A/N: hey crew! Sorry this took so bloody long! I try to hit 11,000 words each chapter to keep them consistent, this one I really had to push and got caught several times on how to move on. It's been awhile since I have done the whole plot thing and not just a random one-shot.
WARNINGS: MINOR SCENE OF NON-CONSENSUAL PHYSICAL CONTACT….A.K.A ASSAULT AND EXPLICIT LANGUAGE, VERY MINOR SCENES OF HINTED SEXUAL DESIRE BETWEEN TWO MEN AND SOMEONE TOUCHES THEMSELVES….THREE GUESSES WHO….PLEASE DO NOT READ IF ATTEMPTED ASSAULT STRIKES HOME...YOU ARE ALL LOVED AND NO ONE SHOULD EVER BE PUT IN THAT SITUATION OR HAVE PTSD VIA FANFICTION...NOT WORTH IT.
Also, sorry but this is a rough draft, VERY weak edit as work has been crazy this week and smoke breaks are few and far between. Much love and enjoy, Apprentice08.
Chapter Nine
Be my Lover or be my Friend
You can't have both
Not in the End
Severus felt his heart pounding, his brain rushing fast and trying to catalog and experience his emotions and the feeling of this moment. Harry was working his mouth hard, having freed a hand while Severus had been too shocked to focus on his grip. He used that hand to run into Severus's hair, eliciting a gasp from the man and an entry point for his youthful tongue.
His grip around the boy's neck had faltered, giving Harry more range of motion to turn his head to the side, cocking his chin out and really pressing his tongue deep. Severus was on the edge of reason, every ounce of his body wanting to take the boy up in his arms and crush him against the wall behind. The part that actually mattered, the part that was cold, logical and screamed at him to stop this madness was getting fainter and further away.
Luck seemed to be on his side though because when the boy started to softly rub his groin against Severus's the man snapped out of it. Using sheer force of will he found enough strength to bring his hands up swiftly, breaking all connection between them and then shoved the boy away.
Harry stumbled back but Severus didn't give him a second as he came forward and backhanded Harry across the face. The smack wasn't that hard but as Harry hit the floor the sound resonated and the instant Severus felt the sting of it in the back of his hand he knew he had done something far beyond not good.
Harry's green eyes looked up at him from his spot on the floor, pure anger and resentment filling them with the hatred that was usually so absent. Severus continued to stare as he let out harsh ragged breaths, every muscle tense, every ounce of anger, rage and frustration, both sexual and otherwise uncomfortably laced through each pore of his body, disappointment in himself and the feeling of failure coating his very being.
"Potter...I-"
"Don't...just don't even bother. You want to fight this… fight yourself...be my guest….but I won't. Eventually you will want to accept it, you better hope when you do I still want it too." and the boy stood up and crossed to the couch, grabbing up his shirt and yanking it on as he turned and headed for the door.
Severus didn't stop him, but the instant it slammed he knew his night was just beginning for he could not let Harry wander through the darkened streets of this area alone. He slowly untensed his body, took the last swig of his brandy, and straightened out his clothes.
Darkness was his friend, he could follow without being seen, he would deal with all the rubbish and emotional turmoil when the boy was back safe with him, back where he belonged.
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Harry was furious, so angry that he thought he might explode. His legs propelled him through the night, propelled him through the darkness. His ears not hearing the muffled yells of other people and their problems, his eyes not seeing the stray cats slinking into the dark nor did his nose smell the acrid scent of urine and sewage which permeated the air.
He wanted to yell, to hit things and throw things and beat the ever living shite out of that stubborn, in denial, utterly frustrating, unwilling man who couldn't understand the situation even if it was explained by a god damned genius.
Harry knew the man wanted to do this, to be with him. Even if the man was just curious, or just plain God damned horny it didn't matter. Harry wanted the same thing, because he knew something was going on. There was a pull between them. It was like, the instant they had finally seen each other, the real each other, nothing in the past mattered. It was as if this was supposed to happen, as if it was MEANT to happen. Harry wasn't the smartest person in the world, he wasn't that clever or even that quick witted but he could tell just by sheer observation alone that there was a pull...an irresistible urge to pursue Snape. And Harry knew, he just knew the man was aware of it too.
Harry rounded a corner, not paying attention to the deserted lane he was walking up, his anger overruling his common sense as he continued to walk, his eyes on the ground and hands in his pockets. His rash was near gone, though he had no doubt the damn thing would resurface given he had grabbed the same shirt he had been wearing before.
Still, as his fingers dug and itched at his arms his anger only got worse.
"Idiot!" Harry barked out, unsure if he was talking about himself or Snape, but still feeling a small roll of satisfaction at the announcement. Before long he realized the broken up bricks of the lane had turned to gravel, a few feet later it turned to dirt and then he was on a path.
His eyes scanned up and there on the hill he saw the old grandfather oak, all twisted and leafless as it stretched into the moonlit sky. He sighed and shook his head as he decided to go for it.
As he plunged up the hill and climbed the steep backtrack he wondered exactly how old the tree was. How many star crossed lovers had met here under the cover of darkness to be with a forbidden lover. How many families had picnicked under it, how many kids had climbed it. The hollow center showing it had been many a year since the tree's youthful days filled with the essence of life.
Still, as he reached the top his hand came to rest on the stale bark as his eyes scanned up to see through the gnarled branches and gaze at the cool blue of the moon.
"You actually came." and Harry spun around so fast his heart near stopped, "Johnny?" Harry asked through the dark and from the surrounding bushes the boy emerged, washed in moonlight and a smile.
"You said you were leaving… I thought…."
"I said I was leaving tomorrow...that if I had my way I'd take you with me, meet you at the old oak and make love to you til the sun rose, then we would go off….not exactly subtle but apparently far too subtle for you." He teased with an ecstatic smile on his face.
"You mean...that was a message?"
"Way to subtle for you." He laughed playfully as he slowly came to stand before the boy, "But even so, as it went over your head it leads me to wonder how you came about finding me anyway….perhaps it was meant to be." and the boy gently leaned in and kissed him softly.
At first Harry didn't mind, it was a simple and gentle kiss, sure to give him a small confidence boost if nothing else. But when Johnny cupped his jaw with a hand and went to deepen the kiss the smell and taste of booze hit his senses and Harry felt alarm bells go off and he pulled back.
"You've been drinking."
"A final goodbye." the boy said brazenly as he tried to lean in again.
Harry persisted and pressed the boy back, "Johnny, I didn't come up here to meet you...subtlety has never been my strong suit, believe me, you can ask my friends and teachers...but even so….I can't...I'm not going to...I don't want to do what you may THINK I want to do. I'm not ready….and anyway… I'm dealing with some stuff that makes my current position way too complicated."
Johnny chuckled as he pinned Harry between himself and the tree, "Don't you worry about your position, I've got several for you that will take all that weight right off your shoulders…and put it on your back-" and he leaned in again aiming for Harry's neck.
"Don't." Harry warned and the irony of his situation was not lost on him, Severus had been him not even twenty minutes ago. The roles were reversed and suddenly the guilt that hit Harry felt like a ton of bricks on his heart.
"Come on Harry, I know you want to….you've already gotten hard…" and the boy's hand reached down and groped his crotch painfully, Harry's teeth gritted and he hissed out, "Stop! That hurts-"
Johnny didn't seem to hear and Harry blamed the older boys booze fueled libido as pale lips leaned in and opened to bite Harry's neck.
"Johnny! Knock...it...off!" and Harry shoved, the taller boy losing his footing and stumbling back.
Harry looked after him and said through panted breaths, "I don't want you….I want Snape! I like Snape, alright! I want to BE with Snape. You and I? We can be friends but I won't cross that line with you, got it?"
Johnny's face contorted in the moonlight and he stood, hunched over and panting, "You are very loyal to that man very bloody fast considering he doesn't even want you! He isn't interested Harry, not like me, I want to be with you….and your pining over a man you just met, you barely know... who wants absolutely NOTHING to do with you! Just accept his refusal and move on."
"I could say the same to you." Harry bit out with annoyance.
Johnny growled in anger as he started to approach and Harry backtracked, the damn tree catching him again and this time Johnny's hand came into his hair, yanking it hard enough to make Harry grunt, "I like you, I want you and as far as I am concerned you are MINE! We should be together! Stop going after some uncaring cruel areshole and come to me! I care! I wouldn't hurt you!"
"You're hurting me now!" Harry barked as he tried to twist away, "If you'd just relax and listen to me...I promise I will stop!"
"You bloody liar! You need to go home and sleep it off! You're drunk and not thinking clearly!"
"Oh, I'm thinking just fine! If the only way to get you to understand is with a little pain then so be it. Now, get on your fucking knees! I'm going to show you how much I care, then you'll understand and the professor won't even be a god damn blip on your fucking radar. "
Harry's knees gave as the boy punched him in the stomach and his breathing came in muted pants as he tried to wrestle away. Johnny's grip in his hair was like iron and Harry suddenly wished he hadn't left the house.
"You'll see, you'll love it...just wait…" Johnny whispered and Harry's fist shot out as soon as the boy's face was close. He got Johnny across the jaw but when the boy stumbled back he didn't release his hold and Harry was pulled with him.
They rolled down a few feet before Johnny finally let go and Harry took off back up the hill, near diving over the other side but Johnny was just as fast and the boy tackled him and they rolled again. Down they went, rolling over rocks, sticks and craggy slick earth. When the icy waters of a small pond hit his body Harry gasped before his face disappeared below the surface.
Johnny ended up on top and he yanked Harry's head out of the water by his shirt as he straddled the boy, "Why won't you give me a chance!" he yelled as he stared down at Harry near crazed.
"I told you, I WANT SNAPE!" Harry dared to bite back.
Johnny's palm whipped across Harry's face so fast the smaller boy hadn't even seen it coming, "Wrong answer. Now, tell me, who do you want?" the boy asked with warning.
"Snape!" Harry exclaimed and another hand smacked across his face before he was dunked under water. Harry struggled in earnest, his hands grabbing onto the boy's wrists and digging at his fingers and skin. When he was hauled up again he gasped for air and realized his glasses were gone, the blurry image above him was nothing but a water logged smear, still, he could hear the voice just the same.
"Once again Harry, who do you want?"
Harry repeated his previous comment and was greeted with much the same response, a hard smack and a dunk. Harry's lungs were burning, his head dizzy and aching like a ticking time bomb inside his head. He was going to black out soon if Johnny didn't stop, though his hands weakly continued to pull on those wrists, now relatively red and scratched up from Harry's nails.
"Now, one more bloody time, who the fuck do you want?" Johnny sounded near irate now and Harry was ashamed to admit he hesitated.
Johnny seemed to catch it and he smirked a devilish smirk, near a leer at this point given his elevated state of mind, "Come on Harry, say it, who do you want?"
Still no words came out and Johnny leaned in closer, his lips nearly brushing past Harry's, "Just say my name...say my name and I will stop. We can go dry off...get nice and warm...and tomorrow we can go. Tonight… I swear I will love you so good...just say. My. Name."
Harry bit his lip and clenched his eyes shut, "Severus." He said softly and this time a fist crashed across his cheekbone, the pain rippling through his face, though Johnny didn't dunk him, he pulled him to the shore and threw him down, "Are you kidding me! Are you fucking bloody kidding me!"
Harry felt anger surge in him, felt a sort of defiance he had not felt since he was facing down Umbridge and he narrowed his eyes as he glared daggers at the boy, "I want to be with Severus bloody Snape, even if he doesn't want me, I don't care! He is WHAT I want, I do not now nor will I ever...want...you!" Harry yelled as he kicked his foot out and landed a blow to Johnny's stomach.
Johnny recovered quickly and landed on the boy as he pushed Harry down onto his back and smashed him across the face again, "Don't you say his God damned Name! Do you hear me? Not a bloody word! You can't be with him, so you are going to be with me!" and as Johnny yanked his fist back for what seemed to be the final blow Harry braced for the impact but the pain didn't come and Harry was startled when he heard a yell.
He sat up and there at his feet stood Snape, a black tower in the moonlit, looking at Johnny with a stony face and tightly fisted hands.
"I suggest you keep your hands to yourself, lest you have to deal with someone of far greater height and plenty worse temper."
Johnny seemed stunned a moment but stood up and lumbered forward, "You! You fucking...why...why does he want you! I'm better, I actually care about him…. I like him...I WANT him...you don't give two fucks yet all he wants is you! HE IS SO BLOODY LOYAL TO YOU! You've done nothing, you've been nothing! You just stand there and refuse his heart and I have to beg for a god damned morsel!"
Snape said nothing and Harry suddenly wished he had his glasses, he wished he had fought harder, he wished he had simply walked away from Johnny...instead...Johnny was spewing Harry's feelings out to the very man he had just put in the same position.
"Why does he like you! You mean, cold, black hearted thing! Harry, I'm sorry… please...I'll go home and sleep it off. But, come with me...dont stay with this arsehole …..don't stay with someone who doesn't care. I care, I promise I won't hurt ya again just...give me a chance...one bloody chance...I can make you happy."
And Harry stood then, his anger no longer a driving force and he held his face in one hand while his other hand held his stomach, he looked at the boy who was now on his knees, sunken to the ground in his drunken lament.
Harry felt pity for him, felt bad...but he didn't feel such a strong remorse when he spoke next, "I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be...but I-" and Harry looked down as he closed his eyes and said softly, "Just go home Johnny. Sleep it off, and tomorrow, get on the train and go start your life and forget you ever met that tosser Harry Potter." and when Harry turned to go he felt Snape turn with him and follow, a warm hand coming to rest on his shoulder and guide him through the blurry darkness.
When he heard Johnny weeping into the ground he forced his feet to keep moving forward and for the first time in a long time felt that for a brief moment some part of him was free.
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Severus helped Harry up to his room at the end of the hall, depositing the boy, sans his wet and soiled clothes onto his bed. He then walked slowly to his lab cabinet and took out several potion vials.
When he came back the boy was staring off again, no doubt playing through the night in his head….the turbulence near cruel. There had been no need for Johnny to act that way, no need to be so violent...but Severus wasn't surprised. The children in this small area learned from watching their parents, no doubt Johnny was no different, and his home was probably just the same as every other home in this dark and unloved place.
Severus handed the boy the potions which he drank without question, just another day in the life of Harry Potter….more scars to gain, more cuts to heal. Then the older man knelt down and started the long process of reapplying salve for the new rash that had sprouted all over his body and another salve for the boys bent and bruised face.
Neither said anything for a long time but Severus did finally break the tension as he rubbed some salve under the boy's right eye, "I am sorry I did not come quicker. I wanted to let you calm down. I didn't think that you'd run into him considering he was leaving."
"I didn't either." Harry said softly as he continued to stare off, his face void of all emotion save that slightly traumatised gleam in his eye.
"I should have been there...or stopped you from leaving but-" and the man stopped as he saw a single tear roll down from the boy's eye. But that was all that came, all Severus figured the boy could spare and he watched as his own thumb gently wiped it away.
"Potter-" he said softly and finally Harry's head turned, his eyes lingering in the wall before they fully faced him and he said in a near haunting voice, "I did that to you didn't I? Made you feel that way… tried to force myself on you...tried to force my feelings on you...and you didn't want them...but I should have listened...should have respected the fact that you don't like me that way...that you don't WANT to like me that way."
Severus continued to stare up into that face, his thumb rubbing at another stray drip of water from the boy's hair, "I'm just as cruel as Johnny...just as uncaring and greedy and...mean." Harry said softly to himself.
And Severus felt a wells worth of emotions swell up in him, but as was his mode of operation his face remained stoic, "There is a difference between what you did to me and what Johnny did to you." and Severus watched his fingers as they gently stroked more salve over the cuts across the boy's cheek bone, eyebrow and the bridge of Harry's nose, "I never said I didn't want you." and Harry's lips parted softly as his brow folded down ever so slightly.
"Come, you'll catch your death. A hot bath and then bed, it will help dull the aches that are sure to come tomorrow if you soak tonight."
The boy simply nodded and didn't say a word and for that Severus was entirely grateful.
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Severus leaned against the wall outside the boy's door, the house was still, totally quiet. His arms were crossed over his chest, the bottom of his left foot braced against the wall. Harry was long since asleep, the soft sound of his gentle breaths barely audible from Severus's spot. He had waited for two hours, his eyes locked onto the same spot on the floor, his fatigue a thing of the past.
He was battling himself, his eyes still burning that hole in the floor, brow furrowed in consternation as he debated doing something very illegal. It would not be as you suspect, for his wand was held firmly in his right hand.
Slowly, as if he had just made up his mind but couldn't quiet bring himself to act upon it, the man's stood, turning and moving silently into the boy's room.
He stood there next to Harry's bed, looking down on that nearly healed face, a bandage around the deepest cut on his brow and the black under his right eyes just barely faded. His face was peaceful, his breathing deep but despite the law and his reservations Severus didn't hesitate to slowly bring his wand up and place it just above the boy's temple.
He closed his eyes and mentally spoke the spell, removing the last four hours worth of memory from the boy's mind. He placed them in a vial and then headed for his room.
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Severus had to know, had to make absolutely sure that that putrid slime had not….the boy's eyes spoke volumes, spoke of a deep trauma, but Severus could not tell if it was due to post traumatic stress or something that had occurred prior to Severus's appearance on the scene tonight.
You should have followed closer, should have left sooner… you hesitated….you never hesitate….
He knew Potter well enough to know that he did not like to talk about his past traumas, be it from his relatives or from the Dark Lord himself, yet if Harry had been….assaulted….had been….raped…..he needed to know.
There was no evidence to suggest it save for the way the boy had spoken…..save for the things he had said after…..that look in his eyes….and as his guardian Severus wanted to be prepared….prepared for a different kind of mission...a different kind of hurdle that could come sweeping down from the mountain and consume Harry in a completely different way.
So, despite how wrong it was to do this without Harry's permission, despite how illegal it was to steal someone's memories….he did what he always did… he did what needed to be done.
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Severus watched, his face remaining mostly neutral save for that slight tilt of his brow, the barely visible widening of his eyes as Harry climbed the hill to the old oak. A place Severus knew well, where he and Lily had spent their summers.
Johnny emerged moments later and the conversation at first was harmless, so was the kiss...though Severus felt his heart twist in jealousy and this time he didn't try to suppress it.
"You've been drinking."
"A final goodbye."
"Johnny, I didn't come up here to meet you...subtlety has never been my strong suit, believe me, you can ask my friends and teachers...but even so….I can't...I'm not going to...I don't want to do what you may THINK I want to do. I'm not ready….and anyway… I'm dealing with some stuff that makes my current position way too complicated."
"Don't you worry about your position, I've got several for you that will take all that weight right off your shoulders…and put it on your back-"
Severus felt his fists tighten, his teeth grit and his mind fill with anger but he continued to watch….he watched everything. Following the boy's through their scuffle and up over the old oaks hill to the icy pond on the other side.
"Why won't you give me a chance!"
"I told you, I WANT SNAPE!"
SMACK!
"Wrong answer. Now, tell me, who do you want?"
"Snape!"
THWACK!
"Once again Harry, who do you want?"
"Snape!"
CRACK!
"Now, one more bloody time, who the fuck do you want?"
Severus watched as the boy hesitated, could see Harry was close to losing consciousness and his panic was the only thing keeping him going.
"Come on Harry, say it, who do you want? Just say my name...say my name and I will stop. We can go dry off...get nice and warm...and tomorrow we can go. Tonight… I swear I will love you so good...just say. My. Name."
Severus thought the boy might break, felt his heart wilt a little at the prospect but was beyond surprised when Harry held true to him, his breath catching in his throat at the sound of his name crossing the boy's lips, "Severus."
As Johnny pulled Harry out and tossed him down Severus realized this was where he was about to intervene.
"Are you kidding me! Are you fucking bloody kidding me!"
"I want to be with Severus bloody Snape, even if he doesn't want me, I don't care! He is WHAT I want, I do not now nor will I ever...want...you!"
The kick was admirable, but Johnny had been too drunk to really feel it.
"Don't you say his God damned Name! Do you hear me? Not a bloody word! You can't be with him, so you are going to be with me!"
Severus looked away then, never one to like seeing himself in full view, he hated it actually. He waved his wand and was pulled from the memories. He sat down on the edge of his bed and put his face into his hands.
Harry had not been assaulted, his body remained his own and no one had yet to manage mutilating his kind heart. Harry could still trust, still forgive and still live with himself a few more years.
Severus looked up then, his eyes slowly scanning over to his miniature pensive that he kept under his bed. An old training tool from Dumbledore when the man had helped him to perfect his Occlumency.
Those images played over and over in his head, the boy's utter determination, his loyalty that was not warranted...his steadfast want for a man who was probably worse then the boy who had beaten him.
He wanted to laugh at the cruel irony, wanted to cry at the injustice of it all….because for the first time in his life...someone was falling in love with him and Severus Snape was duty bound to both see it through and keep from reciprocating.
Alone protects you Severus….don't get any crazy ideas…..alone is safe and alone is what you need to remain...just do your mission and put it out of your mind. You have almost completed your task...he cares about you...trusts you….see it through and you can walk away a clean man...a better man…..Potter will recover….he will be fine.
His eyes glanced back to the pensive, his hand fisting around his wand hard.
"Don't do it…." He said tightly.
But Severus wasn't a coward, no matter what his conscious mind tried to tell him, he wanted to know...he needed to know...how he felt about the boy down the hall...what he really wanted, even if he couldn't act on it it was time to put his confusion to rest.
Slowly, he raised a hand as he focused on the floor and with a gentle twist of his wrist the lights dimmed. He set his wand on the night stand and began to undo his tunic. He placed it at the foot of the bed and then stiffly laid down.
Closing his eyes his hand slid down and he touched himself. Slowly, he pulled to his mind an image, one of Harry bent over the couch, then another image of his hands taking up that narrow waist….he imagined a soft moan and then the feeling of sliding into Harry's body from behind.
Severus….
He felt his member stiffen, felt heat pool in his belly and a wave of sharp pleasure wash across his mind.
Moments later he sat up in shock and stared wide eyed at the foot of his bed, panting as he realized the truth of the situation.
"Bloody hell." He whispered as he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.
Up until this moment, those forbidden images had seemed like what-if thoughts, now, having taken only five seconds to try and gage his reaction, Severus knew that bloody fool down the hall was right. That Minnie was right.
In the near infinitesimal time he had spent with the boy their views of each other had changed. With that change came an understanding, with that understanding had come a twisted speck of alleviation for their isolated and damaged souls…..and once their souls had brushed together….
"Please, God's, Lily, please help me." He whispered as he came to realize he was not going to make it through this summer. One way or another Potter was going to have him, be it by his sheer force of will or by Severus finally breaking under the heated tension and pressure continuing to form between them.
The only question now?
How long could he hold out.
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Harry woke as he did every day, from bad dreams and worse memories. He lay there in a sweat as he noticed the sun was just coming up, "I just want to sleep." He groaned as he pushed himself up and felt the fatigue that laced his body yearn to press him back down. His face hurt like hell and felt stiff and swollen despite the salves Snape had applied and the potions Harry had drank.
"I'm not doing this today." He murmured and he stumbled forward, wrenching open his door and making his sleep blind way down the hall. He knocked on the door softly, "Professor...Professor...are you awake?"
Still no response, so once again Harry dared enter without permission and braved any punishments that might come his way.
The room was dim again save for the warm glow of those embers and the scene made him think of the first time he had been here, had done this...there was even a mountain of pillows and blankets and Harry wondered how the man didn't boil alive under such extremes.
He walked around to the far side and stood staring down at the man who was sprawled out on his back, arms flared out above his head and cotton pants riding low. Harry shook his eyes away, determined to be more respectful and considerate despite his uninvited intrusion into the man's private quarters.
He reached a hand down and shook the man gently, "Professor….please….wake up…"
Slowly the man seemed to come around and he sat up in his bed, the surprise evident on his face, "Potter? What the bloody hell-"
"Please...I can't...I need sleep. I'm so tired...can I have a potion...the dreams are just...I need sleep." the boy asked desperately and Snape eyed him from under a quizzical brow, "Please." Harry repeated and the man sighed as he sat up more fully and rubbed at his face.
"Very well." Snape stood, his normally arrow straight posture horribly slumped as he trudged to the cabinet, his hip bones jutting and his cotton pants hanging even lower.
Harry shifted his tired eyes away from the man's nicely defined arse and back muscles, choosing instead to look at the floor.
Snape rummaged around in the dim light and finally seemed to find the bottle he was after, he uncorked it and turned to hand it to Harry sluggishly.
"Thank you sir, I'm sorry I woke you." Harry turned with bottle in hand but was stopped by the soft call of the man's voice, "That isn't dreamless sleep….it's a soother...it will remove your anxiety and help you relax enough to rest." Harry looked at the man over his shoulder, who appeared just as tired as he did and watched as Snape's eyes scanned his face and then looked to his bed.
There was a hesitancy, a certain glimpse of fear etched in those dark pools and Harry slowly turned fully to follow the man's eyes to his bed.
"Sir….I don't need you to…."
Severus brought fingers to the bridge of his nose as he sighed heavily and clenched his eyes shut, "I don't have the energy right now to stay up and watch over you, nor do I desire another panic attack or a caustic unconscious explosion of magic destroying your room. Just get in and shut up before I change my mind, if you dream I will wake you."
Harry nodded reluctantly as he came to the far side of the bed and sat on the edge, he downed the bottle and instantly felt the effects. His fried nerves quickly feeling cooled, his mind relaxing into a hazy fog. He laid down slowly as his eyes grew heavy, not responding when the bed dipped next to him.
"Heaven help you if you wake me again though, do try to keep your nightmares under control. Today, whenever we manage to catch up on the ridiculous amount of sleep we have been missing, we are going to start your lessons in meditation. Your sleep cycles are abhorrent and your dreams are ill timed and thoroughly inconsiderate to any sleeping person nearby." Snape said irritably.
"Yes, sir." Harry said though his voice was filled with the sleep already clouding his vision. Relaxing warmth and soothing waves spreading through his body as he finally plunged down into the sleep filled depth of the unconscious.
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Severus kept his hands to himself, but he laid on his side and stared at the boy for longer then he would want to admit to anyone.
In the dim light of his room he studied the contours of the boy's face, studied the thin lips and gentle swell of his cheekbones. When the boy's head lazily rolled to face him he observed the symmetry. Pale skin with a dark brow and little strands of short hair hanging down over the boy's face. The bandage and black eyes did not detour from the boy's looks and Severus found his was surprised.
As he looked at all the aspects of Harry's face as a whole, the boy's glasses still missing from last night's excursion, he realized this was not the face of a child. It was far too developed, more masculine than he had previously realized with only traces of Lily's feminine features around the eyes.
Without his say so, a hand reached out in the darkness, a finger hovering over those thin lips before they skimmed up to that brow, a finger delicately moving those loose strands to the side.
Severus withdrew his hand quick when the boy suddenly stirred, rolling right up against the man's chest, face nuzzled into his neck and hands resting lifelessly between their bodies. The temptation swelled and Severus's curiosity took hold and he gently, so very gently, wrapped himself around the boy, curling in and pulling him closer still.
He laid there, holding someone for the first time in his life, the other night didn't count as his experience had been jaded by booze, that person having no clue how much Severus was favouring the feeling of it. He sighed desperately as his eyes closed and his face pressed down gently into the boy's hair, breathing deep and nearly moaning as a scent other than his own filled his nose and curled like an intoxicating perfume around his brain.
"You're too warm….." came a murmur from the sleeping boy and Harry went to roll away.
"No..." Severus said sadly as he reached after him, carefully pulling the boy back to him so as not to draw Harry from his sleep. He pressed his chest to the boy's back, his eyes fluttering closed as that hair once again tickled the underside of his chin and his hands encompassed the youth around his waist.
"Stay." He said in a muted tone as he felt that same rapture as before cascade through him and feed his greedy heart.
"Stay with me." He whispered again softly into the boy's ear and his lips parted gently in utter pleasure as the boy gave a sleepy unaware response, "Yes, sir."
Nestling down he continued to hold on, knowing he shouldn't, knowing Potter should not catch him so swiftly giving in. But as the light started to truly fill the room, and dawn came he fell asleep with such a contented heart he couldn't care less if Dumbledore himself knew.
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Harry woke up feeling rested, for the first time in days. He shifted down deeper under the covers and breathed in a contented sigh as the smell of Rosemary greeted his nose.
He knew where he was, he did remember coming to Snape for a sleep aid, only to have the man do something unexpected. Harry wanted to stay here awhile, pretend to sleep so he could extend his time in such a warm soft place. But surely, Snape would be up to check on him soon and tell him to get out so he had better-
A yawn came from beside him and Harry's head lulled to the right and then down. Snape was curled into his side, one hand splayed out over Harry's chest, his head resting in the crook of where Harry's shoulder met his chest. Suddenly the weight of the man's leg, which was cast over both of Harry's own, floated to the front of his mind and Harry's face erupted fire red as he realized that Snape was cuddling him.
The man shifted then and yawned again as he stretched out, removing his leg but sliding his face up to rest next to Harry's own. His face pressed into the side of Harry's head as he inhaled deeply and the man's hand skimmed up Harry's chest only to stop at his shoulder where slender fingers hooked with relaxed ease.
Slowly, Harry shifted, so gently it took him near thirty seconds to reach his goal and he lay there on his side looking at that face, all hard edges and sharp curves. Deathly pale skin with black hair and brow contrasting like moonlight and darkness. His lips were thin but defined, his nose hooked but subtle and in this sleeping face Harry saw a sadness. The man's brow creased up, as he pressed closer and held on to Harry tighter, pressing that terrified face up under the boy's chin.
"It is... so nice." the man murmured and Harry smiled softly as a thought occurred to him that he could definitely take advantage of this moment he was experiencing without disrespecting the man's wishes to remain aloof.
If Snape woke up, he would fane sleep, and then neither could be held responsible, after all...what happens in your sleep isn't something you can control… right?
So Harry cuddled the man back fiercely, holding him, nestling into his neck, chest and hair. Taking advantage of something that was out of his control. Snape seemed mostly unaware and quite happy to reciprocate in his subconscious state and for a moment Harry felt better than he had in months.
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Severus woke up slowly, feeling that warm body next to his and wishing desperately he could remain wrapped about it like a rag doll. Sadly, if he had had the luck to wake up before Potter he needed to take it and count his blessings. Slowly he rolled away, feeling utterly relaxed and completely rest.
"Well that's new." Severus murmured as he sat up straight and heard his spine pop in multiple places, a result of several injuries in his youth and the devil-may-care way he slept every night.
When he stood he braced his hands on his knees and slowly rolled his spine out, more pops sounding until his posture was stiff and straight as a lance.
"I need to see a doctor." He winced out, bringing his hands to his lower back and helping to press his hips forward as more pops were heard.
Finally he grabbed his clothes, hesitating at the door to give a little jerk to his shoulders and one final loud pop rang out. "Better." He murmured as he left the room and headed for the shower. Little did he know Harry had sat up in the bed, eyes wide and tulips softly parted.
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"Sir…..how exactly does the laundry work?" Harry asked as he moved from the fridge to the kitchen table, cereal, a donut, slice of sweet bread and an apple filling his hands and arms as he sat down carefully.
Snape eyed his treasure trove of sickly sweet treats with horror before glancing to his own modest breakfast of oatmeal and toast.
"I see you figured out how to work the fridge." He said tartly.
Harry snorted as he took a bite of his donut, "Yeah, thanks for explaining that by the way, could have had pie for breakfast three days ago when I was craving it. Shouldn't have let you spell all my meals together."
To this Snape smirked and looked down at his paper, "Better I did, you'll be a fat hog by the time summer is over, bad news for body muscle."
And Harry slowly extracted the donut away from his mouth before he eyed it warily, "The, uh….laundry sir?"
"Yes, I have need to do my own as well. Just place it in the basket in the bathroom and I will have it done this afternoon.
Harry eyed him curiously, "Do you spell it clean?"
"No." Snape said slowly not bothering to look up.
"Then who does it?"
"Who do you think? I don't have any house elves. I do it myself…"
"You are going to wash my laundry?" Harry asked with surprise and he saw the man's fists tighten on the pages of his paper, "Potter, you were outside yesterday, you saw the limited space I have yes?"
Harry nodded as he picked up his apple and rolled it slowly between his palms to warm it up, "Then you know there is not enough room for two people to do it. It's either you or me and as I sincerely don't trust you with my clothes….I shall do it."
"I do laundry all the time at my relatives."
Snape finally shrugged his paper down, irritation in his eyes, "Do they have you do it with a cold water sink, soap flakes, a board scrub and a clothing press?"
Harry suddenly understood the man's reluctance to trust him and sighed, "No."
"Then regrettably I shall be forced to do it."
Harry tried to think of a way to contribute and suddenly said sheepishly, "You could teach me, sir. It's not fair for you to have to do all the laundry, I can do my own if you show me how. At the very least...I could...hang the clothes?"
The dark eyes studied him for a moment and then those lips pursed a little in thought before he finally nodded, "Very well, which would you like to learn first...laundry or meditation?"
Harry had completely forgot about agreeing to try meditation to help with his nightmares, his excitement grew a little at the prospect of doing something new.
"Meditation."
"As you wish, when you are done eating we shall begin, you may remain in your sleep pants, the shirt is optional but I highly recommend you go without as it will get hot."
"What do you mean, sir?"
"You'll just have to wait and see, I would prefer not to give you any preconceived notions." Snape took the last bite of his breakfast, and then stood and headed upstairs.
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Harry sat on the floor in the middle of Snape's room, legs crossed and hands on his knees. The curtains had been drawn, plunging the room into darkness and then candles had been lit throughout. Harry turned to see Snape pull his box of matches from the left pocket of his pants and strike it, the flame igniting brightly only to peter out and the heady smell of incense filled the room.
Finally Snape started to unbutton his tunic and he removed his shoes and socks. Harry watching each movement the man made with intense focus, the sight of his bare feet exciting Harry though he didn't know why.
"Meditation works differently for each individual. Some people need the dark to aid them, others need music. There are some who prefer to be outside in the forest and even some who like to be around water. It varies and may take you some time to figure out what environment works best for you. For now, we shall use this one. I find it works best for me in darkness, the candles giving just enough light to find my way back to the present. The intense smell of the incense calms my nerves and quells my anxiety as well as helps me focus."
"It smells like rosemary and clover." Harry said thoughtfully, "Impressive Potter, yes, a special blend I buy in Diagon Alley. Rosemary reminds me of my mother and the clover of...my childhood friend. Both people are...special to me, thus having their presence here creates a relaxing environment."
"The clover….it smells familiar….it makes me think of my mother." Harry said with a soft smile as he looked at the one large candle on the floor between them.
Severus felt his heart clench but did not physically show any signs of response, he had not considered that the clover would trigger such a memory. This was a cruel moment, as Severus could say nothing.
"You can use such things as familiar scents and images to put you at ease, to help you let go. The main idea behind meditation is to release all thoughts, feelings and emotions that can help to cause stress, anxiety and unwanted side effects from post traumatic stress. It helps you center yourself, helps you to focus but instead of trying to control and harness your emotions you simply practice letting go.
"In doing so you have less chance of a random stray thought or feeling jumping up out if the blue, as it were, and throwing your mind off the task at hand, whatever it may be."
Harry nodded and wondered if he might be better at this than Occlumency since he didn't have to try and control is emotions so much as release them.
"Once we begin you will pull to the forefront of your mind an emotion, thought or feeling that is bothering you or causing you anxiety. You will feel it, encompass it, welcome it and then, when you are ready, you will release it and let it go."
Harry met the man's eyes and nodded, "Very well, I will guide you through this first time, help you understand the process and then you can try on your own."
"Yes, sir."
"Close your eyes, relax your core and breath deep. Focus on one single emotion, one feeling that is troubling you….an image or memory that you cannot seem to shake."
Harry allowed his mind to run through many things and then stopped on one particular emotion that had been hounding him for days.
Hello, anger. Harry thought as his brow furrowed and he decided this would be his goal today.
"Do you have it?"
"Yes."
"Very good. Now, focus on it, embrace it, think of all the reasons you are feeling or thinking this way. What is the very root cause, always start at the root. If you do not remove the root the weed will grow back."
Images flashed through his mind, everything about his life that made him angry, everything that made him want to lash out and scream and shout, hurt things, hurt himself….hurt other people….at the very base of the vortex of chaotic rage stood Voldemort, cackling over the dead bodies of his parents.
If he hadn't killed them… this would all be different….I would be different….so many lives could have been spared, my life could have been good….could have been great….he ruined EVERYTHING….
Harry clenched his teeth, hands turning from loose and relaxed to fisted balls, his knuckles white.
"Remain calm, Potter. Embrace your emotion, let it flow through you. Accept it. Once you do you can allow it to dissipate." Harry tried, he really did but the more he tried to embrace it the more worked up he became. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right! It ruined his life, stole his happiness...and it felt good to be angry, felt good to let it consume him sometimes because he felt stronger, more powerful and he needed that power to….
A hand came to his right shoulder and Harry jumped a little, "I said to remain calm." the voice was soft but stern and Harry felt his shoulders slowly relax, "Unclench your fists." Harry complied.
Another hand came to his opposite shoulder and then the voice was right next to his ear, "Breath in…..breath out…..find the root again but don't fixate….just exist with it….allow it be be part of you but do not try to wield it. Let it flow through you, from your center out to the very tips of your body."
Harry did, he felt the anger and rage, felt it swirling in his chest and move a sharp toxic hate around his body and just as he was about to feel overwhelmed he felt those lips graze against his ear as Snape spoke, "Let it go." and Harry swallowed.
"Let it go, it doesn't matter. It's not who you are or want to be….just release it and move on."
"I don't know if I can-"
"You can." Snape said assuredly.
With those two words of surety Harry gradually let the anger swell and then slowly flow away. It trickled away over a period of minutes, but those solid warm hands did not move. They remained, a consistent and much needed pull back towards the here and now and when he felt the last of the anger leave him all his muscles seemed to relax at once and he felt a large puff of air gush past his lips.
That mouth was still next to his ear when Snape spoke, his words soft but even, "You chose a very hard emotion for your first attempt."
Harry sighed, "It's my main stress point…. How did you know which one I chose?"
"I could tell, every muscle in your body pulled tight, I don't think I've ever seen you so worked up….it's a rarity to see such hate on your face…." and the man trailed off as his thumbs started to slowly work on Harry's shoulder muscles, causing him to sigh in relief.
"Next time, consider trying to focus on an emotion that isn't so strong, one that you won't have to fight so hard to let go of. Anger is one of the hardest do to its nature to feed aggression and hatred. I know from experience."
Harry let out a soft moan in delight as the message intensified and Snape moved his thumbs up and down the back of the his neck.
"I've so much of it, but I don't like letting it show. I'm… ashamed of it. I don't want to be that way, but sometimes…." He trailed off not sure he wanted to tell the man such things, not wanting Snape to think him broken or mentally unsound, he had enough of that type of worry from everyone else.
Snape, however, pressed and as his fingers started to slide down to work on the muscles just over his shoulder blades he whispered out, "Sometimes?"
Harry spoke even softer, as if it was his greatest secret, as if it was the world's worst taboo, "Sometimes... it feels good."
And those hands continued to work as Harry leaned back into the tenderizing touch of his professor who said in such a heady voice that Harry nearly moaned again, "I know."
Harry's head turned slowly, his nose coming within an inch of Snape's cheek, the man continued to stare ahead as his hands continued to knead his shoulders into a liquid state, "I have known my fair share of anger, of hate and aggression laced with resentment and bitterness-" he turned his head then as well, their eyes meeting and for the first time as far as Harry could remember, Snape's face was completely unmasked and in those dark eyes sat such a pool of anguish Harry was too stunned to speak, "It will eat at you, make you so hollow your very existence feels pointless because you can do nothing about it. You must only embrace such feelings if you are willing to lay them to rest. Even after all my years, I still struggle as you do to accomplish such a task….but….I suppose it is reassuring to know that I am not the only one who enjoys a small taste of their dark side from time to time."
"It's delicious." Harry murmured before he could stop himself, before he could think it through and realize what he was saying, what he was implying and he felt Snape's hand running up his neck to cup the back of his head and lace fingers through his hair, felt his breath become shallow as his mind grew hazy.
"Exquisite." the man confirmed as he leaned in just a little bit more and Harry's heart started to hammer in his chest.
Snape's eyes started to close, his mouth started to open and just as Harry was sure he knew exactly where this was going a loud knock sounded from downstairs and both men instantly pulled away. Shivers culminated throughout Harry's body as the metaphorical spell was broken. Snape stood quick, donning his tunic and glancing over his shoulder as he disappeared out the door, light from the hall spilling in and coming to rest just at Harry's knees.
The boy slowly extended his hand halfway into the light, the heel and thumb still in shadow, "My dark side…" he murmured as a thought came to his mind, actually more of an idea… one he should have ignored instantly….but his muscles were still humming from Snape's touch, his heart still hammering and as he raised his head green eyes glanced to the hall, determination taking hold.
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Severus had nearly hexed Jimmy, and he would have if the boy hadn't been a muggle and accompanied by both Stacy and Minnie.
He had called Harry down when he let the three shuffle inside and only after escorting them to the couch. When Harry came down he was shocked to say the least, he didn't know why but he was glad he had put his shirt on.
"Oh my god, that damn arsehole." Stacy said standing and rushing to Harry and enveloping him in a hug. Her fingers gently traced over his bandage and black eye, asking him softly if he was alright.
"Yeah, thanks, but, uh, what are you guys doing here?" Harry asked, the thought of Johnny possibly asking them to speak to him on his behalf making Harry's stomach turn.
"We all went to the station this mornin' to see Johnny off, arsehole came up with a black eye. He told us what happened…."
Harry glanced to Snape in surprise, he had not realized Snape had hit Johnny, he had assumed the man had just shoved him away.
"When he told us, he broke down, had ta near carry him on the train." Jimmy said, "I would have tossed him around a bit myself but eh looked like you did enough damage between his bruised face and the broken rib."
Harry stepped forward, concern lacing his voice, "I broke his rib?"
"Ya kicked him right?" Stacy asked.
"Well, yeah, but I didn't want to… I didn't mean to hurt him...I just wanted him to...is he going to be alright?"
Jimmy nodded but grunted as well, "He will be, but he don't deserve the pity so don't bother. After what Stacy went through, to pull the same type of shite on you...he knew better...knew you wasn't interested. Why he made such a fuss-"
"He was drunk…" Harry started.
"No excuses!" Stacy snapped, "He knows better! The bloody hypocrite, after all the times he talked about sipping me da for drinking and hurting me….shoulda turned him into the bizzies. Coulda shared a cell with me da." Stacy said angrily, the first time Harry had ever heard her so.
"We came to make sure you were okay, to make sure he didn't cross certain lines." Minnie said and Harry's cheeks flushed as he shook his head, "No, Professor Snape found us before Johnny could- go too far."
"Angsty bastard." Jimmy murmured.
Minnie looked to Severus and gave him a serious face, "As his guardian I feel it is best I inform you so you can be prepared."
Severus looked at her as he sat down in his arm chair and frowned in annoyance, "Prepared for what, exactly?"
Minnie took a breath, "In my professional opinion, Johnny suffers from something I like to call a fixation disorder. He is brilliant, in all things, full marks in his schooling, ingenuitive, creative, confident….he would make a very good employee for anyone who hires him-"
"But?" Severus said doubtfully.
"But, Johnny's parents were….let's just say...they ignored him, neglected him….harshly….and no matter how hard Johnny tried to get their attention, break up their fights or tried to solve their problems, things never got better. It became a….focus of his….to try and mend it...to get their love….their acceptance...it developed into a mania...he can't break his desire to try and find a solution to the problem...which in his case would be not being wanted or loved. On top of that he made the realization that he is gay just last year."
"It's all so very interesting but...what does that have to do with myself or Potter?"
"Johnny's parents divorced two months ago, leaving him pretty much homeless with no place to go...he stayed in the basement of their old house when he could get away with it. He was doing okay, he was happy and able to function normally...but then…"
"I gave him attention." Harry said, his eyes wide and skin pale.
"A lot of attention." Jimmy said with a soft smile and Stacy punched him gently in the shoulder.
"It isn't hard to imagine how hard that would be for him...to get the attention...and in his mind…..the love he has wanted all his life...and Harry, your so very kind…." Minnie said as she took his hand from her spot on the couch.
"No doubt you could empathise with his loneliness and history of neglect." Harry cocked a brow at that and glanced to Snape, "Oh, no darling, Stacy shared just a bit of your history...nothing to personal...but we are all from unique situations….no judgment here." Minnie smiled and Harry smiled back softly.
"So, do I need to be concerned then about that rouge returning? Or do you think his little swim into bigger waters will help him cope with Potter's rejection?"
Minnie looked between the two and then sighed, "Honestly, I don't know… it's pretty much a fifty-fifty shot that he will be able to refocus his attention on someone or something else. He honestly just needs someone who can understand his condition. Once he starts to fixate on a problem he can't break away from it without a saver change in his routine…. A shock to his system if you know what I mean. This maybe just what he needs…."
"Or?" Severus said with irritation, "Or, he could be back within the week...aiming to try and finish solving his problems with Harry. It's nothing that you have to really worry about, I have a feeling that his nights of heavy drinking and poor decision making are going to be few and far between. He was very….upset about what he did to you Harry. When he left he was having trouble breathing he felt so bad, I do not honestly think he would have crossed that line, but we wanted to check with you to make sure. The ride alone may be enough to get his head thinking straight again….big changes are good for people like him."
Severus looked to the boy who held his eyes on the floor, unblinking and in deep thought the boy didn't respond much as the small group left a half hour later. Instead, he sat on the couch, staring at his hands and Severus had a very bad feeling that this situation with Johnny was far from over.
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They ate a late lunch and then they headed to the back porch, Snape had agreed after all to teach him how the laundry worked. They each carried a basket of their own clothes in their hands and once on the tiny porch Severus began the process of showing the boy how it all worked.
"Cold water allows the clothes to retain their normal shape and fit as well as keeps their color from fading over time. These soap flakes that you are so well acquainted with…" and Harry made a face, "Are cold water sensitive. You fill the sink, add the soap and let your clothes soak...add the soap to the water first and let it disintegrate so it doesn't stain. Then, a piece at a time you take your clothes and rub any stains, including sweat marks, out via this rubbing board. As so."
Severus took one of his tunics and using far more force than Harry thought would be necessary rubbed the article back and forth across the metal ridged plate.
"Once you've done all your clothes you bring them down to the laundry press. Line it up between the two rollers, and crank the handle, it removes most of the soap and water. Then the piece falls down into this wood barrel which has circulating clean water. Any remaining soap is removed, then you run it through the press again and hang it to dry."
Harry's mouth hung open as he stared at this strange artifact from another time, all wood and metal, porcelain and iron, he felt like he was back in Victorian England, needing Sherlock Holmes to solve him a mystery.
"Still want to learn and do it yourself?" Snape asked, his voice betraying a hint of humour but remaining mostly indifferent.
Harry glanced to the man and then back to this monstrosity of a thing, "You go first, finish your stuff and I'll hang it for you...then I will give it a go and see if I can….er….work this thing."
Snape rolled his eyes, a strange sight on the man he knew from school and turned away, "Very well, clothespins are in that satchel hanging off the awning, clip the seams not the fabric or you'll leave ghastly marks."
Harry nodded, and over the next fifteen minutes Severus washed and Harry hung up the man's clothes to dry, boxers included, which Harry noticed, to his shock, were a very dark blue.
Finally he had finished and went up the three steep stairs to take his turn. He emptied the sink of the dirty water and made fresh, measuring out the correct amount of soap flakes before putting his clothes in one at a time like Snape had once the soap was dissolved.
When he took the shirt to the rubbing board he moved it back and forth hard, his upper arms burning almost instantly as a small cramp formed in his right forearm. He then brought the shirt to the press and as he lined it up and grabbed the crank handle a hand took hold of his, "Watch your speed and your fingers, if the press catches you your whole hand will be mangled before you even realize to stop."
Glancing up, Harry nodded before he readjusted his hold on the shirt and started to slowly crank, Snape's hand falling away as he did.
Once it was through and resting in the tub below he started the process over. He went through each piece of his laundry, washing, rubbing and cranking. By the time he was done his arms and hands were throbbing.
"Alright, you hang them and I will do the final crank." Snape said, a hand coming to rest on Harry's shoulder, "I can finish sir, if you will hang."
Snape smirked down at him, "Stubborn today I see...very well, get moving then." and Harry smirked back, as he ran his clothes through the final press Snape would guide them through and then head down the stairs to hang them out.
When it was all done Harry wiped his brow and looked at the man, "How often do you do this?"
"Usually three times a week."
Harry's eyes grew wide as he looked back to the machine and let out a puff of air, "You're joking."
"Not hardly, the more often you do it, the less clothes you have, thus the shorter and easier the job." Snape unbuttoned his sleeve quickly, Harry trying to see how he did it so fast given the amount of buttons.
When Severus reached his hand into the water to open the drain Harry saw the tendons in his arm flex, saw the veins protruding and lacing around his arm. His eyes couldn't look away, admiring the thick strength they seemed to hold and wishing rather desperately that the arm in question would wrap around his waist instead.
As the water sunk from the sink and out of eyesight Harry scanned up and realized the man was glancing at him, his face intrigued as to what the boy was thinking.
Harry felt his cheeks explode with color so he quickly asked, "Is this your garden?" his eyes left the man by the sink and walked down the stairs and into the yard. With light shinning down, despite the smog filled air Harry got a much better look at it and realized it was quite lovely.
"It was my mother's, though it had died quite quickly in her absence. It's only been in the past several years that I've been able to mend it." Snape said as he slowly descended the stairs.
"Well, it's brilliant." Harry said turning slowly around to get the full view. When he was about to reach the end of his circle he started a little at the sudden appearance of Snape, who now stood right behind him.
"Thank you." the man said softly.
They stared at each other a moment and then Snape seemed to make a realization, "You've gone all day without your glasses…."
Harry's hands came to his face and he made a funny face, "Yeah...I guess...I have." it was odd he hadn't noticed. Perhaps it was because half the morning he had been in the dark, and the rest he had been so distracted by thoughts he shouldn't even be having he hadn't been focusing or trying to see anyway.
"Come, we shall go fetch them."
"Now? In broad daylight?" and Snape stopped to give him a strange look, "Yes, we aren't only able to go out at night, Potter. Despite what all first years think I am not a vampire and I do enjoy a good walk."
Harry smirked a little and then slowly followed the man back towards the house, he had another strange thing to add to his list of oddities, taking a stroll with Professor Snape.
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Severus didn't know why he hadn't noticed before, but the fact he had allowed Harry to go almost all day without his glasses was foolish. Yet, something about seeing those green eyes without that damn glass in between was alluring.
So far today, he had done well, he had behaved himself and kept in check….mostly….the meditation had gotten a little out of hand….but in that short space of time….in his room in the dark….with that incense burning and his body tightening up...that look of raw unbridled rage on his face and sweat on his brow, Harry had looked...scintillatingly attractive.
There was no denying that Harry Potter had a very angry and very dark side to him...a side he tried not to show others because he claimed to be ashamed. It had been so tempting to let the boy stew like that, pure anger and raw energy pouring off him….but the instant the candles started to float and the flame had turned a white hot blue Severus knew he had to pull the boy back.
Meditation for magic folk was different than meditation for muggles, it was true the core ideas and philosophies were the same, but magic folk actually did connect and move these energies through their bodies. Meditation could be very dangerous if an untrained witch or wizard tried without guidance.
Harry had been unaware of his magical response, had not known how pure an anger rested over his heart. Severus wondered how much of it was his own and how much of it was from the Dark Lord's many mental visits and manipulations. When minds joined pieces always got left behind, they fade out over time but it could sit within the other person's body for days...even weeks. The side effects were terrifying if the person wasn't prepared to deal with another being's aura.
Occlumency helped in this, so did meditation and Severus was not surprised to see Harry was more skilled in the later as it was a direct link to his emotions versus Occlumency which required you to distance yourself from them.
They had been walking in silence, enjoying the late afternoon, watching as the cloudy amber light of the sun streamed through the dead trees and made the old neglected town just a little less scary. The haze remained as ever and so did that regrettable smell, but the oppressive feelings were far less than previous days.
When they climbed the trail to the old oak they didn't stop at the top, but continued over and down towards Spinner's Pond. Once at the edge Severus pulled out his wand and said softly, "Accio Glasses."
From the depths a small item shot forth, coming to rest in Severus's hand, though his face seemed puzzled given the result.
Harry moved closer and looked into the man's hand, only to grown confused at the sight of seeing half the pair.
"Where is the other half professor?"
Severus looked at the boy and then pointed his wand back to the water, "Accio glasses." but nothing came forth.
"Odd." the man murmured.
"What's odd, sir?" Harry inquired as he took the single round rim and hook and held it to his right eye,
"...Unless the current carried it…" the man murmured but he was addressing himself and not the boy by now.
Spinner's Pond did not have an inlet or outlet, the current was nearly non-existent. Even so, if the small flow of the pond had moved the other half of Harry's broken specs it would still be within reach of his summons as this pond was not very deep nor very wide.
"You don't think Johnny would…" Harry started with a worried tone but stopped when the Severus snapped his head over to look at him. His brow furrowed in anger and Severus reached out a hand and took up that sharp jaw despite his promise to not elicit touch. Raising that face to look at him as those green eyes grew wide, Severus felt his stomach boil with heat and he leaned in close to that shocked face, "Mr. Potter, rest assured, if that miserable and wretched youth ever touches you again, I will kill him."
As soon as he said it he almost wished he hadn't because those green eyes got bigger, those soft thin lips parted and Harry took a step closer, leaning in and saying softly, "Promise?"
And Severus's heart exploded with want as such a dark little word left the boy's lips and those eyes urged him to swear. Surely, there was a spell on this teen, the gentle and kind hearted Potter asking him to swear to an oath of murder. Yet even so, be it out of fear or simply trying to make himself feel better, Potter had said it and Severus brought his mouth to that ear and whispered roughly, "I swear it."
He felt Harry's hand skim up his chest, that body move closer and for once Severus did not force himself to move away. He allowed Harry to rub his cheek against Severus's own as their chests connected and Harry placed his face into the nape of the man's neck, Harry's arms wrapping around his waist as Severus felt his own arms reciprocate.
A/N: LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT! R&R as this chapter was chalked full of random snippets, POV changes, insane and drunk characters who are becoming a bigger part of this plot then I had planned and random juicy hints of what is to come.