Visiting Sam

Timeline- This story takes place in April 2004. Sam has been away at school for 2 years. Adam is 16 years old and still on the road with Dad and Dean, hunting, researching, training and going to school.

-/-

This place was unreal.

Like literally. How was this a real place? How was it all so perfect and so beautiful?

Big, beautiful stone buildings. Perfectly manicured grass and blooming flowerbeds under bright green trees. Perfect sun shining brightly overhead. Small fluffy white clouds dotting a calm blue sky. A soft, warm breeze bringing the clean scent of fresh air all around.

Adam couldn't remember ever being in a place that looked this perfect.

How was Sam living here?

The Stanford campus was like something out of a dream.

Adam wandered around for more than an hour just soaking up the beautiful, perfect place trying to imagine what his brother's life here might be like. Was Sam one of these perfect people with their polo shirts and khaki shorts? Their boat shoes and flawlessly coiffed hair? Had he reinvented himself and traded in his dingy hand-me-down flannels and worn jeans for a new yuppie wardrobe? Would Adam even recognize his brother if he saw him?

It had been two years…two years since he last saw his brother's face.

Adam shook away the unwelcome thought. He'd know Sam anywhere, surely. There was no missing that long, lanky frame and confident step no matter what clothing covered it.

Right?

-/-

"Man I need your notes from today. That shit was way over my head," Brady said to Sam laughing, as they walked back towards Sam's dorm after class

"Yeah man, no problem," Sam replied, smiling at his friend, "That final is gonna…"

"Sam!"

The call interrupted him mid-thought and a deep subconscious recognition of the voice sent adrenalin instantly shooting through Sam's veins.

He turned in the direction of the sound, his heart racing in a way he hadn't felt in years. Hot, nauseating fear gripped him as he scanned the area, his eyes quickly landing on his younger brother, bounding across the open space toward him.

"Sammy!" Adam shouted, rushing up to his brother.

"Adam?" Sam asked in startled bewilderment, "What…what are you doing here?

Adam leaned up to hug Sam, clapping him hard on the back.

"Uh…" Sam stuttered, struggling to get his brain to catch up with the shock of the moment, "Wait...is Dean?" he asked, suddenly panicked, fear choking him, stopping him from finishing the sentence.

"Dean's fine," Adam replied quickly, brushing off Sam's frantic tone, "Dad too," he added as an afterthought.

"Oh," Sam said, letting out a quiet huff of relief, "Ok,"

"Ok," Sam said again more firmly, getting a hold on himself and trying to ignore the shaky feeling coursing through him as his body rid itself of the unused adrenalin, "Uh…Brady," he said, suddenly remembering his friend who was still standing beside them, "This is my brother Adam,"

"Hey Adam," Brady said, extending a polite hand out to shake, "Nice to meet you,"

"Yeah man, you too," Adam replied, shaking Brady's hand with a friendly nod, all while taking stock of the guy in a way Sam instantly recognized as standard Winchester procedure for sizing up a potential threat.

"Uh…Brady, I'll get those notes to you later huh?" Sam said lightly, clearly dismissing his friend.

"Yeah sure, man. I'll catch up with you later. Nice to meet you, Adam," Brady said kindly, giving Adam a polite nod.

Adam nodded in return, tipping his chin up at Brady as he turned and walked away.

"Your friend is a walking Gap ad you know that?" Adam noted cynically as soon as Brady was out of earshot.

"Adam," Sam admonished frowning at his little brother, "What are you doing here man? Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. It's fine," Adam replied with a nonchalant shrug, "I wanted to come and see you,"

Sam gazed at his brother suspiciously. He hadn't seen any member of his family in over two years and now Adam just showed up out of the blue?

"Is there anywhere to eat around here?" Adam asked sensing his brother's unease and deliberately dodging Sam's next question before he a chance to ask it.

Sam chuckled at his brother and smirked, momentarily enjoying the familiar duck-dodge-don't-ask of the Winchester way of dealing with uncomfortable questions.

"Yeah. Come on. I'll take you to the Dining Hall," Sam said, adjusting his backpack.

"Sweet," Adam replied in imitation of Dean so perfect that Sam had to do a double take.

"Yeah…" Sam replied slowly, feeling a little sadness creeping into the edges of his excitement of seeing his little brother.

"This place is unreal, man. It's really nice," Adam said looking around again as they began to walk.

"Yeah, it is," Sam agreed, "So Adam…where is Dean?"

"Out with Caleb," Adam answered shortly, scanning the campus and avoiding Sam's eye as they ambled down the spotless sidewalk.

"And Dad?" Sam prodded.

"Hunting."

"So you just decided to bail on the motel and school and come here?" Sam questioned attempting to get a look at his brother's expression, which Adam was doing his best to hide.

"I left a note,"

"A note?"

"Yeah," Adam said with a shrug, "We were only like 5 hours away. I wasn't gonna be that close and not come see you,"

"And what happens if they get back before you?" Sam questioned experimentally.

"Jeez Debbie Downer, can't you just be happy I'm here?" Adam snapped, offended.

"I am happy!" Sam cried, "Just surprised I guess…"

"Yeah well…" Adam mumbled.

"No man, I am happy to see you. Really happy," Sam said sincerely, throwing an arm around his brother's shoulder for a quick side hug as they walked.

Adam rolled his eyes at the move and ducked his head to hide a smile.

"How's life going?" Sam asked, changing tactics and trying to lighten the mood between them.

"Eh, same old same old," Adam replied, giving Sam another shrug of indifference, "Tell me about this place man…it's so perfect. It's like being in the first five minutes of a horror movie, you know? Before everything goes to shit,"

Sam laughed out loud. Leave it to Adam to compare Stanford to a horror movie.

"Yeah, I guess," Sam replied, still chuckling at his brother, "It is really nice here. It's really expensive here, that's probably why. Money buys nice things you know,"

"I guess," Adam said, studying the buildings and other students as they passed.

"How's school?" Sam questioned as they approached the dining hall.

"Is this the cafeteria?" Adam asked, again evading his brother's probing questions as he stared up in disbelief at the large brick and glass building they had stopped in front of.

"Yeah," Sam answered, enjoying the open-mouthed expression of astonishment on his little brother's face.

"Come on," Sam said, leading him inside, "I've got a meal plan. You can get whatever you want,"

"Dude…." Adam mumbled in amazement as he followed his brother inside the building.

-/-

"So I gotta ask," Sam started, watching as Adam took an enormous bite of spaghetti from his overflowing plate, one of several he'd picked up as they walked through the lunch buffet line, "How'd you get here? Bus?"

"Not exactly," Adam garbled in reply around a mouthful of pasta.

Sam held in a sigh of disappointment knowing that his little brother stole a car and drove it hundreds of miles, apparently never concerned about getting caught. Taking the bus would have been a safer, less conspicuous option.

"Where'd you park it?" Sam asked conspiratorially, keeping his voice low.

"Behind a random office building a couple of miles away," Adam answered, swallowing his bite and reaching for a sushi roll from another one of his plates.

"And you wiped it down and everything?" Sam asked.

Adam gave him an annoyed look, "I'm not stupid Sam. Yeah, I took care of it,"

"I know," Sam amended quickly, "Just making sure,"

"So do you have more classes today or what?" Adam asked changing the subject and going back to the spaghetti, twirling up another forkful of pasta with red sauce.

"Uh…" Sam replied, looking down at his watch, "Yeah, I've got class at 2:15, a study group at 4 and a soccer game at 6,"

"Soccer?" Adam asked in surprise.

"Yeah. It's an intermural league, just for fun you know?"

"Fun huh?" Adam asked skeptically, considering his brother as he stuffed in another mouthful.

"Yeah. Fun," Sam replied, offended, "People can have fun."

"Hmm…" Adam hummed as he chewed.

Sam was quiet for a moment; his mind racing with questions for his little brother.

"So…" Adam started, interrupting Sam's thoughts.

"I can…like…stay with you, right? Just for a night or two?" he asked in a rush, not looking at his brother, as if afraid of Sam's response.

"Of course man!" Sam assured him, "Of course."

Regardless of how Sam felt about his family and how awkward it was for him to be around any of them again, he'd never turn away his own 16-year-old brother looking for a place to crash.

"Cool. Thanks," Adam said in relief, giving Sam a half smile as he grabbed another sushi roll.

"Yeah man, definitely. It'd be nice to have you around again," Sam confessed, feeling his heart twist with the realization of just how much he'd missed that familiar feeling of family.

"Yeah…" Adam said nodding and ducking his head a little, "Missed you, Sam," he admitted quietly.

"Missed you too man," Sam agreed, "Really."

"Yeah…" Adam agreed sincerely, visibly swallowing a lump in his throat, "So what else are you gonna show me around this joint? Maybe we could hit up a party or something? How's your keg stand?" he asked, grinning.

Sam smiled back at his bold little brother, "Better than yours,"

"Challenge accepted," Adam replied with a smirk.

"We usually go out for beers after the game," Sam offered, smiling at his brother.

"Cool, I've got my ID," Adam said, scooping up the last forkful of spaghetti off his plate.

Sam hesitated at his brother's words, mind racing at the thought of Adam pulling out one of Dean's patented fake IDs, complete with stupid classic rock superstar name.

Adam caught his brother's hesitation and began to backtrack immediately, the comfortable camaraderie between them evaporating, "You know…never mind, they're your friends. I don't wanna be…"

"No! No. It's not that. I want you to meet them. I want you to come along. It'll be fun," Sam rushed, "Let me see your ID,"

Adam leaned forward and pulled his wallet from his back pocket, flipping over the cover and pulling out two IDs from behind the clear plastic frame.

"Got my real driver's license too, Sam," he said, handing over the small plastic cards, clearly hoping to get his brother's approval.

"Good Adam," Sam said, reassuring him.

"Also got a PO Box that Bobby checks for me and a bank account in Sioux Falls," Adam continued, taking a slow slurp of the large soda he'd gotten, still keeping a careful eye on his brother's response to his words.

"Really?" Sam asked with surprise, impressed with his young brother's planning. Even he didn't have the foresight to get a bank account before he left for school.

"Good for you Adam, good for you," Sam said, nodding and starting to examine the two IDs his brother handed him.

"Ok, it's pretty good I guess," Sam said studying the fake ID that listed "Adam Bonham" as 22-years-old.

"Pretty good?" Adam said insulted, "Are you kidding me? Kids at school pay me 150 bucks a pop for these things! That's quality work!"

Sam laughed, relishing in his brother's indignation, "Just don't get caught, dude,"

"Please Sam, like I said, I'm not stupid," Adam replied, smirking.

While Adam finished his lunch they chatted casually, each that they were talking around the things they really wanted to ask each other. Finally, Sam glanced down at his watch, taking note of the time.

"So… I've got class in like 20 minutes. Do you maybe wanna come with me?" he asked, judging Adam's reaction to the question.

"And do what?" Adam asked confusion.

"Just sit in. Listen." Sam offered.

"They won't care? Like the teacher won't mind?"

"No. It's called auditing. People do it all the time," Sam explained.

"Oh…um…I mean…I guess?" Adam stammered, "What class is it?"

"Applied Economics of Political Macroeconomic Theory,"

Sam had to suppress a laugh at the dumbfounded look Adam gave him.

"Oh…uh…I think I'll just stay here," Adam said, shaking his head.

"Come on dude. Just come check it out. Haven't you ever wondered what college classes are like?"

"Well yeah maybe, but not Applied Econ of whatever the hell you said," Adam replied mockingly.

"It's not as boring as it sounds. Trust me," Sam assured.

"Yeah, I doubt that," Adam replied sarcastically, "But, what the hell, why not?"

"Cool," Sam said smiling, " Ok, finish up then, I don't wanna be late."

This time it was Adam's turn to chuckle at his brother, "Same old Sam," he said, rolling his eyes.

Adam took a last long drink of his soda before standing up, using one hand to surreptitiously grab a small stack of cookies off his plate and put them in his jacket pocket.

"Adam," Sam said watching the practiced move, "Unlimited meal plan…we can come back after class if you want,"

"Oh…ok, yeah…cool," Adam said nodding in agreement, "but uh... I'm still taking these for the road,"

"Same old Adam," Sam replied.

Adam made a face at his brother, but reached out to grab the last corner of his garlic bread, shoving it in his mouth.

"Ok, let's go," he garbled around the bread.

Sam shook his head in mild disgust but stood up as well grabbing his backpack and leading them out of the Dining Hall and toward his next class.

-/-

John Winchester was in shock.

Shock and disbelief.

He'd been checking up on Sam regularly since the boy left for college. Two years of secretive visits, watching from a distance, evading the vigilant eyes of his well-trained middle son.

Yet the scene before him was one he never expected. Walking side by side with the long-legged, shaggy-haired college student he'd come to check on was a familiar blonde head that was supposed to be in a high school algebra class back in Mason, Nevada.

John watched the two brothers meander on the campus sidewalk feeling his shock melt into a hot fury at his youngest boy's disobedience.

-/-

Applied Economics of the whatever actually was just as dull as Adam thought it would be, but Sam was so happy to have Adam with him in class that Adam didn't really care.

It was really nice to be around Sam again. Adam forgot how much he just flat out liked his brother. Sam was funny and sarcastic, smart and sharp, making jokes and teasing Adam in ways he'd forgotten about. Dean always went straight for the jugular with teasing, 'You're gay. You'd cry during sex…if you ever got any…etc etc,' but Sam's teasing was gentler, still biting in that older brother way, of course, but different.

There was something different about Sam too. A lightness that Adam didn't remember ever seeing in his brother.

For most of the years that Adam had known his brother, before he left, Sam was hard. He was angry. There always seemed to be a fight looming. Sam was tightly coiled, always in control and yet always on edge. Adam remembered it being especially bad the spring before Sam got accepted into school.

But now…

Sam was different.

Sam was…happy.

He was still the same serious Sam he always was. Adam got to see that during the study group that Sam dragged him to. But even while studying his brother seemed calmer, generally more relaxed than Adam had ever seen him when they'd been researching hunts together.

Sam played hard during the soccer game that evening. Adam could see that his brother had not given up the physical training that Dad had drilled into each of them. Sam was able to run the entire game and never once looked out of breath. But he also laughed and joked with the guys on the team during the game and smiled and flirted with the college sorority girls on the sidelines who'd come to watch. (Adam was doing his fair share of smiling and flirting with them as well.)

It was really cool to see this other version of his brother, a part of Sam that he recognized and had seen glimpses of growing up but had never been able to really experience. It was like seeing Sam in a funhouse mirror. He recognized the shape of Sam but the details of the image were obscured and unexpected.

Adam and Dean never talked about Sammy. Occasionally there would be sidelong comments or snide remarks, but the understanding between them was made early that Sam was a sore subject, especially for Dean. Adam didn't know when it had come about but there was the feeling between him and Dean that Sam couldn't be as happy at college as he would have been if he was back with them, on the road and hunting. Adam had just accepted the idea. Of course, Sam would miss hunting, of course he would miss being on the road with them fighting the good fight.

But seeing Sam now, Adam was absolutely sure they were wrong.

Sam was happy. Sam was whole. Sam was better off without them.

The realization struck Adam in a way he wasn't prepared for, feeling a deep pain ache in his heart. He'd never made that connection before. To Adam, Sam was just going to college, in search of better education and another choice. It never occurred to him that he might be part of the weight that was holding Sam down, forcing his brother to drown in his own bitterness and frustration.

The melancholy thought soured Adam for the remainder of Sam's game, keeping him from fully enjoying the flirtatious comments of the girls on the sidelines. It wasn't until three beers later at the bar with Sam and his soccer buddies and the girls that Adam was able to restore his earlier pleasant mood and enjoy his brother's company.

They got back to Sam's dorm late, not too late of course because Sam had class early in the morning and he was still Sam after all and not about to miss class cause he was too drunk or tired to attend.

Getting back to campus Adam followed his brother into another stately brick building complete with bell towers and arches. Trailing after Sam he still couldn't wrap his head around the regal grandeur of the Stanford campus and all its amenities. It was amazing that Sam lived here. They went through the main lounge, walking past groups of students lounging on leather sofas, some with open books, some playing cards, others just sitting around talking to each other. Adam had never really seen anything like it before. The low hum of their late night conversations gave the entire building an energy of possibility and optimism. He didn't know what those kids were talking about, but he could feel the importance and hope within it.

Sam led him through a set of heavy wooden double doors and up some stairs and finally down a long carpeted corridor lined with more wooden doors, each with a number on it.

"Home sweet home?" Adam asked as he followed Sam down the hallway.

Sam nodded and kept walking. Adam looked at the doors as they passed. Some were plain, but others were adorned with decorations: whiteboards with dirty messages and dicks drawn on them, paper hearts from campus sororities or stickers from sports teams.

Adam almost bumped into his brother when he stopped abruptly in the hallway, reaching into his pocket to pull out a key. Sam opened the door and walked in, leaving Adam waiting in the doorway, excited to see what Sam's room might look like.

As Sam moved out of his way Adam looked around the room.

"Wow Sam…cozy," he teased, looking around at the bare walls and plain campus issued furniture.

"Shut up," Sam said, ushering his brother inside and closing the door behind him.

"Seriously man, you couldn't spring for a Farrah Fawcett poster or something?" Adam continued, walking around the small room.

Adam didn't have to look at his brother to know that Sam was rolling his eyes.

"So no salt lines?" Adam questioned, walking over to examine Sam's window and view.

"No," Sam answered firmly, "I'm not doing that shit anymore."

"You don't wanna be safe?" he asked naïvely, turning to look at his brother.

Sam was silent, but Adam could see the storm of words building and suddenly he didn't wanna know Sam's reasoning for ditching the salt lines and sigils that Dad had always demanded.

"You own room though, huh?" Adam asked quickly, changing the subject but keeping Sam's expression in his peripheral as he turned and looked back out the window.

Sam's dark mood cleared as quickly as it had come and Adam breathed a small sigh of relief. He wasn't ready to get into the heavy just yet.

"Yeah. Kinda lucked into it this year," Sam explained, going to sit on his neatly made bed, "I had a double last year. You don't really get to pick, especially on scholarship. You just fill out your preference on a form and hope for the best,"

"It's nice though," Adam said leaning back against the window and looking around the room.

"Yeah, it's ok. They re-did the whole building a few years ago so it's all still really new,"

Adam nodded. New. When was the last time that Adam ever stayed anywhere new? When had Sam? Everything for them was old, rusted, leaking, sagging, mildewed. But new? Sam must be in heaven.

"It's really nice. Smells better than a motel that's for sure," Adam joked.

Adam didn't get the chuckle he was expecting and looked over to see Sam regarding at him sadly. Discomfort building again, Adam cleared his throat and looked at Sam's small twin bed.

"So what's the sleeping plan?" he asked.

"Uh…yeah…" Sam said, glancing down at his one lone pillow, "Let's go down the hall. I bet we can borrow some blankets and pillows from the guys,"

"What about the girls?" Adam asked, wagging his eyebrows at his brother.

"They're on the next floor up. My key doesn't work for that floor. We'd have to find someone to let us in," Sam explained.

"I bet we could do that," Adam replied, hoping his brother would give him a chance to see some more co-eds.

Sam smirked at him, "Maybe,"

It didn't take long for them to borrow enough blankets and pillows from the people down the hall to make Adam a relatively comfortable bed on the floor of Sam's room.

"So no tv? Do you seriously just study all the time?" Adam asked as he sat down in the pile of blankets of his makeshift bed.

"No," Sam replied tersely, "Rooms don't come with a tv. You gotta provide your own and I'm not exactly rolling in dough at the moment,"

"Yeah, but you could get money..." Adam replied, thinking back to all the pool they'd hustled and the scams they ran.

"I told you, I'm not doing that shit anymore," Sam said, stripping off his shirt and pulling a clean one from the bottom drawer of his dresser.

"Well the hunting stuff yeah…but…you'd rather just be broke?" Adam asked in confusion.

Sam pulled his head through his shirt and stared at his brother for a moment, "All of it. I'm not that person anymore," he said seriously.

"Yeah…but…tv…" Adam said weakly, trying to lighten his brother's darkening mood.

Thankfully Sam did crack a smile and rolled his eyes.

"I've got my computer. And Brady let me borrow his DVD case," he said, walking up to Adam and reaching under the bed to pull out a square leather case, "Here, pick something," he said tossing it at his brother.

Adam caught the case and unzipped it, finding pages upon pages of plain DVDs with scribbled handwriting of movie titles on them.

"I'll be right back," Sam said, grabbing a small black bag from the top of his dresser.

"Where are you going?"

"The bathroom is down the hall," Sam explained, noting the unpleasant scowl Adam gave him, "Yeah I know. Community bathrooms suck but it's not that bad. No worse than sharing with Dean,"

Adam was surprised to hear Sam mention their brother so casually, but just shrugged in agreement and turned back to the DVD case, wondering what movie they could fall asleep to.

They ended up settling on the first Die Hard movie and propped up Sam's computer on his small desk with several textbooks, both settling in for the night.

Adam wasn't ready to sleep yet and he was pretty sure Sam felt the same. There was too much unsaid between them, hanging heavily in the air. He could feel Sam waiting for the right time to let loose the torrent of questions he had about Adam's arrival at school. Honestly, Adam was waiting too, waiting until they could be in the same space without having to look directly at each other. Where they could say the words they needed to say, but not have to see the looks of hurt they were likely to cause. It was easier to talk that way. It was why he and Dean always said the hardest things to each other inside the safe space of the Impala, each staring at the road ahead.

"So…" Sam started quietly from above Adam on his bed, propped up on one elbow watching the small computer screen, "How's Dean?"

Adam kept his eyes on the screen as well, trying to stay casual, "Dean is…Dean. Fine I guess. Hard to tell a lot of the time" he admitted.

"Hmmm…" Sam hummed quietly.

There was a long pause before Sam started up again, "And Dad?"

Adam was quiet for a moment, trying to decide how to respond to Sam's question. Should he just come out with it? Tell Sam the truth? Tell him how often he was left alone these days? How squirrelly Dad was acting? How scared it was making Dean? How neither of them talked about it, but they could both tell something was wrong? How the more Dad was gone the angrier Dean got? How scared Adam was getting?

"Dad's fine," Adam said shortly, chickening out of telling Sam what he really wanted to.

"So then what the hell are you doing here man?" Sam asked gently.

"Just wanted to come and see what this college life thing was all about," Adam lied, "Seems like you got it pretty good,"

Adam could sense that Sam didn't buy his weak lie, but he knew that his brother wanted it to be true. They had talked, even argued, so many times before about Adam going to college, becoming a doctor, doing something more than the dangerous life Dad had planned for them.

"You thinking about joining me out here?" Sam asked and Adam could feel his brother studying the back of his head.

"Here? No way. I could never get into school here," Adam replied brushing off his brother, keeping his eyes on the action on the screen.

"No. I mean here in the normal world," Sam said sharply.

Adam went quiet again, not sure how to answer his brother's astute question. He wasn't planning to give up hunting. He couldn't. He needed hunting. He needed it to funnel the rage he felt coursing through him. He needed it to feel like he was making a difference, accomplishing something with his life. He needed it so that he could do everything possible to make sure no other kid would ever lose their mother in the horrible way he had.

But…

"Sometimes…" Adam whispered, fear stealing his voice, "sometimes I wish I could have gone with you when you left,"

Adam didn't move after the words left his lips. He wouldn't dare. He didn't need to see the hurt and pain on his older brother's face.

Long ago, when Sam had first found out about his acceptance to Stanford, Adam had found out too, before anyone else in the family. Adam was young and scared, scared of hunting still, scared of Dad sometimes, afraid Dean would never love him the same way he did Sam. So he ran. Ran away from them while Dad was gone. Tried to hop a bus back to Windom and his old life.

But Sam had found him. Talked him into coming back to the motel. Coming back into the Winchester fold. Sam had convinced him that there wasn't anything in Windom for him anymore and his best chance for any future was with his family. He promised that Dean did care about him and that Adam wouldn't be a burden to their brother. He promised that even though he'd be leaving for school he would plan something for Adam. That Adam wouldn't be left feeling alone between Dad and Dean. That he could go and live with Bobby or Pastor Jim.

But Sam lied.

By the time August rolled around and the implosion of Sam's college acceptance had happened, Adam couldn't blame his brother for just walking out. And then Dad went off the rails. The man disappeared for two weeks without a word. And Dean…Dean was…well it was bad. Even if Sam had made plans for Adam, Adam didn't think he could have followed through with them.

"Adam…" Sam whispered in return, his voice thick with emotion, "I..."

"It's ok Sam," Adam interjected, "I don't blame you. You had to go and I get it,"

Sam could feel the tears welling in the corners of his eyes as he stared down at the back of his little brother's head.

He had wanted to take Adam with him when he left. He did. He researched for months trying to figure out a way that they could make it work. How Sam could get legal guardianship over Adam, where they might be able to live, where he could work and earn money to feed them and still keep his scholarship. Sam tried. God damn did he try.

He never told Adam. Never wanted to get the kid's hopes up. Because no matter what Sam tried, no matter what creative solution he came up with he couldn't make it work. Not legally. Not in a way that could keep them both safe and give them a future.

In the end, Sam had convinced himself that leaving Adam behind was ok. He could go to school for 4 years and by the time Adam was out of high school he'd have a degree and be able to work legitimately and take care of them. Adam could survive until then, just like he had. He had Dean at least and Sam's confidence in his oldest brother would never waiver. Plus, after some discussion, Adam seemed resigned to the fact that Dad would never let him go and live with Bobby or Pastor Jim, not while the man was still breathing anyway, so that was just how it had to be.

But to find out now, two years later that Adam was wishing the same thing that Sam had wished for all those years ago... Shit. It nearly broke him.

"Adam..." Sam said, trying to hide the emotion choking him, "two more years and you're done with high school. You'll be 18. You can do whatever you want. Come here with me; go out on your own. You won't have to live under Dad's rules anymore,"

"It's not that bad Sammy," Adam said, burrowing down into the blankets further, "I just miss you sometimes I guess,"

"I miss you, Adam," Sam replied quietly.

They were quiet for a long while, each pretending to watch a young Bruce Willis on the screen, but neither actually paying attention.

"Adam," Sam said softly.

"Hmm?"

"It's easier out here. Life is easier without…"

"Without us…" Adam mumbled his words partially obscured by the blanket he had pulled up around him.

"No. Not you and not Dean," Sam replied sharply, "But being away from Dad... yeah it's easier. And it can be for you too if you want it. I know I said this before, but you know that if you want out, if you don't want to hunt, I will do everything I can to help you,"

"Yeah Sam I know," Adam replied, taking a deep breath, "Thank you,"

"I miss you guys a lot. Really a lot." Sam explained, "It wasn't easy for me to leave. It was hard. And it hurt. But this…this is so much better for me. I finally feel like I'm living my life. Living it the way I want it to be,"

Adam was quiet, still nestled in the pile of blankets, "I know Sam. I'm happy for you. Dean would be too,"

"Are you gonna tell him you came here?" Sam asked curiously.

Adam scoffed lightly, "No way man. He'd kill me. I'm supposed to be back at the motel studying for an Algebra test,"

"When's the test?" Sam asked.

"Monday," Adam answered sleepily, rolling over and closing his eyes, "It'll be fine. I can talk Jenny DeLuca into letting me copy off her,"

"Adam…" Sam admonished, stifling a yawn, "You should study."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Night Sam," Adam muttered, eyes closed.

"Night Adam," Sam said, shaking his head at his brother adjusting his pillow before rolling over to face the wall.

Adam opened one eye to watch his other brother snuggle down into his plain blue comforter. Taking in a deep breath, he relaxed into the comfort of having Sam sleeping next to him again. Nestling down further into the soft pile of blankets, something under Sam's bed caught his eye.

Glancing up to make sure Sam hadn't moved Adam slid over, angling himself so he could see further under the bed to investigate. There under Sam's bed, on the wooden slats that held up the box springs and mattress, were the unmistakable etchings of protection sigils and symbols all too familiar to Adam, each carved with meticulous care and attention.

Adam scooted back away from the bed and glanced up again at his brother's still form.

'Not doing that shit anymore', huh?

-/-

A/N- 50 chapters! I can't even believe it. This story has been going on for so long! Thank you to everyone who reads and leaves a review. I so appreciate the encouragement. I'm not getting as many reviews these days ( probably because there are 50 chapters!) so each review just means that much more. I'm not giving up on this story yet, although I'm considering branching out to try some new things- and I hope you will follow me! Thank you again for everything- you know who you are!