother standing in the doorframe looking tired, but otherwise no worse for the wear. Adam felt himself relax and felt the tightness in his throat release, letting him get a breath of air he didn't realized he needed.
"How was it?" he asked quickly, watching as his Dad tossed his duffle on the floor next to the bed where Adam was sitting.
"Good." Dad responded calmly.
"Yeah," Dean continued, "We ganked the two werewolves who were making Spring Hill into their personal lunch box," he said, tossing his own duffle down near Dad's and peeling off his coat.
"You boys been ok?" Dad asked Adam, glancing over at Sam who hadn't looked up from where he was typing away on his computer.
"Yeah," Adam confirmed, "Just school and studying."
"And training?" John questioned, a slight warning in his voice.
"Yeah of course." Adam replied hastily.
Dean snorted at Adam's response and came to sit on the bed beside him, shoving Adam over a little to make room. Adam frowned at his brother but moved, hoping this was a normal brotherly type thing and not just Dean being annoyed with him for existing.
"Sam?" Dad asked, turning his attention to his middle son. "Are you working on the research for the Wendiego hunt in Woods Valley?"
"No." Sam said shortly, not looking up from his computer.
"No?" Dad said sharply, lifting an eyebrow, clearly not happy with Sam's disrespectful attitude.
"No…Sir." Sam said, stopping his typing but still refusing to meet his father's stern eye.
"Then what are you doing?" John questioned, taking off his coat and tossing it easily on the chair across from Sam in a light motion that was in contrast to his serious tone.
"Homework." Sam said simply. "I have an English essay due Monday."
"Homework?" John questioned. "I told you to be working on the Wendiego research, did I not? Are you already finished with it?"
Adam watched as Sam went silent under his father's questioning. Adam knew full well that they hadn't done any research while Dad had been gone. Sam seemed focused on his schoolwork and in all honesty Adam had gotten distracted. He'd been too busy enjoying the time off from monsters and training to remember the orders Dad had given before he and Dean left.
Adam felt a pit of fear develop in his stomach as watched his father walk over to Sam and tower over him at the table. Adam knew if he was in Sam's shoes he'd be shaking in guilt and fear under that intimidating presence.
Sam however, was unmoved. He sat completely still in the chair, staring directly ahead at his computer screen his jaw set rigidly.
"Sam," his father said in a low murmur, "I asked you a question."
Sam didn't respond again and Adam immediately turned to Dean in concern. The tension in the room was climbing faster than Adam was comfortable with. Dean ignored his worried glance, poised on the edge of the bed closely watching the scene unfold before them.
"No sir." Sam ground out finally.
"Excuse me?" John said, not willing to let Sam get away with an inch of disrespect.
"No sir. I did not finish the Wendiego research."
"And tell me why son? Why didn't you do as you were told? What was so goddam important?"
Sam huffed and grit his teeth. Finally he looked up at his father, challenging him. "My homework Dad. I needed to do my homework."
"Homework?" John scoffed, causing Sam to turn away and slam down the lid on his laptop computer.
"Sam. People's lives are on the line here." John said seriously.
"Why is that my responsibility?" Sam asked, his voice dripping with contempt.
"Because that's our job, boy." John replied lowly and Adam felt Dean twitch beside him as they both caught sight of their father clenching and unclenching his fist in an attempt to control his temper.
"No. It's your job! I never asked for this." Sam said vehemently, standing up to face his father. "I'm just trying to do my homework. Trying to get good grades, like any normal father would want from his kid."
Adam watched as his father leaned forward and felt the bed dip as Dean launched himself across the small space, landing between his father and brother.
"Hey! Hey." He said, getting himself between the two and putting a hand on Sam's shoulder and roughing pushing his younger brother back into the chair behind him.
"Look! It was a long drive and I'm sure Sam's got the research on the back burner, right Sammy?" Dean said, looking hopefully at Sam.
Dean's presence in the argument seemed to take the tension in the room back down to a manageable level and Adam watched carefully as Sam finally submitted to his father's demanding presence and looked down at the ground, mumbling "Yeah."
Although Adam could only see his father's back he could still feel the waves of anger coming of him. He'd been in this new Winchester life for three months now and he'd already seen some tense arguments between his father and Sam. He was actually surprised that Sam was even willing to risk enraging their father at all when just two weeks ago he was on the receiving end of a long 'talk' with John's belt after he told their dad to 'fuck off' during a run.
"You do as your told Sam." John said intensely, staring at his middle son, "I don't care how important you think your homework is. You do as I say first."
Adam swallowed nervously watching the exchange. He noticed his father's clenched fists and remembered how John had grabbed the front of Sam's shirt two weeks ago, shaking him hard before Dean intervened. He was pretty sure that their Dad would never really punch Sam, especially not with Dean there, no matter how much it looked like he wanted to.
"Do you understand me?" their father ground out.
"Yes sir." Sam said automatically, his eyes still on the ground and a scowl across his face.
Dad seemed finally seemed content with Sam's response and let out a sigh, stepping back and away from his two oldest sons.
"Dammit Sam. This job. It is our job- your job. This family counts on you to do your part. I know you know that. Your brother and I need that research to act safely and effectively on these hunts."
Adam watched as Sam looked up at their father, his face not contorted in anger for the first time in the past few minutes.
"I know school is important to you." Dad continued. "I'm glad it is. But kid- this job is life and death- life and death. I need you to be serious about that."
"Yes sir." Sam said quietly, stubbornness still lingering in his voice.
"Fine." John said, scrubbing a hand through his hair, "Then do as your told."
"Yes sir." Sam said again, avoiding his father's eyes again.
John sighed and moved to grab his coat from the chair across from Sam, digging the keys out of the pocket.
"I'll go grab us some dinner. And Sam?"
Sam reluctantly looked up at his father and Adam watched as John tightened his jaw at the surly look still on his son's face.
"Get started on that research. You've got an extra three miles to run before bed tonight."
"Yes Sir." Sam grumbled.
Adam hated the idea of Sam getting punished, especially when he felt it was probably his fault too for not remembering to do the research, but he wasn't about to speak up and draw attention to himself.
"And boys?" John said, acknowledging his other sons "Start getting these weapons cleaned up while I'm gone ok?
"Yes sir," Adam responded immediately, in unison with Dean, surprised that his father noticed him. He was sure he'd been forgotten during the entire argument.
John turned to leave and the door swiftly closed behind him, leaving the three brothers alone.
"What the hell Sam?" Dean said, rounding on his younger brother.
"What?" Sam asked annoyed, standing up from the table and brushing past.
"What?" Dean mocked, "I could put your head through the fucking wall right now! What's your problem?"
Adam froze on the bed, realizing that again he was becoming another unwelcome spectator to a Winchester throw down argument.
"Nothing Dean!" Sam yelled, "I'm just trying to do my freaking homework! Dad's the one who flipped out about it!"
"Jesus Christ Sam! We just drove six hours to get back here! You think the first thing he wants to do when he gets back is get into a fight with your moody ass?"
"Shut up Dean!"
"Why couldn't you just do the damn research and be done with it? I know you. Its only gonna take you like a hour and we've been gone for days!"
"We did go to the library…" Adam suggested quietly.
"Shut up!" Dean snapped at him and Adam shrank back into the bed.
"Cause I don't wanna do it!" Sam snapped back at his brother, ignoring Adam's timid suggestion.
"Who freaking cares if you want to or not Sam? Just get it done!" Dean yelled back, exasperated.
"No Dean!" Sam yelled, spinning around away from his brother. "God! Its not that easy!"
"Yes it is Sam!" Dean implored. "I know you don't wanna hunt. Dad knows. You've made that pretty damn clear, but shit man! Help us out. Help me out! Just do the damn research! You're better at it anyway!"
Adam watched as Sam groaned in frustration and ran his hands through his hair tugging at his scalp.
Sam didn't want to hunt? Apparently Adam had missed that memo. He'd witnessed arguments and heard mumbled sidelong comments but he hadn't known that Sam was really truly against hunting. Adam felt a little shocked. He figured that being born into this life like Sam was, hunting would feel like his calling. Dad and Dean always referred to it as "the family business" so Adam naturally assumed Sam would inherit the job just as Dean did. It never occurred to him that Sam might want to have a say in his life.
Adam considered this fact as he watched his brothers drift around the hotel room, finally coming to land next to each other on the motel bed next to where Adam was sitting. Dad never said Adam had a choice about joining his new family on the road, or hunting monsters or anything like that. Adam never assumed there was a choice. It frustrated him a little to know that Sam had the brains to question their father and the confidence in himself to try to pursue something else. Adam wondered where he would be right now if he'd thought to ask his father what his options were. Did he have to become a hunter? Could he have gone into foster care or something? Adam knew that, while he didn't feel truly passionate about the hunting life like Dean seemed to, he at least wanted to chance to get his revenge on every one of the creatures like the ones that killed his mother. He also knew that despite the weirdness of his life on the road with the Winchesters, it was in all likelihood, a vast improvement over any foster situation his would have been placed in.
Feeling like a spectator spying on a private moment, Adam watched as his brothers sat on the motel bed talking. The room was so small he was of course eavesdropping on their conversation, but they seemed to have forgotten he was there anyway. Watching them sitting on the bed so close that their shoulders were touching Adams heart gave a twist. He wanted that closeness. He wanted it from his brothers, from his father. That physical connection was something he didn't realize he was so desperately missing since his mother died.
A jolt of jealously stung him then. He often noticed the easy closeness that Sam and Dean had with each other. A lifetime of tiny motel rooms and long car rides had given them a familiarity that caused them to seemingly orbit around each other. Adam hated how often he could feel them speak to each other without saying a word. He wished more than anything that he could understand the weighted looks and tilts of head that passed for entire conversations between the two. Logically he knew that they were unaware of most of it, but each time it happened Adam was left feeling like an outsider, like he was intruding on their lives and that he might never be a 'real' brother to them.
Adam let out a small sigh at the thought and the quiet noise was enough to turn his brother's attention to him.
"Why don't you go get us some ice?" Dean said, eyeing him.
"For what?" Adam questioned, aggravated that he was clearly being told to leave the room so that Sam and Dean talk privately.
"For ice." Dean snapped, standing up off the bed and grabbing the empty ice bucket off the table between the two motel beds.
Dean shoved the ice bucket in Adam's chest and nodded to the door.
Adam stood up in a huff, glaring at Dean and then Sam, since Sam had made no move to stop their older brother from kicking him out. He stomped out of the room, letting the heavy motel room door slam behind him.
He stood outside the room, leaning back against the door letting the feelings of anger and hurt wash over him. Being an only child had never been as long as being an outside brother was turning out to be.