Timeline- This story takes place in early in Adam's first summer with his brothers. 12-year-old Adam has begun hunting with his family and although things are still rough between him and Dean, they are gradually getting better.
As the melody of 'Highway to Hell' faded Adam peeled himself off the sticky, hot leather of the Impala's backseat to lean over the front bench seat between his two older brothers.
"Hey! Can we listen to XYZ now?" he asked, tilting his head slightly to look at Dean.
"You mean YYZ?" his brother asked, raising his eyebrows in a lighthearted taunt, "Yeah. Sam, find 'Moving Pictures',"
Sam rolled his eyes, but put a bookmark in the book he was reading and reached down to the floorboard and picked up the cardboard box of cassettes that contained Dean's pride and joy.
"Seriously guys?" Sam complained, flipping through the tapes, "Are there even any words to that song? It's like 90% drum solo!"
"I know right?" Dean said with an appreciative nod, "Neil Peart is a God."
Adam grinned at Dean's approval of his musical request and patted himself on the back for his choice. To be honest, Adam didn't actually like Rush, not even the 2112 album that Dean loved so much, even though his older brother had schooled him on how amazing it was and how it was a 'rock masterpiece'. But Adam knew pretending to like the song would earn him some brownie points, even if it meant listening to another 10-minute 'rock epic' with no catchy hook or fun lyrics.
As Sam continued to flip through Dean's collection of tapes, Adam read the titles over his shoulder. AC/DC, Kansas, Boston, Led Zeppelin: all the essentials of classic rock. Dean was pretty proud of his taste in music and wore it as easily as his own leather jacket, often pointing out to Adam the guitar work on a particular song or informing him of some random trivia about the artists or albums. Adam had never really paid attention to music before, at least not in the way intense way that Dean did. Growing up Adam would listen to whatever was on the radio or whatever songs his mom liked. He was only just now seeing that his taste in music could define part of who he was as a person and how people saw him. Watching Dean, Adam was learning that knowing the intricacies of a Rush drum solo could make him more of the badass he wanted to be.
He tried to take in Sam's preference of music too, but there weren't very many opportunities. Not only did Sam not see music as a trademark of his personality the way Dean did, but he also didn't get a chance to listen to the music of his choice very often. Since Dean almost never let him drive and the family rule of 'driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole' was permanently in place, the only time Adam ever got to hear the kind of music Sam liked was if they were stuck in a motel room together, waiting on Dad and Dean to return from somewhere. On the rare occasions that Sam did get to pick the radio station, he'd mostly choose what Adam's mom would have called 'coffee house rock': soft acoustic guitars and light melodies that made Adam picture overstuffed chairs surrounded by stacks of musty books against the window of a grey and rainy day. It all fit Sam perfectly.
Sam finally found the tape Dean asked for and handed it over as Dean a hit a button on the tape deck and popped out the current AC/DC album.
Suddenly the crackling melody of a weak local radio station filled the car and Adam was struck, feeling his heart tighten at the recognition of the song playing.
'It's a little bit funny... this feeling inside,'
"Wait!" Adam called out as Dean reached to push in the tape that Sam handed him.
"Kid, that's Elton John, you don't wanna listen to that crap," Dean said, eyeing him in the rearview mirror.
As the song washed over him Adam remembered.
"This was my mom's favorite song," he whispered, already feeling lost in the ballad and his memories.
Sam and Dean exchanged a look but said nothing. Dean didn't push in the tape, instead turning up the volume on the fading radio station.
"If I were a sculptor, but then again no..."
Adam slowly sat back, sinking against the backseat and letting the music envelop him, carrying him away from the highway and the Impala, back to his home in the kitchen with his mother on a Saturday morning as she did the dishes and sang along to her favorite radio station. Mom liked the soft rock of the mid-80s, Elton John and Billy Joel were her favorites, and while listening to Led Zeppelin and AC/DC with Dean made Adam feel cool, he hadn't realized how much he missed the sweet familiarity of these songs.
As he watched the desolate landscape of interior Florida pass Adam began to feel strangely lonely, sad, and homesick. Since he'd come to live with his father and brothers he'd been training himself to forget. Forget his past. Forget his mother. Forget the terror that had torn them apart. It was the some of only advice Dean had given him when he first came to stay. "Just push it down and keep going." he'd said. So Adam had tried to do just that. He'd ignore his feelings and focus on the day-to-day training and studying that his family required of him. Not to mention, Dad's constant demand of physical training had him so exhausted most days that musing on the past wasn't usually an issue.
But of course, the past was never truly gone and pushing it down didn't always work. Usually, he could keep his memories at bay, locked up tight in the back of his mind. But then he'd smell her laundry soap. Or stupid Elton John would come on the radio and Adam would be lost.
He didn't always cry. The feelings weren't always like that. Nothing like the pure heartbreak and despair he had experienced when she first died. No, he found that the feelings had become a mixed bag of sadness.
"I hope you don't mind… that I put down in words… how wonderful life is, while you're in the world..."
As he looked out the window at the flat expanses of the back country roads, Adam let his mind wander and allowed himself to feel a small trickle of the feelings that were backed up against the dam in his mind. He tried to think logically about his feelings, something Sam often suggested he do. Sam didn't subscribe the 'stupid macho bullshit' of ignoring your feelings the way Dean did. He'd told Adam that it was ok to be sad, or depressed, or just miserable sometimes, that everyone felt that way, especially people who had dealt with horrible things like Adam had. But there were so many things Adam missed about his mom and although rationally he knew that everyone who had lost someone felt like this, that logical thinking that Sam so relied on never made Adam feel any better.
He stared out the window, feeling the humid breeze ruffle his hair, watching the wide, flat farms lining the long thin highway, bleached white by the harsh southern sun and thought about his mom. His brothers were silent in the front seat each watching the road in front of them and lost in their own thoughts.
Suddenly the song crackled hard and as quickly as it had come the station was lost to static, stirring all the Winchester brothers from their reflections.
Dean cleared his throat roughly; shaking off whatever heavy thoughts he had been contemplating.
"Alright," he said curtly, attempting to hide the weakness in his voice.
He pushed in the cassette that was hovering in the tape player and the sounds of the legendary rock band filled the car.
Adam was relieved to feel the shock that the first driving notes of the song sent through him. It was enough to shake him from his melancholy and allow him to take hold of his sadness and force it back into the cage where it belonged. He forced himself to listen intently to the song, thinking only of the notes and wondering if Dad would ever buy him a guitar.
Two weeks later they had wrapped up the gig in Gainesville and were packing up their meager bags, getting ready to hit the road to head to a small town in southern Georgia where Dad had found their next case.
Adam was looking forward to the move. Florida in June was too damn hot in his opinion and although Sam promised him Georgia wouldn't be much better Adam was ready for the change.
"Boys! Get the lead out!" Dad called from the parking lot outside the room, where he was going over a map in the front seat of his pickup.
Adam grabbed his bag off the bed, watching as Sam rolled his eyes at Dad's order but pickup up his own backpack and duffle off his bed and headed out of the room.
"Hey kid," Adam heard Dean call from behind him.
Adam turned to see his oldest brother walking toward him, his own duffle thrown easily over his shoulder, the keys to the Impala in hand. Dean used his free hand to reach for something in the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out a small case and handing it to Adam.
"Here," Dean said roughly, not looking at his brother as he handed him the worn cassette case he had picked up in a Buy, Sell, Trade store across town.
Adam looked down at the tape, seeing an artistically lit photo of a young Elton John, the artist's name written in an elegant font across the top and suddenly Adam felt awkward and embarrassed, "Uh, thanks…" he said quietly.
Dean shoved his hands into his jean pockets and rocked back on his heels, clearly feeling as awkward as Adam felt. "We can play in the car whenever you want," he said, giving Adam a short nod.
Adam nodded back, biting the inside of his lip and looking away from his brother. He slid the tape into his pants pocket, running his fingers along the sharp edge of the plastic case.
Dean gave his brother another short, awkward nod then walked around him and out the door of the room, leaving Adam alone.
Adam kept his hand inside his pocket, wrapped tightly around the gift, gritting his teeth in an effort not to cry at the kindness his brother had shown him.
"Adam!" Dad yelled from outside, "Get it in gear!"
Adam jumped at the command, swallowing the lump in his throat and hurried out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
A/N- I hope you enjoyed this random little angsty/fluffy story! I've been trying to write the bigger story of Sam's leaving for college, but it's a large story and pretty intimidating so I ended up distracting myself with this little story instead! Also if you are looking for some awesome wee!Chesters reading I have to say...A Brother's Sacrifice by ayosb2000 is one of the best I've read in a long time. It's an incredibly well done character study that is beautifully written and worth the time to read if you are interested! I'd love to hear your recommendations too, please PM me any you have! Thank you again for reading and reviewing, you guys give me life!