Fair warning, there's a very random reference to an obscure Youtube group in this chapter. Namely in the scene with Weiss. You don't need to know them at all. If you don't, it'll just come across as a funny joke. I'm just saying it here so people know I shamelessly stole said joke from them.

Cover Art: Mystery White Flame

Chapter 58

Glynda stood at the head of the staff table and tossed her paperwork down. The table rocked, causing the various men and one woman slumped across it to groan pitifully. Scowling, Glynda picked up the same work and did it again.

Mostly out of spite.

"Our first meeting as a full faculty and you're all hungover. Why am I not surprised by this?"

"Yerr a witch," Peter slurred. "Brn th' witch." An empty can of beer pinged telepathically off his head. "Ow."

"Gentlemen!" Glynda barked. "Criminals," she said to Roman. Her eyes then slid to Sienna. "Terrorists." Sienna rubbed at her eyes. "And political wards." Warily, she watched Willow Schnee extricate her arms from around the drunken headmaster she'd been snuggling up against. "I'm not even sure why you're here."

"My esteemed caretaker hasn't had time to prepare a room for me," the old but still attractive woman said. "What could I do but stay with him?"

"Find a room."

"I don't know my way around Beacon."

"Your son seems to have managed just fine." Glynda frowned and looked away. "I think. I assume." Her eyes widened. "I hope. Has anyone seen Whitley Schnee? Please tell me we haven't lost him already."

"I saw Cinder take him away," Sienna muttered.

"That boy," Roman rasped. "Is either the luckiest or the unluckiest boy on Remnant." He wiped a tear from his eye. "Or perhaps he is a boy no longer and has become a man." The table jumped up to smack him in the jaw. He crumped and whined about abuse.

"No!" Glynda snapped. "No comments like that on someone his age."

"Are you sure you're one to talk about relationships with an age differe- OW!" Roman rubbed his jaw sadly. "M-Message received."

"I'm sure he's fine." Jaune yawned and stretched his arms over his head. His body felt stiff and overly warm where Willow had been resting her head, but other than that he was fine. The usual after-drinking headache was nowhere to be seen. If anything, he felt relaxed, like he'd finally had a chance to let go after Atlas. "What Sienna failed to mention is that they also left with Team RWBY, so he's probably either bunking with them or they found him a room. He met them at the Schnee charity ball before, so it's all good."

"Thank goodness." Glynda sat and glared at Sienna. "You couldn't have added that important titbit?"

"In my defence I could barely see anything last night. I think Kali was trying to get me drunk and drag me into a feline faunus threesome." Sienna's slurred comments earned a muttered `lucky` from Peter. He was lucky Tsune wasn't there to hear that.

"Do I need to have a word with her?" Glynda asked.

Sienna yawned, arching her back like a cat. "Hmmmm. Nah, it's okay." Another yawn and a sleepy pawing of her eyes. "I lost track of her, but she'll find me today and we can pick up where we left off. I don't think her sex drive has an off switch."

"…"

Glynda stared, having assumed Sienna would be against that proposal.

Jaune gawked, unsure what to think but wondering why he hadn't been paying more attention last night and why his love life couldn't be as simple as Kali made it seem. Roman just offered a thumbs up, while Willow looked curiously between Glynda and Jaune, rubbing her chin.

It was the last one which startled her back into action.

"Okay. Moving swiftly on." Glynda turned away with wide eyes. "Now that we've finished the mandatory post-battle liver-annihilation, can we please get back to doing what we take taxpayer money for? Running a school?"

Jaune blinked her way. He didn't see what the problem was. They'd been gone a couple of weeks, but the school was still standing, and Atlas had been saved. Meanwhile, Qrow and the scouts were going to start on Shade, and Peter and Bart would be heading out presumably once their hangovers were dealt with.

All in all, barring some surprise repeat of the Vytal Festival – which wasn't due for another year, and this time would be hosted by someone else – there didn't seem any immediate need to panic. "It's only been one day," he said. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"Jaune, it's the middle of the school year."

Comprehension did not dawn. "And…?" He looked to Sienna who shrugged back, as clueless as he. Willow smiled when he looked her way and had equally little to offer. He turned back to Glynda. "Is that a big deal?"

"I forget this is technically your first. Last year, they were held off for the Vytal Festival, and we technically skipped the end of the year due to the attack on Beacon, the repair work and everything else involved."

"Ah, that was marvellous," Peter said. "We just gave the students the grades they were predicted – bumped up a little for having taken part in the defence. No one could fault it. How often does your end of year exam involve dealing with a Grimm and White Fang attack?"

"Yes, the board had no complaints there," Glynda said. "Nor did I. Our exams would have contained one on one and team spars along with theory," she explained for his and Sienna's benefit, "All things they had to showcase. The education of a huntsman isn't the same as a lawyer or doctor – physical capabilities are more important than theory. If they can fight at the level of a huntsman, they're ready to become a huntsman."

Fair enough. There were plenty of jobs that required stringent examination because they were too delicate or important. Doctors were a good example. When someone was fiddling around inside your body, you wanted the assurance they'd been tested time and time again to make sure they knew what they were doing. Not so for huntsmen; if they could kill Grimm, they could kill Grimm!

"Then what's the issue?"

"One word, gentlemen. Midterms."

Wood scraped back as Peter stood. "Well, it's been fantastic. Good to have you all back – jolly good show in Atlas – but Bart and I really do need to get on with that scouting Shade business."

"Yes. Yes." Bartholomew jumped up beside him. "The Grimm wait for no man and Qrow will need our help. Come now, Peter, let's not tarry. Away. Away!" The two of them bundled their way out the room, striking into the doorframe but continuing despite the pain. The door slammed behind them, their footfalls fading into the distance.

"I did wonder why they were so eager to agree to that last night," Glynda growled.

"I still don't see what the big deal is," Jaune said.

"Exams, Jaune. Midterm exams."

"Again. Not seeing the big deal."

"Same," Sienna said, still a little sleepy. "Isn't this better for us? The students are all stuck in exam halls so we don't have to do any lessons. Plus, it's not like we need to mark anything, is it? There'd be a massive conflict of interest." Yawning again, she said, "Free holiday for us. I think we've earned it."

"Ahem?" Jaune glared her way. "You stayed in Beacon. We earned it."

"You're both wrong." Glynda laid out some folders on the table. "Our work doesn't stop here. We've examinations to plan, halls to prepare, the Department of Education to get in touch with, anti-cheating measures to employ and a whole host of other things. Add onto that, cram sessions, study groups and overall student panic."

"Since I'm a criminal and incredibly open to bribes, would that invalidate my professionalism and thus my capability to be involved?"

"No."

Roman slumped. "Aww. Why, though? And why now? We just came from an invasion. Isn't that grounds to pull the same shit you pulled for last year? Just say everyone who took part passed and we're good to go."

"Sadly, we cannot. Atlas can – seeing as they were attacked." Lucky Ironwood. "But the midterm exams tend to be a lot more theory based than physical. You're lucky this isn't end of year or we'd have to add graduation and new student applications to the task list. As it is, with Port and Oobleck having taken the first chance to flee, we'll be all hands on deck to make this work. We may even have to hire substitutes and outside adjudicators."

"I could help," Willow offered.

"Hired." Glynda raised an eyebrow at Jaune and Roman's incredulous expressions. "What? I'm not joking when I say we need all the help we can get. Speaking of, how much would it cost to bribe Neo into working alongside us?"

"Neo and `work` don't exactly go hand in hand…"

"Even if that work involves hunting down cheaters in an exam hall and exposing them to their utter humiliation, crushing their spirits and damning them to failed grades?"

Neo's head poked out from under the table, eyes shining brightly.

"I'm not even going to ask what you were doing under there."

Neo smiled innocently.

/-/

Beacon was under attack.

No, that wasn't quite right – but to see it from the outside, you might have thought it. Students ran around in a frenzy, weapons were drawn and many lay where they fell, screaming in agony as they pored through textbooks with desperate fervour. The library had never seen so many visitors, or quite as much breaking of the rules of silence. Huntsmen fought huntresses over books while others wept in fear.

Team RWBY-and-a-half (now with added Whitley) were not spared from it.

Nor was Whitley himself, even if the young boy wasn't sure why he was being forced down on all fours to study for a course he a) wasn't a part of and b) had no knowledge in. The reason for why he hadn't said anything was far more obvious. Terror.

"If a village is destroyed from Grimm approaching from the southwest and the smoke seen by huntsmen over trees one hundred metres tall began two hours prior, assuming no wind, a natural retreat path toward the northeast and a fleeing pace of five miles per hour – ignoring stamina - in what quadrant would any retreating survivors be? If the Grimm move at seven miles per hour in pursuit, locate the quadrant at which you, huntsman marked as X, can first intercept them."

A bead of sweat ran down Ruby's face. "T-This is impossible."

"It's not," Weiss said, staring at the page. "Just very, very hard. You should have learnt about smoke timing before Beacon."

"I didn't!"

"Sure you did, sis," Yang said. "It was in last year of Signal- Oh… Oh, right… You skipped that year, didn't you? And the rest of the year before it."

Horror dawned. Getting into Beacon two years early! Wow, that's so awesome. Up until you realised those two years might contain things you needed to know, and that the method by which you skipped them wasn't learning the subject matter and passing the exams but being scouted after a random robbery by the previous headmaster.

"I'm doomed…"

"Probably."

"WEISS!"

"What? I'm only saying the truth. Look, I'll tell you the mathematics after. It's relatively… well, it's not simple at all actually, but it should be fine so long as we can use calculator-"

"No calculators," Blake said, pointing to the message. They were reading over the last year's exam paper, made available for revision purposes. "And show your workings."

"Show my workings!?" Weiss slammed her fist down. "Why? For what possible reason would we not be allowed a calculator? We have scrolls! Everyone has a scroll! There's not a person on Remnant lacking possession of a calculator. We're not living in the dark ages anymore."

Living with a teacher, Yang had the typical response down. "Dad always said it was in case our calculator ran out of batteries."

"Runs out-? It runs off the sun! And if the sun dies, me not being able to do maths will be a pretty small problem!" Weiss threw her arms in the air. "Because we'll all be dead!"

Ruby was quick to rush over and soothe her partner down, partly because it was what a loving teammate should do but mostly because she needed Weiss to not have a mental breakdown so she could learn how to work the equation in the first place. Yang and Blake were already arguing over whether the survivors would be in quadrant 55-G or 56-G. Whitley was stuck in the middle, literally squashed between the two.

"Distance equals speed multiplied by time. We know the speed is five miles an hour. The time is 2 hours-"

"The time is two hours fifteen! The trees are a hundred metres tall."

"Which is BS by the way. Who's ever heard of a tree that big?"

"Actually," Whitley whispered awkwardly. "The largest tree on Remnant is 115 metres. It's in Vacuo and I got to see it once on a holiday…" He trailed off as he realised the two normally nice but currently stressed out girls were fixing him with the darkest of expressions. "N-Never mind…"

Oscar sat apart from it all, rather sure in his own success thanks to the encyclopaedia of all knowledge occupying his head, who had initially stated he would not help him cheat – for all of the time it took Oscar to point out he might be up to visiting that coffee shop Ozpin liked if he did well on the exams. The rest was history.

It seems a little unfair to hold exams straight after we got back from Atlas.

"Time waits for no one," Ozpin replied. "If it's any consolation, I'm sure Glynda and Jaune were caught just as unprepared. Sadly, it's not within their authority to cancel it all. They're legally required to hold these exams."

That was all well and good, but the school was a warzone. The infirmary was full of people who had, by some loss of judgment, decided they'd rather deal with Tsune than studying. He pitied those fools in particular. Teams roamed together, guarding holy textbooks they'd managed to rent out the library before the rush could hit.

The first day had been misleading, because once it was all announced, a fair number of the student body had decided to complain and try to convince the teachers to put it back so they had more time. The wiser ones had taken advantage of the lapse in judgment to rent out all the best books, and now it was war. A civil war. A Beacon Civil War.

"Ah, Glynda never did let me introduce that initiative. A shame. I'm convinced it would have gone down well." Ozpin's voice turned sly. "Better than you last night."

Oscar's face burned bright red. I thought it was alcohol!

"Yes, and you let that punch – which was grape, by the way – go straight to your head. For all that she talks the talk, I doubt Miss Xiao-Long would give alcohol to a minor. Still, it was amusing seeing you say things you shouldn't thinking you were drunk."

Gah. At least he hadn't asked anyone out. Small mercies. In the end, it had all just been an elaborate prank to rile Weiss up, which it worked perfectly as. The teachers certainly hadn't held back, though. They'd been guzzling through the night.

"Oscar!" Yang snapped. "Stop sitting there looking smug. You don't know this either-"

"It's 55D," he said, reciting what Ozpin told him. "You forgot to factor in the fact you'd be seeing the trees blocking the smoke at an angle. And the Grimm wouldn't be at 52C. They'd be at 50B."

Both Blake and Yang gaped at him. "B-But they move at seven miles an hour," Blake mumbled.

"Yes, but they have to make their way through the ruined village and the general rule is to halve speed where rough terrain is involved. You really should know this. Oobleck covers it often enough in his lessons."

"Wha-? But you – But…"

"Arghhh!" Yang gripped her head between two hands. "I can't handle this anymore!"

"This is day one," Oscar pointed out. "If you can't handle it now, how bad are you going to be the day before the exams? Which, by the way, are in two days' time." He paused as everyone stared at him, eyes wide and mouths open. They looked pale. Very pale. "Wait, you did read the message Miss Goodwitch sent out this morning, didn't you? Due to Beacon being needed to respond to Vacuo as soon as possible if they need help, Beacon has been forced to bumped the exams up a bit. They start in three days, not at the end of next week."

"T-Three days…?"

He watched them tremble. "I thought you all knew."

Their screams could have awoken the dead.

/-/

Roman, Cinder, Jaune, Neo, Willow, Sienna, Kali and Ghira sat in front of a projector screen while Glynda strode back and forth like a drill instructor, slapping her crop into the palm of her hand. On the screen, large letters posed the following: "Midterms 101 – a Peter Port Presentation on Surviving the End of Days".

Alongside it was a cartoonish figure of the man in question, sobbing on his hands and knees as a meteorite approached. It wasn't the most inspiring of images, but then they weren't the most inspiring of people. Technically speaking, not one of them wasn't a criminal in one form or another. Roman, Sienna and Neo were obvious, but Jaune was complicit and Kali and Ghira technically created the White Fang. Cinder… well, the less said the better.

And now they were all teachers (or subbing as them) at Beacon.

Heaven help the children.

Jaune ran a hand through Zwei's fur as he sat on his stool. The poor corgi had come crawling into his and Neo's room the day before, dragging his bed behind him and setting it up at the foot of their bed next to the giant Nevermore. With Team RWBY being a little… louder than usual, his sharp ears were forced to seek refuge. Neo must have been a blessing in that regard. Even with Glynda storming about slapping her crop left and right, it was still more peaceful than the student dorms.

"Now, surviving the exams is easy so long as you follow the cardinal rules." Glynda changed the slide to a list. "See no student. Hear no student. Speak no student. Our job is only to administer the exams. Do not even think about talking to a student as a human being. Do that for one second and suddenly they're crying and begging you for help and you're being guilted into it."

The next slide featured a picture of Coco Adel looking vert un-Coco Adel. She was sobbing, face red and hands balled up to rub at her cheeks.

"Awww," Willow said. "That poor girl…"

"No!" Glynda slammed her crop down. "Not a poor girl!" The slide switched, showing the same Coco, same image really with the tears still on her cheeks, but now smiling deviously. "This, ladies and gentlemen, is the enemy!"

"Coco is the enemy?" Kali asked.

"Yes. Though in this exact case, I meant the student body in general, but that rule can be safely utilised in any situation. The students are out for one thing and one thing only. A passing grade. Show even a scrap of empathy and they'll have you tutoring them for forty-eight hours straight. Believe me, I've been there." The slide switched, this time to several Beacon students smiling happily. It was the kind of picture you'd want used on a promotional leaflet or website. "Usually, the student is a calm, conscientious and polite creature."

"Creature-?" Ghira rumbled.

The slide changed with a click. Gone were the loveable children. Replaced were feral cavemen and women, hair sticking up, eyes red and with bags under them. One was dressed in pyjamas. The other wore shoes that didn't match, while the third looked like she hadn't seen bath nor bed for weeks. Jaune wasn't the only one to recoil.

"This is the student during exam periods. They become like Grimm. They do not sleep. They do not eat. They do not stop. They are mindless! Rather than study through the year, they instead cram a year's worth of knowledge into their heads in the final three days – and the brain can't handle that! I've seen Beowolves with more mental capacity!"

"Not Blake, surely," Ghira said. "I'm sure she's been studying hard."

"Yes Blake! Every student!" Glynda almost bent her crop in two. "And every year their parents titter at parent-teacher conference day and say `oh, but my loveable child is different`-" The high-pitched simpering voice even had Cinder leaning back. "-but they're not! Your child isn't different and isn't the reincarnation of Saint Ozma the first! They're all the same, and you're frankly bonkers if you think otherwise. Blake is be no different. In fact, she's worse. With how often she wasted time chasing after everything with the words `White` and `Fang` in their name, I wouldn't be surprised if she learnt a single thing this year!"

Jaune raised a hand. "Um-"

Glynda ignored him. "After the exams, they will be different. That is the crash. The moment where the all-nighters hit, and they pass out for a full day or more. And make no mistake, it is a glorious moment! Until then, it's hell, and we'll be expected to stay up to keep track."

That predictably had everyone complaining, Jaune among them. "Why? They can pull all-nighters without us."

"Oh really, and what happens if Miss Nikos is so tired she forgets she can curb stomp entire teams and bends a teammate into a pretzel? Or if Miss Schnee loses focus due to sleep deprivation and summons a ghost knight to rampage around the school, hm? What happens if students fight over past exam papers in the library and it turns into an all-out brawl? Do you expect our librarians to leap in and defeat training huntsmen? Because I don't and believe me when I say it's not in their contract. I should know since I wrote them. Anyone have any other suggestions?"

A hand was raised.

"Yes Neo."

Silence ensued.

"I despise you, Neo." Glynda pointed at the mute girl with the shit-eating grin. "I hate you and everything you stand for. We will have to look over the library and cafeteria in shifts. Yes, that will also remain open – more for the vending machines than anything. Speaking of, last year a can of energy drink got stuck. Chaos ensued."

"You mean like when you put money in, and it doesn't release all the way?" Roman asked.

"Yes. The student in question decided to try and shake it loose, and then to give it a few sharp taps on the side when that failed. He needed the energy drink, after all." Glynda crossed her arms imperiously. "Next thing I know, I find Mr Daichi passed out amidst the remains of four vending machines covered in empty packets of sweets and with chocolate smeared across his face like war paint."

"Daichi?" Jaune's eyes widened. "Yatsuhashi!? But he's so relaxed!"

"Exam time!" Glynda barked. "The students you know are not the students we see!"

"So our goal is what?" Willow asked. "To walk around and be seen? Keep the peace?"

"Our goal is to be authority figures. To remind people that we are here and not – not I say – to be led astray by students suffering exam stress. Any questions?" Neo raised her hand. "Any real questions?"

Sienna raised hers.

"Yes?"

"How are you ignoring the fact Kali has been necking Ghira since this all started?"

Kali pulled her lips away from her husband's neck, sitting on his lap with her arms around his head. Ghira weathered it with the firmness of a mountain, either too inured or too broken to feel embarrassed. Potentially both. "I'm sorry," she giggled. "Is this distracting…?"

Glynda closed her eyes. "With great determination, Sienna. With great determination."

Willow raised her hand too. "Is that allowed? Like, are we okay to-?"

"NO!"

"Just asking…"

"Exams!" Glynda growled, slamming her crop into the screen. "Focus on the exams. I did not survive the invasion of Atlas only to come back and fall here. You shall all play your part, or I swear to any God listening I shall become an enemy so terrifying you'll be running to Salem begging her to take you in. And she will refuse out of the mind-numbing terror of making an enemy of Glynda Goodwitch, for which no army of Grimm will provide sufficient safety! AM. I. UNDERSTOOD!?"

"Y-Yes."

"Of course."

"You're the boss. Well, technically I am, but who's keeping track?"

"Good." Glynda huffed and deflated, pushing the glasses that had come to dangle from her nose back up over her eyes. "Very good. Now Neo, I can see your hand waving. Do you have an actual question this time, or is this your attempts at humour again?" Glynda watched the diminutive girl cross her fingers over her chest. "Very well. Ask away."

Neo stood, mimed sitting, mimed pulling something out her pocket and looking around suspiciously – then caused that depiction of herself to shatter into glass as she stabbed down onto it with a vicious smile.

Then, she looked to Glynda hopefully. Jaune and Roman exchanged confused shrugs.

"I'd prefer you use a blunt instrument to punish cheaters," Glynda answered. "But by all means, be rough. We are training huntsmen after all."

Neo rubbed her hands together.

/-/

Qrow swooped in and transformed in one practiced move, landing in a crouch with Harbinger at his side. The desert sand made it a little tricky and his feet sank in, forcing him to bend a knee to compensate. There was no ambush waiting, however. He wouldn't have landed if there was. In fact, there wasn't much of anything. The once glorious Shade Academy had been reduced to a shell of its former glory, the buildings built into the side of a shade-granting mountainside silent and broken, its life-giving oasis at the front churned up and lonely, trees knocked and trampled aside.

"Fuck," he whispered sadly. "And this used to be such a nice place."

Of the Grimm there were no sign and that was telling. When Mountain Glenn fell, the Grimm remained for decades. They hunted negativity, but only if they could find it close by. Most Grimm didn't bother migrating unless something drew them, so to not be challenged by at least some was suspicious.

Cautiously, he picked his way toward the main school building, grimacing at the remains of what could only be its defenders. There weren't enough for the whole student body. He prayed to anyone listening that they'd evacuated. The faculty would have known a last stand wouldn't serve anyone.

The front entrance had once been barricaded but that had been swept aside. The foyer was a mess, the furniture turned on its side for cover and at times broken. The lack of any Grimm bodies made it look like a one-sided massacre, but he knew better. The people within would have reaped a horrendous tally.

We should have been here, he thought as he picked his way through the mess. Fucking Salem launching a distraction attack on Atlas while she pulled this. We had no idea. Whether that was a hacking of the CCT or not was still up in the air. They'd done it once in Beacon, though. No reason they couldn't pull it off twice.

Reaching the doorway leading to the Bullhead platforms – raised high up off the sand for obvious reasons – he was relieved to find that empty of aircraft. There had been an evacuation, then. Hopefully, it was the majority of the students who got away. He'd need to check with the nearest town or Vacuo itself to get a full grasp of the situation.

Leaving the docks behind, Qrow made his way back down to the front entrance and out, walking along the cliff face itself toward the oasis. The beautiful water was still clear, even with the dead bodies littered around the outside. Stripping off his cloak and leaving his scroll behind with it, he dove into the oasis.

Cold relief washed over him. A welcome relief from the burning heat. Shade's oasis granted it life – or used to. A naturally occurring source of clean, drinkable water. Dragging his hands through it, he swam deeper and deeper, eyes piercing the depths to a stone structure at the bottom, almost invisible from the surface. Two plinths standing up before seemingly nothing. As he got deeper, the entrance beneath became more apparent. From the surface, it was all but invisible.

Pulling under and through, he swam a short distance through a narrow tunnel before it quickly rose up. His head broke the surface in a small cave on the other side. Gasping for air, he hunkered his arms down on the rocky lip and pulled himself up. It was dark within, but a small generator stood nearby with a lantern atop it. Flicking that on, the limited dust supplies within illuminated three small lights attached via wires to the cave's ceiling. They led to a huge, stone door that stood open, the resting place within empty, plundered.

"Just my luck…"

The Relic of Destruction had been lost.

"Couldn't be the Relic of Happy Thoughts, could it? Just had to be Destruction. Even if Oz never said what the bloody thing does, clue's in the name, isn't it?" Running a hand through his wet hair, he noted the lack of a body. The Summer Maiden was presumably still alive, then, though there was no telling if she was loyal to Salem or not. "Guess I need to head to the city and call this in. Here's hoping there's still a city when I get there."

Who could say? Salem might feel tempted to test out her new toy.

I've a very small omake here because I've missed doing them. Hard to find the time in the lockdown however, which is ironic. I should have more time, but because I'm constantly being distracted by things, I somehow have less.

Dogs love it, though. Constant attention. Oh, and the borrowed joke was about the calculator and comes from an old Hat Films skit.

Short Omake:

"The Relic of Destruction, Ozpin. What does it do?"

"What do you think it does, Jaune? It destroys."

"Specifically, I mean. A gun destroys. A bulldozer destroys. To hear the news, video games destroy. Give me details. What is the Relic exactly? Jinn was a lamp that summons a genie that answers three questions."

"Yes. Original, isn't it?" Ozpin rolled his eyes. "Never let it be said that the Brother Gods had much in the way of imagination. I mean, really, they called themselves the God of Light and Dark. What, no God of that middle-ground when the light pierces through your blinds at the perfect angle to wake you up?"

"Ozpin. Focus!"

"Ah right. Yes." Ozpin coughed into Oscar's fist. "The Relic of Destruction. Well, it's a sword."

Jaune leaned forward. "A magical sword?"

"Presumably."

"You don't know?"

"Should I?" Ozpin held his arms out wide. "Oh, of course. I should have tested it, I assume. Yes, it's just the Relic of Destruction. Totally innocent name. Not at all threatening. I'll just swing it around and give it a go, shall I? Nothing bad could come from that."

Jaune winced. "Okay. Fair point. But then, do we know if it does anything?"

"W-Well it must. It's the Relic of Destruction."

Taking a pencil off his desk, Jaune snapped it in two and let the pieces fall to the floor. "Does that make me a tool of destruction?"

"You're not magic. The Relic is."

"Okay, fine. So it… destroys things. Vaguely. And it's a sword. We had the Relic of Knowledge and that had specific rules to it. I'm assuming the sword would as well? Is that how it works with the others?"

"To a degree," Ozpin replied. "The Relic of Knowledge is a lamp that houses Jinn. The Relic of Creation is a staff – and I'll admit, I'm lost on that one. Too much Grottos and Grimm, perhaps? The Relic of Choice is a crown."

"Because the king makes the choices? Huh. The Gods are monarchists, then."

"What did you expect? Kings and Queens always like to say they're chosen by God. This time, they're right. Why does it matter? It's still a tool of incredible power that lays now in the hands of our enemy."

"It matters because if it works like I think it does, I might have a plan…."

/-/

"Challenging me to a dual. What an interesting human you are." Salem laughed mockingly at him. Everything about her invoked terror and Jaune's bowel clenched. He steadied himself, raising Crocea Mors and taking a deep breath. "Do you really believe you can best me?" she taunted. "I, who wield the Relic of Destruction!?"

The sword was almost as terrifying as she. It radiated bloodlust and felt sapient. Something about it just felt… alive. And it was hungry. Without a doubt, he knew that if that thing touched him, his life would end. Perhaps even be destroyed beyond all reason, devoured, consumed and obliterated until not even the soul remained.

"I must do this," he whispered. "For humanity!"

Salem lunged in, sweeping the Relic over her head. The Relic of Destruction fell like a meteor, burning the very air around it. The audience, every human on Remnant, watched on in terror. "Then you may die with the rest of them!"

Fate hung in that moment, trapped in the instant between life and death.

Until Jaune parried the blow away without moving from his spot.

Salem tripped and staggered forward, stumbling past him with wide eyes. No one else dared move, watching in shock as the Queen of the Grimm righted herself on his other side, staring down at the Relic of Destruction before readying it again. "A lucky move. Take this!"

Jaune deflected the lunge.

"Hah!"

Side-stepped the slice.

"DIE!"

He flicked Crocea Mors against the Relic of Destruction, diverting its edge yet again. And again. And again! Ten strikes became twenty, then thirty, until Salem was wailing recklessly on him and he had to give ground. Calmly, though. Crocea Mors continued to weave before him, moving only marginally to ward away the constant barrage.

Eventually, the Relic of Destruction thudded down, Salem with it, falling to her knees as she panted for breath, sweat running down her inhuman face.

"Why?" she panted. "Why aren't you destroyed? Why – hah – are you still standing?"

Far less fatigued, having kept his own motions relatively small compared to hers, Jaune lowered his blade and took a relaxed stance, balancing it on the floor. "Well it's a sword," he said. "The Relic of Destruction is a sword."

"And what – gah – is your point!?"

"You have to hit me with it. And last I checked with Ozpin, you weren't trained in swordplay. And I doubt that changed ever since you became immortal and never had to worry about swords. Simply put, you might have the most powerful weapon on Remnant, but you have no idea how to use it. I mean, even as a fraud myself, I'm still a better swordsman than you are."

The audience gaped. Tyrian slapped his own face. Yang snickered. In the distance, he was sure he heard Ozpin burst into laughter. Salem, kneeling before him, looked from him to the Relic, back to him, and said the only thing she could.

"FUCK!"

Next Chapter: 14th May

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