Disclaimer for this chapter and the next one: precise legal / court procedures aren't my forte. All I know is based on watching TV! What I write is for dramatic purposes only :D

20. Miss you

"Good morning everyone!" ADA Novak says loudly, walking through the squad room with determined strides on Thursday morning until she reaches Elliot's desk and slaps a thick manila folder on his desk.

"What's that?" Olivia asks while Elliot opens the folder.

"The Michelle Winters case. We're finally moving after all of their stalling tactics failed. You're both due in court tomorrow. Cragen said you'd have some time to prep right now," Casey rattles on, while Olivia is still stuck on the announcement that the Winters case is finally going to trial. It's the case of the party rape where Gene had been a corroborating witness.

"It's very simple," Casey tells them. "Olivia, you took the victim's initial statement while you, Elliot, were the first to talk to the suspect and his friend before he invoked his right to counsel. And you're lead Detective on this, so I'll need you to explain how you all followed up on your leads so we can connect all the dots for the jury. Basic, right? If you'll both follow me?"

She walks off in the direction of the conference room and Olivia glances at her partner as they stand up to follow the ADA. Elliot brings the manila folder along and Olivia wonders if Gene will be called to testify in the case, like he expected to be. After she'd sent the dress back on Sunday, he had sent her two more text messages, one late at night on Sunday and a last one on Monday evening. After that, the messages stopped, and she had finally sat down to read them all on Monday evening.

The first few five or six had been short, simple pleas for her to call him back. But when she hadn't responded, the messages had gotten a little more urgent.

'Please give me a chance to explain myself. I can't leave things like this between us.'

'I know we can't go back to the way things were but can we at least talk?'

Olivia wonders why Gene thinks they can't go back to the way things were. She agrees, but she can't help wondering what changed at his end.

She rereads Frank's single message, that he's sent in between messages from his brother.

'Olivia, please talk to Gene. Be well, I hope to see you again soon. Frank'

Why is he pleading for his brother, knowing that she's fallen in love with him? She wonders again if Frank has told Gene about her feelings for him and if that's the reason Gene knows they can't go back to the way things were before. It has to be the last thing he wants, one of his sex buddies falling for him. And yet, the despair she senses from his other text messages stays with her as she tries to finish her work week, hoping for things to go back to normal as soon as possible.

'You have every right to be angry with me. I'm here if you want to have a swing at me, Olivia. I'm serious. I just want to talk to you.'

And then a text he must have sent in the middle of a sleepless night, since it's time-stamped 3.23 am.

'I miss you baby. I can't stop thinking about you. Please call or text me.'

She can't help wondering how long it will take for him to stop missing her. He has several other women to be with after all. She hates it that his messages affect her anyway, because she misses him like crazy as well, despite what he's done. If there is an off-switch for these kinds of feelings, she hasn't found it.

Meanwhile Elliot is making sure she's okay during the day and she appreciates it. It's very confronting to sense that any thoughts about Elliot in any other capacity than her partner and friend, have disappeared completely. She feels comfortable with him, maybe even more now than before, and she wonders if this is what it would be like to have a brother. It's a shift that underlines even more how deep her feelings for Gene run. How has she let it get this far?

She dreams of Gene too. About his hands on her body and his mouth, whispering sweet things in her ear or bringing her to ecstasy. She's woken up incredibly horny several times now and she can't believe she still wants the man after he's basically dumped her for another fling while she was his guest for the weekend. She knows she's basically always shared him with other women and feels kind of schizophrenic about that. She's never been one to share and yet she wants him back anyway. But she's still fighting that feeling, hoping her pride will win out in the end.

His last two messages had her in tears on Monday night. The first must have been sent right after she'd sent the package back to him on Sunday evening.

'I understand that you're hurt. I wish I could have just sent myself over so I could have seen you, even just for a minute. But I am trying to give you space, if that makes sense to you after all my messages. I'm trying, Olivia. Please don't hate me.'

His last message had a finality to it that had finally burst the dam again and had her sobbing into her pillow once it had sunk in.

'Dear Olivia, you are the only woman on my mind. I'm trying to let you go but I don't know if I can. It's up to you now. Love, Gene.'

Doesn't Gene know he can't leave things like this up to her? She sucks at love and would fly off to Australia before showing her wounded heart to anyone.

Elliot knows she's hurting. Her puffy eyes on Tuesday morning had been hard to miss, and he's been making sure Cragen and their coworkers haven't bothered her. He's tried to broach the subject but she's shut him down. She doesn't want to think about it on the job. As long as she focuses on getting justice for the victims, she can't feel sorry for herself.

And now, they have to focus on the Michelle Winters case and she just can't. She feels jittery and wishes she could open that folder to see who else Casey is going to call to the stand. But the ADA is asking her about Michelle's disclosure and she has to get her act together.

"Do you have my report in there?" she asks, gesturing at the folder in front of Elliot on the table and Elliot slides it towards her.

"Of course. But you'll need to be able to recount her story by heart," Casey says, squinting slightly and Olivia looks away, avoiding the redhead's scrutiny.

"I know," she mumbles, finally opening the folder to find her statement on Michelle's disclosure as well as the witness list.

His name jumps out at her halfway the page, under the appropriate header of corroborating witnesses. He's one of four people who were at the party, who had seen the suspect and the victim interact before the assault or right after. Two others, both friends of the victim, will testify that she had been scared of running into the the suspect even before the party.

"Despite what his overpriced lawyer seems to think, it's a pretty open and shut case if you ask me," Casey states. "There were several witnesses who can attest that there was nothing consensual about Michelle's interaction with Perry at all. The fact that they once dated in the past has nothing to do with anything."

"Is he still claiming she's only crying rape to get back at him for breaking up with her?" Elliot asks, and Olivia quickly turns the page to find her own report from a couple of months ago.

"That seems to be their plan," Casey replies. "But her friends know it's not true because she was glad to get away from him."

"Right. That's what she told me too," Olivia chips in, finally managing to pull her thoughts together. "She said that he keeps blasting around that he dumped her 'neurotic ass', his words, but that in reality, she was the one who broke up with him."

"But his ego can't handle that, of course," Elliot mumbles and Casey chuckles.

"Private texts to several of her friends confirm it though," the ADA adds. "I hope they won't pull some kind of stunt in the courtroom because based on the evidence, they should know they're screwed."

Olivia's thoughts have drifted back to Gene after Elliot's comment but she has to stop herself right away. It's not about ego with him. He's always said that men shouldn't take it personally when a woman isn't interested in them. They have a right to say no. That's what makes him such a perfect witness in this case and she knows for a fact that he'd have truckloads of women willing to testify that he lives by those words. She can't blame Casey for picking him.

The others go over their collective notes and Olivia joins them. She needs to focus for Michelle's sake. They'll get through this trial and then, maybe things will finally return to normal.

...

"What's up, Gene?"

Blake plops down in a chair next to him and Gene puts his phone away.

"I was just summoned to appear in court tomorrow."

"Cool."

Gene chuckles. He wouldn't call it cool that a woman was raped at a party he was attending a few months ago, but he does think it's very interesting to see how this legal stuff works. But the main question on his mind is of a completely different nature. Will Olivia be there too?

She still hasn't responded to any of his messages and slowly but surely, he's beginning to feel a little desperate. Giving her space had seemed like a good idea at the beginning of the week, but he is beginning to wonder if he'll ever hear from her again. He has spent the rest of his week off at the estate, not feeling like going home to his own place on Long Island, and most definitely not feeling like going out with someone else.

All the signs are there and looking back, he should have known it a lot sooner. But he'd kept running away, forcing himself to keep seeing other women until the women themselves told him the magic was gone and they were moving on.

It isn't that there's no one left in his proverbial black book but he has lost all interest in being with other women. There is only one he can think of anymore.

"Have you heard from Olivia?" Blake asks him, and Gene shakes his head.

"No. And I don't blame her."

"You blame yourself."

"Absolutely."

"I still don't really get what happened, man," his youngest brother admits. "I mean, I get that you were shaken up when Barbara showed up out of the blue but how did you end up with Jasmyn after that?"

He's given his brother a general rundown of why Olivia left that night but he wonders if Blake knows what his sex life has really been like all these years. That Olivia was never his girlfriend like Lindsey is Blake's. He can't say yet if the young couple is a perfect match that will stand the test of time, but for the first time in his life he actually thinks that what Blake and Lindsey have is worth millions more than what he's had with his lady friends so far, whether it lasts or not. He can't believe how much Olivia is changing his outlook on life and he doesn't know whether he should laugh or cry about it, because she's not here.

He waves off Blake's question, telling him it's complicated.

"I'm an idiot, that much is clear," he says with a wry smile.

Several women and even a man have tried to fill the void after Olivia's abrupt departure over the past few days but he finds that he is no longer interested. He doesn't usually date women from this part of Long Island because he wants to keep his private life separate from his dating life, but he's never shied away from a casual fling with a guest from elsewhere during the Butler Bash. Not this year, although he'd come close with Jasmyn. He'd brought Olivia this year and if he could turn back time, he knows he would do things differently. He remembers how great it had been to spend time with her, dancing with her, pleasing her on Friday night, going all out on Saturday before breakfast, and in the shower, and just splashing around in the pool together. His body longs for hers but he also longs to see her face again; her beautiful smile and her dark eyes that hold secrets he wants to discover and pain he'd want to take away.

He also remembers thinking Frank would be a better fit for her, because he still believes in true love and commitment. He remembers the last time he had Olivia in his bed, when he had tried to begin saying goodbye to her, knowing that it was going to be inevitable. He had failed miserably and if he could go back to those moments, he would have made love to her, slowly and intimately. It's what she deserves.

And now he is expected back in Manhattan to be a witness in her case against Perry fucking Lewis. He's always thought the guy was an arrogant prick but to rape his ex to get back at her? That was the lowest thing to do. It's going to feel good to help the cops put him away for a long time. And maybe …

"So this trial. Will Olivia be there too?" Blake asks, interrupting his thoughts. "She's involved in that case, right?"

"Yeah. Yes, she is," Gene nods. "I don't know if she'll be there at the same time I'm there. I don't know how these things work."

"Be glad that you don't," Blake jokes, but the joke is lost on Gene.

Gene decides to gather his things and go to Manhattan tonight, so he'll already be there for the preparation session with the ADA at 9 am. He doesn't plan on seeing anyone during his stay in Manhattan. It will be a good test to see if this change he is experiencing will actually take root. As he wheels his suitcase into his hotel room, he sighs. This is the same room where he'd spent the night with Olivia the very first time. Later, when he lies in bed, channel surfing while sipping a glass of scotch, he sighs. Who would have thought that Gene Butler of all people would spend his evening alone in a luxurious hotel room in a huge bed, watching some mindless TV before turning in early.

As he turns off the TV and settles in the for the night, he whispers into the night,

"What have you done to me, Olivia Benson?"

…

To be continued.