Timeline: This story takes place in June of 2001 when Adam is 13 and Sam has just turned 18 and graduated from high school. He's been accepted to Stanford, but only Adam knows of his intentions.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Adam stood up and leaned against the wobbly motel room table, peering out the window, watching as the taillights of Dad's truck and Dean's Impala faded from sight as they drove away.

Again.

"Man, I wish they'd have let me go on this one," he sighed, sitting down heavily in the tiny chair beside the table, "I could really kick some evil ghost ass about now."

From behind him Adam heard his remaining brother scoff and felt, rather than saw, the eye roll that accompanied the sound.

"What?" Adam asked, annoyed.

"Nothing," Sam replied, not glancing up from the book he was reading, comfortably sprawled out on his chosen motel bed.

"No. What?" Adam asked again, both irritated and curious about his brother was getting at.

"Nothing," Sam said again sardonically, still focused on his book.

"Just cause you have a vendetta against hunting and helping people doesn't mean I do, Sam," Adam huffed in aggravation.

That got Sam to look up, "You wanna start this again?" he asked seriously, staring Adam down with a look that was all John Winchester.

"Not really…" Adam conceded truthfully, "And anyway you started it…"

Sam gave him a sneer and another eye roll in response and turned back to his book.

The past four months had seen the two brothers doing the same song and dance anytime they were left alone: the seemingly endless discussion of why hunting was good, why hunting was bad, why Adam should give it up, why Adam would never give it up.

Sam was convinced that he could show Adam the other side, his side: the side where a normal life could be lived in peace and quiet. Where Adam could fulfill his mother's dream of being a doctor. Where Adam could save lives while keeping his own safe and sound.

Adam was convinced that Sam didn't understand; that Sam could never understand why he wanted to…no…needed to hunt. Sam would never see why Adam would willingly trade in his mother's plans for a chance to hunt down the evil things that took her from him.

In the end, neither would concede the point so they eventually stopped talking about it.

What they hadn't stopped talking about was Sam's acceptance to Stanford, which only by dumb luck did Adam even know about. Adam was sure that if he hadn't overheard Mr. Gregory congratulating Sam on his acceptance, Adam would have been just as in the dark about the good news as Sam insisted on keeping everyone else.

Sam's absolute determination to keep his college acceptance a secret from Dad and Dean completely baffled Adam. Adam figured that Dean would be over the moon with pride for his brother. Dean had witnessed the years of effort that Sam put into all his academics, working hard to keep up his outstanding grades despite changing schools over and over during the school year. Adam was learning first hand just how freaking hard that could be. Adam knew that he wasn't stupid, but it was really hard to keep jumping around in his classes. At one school he'd read Hamlet, at the next they'd just be starting the play, and at the next school they'd be teaching some completely different Shakespearean crap. And math was even worse. Adam was lucky to even get Cs on tests, nothing close to the A++ honors that Sam always achieved.

And Adam knew Dad would be proud too, despite what Sam thought. Dad wanted them to be smart. He was proud of them when they did well. He was short on compliments, yeah, but he always boasted about how quick Dean could think on his feet and how Sam could dig out small details within the research. So surely Dad would be excited for Sam and proud that he'd made the cut for such an exclusive school.

"So…," Adam said, gearing up for the next round of their usual fight.

Sam gave him a slow sidelong stare.

"When are you gonna tell 'em?" Adam asked, prodding.

Sam tilted his head to scowl at his brother.

"Hey, I'm trying to help you here," Adam said, "I know that Stanford letter is burning a hole in your pocket,"

"Shut up," Sam growled seriously.

"You should just tell them already..."

"Just cause you can't keep a secret doesn't mean I'm ready to tell them," Sam shot back, throwing back at Adam the same snarky tone he had used toward his brother just moments ago.

"Ugh," Adam groaned slumping down into the seat, "You're such a pussy."

Sam was off the bed lightening fast, grabbing the back of Adam's chair and tilting it back, throwing Adam off balance so fast he had to grab onto his older brother's forearms to keep from falling completely backward onto the floor.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" he rushed out as Sam balanced him precariously.

Sam smiled at him, "Yeah, that's what I thought," he said, pulling Adam back up and righting the chair, letting it land with a thud on the linoleum floor.

"And anyway numbnuts," Sam said, walking back to his bed and sitting down on the edge, "The dorms don't open till the last week in August."

"So?" Adam asked, still calming himself from the surprise attack.

"So, I wanna make sure I have a place to live if Dad flips out when I tell him I'm leaving,"

"He's not gonna flip out Sam," Adam said, making Sam scoff and look away, "Really. I mean why would he? It's just college."

"Not to Dad it's not Adam," Sam said shaking his head.

"Come on Sam, you don't really believe that, do you?"

Sam wished he didn't really believe it, wished he wasn't planning contingencies for what might happen when he finally grew the balls to tell his Dad his plans. He'd been thinking about it for months, ever since he'd gotten that nearly perfect score on his SATs, since he got that acceptance letter to the school he'd dreamed about. Every day he thought about what he might say, how he might tell Dad what he hoped to do and every day he pictured all the ways it could go wrong.

In his weaker moments, Sam also imagined all the ways the conversation could go right. Even with logic reminding him of the odds, he couldn't help but dream of the hug and smile that he wanted to see on his father's face when he told Dad that he'd gotten a full ride to Stanford. Although he'd never admit it, and was embarrassed when he realized it, Sam still desperately wanted his father's approval. He craved the nod and soft eyes that Dad gave Dean when his brother followed orders to the letter or nailed some crack shot against a monster.

Sam had learned a long time ago that no matter how obedient he was to his father's orders he'd never get the same reaction. Sam was never fast enough, never strong enough; never brave enough to earn the envying respect that Dean had somehow gained long before Sam was aware of it.

So Sam had set about making himself different from his family. He decided if he couldn't be the strongest, he'd be the smartest. He'd always liked reading and learning and Dean had been unintentionally pestering him about getting good grades since he was little (Dean was always far more concerned with Sam's schoolwork than he was with his own). Sam had hoped that becoming the 'smart one' would have been the way to gain his father's respect, but it had only earned him more work and more wrath when the answers didn't come fast enough for Dad's liking. But all that reading opened Sam's eyes to the world, a world that was more than just run down motel room and evil monsters. He read everything he could get his hands on, every fiction novel, every biography, poem, history book, anything. He learned about people who had overcome, people who struggled, people who lived and died and changed the world. He read medical books about trauma and mental health. He learned to examine his family and see the behaviors that were destroying them. He read books about the economy and politics. He read scientific journal essays and memoirs of thieves, spies, and scholars. Everything he read he filed away in his mind, ready to be called upon, ready to be used. Because if there was one thing he'd learned from his miserable upbringing, it was to always be ready, and Sam Winchester was gonna be ready.

"Well…Dean's gonna be proud of you," Adam said confidently, abruptly pulling Sam from his thoughts.

Sam nodded in agreement, but couldn't bring himself to look his brother in the eye.

Dean would be proud. Dean was always proud of Sam. Dean might not have understood what the 1580 on the SATs meant for Sam, but he'd have clapped him on the back and given his brother an enthusiastic "hell yeah!"

But Dean had also been brainwashed by Dad. He'd been taught to think that the world was an evil, dangerous, deadly place and the only hope of improving it lay with the Winchester's endless self-sacrifice. Dean didn't know the things Sam knew, hadn't taken the time to examine the things that Dad droned on and on about. Dean's primary source of information about the world outside hunting came from the endless hours he spent in front of the television. And in Dean's mind none of that stuff was real, not like the things Sam read in his books.

If Sam lived in fear of his father's reaction to his college declaration, the thought Dean's response brought him abject terror. Dean followed Dad's orders without question. For Dean, Dad always knew best in all things and always made the right call. If Dad were to flip out and cut Sam off from the family, Dean would think he had no choice but to go alone. Family was the most important thing in the world to Dean and if Sam's selfish act caused Dean's family to break apart, Dean might never forgive him.

The possibility of Dean hating him made Sam's blood run cold.

Years ago, when he had first decided that he'd take the chance and try to go to college he tried to make peace with the idea that his family would abandon him. Even at 14, he understood that his father didn't respect the idea of a higher education and that hunting was all he saw for his children. Sam had worked hard to push the thought of the loss out of his mind as he studied for the SATs, as he filled out applications and wrote the required essays. But now that the possibility of college was a looming actuality, he found himself faltering.

He'd thought about little else since Bobby had called with his acceptance letter. The minute he found out his mind had offered up all the different possibilities of his future. He ran a mental marathon trying to work out all the potential options: if he should go, if he should stay, could he hunt on weekends, could both his brothers come with him, or maybe just Adam, or maybe Dean would want to go to a vocational school near Stanford, or maybe Sam could go to school and hunt again when he graduated, or maybe he could hunt while in school. He exhausted himself each and every time he started to think of it.

"Hey," Adam said, drawing Sam out of his brooding thoughts, "You know I'm proud of you right? I mean…I don't know much about college but I'm pretty sure Stanford is one of the big ones…Ivy League or something,"

Sam smiled at his younger brother, "Not Ivy League, but thanks."

"Really though," Adam continued, "I think its awesome. I've seen Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds. I think college looks awesome."

Sam laughed, "I don't think Stanford is gonna be like that," he chuckled.

"Are you sure? Cause then I know Dean would be excited for you. He'd probably go too," Adam said with a smirk.

Sam smiled but didn't respond.

"You should tell him, Sam," Adam said somberly, becoming serious again.

"I'm not gonna tell them, Adam," Sam said earnestly, "And you better not either,"

Adam rolled his eyes in a perfect imitation of his brother, "Jeez, I've kept the secret this long Sam, give me a little credit,"

"Yeah…well…thanks," Sam said begrudgingly, running his hand through his hair in a self-soothing motion, "Sorry to put that on you,"

Adam shrugged, "It's fine. So two more months then, huh?"

Sam took a deep breath and nodded, "Yeah."

"Well no matter what Dad and Dean think, or if they freak out or not, I don't care. It's just stupid college,"

Sam huffed out a short laugh, "Stupid college? So much for Ivy League..."

"Yeah well," Adam said rolling his eyes.

"What about you?" Sam asked suddenly, studying his little brother.

"What about me?" Adam asked, confused.

"You said you were gonna run away when I left…"

"Oh yeah…that…" Adam replied quietly.

Adam wasn't about to admit that he'd overreacted when he found out about Sam's acceptance to Stanford. He'd run away from his brothers that day and it was only Sam's gentle prodding and promises that got him to come back to the motel.

"Well…" Adam started with a sigh, "I still kinda want to. I mean…I just don't wanna hang around and be a dead weight for Dean. I know he wants to hunt and I don't wanna be here holding him back. That's just not fair,"

Sam listened carefully, nodding.

"And I know you said I could try going to Bobby's and that he'd probably let me stay there and finish school,"

"I know he would Adam," Sam supplied.

"Yeah, well…would Dad though?" Adam asked.

Sam sighed deeply but didn't respond.

"Yeah…." Adam said, understanding his brother's unspoken response, turning to stare out the window, "And if everything really does go as bad as you think it's going to when you finally do tell them…you big chicken," he said, glancing back at Sam with a grin, "…then me running away would be a really bad idea. Dad would find me just to kill me,"

Sam chuckled a little despite himself, "Yeah, he probably would. If Dean didn't get to you first."

"Fucking true," Adam said, nodding emphatically.

They were both quiet for a moment, lost in their own thoughts of the future until Adam broke the silence.

"So you'll still, like, keep in touch right?" Adam asked suddenly, wondering if Sam's doom and gloom view of his leaving for school could really destroy their relationship.

"I'd like to," Sam offered tentatively, "I'm afraid leaving is gonna burn some bridges, but yeah,"

"You'll keep your phone?" Adam asked.

"I'll try. It's under one of Dad's fake card though so I don't know how long that will last, but the school gives every student an email address and I'll still have my old email account too,"

"Oh ok," Adam said, trying to picture only talking to his brother through email.

"And I'll eventually get a new phone and I'll give you that number,"

"Ok…" Adam said, "You've really thought all this out, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess I like to be prepared," Sam admitted.

"So you've got a plan on how to get to school if Dad doesn't drop you off? How you'll get money and stuff?" Adam asked, watching his brother's walls come up as he asked the question.

"Yeah I've got plans," Sam confirmed curtly.

Adam knew his brother wouldn't elaborate on his very guarded answer. It didn't matter that Adam had been keeping his brother's most important secret for months, Adam had learned that Sam, just like their father, had to have his secrets to feel safe and in control.

"It'll be fun to come visit you at school," Adam said, trying to change the subject and brighten Sam's mood, "I bet there are tons of cute girls in California,"

A half-hearted chuckle and a wry smile from his brother and Adam knew he'd said the right thing.

"Yeah," Sam agreed with a smile, "It'll be cool,"

"I wonder if you'll have a roommate in the dorm," Adam continued, trying to visualize what college might be like for Sam, trying to remember all things he'd seen on tv about college life, "Or what if you get your own room? Man! That would be awesome,"

Sam looked away and nodded and Adam could see his brother's mind spinning.

"Yeah, that'd be crazy. I never…" he started, then stopped, "I never really had my own space. I wouldn't even know what to do," he said quietly, staring off distantly.

Adam was quiet across the room watching his brother. It had never really occurred to him that Sam had never had his own room or a space that was just his. But then again, since coming to live with the Winchesters, Adam had never been given his own room either. It was a tough adjustment, in the beginning, coming from being an only child with his own bedroom and own ways of doing things, having to learn how to survive being surrounded by family 24/7.

"You never had your own room?" Adam asked curiously. "Like never?"

Sam shrugged indifferently, "There have been a few times," he explained, "Once when Dad rented a house there were three rooms and I got to have one. I think I was like 8 maybe? But no, not really, even when we stayed in long-term rentals or whatever, it was usually only two rooms cause it was cheaper, so me and Dean always shared. And we always share at Pastor Jim's and Bobby's too,"

Adam noticed the uneasy look growing on his brother's face. Could his kick-ass, grown-ass, badass hunter of a brother really be getting scared of being alone? No way.

But it did sorta make sense. Sam had said before that he'd never really had a home. That Dad had fled their family home after the fire happened when Sam was a baby and Sam had grown up on the road, bouncing from motel room to motel room, with brief stays with Dad's few trustworthy friends. Adam tried to imagine what that must have been like for Sam, but he couldn't. Adam had grown up in the same house his entire life. He'd had the same room since he was a baby. His mother's room was right across the hall. Sam had none of that. Not a room, not a bed, not even the same blanket. No wonder he wanted to go away to school and find some normal for a little while.

"Well…" Adam said, trying to catch Sam's eye, "As a former only child, let me tell you it's awesome."

The lightness in Adam's tone caused Sam to look up with a weak smile, one that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"But," Adam continued, hoping to comfort his brother, "I don't think they let freshman have single rooms. You might even have a bunch of roommates...like when all the Saved by the Bell kids went to college they had this awesome suite, with like a kitchen in the middle and couches and they all lived together. It was so cool,"

"When did you watch that?" Sam asked with a chuckle.

"I don't know," Adam said shaking his head, "Dean was watching it."

Sam smiled and rolled his eyes, huffing out a sigh, "Gonna be weird no matter what I'm sure,"

"Gonna be awesome Sam," Adam said, nodding, "Really awesome."

-/-/-/-/-/

A/N- Thank you, readers, for taking the time for this story and for any reviews you leave! I appreciate it!