Chapter 42: Dinner
Joyce and Donna exited the taxi and stood on the pavement looking around. Joyce visited the city of New York several times over the years, but she could not recall ever being to Jackson Square. The small square was one of New York's oldest parks and was located literally opposite the front door of the building where Kami lived.
Both ladies admired the park, it looked like a refreshing oasis offsetting the buildings around it. Even though it was evening time, several persons could be seen sitting and chatting with each other, while others sat alone in the glow from the screens of their electronic devices.
Donna turned and looked at her friend. She saw the tension around her eyes and lips. For the first time since she suggested to Kami that they should get together, Donna wondered if she was pushing her friend too hard. Her end game was to have a relationship with Joyce that was more than friendship. This opportunity to socialize with Joyce's old lover and her fiancée, seemed too good to pass up at the time. She felt that if Joyce saw how happy Kami was, it might be the catalyst she needed to establish her own happiness. But now seeing how tense Joyce was, Donna began to have second thoughts. Her body ached for Joyce, but she was willing to place her friend's emotional comfort above her own release.
Placing a gentle hand on her friend's arm she said,
"Joyce, we don't have to do this if you really do not want to. We can hail a taxi and be back at our hotel in just a matter of minutes".
Joyce did not realize her 'in control, confident' expression had slipped. If truth be told, she enjoyed the blatant flirting she indulged in with Donna several minutes ago. She had put on her 'I am in charge of everything' face so that Donna would think she was on top of their coquetry. But apparently her game face slipped. Even though Joyce was at peace mentally over the fact that Kami was happy with Hildy, a part of her heart still felt annoyed that Hildy was loved and she was not. She knew that this was an irrational feeling, but she could not help it. She knew intellectually and emotionally that she had a beautiful woman in Donna, and she intended to not only taste the water but also drink it. At the same time the thought of seeing the 'happy couple' in their element, loving each other grated on her a little, and caused her to feel a level of tension. This tension is what Donna picked up on.
Joyce looked at her friend and wondered if to take her up on her offer. "I would much prefer going out with Donna than being here in the company of the two love birds. But if I do that, they will know that I could not deal with the dinner", Joyce thought to herself.
From a young age, she learned to mask her inner thoughts and feelings by projecting an impression of cool, aloft, and in control. This persona only allowed others to see what she wanted them to see. This skill served her well over the years but at the same time it was a doubled edged sword. When people interacted with her, they often erroneously believed she was cold, unfeeling, exact, controlling, and a perfectionist. While these attributes were in large correct, Joyce was also warm, sensitive, uncertain, and harder on herself than she was on anyone else. If she turned around now and went back to the hotel or out to a restaurant with Donna, it would be the same as admitting her emotional armor had kinks in it. It would be the same as admitting she was disturbed by Kami and Hildy's union. It would be the same as admitting she still cared on some level, and that would not do.
Straightening her shoulders, she looked deeply into at Donna's eyes and said "I am fine. We are doing this" and walking into the foyer of the building and gave their names to the doorman before proceeding to the elevator. Donna followed a step behind her friend and hoped the evening would go as planned.
Hildy heard the doorbell as she stepped out of their bedroom on the upper floor of their penthouse home. Kami came out of the kitchen and walked across the entry hall towards the front door but rather that going directly to it, she stopped at the bottom of the staircase and looked up at her lady and asked "Sweetheart, are you coming?". Hildy nodded and descended the staircase as Kami reached out and took her hand in hers before lightly kissing her fingers.
Leading the way to the front foyer with Hildy walking at her side, Kami opened the door and welcomed their guests.
Donna picked up a bottle of non-alcoholic wine from the bar at their hotel on their way out. She was the type of guest who always walked with something when she was invited to dinner at a relative's or a friend's house. When Joyce saw the bottle she lifted her eyebrow because she did not think of it, plus she felt that dinner offering sent the wrong message; a message that said 'they were happy to be there', and for her that was not really the case.
Joyce rang the doorbell and waited with Donna in silence for Kami or Hildy to open the door. The air felt charged with energy that was almost palpable. Both women were lost in their own thoughts; Joyce wondering how soon after arriving she could leave without it looking too bad. Donna wondering how long she could stay without overstaying her welcome. Before either lady could come up with answers to their internal musing the door was opened, and their hosts greeted them.
Joyce and Donna were both immediately struck by the beauty of the penthouse. Donna decided to speak first after the pleasantries were exchanged and the wine presented. She wanted to take as much pressure off her friend as possible and place her at ease at the same time.
"Kami, Hildy, I must compliment you both on your beautiful home".
Smiling brightly Kami accepted the compliment and said, "My grandmother is the one to whom the credit must go. She decorated our home"
Joyce arched her eyebrow with a disbelieving expression on her face and asked, "Your grandmother decorated your home?"
Hildy immediately felt her hackles raise at the slightly condescending tone to Jaz's voice. Before Kami could reply Hildy said in a tone that was deliberately devoid of inflection, "Yes she did". Hildy was determined to appear cool and in complete control of her emotions. She did not want Jaz to realize she felt annoyed by her tone.
Kami picked up on the slightly disbelieving look on her former lover's face and took the opportunity to shower her grandmother with well deserving praise.
"Besides being an architect, my grandmother is also an artist. Several of the three-dimensional pieces around our home were made by her. In additional to those, she personally selected most of the paintings on both levels of the penthouse. Hildy and I just added a few things over the last months".
Donna looked more closely at the artwork and was genuinely impressed.
"Your grandmother is a gifted lady Kami, you must be very proud of her", Donna said with a smile.
"I am", Kami beamed.
Joyce looked around the room and realized there was no way Kami's grandmother discovered her hidden artistic talents in her golden years. She surmised that Mrs. Robinson would have had to be an artist for several years to develop the skill to create the art that was tastefully displayed throughout the penthouse.
Looking at Kami with a question in her eyes she asked; "Kami, why didn't I know this?" Joyce gestured around the room.
"Know what?" Kami asked.
"Know that your grandmother was an artist? You never once mentioned that fact. And judging by the quality of the work around us, I would dare say your grandmother has been honing her talents for years? Why didn't you tell me this?"
Now Joyce did not mean to sound accusatory, but her tone came out like that because she felt slighted. She thought she knew everything about Kami, but the fact that her grandmother could produce such first-rate work and she was not aware of this rubbed her the wrong way. Added to this bit of information, the home she shared with Kami was never graced with art like this, but the home Kami shared with the detective was. This spoke volumes to Joyce, and the volumes hurt. When Joyce felt hurt, her go to reaction and response was to wall herself in and lash out with her tongue.
The hurt was like a match to kindling of jealousy. All the progress she made during the day, coming to terms with Kami being in a loving relationship, began to fracture. Her love for Donna did not list, but instead sat juxtapose to the commencement of the war of emotion that got a foot hold in her heart.
Unknown to her, Kami, Hildy and Donna saw her feelings flitter across her features. Each one of them felt a difference response to what they saw. Donna felt a little sinking of her heart as she wondered if the progress Joyce made that day would be for naught. She wondered if Joyce would start back up the foolishness of claiming she had 'rights' over Kami. Hildy however, felt her muscles tighten as if ready for fight. There was no way she was going to let Jaz cause a scene in her home. The home she was not keen on having Jaz enter in the first place.
Kami on the other hand felt compassion when she looked at Jaz. She understood her former girlfriend better than Hildy, Donna and even Jaz realized. Kami stepped closer to Jaz but not close enough to invade her personal space and said in a soft firm voice;
"Stop it".
At the sound of Kami's voice, Jaz attention was pulled from internal to external as she looked at Kami with narrowing eyes.
"Stop what?", Jaz asked with a slight lift of her perfectly shaped eyebrow. Kami did not answer the question but instead looked at Jaz. The air around them became charged as if they were communicating on an invisible frequency. Hildy and Donna looked on and both women waited on bated breath to see what would happen next.
Kami knew from the time when her life was intertwined with Jaz, that Jaz had deep rooted emotional issues that stemmed from her mother telling her she was not good enough. Those issues were what drove Jaz to be the best at everything she undertook. Under her polished exterior lay a woman who always felt that she had to prove herself worthy of everything she accomplished.
Kami was reading Jaz as if she was an open book. Kami saw as Jaz stood in the middle of the living room, she once more thought she was not worthy, she was not good enough. Kami mentally berated herself because she naively thought this last-minute dinner would be a walk in the park. She thought Jaz would follow the script she had in her mind of how the evening would turn out. Kami realized that she underestimated the emotional battles that Jaz often waged below her cool exterior. She also remembered in that instant that Hildy was only going along with her matchmaking dinner plans to make her happy but in truth and in fact, Hildy did not want Jaz in their home.
Thinking quickly, she sent up a silent prayer to Heavenly Father asking for help. She appealed to Him to grant her the words needed to diffuse the potentially explosive situation.
Addressing Jaz, Kami continued;
"Stop what you are thinking".
Jaz's features register surprise before putting on her lofty expression.
"Is mind reading one of your accomplishments now Kami", Jaz asked in a condescending tone.
"No, it is not, but I can read you. Before you say anything just listen Jaz."
Taking a deep breath to organize her thoughts Kami began to speak.
"I know you feel slighted, hurt and jealous that my grandmother gifted Hildy and I with most of the art in this home and she did not do the same for us when we were together".
Jaz's eyes flashed at Kami's words because they described what she was feeling to a tee. Stiffening her body as if to ward off a blow, Jaz stood still in silence.
Kami continued to speak, "The situation then was totally different to the situation now".
Jaz snorted at those words and replied in a soft deliberate voice "Yes. It. Is. We lived together for years, but you and … Hildy … have been together for barely one year".
At those words, Hildy felt some of her own insecurities begin to claw their way from the depths of her being to the surface. Closing her eyes momentarily, she willed herself to focus on the fact that Kami loved her, and it did not matter if they knew each other for one year or ten years, their love was strong. Refocusing on Kami's voice she listened once more.
"Yes, we lived together for years, and how many times during those years did you actively encourage me to talk about my family? Jaz do not edit the memory of our shared life together in order to cast yourself as the victim here. You did not like me talking with my family nor talking to you about them. Whenever I tried to share what was going on with them you tuned me out. I learned quickly that you were not really interested. Added to this, we lived on the other side of the country, and that did not encourage frequent visits from my grandparents".
Jaz's eyes flickered away from Kami's direct gaze for a few moments before looking at her again.
"Jaz, my living situation is completely different now. Hildy is interested in everything about me and my family. She goes out to lunch with Pappy more often than I do, and she is always chatting with my parents and Nana on the phone. She met my parents when they came to visit last year, and she has spent time with them when we visited Ipswich this year. Hildy has a relationship with my grandparents and parents. Can you honestly say you had a relationship with them Jaz? Even though you never met my parents personally, did you ever pick up the phone and call them just to say Hello? Did you ever ask to speak to them on the occasions when I had them on the phone?"
Jaz had the grace to avert her eyes once more before Kami continued speaking.
"You and I both know you tolerated Nana and Pappy the few times they came to visit".
Jaz glared at her former girlfriend after those words. In her heart Jaz knew that Kami spoke the truth, but she would have preferred not to hear it.
"When Hildy bought the penthouse, she wanted to show me that she will always take care of me even though she knew I did not need taking care of. My grandmother owns her own interior designs and decorating company. After Hildy purchased the penthouse … Oh, and by the way … I own the building as it was a gift to me from my Grandfather. Hildy is a lady of honour and had no intension of living, quote unquote 'off me'. So, she purchased this Penthouse for us to have as our home".
Jaz looked at Hildy when Kami said this. Jaz begrudgingly acknowledged that that gesture on Hildy's part showed how serious she was about her relationship with Kami. Turning her eyes back to Kami, Kami continued to speak.
"As I was saying, my grandmother offered to redo the entire inside of this place as a gift to us. When Nana makes up her mind to do something there is little you can do to stop her. As you can see, she did an excellent job".
Turning to look at Donna and Hildy, Kami said "We have a decision to make", then she turned back to Jaz and continued speaking.
"Everyone has a voice in my home, so you need to tell me honestly if you want to continue with this dinner or abort the entire evening?".
Everyone remained quiet.
Then Kami spoke again "I am going to lay my cards on the table here because I believe honesty is always the way to minimize misunderstandings".
Turning back to Donna she said. "Earlier today when Jaz and I met in Central Park she mentioned your name, and immediately my curiosity was piqued".
Donna remembered Joyce telling her as they sat in the Hilton's Salad Bar that she mentioned her name to Kami. Now that Kami also shared the same information, Donna became more curious to learn what was said.
Jaz looked from Kami, to Donna then back to Kami. The slits she maintained with her eyes for the last few minutes changed into wide open saucers, as she vigorously shook her head.
Donna asked in an almost whisper, "What did you all speak about?"
In a voice that sounded like an octave higher, Jaz squeaked "Kam Kam don't" as she shook her head at her friend. Kami looked at Jaz as she considered how to answer Donna's question.
Turning back to Donna she said; "Let's just say that when we bumped into each other on Fifth Avenue this afternoon, I felt Heavenly Father allowed our paths to cross for a reason. I was not going to pass up the opportunity to meet and get to know my old friend's new friend".
Donna listened to Kami's response to her question and tried to read between the lines with what she was not saying. Her curiosity to know what Kami and Joyce discussed at the Bow Bridge in Central Park became foremost in her mind. As such it was important for their dinner plans to continue. To make this happen Donna deduced that she would need to get Hildy to side with her to tip the scales in her favour.
Stepping over to Hildy and deliberately leaning into her personal space she playfully bumped her shoulder to Hildy's shoulder and said "What do you say Hildy? Would be a shame to let all this food go to waste. I am in favour of going ahead with the dinner plans". Then in a conspiratory stage whisper voice, she continued with a twinkle in her eyes, "And anything you want to know about Joyce I will tell you".
Hildy looked at Donna and smiled because she surmised that Donna knew the balance of scaled rested with her on if the dinner would continue or not. Hildy looked back to Jaz slightly nervous expression and then Kami's calm neutral features before turning once more to Donna. With a slow smile she responded in a stage whisper of her own, "I say we continue, and I might just take you up on your offer for information". Hildy then turned to Jaz and gave her the first genuine smile of the evening which produced a responding half groan, half whimper in Joyce that made the other three women laugh at her expanse.
"That's that then. Let me give you a little tour of the lower level of our home. The upper level is out master bedroom, en-suite, entertainment room, bathrooms, and guest rooms. Then we can sit down to dinner". Kami proceeded to do just that before guiding the other couple to the formal dining area and inviting everyone to plate their food.
The next hour was spent enjoying all the culinary delights Kami and Hildy arranged from their favorite restaurants. From the beginning, Donna began sharing light, funny anecdotes of Joyce and herself over the years in an attempt to put everyone at ease. Not even Joyce could have complained about what was shared because Donna made herself the butt of the jokes most times. She used her skills as an attorney to ask seemingly innocent questions that lead to both Hildy and Kami opening up to her. Hildy shared a bit of her life as an Inspector with the San Francisco Police Department as well as her work with her investigation firm in New York, while Kami talked about her life in both England and the United States.
As the evening progressed Donna told her hosts about her family and how close knitted they were. She shared her near-death experience with the aneurism and how the team of doctors at Loma Linda University Hospital saved her life. A team that Joyce was a part of as the lead surgeon.
Donna paused in her narration as she considered how to say what she wanted to say next. From the beginning of the dinner that evening she realized that Kami was checking her out. Not in a sexual way but in a way like she was being interviewed or considered for a job. Donna knew that Kami no longer was in love with Joyce, but Donna believed that Kami still had feelings of love for her former girlfriend. Those feelings were manifesting themselves in the way she was trying to protect Joyce in her own way. In attempting to gage if Donna was someone Joyce could trust her heart with, Kami was in fact looking out for Joyce's best interest.
Donna was tired of pussyfooting around with her own emotions as it related to Joyce. Deciding that it was now or never to publicly declare her interest in Joyce, Donna bravely continued speaking.
"I cannot speak for anyone else, but for me …. almost dying changed my entire outlook on life. I used to be, so career driven. It was always about the next big case that I was confident I would win. Yes, I spent time with my family and friends, but they generally came in second place to my life in the courtroom. My recovery time took longer than it should have because even though I was what the fashion industry would consider to be a perfect size, I was unhealthy. I skipped meals, did not eat healthily, and most of my exercise was walking around the courtroom", Donna said this with a chuckled in her voice and so did everyone else around the dining table.
"God gave me a second chance at life and I was so thankful". Donna's voice went from humourous to deadly serious as her mood changed.
"I purposed in my heart that I would take better care of my health. I began eating breakfast, I hardly ever did that before. I also began going to bed at a decent hour and exercising several times per week. The biggest change I made was with my job. I cut my workload literally in half, and the cases I did take did not involve much courtroom time. I left the criminal cases to my partners and the other lawyers in my firm. I also began having a social life once more".
Hildy listened to Donna talk about how her near death experience changed her outlook on life. She remembered the time she almost lost her life after being shot in San Francisco during the last case she and Terry worked on together for the police department there. She remembered how that incident was what prompted both she and Terry to leave the police department. They reevaluated their professional and personal lives and felt it was better in the long run to leave active policing behind. After much discussion, they pooled their resources and moved across the country to open the private investigation firm. Up to now when her body was tired, she still had a little weakness in her hand from her shoulder and arm injury. Hildy understood to some extent what Donna was speaking about with how almost dying could change your outlook on life.
Donna continued to speak by saying, "I began to pay closer attention to nurturing the relationship with my family and friends". Looking at Joyce she gave her a beautiful smile that was immediately reflected back at her without Joyce even realizing what she was doing.
Kami and Hildy looked at the couple and then looked at each other. Kami grinned and whispered to her fiancée, "I was right, they like each other".
Joyce looked at Donna's lovely smile and felt her heart melt inside of her. She wanted to be on the receiving end of that smile every hour of every day. She decided there and then that she wanted a life with Donna, not just as her friend but as her life partner. She wanted to test the water, drink the water, and then bathe in the water. She remembered the flirting she indulged in with Donna as they were leaving their hotel a couple hours ago, those mental images that their words invoked flashed across her mind and she blushed.
Donna saw her friend's cheek go from the one shade of caramel to a slightly darker shade and knew somehow that Joyce was remembering their flirtatious words from back at the hotel. This cause her to smile even wider and then chuckle.
Hildy cocked her eyebrow as she looked at the two women. It was as if they her having an unspoken conversation. Clearing her throat to get Donna's attention, Hildy said: "You were saying that your health scare affected the way you relate to your family and friends. I hope this new lease on life means you have a significant other, someone to warm your bed Donna", Hildy said boldly.
All eyes turned to Hildy as she looked at Donna without wavering her eyes.
Donna was taken by surprise with Hildy's bold question, but she did not let it show. Instead she took the opportunity to answer honestly and put an end to the beating around the bush that she had been doing all night concerning her intensions towards Joyce.
"No Hildy. I do not have a significant other or even an occasional warm body in my bed. The woman I want, the woman I love has been too busy with intermittent transient sexual encounters to see what is right before her eyes".
With those words a silence enveloped the room that appeared to leave no space for air because collectively Jaz, Kami and Hildy held their breath.
Donna continued speaking, "I have been subtle in the past, I showed this woman in many ways that I care deeply for her, but she can be very obtuse at times for someone who is highly intelligent"
Hildy chuckled and could not resist giving a slight jab to Jaz's ego by saying to Donna "Sometimes the so-called smart people, are the dumbest of all, in every which way except for their chosen profession".
To this Donna threw her head back and laughed heartily as Jaz narrow her eyes and looked on.
"I fully agree with you Hildy. This woman whom I love has an ego and a half at times. This was made abundantly clear recently when her pride was injured".
"How was her pride injured?" Hildy asked. Kami sat back in her chair captivated by the way Hildy and Donna were chatting as if no one else was in the room.
"Her pride, and I will admit some of her feelings were bruised when she discovered her old girlfriend who she had not been in contact with for over five years, is presently in a committed relationship and getting married"
Jaz sharp intake of breath was heard clearly by everyone.
Everyone ignored her.
"Hildy, would you believe that this woman whom I love was foolish enough to think she could walk back into her old girlfriend's life and pick up where they left off?"
"Donna, I believe you. Some folks are totally daft to emotional cues. They live in a La La Land and it is up to persons like us to anchor them to reality. Take for example this woman you love; she seems to be the kind of woman you might have to speak slowly to. You know. Use simple words. For example, you may need to turn to her and look her in the eyes and get into her personal space. Then you tell her in a clear business-like tone of voice something like …. Woman stop wasting your life and mine, life is short. Heavenly Father has not promised us tomorrow. I love you and I know you have deep feelings for me. Let us go forward together and leave the past in the past. … Then you put a solid no nonsense kiss on her … That's what I would do Donna"
The room got silent once more as Kami and Hildy waited to see what would happen next. Then Donna stood up abruptly and stepped over to Joyce, took her hand and pulled her up out of her seat. She proceeded to repeat verbatim what Hildy advised. Joyce looked at Donna with her eyes wide as she listed to the heartfelt speech. Then Donna kissed her so gently then it felt like a butterfly caress on her lips. Joyce stood still as she enjoyed the sensation that began on her lips and slowly spread like a wave to every cell in her body.
Slowly Donna pulled away and locked her eyes with Joyce. Then Joyce moved into Donna's personal space, pulled her firmly towards her and claimed her lips in a kiss that was firm and demanding. Joyce forgot about Kami, she forgot about Hildy, she forgot about the dinner, all she wanted was Donna. Her hands cupped Donna's shapely derriere began to caress her as Kami and Hildy looked on.
Turning to her fiancée Hildy said "Well, that went well".
Kami smiled at her lover and was about to reply when the doorbell rang.
The sound of the door chimes caused the kissing couple to break contact as they both blushed and turned to their hostesses.