Feel Better
(Friday Morning, July 13th)
There are two taps on the door, before Belle opens the it and shouts, "Ben." He lets go of the machine, eyes wide, and a loud bang soon follows. She shuts the door and steps inside, "What are you doing? Did the doctor clear you for this?" Ben fails to speak. "You could have hurt your shoulder again."
"Father hurt it first," he excuses.
She sighs, "Just tell me why. How could you be so reckless?"
Ben eyes down, "Father was right. I am weak." before he gulps and faces her. "I should have been able to escape him, break free, but I couldn't."
"So, you go and lift weights," she half laughs before shaking her head. "How's breaking your shoulder supposed to help you?" He eyes the floor, and she steps forward, "Ben. You're smarter than this." There's no other solution. If his mother won't let him leave, if he can't become strong enough to fend off his father, then he might as well be dead. "You know better than to do something like this." Every plan he's made over the years to make his life better, squandered by his parents, because his plans are considered foolish and his contingencies are irrationally idealistic. "This is not a solution."
"I get it," Ben shouts. "I'm an idiot. Can you leave now?"
She gasps, "That is not what I said."
"Please," he tears up. "Just go."
"No," she asserts. "I will not let you hurt yourself like this."
"I'm not." Ben hits his wrist against the metal of the weights' machine and seethes, holding onto the wrist hard, before his pitch raises, "It's done. Okay?"
"Ben," she softly speaks.
The tears slide to his cheeks, "Just go."
"Ben," she says again.
"I said go," he roars, before he covers his face with a hand and shakes.
"Ben?" his mother unsurely inquires.
He whispers, "Just fucking leave." and after a long moment, he hears the door shut and sobs even harder.
Evie notices someone pass the door, and she hurries to see who it is, "Ben?" He halts, and when she steps towards him, he slowly turns around.
"Hey, Evie," he frowns.
She eyes over him, "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" he repeats.
"You feel tense," she notices. "Did something happen?"
"I can't do this right now," Ben turns back around.
"What's wrong?" Evie questions, before she sees Ben stand in front of Carlos's door and count the chocolate bars in his hands. "Ben. What are you doing?"
He widens his eyes at her, "I need you to go."
"Ben. You shouldn't do this when you're upset."
"Who says I'm upset?" he counters.
"Are you kidding me?" she disbelieves. "It's coming right off of you."
He narrows his eyes at her, "If you don't like it, you can leave."
"Ben," she whispers. He knocks hard on the door. "Just think about this." He shakes his head and knocks again. "Are you even hungry?"
He lets out a breath, "Very." before he knocks again.
"Ben," Evie tries to reason, before the door opens and Carlos shows himself.
One click and then another, Carlos snaps the lighter, and he lies back on the bed as he watches the flame flicker. With each snap, the metal burns hotter. He holds the button down, and his breathing speeds up as the heat increases. A vibrant sensation runs through his body, and he tries to steady himself, his thumb and hand shaking as the delightful sting fills him. If he could just keep his thumb there and continue this feeling, but then there's a knock. He takes a deep breath. If he can just keep his thumb there for another minute, and the door pounds again. Carlos lets go, "Damn it." and places the lighter back inside the drawer. He heads for the door, glances down, and goes back for a pillow, before there's a third knock and he strides over to open it. Ben holds up five chocolate bars, and Carlos gapes, "Now?"
Ben looks over him, "Are you doing something?"
Carlos presses on his back, "Get in here." before he notices Evie.
She steps forward, "I'm coming too."
Carlos stops her, giving a look, "Don't be weird." before shutting the door. He shakes his head and goes back to the bed, resting his arms over the pillow that lays on his legs.
"So, uh," Ben begins.
"The wrist this time," Carlos instructs. "I want to be awake for it." Ben deeply frowns, and he nods him over, "Come on."
Ben sits down, handing him the chocolate, before Carlos sets them on the bedside table and offers him his wrist. Ben wets his lips, "I still don't…"
Carlos sighs, "You and your performance issues." before Ben faces him. "Are you this bad in bed?" Ben glances down, and Carlos rolls his eyes, "Right. Well, don't worry. I'll just start it for you."
Ben watches Carlos take a threaded needle from the drawer, "Why do you have that?"
"I, uh, stole it from Evie," he answers.
"No. I mean," Ben sighs, "why do you have it."
Carlos pauses, eyeing up at him, "You know I like science?"
"Yes," Ben confirms.
"Call it an experiment," he discloses. "I've been sewing thread through my skin and pulling at it."
Ben's brows furrow, "Why?"
Carlos shrugs, "I wanted to know what would happen." before he takes the thread off and points the needle towards his wrist.
"Wait," Ben panics.
Carlos faces him, "Did you want to do it?"
"No. I just," he stresses before letting out a breath.
"You did this last time too," Carlos recognizes, before he places the needle onto his wrist. "You're here, because you need it."
Ben eyes from the wrist to him, "And if I don't?"
Carlos frowns at him, "It's still nice to feel needed." before he refocuses on his wrist, pressing the needle through the skin. He takes a deep breath and inches it in more, before he pulls the needle out.
Ben watches the blood slowly surface, bringing Carlos's wrist closer to him, before his teeth tense and he sucks on the wound; however, the blood doesn't make it past his tongue, and he uses his front teeth to cut for more. Carlos feels the pinching, as he cuts deeper and deeper in, but after a minute the nipping stops and sucking continues. Carlos takes a deep breath, eyeing down, before he notices the difference in Ben's pants. He's enjoying this. What would happen if he got him to enjoy it more?
Carlos places a hand on Ben's knee, but he doesn't seem to notice. He moves his hand higher up his leg, and there's still no negative response. He rubs back-and-forth, moving a thumb over the end of the bulge, and Ben bites hard. His hand rests there, as he catches his breath, and he realizes there was no further retaliation. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe he just wanted more. There's one more pinch, before Ben sucks again and Carlos feels his tongue move into the circular wound of his skin. It stings, but it's pleasant. It's more than pleasant, and his hand tightens as he releases. He moves it again, steadily faster until Ben gasps. Carlos lets go and watches Ben take in the fresh air. He observes him, until he feels the stickiness and looks down at the small hole in his wrist, a layer of blood seeping through the pale flesh. "Are you okay?"
Carlos keeps his wrist turned up but partly smiles, "Yeah. Fine."
"Are you sure?" Ben questions, as his eyes shift from the wound to him. "It looks a little… lasting."
He frowns, "It's not any worse than what my mother's done."
"I don't want to be compared to your mother," Ben frowns in return.
"Right," Carlos quickly comments. "Um. So, you." He faces him, "Was it… good?" He watches Ben wet his lips. "I did something wrong, didn't I?"
Ben takes a moment, "Okay. Look." and he hesitates. "This was fine, but you need to know…"
"You don't like guys," Carlos assumes, before his eyes shift. "Except, I thought you kind of liked Chad."
Ben runs a hand over his mouth, "Um. Chad." He takes a breath, "Chad messes with my head almost as much as my mother does. I don't know what's up with him, but…" He sighs and places a hand to his head, "Let's keep the guy girl thing out of this. I already told you it was fine. I wasn't thinking of who I was with when we were doing this. It's fine."
"Then what's the problem?" Carlos questions.
"I don't like sex," Ben whispers. "I don't like sex and I don't like blood, and no one believes me but it's the truth. Okay?" He shakes his head, "With this, I wasn't thinking about what I was drinking or where I was being touched." The tears intrude his eyes, "I was just so upset… I needed to feel good."
Carlos softly says, "I'm sorry."
Ben's voice crackles, "It can't happen again."
"Which part?" Carlos questions.
Ben shakes his head, "I don't know. It's all…" He gulps, "You know, there's just some days I can't deal with any of it. It's all so hard."
Carlos takes a moment, "What's hard?"
"Everything."
Carlos thinks, "What about sex is hard?" before Ben faces him. "Is there a reason you don't like it or… do you just not?"
He shakes his head, "I don't know, Carlos." before he sighs. "It's just…"
"Ben?" Carlos tilts his head to see him.
"I don't feel good."
"You don't feel good doing sex?" Carlos questions.
"No," he places a hand to his head. "Now. I don't feel good now."
"What's wrong?" Carlos concerns.
Ben sighs, "A cold shower will fix everything." but when he stands, he immediately falls to the rug.
"Ben," Carlos panics, before he kneels and pushes the hair from his face. He's warm. "Ben?" He grits his teeth, "Damn it." He shakes him, "Ben. Wake up." but there's nothing. He scans the room before rushing to the bathroom, turning the cold bath water on, and running a washcloth under it before bringing it back to Ben. He places it onto his forehead, "Ben." He makes a noise, but his eyes stay shut. Carlos shakes his head. He has to get him to the bath, but how's he supposed to carry someone taller than him, even if it is just a few inches? Carlos sits him up, before he rolls his eyes, "Isn't he like injured?" He lets out breath. Which shoulder was it? He huffs, "Whatever." before he wraps his arms around his torso, stands to his feet, and drags him to the bathroom. He sits him on the bath edge, "Ben?" There's no response. "Well, ready or not…" Carlos shakes his head, "He literally just said he doesn't like—" before giving an irritable look. "I swear, if you give me flack for this—" He maneuvers Ben's t-shirt over his head, unbuttons his slacks, and pulls him up as he tugs them off.
"Carlos?" Ben tiredly questions.
"Yes?"
He takes a moment, "Are you undressing me?"
"Um," he unsurely responds.
Ben's eyes crack open, "You are."
"You're welcome," Carlos comments, he moves Ben's feet into the bath.
"That's cold," he complains.
"You wanted a cold shower," he reminds him.
"Not this cold," he takes his feet out. "You'll break my… I'm tired."
"You have a fever," Carlos corrects, before he turns on the hot water.
"Right," he recalls.
"I thought you took something for that."
"I do," Ben mumbles. "I take so much, I'm out."
Carlos shakes his head, "You're impossible."
"I'm dead," Ben shuts his eyes.
"Not yet," Carlos counters. "Get in the water."
Ben grumbles, "But it's over there."
He gives him a look, "I can push you in."
He moans, "It's so far."
Carlos nudges his arm, and Ben falls into the bath, "There. You made it."
- Posted: 07/25/2019
-Pinkcrazyness I was hoping for a more detailed comment, but you posted it almost immediately after I did the update so I can't complain. Thank you.
Megan Yeah. When I looked up the D3 release date I found out about him too. I just didn't mention it, because I don't follow actors and I thought it would be more respectful to leave the mourning to people who actually knew about him and his career. With what I've just learned he seemed like a great guy, and it is sad he isn't with us anymore. As far as the fanfiction goes, Mal and Evie were given permission to date by Ben. I don't think they will be using the terminology for it, especially since it's illegal (the law may not be enforced, but since they're not well liked someone could use it as an excuse to get them into trouble). I plan on having Mal and Evie go on a movie date when Mal's released, though, so yes. They are dating... and Ben is going to completely lose himself. It will be fun... or sad. You decide. My point is, since I plan on both Ben and Evie to date Mal by the end of this fic, enjoy the Malvie time. Because, at some point, Ben starring as Damsel in Distress is going to need to be saved. (I hope that wasn't too much of a spoiler).