Chapter 41.2

'About a Girl' –part 2

/-/-/-/-/

Adam didn't see her again over the weekend, but pretty much did nothing else but think about her. By the time Monday morning rolled around, he was crawling out of his skin to get to her and get some questions answered.

"'manda!" he called out when he spotted her in the school hallway Monday morning before homeroom.

She spun when she heard his call and turned around, hurrying toward him.

"Hey!" she said with a smile.

"Hey," he said, returning the smile despite himself. He'd wanted to be serious with her. As focused and determined as Sam would have been to get some direct answers from her. But then she smiled at him, in that sweet way, and Adam could barely get out the words he'd planned to say.

"Do you…"

"Yeah, let's go." She replied, cutting him off and taking him by the hand to lead him down the hallway and back toward the front doors of the school.

She must have already known that Adam was going to ask her to ditch classes with him today. He'd planned to ask her and pray she'd say yes so he could get the answers he so desperately needed without having to sneak away from Dean or come up with some excuse to see her after school.

She quickly led him out the school doors and back around the backside of the building. They crossed the senior parking lot and headed down and around the football field before suddenly arriving at an almost unnoticeable little bench, hidden in the tree line.

"It an old memorial," she said, answering the question he hadn't asked, "from the 1970s I think. Pretty sad, some kid died in a drunk driving accident and his parents put up this memorial thing for him,"

"Oh."

It was all Adam could say as looked down at the stone bench, covered in leaves, green moss growing up around the legs.

"His parents died in like 1992..." she continued, doing what she always did, giving Adam more information that he didn't need, "This whole thing just got forgotten I guess. Pretty sad, but it's still a nice place to sit and be alone for a while,"

Adam reached down to wipe away some of the leaves, reading the name inscribed on the bench.

"And don't worry they aren't haunting anyone that we know of," she joked.

Adam frowned at her.

"You look just like Sam when you do that," she said.

Adam shifted uncomfortably at the mention of his brother's name, an involuntary habit he hadn't realized he'd developed. Sam was so rarely spoken about in their family now that it was almost as if he didn't exist. Dad only occasionally mentioned him and it was always disparagingly as "your brother" never "Sam". And Dean, in his very Dean way, just seemed to push every thought or possible mention of Sam away.

Adam sat down heavily on the bench and didn't move when Amanda sat down close beside him, their legs touching.

"So, what do you wanna know?" she asked.

"You tell me," he said, trying to joke and lighten the mood, but his tone falling flat, "You saw me asking you to ditch school?"

"Yeah, I did," she admitted. "I saw you asking and me taking you here. I saw us sitting and talking and eventually eating lunch,"

"What do we talk about?" Adam asked, curious about the details of what she knew.

"I don't know actually," she said, "It was just a vision, no sounds. Like watching tv on mute. And it wasn't a very long one…like I don't know what we do after we finish talking here,"

"Oh," Adam said.

"Not the answer you wanted?" she asked.

Adam was quiet for a second, trying to organize his thoughts.

"No…it's not that...I don't think I was expecting anything. It's just strange to be told all this stuff. Still trying to wrap my head around it I guess,"

"You know a lot of people go to psychics to find this stuff out…and you're getting it all for free," she smiled at him.

Adam returned the smile, "Yeah I guess….so...uh...you said you haven't seen everything about me. What have you seen?"

"Umm…well...stuff like you riding in the car with your brothers, some of the hunts you've been on and woah...those are scary. Please remind me to never be a hunter,"

Adam laughed softly at her, "What else?"

"Umm…some not great stuff…" she said hesitating, "Like how tough your Dad can be, how much he demands from you, how awful Dean first treated you…how sad it was when Sam left…"

'Oh…wow…" Adam said apprehensively.

"Yeah, but like I said its not everything," she hurried, "It's like scenes kinda…like if you started watching a tv show in the middle and you know the characters but you don't really know the plot, sometimes I can catch up and figure out what's going on, but other times I've got no clue what happened,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, like...um...there was this one time your Dad was tying you up with ropes. It was so strange...I figured it was some kinda training cause I'd seen that before, but this was different. You looked so scared and sick and you never looked that way before. I hated it,"

Memories of the weeks-long ropes training with Dad flooded back and Adam shook his head at the unpleasant memory, "Yeah, I remember that. Dad was determined."

They were quiet for a few moments and Adam could feel Amanda's brain spinning beside him, trying to come up with a way to fill the silence.

"Remember when…"

"You see the future too right?" he said, cutting her off from forcing him to relive any more memories.

"Yeah."

"So what have you seen about me? About my family?" he asked, turning to stare at her.

"They only come one at a time you know? So last week I saw you coming to the party and that your Dad's hunting trip was gonna run long…umm…recently I've only seen you talking to Sam on the phone. I couldn't hear what you said, but I saw his name on the screen,"

"Hmm..." Adam mumbled, thinking.

He'd been considering calling Sam. Thought about it all weekend actually. Adam wanted to get his brother's take on this whole psychic thing. He'd thought about talking to Dean about it, but Dean sometimes overreacted and Adam thought it might be best to go to Sam first. Especially since Sam wasn't on speaking terms with anyone else in the family Adam's little secret psychic could stay secret if she needed to.

"Have you seen further?" he asked, curious on just how much she could predict.

"Not yet," she admitted a little disappointed, "I'm working on it. Practicing, I mean. I'm trying to get better and allow the visions to come to me. My mom says I'm too scared and not accepting them."

"Does she know that you're seeing my life? Cause that would make anyone scared," Adam replied jokingly.

Amanda laughed lightly, "I've told her about you. I had to. Especially back when it first started happening, it was terrifying."

"Yeah," Adam agreed in an almost whisper, flashes of memories flickering through his mind.

"So," he said taking a breath and getting back his composure, "Did you say it's different for everyone? Like how they see things?

"Yeah," she nodded, clearly grateful to be moving on to a lighter subject, "My whole family is psychic, has been forever, but yeah it's different. My dad only sees big events, like community or worldwide events, nothing on a personal level. My mom's visions change all the time, she said they are based on people's decisions, so they may or may not happen, which if you ask me isn't very helpful," Amanda continued, settling into her familiar rambling, "I've got a cousin who can predict trends and stuff, she said that phones are gonna be more like computers pretty soon, with music and videos on them…"

"Huh...that's cool," Adam said.

"I think I'm the only one I know that's linked to a single person though,"

"Yeah, sorry about that," Adam said sadly, "Wish you could have gotten someone better,"

"Quit it, Adam," She said, punching him lightly in the leg, "Your life scares the crap out me most of the time, but…well, it sure beats watching some dude in an office staring at a computer all day. Besides, I like seeing all the stuff with you and your brothers...I don't have any siblings…and sometimes…it just seems…I don't know...nice,"

"I guess you didn't see when they held me down and spit on my face then, huh?" Adam joked.

Amanda laughed, "No! I can't believe I missed that!"

"Well, I guess you need to practice 'accepting the visions…." Adam teased in a high-pitched voice.

Amanda laughed again, shoving him.

Adam smiled back and felt his heart tug when she grabbed his hand tightly.

"It all still freaks me out," he said, sighing.

"I know. That's ok," she said, laying her head on his shoulder, "Talk to your brother. He'll know what to do,"

Adam nodded. Yeah, Sam would know.

"Hey," he said looking down at her, "You know everything about me, why don't you tell me about you. I think it's only fair,"

Amanda shrugged, "Yeah I guess so," she said, before starting the hours-long rambling stories that would take them through lunch and into the early afternoon.

/-/-/-/-/-

Adam stared at the phone in his hands, nervously flipping it open and closed. He needed to call Sam. He needed to get his brother's take on this, but damn if he could figure out how to start the conversation.

At least Adam had some time to think. Dean was out for the night, trying his luck at the Dew Drop Lounge, the local watering hole that he'd told Adam had the best looking chicks. Adam was salted and sigiled in the motel room, with strict orders not to leave unless he wanted Dean to kick his ass into the next state. For once, Adam didn't mind being left alone. He needed some time to think and more importantly time to call Sam, something he couldn't do with Dean around.

While Sam and Dean's relationship had snapped under the tension of Sam's departure for college, Adam and Sam's relationship withheld. Adam felt awkward about it since Dean and Sam were more whole together than apart, but still, he didn't wanna lose his brother over something so dumb as college. So Adam kept Sam's number and got his new school email address and kept in touch. It wasn't every day or even every week, but Adam would check in with Sam, mostly telling him about school and girls and stuff, since Sam declared he didn't wanna know anything about hunting they might be doing. Adam was fairly certain that Dean knew that Adam still talked to his brother, although he never said anything.

As Adam stared into the phone, flipping it open for the 50th time, he considered what he might say to his brother…

'So there's this girl, this cute girl, who knows everything about me…'

'So there's a girl in town who is psychically linked to me,'

"Ugh" Adam groaned, sitting down on the motel bed.

Quit being a baby and just call him, Adam thought, pressing down on the number 3-speed dial before he could talk himself out of it again.

It only took two rings before Adam heard the warm, familiar voice that made his heartache.

"Adam."

"Hey Sam," Adam replied, pressing the phone into his ear as if it would bring him closer to his brother.

"You ok?" Sam asked, underlying panic lacing his voice.

"Yeah, I'm ok,"

"Dean? Dad?" Sam rushed on, still nervous.

"They're good. They're good...Sorry." Adam responded quickly, feeling guilty for making Sam panic.

"No! It's ok, it's just you don't usually call," Sam replied, calming down.

True enough. Adam didn't think he'd actually called Sam once since he'd left for school. He relied more on short text messages and longer emails to keep up with his brother.

"Yeah, sorry," Adam replied, "I just wanted to talk to you about something and it was too long and confusing to email,"

"Ok," Sam replied in his calm and open way, reminding Adam just how much he had missed the nurturing balance Sam provided in their little family.

"Well, umm..." Adam started, struggling to find the words to explain the situation to his brother, "Uh…well...we're in Kentucky and uh… I started school here last week and I uh...I met this girl…"

"A girl? Nice," Sam replied cheerfully.

"Yeah, uh, she is nice..." Adam continued, his voice shaking a little, fearful of what Sam's reaction might be to the next part of his story, "Yeah…um, well…"

"I know you aren't calling me for advice about girls, not unless Dean is in a coma or something," Sam teased.

"Yeah, no. It's not that. I can figure that part out," Adam said, standing up and beginning to pace the room.

"So….?" Sam asked, urging his little brother to hurry up and spit it out already.

"Well... she sorta saw me coming," Adam said, wincing with the ambiguity of his words.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, becoming more serious.

Here we go, Adam thought.

"She's psychic," he said in a breathless rush, "She's been linked to me for years. Seen all sorts of stuff about me. About us. She saw me coming to Kentucky, saw us hanging out. She said her parents didn't want her to tell me about her visions but she did anyway,"

"Oh. Wow," Sam said slowly.

"Yeah…" Adam replied, picking at the fraying hem of his t-shirt, "So…yeah…"

"That's pretty crazy," Sam said, and Adam could picture him nodding his head in his very Sam way, taking in his brother's words and processing them before replying. Almost the polar opposite of Dean, Dean never thought, only felt, and he always let Adam know immediately how he felt about anything and everything.

"I just…I just don't know what to think about it I guess," Adam said, sitting down on the bed.

"Yeah it's a lot," Sam replied carefully.

"She said that her powers or whatever aren't bad, that she's nothing Dad would make us hunt," Adam said quietly, wishing Sam would say more, tell him what to think and how to handle this mess.

"Yeah, no. I don't think psychics fall into the category of monsters and 'things that need killing', but you're sure she's just psychic not a shifter or anything?" Sam asked.

"Pretty sure. I mean didn't test her or anything, but we talked for forever and all the things she knew, it was just stuff she couldn't have known any other way then if she'd seen it. It was pretty freaky." Adam explained.

"Uh-huh," Sam said, guardedly.

"So…I just...I just don't know what to do. Should I tell Dad? Or Dean? Would they even care? Or would they be mad? She doesn't seem evil or anything. Just like a normal person. I mean a normal person who sees the future, but like normal."

"Well..." Sam said debating, "She's nice? Right? Is she just being friendly and telling you all this stuff?"

"Well no," Adam said, feeling a blush rise on his cheeks, "I mean she is friendly, but I think she might kinda like me too. She said it feels like she's known me for years,"

"You kissed her yet?" Sam asked and Adam could hear his smirk through the phone.

"Yeah, we made out some," he replied, feeling a little proud and smug.

"Anything else?"

"Not yet," Adam admitted.

"Just be careful, ok?" Sam said.

"Yeah, yeah I know. No glove, no love," Adam replied with an eye roll, parroting Dean's words.

Sam laughed, "Yeah, but not just that. You just met this girl Adam. She might know you, but you don't really know her. You just need to be careful that she's not using you."

"Using me?" Adam asked in surprise.

"I'm not saying that's what's happening, but you know how Winchester luck goes, so just be careful,"

"You don't think…you don't think she really likes me?" Adam asked, his voice sounding weak and pathetic enough to make him hate himself.

"No!" Sam cried, "I didn't mean that! I'm sure she is interested in you; you're a great guy. I'm just saying that with her being linked to you, even if she isn't using you or doing anything bad…someone could use her to get to you. It just could end up being dangerous for both of you if you aren't careful,"

"Well, how can we be careful? I don't want her to get hurt because of me," Adam said, his mind briefly flashing to his mother and father's relationship.

"Well for starters don't tell Dad," Sam replied, "And probably don't tell Dean either. Like she said, as far I know psychics aren't hunted, but I think you'd be better off to leave them out of this one,"

"You don't think Dean would understand?" Adam asked, really not liking the idea of having to keep Amanda a secret.

"He might. But he might not, and if he doesn't understand he's gonna pull rank and tell Dad and you'll never see her again,"

"Really? Dad would make me leave? Just like that?"

"I wouldn't put it past him. Everything is a threat to Dad, Adam."

"But she could be really helpful?" Adam asked hopefully.

"Or a big liability when some evil SOB wants to track down Dad and realizes she can do that," Sam retorted.

"Oh."

"Sorry Adam," Sam said, "I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I'm just thinking through all the angles,"

"Yeah. No, I get it," Adam replied, absently pulling threads from the motel bed.

"But look, keeping her a secret doesn't mean you can't tell Dean about her, just leave off the psychic part. Dean will be all about you getting some action. He'll be so proud to be raising another man-whore," Sam teased.

Adam chuckled, "Yeah I guess that's true. So what, just hang out with her and that's it?"

"Well...I mean yeah," Sam said nonchalantly, "It sounds like you really like her. So why not just hang with her? Just keep your eyes open for any threats and keep her visions on stuff on the DL unless for some reason some threat or something comes up where you need to tell Dad."

"And what about when we leave?" Adam asked, "She already told me that Dad's hunt is gonna take longer than he planned, but we are still gonna leave,"

"Well..." Sam replied, considering, "She's the one with the visions right? Why not ask her?"

Adam groaned. "So helpful. Thanks."

Sam laughed, "What are big brothers for right?"

They talked for another few minutes, moving on to lighter topics like Sam's classes and the Stanford student cafeteria, which sounded to Adam like a high-class all you can eat buffet. Soon Adam heard Sam's named being called in the background and he knew he had to let his brother off the phone.

"I gotta go bud," Sam said softly, regret in his voice.

"I know."

"You call anytime ok?" Sam said reassuringly.

"Yeah. Yeah," Adam said, feeling himself getting a little choked up, wishing the call didn't have to end, "Miss you, Sam."

"Miss you too bro,"

Adam heard the break in his brother's voice, the little waver that no one else would have noticed, and broke his heart.

Adam yanked the phone away from his ear and slammed it shut, clenching it in his fist. With unsteady, shuddering breathes, he swallowed hard and buried away the ache of longing that never seemed to leave him.

/-/-/-/

The next few days passed pretty uneventfully. After some negotiation with Dean, and being given some (unwanted) tips about dealing with the fairer sex, Adam was allowed to hang out with Amanda after school and over the weekend.

He wasn't surprised that he enjoyed every minute they were together. She already knew so much about him, it was as if they had skipped over the awkward 'get to know you stage of dating' and gone right into comfortable boyfriend/girlfriend mode. They were able to sit happily in silence watching a movie, slumped down into her parent's couch, his arm around her shoulder and her entire body snuggled up against him. It was the most secure and calm that Adam had felt in a very long time.

Although not telling Dean Amanda's little secret was constantly eating at him. Sam might have been able to keep a secret from his brother for months on end, but it was becoming torture for Adam. Especially since all Dean wanted to talk about was Adam's new girlfriend and how close his brother might be to getting his v-card punched.

As if that topic wasn't cringe-inducing enough, everything Adam wanted to tell Dean was stunted by Amanda's secret. He'd catch himself telling a story about her and trip over the parts where she'd mentioned something about hunting or about Sam. He'd be proudly telling Dean about making it to second base and have to stop himself from telling his brother about the knowing smile she'd given him when he showed up at her house that afternoon because she already knew the fun they were going to have.

It was completely frustrating.

Dean would have appreciated her adorable smirk. Adam knew he would.

On the way home after Dean picked him up from Amanda's house one afternoon, Adam decided he should at least test the waters with Dean. Maybe Sam was wrong, maybe Dean would understand and be ok with Adam's relationship with the psychic girl.

"So…uh Dean?" Adam asked, clearing his throat simultaneously to get his brother's attention and rally his confidence "Things are going pretty well with Amanda…"

"Yeah dude, I know." Dean replied, not taking his eyes off the road, "She's asked you over every afternoon this week. You must be doing something right,"

"Yeah…I think so," Adam said, starting to fiddle with the zipper on his jacket.

"What?" Dean said, noticing his little brother's unease, "You nervous or something? It's no big deal. Everyone has a first time. Its ok if you aren't great at it. I mean I was..." he said with a playful smirk.

Adam rolled his eyes and shook his head at the typical Dean response.

"It's not that," he said slowly, considering his words, "I was just thinking that I might tell her…"

"Tell her what?" Dean asked in confusion.

"You know…tell her...about what we do…" Adam said emphatically.

"What?" Dean asked shocked, turning to gape at his brother, "No!"

"Come on, Dean. Really? You never told anyone? Never?" Adam asked, keeping his eyes trained on his brother, searching for any sign of a truth Dean might try to hide.

"No!" Dean yelled back at him.

"Really?"

"Yeah really," Dean said forcefully, finally turning back to the road.

"Why?" Adam asked seriously.

"Well, for one thing, Dad's orders are pretty clear…"

"Really Dean? Orders?" Adam interrupted snidely.

"Well yeah…" Dean replied, not looking at him, "and…"

"And what?" Adam pressed, desperate to know his brother's true feelings. If Dean could tell someone their secret, could see that Dad's rules did have room to bend then maybe he could see that Amanda was ok and that Dad didn't know everything and didn't need to know about her.

"And…I don't know," he said unhappily, "I just…I guess I don't really wanna unload that on somebody, you know? Maybe sometimes it's better not to know the truth,"

"Oh," Adam replied slowly.

So…kindness? Dean really kept the secret from every other person in his life out of kindness to them? For as rough and tumble of an asshole as his brother could be, Dean continued to surprise Adam with the depth of his heart, even for strangers and people he'd never met.

"But…what if she's different?" Adam asked, hedging his bets and pushing forward, "I think she's different Dean,"

"She's not different dude, she's just not," Dean replied with a sigh.

"Yeah, but…"

"Kid, look, say you do tell her. Then what? On the one in a million chance she doesn't run screaming from you, then what? You've just opened her eyes to a world of nightmares. You think she deserves that? If you really care about her you won't do that, just enjoying being with her. That's enough,"

Adam was quiet for a minute, soaking in his brother's words. Dean wasn't touchy-feely like Sam and Adam recognized how meaningful it was for his brother to come out and say something so solemn and thoughtful.

"I guess I just wanna be honest with her," Adam said quietly, trying one last time.

"You can be honest with her in a million ways without telling her that," Dean replied.

"Would you ever tell anyone?" Adam asked curiously, "Like maybe if they already knew about some of the bad stuff? Like some of the bystanders and victims we see?"

Dean was quiet for a second before answering, "Well, it's not Men in Black kid, we can't just flash the light at them and make them forget what they saw. So if they've seen the bad and know I'm a hunter, then yeah, I mean I can't take it back. It's just not something I would openly tell anyone."

"But anyone I cared about?" Dean continued on, "I'd try to keep them as far away from this world of crap as possible. You know how Dad's always talking about how hunters can't have connections, how connections are a weakness? Well, he ain't wrong,"

"I think that's crap," Adam snarled suddenly, "And Sam did too."

Dean cut his eyes across the car at Adam at the mention of their brother's name.

"Dad got to have connections, got to have my mom and yours. What? We don't even get to try?" Adam cried.

"Yeah and look what happened!" Dean yelled back.

"But what about that whole 'better to have loved and lost thing'…" Adam questioned indignantly.

"Sam told you that, huh?" Dean asked irritably. "Well, you loved your mom right? And lost her. How's that feel?"

Dean's words were a punch, right in the gut, making Adam's stomach clench and twist in agony and anger. Goddammit, Dean could go for the jugular when he wanted to.

"Fuck you." Adam growled.

Dean seemed to suddenly realize the atrocity of his words and pulled back.

"Hey...sorry. I didn't mean that," he said, glancing at Adam, his eyes filled with remorse, "You can punch me in the face later if you want,"

"Yeah I will," Adam snarled at him, still pissed at his brother but knowing that Dean's emotions sometimes got the best of him and he didn't always mean what he said.

"Look," Dean said, clenching and unclenching his fists against the steering wheel, "All I'm saying is don't tell this girl you're a hunter. Enjoy being with her and then move on, for her sake and yours."

"Yeah… ok," Adam said, turning to stare out the window, watching as the hilly Kentucky landscape slid past, wishing their conversation had gone differently.

/-/-/-/-

Adam spent the rest of the evening in bad mood, irritated with his family and their life in general. Sam was right. Winchesters are cursed. It would have been better if Adam had never met Amanda at all, but now all he could think about was how much she was at risk by being linked to him.

Both his brothers were right and they'd both basically told him the same thing: save this girl, keep her out of your life.

It tortured Adam to know that the one person who was truly connected to him, who cared about him in so many different ways, was someone he would have to abandon. He could never love her the way that he would want to, never be with her in any real sense. Sure they were only 16, but Adam really did care about her, probably even love her. Their connection had to be destined or something. There was no other explanation for it.

And yet… Adam could see that his brothers were right. He'd have to cut her out of his life. He could never take away her visions of him, but he could hope that by staying out of her life that in time they would fade and that no evil beast would ever discover her link to him. He'd pray that no one would ever use her as he had been used: as a tool of revenge in a monster's retaliation for a lover lost.

It was the only way he could possibly protect her.

Thoughts drifted around his mind, pushing and pulling his emotions, eventually leading him to think of his own parents. His father no doubt knew and understood the Winchester brand of luck by the time he met Adam's mother. He was certainly aware of the monsters that lurked in the world. And yet…he didn't abandon them, didn't disappear as he could have. Did he not know? Did he not believe that staying away meant keeping them safe? Would his mother have survived if Dad had left and never returned? Or did he know and risk them anyway? Was he too weak to walk away? The spinning, unanswerable questions made Adam sick to his stomach.

Hours after Dean had gone out, looking for a night of fun from the Dew Drop Lounge, Adam found himself laying on the motel bed trying to ignore his racing thoughts and watch television when his phone buzzed beside him. He grabbed it and flipped it open as her name popped up on the screen.

"Amanda?" he said.

There was no response, only muffled sounds in the background.

"Amanda? Are you ok?" he said anxiously, terrible images of ghouls and beasts tormenting her instantly appearing in his head, "Amanda?"

"Adam," she sobbed out.

"Are you ok? Are you hurt? Is something there?" he asked, panic rising in his chest.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," she sobbed again, hiccupping into the phone.

Adam sighed deeply, both relieved and miserable. So she'd seen it. Already.

"Your Dad's on the way home now," she said sniffing, her voice still thick with tears, "You'll leave tomorrow. I thought we'd have more time," she said angrily. "I wanted more time,"

"I'm so sorry," he mumbled, rolling over to look up at the stained motel room ceiling.

"I don't want you to cut me out. I don't," she pled and Adam knew she'd already seen him implementing his plan; he could picture the tears streaming down her face on the other end of the call.

"You know why I have to, you've seen it. You know how bad it could be," Adam replied sadly.

"I wanna tell you to sneak out and come over here," she said, sniffling again, "But you won't...you shouldn't…your Dad is too close. There isn't enough time,"

Adam was silent, feeling tears of his own starting to build behind his eyes.

Why couldn't he have this? This one thing. Why was it so much to ask?

"I actually didn't see this coming," she said, forcing a laugh, which only made her cry again.

"Amanda…" Adam said, "I don't want this either. I don't,"

"I know. I know you don't. I know you're doing what is right. Right for me, I guess. But I don't like it. I don't want to be kept safe if it means being away from you. I could help you. I should help you. That's what I'm meant to do!"

"Amanda. No," Adam said, "It's not worth the risk. I'm not worth the risk. You could be killed. You saw what happened to my mom, I could never let that happen to you. I could never live with myself if it did,"

"Oh Adam," she said, crying into the phone, "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry Amanda. You didn't deserve this. You deserve better…better than me," Adam whispered into the phone.

"Shut up Adam," she whispered back, choking on her words and Adam could tell she was trying to be playful but falling desperately short, "I hate this. It doesn't feel right,"

"I know. I know," was all he could think to say.

Maybe he could talk to Dad, convince him to stay in town a little longer. Maybe they didn't have another case lined up and they could stay, just a little longer. Maybe they could have more time.

"Your Dad's not gonna let you stay," she said.

"What you read minds now too?" Adam asked playfully, his voice cracking.

She gave another half laugh, "No. Is that what you were thinking about?"

"Yeah."

"I saw you talking to him, when he gets back, asking about the next case and if you could stay in town," she explained, "He's not gonna go for it. There's a new potential case in Ohio that your friend Jim told him about. I guess your Dad is the closest hunter available,"

"Oh."

"Yeah," she replied quietly.

They sat in silence for a moment. Adam tried to think of something to say, something that wasn't goodbye. He knew Amanda wouldn't be able to let the silence linger very long.

"We could at least e-mail…" she offered.

Adam sighed.

He didn't want to let her go. She could be the best thing he'd ever have. She could help or even save his entire family.

But she'd also risk losing her own life, everything she loved.

Adam had loved. Had lost. He never knowingly do that to another person.

"No," he said, with a finality he didn't really feel, "Amanda, no. Unless its life or death, you can't contact me. Hell, even then you should probably email Sam first. He's the one with the most access to a computer these days,"

Just be a man, he reminded himself. Get tough.

"This is for the best," he said listening to her sobbing growing louder on the other side of the phone, "I…I love you. It's been like ten days, but I do. I will. I'll never forget you,"

He swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat, "Thank you for being you. Thank you for being amazing. Please be careful. Just be safe. Don't tell anyone about me or my family. Try to forget us if you can,"

"Adam…." She cried.

"I'm serious Amanda," he said swallowing again and breathing heavily, trying to push past his own pain, "Don't look for me. Don't think about me. It's the only way you…you and your family can be safe,"

The other end of the line was silent and it took a moment to for Adam to realize that although Amanda was still there, she'd covered up the speaker on her side, trying to hide her weeping.

He heard the sound of her hand coming off the speaker and her taking a shaky breath before speaking.

"Ok. Ok, Adam. OK," she said brokenly.

"Ok," he replied, feeling just as shattered as she sounded.

"Breakups suck, huh?" she said and he could hear the sorrow in her voice.

"Yeah." He agreed, not knowing what else to say.

"Ok," she said again, before taking a deep breath, "Goodbye Adam."

"Bye 'manda," he choked out through gritted teeth, trying to hold in all the pain and despair that was fighting to escape.

As the other end of the line went dead, Adam pulled the phone away from his ear and looked down at it for a moment in a daze.

A sudden rush of rage overtook him and he sat up on the bed and flung the phone as hard as he could, bouncing it off the thin bathroom door. He jumped up hatred, anger, and misery all chasing him and spun around the room desperate for something to kick, hurt or kill.

Unaware of his own movements he picked up the mattress and flipped it, sending bedding and pillows flying across the room. In a single sweeping motion, he knocked the room's the old television off its stand, causing a crash that echoed around the room. The lamp was next, shattering the bulb and breaking the shade.

It was the pain of his fist through the drywall that finally slowed Adam down. Looking down at his clenched fist, the sob in his chest broke free and he cradled his injured hand, standing numbly in the wrecked motel room.

He wanted to collapse on the floor as the tears flooded him.

He wanted to fall apart, to let himself go and give in to the misery.

He wanted to.

But he didn't.

Instead, he thought of Sam, who would give him a hug and remind him that the cost of keeping her safe was worth the price of never seeing her again. He thought of Dean, who would clap him on the back and tell him 'there's more fish in the sea' or some stupid bullshit like that.

With a deep, shaky sigh he bent down and picked the lamp up off the floor, placing it back on the bedside table and gently putting the shade back on. He pushed the mattress back in place and picked up all the discarded pillows and blankets. He righted the overturned television cart and set the now very broken tv back on it. He grabbed his backpack and slowly began to fill it with his few belongings.

When he was done he grabbed his coat and his bag and went outside to sit and wait for Dad and Dean and the next big bad.

/-/-/-/-

A/N- Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews! And thanks for sticking with this story as I try new things out! I'm done with OCs now and plan to get back to more bro-angst :)