25. Trust

She cried. Just a little bit. Two soft sniffles and a few tears that were wiped away so quickly that he never even saw them. But it means so much to him because he knows what it costs her to open up just a crack and show him a bit of her heart.

She loves him.

He feels utterly undeserving of her love after the life he's lived and after how hard he's been fighting to keep her out, but like he told her, he isn't going to send her off to find a more deserving man. He wants to keep her. Just like this. Close to his heart like she is physically now.

Their limbs are tangled as if they can't get close enough to each other and her ear is pressed against his chest. He thinks she's listening to his heartbeat, that has finally slowed down again after their emotional lovemaking. The afterglow is subsiding too but neither of them want to move.

Not yet.

It hasn't sunk in yet that they won't have to say goodbye anymore. They will spend days apart again because of work but it's different now. She won't have to wonder where he is; she can just call him and ask him. She has a claim now and it's a feeling like she's never had before. There have been men who had wanted to be her one and only, but it never felt right. Olivia had always felt like she was supposed to add something to their lives, while they didn't add enough to hers. They were just one more person to consider in her busy schedule. She knows now what was missing. She hadn't been in love. Because adjusting her schedule to Gene is a joy, just like he wants to adjust his life so he can be with her.

Gene is drawing patterns on her back and now that her body has calmed down, his touch begins to affect her all over again. She can't believe she has admitted she loves him but it had been the only thing that made sense to say in those moments. He said it back at least five times while kissing her face and she had cried a little. It's all still so new but her heart is jumping for joy and after she had wiped away her tears, they had laughed together. She smiles thinking of that moment of pure happiness and it's as if Gene can feel her smiling against his chest.

"Are you happy, baby?" he asks her softly.

"Yeah."

"Me too. I never thought I'd ever feel this way."

Olivia untangles herself from him and turns on her stomach, leaning on her elbows so she can look at her lover. Her … boyfriend?

"It's terrifying, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

They understand each other. Allowing someone to hold your heart in their hands is such a big risk; a risk neither of them had been willing to take for the longest time. Perhaps a higher power had been at work to throw them together, so they would finally meet someone who is as scared as they are.

"So much for casual sex," Olivia jokes, needing some levity in their conversation.

"So much for casual anything," Gene stresses.

He lifts a hand to brush her hair from her forehead and Olivia closes her eyes briefly.

"I want to do whatever it takes to make you happy, Olivia," he tells her solemnly.

"Don't forget about your own needs," she responds, and she means it.

Gene turns on his side, propping himself up on one elbow so their faces are level with each other.

"I want you to be happy," he repeats.

"And I want you to be happy," she tells him sincerely.

It's true and that's another thing that's new. She knows she's always felt this way about people she cares about; she's always wanted her partner to be happy and she does what she can to make sure he can be there for his family. She also feels this way about survivors, and families of victims. She wants what's best for them so they can find their way again. But she's never felt this way about a man she was seeing. Until now.

"Then I don't think either of us will draw the short straw," Gene states.

It's a simple truth and Olivia smiles.

"Yeah," she says, her smile widening when she sees the look in Gene's eyes change from serious to a look of desire. His eyes drop to her mouth and hers do the same. They are drawn to each other like magnets and in one fluent movement, Gene has pulled Olivia on top of him.

"I love you, Olivia Benson," he says and she dips down to kiss him.

"I love you, Gene Butler," she whispers against his lips.

His hands travel up from her hips to her shoulders and back and Olivia pushes herself up on her arms to give him access to her upper body. He grins when he avoids touching her breasts for the time being, his hands caressing her sides, her hips, her thighs and then move back up to her shoulders.

Olivia grunts and Gene chuckles.

"I thought you wanted to make me happy," Olivia pouts and when he still doesn't touch her breasts she sits up and grabs them herself.

Gene laughs out loud but swallows when he sees the sexy sight in front of him. Olivia has tilted her hips and is now riding his stomach while squeezing her own breasts. His cock jumps up and soon presses against one of her ass cheeks. He realizes he hasn't ditched his used condom yet and they're probably going to make a mess if Olivia keeps this up.

"Liv, I gotta change that," he tells her, but she doesn't make it easy for him to focus. She slips off him and he sits up, but while he fumbles with the used rubber, trying to tie a knot in it quickly, Olivia starts rubbing him sensually. It doesn't take much to get him completely hard again and she smiles seductively at him. As soon as he has managed to tie a knot in the condom, he tosses it away and grabs Olivia's shoulders, to 'get back at her' for distracting him. Olivia yelps but then laughs out loud and they play-wrestle for a minute before she pushes him down on his back again and straddles his stomach once more.

"You want me?" he asks her and she grins at him.

"You want me?" she asks him in return.

"Oh yes, I do."

She drapes her body over his and kisses him deeply. Mine, she thinks and it hits her again. It's okay to think that now. He's really hers now. He moans into her mouth and it's the best sound in the world, to have this effect on him. He is finally kneading and caressing her breasts and her body is already on high alert. She knows her body has always been sensitive to stimulation but what Gene is doing to her is bordering on ridiculous because she already wants him inside her again.

She scoots back until his hard cock comes into view and she strokes it a few times more, until Gene stills her hands. She knows he is going to reach for a fresh condom and she lets him. She sits on his thighs, watching his every move and smiles at him when he looks at her. They haven't discussed their use of protection yet and things are too fresh to bring it up now. When Gene reaches for her, she dips down to kiss his chest, and seeks out his nipples with her tongue before making a trail of kisses up to his neck. Gene is starting to tremble underneath her and it moves her that he is being so vulnerable with her. It's not that he's losing it but when she thinks about it, he has always been very much in control of himself. She lifts her head to look into his eyes and there is an openness in them that makes her swallow. He gazes at her with a look of pure love and devotion and she knows that the way she is kissing his body, is out of love as well. She never knew what making love was all about until now. It's so much more than sex and when they kiss and continue the second act of their dance of love, she can feel herself wanting to give herself to Gene. It's not about taking something from him anymore. He was right earlier. When they are both focusing on giving to the other person, neither of them will come up short.

She rides him with an intensity that he recognizes. She is letting go, focusing on him and forgetting herself. It's forgetting in a good way, because she knows he will catch her. She trusts him and for wounded souls like they are, that is perhaps even bigger than love. He will do everything within his power never to betray her trust. She will be enough, he knows it when he sees her perfect body work to pleasure him.

His hands are on her rolling hips while she rides him, holding her firmly against him so he can give to her what her body is craving in return. He sees a sheen of sweat on her chest and he works harder for her. He wants her to come undone but she seems intent on making him come first this time. Her inner walls are squeezing him tightly and he knows he is at her mercy. He tries to sit up but she pushes him back down, resting her hands on his shoulders and changing the angle of her hips again.

She gasps and he whispers words of encouragement. She's panting with each thrust but manages to whisper to him,

"You first."

"Just let go baby," he tells her again and she squeezes her inner walls around him once again, slowing down and then speeding up again, until he's gasping for breath. He can't resist her and while it's not a contest, he knows he is completely at her mercy in these moments. His body shakes and Olivia groans along with him and it triggers his release. He feels like she is enveloping him completely and he lets go, riding the waves of ecstasy and finally taking her along with him.

"Oh yes," he hears her whisper and he knows she's coming too.

Gene tries to keep thrusting up, for Olivia, but she all but pushes him into the mattress as she lets her orgasm overtake her. All he can do is let them merge in their bliss like their bodies are merged together deeply, wrapping his arms around her shoulders when her arms finally buckle.

They pant and moan together, riding out the waves of pleasure, and she kisses his chest and shoulder before burying her face between his neck and the pillow. She's completely spent and as her body relaxes, she feels herself almost drift off to sleep, right there on top of her lover, still intimately connected with him.

"I could sleep," she mumbles and Gene chuckles before telling her,

"I'm not stopping you."

He loves to feel her body on top of his and even when she becomes heavier on his chest and she actually seems to be falling asleep, he doesn't want her to move. He needs her close to him to know that she's really his now and he can't help wondering what he'll be like once they are apart again. She is quickly becoming his whole life. Will he be able to function at all anymore without her right beside him?

…

A/N: I know this was a little short but it seemed like a good place to stop for now. You know, so you'll want more? *wink wink*
Meanwhile, reviews are always much appreciated. We're kind of inching towards 400 little by little.