Blank Space

(Saturday Afternoon, June 6th)

"Hey. Audrey," Chad calls out, and when she turns, he catches up with her. "Hey."

She cautiously eyes him, "Hey."

"So, I need you to choreograph something for me."

She hesitates, "And what would that be?"

"Oh, nothing," Chad brushes it off. "Just the song you, me, and Ben will be doing later."

"I'm doing what with you and Ben?" her mouth gapes.

"Singing," he grins. "And dancing, after you figure that part out."

"And what are we singing?" she entertains. He takes a piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to her, before she gives him a look, "Taylor Swift? Really?"

"What?" He excuses, "I like her stuff."

"You want me— a soprano— and you and Ben as tenors to sing an alto song?"

He takes a moment, "I think most of her stuff is tenor, actually."

She shoves the paper into his chest, "And what about me. I'll never be able to do that."

"Just sing an octave higher," he solves.

She huffs, "Like that fixes anything."

When she turns around and starts to walk off, he pleads, "Audrey. Just Wait."

She turns around and crosses her arms, "Why should I?"

"Because," he emphasizes. "I'm trying to get you back. Okay? I thought this could bring us closer together."

Audrey frowns, "Have you quit yet?" and when Chad fails to answer, she turns back around. "Then there's nothing to talk about."

He moves in front of her, "Audrey. You have to do this."

"Why?" she asserts.

Chad frowns as he shakes his head, "You and Ben are everything to me. You're the most important people in my life, but things have been so rocky with you two… I don't know where I stand anymore." He meets her dark brown eyes, "I need you in my life."

Audrey frowns, "You're defining yourself by the people in your life. You can't do that."

"I can't help it," Chad frustrates. "I'm one of those people who spends all their time around people. There's nothing more in my life."

"I'm an extrovert too," Audrey reminds him. "And I used to define myself by whoever I was dating, but now I'm single. And I plan on it staying that way for a while."

"Then be single," Chad's eyes widen. "But Audrey." He places his hands on her arms, "I really need you. Please."

Audrey shakes her head and shuts her eyes, "What's the song, again?"

Chad grins, "Blank Space. It's going to be so much fun. I get to go on about all my mistakes and how much people hate me, and then you and Ben get to tell each other how you warned each other."

She strains a smile, "And what does Ben think?"

"No," Ben lifts a hand. "I'm not doing this."

"Come on," Chad smiles. "Audrey already agreed. All we need is you."

"I already had to learn a piano piece in a week," he exasperates, "and now you want me to practice a song five hours before it?"

"I told you he wouldn't do it." Audrey slowly says, "So, now I—"

"You're still doing it," Chad interrupts, before he steps towards Ben and places his hands on his shoulders. "Come on. I know you want to do it."

He looks away from him, "I don't know." Chad eyes Ben over and ruffles his hair, before Ben swats his arms away. "Hey!" Chad chuckles, and he attempts to fix it, "What was that for?"

"You're so uptight," he grins. "What? You need someone to help you get that stick out of your ass?"

"Te foutre," Ben's eyebrows furrow, and when Chad laughs, he shakes his head. "Are you high right now?"

"Yes." Chad wraps an arm around Ben's shoulder, as they turn to Audrey, "And you guys get to tell everyone about it when you sing this song with me."

Ben shares a look with Audrey, "Okay."

She sighs, "So, who's singing what again?" and Chad offers the paper to her.

"Right," she shakes her head. "So, when Chad opens up the song, maybe we walk up to him and he puts his arms over our shoulders." She drops the paper to her side and gives Chad a look, "You realize this is a love song, right? Are you sure you want Ben in this?"

Chad frowns, "Ben might be my friend, but I'm trying to get him back too." before he glances from the paper in her hands to her. "It's a metaphor."

When Audrey gives the same look to Ben, he looks off, notices Chad's hand is still on his shoulder, and swipes it off, "Yeah. It's called a metaphor."

"You don't even know what a metaphor is right now," Audrey tests.

Chad mutters something in Ben's ear, and Ben smiles, "Of course, I do. It's an English term for, uh, comparing things."

She crosses her arms, "That's so not your definition."

"Defa what?"

"God," she exasperates.

Ben's eyes widen, "Oh. I remember, now." She expresses a sad look, and he awkwardly smiles, "What?"

"Are you okay?" she quietly questions.

His smile widens, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"When was the last time you saw your doctor?" Chad inspects. Ben lifts a shoulder. "Not since you got that sling off, huh."

Ben's mouth gapes, "I just can't deal with them right now, okay?"

"You're king," Audrey hisses. "If something's wrong—"

"Nothing's wrong," Ben growls, before he covers it with a cough and reaches for his throat. "I just…" His voice. It keeps doing this. He needs to stay calm. Maybe if he can stay calm, he can gain better control of it.

"Ben?" Audrey cautiously comments.

He lifts a hand, "I'm fine. Okay? Can we just do this? We only have four hours."

There's a long moment, before Audrey looks back at the sheet, "Okay. Uh, when my lines come up, I can tug at his tie." She moves to Chad's right, "Come on, people!" as she puts his arm over her shoulders, temporarily places the paper into her left hand, and demonstrates the tie tug. "As so." She looks at the paper again, "Ben. When your line comes up, put your hand over the back of his shoulder so that when he sings again, he can slide his hand to your right shoulder and you two can move apart at that arm's length."

"What?" Ben's brows furrow.

Audrey rolls her eyes, "Like this." before she gets out of position to guide his movements.

"Oh," he frowns. "Okay."

"So," she continues. "When Chad says the 'friends' line, he can put his other hand on your shoulder. Audrey hums, "How about you do one of those handshakes guys do after that?"

"That guys do?" Ben questions.

"Like this." Chad places his thumb in between Ben's thumb and forefinger, before he squeezes, moves it down once, and then lifts into an explosion."

"Ooh," Audrey grins. "That's perfect, but make sure to line it up with when you sing how it ends."

"That's so weird," Ben complains. "We never do that."

"You don't," Chad points out, "but I do."

"And this is a pretty loose interpretation of the song anyway," Audrey informs, as she scans the lyrics. "It's not like Chad would ever call himself your queen in real life, either."

Ben partly smiles at him, "You say that line to me?"

"You are the real king here," he excuses.

When Ben doesn't speak, Audrey continues, "And then I take Chad away from you." She demonstrates. "Chad does his lines, you ask him if the high was worth the pain, and then when that all ends, I tell him I could show him incredible things."

"You missed the steps for that whole thing," Chad reminds her.

She waves it off, "It's the chorus. We'll do that later."

"But the lines switch for you two," he frowns.

"I see that." She moves on, "I think at my lines here, I'll wrap my arms around you, you tell me pretty lies, push me away, and then turn to Ben to tell him he's your king." She stares at the paper, "I give you two a look when I say I'll pretend to be your perfect girl for a month." She half laughs, "Not that far from the truth." before she thinks. "Good job giving Ben the line about the rose garden of thorns."

"I thought it was pretty good," Chad compliments himself.

"Yeah," she skips to the next part. "I say 'oh my God', Ben points at me, asking who I am, I tell him he's going to keep going back to you, and you tell him it's because you're a nightmare daydream."

"What?" Ben's eyebrows furrow.

"Ugh," Audrey breathes. "How are we going to do this when Ben still doesn't even know English?"

"He doesn't need to know the words," Chad's expression falters. "He just needs to sing them… and dance."

"He doesn't dance in public," Audrey places hand to her waist.

"He did it for Mal."

"For Mal," she stresses. "His girlfriend. Why would he do it for you?"

"Because," Chad immediately emphasizes, before he halts and his mouth hangs open.

After a long moment, Audrey shakes her head, "You really need to go to church."

"I know," Chad's eyes lower, before he faces her. "I was actually going to ask you if I could start going with you again. And do the charity things and stuff."

"Why does he need to go to church?" Ben mumbles.

Audrey shuts her eyes and places a hand to her head, "Maybe this isn't a good idea."

"No," Chad exclaims, and Audrey meets his bluish grey eyes. "I'm trying to get you two back. We can't just break apart like this."

"Face it, Chad," she counters. "You're just forcing something here."

"I love you." His eyes shift from her to Ben and then the floor, before he faces her again, "You're the only girl I actually cared about."

"You cared more about your hair than me," she doubts.

"Do you know how hard relationships are for me?" He frowns, "I was able to pay attention to you for longer than a week— longer than a month. You're the one, Audrey. You have to believe me. You're the only girl I'll ever be able to have a life with."

"God," Audrey stresses. "You listen to this music too much."

"But it's true," he insists.

"I'm sure you will find someone."

"No," he nearly yells. "You're the one I made it work with. You're the only one."

"You shouldn't have to make it work," she shouts.

"Audrey. Please."

"I told you," she asserts. "I'm trying to figure out who I am without a boyfriend."

"So, we can't be friends?" he disbelieves.

Audrey stares at him, "I'm helping you with this song, aren't I?" before she notices him tear up. "But if you really want to be friends, I need you to come to church with me."

"Thank you," he sniffles.

"Yeah. Whatever," Audrey moves on.

"You don't make me go to church," Ben points out.

"God hasn't shown himself to you, yet," she informs. "Chad's already felt God's presence. It's up to him to return to Him."

"I used to pray," Ben counters.

"Yeah," Audrey accepts, "but you weren't a true Christian then."

His eyes shift, "Maybe we should do the, uh, crogophy."

"Choreography," she sternly states.

"Yeah. That."

Audrey sighs, "Then let's get down to it."

"Okay." Audrey announces, "Let's take it from the top."

"Take what from where?" Ben tiredly states.

She takes a deep breath, "Let's start from the beginning."

They get into position, and Chad and Audrey speak their lines as they go through the moves; however, Ben merely mumbles his. There's the tart scent, and it's dizzying. At some point he notices Chad put his arm around Audrey's waist, Audrey place her hand on Chad's shoulder, and Chad tell her that he's insane. Ben remembers his line, and Audrey gives him a look as she counters it; however, his mind goes blank in the next verse.

Audrey stops, "Ben. Your line."

When he fails to speak, Chad comments, "If you're not into this—"

"No," Ben softly says. "What's my, uh, line?"

"We're young and reckless," Audrey reminds him.

"Right," Ben recalls, before he says the line as he places a hand on Chad's shoulder, Audrey says her line to him, and he retorts with hers. Chad smiles at Ben as he says his line, but Ben falters at his. Chad frowns, and he blinks, "But I got a… a…"

"Ben?" Chad concerns, before he feels Ben's weight press down on him, as he keeps himself from falling. "Ben? Are you okay?"

He shakes his head, "Yeah. Just…"

"Is it a fever?" Chad asks.

Ben's eyes widen. This is his way out. "Yes," he nods. "That's it. It's a fever."

Chad eyes him suspiciously, "No, it's not."

Audrey watches him carefully, "When was the last time you ate?"

Ben shakes his head, "Why?"

"Because," Audrey asserts. "You looked like you were going to faint."

Ben laughs it off, "That almost never happens."

"Almost never," Chad notices.

"Just tell me," She narrows her eyes. "When was the last time you ate?"

Ben takes a minute to find a seat at the end of the bed, before he glances from Chad to Audrey, "You mean, last time or last time meaningful."

"Meaningful."

He awkwardly smiles as he remembers, "Three days?"

"You didn't eat for three days?" Chad's eyebrows furrow.

"I eat today," Ben defends, before he mutters, "You know…" He folds his hands tight, "It just didn't do a lot."

"Is that why your English is so bad right now?" Audrey accuses.

Ben gives her a look, "How would I know?"

"It's your body," she stresses.

"Right." Ben wets his lips before meeting her dark brown eyes, "I'm fine."

"You're not fine!"

"You just said I would know," Ben points out.

"No one who's fine says they're fine," Audrey shouts. "They say they're okay."

"Okay, then." Ben takes a moment, "I'm okay."

Her eyes widen as she puts a hand up in the air and slowly states, "I'm getting a latte." before she points at him. "You want your green tea lemonade?" Ben eyes down as he shakes his head, and she sighs, "Of course, you don't." before heading for the door.

After she leaves, Chad walks over to sit next to Ben, "So." He turns to him, "Now, that we're speaking French and all, is there anything else you can tell me about all this?"

"About what?" Ben frowns.

"Starving yourself," he elaborates. "Is that a thing now?"

"It's always been a thing," Ben mutters. "I just didn't realize I was doing it until now." Chad nods, and he continues, "I really am fine, though… This thing that's been missing from my diet, I've never really had it before, and it's only been three days. I'm okay."

"The third day of starvation is the hardest," Chad informs. "It's around then that your body switches it's fuel source from sugar to fats."

"But I mostly just eat meat in the first place," Ben counters.

"Yeah," Chad accepts. "But if this thing you had three days ago was a sugar, then your body would have been using that sugar, and that's why you're crashing now."

Ben looks off in annoyance. If anyone is going to have high blood sugar, it's going to be Carlos. "So, what do I do?"

"Well," Chad thinks, "you can either go back to your high fat diet—" He looks over him, "I'm guessing you do intermediate fasting, because I know you eat pasta too but it looks like you don't have a lot of stored fat either."

"Intermediate fasting?" Ben questions.

"It's when you only eat once or twice a day," Chad explains. "You know, get all your calories in within about eight hours. Because you'd get a lot of fat with your meat, you're already training your body to use fats. But then again, because you eat pasta, you would still need enough time to get through those simple sugars." He smiles, "You probably crash a lot."

"My other option?" Ben inquires.

"Right," Chad continues. "You could start taking in more complex sugars. That would be like fruit or whole grains. The body can feed off of those things longer."

He'd been full for over a day, though. Does that make blood a complex carb, and he just crashed so suddenly because Carlos just had too much sugar in his? Ben places a hand to his head, "I'm confused."

"One of those food doctors would probably be able to help you more," Chad suggests. "Everyone's different. How acidic your body is and all that stuff changes what you're supposed to eat and how much of it."

"A food doctor?" Ben asks. "You mean, a nutritionist?"

Chad takes a moment, "I don't know the name in French."

"Right," he remarks.

"So," Chad comments, "what are you going to do?"

Ben takes a deep breath, and the taste of the scent overpowers him, "I think we should stop talking."

When he stands from the bed and faces him, Chad unsurely asks, "What are you doing?" before Ben moves his knees onto it and sits in his lap.

He places his hands onto his shoulders, "We're alone, now."

"Ben," Chad frowns.

"You were all for this last night," he reminds him.

"Yeah." Chad falters, "But you weren't."

"Well," Ben eyes over him. "I am, now."

When he leans in, Chad feels the grinding and shuts his eyes, "You, horny bastard. Why can't you just go to a worker?"

"It's too public."

He feels him suck on his neck, "Paradise is discrete. I wouldn't go if it wasn't."

"Well." Ben whispers, "I'm pretty sure they also have a strict policy on what kinds of liquids can be exchanged." before he playfully nips his neck. "Do you have it?"

The knife? Yeah, he has it. He lightly pushes Ben back and faces him, "I can't do this."

"Do what?" Ben frowns.

"This," Chad says louder. "I need my relationships to be consistent. You can't just tell me we're never doing this again one night, only to try to jump my bones the next."

He awkwardly smiles, "I thought we were just a couple friends having a little fun."

"And if all last time was, was a one-night stand, then you're doing it wrong," Chad points out, and Ben looks away. "You're either the kind of person who can mess around with a friend or you're not. You can't have it both ways."

Ben faces him, "What if I didn't want to then but I do now?"

"I'm bad with rejection," Chad sternly counters. "Really bad. I need to know what the boundaries are with you, and it doesn't matter if you're into this or not. I just need you to be honest with me." He takes a breath and continues more softly, "Because, I don't have it in me to connect with someone so intensely and then be cut off. You're either with me or you're not."

Ben wets his lips, "All I know is, I want you now."

"That's not good enough," Chad declines. "A one-night stand I can deal with. What I can't deal with is not knowing if you will be there for me in this way." He thinks, "I can't be there for you when you want me, if you don't want to be there for me when I need you."

"Chad," Ben shakes his head.

"It's a simple question," Chad insists. "Are we friends or are we friends who mess around and can connect on a deeper level?"

Ben takes a minute, "We can be friends who mess around. I just need you now."

"You don't want me," he frowns.

"What?" Ben disbelieves. "Of course, I want you."

"You want my blood," Chad nearly shouts, and Ben silences. "And look, I get it. Your girlfriend isn't taking care of you. But that doesn't mean you can just use me like this. If we're doing this, I need to know I mean more to you than just my blood."

"You do," Ben meets his eyes.

"Then prove it." Chad nods once, "Have your way with me one time without the blood, a hand job or blow me, and then next time I'll do what you want."

He huffs, "Chad. Don't be ridiculous."

His frown deepens, "I'm trying to put my life back together. I'm going to get Audrey back, I'm going to earn God's forgiveness, and you and I are going to just be friends."

"What?" Ben exasperates. "Just because I won't give you a blow job?"

"No." Chad calmly explains, "Because, I like being friends with you, and I don't want you to see me as some whore to help you with your little fetish and not as an actual friend."

"Chad," Ben begins.

"You're not changing my mind on this," he interrupts. "My life is a mess. It's not even a life anymore. I need to make it one, but that's not going to happen if you keep using me."

"I'm not trying to use you," Ben whispers, before he runs a thumb over his neck. "I just really want you right now."

"You should try Carlos," Chad offers. "He doesn't mind getting used by a guy."

Ben eyes down, "I think he thinks I've already used him too much."

"Did you pay him?" he lifts an eyebrow.

His eyes shift, "No."

"So, what?" Chad inquires. "You just forced him to have sex with you?"

"Well, I mean," he breathes. "It wasn't really like that. It's just… the blood, Mal didn't think Carlos would mind."

"So, the dragon handed one of her slaves over to her boyfriend."

Ben uncomfortably laughs, "Carlos isn't a slave."

"You're sure about that?" his eyes widen. "Because, last I checked, Carlos belonged to Mal's brother or whoever he is before they 'broke up'."

"You really think Carlos is a slave?" Ben gives a look.

"All I know is Jay was controlling as hell. It didn't matter how many people he was with, but the second I paid Carlos to do things for me, he was furious."

"Wait," he holds up a hand, and Chad grunts as Ben moves position. "You've done things with guys before… before me?"

"Can you get off me?" Chad makes a face, "Any longer like this and I'll lose it."

Ben stands up, "How many guys have you been with?"

"Just you and Carlos." He faces him, "But it's not just against the law. It's against God's law, so I'm going to have to stop."

Ben shakes his head, "Then why do it in the first place?"

"Because he was there." Chad eyes him over once, "Sex is sex. I'm not picky about who I have it with."

"You were just at that sex club last night," Ben points out. "Isn't that against God's law too somehow?"

Chad takes a moment, "I didn't go."

Ben gives a look, "What do you mean, you didn't go?"

He stares into his hazel green eyes, "I took my script, until I was so high that I passed out." Ben frowns, and Chad shakes his head, "I didn't go anywhere, Ben. I came here for you— for your birthday— not to hook up with some girl."

"So, you took the pills," he slowly begins.

"Because you weren't there," Chad finishes. "I was a mess, and I needed someone. And you weren't there. You're my best friend, and you couldn't be there for me."

Ben opens his mouth, "Chad."

"I mean, how hard could it have been," he tears up, "just to spend some time with me so that I could forget how fucked up my life is?"

"If you want to talk about it—"

"I don't want to talk about it." He stands up, "I wanted you. Okay? I wanted to know that there was something in my life that I could still count on."

"You can still count on me," Ben promises, before Chad shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you needed me. You seemed fine."

"Everyone thinks I'm fine," Chad counters. "I'm a star player, rich and good-looking, and good with girls." He clenches his hands onto Ben's shirt, "But you know me, the real me. You should have been able to see past all that."

"You're right," Ben acknowledges. "I should have."

"It's already been a month of summer, and I didn't do anything," Chad cries, before he wipes his face with his sleeve. "Nothing. It's just going so fast, and pretty soon…"

"Pretty soon, what?" Ben questions.

"Nothing," Chad sniffles.

"No," Ben counters. "I want to know."

Chad shakes his head, "I just wish I could forget. I wish…"

He takes a moment, "It's going to be okay."

Chad's quiet for a moment, "You're the only thing left in my life that means anything."

"What about Audrey?" Ben reminds him.

He halfheartedly laughs, "Like some song and dance is going to get me get her back."

"What about God?"

His eyes shift, "You don't even believe in God."

"You do."

Chad shakes his head, "God can see my heart for what it is. He knows I'm not pure."

Ben thinks, "If you believe original sin, then no one's really pure."

"I guess," he whispers.

"So," Ben solves, "you're going to go to church with Audrey, you're going to be embraced by God, and Audrey is going to realize you two aren't over yet."

Chad sniffles, "And you?"

Ben wets his lips, "Well… I'm your friend, and hopefully next time you need me, I won't be so focused on my own problems that I can't see it."

He hugs him, "You're the best."

Ben places a hand over his curls and lightly pulls them, "It's going to be okay." before he breathes in his scent. He's so close. He could have him right now, but he can't. Chad's such a mess, and if he uses him like that, then there's no telling what he'd do. No. He needs to get Mal. If there's something Chad needs to forget, then Mal can help him with that.

"Ben," Chad hopes when the door opens.

"No," Mal frowns, before she walks into the room and Chad looks away. "Ben said you might need some help forgetting something."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Chad's voice strengthens.

She shuts the door, "It's just you and me. Whatever it is, you can tell me." Chad shakes his head, and Mal steps forward.

"I can't help you forget if I don't know what you're trying to forget."

He faces her, "Well, there's nothing to forget, okay?"

"Ben's worried about you," she lets him know, and his eyes lower. "You know, there's things I'd like to forget." Chad faces her, and she tilts her head, "It just sucks that I can't use my powers on myself."

Chad's eyes shift, "What happened to you?"

Mal thinks for a moment, "It doesn't matter." before she walks up to him. "My point is, this is your chance. I'm not going to be asking you this again."

Chad rubs his hands together, "I can't forget." before he eyes the floor. "If I forget, he… I'll get hurt again."

"He who?" He shakes his head, and Mal reaches for him, "Chad."

"Don't touch me!" his eyes widen as he pulls back.

"Okay." Mal puts her hands up, "No touching." He looks down again, and Mal slowly lowers her hands. "Just give me a name, Chad. I'll make him wish he never hurt anyone."

"You're on parole," he points out.

"So?"

"So?" Chad disbelieves, before he furrows his brows at her. "Do you know how mad Ben would be at me if I got you in trouble?"

"He can't just get away with this," Mal's voice raises.

"Get away with what?" Chad challenges, and Mal's expression falters.

She notices the fear, as his face softens, and she says, "That thing that happened to me… I was raped on the Isle, and he got away with it." She meets his eyes, "What he did will haunt you. You can't just let him get away with it."

"Well, then, it's a good thing I wasn't raped," Chad nonchalantly counters.

"I'm back," Mal hears the singing and swiftly twist towards the door, only to see Audrey with a cardboard tray in her hands. "Oh," she eyes over her. "It's you." She smiles, "Get Ben, would you? We have a number to do."

Mal looks back at Chad, and he mumbles, "Just go." She hesitates, looking over him, before he watches her walk to the door.

After Mal leaves, Audrey walks up to Chad and hands him a drink, "I got you lemon water with ice, just the way you like."

"Thank you," Chad whispers, before he takes the cold drink.

- Okay. So, I'm going to need some comments on this post, because a lot happened and it would be sad if no one had any thoughts on it. Also, just so you know, I gave hints in the last fic for what was going on with Chad, so it's not impossible to guess. Do any of you think you know what happened or who did it to him? I'd love to see your predictions. Chad's plot doesn't get anywhere near resolved in this fic, so if you want to lay out your guesses, now might be the best time to do it... If you'd rather talk about Ben and his melt down, that's fine too. Just like when he was talking about the clock in the last fic, I really love writing him as crazy (for lack of a better term). He's so much fun to write like that, although this time was less intentional and more happenstance. It was still funny for me to read, though.