A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I really appreciate it. For anyone who is worried that this story is moving too quickly don't worry, I'm about to break your heart, as I'm not so brazen to assume life changes on a dime.
Also, wanted to respond to a review, which I appreciated immensely from MJ1039, lots of love for the review and for keeping me in check in regards to Harry's emotional state of mind and development. I do tend to write a slightly more assertive and confident Harry when it comes to his emotions because I have always felt like Harry was a very emotional character in the books and movies, thus his difficulty in learning Occlumency, but that he kept them inside. Only when he was 100 percent sure did he act on his feels or share them with anyone. I've tried to do that here, as well as play into an over exaggerated sense of loss and need to fill the hole left by Sirius. If you have any more ideas on how to better serve Harry as a character in regards to this story I'd love to hear them. I always take ideas from my reviewers if I can make it work and hope you share any ideas you may have for tweaking him to make his reactions more believable.
So, enjoy, much love Apprentice08.
Chapter Eight
Snape Goes to Counseling
When Severus woke up his head was pounding and his eyes burned. He noticed instantly the feel of a warm body next to his, and heard the soft breaths of another person. His eyes grew wide despite the ache and slowly black orbs scanned down. There on his chest was the sleeping face of Harry James Potter and in that moment his heart nearly stopped.
"Oh my Gods." rubbing a shaky hand down his face Severus started to sort through the bleary eyed memories of last night. Four shots, that shouldn't have done a thing to him….but the two glasses of brandy wine after… then the tumbler of scotch….and that damn reasonable but really NOT reasonable conversation he had with Minnie…..and his fatigue….from fighting that brute, entertaining kids….his mind had been just tired enough...just drunk enough…..he was lonely and relaxed and Potter had…. He let Potter….the things he had done to Potter!
"Shite!" He said as he felt the boy shift and a sleepy hand grazed over his crotch. He rolled away quickly and sat up, more relieved than he had ever been in his life to see he was wearing pants, that the boy was wearing pants.
Memories swirled, a high pitch whine in his inner ear and he clenched his eyes closed and rubbed at his temple because he remembered everything….he hadn't been so drunk that he wouldn't but he had been... weak….
"Oh my Gods!" the man muttered as he recalled not even two days ago the very same situation had occurred with the brat, when that idiot of a boy had taken advantage of Potter….
Severus looked over his shoulder at the boy who was miraculously still sleeping, "You Goddamn little Slytherin wannabe, trouble making, manipulative, opportunistic….oh my Gods." he put his face in his hands and let out a soft groan.
"You can't do this Severus...you can't let yourself be…."
USED.
The word made his heart ache and his anger swell and he knew he needed to leave lest he do something stupid. He stood and quickly left the room, grabbing whatever clothes he needed for the day and headed to the shower.
As the hot water ran over his body his muscles relaxed but his mind was racing.
He took advantage of you….of your weakened state….just like everyone always does….always did...and you let him because you wanted something and you justified it with false words of sweet hope and stewing loneliness and emotional starvation and you LET him do it…..you are pathetic, weak...so very weak you stupid stupid man….you weak….dumb….incompetent….WEAK WEAK WEAK….COWARD!
"Shut up." He hissed angrily between clenched teeth as he rubbed another hand down his wet face, the water starting to burn his skin and turn it a violent shade of pink.
An image of Potter on his knees taking Severus's member into his mouth came unbidden and he jerked away from the wall, opening his eyes to try and banish the memories...trying to escape his own foolishness.
Love, you always want love don't you you stupid man….just a child in a man's body reaching out grubby hands for any little snippet someone will give you...making excuses and wanting things you cannot have!
"Do you hear me Severus Snape, you cannot have it! Ever! You had one chance and you ruined it years ago, you don't get to try again! Never, you leave it alone….get your emotions under control, grow up and stop sniveling!" Severus ordered himself and he took a deep breath, winced at the water which felt like it was boiling his skin away and swallowed all the things that would make him anything other than the man he already was.
PAGEBREAK
He was drinking a mug of coffee when the boy wondered in. Harry had put on a shirt but was still in his sleep bottoms, his hair a mess and his eyes groggy.
"What time is it?" he asked as he grabbed at the mug that had become his signature, black with blue swirls and a dark red rim.
"Noon." Severus said as he scanned the paper but didn't look up.
"Not bad considering last night...I'm sorry about that...what happened. I didn't expect…"
Severus waited, perhaps the boy regretted his actions...regretted putting him in that situation…maybe they could both move on and not have to worry-"
"I didn't think Jimmy and the others would try to drag us into that. But, I mean, I'm glad we could help them...that you were willing to help them. Though, the after party- should have skipped that...was a little...much."
Severus felt his hopes sink, the boy was oblivious as ever. Yet as he dared to glance over the edge of his paper he heard his own voice whisper in the back of his mind as phantom lips skimmed over pink sweaty flesh to a ear that was nestled in soft brown hair, Cum.
"About...after…." Severus stiffened and couldn't help the anger that swelled in his stomach. He felt the boy standing there staring at him but did not lower the paper. He could not look at him just yet, not after that fuzzy memory of what he had done to this boy...this child.
Coward
He gave the flimsy paper a violent shake to straighten it and continued to scan.
"Professor, I- what we did…" Severus felt his anger boiling again, felt his heart lurch in rejection of whatever sadly collected thoughts the boy may have and he stood, folding the paper quickly before tucking it under his arm and grabbing his mug, "I do not suppose you will like what I am about to say… nor do I think you will want to accept it...but what happened last night...did NOT happen last night. We do not speak of it, we do not think about it and heaven help you if you breath a word of it to anyone, I will skin you alive. I never- you are my STUDENT!" The man snapped, slamming his mug down on the table and then using the old wooden thing to place his palm, he leaned forward and pointed a slender finger at the boy.
Harry had jumped at the sudden violent explosion, "I am your teacher! There is nothing that is going to happen between us...not now or ever again. I regret allowing you to take advantage of my less than coherent mind… you manipulative little snake….you will keep your hands to yourself...you will… you will...NOT put me in such a position again...so help me if you do I will end it and you before it even begins. You've been here five days….FIVE...in that time you've gotten away with murder...but you'll get no more leniency from me. Now keep that prick of yours in your pants or I will cut. It. Off."
And with that Severus stormed out, leaving an open mouthed Harry to stare after in a stunned silence.
PAGEBREAK
Severus couldn't stay in this house, couldn't be near that little brat right now. But he couldn't just leave the house unprotected. He had been in his room for the last two hours, pacing then sitting and then pacing some more.
Words, confusion and illicit imagery flying in front of his mind's eye. Potter was smart, as he had apparently elected to stay away, far away and Severus was more than happy with the outcome. Nonetheless he couldn't stay, he'd been cooped up for nearly a week, his usual routine of taking walks and going into his favorite cafe in London…
Severus stopped and suddenly had an idea, he rushed to his fireplace and hastily threw in some power before he leaned his face into the flame.
PAGEBREAK
Harry had been sitting on the couch staring into space…. His heart beating slow, so slow he felt faint. There was a small ringing in his ears as a numbness washed over him. He didn't know how long he had been sitting here, time was irrelevant right now.
Having had just made another huge mistake in his life Harry was once again alone in facing the consequences.
He didn't understand…. What had he done wrong? How was the man suddenly so angry with him...Snape had said last night he didn't really regret their quickly progressing….thing….
It's not a relationship you know….he isn't your partner, or boyfriend or friend with benefits or even your acquaintance. You don't even really know him...you've been here only days...and suddenly you are in love?
"No." Harry barked out as he closed his eyes and shook his head.
What do you even know about him? You do realize he doesn't even like you right? Dumbledore told him to be nice to you...ordered him to keep his temper. You're just a stupid kid, a mentally unstable and awkward unattractive child to him. No refinement, no cleverness, just Harry…..just Harry….only ever Harry…. The freak who speaks to snakes….who shares his mind with a madman, who breaks down more than any girl on the whole of the planet. Weak, angry...lonely...insufficient...unwanted...unloved….Sirius is dead...you've not thought of him once….
"I have too...I just don't want to… it hurts too much...it makes my body hurt to just...think of him...he's gone."
So you replace him with Snape? You imprint your love for Sirius onto a man who doesn't give a damn about you….who got sexual gratification from you and then put you out….typical Harry… always always wanting what he can't have….love, family...to be normal….
"God, shut up Harry...stop doing this to yourself. Just accept that you messed up and….dont...dont get attached...it's okay...you'll be fine...you can do alone...you've done it your whole life...just suck it up and stop being a needy...neglected, attention seeking-"
WHORE
Harry jerked up from the couch and felt his anger rear its nasty head, teeth chewing together so hard he thought they might break and fists clenching as nails dug into the flesh of his palm. His eyes landed on an empty bottle from the night before and beings as the man was already in a foul mood Harry didn't really care how much trouble he got in.
He grabbed up the bottle and threw it hard into the kitchen, the glass smashing against the window which cracked and all the shards and pieces glittering down into the sink and across the counter.
"POTTER! What the hell are you doing you bloody brat!" and Harry spun around to yell back but the air left his lungs as he came to find Snape at the bottom of the stairs looking infuriated with a confused Ron and Hermione poking their heads out from behind him.
Instantly Harry moved, dodging passed the couch to wrap his arms around them. Ron and Hermione hugged him back. "We've been so worried." Hermione murmured and Harry instantly hugged her tighter, his eyes watering as the smell of lavender and honeysuckle hit his nose. He had missed them, missed both of them far too much given it had only been going on three weeks without them.
Ron had shifted away gently, giving the boy some room to breath and Hermione gently took a strand of his hair, "You need a trim."
Harry chuckled, "Not likely."
"Your temper get ya again mate?" Ron teased trying to break the thick tension as he eyed the kitchen doorway warily.
Harry glanced to Snape who stood there watching with arms over his chest, "Yeah, something like that."
The three then looked to their professor with worry, "I will be gone for most of the day, Miss. Granger is in charge, you two remember what I said. No one in or out until I return. If anything happens, if you are even the slight bit worried or suspicious you flu to the burrow. Don't hesitate, don't wait….I will….be back this evening." he said as his eyes scanned to the shortest of the three.
Hermione and Ron nodded but Harry simply looked out from under his brow, green eyes locked onto the man, his eyes silently trying to ask and dying to know where he was going so suddenly and why.
"And you, Mr. Potter, will have that mess picked up before I come home or you will regret it, understood?" Harry gave a single succinct nod.
"Good. Damn child, can't handle a singel bloody thing." the man continued to mutter as he headed for the front door. As soon as it was shut Harry sprang forward and went after him, Hermione calling the boy's name, but just as Harry swung the door open Snape popped out of sight and was gone.
PAGEBREAK
Severus had apparated in an alley near the center of London. Only three blocks from his favorite cafe, a book securely tucked in his pocket and a frown on his face, Severus gave a short flick of his wand and his normal clothes transfigure into something slightly less eye catching and far more muggle oriented.
It was not his normal routine to frequent cafes but on occasion he did imbibe and this was the only one that sold by the pot and had a decent cuppa of Earl Gray.
Given the past few days and what had occurred he knew both he and the boy needed space. Something strange had been going on since the first night Potter had been brought to his home. There was a tension, a tight strain between them. But what Severus had originally assumed was tension do to mutual dislike was now showing its colors as a different kind of tension. The kind of tension that caused professors to become overly attached to their students, show preferential treatment and possibly lose their jobs, the kind where students were caught being deflowered in some janitorial closet after school hours and expelled from the school.
The kind of tension that would have been more reasonable if it had been between a pair like Harry and Stacy or Severus and Minnie. This tension seemed to hit its peak just after the boy's panic attack but had truly started when Potter had stolen that kiss in his bedroom whilst Severus had been sleeping.
As if that one kiss had sent Potter into a downward spiral of self-discovery and instant want to try and seduce him. To Severus's horror, the brat was relatively good at it too, if he really tried.
To Severus, all Potter represented was a neglected and abused, highly dissociative teenager who was hormonal at the worst of times and moody at the best. He was curious about his sexuality, had just lost his godfather and in one night had been uprooted again and left in a situation where he had no set place, didn't know anyone and had to deal with knowing his current guardian hated the ever living spit out of him.
So why then, or perhaps he should ask what then, had caused Potter's seemingly instant attachment and infatuation with a man who had been hounding him since he had started school. Had made his life miserable, had caused so many problems for him.
"I think you will be surprised at young Harry's capacity to love. Especially his ability to forgive." Severus waved a hand in front of his face as if the words spoken by Dumbledore were nothing more than a fly. Severus doubted any person in the world could forgive six years of hatred and torment in the span of four days for nothing more than being nice.
That would be the very definition of naive, overly trusting and dimwitted, for someone as street smart as Potter to make that mistake….he would know better than that, be more weary than that. Yet, the boy was showing signs of no such awareness, he was being brash, impulsive and forward. Brash and impulsive were common traits among Gryffindors….but Potter had never been forward, he was shy…..well...that's not true.
The instance with Lucius Malfoy, Doby and the sock….that was pretty forward….and the way Harry and his little brat friends had thought him working for the Dark Lord first year and telling Mcgonagall, Hagrid and Dumbledore all about it….sticking up for Granger in his first ever lesson….
"Clearly Hermione knows….why not ask her?"
Severus caught himself smirking at the memory and instantly put a stop to it. Dread filling his stomach and panic wrapping around his mind when he was once again reminded he had known this boy since he was eleven. Severus, a young man when the boy was born, not even twenty if his math was correct. Lily had married James right after school...a year or so later Harry had been born….
And when in the bloody hell did he start using the brat's name in his head….
"Gods be done with me." He murmured as he pushed open the cafe door angrily. He got in line ordered his pot of tea and some biscuits and went to his preferred table in the farthest back corner by the fire.
The cafe had elected to style itself after the 1960's with a dash of modern flare but all he really cared about was how quiet it was, how mellow it all felt and as he waited for his tea he pulled out his book and opened it to the first page.
Still, the only thing he could think about was his problem with the troubled youth waiting at home for his return. He didn't know what to do, and now, thanks to his lonely libido and one too many drinks paired with an equally lonely and hormonal teenager he could no longer speak to Dumbledore about what exactly was going on in that house.
Severus was stranded, with no one who could understand his situation nor anyway to deal with it...he needed a confidant...someone who could help him negotiate these treacherous waters...someone who understood the delicate nature of this situation and could help him dissect it...he needed a lifeline.
"Professor?" and as Severus looked up his heart jolted and his mouth parted slightly, because for once in his life the Gods...or Lily…. or SOMEONE had answered his silent prayers and musings.
"Professor Sanders….I was just thinking about you….please...won't you join me?"
PAGEBREAK
Harry sighed again for the fourth time in twenty minutes and looked at his friends who sat in the sitting room staring at him over their steaming cups of tea.
"Blimey, you really are suffering aren't you." Ron said with a smirk.
"Honestly Ronald, Harry's been sharing a house with Professor Snape not Voldemort himself-"
"What's the difference?" the redhead asked as Hermione rolled her eyes, "They may not get on but surely it can't be all that bad….right?" she asked looking to Harry with curious eyes.
Harry looked at the ground as he leaned back on his arms, legs crossed before him, his two friends sitting on the couch continuing to stare.
Since the two had arrived all they had managed to discuss was the fact that he had been moved and why. Why he hadn't been taken to the burrow or to order headquarters...why he had been left with Snape. Yet, try as they might, no news suggested that there had been any reason for it aside from some trouble in the south, but even that was minor and had little to do with Harry.
"It's been tense…" Harry started, Ron leaning in a little and bracing his elbows on his knees as his fingers interlocked.
"Tense? You're living with the bat of the dungeons… I'm amazed this place hasn't exploded."
"This is his home?" Hermione asked as she looked around the room, "At least he has a lot of books." she said weakly, trying desperately to find something positive for Harry to latch onto, though the boy raised a brow at her and gave a very unflattering face of distaste.
"It's his childhood home, he grew up here." Harry confirmed.
"This place is so small, can't imagine he had room to...grow." Ron tried but the situation was all to ridiculous and after another tense silence Hermione and Ron looked to each other and started to chuckle a little. At first Harry was irked...watching them with annoyed green eyes before he felt another sigh escape him and he shook his head, a small smile and chuckle escaping him as well.
"He does shower by the way, heard that the first night I was here."
Ron's eyes exploded and Hermione gave a soft groan as another bout of giggles crept passed her lips and soon they had descended into gentle laughter.
"So, what's it like living with him. I mean, yeah it probably rubs ya up a bit but… does he… do odd things?"
Harry gave his friend a endearing look before he asked with a soft smirk, "Like what?"
"I don't know, sing in the shower….sacrifice goats…"
"Ron!" Hermione said giving him a tart look before she smacked his shoulder.
"Bloody hell, the man's a damn vampire...how are we supposed to know what goes on less Harry tells us. Come on mate, what's the greasy git really like?"
Harry thought about it a moment before he simply shrugged and said, "Nice."
This made both Hermione and Ron stare as if he had just grown a second head and Ron let out a snort as if it was a joke, "Nice? He threatened you right before he walked off. Nice isn't exactly the word I would use to describe him."
Harry felt frustration swell in his chest but elected not to try and defend the man, they wouldn't understand and anyway, he didn't owe Snape anything at this point. He was still mad at the man's dismissal.
"I don't know, we eat together most days and it's….quiet….I do my homework at night while he reads…."
"Bloody hell." Ron murmured.
"The rest of the time we just….talk…."
"Talk? Bout what? What could you two possibly have to talk about?" the ginger asked as he looked to his shoe and made a face.
Harry felt a blush rush to his cheeks and he looked away as an image of Snape sucking on his neck came to mind. When he glanced back Ron was toying with his shoe trying to scratch an itch on his ankle but Hermione's eyes were locked onto him tightly and he felt himself fidget as he realized she had caught his slip.
"There are other kids here!" he blurted out quickly. This seemed to catch Ron's attention and the boy asked, "Anyone we know?"
"No, a small group of muggles, there is a boy who is a wizard but he doesn't go to Hogwarts. His names Johnny. They all hang out together...I played football with them and they got me knackered a few nights ago.
"
"Harry!" Hermione admonished at the same time that Ron asked, "What's football?"
Harry chose to respond to Ron as he gave Hermione a guilt filled smirk and started to talk about the group.
He told them everything worth telling except the obvious things….like what had happened between him and Johnny…. And what had happened between him and Snape. However, he did elect to tell them about the adventure with Stacy's dad, leaving out his and Snape's impromptu dalliance into forbidden territory.
"Whoa, Snape really did that?" Ron asked and Harry nodded, "Yeah, pinned him down and everything. When Bruce had me Snape managed to...talk him down and eventually got him with a bottle over the head. We took him to the station after that, Stacy's girlfriend showed up for the after party, a woman named Minnie."
This made Hermione blush and Ron's eyes boggle, "Girlfriend? As in two girls…"
"Yeah, they kissed and everything." Harry said though not in anyway bragging so much as stating fact.
"Whoa, can I stay here-" Hermione hit him so hard Ron went crosseyed and Harry laughed at their antics.
"It is perfectly alright to be gay, it's not something to treat as a show." the girl said irritably.
"Right, well next time then…" Ron said giving Harry a look that told of his desire to meet and observe such a thing.
"When you say woman…" Hermione started and Harry suddenly realized his mistake, it was too late to go back but maybe if he made it clear to them the situation… he could trust them any… neither Ron or Hermione had ever betrayed his confidence so why would they start now.
"Minnie's a bit...older…"
"How much?" Ron asked, his interest in the subject becoming more and more obvious as the conversation moved forward.
"Twelve years...Stacy's sixteen and Minnie is in her late twenties." Harry offered before he said very softly, "I guess Minnie saved her life."
"I suppose it's not that hard to believe given how horrible her father was, it disgusting." Hermione said as her face paled a little, "I couldn't even imagine my father…" she trailed off as she looked away and seemed to focus on settling her stomach.
"That's rough. But at least she has someone." Ron offered.
"I asked her about it….what is was like to be with someone so much older...she said it was nice. We were dancing...well...trying to dance...I just wanted to cheer her up since...well you know."
The two nodded and Harry continued, "Minnie took her in when she was on the streets, she was trying to avoid her dad finding her and keep her mom from taking the brunt of his anger. Within three weeks they were together….Minnie helped rebuild her life, gave her strength, they have to keep it hidden though...I think it sounds easy...nice even….. It sounds...really good." Harry said in a far away voice as he looked away and stared at the low fire.
He didn't see Hermione glance to Ron or the boy raise his brows and very barely shake his head, but the girl spoke anyway, "Harry...about what happened….with...with Sirius….how are you...doing? Is there anything you need? Anyway we can help?"
Harry knew it would come up eventually, knew there wasn't a way around it, but instead of sharing his feelings...instead of telling them how confused and torn up inside he actually was, he simply looked at her and with a soft smile said, "I'm better now that you two are here."
PAGEBREAK
Severus had told Minnie everything. From beginning to end, but had referred to anything magic in a way that would make it seem muggle. Hogwarts had become a distant school for children with special skills, high intelligence or unique needs. Albus was the head doctor and Severus taught basic through advanced chemistry instead of potions. He had told Minnie about his relationship and fallout with the boy's mother as they had gone to the same special school and grew up in the same area, about Harry's parents death via a housebreaking gone wrong and Potter feeling like he needed to carry all the weight on his shoulders. He had told her about the death of the boy's godfather, which he said was a rock climbing incident and Harry's instant need to blame himself.
Then, after explaining the history he had told her about having Harry show up at that school and how they had clashed instantly. Told about their mutual hatred and harsh words, their constant bickering and barbs. Then he had explained everything from beginning to end that had happened over the past half week, and where he was now.
Normally, the man was never this loose lipped, in fact Severus was known for being silent, reliable and never betraying anyone's trust. But given the circumstances, how absolutely ill prepared he was for this situation, for where he and the boy were now and what was happening he knew he needed someone, to tell someone and get some advice, or this whole mission would be ended before it even made it up off the ground.
"You've got several serious problems...and several very easy solutions." Minnie said as she sipped at her tea, "There is nothing easy about this situation, but any solicitations of help would be appreciated as I am at my witts end with no course of action I can take save for telling Head Doctor Dumbledore everything and being dismissed as both Potter's guardian and as a professor."
Minnie looked down into her tea cup, a dainty finger running around the edge of it as she gave it some thought. Severus studied her, the woman was wearing a pants suit of deep red, her lips matching but her makeup light. She looked far more professional then she had the other night and Severus instantly recognized her intelligence despite the haircut and piercings.
"The only way I will be able to help is if you tell me about you." Minnie said almost reluctantly, as if she knew she might be crossing a line that Severus did not want to cross.
"I've already told you everything relevant to-"
"No, you've told me everything regarding your relationship with Harry. I need to know about you too if I am going to be able to give you any real advice."
Severus felt his heart twist and his fingers gently started to drum on the table as his eyes jumped back and forth across the woodgrain and he asked without looking up, "Such as?"
Minnie's eyes were locked onto him, her face relaxed and open, "Okay, let's try it this way. I'm going to ask you some personal questions about your history, you answer with as few or as many words as you'd like, yes or no….give any extra information you deem appropriate or relevant. I can tell you're a very private individual and don't want t to pry anymore than is necessary."
Severus reluctantly nodded and Minnie took a breath, "Alright, yes or no, were you abused or neglected as a child?"
"Yes." Severus said as he felt his heartbeat pick up, though his hand was steady as stone as he took a sip of his drink.
"Mother or father?"
"My father."
"Sexual, physical or mental?"
"Predominantly mental...physical only when he drank...no sexual abuse that I can recall but those years are often hazy. The abuses I suffered at school were mostly mental as well, though that is different...student rivalry is expected...especially at a school such as mine."
Minnie paused at this and looked at him thoughtfully, "Who knew, did anyone?"
"No." He said succinctly until he realized his error and backtracked, "That is incorrect, Lily knew, Potter's mother."
"About which cases?" she asked casually and Severus was starting to admire her tact.
"My home life and at school... she was my main defender against bullying. Though I often found more interesting ways to defend myself then just ignoring it or telling the demons off." Severus said with an evil smirk.
"So, your friend and your protector?"
Severus nodded as he took another relaxed sip of his tea and his eyes scanned the cafe, he felt relatively good right now, somewhat light hearted, which was a strange feeling for him. "She protected me until I was old enough to do so myself, I had no shame in her defense of me… until I grew older at least."
"Do you suffer from mood swings or depression?" Minnie asked, changing the subject with ease and Severus followed suit.
"No, my mood stays relatively even….bitter, resentful and angry at all the subtle little nuances the world has to throw at me."
Minnie's face gave away nothing as she asked, "So, you're normally….always…."
"Dower, unfriendly and bleak? Yes, my temper is short, my humour is morbid and I have a very strong desire to cause pain to most idiots in the world, but who between us doesn't? They should just stop breeding, damn monkey's. I've no time for entertainment, no desire for friends and I genuinely like to be alone, where it is quiet. I speak as little as possible unless I am teaching a class and keep my pleasantries limited to the weather, the latest chemistry articles and the news. I like….to be alone." Severus finished as he looked down at his fingers and his eyes scanned over the wear patterns on the table.
"In regards to Lily…." and severus's head jerked up, he was so unaccustomed to hearing that name from someone else's lips it nearly made his eye twitch in irritation.
"Have you ever been in love with anyone else?"
"No." Severus said shortly.
"Have you ever been attracted to another man before?"
"No." He said as his teeth grit.
"So, would it be a safe assumption to say Harry is the first male you've been attracted to? The first man you've had sexual relations with?"
Severus sat back in his chair and looked to his lap as his thumb rubbed over the top of his cups handle, "I've never been with anyone." He said softly.
Minnie's eyes grew wide, the first time her professional and non invasive demeanour broke but Severus did not hold it against her….it was an odd thing to admit to, though he wasn't embarrassed.
"So...Harry is the first person you've ever….ever?"
Severus nodded once as his dark eyes locked with hers and he spoke stiffly, "My life is complicated though I am sure it does not seem as such. I have...obligations to the head doctor….obligations to...others. These obligations started when I was young. I've been protecting and watching over that brat since he came to our school as my repayment to his mother...I wronged her… I've wronged a lot of people. He is my charge to keep safe, I don't have to like him but I do have to protect him. This being so, I've never focused on finding someone suitable for myself...I've never had any interest… why my body has betrayed me so in regards to Potter is beyond me… why he has taken to me so when I've done nothing but make his life miserable is beyond me. I do not want the boy to know I was once friends with his mother… though I do fear it will come to the surface far sooner than I had planned…."
And his mind began to wonder….began to think of all the things that were wrong with this… wrong with everything happening….his fists tightened and his eyes shut as his brow bent down in fatigue.
Minnie took the last swig of her tea and leaned back in her chair, her arms crossing as she looked at him.
He glanced up at her from under his brow before he turned his head to eye her sideways, "What?" he said irritably.
"I believe I have an answer for you professor, would you like to hear my professional opinion?"
Severus swallowed thickly and then narrowed his eyes, "Give me your best theory Professor."
PAGEBREAK
Snape had been gone three hours, and after the intense discussion from earlier Harry felt lighter, was enjoying the music that the record player spun through the air. It was nearing five in the evening and the light was fading. They had lit the wall lamps and restored the fire to a brighter blaze. They laughed and talked and joked and at one point Ron had wandered into the kitchen to look for a snack. He returned with crisps, a sugary cereal, milk, bowls spoons and a bar of thick chocolate.
"Where did you find all that?" Harry asked.
"In the kitchen, Snape's gotta Give-Me-What fridge. It's a bit old but it works just fine."
"He's got a what?" Harry asked,
"A Give Me What Fridge, it's a bewitched fridge that fills with whatever the witch or wizard is in the mood for or wants...much easier than shopping." Hermione said as she passed out the bowls and spoons.
Harry jumped up and ran into the kitchen and opened the fridge, it was mostly empty save for a glass jug of chocolate milk. He slammed the door and ran to grab Hermione, he told her to open it and inside was several different juices and a box of cookies Harry didn't recognize, the chocolate milk gone.
"This entire time...I didn't even know!" he said in frustration, "I could have had so many chocolate frogs." and Harry excitedly opened the door and found a pile of chocolate frog boxes.
"Excellent." He said with a smile, "Hold on...this bacon has been in here since I came...how come? I don't want bacon right now."
Hermione smiled and rolled her eyes with a giggle, "It's still a fridge Harry… you can store food in it too."
Harry shook his head at the redundancy and then realized Snape must have bought it for him...or the man just really liked bacon. He suddenly felt bad, wondering if the man really HAD bought it for him.
"Come on you two, your cereal is getting soggy." Ron called and so the two moved back to the sitting room.
They all sat on the floor around the coffee table eating cereal, crisps and sipping on a bottle of juice Hermione had elected to grab.
"So… do you two think it's weird…"
Hermione set her spoon down and gave him a curious look, "What?"
"Stacy and Minnie, their age gap."
Ron was drinking the milk out of his bowl, but once he set it down he wiped his mouth across his sleeve and shook his head, "No… I mean… it's not weird when two girls are like that…"
"So...its weird if it's two guys?" Harry asked and Ron nodded saying, "Yeah." in surprise as Hermione shook her head and said, "No."
Harry looked between the two as they eyed each other with glares.
"It shouldn't matter… if you love each other and it's within reason. Stacy had a...difficult childhood… she is probably more of an adult then most of the kids her age. It makes sense that she would want someone more mature to talk to, she probably relates better too." Hermione said with serious thought.
"Yeah, but not with men.. I mean… I know it's a thing… but an older bloke and a younger one seems...weird to me."
"That's because your a male Ronald." Hermione said with frustration, "Is not." the redhead denied quickly, "I don't mean...what I mean is.. you aren't comfortable with homosexuality between men because you are a man and the idea of a male coming on to you is uncomfortable...because you like girls. I'd feel the same if a woman came on to me...because I like boy's. But that doesn't mean homosexuality is wrong, it's the same as if a boy I wasn't interested in asked me out, I just politely say no...I'd do the same if a girl asked me out."
Harry continued to listen to the friendly if not slightly ignorant (on Ron's part) debate and felt his mind wonder off to the real problems he was having.
Like this sudden desire to explore his sexuality with Snape...was it Snape himself or just the new experience he wanted...was it because he was lonely and missed Sirius or because he was truly fond of the man's company, when he wasn't being a total prick at least.
Was he really a whore? Or was he at a point in his life where so much had happened, where so many people had died and so many lives were destroyed that he just didn't care anymore? He wasn't afraid of dying….but dying alone….that was scary. Was he so messed up and ruined by his lot in life that his mind was allowing him to try and reach some goal he felt was unattainable? To not die alone, to know the touch of a lover? To experience everything life has to offer before Voldemort stole it away?
Was there something more? The isolation didn't help, all he saw was Snape save for a few excursions with Jimmy and his crew and this brief visit with Ron and Hermione. But it had only been a few days… what was pulling him so hard towards this man that he had hated for so long?
Was he so quick to forgive because the man had been nice to him? Had opened up and shared? Did he pity the man or was it more… did he feel like there was a bond that needed to be formed? A new path to be discovered? Did he feel like there was finally someone who could understand him? Did Snape understand him? There was no doubt in Harry's mind that the man could relate, they had somewhat similar histories, both had lost their mother at a young age, had come to Hogwarts and found a safe place that gave them peace, had bullies, were head strong and prideful, though Snape held a more subtle air.
But Snape was a Slytherin, and he a Gryffindor, ask anyone, the two don't mix….
"Harry? Are you listening?" and the boy was drawn back to the conversation, back to real life and away from his musings and he looked to the pair though Ron's head was sticking out from around the doorway of the kitchen, "I asked where this door goes."
"I don't know. I never go out there."
And a mischievous smile laced his friends face and his head disappeared behind the wall and Hermione and Harry looked to each other with horror before they jumped up and chased after.
"Whoa!" they heard the boy call out and as Hermione and Harry poked their head out of the door to look around their friend they saw a small yard, about sixteen feet long and twelve feet wide. The tall dark brown fence hiding the filthy alley beyond.
The light was near gone now but Ron seemed to be on a roll of discovery because he reached a hand out and flicked a switch on the exterior of the house.
Three sets of eyes lit up when they realized that what they had just found was going to make their night far more interesting.
PAGEBREAK
"Alright, I am going to give you my opinion...as I see it from everything you have told me...and you can either take it or leave it, yeah?"
Severus nodded reluctantly and waited with a certain amount of impatient frustration.
"As far as I see it, Harry has taken this new found kindness from you as sincere, whether he knows it or not he has accepted it. Given he has just lost a very special person, someone he cared about deeply not even three weeks ago… his mind has adjusted to allow you to fill the hole where his godfather once stood. You've become his new guardian...his new protector, mentor and friend… he is starting to trust you more and more each day as you continue to remain consistent. In fact, even though you've been cruel to him since he started school I feel it is safe to say you have been one of the few consistencies in his life. Every year he comes back to school, you are not only always there, but you've maintained the same personality towards him. He didn't have to guess with you, or second guess his thoughts on what you thought of him or how you treated him. Even if it was unfair or mean, it was that consistency which gave him a building block with you."
Severus thought about this and realized the woman was right, he was a consistency in the boys very inconsistent life and suddenly he realized he may not have had to try so hard to win the boy over.
"You've changed your treatment of him, but, you've done it at a time when he has lost someone who was kind to him...he has no trouble transitioning between you. He doesn't see you as Sirius, he sees you as who you are but now you are showing the ability to give him what he needs...a stable, safe and consistent environment free of abuse and open to his lifestyle… and I don't just mean his sexuality. You two also share a similar history, Professor. Abuse, loss of a parent...particularly each of your mothers, which you both have a special bond with. You've also both been seriously neglected and taken advantage of over the years which gives you two a strange sort of understanding and camaraderie. You both crave love….but neither receive it...not near enough anyway. Though you don't suffer from the same desires of acceptance Harry seems to crave, more than likely because his relatives refuse to accept him and have since as far back as he can remember, so now he sees an acceptance in you. He has let his guard down, given into this infatuation over night because what else is he to do? By your own admission the lad is brave but foolish... wouldn't that type of personality only feed his advances towards you? I actually think this is all relatively healthy...the process of adjusting to his new home, I mean. In regards to his fancy of you… it could be problematic if you don't want to or can't return his feelings. I think he is just as confused on why this is happening so quickly as well….your best bet would be to talk to him about it directly and treat him like the adult he is. For a moment, forget his age… and talk to him about what he is thinking and feeling...allow him to express it to you….then...if you don't want to continue down this path with him… at least you will have a more informed opinion."
Severus wasn't sure how to respond so he spoke out the first question that came to his mind, "And… if I wanted to return his feelings...go down this highly immoral road with him….you do not think it would be detrimental to his stability?"
Minnie smiled softly though it faded after a moment, "What you've got to understand Professor, as hard and shitty as self reflection is… you're just as starved for attention and love as he is….which means you two alone in a house….isolated….with so many things in common, with that basic understanding and mutual trauma… it's like putting a match to straw….it may not take right away but eventually everything will catch aflame. You two are like two pieces of flint just waiting to spark because you are both the same and yet completely different. The match couldn't be better save for your positions as teacher and student. Age at this point shouldn't even be considered given Harry's maturity and his open want to explore with you. But, I need to be honest with you….if you don't do something about this one way or another….the flint will spark….and the fire that follows will be one that is uncontrollable."
And to this, Severus Snape had nothing he could say. All he found he could do was stare at her in a near traumatized state and try to keep his eye from twitching.
"So….basically…..what you are saying is…..I am-"
"Fucked... both figuratively and literally….just about." Minnie said giving him a smile and a wink.
This time he felt the blood drain from his face and his left eye exploded in a twitching fit and his hand squeezed so hard his cup shattered.
"Oh god, Severus, I am sorry… I was just kidding, no… your fine...absolutely fine… I'm sorry love, bad joke… here...I'll...just….clean that up." she said sheepishly as she mopped up the Earl Gray that was now wistfully dripping onto the floor.
But still he didn't respond for a moment, as even if that had been a joke his mind was trapped in the sudden unwanted fantasy of picking the boy up and taking him against a bookshelf in his sitting room.
"Gods help me." He murmured as he put his face into his hand and tried to dispel the vile and evil thoughts, "What am I then you stupid girl." He said irritably.
"You are mad at me and rightfully so, that was in poor taste. Come on, I'll get a bandage for that cut."
He waved her away and she sat back down, eyeing him apologetically, "Severus, look, please listen… you will be fine. There is a very strong potential and draw between you two but that doesn't mean it has to come to fruition. You just have to...be strong really. If you don't want Harry to go there then don't let him, give him boundaries and asked him to respect them. He won't like it, he may even throw a fit...but if you want him to understand you might have to make him. If he is as good hearted as you say...he will forgive you and most likely move on."
Severus stared at this woman and realized he was going to need to keep her close….she had just become….a much needed advisor...he shouldn't let her wander to far given his need for such assistance.
"I appreciate your input, tell me, is there a way to reach you in the future if I need more...advice?"
Minnie's eyes lit up and Severus knew he had made the right move.
PAGEBREAK
When Harry had first walked out he noticed a very small setup for laundry on the left side of tiny deck. An ancient sink with a short wooden table in between which led to an old laundry press. A clothes line hanging across the length of the yard from the side of the house to the back fence.
So that's where Snape does his laundry….
The small backyard, or courtyard as Hermione had taken to calling it, was the only part of the home that looked to be constantly maintained. Along the fence was a thin garden of pebbles that wrapped around to either side and met up evenly with the edges of the house, it was filled with Succulents that ranged in size shape and color. Next to the inner edge of the Succulent bed was a rim of plush green grass and in the very middle were four giant, smooth, flat rocks which made a patio area complete with a small coffee table and four wingback chairs.
Around the edge of the fence, streaming out from the small awning on the back of the house was a string of ancient bulbs that gave an enchanting glow to the space. Each corner of the fence held several different sized vases which had various vines and tall grasses hanging out ranging from moon flowers, to day Lilies and along the left fence was thick vines with green leaves that blew gently in the muggy night air.
The wooden deck only had three stairs but they were steep and tiny pots and clay jars which held weeping Succulents sat on the sides of each step. It was a beautiful sight compared to the dreary interior of the home and Harry wished he had explored this area sooner.
Now, the three sat around the coffee table, which was filled with candies, cakes, cookies and pumpkin juice, laughing at Ron's antics and calling each other out on various topics and subjects that always seemed to be missed while at school.
"And Harry took the rug and tossed it over Neveil, no, I swear it Hermione, he did, he threw it on top of him and the boy nearly passed out."
"Oh no-" Hermione giggled, "No, Harry you didn't!"
"I did." He said softly holding out a liqueurs wand to the girl.
Ron snorted as he bit the head off a chocolate frog, "Bloody what he gets for wanking in the dorm… no silencing charm or nothing...he slept in the common room for a week after."
"So that's why he was always up before everyone else….poor Neville."
"Poor Neville?" Harry questioned.
"Poor us, is more like it… couldn't get the damn sound out of my head for a month...every time I looked at him I saw it...bloody tosser. Harry and I should be given money for trauma, ain't that right Harry."
And the boy nodded with a smirk as he looked down and tried to keep from laughing. He was about to hear Hermione go into the girls bathroom situation when a noise caught his attention. The three fell silent and looked over to the fence by the thick green vines, "Psst, Harry, over here mate."
And Harry instantly knew the voice, "Oh, uh, hold on guys….I just have to…"
Hermione eyed him warily, "Who is it? Harry we aren't supposed to even be out here….no one is supposed to be-"
"Just hold on." Harry said as he stood and headed for the fence. He glanced to the vines and get on their strength and took hold, climbing up and peeking over. Johnny stood on the other side, gazing up and rubbing the back of his head.
"Hey, you got a minute?"
Harry glanced back to Ron and Hermione who were looking at him and whispering, well, Hermione was whispering, more then likely for Ron to come get him lest they have to face Snape's wrath.
Harry quickly climbed the fence and dropped down to the other side, relieved to see the vines were on both sides, as he wouldn't have been able to get back over otherwise.
"Johnny, I can't be out right now, I'm not even supposed to be outside but Snape is gone and-"
Johnny pressed him to the fence in a second and brought his lips down on Harry's hard. The boy could hardly refuse because Johnny's hand was up his shirt and pinching a nipple quickly which made Harry's mouth fly open and Johnny certainly took advantage.
As their tongues battled Harry's hand came up and pressed on the boys chest while his other reached into the boy's hair and yanked hard, "Ow!" the boy hissed out as he finally released Harry's mouth, "You've got to stop doing that… currently it's not welcome...I'm still annoyed with you and on top of that those two people in there are my friends...and they don't know."
Johnny nodded quick and Harry released his hold but Johnny leaned in and said softly, "I just wanted to apologize, for being so bloody stupid and saying such dumb things… I'm leaving tomorrow, heading for London like you said… I may not see you again and I didn't want to leave on bad terms with you...it ate at me...I felt awful for it. Just...say you forgive me and I will be able to leave in peace."
"London? You mean, you're actually doing it? Going?"
"Yeah, you were right, I can't stay here… I just can't… I don't know if I will be back for school but if I had my way I'd never go back. If I had my way...you'd be coming with me... tonight we would be together...by the old grandfather oak...we'd make love and as soon as the dawn broke we'd be gone."
Harry felt a slow heat in his stomach, a wishful swoon in his heart at the idea of running away from all his problems and woes… but his reality was set in stone so all he could say as his voice broke and his eyes watered was, "I forgive you, for being an utter cock...and I am sorry… about what I said. I didn't mean it the way it sounded… I was just…"
Johnny kissed him gently, so gently that Harry felt a shiver run up his spin but out of the blue and image of Snape appeared in his mind and the heat instantly washed away, like a cold bucket of ice and he felt an irritation unlike any he had felt before creep into his chest.
When Johnny pulled away he took up the boy's chin gently, "If things don't work out with… if things just don't work out...leave a warm spot for me in your bed, alright?"
Harry looked at him with sad hollow eyes but nodded nonetheless and as Johnny turned to go Harry knew his great night had just turned into something miserable.
PAGEBREAK
When Severus returned home he hesitated at the door, his hand still solid as a rock but his insides at war, his mind going over Minnie's diagnosis and subsequent warning. His anger was building, his frustration straining and he knew if he wasn't careful all this would go to hell in a handbasket really soon.
He walked in to find the sitting room empty, three bowls and several bags of cereal and crisps strewn about. A blanket, a pillow and a backpack had apparently been used to sit upon. He made to head upstairs, assuming the teens were in Potter's room when he heard a commotion through the kitchen and changed his trajectory quickly to see what the fuss was about.
"If you would just take off your shirt!"
"Hermione I'm fine!"
"Let the man be Mione, it's just some bumps."
""It itches…"
"Take off your clothes you stubborn idiot, it's Itchy Ivy you've climbed up in… it will spread if you don't-"
Severus stood on the back porch, looking at his private garden and wondering what had prompted the trio to find it. Then again, they always found trouble. The three stopped moving as he came to the top step, Granger in mid-process of removing Harry's shirt while Weasley was set in a chair with a handful of some ungodly colored candies.
Their eyes on him as he eyed the massive pile of candy, cake and cookie wrappers that littered the table.
"Sir!" Granger said as her face grew a deep shade of red, "I-"
Severus held up a hand and the girl fell silent, he descended the steps and came to stand before Harry, the boy tugging his shirt free from the girl as green eyes met black.
He scanned the boy over before gently raising a hand to take up his chin, his eyes scrutinizing the dark red spots erupting over his neck and arms. He turned the boy's face left and right to see the rash spreading quickly over his cheeks and forehead.
He gave a tired sigh and looked to Hermione and said softly, "Miss. Granger, please clean up the mess both inside and out. I will take Potter and get him cleaned up." Severus gently placed a hand on Harry's back and guided him towards the stairs. The shocked silence was evident but Severus just didn't have the mental faculties to care right now about any sort of punishment, especially since the only thing they had done was eat and get to close to his ivy plant.
He realized halfway up the stairs that the boy was sniffling and he couldn't help but tease him, "Honestly Potter, it's just a bought of Itchy Ivy, not even as bad as its North American relative...I have a salve that will clear it up, stop whining."
Harry sighed, "It's not the ivy, I'm fine sir." Severus knew it to be a lie and stopped the boy in the sitting room.
"What is it then?"
Harry looked at him and said softly, "It's...nothing...forget it, professor."
"Potter…" the man warned and finally those green eyes raised and he said softly, "Johnny's leaving...going to London."
Severus was unsure why this seemed to upset the boy, he had been able to tell Potter had always had missed feelings for the older boy. Perhaps it was because the boy had made brazen overtures of freedom and Potter felt like he had just lost some golden oppertu it.
Before Severus could try to the k of something to say Potter spoke again, irritation and mild anger lacing his voice, "why do people always have to leave? It's like I'm cursed...I told him to go...but now that he's leaving...it always happens so fast...just when I start to get used to someone...they just…" and the boy stopped then, looking down with arms hanging limply at his side and despite himself Severus remembered Minnie's words and knew he was going to comfort the boy despite his goal to stay aloof.
He placed a hand on the young man's shoulder, and slowly, as if Severus was hoping he would change his mind, pulled the boy close.
Harry's face pressed into his chest, the hairs of his head brushing up under the man's chin. His hands fisted the man's tunic as Severus continued to hold him.
"I'm a bloody child, just a big stupid child." Harry said bitterly but there were no tears in his voice, he sounded resentful, almost bitter and for some reason it made Severus smirk, a teen after his own heart was what Potter was becoming.
Severus's eyes caught movement and he looked to see Hermione standing in shock in the kitchen, Severus motioned with a finger for the girl to go and she quickly headed outside, leaving the bowl of wrappers on the table.
"I just get so sick of it...people leaving...everything changing all the time...I know people come and go...but only Ron and Hermione have ever really stayed by me. They never change… you don't change I guess and neither does Professor Dumbledore… but I keep changing… and I'm so angry about it...can we just stop for one bloody day?" he said miserably.
Severus gave a soft sigh and said gently, "Unfortunately Potter, as I've said so many times before, the world simply doesn't revolve around you and your needs, in fact… it's impossible to stop a day...not even the Gods can do that." and after a moment Harry pulled away, looking as miserable as ever and part of Severus wanted to tell the boy to suck it up, another part of him, the forbidden part...wanted to take the boy upstairs and put a different kind if look on that face...he subtly shook his head and banished the thought quickly….in this moment all he could do was replace his hand on the boy's back and gently guide him towards the bathroom.
PAGEBREAK
Harry sat on the couch as Severus continued to put more lotion on his rash. It had spread quickly, growing red, inflamed and itchy as Harry continued to scratch without realizing it. Ron and Hermione had left back through the fire in Severus's room, saying goodbye to Harry and promising to come back as soon as they were allowed.
The boy had been mostly quiet, sitting there staring into space and Severus was both grateful and dread filled. He had to speak with the boy once again only this time...beating around the bush wasn't an option. If he was going to take Minnie's advice he needed to take it seriously, which meant no pussyfooting.
Severus continued to rub the lotion onto the boy's skin, his entire back was covered, his arms, neck chest and stomach were covered as well. Even his hands, which had gotten the worst of it and were suffering from small blisters.
"Potter…." Severus started but his words failed him and so he simply ordered the boy to sit up, the older man circled the couch and started applying it to the boy's chest, stomach and collar bone. As he knelt before this young pup, green eyes so piteous, face completely indifferent and thin lips giving the barest hint of a frown, he couldn't help but to blame himself for it, though he knew it wasn't his fault.
"How was your visit with Granger and Weasley?" Severus asked, his tone even and soft.
"It was good." Harry said though he didn't elaborate.
"I take it Johnny housebroke to tell you the news of his imminent departure?" Severus pressed gently.
The boy simply nodded, "Thus your run in with my ivy patch, you climbed over, yes?"
"Yes, sir."
Severus didn't know why, but a small thread of anger laced around his heart, a faint jealousy tugging at the back of his mind though he didn't care to try and figure out why. Dissecting his conflicting feelings at the moment would only cause him to be short with the boy and he just didn't have it in him at the moment.
Still, the next question left his lips unbidden and he wanted to kick himself after, "Did he touch you?"
Harry seemed to pull back from his glazed state ever so slightly as those emerald eyes found his and they looked at each other a moment, Severus's hand pausing over the boy's heart.
"Does it matter?" the boy asked, his eyes betraying nothing though Severus saw Harry's fingers twitch, deciphering that response could take hours, though he was curious despite his goal not to be.
"Not if you don't care. I suppose it all depends on your level of acceptance. If you wanted it…" Severus didn't continue because he suddenly realized what he was doing and knew he needed to stop.
"Johnny is….was….always confident about his...about the things he wants." Harry said as he finally broke eye contact and gave a soft sigh.
Severus heard his voice grow firm as his hand rubbed up across Harry's rash covered skin to take his shoulder, his other hand came and cupped the boy's face moving it to look at him once more, "You are not a thing...nor an object. It does not matter now as he is gone, but if ever you find yourself in a bad way like that, you do not have to accept it.. you do not have to be everything for everyone… you can have as much or as little control over certain aspects of your life as you deem appropriate… anything else you must trust those around you...as long as you are certain they have your best interest at the forefront of their mind."
"Yes, sir."
Severus finished his application to the boys skin and then grabbed the rag on the coffee table to wipe his hands.
"Do you have my best interests at the forefront of your mind sir?" came the boy's soft call and Severus turned sharply to look at him, but as he expected to see some form of mockery, the wind was drawn from his sails of anger when there was true curiosity on his face. He didn't answer, letting his eyes speak for him as they narrowed and Harry looked away before he asked, "Where did you go today, Sir? Did Dumbledore send you on a mission?"
The sigh that escaped his mouth was more from fatigue then frustration, he sat down in his chair and picked up the tumbler of brandy he had poured earlier, taking a sip as he looked at the rash infested boy before him, "No, I needed to spend some time away, just as I am sure you needed some time as well."
"Where did you go?" the boy asked curiously as he reached for his shirt. Severus smacked his hand and Harry reeled back in shock, "A clean shirt Potter, not the one inoculated with Itching Ivy oils."
Harry smiled sheepishly, "If you must know I went to London, there is a cafe...they have good tea." Severus took another sip as he closed his eyes and rested his head on the backrest of his chair.
The silence was relaxing, no tension or cause for anxiety. Severus cracked his eyes to see that the boy was doing the same on the couch, head back, eyes closed, soaking in the quiet.
"I will take you sometime soon if we have the chance."
"Sounds excellent." the boy mused and Severus knew it was now or never.
"Potter… about what has happened between you and I-"
Harry opened his eyes and looked at him, his face remained unemotional as he waited, "I have crossed lines with you. Too many of them in fact. I know I was rather harsh with you this morning but I wanted to make it clear that there are some lines that cannot be crossed. That shouldn't be crossed….I expect you to have that understanding and to respect my wishes."
Harry seemed to digest this and then glanced at him from out the corner of his eye, "What lines can be crossed sir?" his tone was a little sore but Severus simply continued to look at him with relaxed eyes, "I can be your ear to listen if you need to talk, I can guide you through your confusions, whatever they may be and I can offer assistance as you need it. If you have need of me, my knowledge and experience….I will give it unbidden...anything else….I do not regret to say...is off limits."
He saw Harry's eyes grow angry, his brow twisting down as he looked away and red filled his cheeks, "I- understand Professor."
Severus felt the small ball of anxiety in his gut lessen at the boy's forced agreement, however, it was not to last as Harry stood then and rounded on him, coming to sit on the edge of the coffee table and lace his hands together as elbows rested on knees, "And what of later, sir?"
"Later?" Severus asked in mild confusion.
"I've only one year of schooling left, and at the end of the summer I will be seventeen...legal age...adult status….what if I have need of you then...what if I still want you then?"
Severus was shocked, utterly dumbfounded as he had not expected such a line of questioning to come from the boy, the soft spoken...sometimes timid and shy Harry Potter. His eyes narrowed dangerously though his insides were quivering with anxiety.
"At that time you will no longer be my concern." the words came out quick, he hadn't meant them to be harsh, he was only stating fact but the look of disbelief on Potter's face was evident and Severus instantly regretted his words.
Harry stood, his face red and his hands shaking, "Not your concern? Then what am I now? Your burden? I'm just everyone's burden? Crazy nutter Potter, unstable and unbalanced, a liar too...unwanted and unloved and only needed to fight other people's battles." He hissed out venomously and Severus felt his heart go cold at the sound of it.
"Potter, you know that is not what I-"
"Then what did you mean professor? Because, as far as I can tell you've not only been fighting against me...but fighting yourself as well! I can tell you know, I'm not stupid...as soon as I came here with you...as soon as we were alone together it started...remember the first time we touched hands?"
Severus stood then, his body stiff as he squared off and tried not to think about that strange shock that had occurred when they first touched, "Or when you rubbed my aching scar...there wasn't any salve or cream on your thumb...you made the pain go away...just you."
"Watch what you are implying you little-"
"Every single time you have touched me it is like fire….and I know you feel it too...within four days of being alone with you I've completely changed my opinion of you….what does that say about who you really are professor?"
Severus felt panic flare through his chest, his teeth gritting as he closed his eyes and tried so hard to keep his mouth from saying things...worse things….
"You've spent your life pushing others away, I can tell, it seeps off you like some negative slime that is repulsive to touch...you push and lash and verbally accost anyone who dares get close. I can see it because I do it too...we are the same-"
"Enough!" Severus yelled and his voice resonated throughout the small home. The silence was filled with the crackle of the fire and the angry heat between the two. Green eyes stared down black ones and as Potter took a step to him Severus grabbed the boy's throat as he was not wearing a shirt.
Harry's lips were inches from his as he grunted at the tight squeeze the man gave to make his point, "Don't." Severus warned, Harry's eyes spoke volumes of defiance and Severus leaned just slightly closer, "You will regret it." He warned again.
"I won't." Harry assured him, "And I don't think you will either, sir."
Severus growled faintly as his hand squeezed tighter and his eyes narrowed, Harry's breathing became nothing but strained wheezes but still he persisted and as the boy pushed forward Severus had to step back.
Harry brought a hand up and Severus glanced at it from the corner of his eye, he had chosen to raise the hand on the side that Severus was using to grab his throat.
That hand came up, gliding from his cheek, up over his temple and gently into his hair and Severus had to fight hard to control the burning that started instantly at the touch. He swallowed and realized he had to do this quickly, and he released the boy's throat and swiped the hand away, which Potter had counted on. The boy shoved and Severus was propelled back against the bookcase. His other hand came up to take hold of Harry's throat again, this time his free hand managed to grab both wrists, yanking them up between them.
Now, with one hand gripping the boy's neck and the other around Harry's wrists, neither had free hands that could roam but Potter had gained another inch closer.
"You tricky little brat." The man hissed out angrily.
Harry smirked despite his obvious discomfort and he said softly, "You never knew this Professor, but the sorting hat wanted to put me in Slytherin…."
Severus's eyes grew wide at this revelation, "The only reason it didn't? Because I asked it not to….so there is a very good chance...I'm far more cunning than either you or anyone else has given me credit for."
And Harry pressed up on his tiptoes, closing that small distance that Severus had been sure he was too short to breech.
As the boy's lips pressed to his Severus moaned desperately into the boy's mouth as his chest and head exploded and he realized the flints had just sparked.
A/N: Hope you liked this, R&R and let me know. Next chapter is coming soon.
