Chapter two. Winter and the Meaning of Life.

Meditating as an exercise to get acquainted with the feeling of one's chakra is quite the experience. One starts with breathing, eyes closed. Eleven seconds in, and seven seconds out. Evening out and balancing the intake and outtake of oxygen going into the body; gradually taking longer with each breath. Then, one can properly feel the body; the heart, the blood pumping through the veins, the energy of each and every part of our body that keeps us alive. This last one is what makes the physical part of energy in chakra.

It starts out dark, the emptiness in the black of the back of one's eyelids. Even if one cannot see it, we definitively can feel it, it's warm and comforting, like an embrace created by the realization that we are in fact alive. And then, there is a light; a tiny bluish glimmer burning within one's body. It starts out little, maybe the size of a rice grain; but given time and encouragement, it grows. You can gradually see more of it. Although a more appropriate word would be 'feel'; you can feel it growing, or to be precise, you feel more of it. Like a light that is being shed over your body, making those corners that were once in the dark, visible. With patience and time, you slowly discover parts of your chakra system you did not know existed before.

If getting a feel of my coils and their shortcomings and weak points was hard; then I expected actually channeling chakra would be a bitch and a half. But even before I even got to that, I had to learn how to identify and separate it. Yeah, separate a 'light' that I could see inside my body. Notice my enthusiasm please.

Here is where meditating turned hardcore.

The aim was to identify and separate the physical and spiritual portions of my chakra in order to make its manipulation easier. That was the theory; I understood what I was supposed to do. Now carrying it out was another thing entirely. Have you ever tried to separate a light? To say I was having a hard time with it would have been an understatement; but I wouldn't say I hadn't improved either. I just wasn't improving at the rate I would have hoped.

"Nope, I lost it again." I said opening my eyes and whipping the sweat off my brow with the back of my sleeve. Sat across me, was Shisui, eyes scarlet staring right at me with a steaming teacup in his hands.

The glass panels of the veranda were closed to keep the freezing November wind out. And even though it still hadn't snowed, the low temperatures were preventing us from training outside. The chakra flow to Shisui's eyes was cut, making them go back to their original black. His face remained as relaxed as ever, with the same soft warmth he always had radiated. There was no frustration, no impatience, no disappointment in his eyes when he looked at me. and as much as that put me at ease, I wanted that expression to change to one of pride.

"It took you less time to find your core, this time. And you held it for fifteen more minutes than last time. You are showing progress, Akane-chan."

Two years had passed since both my brother and the Uchiha heir had promised to help me become a kunoichi. Itachi and I were scheduled to start the academy on spring, and my brother had graduated early and was now on the active genin corps. Because of the ongoing war, Shisui was not in Konoha that much anymore, he had to run supply missions to the outposts and camps across the entire country. But when he was home, he spent every spare moment he had either training me or just making me company while I did my chores.

When he wasn't though, Itachi would take over for him and help me out; to his two year old otouto's great annoyance. When Sasuke had turned two, I had made the toddler my little sidekick, even if his brother was not fond of the idea, and every time Itachi brought him over to our home, we would plot against him. The thing is, Itachi loved nothing more than he loved his little brother, so whenever we would do this, he would get extremely annoyed, even if he would never show it, even less admit it. But he always appreciated the help when he had clan meetings to attend and couldn't bring Sasuke with him.

"It still isn't good enough if I can't pull out a D-rank jutsu Nii-san."

My impatience had grown as I developed my skills, the further I got, the faster I wanted to 'master the damn thing already'. I could see it; Shisui could see it. Even out grandparents were starting to notice something was wrong; what with the tension that seemed to be growing around out little training group, and the fact that I hadn't shown signs of being able to perform neither ninjutsu nor genjutsu. It was more than I could handle at the time.

I only had a few months left before classes at the academy started, and even if we would not be working with chakra usage until second year; I was still expected to be ahead of the other clan kids. The Uchiha had always excelled at chakra control and usage, the fact that there was one that at the age of six could not do the leaf exercise properly, would put into question the excellence of the entire clan. The elders, as well as the rest of the Uchiha family would suffer this, and our already poor relations with the rest of the village would deteriorate even further. Because who wants to marry someone or make relations with a clan that cannot live up to its reputation.

I could neither bear to be the disgrace of the Uchiha nor being another factor for the further segregation between our clan and the rest of Konoha.

"You know it still isn't enough Nii-chan." I sighed.

I was tired already, even if it was not yet noon and the sun hadn't even made its appearance over the eastern wall. My brother poured another cup of tea and placed it before me on the low table between us. We were sitting at out Obaa-chan's tea table on the veranda. The glass panels that during summer and spring were open, were now shut to keep the warmth from escaping the house. The yard was bare, as it was every winter, and the soft wind made the fallen leaves and the naked branches whisper.

"You are too aware of what would happen should you not excel at the academy; sometimes I forget it's not normal for someone your age to have such a sharp mind." Shisui smiled softly and turned to watch the leaves fly up and away from the yard with the wind. "Being a flawless student is not everything, Akane. What you learn is useful, yes. But it doesn't prepare you for what happens out in the field."

Shisui had never told me about any of his mission after he made chunin, which clued me in on what was happening outside the village walls. After the attack of the Kyuubi, which, by the way was the worst night in my life until then, I realized that there were vile things going on in the shinobi world, there always had been. The night the nine tails appeared, Shisui had been out on a mission, and Itachi had been staying at my grandparent's house with a new born Sasuke while his parents were on duty.

We were sat on the veranda when it happened, the night was clear, warm, the moon shone bright above the Hokage Mountain and everything was silent and peaceful. Until we sensed something evil in the atmosphere. Something big, very powerful, terrible and full of rage was coming; and there was no way for us to prepare for what was going to happen. I will spare you the details, but it was chaos. Many people died, among them my grandparents, and most of the village was destroyed.

That was the first day I experienced real fear and later grief. It seemed like an eternity before Shisui was allowed to come back, during that time, I stayed on my own. The Uchiha compound had been destroyed, and authorities were still deciding the new layout for the village. My brother's arrival made things a little better, but when we were told we would not be able to rebuild our homes in the same place, we were both angry and relieved in equal measure. We longed for the home we had grown up in, but we also didn't think we could bear to live in that house anymore, not with them gone.

After that, I never asked Shisui about his missions again. Not then, not when he awakened his Sharingan, not when it gained a second Tomoe. I knew bad things happened for one to awaken or evolve their Sharingan, and I didn't dare ask. I knew the world was a cruel place and I didn't want to make it worse for Shisui to satisfy my own curiosity.

"It is important to learn everything, yes. But the field, that is where shinobi are made. so just concentrate on passing your classes Akane-chan. Exceptional shinobi are those who adapt the fastest to a situation and come up with a way to solve it, not the one who can perform the biggest jutsu."

It was almost ten o'clock, my brother and I sat in silence for a while, peacefully sipping on our tea. The cold winter breeze blew once again; making the leafless sakura tree sway. I had traded my old navy yukata for some of Shisui's old winter training gear, but it didn't feel right. There was something missing whenever I dressed up in the mornings; the familiar soft fabric of the garment wasn't there anymore, and neither was the smell of home. My brother had washed his clothes so many times in order to get rid of the blood, sweat and dirt; that they didn't even smell like him anymore either. If there was something shinobi were good at, then that was erasing traces of themselves; the fact that his clothes didn't have his scent anymore was odd and unfamiliar, but at the same time made him a great shinobi. It felt like he was gradually erasing his existence, even from his own home. And I for one, didn't like that at all.

"Sometimes I wish you weren't such a good shinobi, Nii-chan." I whispered.

Shisui didn't reply; he didn't have to. My brother had always been good at reading people's moods, especially mine. He realized there was nothing he could say that would help, so he just sat there and drank his tea. The silence that had settled was not awkward, with him it never was. It was one of those silences in which each person has their minds occupied with something; it was a busy silence, full of thoughts and words that would probably never be said out loud.

"It's unusual for him to be this late, don't you think?" I said once I managed to clear my head from some of my worries and frustrations. "He would usually have been here about an hour ago.."

I finished my cup of tea and set it on the table once again. It was a very cold morning, signaling the start of a new, early winter that would cover everything in beautiful white snow as soon as a few clouds gathered in the sky.

I had often wondered how something as beautiful and ever-changing as the sky could often reflect life on earth so perfectly. It was not unusual for it to rain during deaths, funerals or deeply disturbing occurrences. Back then, I could have never related rain or storms to good events and memories, but I'd like to think that years later my mindset has grown out of those misconceptions. As time would go by; I would realize that bright, warm, sunny days could be every bit as gloom where shinobi life was concerned. That day, the sky was clear, the winter sun was barely warm enough to keep water from freezing and birds were chirping in the wind. It was a nice day.

I thought it was a nice day.

"He left with Fugaku-sama for the frontlines. He though it would be good for Itachi to be aware of what is going on and what war is like; to prepare him for the future."

The wind blew harder than before, making the glass panels tremble, a shiver went down my spine and goose bumps appeared on my arms. Shisui stayed still, holding his cup, with his back straight and his eyes forward and in a perfect seiza. Something was wrong. He didn't like the idea of anyone my age being so close to the horrifying truth that was shinobi life on a battlefield.

"Itachi-san is strong, Nii-san. He's very bright too, I'm sure he'll be fine. He has to, he doesn't have a choice."

I went to stand and resume with my training, but across me, my brother moved and caught my attention once again. He was smiling; it was not a happy smile though. No, it was a sad, ironic, almost bitter smile. I never did like when Shisui smiled like that, it meant there was something that, whether he liked it or not, was going to happen; try as he might to change it. It was the smile he gave me when he left for a mission, the same smile he gave me when he told me we couldn't keep our old home after the Kyuubi attack.

"You are right, Akane-chan. As usual."

I had long ago learned that it was nearly impossible to get my brother to tell me what was going through his head at times like these; so with a small smile of my own, I opened one of the veranda glass panels and stepped down into the yard for the physical part of my training regime.

()()()()()()()()()

Somewhere far away from Konohagakure no Sato, near the borders of Fire Country; a boy of six runs along the remains of a battlefield looking for survivors. In the distance he can hear wheat little is left of his enemies trying to make a stand, but that doesn't matter, he has a job to do. The sun is rising over the eastern horizon of the barren field, and the chaos that took place the night before is nowhere to be seen.

The destruction is absolute. Half collapsed mud walls, scorch marks, and residual water from jutsu used, as well as the shuriken, kunai, swords and arrows that mine the floor; are all tainted in scarlet. Every couple of meters there is a fresh corpse, product of an enemy who bested their opponent. Not five meters away, to his right; a man calls desperately for water. His voice is hoarse, his body heavy with exhaustion, but still he manages to lift an arm in his plea for help.

The boy runs to aid the fallen man, who still has his hitai-ate tied to his forehead; but that is not important now. The man needs help. It doesn't take long for the man to be given what he asked for, and as he drinks, he looks up to see who he should be thanking. Black, slanted eyes the same color of his hair, and the stoic impassive expression only a member of the Uchiha clan could have. A clan that belonged to Konoha, an enemy clan of his birthplace: Iwagakure no Sato.

His body acts as fast as his exhaustion allows him. He takes a kunai and does not hesitate. But he is not quick enough. Before he can even stand to his full height, there is a slit on his throat and he is bleeding to death.

Itachi's expression does not change; he is still calm and collected when he looks up to his father to ask why would the man want to kill him.

"This is not a war between people. It is a war between nations." Is all Fugaku says.

And Uchiha Itachi is left in the middle of a deserted battlefield, to wonder what the meaning of life is.