Can You Hear Me

(Monday Afternoon, July 8th)

"How are holding up?" Belle questions as she walks into the office, and she watches when Ben hums and shakes his head hard. "That good?" He hums again, and she takes a seat in the chair across from him. "Want to talk about it?" He keeps quiet, and she sighs, "Honey. I know you must feel very…"

"Doug said Mal hypnotized me," he interrupts. "Is that true?"

She takes a moment, "You asked her to." and he runs a hand down his mouth. "I know you must feel… betrayed." She reaches out to him, and he pulls his hands from the desk. She glances down, "I don't expect you to react any better than the first time."

He faces her, "How and I react the first time?"

"Well, uh." She strengthens her words, "You tried to kill yourself, apparently." and his mouth gapes as he turns away. "Your friends neglected to say just how many times." He continues to stare off at the side wall, and she comments, "Ben. Your life hasn't changed. You're still the same person you've always been."

"How can you possibly say that?" Ben widens his eyes at her. "I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster," she asserts.

He slightly shakes his head, "You don't know me." She laughs, and his frown deepens. "Of course, you don't believe me."

"It's not that," she reassures. "It's just always so refreshing to hear you speak like an everyday teenager."

"So, I'm not," he notes.

"No. You're always just so serious and responsible," she explains. "Most teenagers, even royals, feel as though they are the only one in the world who has their experiences."

"Because a lot of teenagers inherit an entire country as the only member of their species," he counters. "And suffers from a life-threatening illness their citizens aren't allowed to know."

"Well, there's that," his mother frowns.

"No wonder I attempted suicide," he evenly responds, as he picks up the pen again and scans over the laptop screen. "It was probably the smart thing to do."

"There are smarter ways to solve problems than to kill yourself," his mother disbelieves.

"Really?" Ben smiles at her, "Tell me." before he scratches his nose. "Tell me. Let's start with my terminal illness, how do I solve that?"

"Hyperthermia is not terminal," she denies.

"Yes, it is," Ben stresses, "and it causes brain damage before then."

"The medicine helps," she reminds him.

"For how long?" his mouth gapes. "And how about when I actually get sick. We never know what to do with me then."

"Well, you have Mal now," she reasons.

"I broke up with her," his voice raises.

"But you still love her," his mother's eyebrows rise.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going out with her, and so long as I'm like this, I'm not going to." He rants, "And even if I did, she can't take my heat when I'm sick, because if she gets sick, she can't retain any heat for herself."

His mother gives a look, "You can't avoid people forever."

He eyes off, "I'm better off without them." before he glances down. "And as it turns out, they're better off without me too."

"I'm not a people person either," his mother replies, "but we all need companionship. We still need to feel loved and validated."

"Which is exactly why I choose not to talk to people," Ben blankly looks at her. "I feel a whole lot better working than when I'm surrounded by people judging me."

"Those are just strangers," she negates. "You shouldn't need to take their words so personally."

"It's not strangers," Ben's brows furrow. "It's Father. It's you. It's my friends. It's…" He shakes his head, "It's Chad." before he pulls a drawer open, slams it shut, and stands from the desk. "Where's my soda?" He walks over to the pullout couch, kneels, slides out a twenty-four pack from underneath. "Found you."

"Right." She watches him carry the case the to the desk, and when he sits down, she hesitates, "The, uh, meeting has been rescheduled for tomorrow."

"You know what?" Ben smiles. "It's fine. I don't need Chad." He cracks the can open and takes a relaxing drink before examining it, "I have you."

His mother eyes between it and him, "I think I'd rather have you have Chad."

"Well, that's too bad," Ben counters, "because Chad doesn't want me."

"I'm sure we'll have this all sorted out tomorrow," she reassures.

"How?" Ben exasperates. "All that meeting is going to be is you two speculating what's going on with Chad and me, when only Chad knows what's upsetting Chad."

"It's likely he told his father," she suggests, "and that's why you've been blocked." She thinks, "Chad just had a hard time telling you, so his father is going to help him get it across." He shakes his head, and she inquires, "You don't think so?"

Ben places a hand to his head, "Chad just confuses me too much." before his brows raise. "It's not like he ever says what he actually means. This whole thing could be nonsense."

"It sounded serious," she debates.

"I don't care," Ben complains. "All I know is I'm going over all this, and I can't even ask for a second opinion because Chad's being Chad."

"I could get your father."

"I don't need Father," Ben shouts. "I need—" He can't have Chad. Ben eyes off and mutters, "I need you to go."

She takes a minute, "I think we need to discuss your suicide attempts first."

He gives her a look, "That's going to be hard when I only remember one of them."

"Then let's talk about that one," she solves.

"No. I'm not discussing this with you."

"Why ever not?"

"Because," he stresses. "You're going to take his side."

"Whose side?"

"His." Ben breathes, "Father's."

"There are no sides, when it comes to you and your father," she says.

"Yes, there is," his eyes widen. "And you always choose him!"

She watches him lean his head into his hand, covering his eyes, "Honey?"

"Just go," he manages, trying to swallow back the tears.

"No," she quietly comments. "I'm not leaving you like this, especially now that I know you've tried to end your life multiple times."

"Then send Evie," he grits his teeth. "Just go." He shakes, "Please."

She sighs, "Alright."

Ben hears her stand from the chair, and as her scent becomes more and more distant, he peeks towards the door. He watches her step out, lays his head in his arms on the desk, and stares at his soda before sliding it towards himself, "You would never leave me, would you?" He takes a sip and lets out a calming breath, "No. I know you won't." as he clutches it tight and brings it close. It is his, and it will forever be his.

"Hey," Evie steps into the room, and Ben peers up from his arms. "How's it going?"

"Tired." He complains, "Nothing… It doesn't… Fuck English. You know French yet?"

"Um," Evie unsurely responds, as she goes to take a seat. "Carlos is doing better than any of us, but we're still not that far." Her eyes shift, "Mal's really been having a hard time with it. She tries, but… she can read it. She just can't speak it."

"And you?" he questions.

"I'm probably doing a whole lot better with German," she softly answers. "I think it's like biological. I heard people complain about German being hard, because it uses the throat, but it's pretty easy for me, actually. Like how Carlos's French pronunciation is so perfect. It's probably just that I'm good at German because I'm German, and he's good at French because he's French." She hesitates, "Sorry. Did you get that?"

"Enough," Ben frowns.

"But I'm doing okay with French too," Evie reassures. "I'm just not as fast with it as Carlos. He's actually reading stuff on his own."

"Yeah," Ben recalls. "My mother said he likes to go to the, uh… the book room. She had to show him the other door to it. Father doesn't like it, though, I guess."

"Hmm," Evie hums.

"Yeah. Uh." He faces her, "How much do you know about… about money? A lot, right? You have your own business."

"I suppose," she frowns. "Why?"

He shows the laptop to her, "I'm trying to even the money out. If less is needed, then the… it can be built— The buildings can be built faster."

She offers an unsure look, "Is it really a good idea to cut corners?"

"No." Ben explains, "That's what I'm trying not to do." He hands her the notebook, "This is what I think we might be able to do without, but I'm not sure." He darts his eyes from it to her, "Do you think we can cut any these?"

She hands the notebook back to him, "I can't read half of that."

Ben wets his lips, as he notices the French writing, "Right." He pulls out his phone and types the first word into the translator, before he shows Evie, "This."

Evie squints at it, "Cellar? Like a wine cellar?"

"What?" Ben's brows furrow. "No. Like for bad… like rain and stuff. The place below floors, if there's bad… storm." He stresses, "The word is storm."

"Oh," she recognizes. "You mean, a basement."

"A what?" Ben questions, before he shakes his head and pulls the work back towards himself. "Fuck this. I need Chad."

"You can't call him?" Evie inquires.

"No." Ben mumbles, "I did something or something, I guess." before he reaches for his soda. "I can't talk to him right now. His dad won't let me."

"Rough," Evie seethes. "How are you doing with that?"

He shakes his head, "I don't know what to do with myself." before he sets the pen back down. "I didn't know how much I… that he helped me until now." He meets her dark brown eyes, "He's been there forever, you know? I didn't think anything of it until now."

She nods, "Yeah. I can get that."

He takes a moment, "So, uh, how's it going with Mal?"

"Why don't you ask her?" she counters.

"No. I mean…" Ben wets his lips, "I said she could, um, see you, you know, after I said I didn't want her to see me." He awkwardly smiles, "How is that going?"

"Oh. Um," Evie eyes down for a moment, before she tries to smile at him. "She didn't really tell me that."

"Oh," Ben frowns. "Well, uh, I think she just took it hard. She'll tell you."

Evie whispers, "Why would she want me, when she could have Lonnie?"

Ben takes a moment, "I don't think Lonnie is like that. I mean… You know?"

"No," Evie gives him a look. "Being gay isn't something you can see. Okay? Just because a girl acts like a guy or dresses super fem or butch doesn't make them gay." Ben merely stares at her, and she sighs, "You cannot see gay. It is inside a person. So, you can't know if Lonnie likes girls or not."

"I just…" Ben's eyes shift, "She comes from an army family. She wouldn't do that."

Evie's thin eyebrows raise as her mouth gapes, but she merely shakes her head, "I might have to watch you, but I don't need to hear this."

Ben watches her stand, "Where you going?"

Evie walks over to the bed and lays back on it, "Nowhere. I'm right here, and I'm going to stay here until it's time for dinner."

He blankly looks at her, "I'm not going to dinner."

"That's fine." Evie takes out her nail file, "I don't need to either."

"Ben," his mother shouts, and his eyes widen as she comes into the office. "It's time for dinner. What do you think you're doing?"

"Um." He eyes over to Evie for help, and her eyes move up from her phone.

She smiles at Belle, "Oh, we're not having dinner tonight."

Belle gasps, "Think again." before she points to do the door. "Evie. Go to the dining room. We'll be there shortly."

"I'm not going to eat anything," Evie informs.

"I want you to at least drink some milk," she sternly eyes her, and Evie rolls her eyes as she gets up from the pullout couch.

"Fine."

Belle stares at Ben, until the door shuts, and she strides over to him, "You promised us you would eat. You can't keep doing this to us."

"To you?" Ben's brows furrow.

"Is this your next suicide attempt?" his mother questions. "To slowly starve yourself to death and have us know we can't do anything to stop you?"

"Not everything is about you," Ben yells. "Can't I just not be hungry for once?"

His mother silences for a moment, "You're right. This isn't about us." before she goes to sit across from him. "This is about you."

"Okay," Ben cautiously plays along.

"I want you to tell me…" She falters, "I need you to tell me what it is your father could have done to cause you to… to want to end your own life." Ben shakes his head, and she says, "I know I give him a lot of benefit of the doubt, but I promise I can listen without judgement."

Ben glances down before eyeing past her, "I just hated seeing him everywhere. Everywhere I went—I could just be looking outside my window—and there was this statue of him. I turn on the TV and everyone just relays his accomplishments. I walk through the castle, and there are portraits of him everywhere. There's portraits of him in the school library!" He stares down at his folded hands, "Everyone just thinks he's such a great man, a great father… I'm the one being unreasonable and disrespectful, because I see he's not."

"I know it must be hard to see past some things he's done—"

Ben widens his eyes at her, "You said you wouldn't make excuses."

She pauses a long moment, "All I mean is… it's hard to step out of someone's shadow, especially someone you see as flawed, but all royals are seen as more than human, Ben." She frowns, "Everything we do and say will be adorned and scrutinized to the greatest degree, but that should not keep you from being the best you can be."

"And you're completely missing the point," Ben half laughs.

"No," she evenly expresses. "I think you are." Her tone saddens, "Everyone wants to think they're special, but you're not. Everyone's been overshadowed and misjudged at least once in their lives. You're not any different."

"You think I want to feel this way?" Ben disbelieves.

"No." She reasons, "I believe you feel this way, because as a teenager you won't have the experience to come to this knowledge yourself. Which is exactly why I'm telling you this. The sooner you see what's happening here, the sooner you can solve the issue and move on." Ben huffs, and she continues, "Perhaps it's easier to believe you're different so that you don't need to face reality, but the reality is you're not any different from the rest of us."

"You think I want to be different?" Ben screams, "Who would want to be a freak?"

She takes a minute, "It's just something to consider." before she stands from the chair. "I'll give you some time to settle down, but I want you sitting with us within five minutes."

"I'm not Father," Ben shouts. "I'm still going to feel this way the next time you try to talk to me about it. My emotions are linked to my feelings about things. I'm not some fucking raging lunatic who shoves someone to the ground because of some stupid scratch on the floor."

His mother keeps a hand on the doorknob, as she turns around and frowns; however, after eyeing over him, she merely says, "I do love you."

After she shuts the door, he roars and throws his phone at the door, before he breaks into sobs and rummages through his drawers. The bottom one opens, and he halts as he sees the heart box of chocolates and takes it out. He runs his thumb over the ruff, red ribbon before untying the bow. He was going to give this to her for Mother's Day, but he was still at school, and whenever he visited, he could never find her alone. It never got to her. He takes the top off, reaches for a rectangular chocolate, but then puts the orange crème back. The sugar smells nauseating, and he has to put the cover back on.

When Ben continues to search the drawers, he finds a blue bottle of cold medicine and takes the cap off. It's half full. The chances are fifty-fifty. Either he will die tonight, or he will wake up tomorrow. He sets the card back on the chocolates and rests his hand there for a moment. Does he really want her to see it? He sighs. Well, if he dies, it's not like he has anything to lose. He moves his hand from the heart box to the bottle, before he opens it and chugs the disgusting berry flavor. He sets it down, steps over to the bed, and as his heart seems to slow, the heaviness of his lids shut his eyes.

After Mal knocks, she opens the door, "Ben. Your mother—" Her eyes move from the empty bottle on the desk to his motionless body on the bed, and she runs over to him. "Ben?" she worries, before she places a hand in front of his mouth and feels the breath. She sighs in relief and scratches her forehead, before she tries shaking him awake; however, he doesn't budge. She places a hand to his neck, feeling that it isn't even warm, and she swears the thumping of the veins is less than what it should be. He still might not survive this. She needs to think. Mal eyes back over to the bottle and hurries to the desk, before she reads the warnings on the back. It only mentions side effects to the liver, but she's not taking any chances. She has to do something.

Mal's eyes move to the Mother's Day card on the desk, and she opens it for a minute. Between the nouns and the words she has learned, she can just make it out. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I could have asked for no mother better than you. Love, Ben. She shuts the card and takes a deep breath as she strides back over to him. That didn't help. How is she supposed to help him? She takes his hand and notices her wrist. If he had something else in his body, that could dilute it. She places a nail over her wrist, but then she halts and her eyes shift. That medicine was probably an acid. Is blood a base or an acid? Would a dragon's blood be more acidic? Carnivores have more acidic systems, but does that affect their blood? He's not even moving. She has to try it. Mal runs a nail down her wrist, and as it starts to flow, she places it to his mouth. She feels the slow sucking, as he gulps the liquid down, but when he gasps her air, she moves her wrist away from him.

Ben's vision is blurred, but he can still make out the girl with the brown, thick curls, "Mother?" Her mouth moves, but he can't comprehend the words. He feels so tired, but those curls. He reaches out for them, and he partly smiles as he runs his fingers down a stand. He mumbles, "I love you."

Mal watches his hand fall, as his eyes shift shut again. "Ben?" she worries. She hears the muttering French and sighs. "That's, uh… That's a good thing." She wipes the blood from his lips and hurries to the bathroom, before she cleans herself up and heads back upstairs.

"Where's Ben?" Adam questions.

Mal takes a moment, "I think he took some cold medicine. I had a hard time waking him up." before she shakes her head. "He just fell back asleep again."

"He was upset earlier." Belle turns to Adam, "It could have induced a fever."

He shakes his head, "I'm starting to think he's doing this on purpose."

Mal thinks, "What's Mother's Day?"

"Well, it's a holiday where mothers are gifted items from their children and tend to be given special treatment," Belle supplies. "Why?"

"I just saw this card on his desk," Mal frowns. "I was curious."

"But Mother's Day would have been a couple months ago," she frowns in return. "Are you sure that's what it was?"

"It was in French," Mal unsurely responds, "but it had the word for mother, and I think it said day. Sooo…"

She stands from her seat, "Where is it? I'd like to see it myself."

"On his desk," Mal supplies, and she watches as Belle walks around the table. "Are you sure now's a good time for that?" Belle offers a questioning look. "I just mean with dinner and everything," Mal partially laughs it off.

"It will give me a chance to check on him," she answers. "I don't like how I left things with him earlier."

"But he's asleep," Mal counters.

"I should still check on him," she says, before she walks down the stairs and steps into the office. Belle glances from Ben to the desk, before she walks over to it and notices the chocolate box and card. She opens it, but as she reads, she notices the empty bottle next to it. She drops the card, her mouth agape as she picks up the bottle and hurries to Ben's side. "Honey?" She moves the hair from his face, and he groans. "Honey? Can you hear me?"

"The jam is red," Ben mutters.

"The jam?" she inquires.

"It tastes red," he confirms.

She pauses, "Ben. Why didn't you give me the card?"

"The card?" he repeats.

"Why didn't you give me the Mother's Day card?" she rephrases.

He takes a minute, "It used to be easy. Now, it's not."

"What used to be easy?" she prompts.

"You," his eyes remain closed. "You used to be easy. I don't know when it got so hard."

"What's hard?" He fails to speak, and she takes his hand, "Ben. What's hard?"

"Why do you always choose him?" his pitch raises.

"What do you mean?"

"It hurts." She sees the tears in the corners of his eyes, "It's always him. You choose him. You're with him all the time." He gulps, "I care and I love so much, and it's gone. I put it all in a basket and wrap a bow on it, and it's… it's nothing to you. I give you everything I have, and I never see it again."

"Honey." She makes a sad noise, "You know I love you."

"If you loved me, you would leave him," he proclaims.

She moves her hand away from his, "Ben."

"How hard would it be," he persists, "just to have you for myself for a single minute."

She takes a moment, "We're alone now."

"Good to know," Ben cracks his eyes open. "All I need to do to get your attention is to kill myself." He contemplates, "Am I dead?"

"No, honey," she sadly laughs with tears in her eyes. "You're not dead."

"It feels like I am." He notices the light brown, "You changed your hair." before he reaches for the curls.

"No. Um," she tries to think. "It was Mal you saw earlier, dear."

He lets his hand fall from her hair, before he faces her, "I love you."

"I know you do," she acknowledges.

"Why can't you love me?"

"I, um." She hesitates, "Ben. I am your mother, and that means I will love you unconditionally, but… I think, maybe, it's different than what you want from me."

"But I don't even need to have you," his eyes shift. "I just want you." He takes her hand, "I always feel better when you're around. Why can't we just have this?"

"Your father wouldn't see a difference," she reminds him.

"It's always about him," Ben frustrates, before he lets out a long breath.

"He's my husband. You need to respect that."

"Mother," he meets her warm brown eyes. "I'm really tired."

"Of course," she eyes down for a second. "Would you like me to leave?"

"No," he hurries. Ben brings her hand closer and wraps his other hand around it, "Stay here, please. Just for a minute."

She slowly nods, "I can do that."

He shuts his eyes, "I love you."

Belle hesitates, before she places a kiss on top of his head, "I love you too."

Posted: 06/24/2019

Megan I'm glad I could help. Thank you for your continued support. I'm sorry I couldn't post these chapters sooner, but I was trying to find a good stopping point for these sets of chapters... That being said, between this story, Side Problems, and Islander Adventures, you now have seventy-five pages to read. My bad. Lol. Don't worry. I have faith that you'll get through those eleven chapters- no problem. #SorryNotSorry Guten Gluck. Not me, though, because my writing laptop can't use alt codes, so I can't spell German right anymore. SAD.

- So, I've been working on a new project... Anyone else here a fan of GTLive? I know I am. I'll give more details as I'm closer to finishing the first video.