Author's Note: Thank you not only for your kind words but also for your patience as life beat the shit out of me multiple times. Now that this chapter's finally here, enjoy!
Disclaimer: The following characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and this story derives from her original works, storylines, and world. Please do not sue me, I can barely pay tuition.
Warnings: Anxiety; PTSD; canon character death; prison.
Stacked with: MC4A; Shower of Words; Terms of Service; Licentious in Correct Key
Individual Challenge(s): Gryffindor MC (x4); Scaly Tales; Real Family; Cuppa; Golden Times; Bow Before the Blacks; Brush; Seeds; Ethnic and Present; True Colours; Small Book; The Real MC (Y)
Representation(s): Aurors (Tonks, Hestia Jones, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and Rufus Scrimgeour); fic ends around Christmas; Sunday morning traditions; Celestial Petals
Bonus Challenge(s): Middle Name; Mother Hen; Spinning Plates; Unwanted Advice; Mouth of Babes; Tomorrow's Shade; Second Verse (Bee Haven); Chorus (Ladylike); Demo (White Dress; Nontraditional; Found Family; Spinning Plates; Most Human Bean; Hot Apple; Dog Star; Where Angels Fear; Queen Bee; Pear-Shaped; Odd Feathers; Wabi Sabi; Bee Haven; Mouth of Babes; Tomorrow's Shade; Creature Feature; Surprise!; In the Trench; Forked Path; Gingersnap)
Tertiary Bonus Challenge(s): Poppy; Yarrow
Word Count: 7028
5
The Prisoner of Azkaban Part 1: A rat up the drainpipe
"Pancake day," Remus hummed. "Harry, blueberries or chocolate chips today?"
"Oooh, this!" Lily said when ABBA came on the radio. She grabbed Remus' hands and tried to drag him into a dance.
"Lily, stop, I'm going to burn something…"
"Nonsense, Harry's watching the stove!" Lily laughed. Remus rolled his eyes but spun her around indulgently.
"Nerds," Sirius said, walking into the kitchen and heading straight for the coffee. He grabbed the can of whipped cream that had been left on the counter preemptively and sprayed some directly into his mouth. Mouth full, he added: "Harry, come here."
"That was for later!" Lily said.
"Looks like someone should have been keeping an eye on the kitchen," Sirius said, spraying more in Harry's mouth. Obviously, because it was Sirius, he also got some all over his godson's face. Harry, nearly choking, laughed, and took his glasses off to wipe the whipped cream off of them.
"Silly boys," Lily said, returning to Remus' unattended pancakes, humming along to the radio.
In other words, it could have been any other Sunday. Any other Pancake Day. That was when the doorbell rang.
"I've got it," Lily said. She was, after all, the only one wearing a t-shirt in addition to her sweatpants—one she'd probably stolen from Sirius, though the lines of what belonged to who in The Woodland had been blurred years ago.
When she opened the door, there were three people—a greying wizard with hair like a lion, a tall Black man with an earring and a younger witch with bright pink hair.
"Wotcher," the young witch said. "Are you Lily Potter?"
Lily grinned. It felt like an unnecessarily polite question given how noticeable the scar on her face was.
"I am."
"My name's Rufus Scrimgeour, Head Auror," the wild-haired man said. "Could we come in, Mrs. Potter?"
"What's the matter?" Lily asked. "I mean, sorry, of course, you can come in… Boys, we have company!"
She let the trio in and whispered something about keeping their shoes on.
Harry poked his head around the corner, Sirius on his heels.
"Hey," Sirius said, grabbing Harry's arm. "Go eat upstairs, okay?"
"What's wrong?" Harry asked.
"Listen to Sirius, love," Lily said. "It'll just be a minute. Dobby's doing some knitting up there, why don't you bring him breakfast? You two can eat together."
With a flick of Remus' wand, Harry's breakfast and another plate of pancakes followed him up the stairs though he paused and looked over his shoulder curiously. Once they heard his bedroom door shut, Remus spoke up and led them to the living room, settling everyone down and offering tea or coffee.
"No thank you," Scrimgeour said. "Which one of you is the homeowner?"
"All of us," Sirius said. "Why do you ask?"
Scrimgeour ignored him. "Mrs. Potter, it is my duty to report to you, as a concerned party in the convict's case, that Peter Pettigrew has escaped from Azkaban."
Lily went numb.
"What do you mean he escaped," she said. She swore, her mouth had never been dryer. "That's impossible. How can he have escaped from Azkaban people don't… people don't…"
"We told you he was an Animagus when he got convicted," Sirius said. "A bloody small one at that, that can slip through bars!"
"It's not clear yet how Pettigrew managed to escape," Scrimgeour said. "I can assure you that we are looking into it."
"I'd sure hope so," Sirius said. "You've got more than one nutcase in there that needs shutting away—I should fucking know, I'm related to most of them."
"Okay," Remus said, putting his hand on Sirius' arm. "Okay, how Pettigrew escaped is only one question here, what's done is done. Do you have any leads about where he is?"
"None," Scrimgeour said. "Except perhaps this house."
"No," Lily said shaking her head. "He would never..."
"He did once," Sirius pointed out.
"Sirius," Remus said.
"No, he's right," Lily sighed. Her hand reached up to the wedding ring that hung around her neck. "Oh God. We have to get Harry out of here…"
"The Auror Department can protect your home," the pink-haired witch said kindly.
"No offence, I'm sure you're very good at what you do, but I've heard that before," Lily said.
"I'm sorry," the Auror said. "Truly. I can't imagine what this is like for you."
"You're sweet," Sirius said dryly. "Alright, how are you planning on catching this ass who, like I mentioned, can transform into a literal rat?"
"The Auror Department has its ways, but I'm sure that you understand that for now this is all confidential information," Scrimgeour said. "The Daily Prophet has found out, and there will be a press conference this afternoon. It would be incredibly helpful to the Ministry if you would appear at our side, to present a united front…"
"No."
It was Harry, standing in the doorway. Medusa, his snake, was coiled around his wrist.
"Harry, sweetheart, you need to go back upstairs," Lily said. She felt her heart in her throat.
"Peter Pettigrew broke my first family," Harry told Scrimgeour. "You don't get to use my put-together one to look good about losing him."
"Harry," Lily said again, warningly. The pink-haired witch was grinning at this, but she wiped the smile off her face when her superior turned to her.
"My name's Tonks," the witch told Harry. "Can you give me a quick tour of the house's grounds?"
Harry looked suspicious at this new tactic to get rid of him, but eventually nodded and led Tonks outside.
"The kid's got one thing right," Sirius said. "We think you're idiots for losing Pettigrew, and we're not interested in falling into any media nonsense to pretend we don't. Trust me, we just had a family meeting about it while you weren't looking."
"We think that Peter Pettigrew might have broken out of Azkaban to find your son, Mrs. Potter," Scrimgeour said.
Remus quietly took her hand and gave it a squeeze.
"Like we said," the Black wizard stepped in. "We can protect this house. Your son only has, what, two months before he returns to Hogwarts?"
"That's right," Lily said quietly. She nodded. "Do whatever you need to do. And if you see that rat, kill him on sight."
Remus and Sirius both gave Lily looks, but she meant it. She felt the crawling in her skin settle and harden, like armour reassembling. Something cold washed over her.
Peter Pettigrew had ruined her life once. He would not do so again.
They were having a meeting of the Harry Committee.
"How much about Pettigrew have we told Harry?" Lily asked.
"I thought that our marching orders were to say as little as possible," Remus said.
"He knows about the Fidelius curse," Sirius said. "That's it. That's all we've told him."
"There's that as a small mercy, at least," Lily said. "Okay: how do we keep him safe? He'll be at Hogwarts, so there's that, but Hogwarts has… has been dangerous before."
Neither of the men answered.
"Alright," Lily said. "I'll start. No trips to Hogsmeade."
"Lily, that's on the strict side…" Remus said quietly.
"No trips to Hogsmeade," Lily said. "That's outside the wards; somewhere that Pettigrew can access. I'm not having it. I've got half a mind to take the cloak from him to discourage him from any excursions too... Okay, what else?"
"He needs to know," Sirius said. "About Pettigrew. Knowledge is power."
"He knows what he needs to know—that this man betrayed us, that he associated with Voldemort, that he is dangerous, and that he is the reason my son has no father. Next idea?" Lily asked.
"I was offered a position at Hogwarts," Remus said quietly.
Lily and Sirius turned to him, wide-eyed.
"How long have you been sitting on that one?" Sirius said. "Congratulations!"
"Remus, you'll be a brilliant teacher," Lily said. "Is this Defense Against the Dark Arts? That's perfect for you!"
"I told Dumbledore I wouldn't take it," Remus said. "In case you've forgotten, I'm a werewolf."
"Surely Dumbledore's got a plan if he's offering this to you," Lily scoffed. Remus chewed his lip.
"Indeed he does. He says he can get Wolfsbane potion for me," Remus said.
"Brilliant!" Sirius said. "Amazing! How..?"
"I don't question Dumbledore, the man has his ways," Remus said.
"That's perfect then, Remus," Lily said.
"No parent would want their child to be educated by a werewolf," Remus said.
"This one does," Lily scoffed.
"Yes, and she's the President of the School Board, so you should trust her," Sirius said.
"Lily, please," Remus said, shaking his head. But he chewed his lip. "However… if I was to be at Hogwarts, I'd be closer to Harry."
Lily exhaled, and along with her breath an extraordinary amount of pressure flowed out of her. This was the only thing that was close to good enough.
"Amazing," she said quietly. "Thank you."
It was strange to be standing on the platform without Remus. She bumped her hip against Sirius.
"He'll be okay," she told him. "Remus."
"I know he will," Sirius said. "Once he gets that potion again…"
"He told me you'd be this worried," Lily said, looping her arm through his. "Let's go get you some food, Mr. Black. What did you want to do for lunch?"
"Lily?" Sirius said. "We've got company…"
A pair of Aurors—not Shacklebolt and Tonks, unfortunately—stood by the platform's entrance.
"Oh no," Lily sighed.
"I wonder if they've just been standing there all day, hoping for a rat," Sirius mused.
"I mean, is there a better way to look for one?" Lily asked. She chewed her lip.
"Hey," Sirius said, taking Lily's hand. "Do you remember what Remus made us promise?"
"Stay safe," Lily repeated. "Don't go looking for Pettigrew."
"Exactly," Sirius said, squeezing her hand. "Now I don't like it either and I'm still looking for a loophole to exploit, but Remus happened to be very clear and specific while formulating that promise so it might take me some time…"
Lily laughed, and Sirius grinned back to her.
"I'm just saying; it's not your job to worry about how they'll find him," Sirius said.
"It's not yours either," Lily said.
Sirius shook his head. Lily squeezed his hand.
"Sirius, it really isn't," Lily said. "It's not your fault that he did what he did—you had no way of knowing that he'd turn on us, that he would turn against those Muggles if you were to go after him…"
"But he did," Sirius said softly. "And… they're gone, twelve of them are."
The scar on her face felt numb—Lily wasn't sure if it was an honest physical reaction, or if it was her mind playing tricks on her. Ultimately, it didn't matter.
"I'm glad you're here with me," she said.
"I'm glad you're here with me too," Sirius answered. "I'd be happier if we were eating, though."
"Well for Merlin's sake, Sirius, I've been telling you all morning to pick a place!"
She and Remus sat together in the living room. The baby had woken them up, and that was how they'd realized Sirius was missing.
"He joined the hunt for Pettigrew, didn't he?" Lily asked for the umpteenth time.
"If I knew, I would tell you. Honestly," Remus said, his face pained. Sirius hadn't told him either.
Lily buried her face in her hands, wincing as she touched her new scar too roughly.
"If Pettigrew does anything to him…" Lily said, her voice trembling.
Remus didn't have anything to say. He looked deflated himself, so he simply squeezed Lily's hand before going to refill their cups of tea. Sometimes, that was all the comfort that could be given.
They stayed like that until morning, when Harry woke up and gave them someone to look after and something to do. Neither of them had their hearts in the games he was playing, and they both jumped nearly out of their skins when there was a knock at the door. Remus answered in within a split second, and in came Dumbledore.
"Oh God," Lily said. "Oh God, oh God, what's happened?"
"Sirius and Peter found each other in Manchester," Dumbledore said solemnly. "They dueled in the street. Peter tried to cause a distraction to escape and killed twelve Muggles, more are hospitalized still. Sirius didn't stop him and focused on catching him. They are both in Auror custody at the moment."
"Both!" Lily said. "Why..?"
"Lily, the Ministry understands very little of what just happened," Dumbledore said. "They'll want to investigate…"
"By throwing Sirius in Azkaban?" Lily choked. "No, he's—no, that's not fair…"
"Amelia Bones is attempting to interfere on his behalf," Dumbledore said quietly. "I have written to the Wizenmagot vouching for Sirius. We'll get him back to you three as soon as we can. For now, find solace in the fact that Pettigrew was caught."
Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"Twelve Muggles," Lily said. "Twelve Muggles died this morning?"
"I'm afraid so," Dumbledore said quietly.
Lily shook her head. "As if he hadn't done enough dammage. First James, now…"
She burst into tears before she could finish, which only had the effect of setting off Harry. There was a lot of that going around; she had to remember to be strong for him.
"Dada," Harry babbled. It was as if he knew what Lily needed too. "Dada…"
"Come here, love," Lily said, reaching out to pick him up. She sat him on her knee and rubbed at her eyes. Dumbledore knelt in front of Harry, who immediately reached out to grab his beard, to say hello. He asked Lily if he could pick up Harry, and she nodded meekly.
"Rest," he told them. "Both of you. Sirius would thank you for it. I can watch the little one for a few hours."
"I hope my Animagus is a cat when I finally manage to transform," Lily said as they made their way up the steps to the front door, after an evening spent training in the nearby woods. There had also been a fair amount of frolicking and goofing off, to be fair, but their goal had been to get Lily one step closer to her Animagus shape.
"What, you'll just eat Peter Pettigrew?" Sirius asked, amused.
"I was thinking I'd be especially annoying to you if I was, but maybe I'll do that too," Lily said, unlocking the door. She stopped in the entrance. The key bowl had moved. That bowl hadn't moved in eleven years…
"Lumos," she breathed. She scanned the hallway once for movement before turning on the main lights…
The house was a mess. Lily saw a trail of papers coming from the hallway to her left that led to the office, the glass doors to the parlour on the right were wide open and she saw that furniture had been shifted around. The stairs leading upstairs in front of her had coats and sweaters thrown over the railing…
"Homenum revelio!" Sirius cast.
He walked in the house and cast several other spells, pacing across the house quickly—specialized spells he used when he was out breaking curses. To no avail. Someone had been here, but they'd gone.
"Call the Aurors," Lily said quietly. God, she hoped Tonks and Shacklebolt were on duty that night. They knew the case best.
While they waited, she crept upstairs. If she turned left at the landing, she'd climb three steps and reach the guest bedroom which, aside from the occasional visit from Remus' father, was mostly a reading or crafting room. Up three steps to the right, and there were their four bedrooms. Fury washed over her when she noticed Harry's door, open. How dare he…
Lily ran to it. The blankets piled on the foot of her son's bed had been thrown to the ground. A few books had been taken off the wall of bookshelves. The Holyhead Harpies poster on his wall looked untouched, as did the Gryffindor banners that Harry had pinned up on his first Christmas break home. A broken picture frame lay next to Harry's side table, and fury rose in Lily's chest when she realized that the photograph inside—one of Sirius, Remus, and James after Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup in seventh year—had been taken.
"Dobby!" she heard Sirius call downstairs. "Dobby, mate, you around?"
Guilt rose in Lily's chest—how had she forgotten Dobby?
She went down the stairs and looked to Sirius.
"Is Dobby around?"
"No," Sirius said. "His bedroom is empty, too—but his shoes are gone, so I think he was out."
Dobby had profoundly refused to take the guest bedroom upstairs when he'd moved in, saying it was too big for a small house elf. They'd emptied out the cupboard under the stairs in the kitchen, insisting that he have some sort of a space to himself. Over the summer, Lily had progressively snuck in fresh sheets and strings of light and a chair and dresser she'd shrunk to try and make his room nicer for him.
"That's probably lucky," Lily said quietly. "Pettigrew was here, it had to be him. Who else?"
She handed Sirius the broken frame and he shook his head.
"What was he hoping for?" Sirius asked, jaw clenched.
"Maybe he lost track of time and thought Harry would still be here," Lily said, heart beating in her throat. "He's only been gone two days…"
She quivered at the thought. God, what if Harry had been around?
Lily was suspicious the second she saw the wolf Patronus approaching, through the office window. It belonged to Remus, of course, but he was highly, highly selective in when he cast a corporeal Patronus. He didn't like the shape it took.
Her heart beat. Yesterday had been his first Full Moon at Hogwarts. Surely it had gone well. Surely the Wolfsbane potion had…
She cut through the kitchen and stepped outside to meet the wolf. It halted when he saw her and opened its mouth to speak: "Harry had a Quidditch accident—will make a full recovery, broom destroyed. Dementors were at the game."
Dear Remus,
It's odd, living without you for the first time in twelve years. I know you're busy being the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Hogwarts has ever seen, but I hope we'll be able to see each other soon.
I'm sending back an annotated copy of that lesson plan for your sixth years; I left a few comments, but overall it looks outstanding! I'd have loved to have you as a teacher. These kids are going to be so, so prepared. And the classes just look like fun too. I know Harry's been giving you raving reviews, and Neville's bragged about defeating a Boggart to his grandmother too! She's quite pleased. I knew you'd be amazing at this.
Sirius and I are behaving. Staying put. Not going after Pettigrew. It's driving both of us mad, so if we do something rash like set the house on fire you'll know why. I know; not a funny joke since the sanctity of our home's been violated already. That being said, I have to joke or else I'd scream.
I can't sleep. I hope you can.
I'm trying not to let this get to my head, but the truth is Pettigrew's been there for years, dormant. And knowing that he was in our house boils my blood. He ruined my life, Remus. I make no complaints about the life I live now, but the truth is that it was built up by the ashes Pettigrew left. He killed James, for all intents and purposes. If it wasn't for him my son would have a father, I wouldn't have this scar, and I wouldn't have these nightmares either. And it was so quick last time, how everything fell apart. It feels silly to think of it as a carpet being pulled under my feet, but that's what it was and I'm so, so scared to fall again. This time though, it's long. Drawn out. Painful.
I love my life, Remus, and I loved my life before too. I don't want Pettigrew to touch anything. It all feels like a house of cards suddenly, and he'd topple it all.
I'm sorry to pour this out to you. Sirius would get worried, try to fix things. You've always been a good listener. I hate to make you do it now, though. I'll probably toss this letter, anyways. But you're the one who taught me that writing letters was therapeutic so here's to you and here's to hoping you're right.
Love,
Lily
"I'm the one who put the next motion on the table," Lily said, realigning her stacks of parchments. "I think the School Board should discuss the presence of Dementors on Hogwarts' grounds and their implications for our children's wellbeing."
The parents around the table muttered amongst themselves, until one Jeremy Brown spoke up.
"There's a mass-murderer running loose in the country," he said. "I want my Lavender to get as much protection as possible—that's where I stand as a parent. And I would never recommend against a security measure put in by the Auror Department or the Ministry of Magic just because my own child kept fainting…"
Lily felt herself flush.
"Well, I'm very happy to hear that Lavender doesn't have the kind of trauma that may make Dementor attacks so particularly difficult," Lily said curtly. "We can table the motion if nobody else is interested…"
Dear Harry,
I'm sorry to hear that your first weeks back have been so difficult. I'm glad you wrote to me, however. I hope the lemon bars Hedwig brought you will help, somewhat. Sirius was supposed to help me, but he got discouraged when he saw how long the ingredient list was. He's not nearly as good of a cook as Remus.
First off, about the Dementor attacks: I am so, so sorry you have to put up with this, love. I hated sitting by them at Pettigrew's trial. I felt like I'd never be happy again; which I was feeling quite a bit of at the time, but never when I had you close. Unfortunately, keeping your loved ones close is the only advice I can think of giving you now. If it persists, you have to tell us. Remus is closest, of course, but any teacher will do. Bring it to Dumbledore himself, if you must. And go see Madam Pomfrey if you need to; she'll understand. If you have to walk along the grounds, bring Ron or Hermione or Neville with you. Give them my best, too.
As for Hagrid's Hippogriff, that whole incident does indeed sound like it was Draco's fault. Remember that everybody is allowed to make mistakes, so try not to resent the boy himself. This hearing does sound ridiculous, but not beneath Lucius Malfoy. Keep me updated and send my love to Hagrid. Let him know that if he needs help with his case, I'll be happy to do some research for him.
I'm sorry that third year is so rocky, love. Keep your chin up: I'm sure it'll get better. Good luck on your next Quidditch game as well—go Gryffindor! I know it's your first game without the Nimbus 2000, but don't let the superstition get to your head. You can do this, you're a talented player, and your father's son to boot.
On our end, everything at home is nice and quiet. Don't you worry. The squash out back is looking right on track for harvest, and I've finally convinced Sirius to let me show him how to pickle things as well. I might trick him into making crab apple jelly with me, too. He's quite restless without Remus around. All this to say; expect some extra goodies with Hedwig in a few weeks! I'll make sure to send some to Mrs. Longbottom too.
All my love,
Mum
Lily could barely focus on the article she was submitting to Charms Quarterly, despite her deadline's rapid approach. She sat before her typewriter, a gift from Remus that she suspected Sirius was still somewhat afraid of, blank.
She couldn't focus on anything, she'd picked up and put down at least four different projects since she'd sat down. The only thing that came to mind was the topic of tracking charms, the construction of traps, protective enchantments to fortify a home… She wondered if it was possible to cast a Fidelius charm successfully if somebody had already broken one of yours in the past. She wondered if it was possible to enchant a weapon and send it out into the world. She wondered if the Muggle government could be convinced that a new infectious disease was being carried around by rats and prompted to lead an extensive extermination campaign. That was how outlandish her thoughts were getting on the subject of Pettigrew.
She looked around the office, but Remus' side of the room was empty. His desk didn't even have a stray mug on it, and there was no cardigan left on the chair.
She looked up to the ceiling, since they were under Sirius' bedroom. He'd been out on a job until 6:00 a.m. that morning. She'd just crossed him on her way downstairs to brew her first cup of coffee, and should really let him rest now.
She looked up at the photo hanging above her desk. Well, one of them anyways. The particular one that drew her eye was of James alone; sitting on a park bench in Godric's Hollow, hands tucked in his pockets against the autumn chill. It had been taken when they'd just moved to the village, months before the slightest hint of Harry was on the horizon. His hair was a hot mess, his glasses pushed too far up his nose, and his head was cocked like a puppy that had heard a new sound for the first time. He smiled at her, though. It was a Muggle photo; the moving portraits spooked Lily, and felt unfair. She liked that picture, because realistically it had been a stupid picture to take. It helped Lily from feeling as if she'd wasted the time she'd had with him, helped her avoid thinking she had been an absolute idiot for ever trusting Pettigrew. James was gone now but he'd been with her once. More than that, he'd been her partner in crime. She could regret many things, but there was solace in that, and there was solace in this picture, and there was solace in knowing that James would want her to stay put. Stay far away from Pettigrew now. Let him be somebody else's problem to solve.
She turned back to the typewriter.
When Remus walked into The Three Broomsticks, her heart swelled. When he saw her, he smiled, and wrapped his arms around her. She stood on her tiptoes to hug him.
"I've missed you so much," Lily said.
"More than I expected," Remus echoed. He kissed her hair at the same spot where he'd always kissed her hair, and Lily smiled.
"Look at you," Lily said, smiling at him. "You look so good… so well…"
Remus smiled. It had been a long, long time since Lily had seen him with so few new injuries, looking so well-rested, with colour to him, and meat on his bones… He just looked happy too.
"I missed that potion," he said, dropping his voice down to a whisper. "Alright; I'm supposed to be patrolling the village in case students get up to any trouble, but I see the Hufflepuff Quidditch team over there, so I suppose we have time for a drink and I'd technically be supervising students…"
They made their way to the corner, where they'd sat as students when they'd wanted to do homework while James and Sirius and Peter and whoever else were being too loud in their little group's usual booth.
Remus gushed about his work for a few minutes, but inevitably they circled back to Harry.
"He's doing okay," Remus said. "He comes to my office for tea every weekend. If he brings Neville or Ron or Hermione with him, he makes sure to come back alone later. The Dementors are affecting him, Lily. Badly."
"It's ridiculous," Lily clucked her tongue. "I knew it was worse than he was telling me…"
"He says that he can't wait for the Aurors to catch Pettigrew so that they can leave," Remus said. "He… he hears James when they're around, Lily."
Her blood chilled. She thought of bringing the butterbeer to her lips to warm herself up, but the thought of its sweetness irked her.
"And what does James say?" Lily asked, trying to sound casual. It sounded ridiculous, even to her.
Remus took a deep breath.
"He says, "Lily, take Harry and go. It's him! I'll hold him off."" Remus said, stone faced.
Lily took a deep breath.
"Those were his last words," she said. "My God, how does he...? How does he know?"
"Lily, I don't think Harry knows this," Remus said. "Dementors affect people in very, very strange ways."
Lily nodded.
"Does he know you're telling me this?" Lily asked.
"He asked me if those were his father's last words," Remus said. "I told him I would have to ask, if he wanted to know."
"Okay," Lily said. She nodded. "Okay, well, you can tell him."
"I will," Remus asked. "He also wishes he could come to Hogsmeade."
"Tell him that he can go to Hogsmeade once Pettigrew is captures or when Nifflers fly, whichever comes first."
Remus laughed.
"I will. Other than that, I'll keep his secrets. For example, which of the other House's Seekers he pays very, very close attention to…"
"You can't tease me with information like that!" Lily laughed. "Remus, you've got to tell me now…"
"I will do no such thing," Remus said.
"Mistress Potter?" she heard in a small voice. She turned around and there was Dobby, holding a tea tray that seemed far too big for him.
"Just Lily, Dobby," she said getting up. "Let me help you with that…"
"No, no," Dobby said. "It is Dobby's pleasure to give Mrs. Potter tea when she's had such a long night…"
Lily smiled to herself and Dobby snapped his fingers. The tray levitated up and landed perfectly on her desk. She watched it with an eagle eye; the movements were nice and even and smooth, as was the speed with which the tray made its way to her. Lily was impressed by the precision of the spell and wondered, not for the first time either, just how powerful the house elf was.
"Thank you Dobby," she said. "Come have a sit."
She saw the little elf swell up with pride at being asked to sit with a wizard. She smiled and, with a wave of her wand, brought Remus' chair closer so that he could have a sit as she poured hot water into her tea cup. Dobby had brought her the herbal tea that she was favouring at the moment.
"My favourite," she smiled at him.
"Raspberry leaves helped Dobby's former mistress when she could not sleep," Dobby said.
"I'm not your mistress, Dobby," Lily said. The elf's outfit, if anything, proved it. He had absolutely raided Harry's old clothes, and was now wearing a blue t-shirt with a dinosaur on it, a pair of jeans held up by a rainbow belt Lily had lent him, and mismatched socks.
"No," Dobby agreed. "But Mrs. Potter is Dobby's friend, and Dobby is saddened to see her sleepless and worried."
Lily smiled stiffly.
"Thank you Dobby, but I'll be okay," she promised, holding her hand out. He wrapped his hand around four of her fingers, and squeezed.
"If there is anything Dobby can ever do to help…" he said.
"It's not your responsibility to help," Lily promised. "You're here as a guest, Dobby, for as long as you'd like. We're happy to have you in our family."
"Hi," Lily said when she walked into Frank and Alice's room. Alice took her time to try and decipher Lily, and eventually she smiled. Lily held out her hand to Frank, who shook it—though he wasn't nearly as strong as he had once been.
"I brought lemon bars," Lily said, setting the tin down. Neither of them approached it, but the Healer patted Lily's hand.
"That's very thoughtful, dear," she said. "They're having a very calm day. Perhaps it would be better to sit and listen to some music?"
"That sounds lovely," Lily said. She sat in the guest chair, and let the jazz fill her up. No matter how much of the notes poured in, however, anger still found room for anger to bubble inside of her.
Pettigrew had ruined more than her life that day, after all. She could never forget that.
Lily shot up. She'd worn shorts and a tank top to bed, but still felt drenched with sweat.
She took the five minutes she needed to calm her racing heart before getting up and padding across the hallway to knock on Sirius' door. When he grunted from within, she opened the door. He propped himself up on his elbows and squinted at her.
"I—I'm having nightmares about the trial again," she said quietly. She felt silly, like a little girl who was scared of the dark.
"Well, come on then," Sirius said, groggily, shifting ever-so-slightly.
She crawled into bed with him and curled against his chest. At least now she felt stable.
"What if he really is after Harry?" Lily asked.
"I don't know," Sirius said. "But Harry's at Hogwarts."
"He's been hurt at Hogwarts before."
"Well, Remus is there now," Sirius said.
A beat.
"I don't see Peter tracking down Harry," Lily said. "He has to know that we're watching him. Peter's a coward. He's ignoble. There's nothing in him that would push him to finish what he started, that would make him want this enough…"
"He wants something," Sirius said. "But you're right. I don't buy the Prophet's fearmongering about Wormtail finishing what he started with Harry."
Lily sighed and Sirius pushed her hair up. He must have noticed the cold sweat she was drenched with.
"Lily, we can get you another sleeping potion if you need…"
"I'm fine," Lily said. "I'm better already, I promise."
"Okay," Sirius said. "Wake me up if you need anything."
"Okay. You're the best."
"I know. Owe, don't kick!"
Lily laughed.
"Don't panic," Tonks said when Lily answered the door.
"That was the one thing you could have said that would've made me panic," Lily breathed.
"To be fair, you panic every time you see me," the Auror winked.
"What happened?"
"There's been a break-in at Hogwarts. The castle's being searched from top to bottom, and we have no way to prove that it was Pettigrew's, but I thought you should know."
"Jesus fucking Christ," Sirius said, having wandered into the hallway when he'd heard Tonks' voice.
"Where's—"
"Harry's in the castle, like the other students, sleeping in the Great Hall," Tonks said. "I had to leave because I've worked over 48 bloody hours which definitely busted our cap, but last I saw Remus had signed up to keep watch on the Hall all night."
Lily buried her face in her hands.
"How?" Lily said. "How in the world did he manage...? This is ridiculous, I'm writing to Dumbledore Sirius, I have to pull Harry out…"
"Whoa," Sirius said. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You will do no such thing. Could you imagine how badly that would scare Harry? Besides; it's not like this house is safe either…"
Lily sighed, shaking her head.
"I'll tell you everything that I can, if you want," Tonks said.
"You said you're off of work," Sirius said. "Why are you here?"
"I thought you should know," Tonks said simply. "My parents were under constant threat during the Wizarding War. For a Pureblood to run away with a Muggleborn... I was young, but I remember what my parents went through—the hiding, the worry, the constant fear... I… I think it's utterly unfair that you lot of all people have to worry about all of this again, and thought you deserved to be up to date if anything. Prophet's going to be all over it by morning. That's all."
"I appreciate that," Lily said softly. "Come in, let's… we should make tea."
The Pettigrew sightings spread like wildfire throughout the country. Lily tuned them out: she didn't care enough to keep track anymore, and it was just too exhausting. The next one that she did entertain was in mid-November, when The Prophet reported a break-in in the Ministry of Magic.
Hestia Jones and Tonks, the two Aurors who were assigned to conduct a check-in and a sweep of The Woodlands, confirmed it.
"Just like The Prophet said, ma'am," Jones nodded.
"I've been in The Prophet often enough not to trust it," Lily smiled. "The fact that Fudge hasn't commented on it himself also got me suspicious…"
"Well, it's incredibly embarrassing," Jones said. "Even the debrief they gave the Aurors was short and sweet, didn't even tell us what department had been broken into."
"Surely, you've got your suspicions," Lily said. "They must have increased security somewhere, at least..?"
"Of course, we have our thoughts," Tonks said. "But we can't tell you that. Sorry, Lily."
"I understand," Lily said. "Here, we have some Christmas baking for you to bring back to the Department…"
Just because she didn't like the Aurors didn't mean she couldn't sympathize. It must be hard, working over Christmas.
"You're so sweet, Mrs. Potter," Jones said. "Are you trying to guilt us into telling you all our secrets?"
"I wouldn't oppose to that," Lily smiled.
"By the way, do you know if Remus is staying at Hogwarts this Christmas or coming home?" Tonks asked.
Lily noticed how Jones rolled her eyes but smiled at her friend.
"He's staying at the castle, actually," Lily said. What she wasn't going to tell them was that he would be doing that to weather through a transformation with the help of Wolfsbane. Harry was staying in the castle with him, which Lily thought was quite kind of him. "Why do you ask?"
"Yeah, Tonks, why do you ask?" Jones said teasingly. Tonks elbowed her, shooting her a look.
"No reason," Tonks asked. "Just curious."
"Curious about whether or not she should pick up some overtime shifts is more like it," Jones grumbled. She ducked Tonks' swatting hand this time. "Anyways, thanks for the scones Mrs. Potter, we'll get out of your legs now!"
Lily watched the two Aurors Apparate away and made a mental note to ask Remus about their Auror friend in her next letter.
For now, she circled back into the parlour. Sirius sat, obsessing over The Prophet. They were both growing increasingly guilty of that.
"It's real, at least," Lily said.
"I heard."
Sirius leaned back in the couch and scratched at his beard.
"I've been thinking about it, long and hard Lily, and… It's him, Lily," Sirius said. "It's got to be Pettigrew."
"What makes you say that?"
"Once a year, the Ministry brings in the top ten curse breakers in the country to try and break into the Department of Mysteries," Sirius said. "They pay us all for coming out, but there's a hefty, hefty reward for managing to get past the department's defenses. I've been there seven times, and never have I seen anyone get in."
"So why would Pettigrew?" Lily asked.
"There's one way to get in that I never got to try, for obvious reasons," Sirius said. "It's got to do with the Unspeakables. Their magical footprints are synched to the department's security charms, but it's more extensive than that. They can make their way nearly anywhere within the Ministry without setting off any of the security spells or alarms. They have just as much clearance at the Aurors. Pettigrew would have had access while he worked there."
"Surely, they would have revoked his authorization after the trial," Lily said.
"Why would they? He was sent to Azkaban," Sirius said. "People don't leave Azkaban, Lily. You don't have to change the locks if someone can't get to your door."
Lily felt dizzy for a moment.
"You have to… you have to send an owl to—to whoever can…"
"I will," Sirius said. "But I don't think it'll get looked into. You heard Tonks: the Ministry is embarrassed. The most wanted man in Britain just waltzed into their most secret bureau. If we've learned anything with the Ministry, when it comes to Death Eaters in particular, it's that they don't take kindly to criticism and pointers."
The shadow passed through Sirius' eyes, as it always did when Azkaban came up.
"Why did he do that?" Lily asked. "Why would he risk going right into the Ministry?"
"Maybe he left something there," Sirius said. "Maybe there was something there he could take. Look, Lily, for all we know he doesn't have a wand and needed to take his back. Heaven knows we didn't keep any of his things."
Lily chewed on the knuckle of her pinky finger. It was an old habit, from when she'd been a little girl. James had gently moved her away from it; he used to kiss her hand whenever she did it. The habit had taken its roots again, now.
"You know what this means, Sirius," Lily said.
"What?"
"We have to go after him," Lily said. "Promises to Remus, be damned. We've sat nicely and tried to let the Ministry solve it, and six months later they've made little to no progress. Meanwhile, we're being babysat by Aurors who, delightful as Tonks and Jones are, aren't helping. He's gotten much too close to Harry, he's brought Dementors to Hogwarts, and Harry hears… It's like being haunted. And I will not be haunted by Peter Pettigrew."