(A/N: I said to a friend: Hey, given Joey runs on luck, be funny if every 7th chapter was a Joey chapter, eh? At which point we both realized how tedious that would be. But here we are 2 for 2. And good gods do I freaking adore this chapter. Let's. Get. Started!)
"Joey, could you take this seriously?" Teá shouted at him. Joey Wheeler was currently sitting down with a 48oz beverage in front of a storefront, sipping it loudly. "This is no time to be indulging yourself in a Big Gulp!"
"What're ya worried about?" Joey said, drawing his head away from his drink. "I beat two duelists back to back and without Red-Eyes. I'd say I've earned a little R&R."
"Why don't you save your precious R&R when you've got six locator cards," Tristan said. "It's almost 2."
"Zip it, Tristan," Joey said. "The tournament's got plenty of time to go," he pointed a thumb at himself and flashed a cocky smile. "And if I'm lucky I just need to find one more duelist with 3 locator cards, win, and this handsome devil is goin' to the finals."
"Okay, but do you have to be sitting down? It's not like a prospective opponent is going to pop up and say hello."
As if on cue, from out of nowhere—seriously where they hiding in the open city square—Ibuki jumped out with a loud, friendly, "Hello!"
"…like that," Teá said, blinking rapidly.
Ibuki leaned forward, put the side of her hand on her forehead and said, "Oh my, my! What's this Ibuki's spies with her little eye?" She was looking right at Joey. She then laughed as she declared in a pose that matched her enthusiasm. "It is! It is! It's Joey Wheeler, the Duelist Kingdom finalist."
"That's me," Joey said, his arrogance and cockiness growing by the second. "Lemme guess, you want an autograph."
"Oooh, hadn't thought of that, but could I?" Ibuki asked.
"Sure thing," Joey said, "You uh," he patted himself down, only to realize something was wrong. "You got a piece of paper and a pen, I appear to be fresh out at the moment." A thought then struck him. "Tristan, lemme borrow your notebook."
"What? No way, man! Get your own! I keep this thing for important stuff!"
"Just one page," Joey said, getting up from his seat and trying to pry it from Tristan's jacket.
Tristan slammed the palm of his face into Joey's face. "I said, no way. Not my problem."
"I've got a fan and she's cute too. You gotta let me borrow it," Joey pleaded, maneuvering around Tristan's hand, but having no more luck in getting his notebook.
Ibuki laughed. "It's all right. Another time," Ibuki said. "For now, get ready, Joey Wheeler," she said, making the duel disk on her arm vibrant and noticeable. "Cause it's time to duel!"
"Eh?" It was only now that Joey noticed Ibuki's duel disk. Tristan's notebook became an afterthought.
Ibuki winked as a twinkle appeared in her open eye. She made a V with her fingers and peeked through it with her open eye. "Ibuki's got lots confidence in her abilities, especially with the new card she just won and since you lost your Red-Eyes, it should make it way easier for Ibuki. It's just logic!"
"Hey! What's with everyone thinking I can't win duels without my Red-Eyes?" Joey demanded to know.
"To be fair," Teá said, "With the exception of Mai and Rex, every duel you fought in Duelist Kingdom involved Red-Eyes in some capacity or another."
"No!" Joey denied. "There's no way! I mean..." He began counting on his fingers. "There was...Uhhhh..." He hung his head. Teá was unfortunately right. He growled, shaking it fiercely. "Who cares?" He snapped, fists clenched. "It's a new chapter in the story of Joey Wheeler and it says that I don't need Red-Eyes to be a true duelist!"
"Does a true duelist walk around with his zipper undone?" Ibuki asked cheerfully.
Embarrassingly, Joey reached down and quickly zipped his fly.
Teá sighed. This girl's personality and fashion sense do NOT match.
"Well then, if we're ready. It's time to duel!"
"All right, but just so you know, I don't go easy on girls," Joey said.
Ibuki laughed. "You'd be misogynistic if you did, especially since Ibuki's willing to wager both of her locator cards on this duel. That's how confident she is!"
"Here," Joey said, handing Tristan his soda, "Hold this." Tristan graciously accepted the beverage only for Joey to jam his head back into his personal space. "And don't drink out of it! I'm gonna need to quench my thirst. After all," Joey pointed a finger directly at Ibuki, "Beatin' the snot out of duelists that want a piece of me is what I do best."
Ibuki laughed. "Yes! Yes! The energy for this duel is super duper fantabulistically high! Ibuki loves it!"
"Let's duel!" Both she and Joey shouted simultaneously.
"Since Ibuki is the challenge," Ibuki stated, "She'll go first. And Ibuki will start by playing Whirlwind Prodigy in attack mode!" A young kid with wind circulating around him appeared. He had 1500 attack points and 1600 defense points. "Next, Ibuki throws one card face-down and ends her turn."
"Not bad," Joey said only to look fierce, "But not good enough. It's my turn." He drew the top card off of his deck. "I draw!"
"I start by playing Vampire Hunter in attack mode." A man dressed like a European noble carrying a whip with blond hair appeared on the battlefield. He had 1600 attack points and defense points. "Let's go Vampire Hunter, whip it good and take out her Whirlwind Prodigy!" Vampire Hunter's whip lashed out. Joey curled his arm, fist clenched.
"Not so fast," Ibuki declared. "Ibuki reveals her face-down card. Reveal the magic card, Guns and Roses!" A green card flipped face-up that had a thorn whip and a flintlock criss-crossed over a gold-bordered, cracked iron shield. "This neat little magic card can only activate when a fairy, warrior-type, or plant type monster of Ibuki's is under attack. She can shuffle that monster back into her deck in exchange for a monster of a different type of those three in her hand. And Ibuki chooses this card!" Whirlwind Prodigy vanished as a black-clad ninja appeared on the battlefield. "Say hello to Strike Ninja!"
"Aw, no!" Joey exclaimed. He loved that card when Yugi used it against Duke Devlin, but now it was about to bring a world of pain to him.
Strike Ninja caught Vampire Hunter's whip with its bare, gloved hand and then cut the whip with a knife before throwing three at Vampire Hunter, destroying it. Joey's life points were reduced to 3900.
"But wait, there's more!" Ibuki declared excitedly. "If the monster I summoned with Guns and Roses destroys the attacking monster by battle or by special ability, my opponent takes an additional 800 points of damage. Yahooooo!"
Joey's life points ticked down to 3100.
"How do you like that, Mr. Finalist?" Ibuki asked, winking. "Eat your heart out!"
"Gladly and veal is on the menu. I play the spell card: Scapegoat!" Four sheep tokens appeared on Joey's side of the battlefield.
"Awwwwwww, they're so cute," Ibuki cooed. "Oh well, you know what they say about cute monsters: gotta destroy 'em all. They'll make good mint jelly."
"Just go," Joey said in annoyance.
"Don't mind I dooooo!" Ibuki exclaimed and drew the top card of her deck with a smile. "And I play one card face-down on the field." The appropriate hologram emerged. "And then I'm also summoning Hayabusa Knight!" Ibuki declared, generating a bird-like knight with 1000 attack points. "And thanks to its special ability, it can attack twice in the same battle phase. Perfect for pest control!" Ibuki winked at Joey. "Or in this case, shearing sheep. Now, go Strike Ninja!" she declared happily. "Attack!"
With a toss of knives, Strike Ninja destroyed one of Joey's sheep tokens.
"And now, Hayabusa Knight, attack two more sheep tokens!" Ibuki's bird knight leapt into action, destroying one sheep token and making a return trip back to her side as it took out another. "My turn's done. Go ahead, Joey."
"Will do," Joey said, "I draw!" Perfect! He thought after looking at his new card. "I play Axe Raider, in attack mode!" One of Joey's favorite warriors took to the field. "And it's time for me to even up this duel a little. Go, Axe Raider! Attack her Hayabusa Knight! Crushing Axe Attack!"
"Eeek!" Ibuki screeched as Axe Raider charged forward and cut Hayabusa Knight down to size, breaking its armor and weapon.
Ibuki's life points dribbled down to 3300.
Joey chuckled. "I like my chicken the way I like my burgers: well-done!"
"Next, I throw one card face-down onto the field. You're up, Ibuki."
"Oooh, mysterious with a face-down," Ibuki said, "I love it. I draw." She drew the top card of her deck. "Ibuki places one monster face-down on her side of the field. And next, Ibuki activates one of her favorite cards. Go, Metalmorph!" A familiar trap card to Joey appeared and only meant trouble for him. "This gives Ibuki's Strike Ninja a shiny new coating and an extra 300 attack points." Strike ninja became covered head to toe in metal armor. His pinkish-red eyes glowed from underneath his new spikey metal helmet crest.
"Doesn't it defeat the purpose of being a ninja if you wear metal armor?" Teá asked from the sidelines.
Ibuki laughed. "You're funny, saying that in game where living plants fight dragons and robots."
Teá sputtered incoherently for a moment. Really, how was she supposed to argue with that logic?
"Anyway, in addition to the attack power boost, Ibuki's Strike Ninja gains half the attack power of its victim when it attacks. So not only is Axe Raider going down, but it's gonna hurt too. Sad thing too, Ibuki loves the axe whether it's for Jazz or Rock n' Roll." She shrugged. "Oh well." She struck her happy pose. "Go, Strike Ninja! Attack with flying dagger assault! Make Axe Raider take his final bow!"
"Hold up there, you goth poetry reject, I've got a face-down card of my own: Kunai with Chain!" An iron chain shot out from the trap card as Axe Raider grabbed hold of it and used it to grapple Strike Ninja.
"Eeek! Of all your trap cards!" Ibuki exclaimed, looking like she was prone to panicking. "Your friend was right, Ibuki totally shouldn't have given Metalmorph to a ninja. What was she thinking?"
"It's cool with me," Joey said. "I mean a metal clad ninja sounds like something out of a cool action game. But metal ninjas aren't okay in my book when they're throwing knives at one of my trusty monsters."
"Crap. This is bad! Ibuki can't do anything else this turn."
"Then you'd better hold onto your stockings cause it's time for my turn!" Joey declared. He drew the top card of his deck. "I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! First, I sacrifice my last remaining sheep token so Panther Warrior can attack your Strike Ninja. Go! Swift Panther Slash!"
Panther Warrior struck forward as the last sheep token vanished and Strike Ninja was destroyed.
"Your ninja's gone back to the shadows, permanently!"
Ibuki only winced as shards of light from what used to be her ninja flew towards her.
"And next, Axe Raider will destroy your face-down monster."
Axe Raider's Kunai with Chain wound up smashing a hole in an opera mask.
Ibuki giggled. "Just what Ibuki was hoping for. Since Mask of Darkness was destroyed, she gets a trap card back to her hand. Welcome back, Metalmorph. Mommy missed you!" She gave the card a kiss.
"You might as well give up. Cause even if you play a monster, I have two attacks and if I play another monster, it's game over!"
"We'll see about that!" Ibuki exclaimed. "The duel isn't over until the last card is played. Ibuki draws!" Ibuki drew the top card of her deck. "Ibuki plays one card face-down and one monster card face-down," she said, performing both actions as the holograms appeared.
"Just what kind of amateur do you take me for?" Joey snapped, feeling insulted.
"The dense kind," Ibuki teased.
"Hey!" Joey barked.
"She's got you there, Joey," Teá said.
"Who's side are you on?" Joey demanded. Teá didn't answer.
"And that's all for Ibuki's turn," Ibuki said. "Go ahead, Joey."
"You're darn right it is and I'm gonna end dis duel!" Joey declared. He drew the top card of his deck. He then thought for a moment. Ibuki wouldn't have continued the duel if she didn't think she could make it through another turn. Chances are that face-down card is Metalmorph again, unless she's got something dangerous she's plotting. Well I'll show her who's dense! "I sacrifice Axe Raider and Panther Warrior to summon Battleguard King!"
"Hey! That's Peko's card," Ibuki cried, even though she was smiling. "You really did beat her!"
"Eh? You know those yakuza toughs?" Joey asked. Ibuki didn't seem the type to associate with that crowd.
"Of course Ibuki does," Ibuki said and winked. "They're Ibuki's classmates." She laughed.
"Classmates? So you're from Hope's Peak Academy?" Joey asked.
"Yup, yup!" Ibuki said and thrust her chest out with pride, her nose somehow growing temporarily…somehow. She looked like an oni with the way she was grinning. "Ibuki is Hope's Peak Academy's Ultimate Musician."
"So much for knowing it when you see it, eh Joey?" Tristan asked.
"Shaddup!" Joey exclaimed. "I don't care if you're from Hope's Peak or the Magical Academy for Gifted Snowflakes! You're going down!"
"I wonder about that," Ibuki laughed. "After all, Peko and Fuyuhiko were the ones who thought Ibuki might be able to beat you cause she got Natsumi's…" Ibuki quickly covered her mouth. "Er, nothing. Nothing! Ibuki didn't say anything! She totally didn't almost say the name of the super rare card she won in her last duel."
Joey's gaze narrowed suspiciously.
"So, are you going to attack?" Ibuki asked, quickly changing the subject.
"You're darn right I am! Battleguard King, attack! Destroy her face-down monster!" Battleguard King's gigantic club smashed in a furry critter that looked like a flying squirrel.
"Exactly what Ibuki was hoping for!" Ibuki declared, looking serious for once, pointer finger extended. "Activating Nimble Momonga's special ability! Now Ibuki gains 1000 life points and she's able to summon up to 2 more Nimble Momongas from her deck and when they get destroyed she gets another 1000 life points." Two more of Ibuki's critters appeared only to fade into face-down monsters.
Ibuki's life points climbed up to 4300.
"Gotta admit, clever move," Joey admitted. "But unless you plan on doing something with those furballs, my Battleguard King is gonna turn them into pelts next turn!"
"I wouldn't be too sure of that," Ibuki said in sing song.
"Eh? Wh-why not?"
"Because now it's Ibuki's turn," Ibuki said and drew the top card off of her deck. "And it's time for her to summon her strongest monster. By sacrificing her Nimble Momongas she summons the one, the only, Thunder King, the Lightstrike Kaiju!"
"Say what?!" Joey gasped.
A massive, three-headed, white, winged, quadrupedal, and electrically imbued monster of utter terror took to the battlefield. It resembled a hydra in some capacity. However, that was the least of Joey's concerns.
"3300 attack points?" Teá gasped, covering her mouth.
"That thing's huge!" Tristan declared, fist clenched. As always, he was the master of observation.
"Well it is a kaiju," Ibuki said.
"Joey, Teá, Tristan, do you think you could give an old man a hand?" Solomon asked with two big shopping bags in his arms. He had done a little bit of grocery shopping while he waited for Joey to get back in the game. "These bags are a bit…" Solomon lowered the bags only to come face to face with Thunder King's front left leg. "Gah!" Solomon dropped the bags and fell on his ass, fresh produce rolling on the ground. His arm reached out towards it. "I don't believe it, one of the legendary kaiju cards."
"One of? There are more of those things?" Tristain shouted, pointing at it.
Solomon made an affirmative grunt and began putting his groceries back in order. Tristan helped. "As a matter of fact, there are eight Kaiju monsters in total. And among them all, Thunder King is perhaps the strongest."
"Gotta be kidding me," Tristan said as he looked at the massive monster while holding an armful of groceries. "What the hell is Joey supposed to do against a beast like that?"
"Well for starters, he'll be dazzled by its electrifying power," Ibuki said with a cheerful disposition, only to flip back to serious. "Now, Thunder King! This battlefield's only big enough for one king monster so destroy Joey's Battleguard King! Triple Lightning Destruction Blast!"
A blast of pure lightning was fired from each of Thunder King's heads, destroying Joey's Battleguard King and the residual shock zapped him, bringing his life points down to 2800.
Ibuki smiled and giggled, "Your turn, Joey."
Joey became serious, determined and distraught. She says that, but I don't know what I can do to take that thing down. "Urngh, I draw." Joey pulled the top card of his deck. "No way! All right, Ibuki!" Joey declared. "I hope you liked saying hi to your kaiju, cause I've got your oxygen destroyer right here. First, I use Monster Reborn to bring back my Battleguard King!" The massive red ogre reappeared with a stern growl. "And next, I play the equip spell Lightning Blade, raising its attack power by 800 points!" Battleguard King's club was replaced with an appropriately sized sword imbued with lightning.
"800?!" Ibuki gasped. "Oh no!"
"It's time to fight lightning with lightning! Go, Battleguard King! Destroy Thunder King, the Lightstrike Kaiju! Lightning Blade Strike!"
With a loud growl, Battleguard King struck forward. Thunder King retaliated with three blasts of electricity, but they were all absorbed by Battleguard King's sword. Then, with a powerful two-handed swing, Battleguard King returned the blast at its foe, rending it asunder. Ibuki's turned her body and shielded herself from the flying bits of hard light as her life points fell to 3800.
"Not bad, Joey," Ibuki said, "But the duel's not over yet."
"You've got nothing," Joey said. "I've got a warrior monster in my hand so all I'll need to do is activate Battleguard King's special ability by sacrificing one of my warrior monsters to give a second attack next turn. It's over, Ibuki!"
"Wrong!" Ibuki chimed. She drew the top card of her deck and then held up another card in her hand. "Here's the thing about Kaiju, Joey," she flipped it around, revealing Monster Reborn. "They always come back."
"Aww, no." Joey had worked so to get rid of Ibuki's kaiju.
"Monster Reborn, activate!" Ibuki declared happily, "Bring Thunder King the Lightstrike Kaiju back from the graveyard!"
The massive monster re-emerged, stomping on the ground and roaring its lungs out.
"And what would a kaiju movie sequel be without mechanical upgrades. I activate Metalmorph!"
Joey growled. "I figured as much."
"Yup and now Thunder King, the Lighstrike Kaiju becomes Mecha Thunder King, the Artificial Kaiju!" Ibuki declared as a mechanical coating covered almost all of Thunder King, cybernetically enhancing it. It now had 3600 attack and 2400 defense points.
"I don't get it," Tristan said, "Why didn't Ibuki do that last turn?"
"Her ability to duel is much greater than her carefree personality suggests," Solomon stated. "When Joey played his Battleguard King, Ibuki must've realized that he had something like Monster Reborn in case her face-down card wasn't actually Metalmorph. So, she saved it. Good luck for her, bad luck for Joey."
"I guess you really shouldn't judge a book by its cover," Teá said, sounding impressed.
"Yeah, well I want a full refund for this book! Joey's about to get clobbered!"
"Okey-dokey Mecha Thunder King, do your stuff! Take Joey's Battleguard King down: Photon Thunder Blast!" Great balls of plasma-enhanced lightning rained down on Joey's Battleguard King. Thanks to Metalmorph's effect, Mecha Thunder King's attack points surged to 5500. And when compared to Joey's 3800 on Battleguard King, that resulted in 1700 points of damage, bringing him all the way down to just 1100 life points.
Ibuki seemed ecstatic, "If you don't do something fast, Joey, I'm going to win the duel." Ibuki gasped. "Oooh! Ooh! Are you going to play Time Wizard! I bet it'd come in really handy right now!" she exclaimed, winking as she stuck her tongue out. "Ibuki's never seen a duel come down to pure chance before, you know."
"I don't need my Time Wizard to beat the likes of you. I draw!" Joey drew the top card off of his deck. That'll do! I'm summoning Goblin Attack Force in attack position!" A ragtag bunch of goblins appeared.
"What? A bunch of puny goblins? What're they gonna do?"
"Not much, but I'm hoping for a miracle, I guess you could say."
Ibuki laughed. "A miracle in a kaiju flick? Sounds about right."
"Which is why I'm playing two cards face-down." Joey said as he played the last two cards in his hand. "I end my turn." Joey's hand was now empty.
"All right, here goes!" Ibuki declared. "I draw!" Ibuki grinned when she saw the card she had in her hand. "Sorry Joey, but unless you've got a mirror force or something face-down you're pretty much history. Go, Thunder King! Attack! Wipe out the rest of Joey's life points!"
"And I activate, Skull Dice!"
"Aaaagh, not Skull Dice! That's like, another trap card of yours Ibuki totally knows about." She laughed. "Too bad you first have to contend with the fact that my big pal here gets 1300 extra attack points."
"The bigger they are, the harder they fall!" Joey exclaimed even though he was now staring down a 4750 attack power behemoth. "Go, Skull Dice." I need at least a three, Joey thought as the dice rolled onto the ground. Luck don't fall me now.
Much to Joey's favor, the dice came up 5.
"All right!"
"Oh no!" Ibuki shouted, looking horrified.
Joey chuckled, "Heh heh heh, time to put an end to this sequel. After all, don't you know? The original's always best! Go! Goblin Attack Force!" Joey's Goblins struck forward and beat down Ibuki's Kaiju, causing it to topple over and be destroyed. As a result, Ibuki's life points were reduced to 2550.
"Well then, Ibuki will play this monster card in face-down defense position," Ibuki said. "And one card face-down on the field."
"All right then," Joey said. "My turn. I draw. And I play Gearfried the Iron Knight, in attack mode!"
"Joey!" Ibuki exclaimed, practically cooing.
"What?" Joey asked.
"I didn't know you liked metal too," Ibuki said. "I knew there was a connection between us! Hahaha!"
"Okay you little fruitcake," Joey said, having no idea what Ibuki was on about. "It's time for me to end this duel! Go! Gearfried, attack Ibuki's face-down monster!"
Ibuki's face-down monster was revealed to be a snake of some kind. Joey expected Gearfried to destroy it, but the attack bounced right off. "What the heck?"
"Sorry, Joey, but my Venom Cobra is more than capable of protecting me with his hard scales. After all, there's poison running through his veins!"
"Urrrrgh," Joey grunted as his life points dropped down to 900. "All right, 2000 defense points, big deal. Goblin Attack Force, attack!"
"Eheheeheehee! You fell for it!" Ibuki declared. "I activate my trap card, Castle Walls, this raises my monster's defense points by 500 points, enough to block Goblin Attack Force! AHAHAHA!" Ibuki laughed, throwing her head back. "I can't believe that worked! Ibuki was certain she was going to take life point damage!"
Joey could only groan in distress as his life points fell all the way down to 700.
"Joey," Teá said calmly, worried. He was really struggling out there. Ibuki was far more skilled than Teá had pegged her. Or was Joey just so overconfident at the start that he was only realizing how serious he had to get now?"
"My turn's over," Joey said. He had no cards in his hand after all.
"Ah ah ah," Ibuki said. "You attacked with Goblin attack force. That means they switch to defense mode and don't come back to attack Ibuki until your next next turn."
"I know," Joey said, watching his Goblins fall asleep.
"All right!" Ibuki declared. "Time for Ibuki to finish what she started!" Ibuki drew the top card off of her deck. "Ibuki's gonna put away her snake for something that's gonna blow you out of the water, or blow you back. I guess you could call it a blow—"
"Just play the card!" Joey exclaimed.
"Then feast your eyes on this: Blowback Dragon!"
A reddish machine with two thick, therapod-like legs, a long saurian tail and a giant cannon for a head, with no arms appeared on Ibuki's side of the battlefield. It had 2300 attack points.
Joey gasped and his mind trailed back to Duelist Kingdom like he was having a PTSD flashback.
"My Revolver Dragon is going to blast you and your good intentions to dust!"
"Here's how it works. See that big, long cannon on Blowback Dragon's head? Well it can destroy one card Ibuki selects, provided that it doesn't overhead or misfire. And Ibuki's gonna select…Goblin Attack Force!"
"Aw, no!" Joey groaned.
"Now go, Blowback Dragon! Fire at will!"
Blowback Dragon's cannon heated up and, in spite of Joey crossing his fingers, fired and utterly destroyed his goblins.
"All right, direct hit!" Ibuki declared. "Victory!"
Joey gulped.
"And now, Blowback Dragon attacks! Blowback Cannon Blast! Bye-bye Gearfried, it's been," Ibuki giggled, "A blast!"
Blowback Dragon smashed Gearfried to bits with the cannon on its head, sending it to the graveyard and bringing Joey down to 200 life points.
Joey looked desperate, teeth clenched, sweat dripping down his cheeks. Now he really did need that miracle. Even Time Wizard wouldn't help him now, Blowback Dragon's attack points were too low to take out the rest of Ibuki's life points. He still had his face-down card, but Ibuki wasn't giving him a chance to use it.
"So, tell me, Joey. How are you going to turn this duel around with no cards in your hand and no monsters on the field while staring down the barrel of my Blowback Dragon?" Ibuki winked at Joey, eye twinkling. "Just admit it, I outsmarted you."
"No way!" Joey declared defiantly. "I'm not giving up, cause losing ain't in my dictionary!"
Joey drew the top card off of his deck. It was not a monster card. However, Yugi wouldn't want him looking defeated, not now, not ever.
"You just have to have faith in both yourself and in the heart of the cards!"
Yugi's right, I just gotta believe. I gotta have faith. Clenching his buttocks and tensing his legs, Joey stood tall. "I place one card face-down on the field and end my turn!"
"Oh man, poor Joey," Tristan said. "He's wide open."
"I can't look," Teá said, burying her head into Tristan's shoulder.
"Hold up, you two," Solomon said. "Look at Joey. Do you see the fire in his eyes?"
Tristan and Teá looked straight ahead at Joey. "Hey, yeah, look at him, Teá," Tristan said, seeming a bit more cheerful. Joey was staring down Ibuki with his toughest look. There was utter defiance in his eyes as he looked unwilling to give up. "You got it, Joey! Show her no mercy, man!"
"We're with you all the way!" Teá shouted.
Joey gave his friends a smirk and a thumb's up. He then went back to sternly staring down Ibuki and her giant cannon.
"The odds may be against me, but I've never let that stop me before," Joey said. "It's your move, Ibuki!"
"Gladly!" Ibuki exclaimed. "I draw!" She drew the top card off her deck. "You mentioned odds, are you a betting man, Joey?"
"Well, I mean, I guess?"
"Well then, I hope you like Russian Roulette cause I'm playing Twin-Barrel Dragon in attack mode!"
A raptor-like machine with a twin-barreled gun for a face instead of a normal one appeared. It too had no arms. It had 1700 attack points.
"And like Blowback Dragon, Twin-Barrel Dragon has the same ability. And seeing as how it has 1700 attack power of pure plasma, Ibuki has just one question: do you feel lucky, Joey?"
"You bet I do! Bring it on!" Joey exclaimed.
"Then go, Twin-Barrel Cannon! Aim and destroy Joey's face-down card on the left!"
Twin-Barrel Dragon fired, but both shots missed.
Teá could feel the sweat running down her face. She wanted to feel relieved, but there was still Ibuki's Blowback Dragon to worry about.
"Man, this is painful to watch," Tristan said, "I do not want to be in Joey's shoes right now."
"Same here," Teá said.
"Blowback Dragon, same card! Blowback Cannon!"
Blowback Dragon fired itself up only to sputter and cough and smoke rose out from out of the back of the cannon.
Joey wiped his brow. His trap cards were safe.
"Awww, come on big guy, I polish you every day and this is how you treat me?" Ibuki asked, giving her monster a disappointed look as though it had feelings. "Oh well!" Ibuki exclaimed. "Time for Ibuki's Battle Phase!"
"Jeez, straight out of the frying pan and into the fire. I hope you know what you're doing, Joey," Tristan thought aloud.
"Ibuki may not have been able to destroy your trap cards, but she can still attack you directly, twice even. If I wrote a song about this situation, I think I'd call it "Staring Down Huge Machines That Can Totally Kill Me"."
"Fine, cool, whatever, I'll keep an eye out for it on Itunes. You attacking or what?" Joey asked.
"Of course I am. I gotta win after all. Can't win if I don't attack, now go! Twin-Barrel Dragon, attack!"
Twin-Barrel Dragon charged up its cannons.
"Joey!" Teá shouted.
"Heh, finally," Joey smirked. "I activate my face-down card: Magical Arm Chain!"
"Magical what now?" Ibuki asked, eyes shrinking in as Joey's trap card flipped face-up. A spring-loaded pair of suction cups appeared and grabbed Ibuki's Blowback Dragon. "H-hey! That's mine! Thief!"
"Not for this turn it ain't!" Joey said with a smug, satisfied look. "Thanks to my trap card, your monster has to attack it now instead."
"Oh no, and since Blowback Dragon's attack points are higher…" Ibuki gasped.
"That's right," Joey declared, "It's time for you to get blown up. Blowback Dragon, fire back with Blowback Cannon!"
Joey's held hostage machine fired back at Ibuki's Twin-Barrel Dragon, overloading its pathetic excuse for a peashooter by comparison with its huge, hulking shotgun-like mouth. Ibuki's monster was destroyed and she lost 600 life points.
"Grr, just wait till next turn," Ibuki said, all pouty like as her life points dropped down to 1950.
"You assume there's gonna be a next turn, or that'll be at all in your favor," Joey said, seeming pretty confident now. "Cause now, it's my turn!" Joey declared and drew the top card off of his deck as Ibuki's Blowback Dragon went back to her side of the field. Nodding to himself, Joey knew the card in his hand had just saved his ass. "Ibuki, thanks for the duel, but it's my victory.
Ibuki looked confused. "Whatchoo talkin' bout, Joey?"
"First, I'm activating this magic card, Sword and Shield!" Joey declared. "This swaps the attack and defense points of all monsters currently on the field."
"Oh no, my Blowback Dragon barely has any attack points now!" Ibuki exclaimed. Only to stop freaking out and notice a problem with Joey's plan. "Wait a sec, that was the card you drew? But you can't destroy it without a monster. Isn't that just a waste?"
"Not with my other face-down card it isn't. Go, Graverobber!" A dusty, green rag wearing, purple gremlin appeared. "And look what he's dug up for me."
Ibuki gasped in horror. "No! Not my kaiju!"
"Thunder King, the Lightstrike Kaiju, come on out!"
Ibuki watched as Thunder King emerged as she stared it down.
"Agh! Ibuki should've seen this coming! All kaiju monsters switch sides eventually." She seemed confused. "W-wait a sec, since when were you the hero of this story? Ibuki's totally got more personality!"
"We can debate the final points of that later," Joey stated since the argument was irrelevant. "Since I called Thunder King back from the graveyard after I played Shield and Sword, his attack points aren't affected."
"Oh no! OhnoOhnoOhno!" Ibuki exclaimed. "This is bad! This is so totally obviously super bad!"
"It's lights out thanks to your Lightsrike Kaiju. Go, Thunder King! Take out Blowback Dragon and the rest of Ibuki's life points! Triple Lightning Destruction Blast!"
Thunder King's mouths began to spark with electricity.
"H-hey," Ibuki said, backing up, "L-let's talk this out, big guy. L-look, I-I've got candy!" she said, holding up a jar of gum that she procured from who knew where? It wasn't having any effect. "Ah, crap! Um, I…uh…o-oh," Ibuki said and somehow produced her trusty guitar. "Music always sooths the savage beast!" She played a note on her guitar only for Thunder King to unload its lightning attack before Ibuki could even sing a single note. Its attack destroyed Blowback Dragon, somehow snapping a guitar string, covering Ibuki in dust, and took out the rest of her life points.
"And that's what happens," Joey said as he held up his thumb, "When you mess with the best." He flipped it face-down. "You're done!"
"That was…" Ibuki said, still a little rattled.
"Huh? You okay?" Joey asked.
"That was…" Ibuki said only to become chipper in seconds, "So totally awesome! Man, Ibuki really thought she had you. Aw, man, if you hadn't drawn Sword and Shield, Ibuki totally could've bought herself a little time. Guess that's why you're a Duelist Kingdom finalist."
"Heh, I know, I'm awesome," Joey said, rubbing a finger under his nose.
"Hey! Hey!" Ibuki said, raising an arm into the air. "I gotta know, what was your plan when you were facing down Ibuki's barrel dragons? Like, what would you have done if luck had been on her side?"
"Get blasted to bits I guess," Joey said.
"Holy crap, that's so metal! You just stared down Ibuki's guns and you didn't even flinch!" Ibuki gasped, looking like she was about to have a seizure.
"Heh, Yugi taught me that trick. You never give up, not until the duel's over."
"Spoken like a true pro," Ibuki said, "Up high!" She and Joey slapped five. "Woohoo! Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" Ibuki shouted.
Does this girl have a low volume setting? Teá wondered.
"Say, do you like bands, Joey?" Ibuki asked completely randomly.
"Do I…like bands?"
"Uh huh! Uh huh!" Ibuki exclaimed twice. "Ibuki loves music, I mean, duh, she's the Ultimate Musician, but she thinks guys who don't like bands are narcissists so she doesn't like them."
"Well, I mean, I listen to rock and roll on occasion. Can't say I've ever been to a live concert though."
"Eheeheehee, I knew it! You're totally a rad guy, Joey!"
"Is it just me, or is he picking up a girl without even realizing it?" Tristan asked with a glazed look.
"Oh good, that makes two of us," Teá said. Neither one felt Joey needed the ego boost.
"Ibuki's got a super totally killer idea! We should form a band together! I bet you'd be a killer musician!"
"Musician? I don't even know the first thing about play a musical instrument."
"That's fine," Ibuki said, "You can be a drummer. As long as you hit them to the beat, you don't even need to know how to read sheet music."
"Uhhh, you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure!"
"Joey," Teá said, "I hate to interrupt your little pick up session, but you're preoccupied last I checked."
"Oh…oh right. Ibuki, I'd love to form a band, but I've got bigger things to worry about, like becoming a true duelist and to do that, I'm gonna need those two locator cards you wagered."
"No problemo!" Ibuki exclaimed. "Two locator cards and one Thunder King, the Lightstrike Kaiju coming right up!"
Ibuki handed Joey all three items.
"Guess this means I'm out of the tournament," Ibuki said, sounding disappointed. "Aw, man, Ibuki was really hoping to see at least Chiaki in the finals."
"Oh yeah, that Yakuza guy told me there were more of ya competing."
"Yeah, but now Ibuki won't get to join her friends," she said, glancing aside, scratching her head. "Oh! I know! Joey, you only need one more locator card, right?"
"Yeah, so?"
"So then," Ibuki winked, eye sparkling, "Let Ibuki follow you around. Your friends aren't in the tournament, right?" Ibuki laughed. "If Ibuki follows you around and spectates that means she'll get to see the finals up close and personal!" She then stuck her tongue out and raised her arm. "Plus, if you change your mind about the band thing, Ibuki's always down for a practice session." Ibuki gave Joey pleading eyes. "Please?" Ibuki pleaded. "I mean you befriended Mai Valentine, didn't you? Ibuki read about that in an interview she gave."
"Eh, Mai spoke about us?" Joey asked.
Ibuki laughed happily. "Uh huh. Ever since Duelist Kingdom she kind of got a kickstart to her career. Ibuki's been following her every step of the way. She's kind of got a thing for blondes in leather."
"Let me guess, she said I was awesome, right?"
"Haha," Ibuki laughed, "Nah, not really. She called you a lucky idiot that was wet behind the ears."
"She said what?" Joey snapped. He'd seen Mai earlier when she and Yugi met up at the fountain. "Mai, when I get my hands on you, you're going down."
"Oh, I'm sure she'll appreciate that, since she said she wanted to duel you again. Maybe you should go looking for her and get your last locator card from her," Ibuki said. "It could be your best chance."
"Nah," Joey said.
"Nah? What do you mean, nah?"
"If I'm gonna duel Mai again, it's gonna be in the finals like we promised. Besides, the less I gotta put up with her the better."
"Aww, Ibuki was hoping to see your reunion duel," Ibuki said, sounding disappointed. "Oh well, another time then."
"Speaking of reunions, you know what your friends from Hope's Peak look like, right?"
"Of course I do, well I mean, unless they're wearing masks." Ibuki gasped. "Are they wearing masks? Oh no, did Ibuki miss a trend?"
"Uh, no," Joey said. "What I meant was, for my last locator card, I want to duel one of your classmates and take one from them."
"Oh, sure, not a problem," Ibuki said. "In fact, let's see if we can't find Nagito. With your luck I bet it'd make for an interesting duel."
"Oh yeah, Fuyuhiko mentioned him before. Any idea where he is?" Joey asked.
"Not a clue," Ibuki said. "But if she uses her intuition, Ibuki bets she can find Nagito easily."
Meanwhile, several miles away, closer to the river, Nagito Komaeda was in the middle of wrapping up a duel with another prospective opponent.
"Go! Ruin, Queen of Oblivion, attack directly!" Nagito declared, defeating his opponent with a stroke of her axe. "Huh," Nagito said, staring down a member of Class 76. "I expected more from an Ultimate. Oh well, I hope you'll take the despair of this defeat and not let it snuff out the hope inside your heart. Take this experience as a stepping stone towards an even brighter future where your talent really shines."
In the background, the Rare Hunter that had been chasing him creeped up from behind a small garden. "Make your speeches while you can, Nagito Komaeda," he said. "Because your time is numbered. It's my turn to challenge you to a duel!" The Rare Hunter ran after Nagito as he was given a locator card and a rare card. "Hey! You!" he declared, running after Nagito, only to trip over a very large rock and tumble and fall straight into the river. "Help!" the Rare Hunter shouted, trying to swim ashore. "Help!" In the air above, a bird flew overhead and dropped a little white splatter pellet into his eye. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Well then, lead me right to 'em," Joey said. "I'll take this Nagito guy right out and make my way to the finals."
"I bet Nagito's a total pushover," Ibuki said. "He's always going on and on about how he wants everyone else to move forward and use him as a stepping stone towards hope, so I bet you'll do just fine." She didn't have any real idea what was in his deck. In fact, no one in class 77 did. "So come on, let's go!" Ibuki said and dragged Joey by the arm, causing him to stumble.
"Should we say something?" Tristan asked.
"Eh, let him figure it out on his own," Teá said. "Besides, look how happy she looks. You want to burst that cheerful bubble? I mean if she can find something to like in Joey, more power to her."
Solomon laughed. "Ah, young love, how precious. Tristan, as long as your holding that bag, mind escorting me back to the shop so I can put all this away."
"Sure thing, old timer. Teá, keep an eye on Joey, okay?"
"So, keep doing what I've been doing?"
"Uh huh," Tristan said.
Teá sighed. "Joey was right, I basically am a cheerleader. Catch up with us later, okay?" she asked and ran off after Ibuki and Joey.
"Okay!" Tristan shouted at her.
Yards ahead, Ibuki let go of Joey and let him follow after her, keeping pace. No one, at that point, would've guessed that he and Teá were being targeted for Marik's nefarious schemes. For Joey, it was a new friend, a new rare card, a new duel won and brighter future ahead for him. Right now, everything was coming up Joey Wheeler.
(A/N: So yeah, Ibuki likes Joey…and Mai. Ibuki's clearly bi. And OH GODS the one-liners in this chapter. That's what I meant by capturing the essence of the franchise. Let the ship war commence: Joey/Mai Vs Joey/Ibuki. And oh gods that poor Rare Hunter. All of Nagito's bad luck keeps getting transferred to him. He has a name by the way, but I'm saving that reveal until he actually duels Nagito, which will happen eventually.
For now though, this series is going on hiatus. I need to rewatch all of pre-finals Battle City so I can get a decent grasp of the timeline for the Joey and Teá getting kidnapped subplot. I like using canon as a guideline and I really don't want to screw that up.
So, for now, I hope you guys want more because I'll only give it if this series gets into high demand—or ends up on tvtropes—so until then, as always, from all of me to all of you, let your hearts stay human and your wrath draconic. Ja ne!)