Note to the people wondering why Olivia hasn't responded to Gene's messages yet: I had hoped it would be clear from what I've written so far but here's a little Olivia Benson 101 for those who missed it. She is still convinced he doesn't have real feelings for her. It's her typical response to run away to keep from hurting too badly. Not that it's working, but it's what she does, right? And with her inferiority complex alive and well, she probably doesn't even think she has a right to feel hurt, because she wasn't actually cheated on … (like Frank said, part of her is even defending Gene although she really shouldn't!)
Maybe only a groveling Gene will snap her out of it and finally make her see that she does matter, in general as well as to him. Onwards ...

...

21. Trial

He has a text.

From her.

Gene can hardly believe it. Checking his phone for the first time that morning over breakfast, he stops breathing for a second when he sees her name in front of the third last text notification in his phone. She's sent him a text early in the morning while he'd still been sleeping. He blows out a breath before opening it and would laugh at himself if he wasn't so nervous. What has she written to him?

'Gene, I always knew we weren't going to last so don't beat yourself up about it. What's done is done. Good luck testifying today. Olivia.'

His hands are trembling and his appetite is completely gone. He doesn't know whether to laugh or cry; he is so happy to hear from her but at the same time, her words cut deeply. She's already moving on? He shakes his head. He should be glad that she's cutting him loose so he can go back to the life he's used to, but it's not what he wants anymore. It's the opposite of what he wants and that is now more obvious to him than ever. He actually doesn't want to go back to the life he was used to. And that makes it so hard to accept her message. Had Frank misunderstood? Didn't she have any real feelings for him after all?

Gene forces himself to eat some more because it's going to be a long day in court, while trying to think of an appropriate response to her message. He is still determined to see Olivia there and hopefully, to talk to her. He finally decides just to tell her that. His text reads,

'Hoping to see you there. Talk to me? Gene'.

He can't just leave things like this between them. Her message hurts but he knows he's hurt her too and she deserves to know the truth. He just has to decide if he's ready to tell her the whole truth.

…

A few hours earlier

Olivia has hardly slept again, tossing and turning all night, arguing with herself that she needs to get a grip. Her heart has got to start listening to her head at last. Gene is not relationship material. He doesn't want to be, and no matter what the reasons are, it's not up to her to try and fix him. She isn't going to humiliate herself. She already feels humiliated enough. He had made her feel special; beautiful; in retrospect, she must have felt loved in a way. But she's done that to herself. Gene has been nothing but honest about his intentions and she was never the only one he was seeing. But although she will have to find a way to move on from him, it doesn't sit right with her that she's ignored him the entire week. When she tries to look at it from Gene's perspective, she thinks it's not the most mature response imaginable, especially given the superficial nature of their arrangement. The least she can do is acknowledge him and acknowledge the end of that arrangement. It will make it a little easier if she does run into him in court later. And so she has decided to finally send him a text.

She thinks long and hard about the words and deletes several drafts before settling on the most neutral one she can think of. She means it too, although her heart still disagrees with her entirely.

'Gene, I always knew we weren't going to last'. Well, she should have known.

'so don't beat yourself up about it.' His messages all sound so guilty. She doesn't want that for him, even if she still feels cheated on somehow. It's such a mess.

'What's done is done.' It's a cliché but those are usually true. She is trying so hard to move on and not dwell on it and maybe releasing him from his guilt trip will help her let go as well.

'Good luck testifying today.' That's actually the main purpose of her text, to let him know she is aware of the trial and the fact that he's coming. This deafening silence on her part will only make the tension between them unbearable if they do run into each other. After thinking about it long and hard, she's concluded that sending him this one text is the right thing to do. Now it's just a matter of getting through this day.

...

The court prep as the ADA calls it, has gone very well. He won't be allowed to listen in on the trial until after he's given his own testimony. It's the same for all the others who are being prepped. They're on a tight schedule but ADA Novak seems like she's on top of things.

A couple of months ago, he would probably have tried to hit on the redhead. He knows she's checked him out and that used to be his cue to take things to the next level, and maybe ask her to meet up after hours. But not now.

Not now.

Looking back, he hasn't hooked up with a single new person ever since running into Olivia. He's continued to have sex dates, but only with women he'd already known. He's in even deeper than he'd realized. He had stopped exploring new land the moment he discovered Olivia Benson and he's not done exploring her at all.

Even now, knowing perfectly well that he's not supposed to talk to anyone related to the case, he finds himself scanning the hallways of the court house, looking for her. The trial won't begin until noon and he will step out soon to grab a bite to eat, but he already knows he'll be back here early, hoping to catch a glimpse of the brunette Detective before or after she's been called in to testify.

The cops will testify before the witnesses. Once he's testified, he will be allowed to stay in the courtroom and that will be his best shot at seeing Olivia. He doesn't know if there will be any breaks but he hopes he will get a chance to talk to her. He'll probably be here all day and he's brought a laptop so he can do some work later on.

…

Olivia knows Elliot has glanced at her several times. He doesn't understand because he still doesn't have a clue that the man she's been crying over is that same Mr. Perfect they interviewed months ago. Elliot wonders out loud if she's worried about nailing Perry Lewis but she shakes her head. That's not what has her nervous but what can she tell her partner?

"No. I know Michelle's gonna do great," she says emphatically. "She's more than ready for this."

Elliot nods. He knows.

"And you?"

Olivia blinks.

"What do you mean? I know what to do."

She knows she sounds defensive but she can't help it. She isn't ready to tell Elliot about Gene. She still hates herself for letting herself fall for a man who doesn't want her and she doesn't need Elliot's pity. Not today. Today, she just needs to focus on the case and get it over with.

"I know you do," Elliot says quietly and part of her wishes he wouldn't be so accommodating all the time and give her an excuse to walk off and be alone for a while. But they need to get going and she just squeezes in a quick bathroom break before they leave for the court house. She avoids looking in the mirror as she washes her hands. She doesn't need to see how nervous she is; she knows. His reply to her text is only adding to that. He will try to talk to her today and it makes her feel weak. This isn't like her at all and she knows it.

Meeting up with Michelle helps her focus on the case again and once the trial gets underway, everything else fades into the background. She's called in right after the opening statements and after giving her testimony about Michelle's disclosure and the findings of her rape kit, she sits down behind Michelle, who mouths 'thank you' to her. It's been hard for Michelle to relive intimate details of her relationship with Perry and her subsequent rape in public, hearing them back from Olivia in her testimony, but Olivia can see that the young woman is being strong.

Elliot is called to the stand and tells the judge and jury about his first encounter with the suspect and his friend and how they had worked the case from start to finish. When the defense starts asking him questions, he remains calm and composed despite the disgust he feels for the suspect and his circle of friends. Olivia can see it in his eyes but this is what they do. This is how they handle it. They translate their disgust into a focused investigation so these perps can be nailed in court. While the defense hasn't asked her anything yet, Elliot gets a few pointed questions from the defense attorney, a young man who acts and dresses a lot like his rich brat yuppie client. It seems that the man is trying to get Elliot to admit he hates 'their kind' but Elliot doesn't fall for it. He sticks to the facts and his own observations and eventually, he is dismissed. Elliot sits down next to her and she smiles at him. Things are going well so far.

And then it's time to call the witnesses and the first name that is called is Gene Butler.

...

He knows she has to be here because he's seen her partner go inside earlier, but he keeps his eyes on the judge when he enters the room, walking to the front of the courtroom to be sworn in. He unbuttons his jacket before sitting down, and only then allows himself to look at the other people present.
He spots her instantly, over Michelle's right shoulder, and his eyes lock on to hers. He sees her look away quickly and the apprehension in her features surprises him. He's seen her lose her composure before, but only in the most delicious ways. He wants her to look at him again so he can see how she's really feeling but there's no time. ADA Novak blocks his view of Olivia and begins asking him a few questions.

He answers them just like they had rehearsed but once the lawyer defending Perry Lewis starts asking him questions, he knows he needs to think carefully about his answers. He can't believe they are trying to convince the jury that Michelle set Perry up! They are trying to make the case that Michelle seduced her ex at the party and told him she wanted it rough so she could then accuse him of raping her. It makes him angry and that leads the lawyer to believe - or at least assert - that he may have been in on the scheme.

"That's preposterous," Gene hisses. "I know what I saw. Michelle didn't want to be anywhere near him!"

The lawyer fires more questions off at him rapidly, questioning his judgment of what women want and don't want, trying to rile him up some more. Gene knows types like this lawyer and leans back in the chair, a smug smile on his face and folding his hands in front of his stomach.

"You sound a little desperate, Counselor," he says calmly once the lawyer pauses to take a breath, and he hears the modest audience chuckle. "Your client is guilty and you know it. This is all just an act to discredit a young woman who was brave enough to stand up to him."

"Objection!" the lawyer says, glancing at the judge. "The witness is trying to influence the jury."

"Everyone is trying to influence the jury, Counselor," judge Petrovsky responds dryly. "Do you have any further questions for this witness?"

The lawyer glares at him and Gene just smiles confidently, daring the man to ask him anything else. But the man backs down and mutters, "No further questions, Your Honor," before retreating to his table.

He makes eye contact with Olivia then, and she's smiling. She seems proud of him and it makes his heart skip a beat. He tries to maintain eye contact with her while he leaves the stand but has to break it to look for a place to sit. There is no space next to her or behind her, so he decides to scoot into the bench on the other side of the aisle. As he sits down, he realizes that the impressive form of Olivia's partner now blocks most of his view but maybe it's for the best. He doesn't want to unnerve her.

Another man who had been at the party is called to the stand and Gene tries to focus on the court proceedings. It's not every day that he gets to witness these matters first hand and it's interesting. He will have time to talk to Olivia later, hopefully.

...

Olivia takes a slow, deep breath and flattens her hands on her knees. Gene has done a great job up there and she feels a sense of pride about it. But seeing him has affected her deeply. It's a feeling like nothing else, to suddenly see that one face again that you've missed for so long. It's like finally finding that one little piece of a 5,000 piece puzzle after searching for it for days and to see, even feel it slide into place. She knows it's been less than a week but it had felt like an eternity. She's gone weeks without him many times before, but everything has changed now. She's admitted that she's in love with him, not only to his brother but most of all to herself. And that has turned everything upside down. She never knew she could miss someone like this, as if a part of her heart has simply stopped beating. It makes her feel limp emotionally and it even hurts physically when she thinks about it too much. She tries to force herself to focus on the trial again but although she manages to follow the remainder of the proceedings until the first break, she also remains acutely aware of the presence to her left, on the other side of the aisle.

…

To be continued.

(I know this was short but it's all I have so far. The rest is still only in my head.)