Learning the Ropes- Part 2

Two days later they were still stuck in the same tiny town. Dad was reading the papers and waiting on calls. Bobby supposedly had a lead on a nasty monster two states over that needed ganking, but he hadn't called yet so the Winchesters were biding their time.

After breakfast, Adam had been hoping that he and his brothers would be allowed to drive to the next town over to see a movie. They'd already done their morning PT and since it was Saturday they had plenty of time to do all their other training and chores before dark. If Dean were in charge Adam knew they'd be able to go. But he wasn't. Dad was home. And things were different when Dad was home.

Adam was just finishing helping Sam wash the cereal bowls when Dad spoke up.

"Ok boys," he said calling for their attention. "We're gonna do escape training again today."

Immediately Adam felt the world tip sideways and his stomach roll.

'Don't pass out. Don't pass out.' He repeated to himself.

"Dad! You're not serious!" Sam asked in outrage.

"Yes. I'm serious Sam." Dad said impassively as he laid out the duct tape, zip ties and old brown rope across the motel bed. "Come here, Adam."

Adam had frozen to the spot. He didn't think he could move even one muscle to follow his father's order. His entire body was coiled in tension. He had hoped that Dad had given him a pass on escape training after what happened. He'd had nightmares every night since ones so bad that he woke up to Dean shaking him awake mid-scream.

"Adam," Dad warned quietly.

Despite his reluctance, the tone of the warning kick-started his muscle memory and Adam found himself standing beside his father before he was conscious of his own movement.

"I know what happened on Thursday and I'm sorry that I didn't expect it. Had I known…" Dad trailed off, "Anyway, regardless of that, this is still a skill you need to learn," he said picking up the rope.

Adam's chest tightened at the sight of the rope and his palms began to sweat.

"I understand your fear. That's normal. But you have to overcome it," Dad continued on, grasping one of Adam's hands and placing the rope in it.

Adam tried to pull away, to drop the rope, but Dad's hand on his own held him firm. Just touching the rough old rope again was enough to make the panic rise in his chest.

"Dad. No. You can't do this!" Sam protested, coming to stand behind Adam ready to fight.

"Dad? Really?" Dean pleaded from across the room, "He's just a kid."

Adam felt Dad's grip tighten and he looked up into his father's eyes to see a deep sorrow that he recognized but didn't quite understand.

"No Dean. He's not. He's a hunter."

Silence filled the room and the weight that had fallen on them before returned.

"Adam." Dad said, his voice unusually soft and gentle, "You are a hunter now son. You have to learn this. You have to learn to control your fear and your mind."

Adam nodded seriously, feeling the gravity of the hunter life anew. Even after a year of living with his new family, even after months of hunting, he was still shocked at how hard and horrible this life could be.

"I..uh..how? How can I not be scared?" he asked sincerely.

"Practice," Dad answered plainly. "You get used to something and it becomes normal. We are gonna practice tying you up and letting you escape until you aren't scared until you can do it as easily as reading a book."

Adam's stomach clenched and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the bile from rising in this throat. Dad was gonna make him do this. Make him do it over and over and over.

"Ok, let's get started. Arms out Adam." Dad said, pulling up Adam's hand and holding his arm out expectantly for the other.

"Already?" Adam squeaked.

"Dad, maybe we should give him some more time to practice," Sam bargained, moving closer to his little brother.

"What do you think this is Sam? Does this look like playtime to you?" Dad snapped back.

"No sir, but..."

"Quiet. Your brother needs to focus." Dad snapped again.

In spite of his tone, Dad was gentle when he took Adam's wrists in his own hands, guiding him to hold the coarse binding in his palms. Adam's chest was tight with fear and his hands felt slick against the roughness of the rope.

"This is just rope," Dad coached, leaning down to look Adam in the eye. "You are in control and you can control your reaction. Stay calm."

Adam swallowed hard, trying to take his father's words to heart. Dad waited until Adam was able to give him a little nod and then began to slowly wrap the ropes around Adam's wrists.

"What should you be doing now?" Dad asked, still winding the ropes.

"Uhh…" Adam mumbled. He honestly had no clue. It was all he could do to remember to breathe. His chest was so tight, his pulse was racing and blood was pounding loudly in his ears.

"Find a way to calm down Adam," Dad said slowly.

Adam knew that his father was trying to be patient, trying to be helpful, but just being told to calm down wasn't any help at all.

Suddenly he felt a hot whisper in his ear from behind "Count." Sam reminded him.

Adam took his mind off the ropes just long enough to remember the counting thing Sam had taught him so long ago. In through the nose, count to three, out. He chanted to himself as he distantly felt his father knot the rope tight against his wrists.

"Ok Adam," Dad said, moving away, "Get out of the ropes."

Adam stared down at his hands, feeling the stiffness of the ropes, the pressure around his wrists. He didn't move, feeling frozen in shock.

"Adam." Dad called sharply, waking him from his state "Get… out…of the… ropes," he said, drawing out each word.

Adam nodded, fighting the feelings that were threatening to overcome him. He wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or throw up, but he knew neither would be acceptable to John Winchester.

He focused hard on the ropes, ignoring how hard it was to breathe right now and all the little black spots that were beginning to cloud his vision. He looked closely for the knot that Dad had tied. He couldn't see it, so it must be on the underside of his wrists, probably just a regular square knot, he figured. He pulled against the ropes. What did Sam do? He couldn't remember. He pulled again, straining. Shit. How did Dean do this? Now his breath was coming too fast again, too shallow. The black spots in his vision were filling in and he was feeling light-headed and wobbly. He fought to stay upright, pulling hard again against the ropes begging them to break and set him free.

"Stop," Dad ordered harshly, grabbing Adam's wrists and stopping his struggle.

Adam blinked slowly, begging his mind to let some air back into his body so he didn't pass out. He didn't even see the blade, only caught a glimpse of silver before the ropes were suddenly cut and his wrists were immediately released. The feeling of freedom was so sudden and so overwhelming that Adam momentarily lost his tight hold on his body and felt himself go a little weak in the knees. Thankfully Sam was still right behind him and steadied his younger brother.

"Jesus kid," Dean whispered in awe from where he was sitting on one of the motel beds.

Adam felt himself blush deeply and jerked his arm away from Sam's gentle hold. He looked back to see Dad rubbing a hand across his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

"Ok…" he said thoughtfully, "Ok…I think we are gonna have to start slow with you Adam.

"No shit." Adam heard Sam whisper from behind him.

Over the next two weeks, Dad focused on making Adam hold ropes. Adam couldn't believe that only a few weeks ago he had worked with Dean tying all different kinds of knots on different ropes with no problem and now just holding a rope made him want to throw up. Unfortunately for him, Dad was determined to break Adam of his fear. The first day he only had to hold the rope for a minute while Dad timed him, the next day it was five minutes, then 10, then 30 and then Adam had to carry a rope around all day. He still absolutely hated the damn thing, but he had to admit that his Dad had a point. The more he dealt with the ropes again, the easier it got.

The week after holding the rope after Dad insisted that Adam tie up Dean and Sam and watch them escape. He hated it more than words could say. The nightmares that had died down with the week of just holding and working with the ropes came back with vengeance. More than once he woke up in the morning snuggled so close to Dean's back that he was practically underneath him and he would scoot away uncomfortably hoping not to wake his brother.

Sam and Dean were both extremely patient with him though and for that Adam was thankful. Dad finally left on the hunt Bobby had set up but had given strict instructions that Adam was to practice every day. While Sam wanted to let him slide and take a break from the whole exercise, Dean was adamant. Every morning before school they would do their PT and then Adam would have to tie Dean up and listen to his play by play of how to get out. Then in the afternoon he'd come back from school do weapons training, sparring and supernatural studies with breaks tie up Sam. He hated every single moment.

It did get easier though. He wasn't afraid of the rope. He began to be able to handle them again without feeling panicky or getting unwanted flashbacks. He could tie up his brothers efficiently using any kind of rope offered and became an expert with knots.

He still didn't want to be tied up though. Neither Sam nor Dean had mentioned Adam taking a turn. Not in the whole two weeks, Dad was gone. Adam knew they both sensed how difficult the entire situation had become. The only time the ropes were brought up was during training and even then both brothers stuck to observational statements about how to get free and how best to work with each type of rope and knot.

Adam knew it couldn't last forever though. He knew Dad would be home soon and the real training would start again. There was no getting away from it. Dad was determined that Adam would get over his fear and learn to escape from being tied up. He was a stubborn old man that much Adam knew was true.

When Dad returned from the hunt, Adam was dismayed to find out that hadn't gone as well as they had hoped. Dad was vague on the details, but the mood he came home in was enough to let all the Winchester boys know that, even though he'd come home in one piece, Dad considered the hunt to be a failure. An already upset Dad was not what Adam wanted when he had to take on this stupid ropes training again.

"Ok, Adam. Let's go." Dad said, holding out the familiar bristly brown rope as he stood in the middle of the motel room.

Adam was sitting in one of the motel room chairs in the tiny kitchenette, attempting to prepare himself for what he knew was coming. He glanced across the table at Sam who gave him a little encouraging nod. With a deep breath, Adam stood up and walked over to his father, feigning a confidence he didn't feel. He knew he needed to put on a brave front. He had to show Dad that he wasn't afraid, that he could control his fear.

Looking at the rope in his father's hands though, Adam felt the old panic coil in his stomach. He grit his teeth against it, determined that he wouldn't be weak and give in. Boldly, he stood in front of his father and stretched out his arms trying to channel Dean's fearlessness and Sam's stoic expression.

With one hand Dad grasped his wrist and with the other moved to begin to tie the rope. The moment the rope touched him Adam pulled away violently, snatching his wrist from his Dad's hold.

"Adam!" Dad scolded.

"Sorry! Sorry." Adam said hastily, ashamed that he had so quickly lost the little bravery he had worked so hard to develop.

Once again he put his hands out and this time Dad grabbed both his wrists tightly.

"Stay calm son," Dad said quietly, beginning to wind the rope.

Calm. Calm. Calm. Adam chanted to himself. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

The tightness in his chest was still there and the rolling of his stomach. His palms were still sweaty, his pulse still racing. So much for all that training. But he hadn't passed out yet, so that was something at least. Adam focused in on the ropes, watching his father tie, feeling the pressure against his wrists, the roughness of the rope against his skin. He grit his teeth again, trying to hold back the fear and panic that made him want to fight to get free and run away. He watched as Dad knotted the rope and let go.

"Ok, Adam. Get out of the ropes."

For a moment all Adam could do was stare at his wrists. He felt dazed. The intense focus he had on the ropes and the knot had disappeared. All that was left was an empty feeling of confusion and fear. He blinked hard trying to pull himself together.

"Adam. Focus." Dad said sharply from in front of him.

Adam hadn't even realized that Dad was still there. It felt like the world had gotten very small and all he could see were his own wrists, bound and tied together. He blinked again, feeling the blackness on the edges of his vision. Was he breathing? Breathe. Don't forget to breathe. A deep breath brought him a half second of peace, but he still couldn't move.

"Adam." Dad said again tersely "What should you do? You have to get out."

Adam nodded, feeling like his head weighed a hundred pounds. What should he do? What? He couldn't remember. Fuck. He couldn't remember. He pulled randomly at the ropes, tugging and pulling his wrists apart, but nothing happened.

"Come on, kid! You can do this!" Dean encouraged from his vantage point on one of the motel beds.

Adam could barely hear him. The whole world had faded away. It was only him and this stupid rope. He pulled harder feeling the rough rope bite at the soft skin on the inside of his wrists. He twisted again, straining and fighting harder. The panic was gaining strength inside him and Adam knew he had to get out. And get out now. He pulled harder, then again faster. He yanked and twisted, feeling his heart beat out of control and sweat drip down his back. He wrenched his wrists against the ropes, feeling tears pricking his eyes and bile building in the back of his throat.

"Stop! Stop!" yelled Dad, abruptly grabbing Adam's wrists to stop him fighting.

Adam closed his eyes, trying to hold on to the feeling of his Dad's hands on his arms, searching for comfort in the touch.

"What are you doing?!" Dad questioned angrily, "You're just making them tighter!"

With a flash of Dad's butterfly knife, the ropes were cut and Adam's arms were loose. He nearly collapsed with relief.

"Adam. Son. You have got to get ahold of yourself." Dad said forcefully.

Adam nodded, eyes downcast to the motel room carpet. "I know." He whispered.

"Dad, this is ridiculous. He's not ready." Sam said, coming to stand behind Adam.

"Sam," Dad warned, his tone clear.

"Dad!"

"Sam! Knock it off! He has to learn this!" Dad yelled.

"Why Dad! Why? You're torturing him!" Sam yelled back.

"God Dammit Sam!" Dad shouted clenching his fists in rage. Adam instinctively took a half step back from his father and watched as he took in a deep halting breath trying to control his temper.

"You boys know as well as I do how dangerous our lives are." Dad said, his calm somewhat returning, "Not only does Adam need to know how to escape, he needs to know how to control his fear. It could be the difference between life and death."

"Yeah Dad, we know." came Dean's predictable answer from across the room. Adam wanted to look behind him to see what Sam thought of Dad's response, but he didn't dare look away from his father's serious stare.

"Ok, Adam. Let's go again." Dad said with a sigh.

"Dad, I…." Adam started, feeling his palms begin to sweat again, "I actually don't feel good. Maybe we could do this another night?" he asked hopefully.

"You won't always feel good son," John replied tersely, "You could even be hurt. You have to learn to work through it."

"Yeah ok, but maybe I need to practice some more, you know?" Adam tried again, taking another small step backward.

"Adam..."

"I think that I could definitely get it with a few more days," Adam rushed on, ignoring his father's unhappy gaze.

"You've been working on this for weeks Adam," Dad said forcefully, "Come on. I know you can do it."

"Dad... I… I can't," Adam said feeling his voice quiver "I just can't."

"Adam, I've been more than patient with you. It's time to get tough. You can do this. You are going to do this. We'll do it until you get it right. I don't care how long it takes."

"No." Adam pleaded weakly, backing up again.

"You don't get to say no to me boy," Dad said, his temper rising again in frustration.

"Dad?" Dean questioned, walking towards them ready to get between his father and brother if necessary.

"Dean. We have babied him enough. It's time to sink or swim. Now get over here Adam," Dad said pointing to the spot in front of him that Adam had managed to slink away from.

Adam swallowed hard and looked at Dean for help. Suddenly Dad reached out and grabbed him roughly by the upper arm, pulling him aggressively across the few feet of space between them.

He leaned down to meet Adam's eye.

"You get in control of yourself. Remember your training. You can do this " he said.

Adam just stared back in shock.

"Arms," Dad demanded.

Again muscle memory took over and Adam found himself holding his arms out and Dad roughing twisting the rope around them. The world was tipping again, his chest tight, tears filling his eyes.

"Dad… Dad please…" Adam whimpered, "I've done everything else you've asked. Just please."

"No Adam."

"Dad!" Adam cried, trying to pull his arms away from his father's vice-like grip.

"Adam!" He said sharply, refusing to let go. "You think I want to be teaching you this stuff?! You think I like tying you up? You don't think I'd rather be teaching you how to throw a slider or change in the oil in the truck! No!" he yelled, his hold grinding together the bones in Adam's wrists.

Adam could feel the tears welling in his eyes when Dad paused. "No," he said again, visibly struggling to remain calm, "I know you don't want to do this. I don't either. But you have to. And so do I. This is our life."

"Dad…" Adam said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"No Adam," Dad said with finality, "I am done arguing about this."

Adam could no longer hold back the tears and felt them hotly roll down his cheeks as his father finished tying the knot that would restrain him. He wanted to look over at his brothers, find some sort of comforting glance that could get him through this moment, but he couldn't bring himself to look away from the blurry vision of his wrists in front of him.

"Adam," Dad said, his voice low but calm, "Just go sit on the bed. You don't have to try to get out of the ropes, just go sit."

Adam nodded and fumbled his way over to one of the motel room beds, tears distorting his vision and hot embarrassment on his cheeks. He hated that he couldn't control himself. That he was so useless and weak. Dean would never act like this. Sam would fight until the end. Adam was just too weak to be a Winchester. He wished he could disappear.

"Dad?" Dean asked in a hushed whisper as he hovered around his father like a moth to a flame, "I can work with him some more. He's still new to all this,"

Adam watched behind downcast eyes as Dad ignored Dean, sidestepping him to get out more supplies from his duffle bag.

"We've got time. I'll stay back on the hunt in Reno next week. Sam can go and I'll stay and work with Adam," Dean pressed on, trying to get Dad to look at him.

"Goddammit!" Dad shouted suddenly, throwing the duffle he was holding across the room, making Dean flinch. "Outside Dean!"

Adam's stomach dropped at the order and he looked up to see an expression of equal shock and dread on his brother's face. He watched as Dean steeled his features into a mask of non-expression and turned around throwing a sidelong glance at Sam as he walked toward the motel door.

Dad followed Dean but just before walking out looked at Sam as well, "Sam. Don't touch him," he said, jabbing a finger in Adam's direction.

Sam didn't respond, just stared back.

"Sam?" Dad demanded.

"Yes, sir." Sam ground out, his jaw set tight in an effort to hold himself back from further irritating their father.

The second the motel room door closed, Sam flew across the room. In a whirlwind of action, he grabbed the duct tape off the bed and rushed to grab Dad's discarded duffle off the floor. He scrambled and fumbled around in it until he came out with a small box, which he popped open revealing a stack of thin razor blades. Sam then reached out to his little brother pulling him up off the bed to standing.

"Sam!" Adam whisper yelled, shocked that Sam would so quickly disobey their father.

"Shut up," Sam whispered back harshly, grabbing the front of Adam's belt under his shirt. Like lightning he grabbed one of the razor blades and duct taped one side creating a safe hold. He quickly grabbed another piece of tape and pulled Adam's belt forward, taping the blade to the backside of the belt just behind the buckle. He let Adam loose and quickly grabbed another blade, spinning his brother around fast enough to make him dizzy. Adam felt more tugging on the back of his belt, just under the small of his back before he was spun around again, facing Sam once more.

"There. You've got two blades," he said in a hurried whisper, "Can you get to it?" he asked pointing to the front of Adam's pants.

Adam moved his hands down experimentally and found that yes; with some twisting, he could touch the blade that was hidden on his belt.

"And one behind," Sam said, eyeing the door where they could both hear Dad's booming tenor drilling into Dean. "Get free if you need to. Fuck what Dad says."

Sam jumped back across the room landing back where Dad left him just as the door lock clicked open. Dad strode in, eyeing Sam and Adam; seemingly suspicious that Sam had not set his brother free.

"Sam," Dad said, still distrustfully staring at his middle son, "You and Dean are gonna go out for a few hours. Give your brother some space to work."

Sam opened his mouth to protest, but Dad cut him off.

"Sam I swear to God if you say another word it will be the last thing you say today," Dad said seriously.

Sam clamped his mouth shut, settling for giving Dad a sullen scowl.

"It's ok Sammy," Dean assured him, looking poignantly at Adam. "Really."

Sam huffed and glanced back at Adam too, giving him a knowing stare. Adam understood the look Sam gave him. The look that said 'Do what you have to' but it didn't stop the sick feeling that was still sitting in his stomach. Sam's whirlwind weapons hiding trick had stunned Adam's tears into drying, but his eyes were welling again watching his brothers grab their coats. The ropes felt coarser, tighter even, as he watched them walk out the door, both turning to give him one last look of pity before they left.

"Suck it up boys," Dad said, witnessing the exchange. "He's gonna be fine."

Dean gave an embarrassed cough and put a hand on Sam's shoulder, guiding him out the door. Adam watched their coats disappear as the door slowly swung closed and clicked home in its latch.

Part 3 of this one-shot is on the way! Thank you to all who read and reviewed!