Disordered

(Monday Afternoon, July 16th)

When the brown-haired therapist enters the room, Mal narrows her eyes at her, "Janis."

"Morning, Mal," she smiles, before her expression evens out. "I'm here today to see how you're doing and officially diagnose you with any disorder you may need treatment for."

"I'm aware," she irritably responds, tugging at her white clothes.

"Let's start with the obvious one," she suggests, before she opens the large book. "These are the symptoms of Alcohol Use Disorder."

"You know," Mal informs, "on the Isle, if someone drank, it would be called morning."

Her blue eyes meet her, "Just tell me if any apply." before she eyes back at the textbook. "Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended."

Mal shakes her head, "It takes a lot for me to get buzzed."

"That will be number ten," the therapist inputs, "a tolerance or need for increased amounts of the substance to get desired effect.

"I don't have a tolerance," Mal's eyes glow. "Alcohol just doesn't affect me. Hell. Even cyanide won't kill me. How is alcohol supposed help me, if I'm not drinking it all the time?"

"Help," she notes. "How do you think it helps?" Mal's eyes dim, and after a long pause, she questions, "Didn't you keep it in water bottles at one point?"

"Well, it's not like I drink water," Mal reminds her.

"Let me put the question a different way," she takes a moment. "You may feel like you had this much alcohol out of choice, but tell me, did it ever feel out of your control? Did you ever find yourself having more than what you planned?"

Mal frowns, "Yes."

The therapist looks at the book again, "And has your efforts to cut down on alcohol proved unsuccessful?"

Her eyes lower, recalling all the times she'd started drinking again after Jay's struggles to get her to stop, "Yes."

"A great amount of time is spent in activities to obtain or use alcohol or recover from its effects," she continues.

Mal partly smiles, "Does selling drawings count?" and when Janis doesn't respond, Mal quietly answers, "Yes."

"Do you crave or have a strong desire to use alcohol?"

Mal clasps her hands, "Yes."

"Has your alcohol use ever resulted in you failing in any home, school, or work obligations?" she evenly inquires.

"No," Mal shakes her head, before she remembers how Jay's attempts to get her to stop drinking had resulted in him getting kidnapped. Her mouth opens, but the therapist speaks before she can.

"Have you continued alcohol use, despite knowing that it has consistently caused or exasperated problems in social settings or interpersonal relationships?"

"I continued to drink after Ben and his parents told me to stop," Mal comments.

"Important social, occupational, or recreational activities have been given up or reduced due to alcohol use."

"No," she denies.

"And do you drink in dangerous situations?"

"No," she reaffirms.

"Have you continued alcohol use, despite knowing that it may have caused or exasperated any physical or psychological problems?"

"No," Mal answers.

The therapist meets her jade green eyes, "Are you aware that alcohol is a depressant?"

"A depressant?" she questions. "You mean, like downers?"

"Sure," she acknowledges. "It can lower your mental and physical abilities. It can lower your mood. Considering the reason you're in here, I'd say something like that would only make that worse, perhaps even have caused it. What do you think?"

"I think," Mal retorts, "I tried to kill myself because guys only see me as some sex toy, and I don't need a downer to off myself for being such a slut."

"So, you don't think alcohol negatively impacts your psychological state at all?" the brunette inquires.

"No," Mal firmly answers. "It helps me. Okay? It lets me forget all the shitty stuff I've had to deal with in my life, even if it's just for a single millisecond."

"Does that mean you plan on drinking again, once you get out of here?"

Mal leans back against the padded wall, crossing her arms, "I don't know. I mean, breathing fire is kind of cool, and Dr. What's-His-Name says I won't be able to do that if I start drinking again."

The therapist glances down, "And you said you don't believe you have a tolerance?"

"No," Mal confirms. "I'm a dragon. It takes a lot of anything to work on me."

Janis nods, "Have you ever taken alcohol to avoid withdrawal symptoms or have you experienced withdrawal symptoms since you've been placed here?"

"Sometimes drinking will take care of headaches, if that counts," Mal frowns.

The therapist nods, jotting down some notes, "You are currently in a controlled environment, and you have said yes to six symptoms. That diagnoses you with a severe case of Alcohol Use Disorder."

"Good," Mal frowns. "What's next?"

She pauses, "Did you attempt suicide because guys don't respect you or was it because you didn't think Ben wanted you?"

Mal's eyes narrow, "Why would that matter?"

"It will help me narrow down what you need help with," she explains.

Mal shakes her head, "No one kills themselves for one reason. Yeah. Guys think I'm a slut. Ben didn't want to date me. He only wanted me for my body." Mal gulps, "And once he had it, he was going to leave me to rot just like everyone else."

Janis nods, before she turns to a marked page, "Tell me if this sounds like you." She faces her, "It's important that you look deep. If you did anything out of impulse, I need you to think of the reason why you did it. Okay? You have to be honest about this."

Mal sighs, "Whatever."

She reads the first symptom, "Have you done anything extreme, perhaps out of panic, to avoid real or imagined abandonment?"

Mal's eyes shift, "You mean, like temporarily paralyze a prince as a warning to stay away from my boyfriend?"

The therapist's blue eyes cautiously meet her, "Yes. Something like that."

She eyes off, "I might have done something that extreme." before she leans forward. "But it was completely necessary."

"I'm sure it was," Janis entertains, before she moves onto the next one. "Do you have a pattern of unable and intense relationships that involve extremes of idealization and devaluation?"

"Devaluation?" Mal questions.

"A lack of value in a person, let's say," she explains. "Are your relationships or friendships usually intense, and do you normally go back-and-forth on whether the person should be admired and valued or not?"

"Aren't all relationships like that?" Mal half laughs, "When someone does something awesome for you, they're valuable, and when they betray you, they're not?"

"Is that a yes, then?" she makes sure.

"No," Mal's brows furrow. "Tell me. Why shouldn't I be able to judge people by the things they do?"

"Let me answer your question with a question," she calmly comments. "When you're betrayed, is it because of something they did or just a feeling you have about what they may do?"

Mal silences, "What's the next one?"

Janis reads, "Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self." She faces her, "Do you know who you are?"

"Yeah," Mal evenly answers. "I'm the daughter of Maleficent."

"That's who you are to other people," she counters. "Who are you to you?"

Mal eyes off, "I don't know."

The therapist continues, "Do you display impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging, such as spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, or binge eating?"

"Uh," Mal sadly breathes. "Yes."

"This would not include self-harm," she informs.

"Yeah," Mal's eyes widen to prevent tears. "It's still yes."

She nods, "Next one." before she hesitates. "Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior."

"Yes," Mal irritably answers.

The therapist frowns, "Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood, such as irritability or anxiety, usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days." Mal gives her a look, and she continues, "Chronic feelings of emptiness."

"Why are you doing this?" Mal shouts. "I get it. I'm broken. Can we move on?"

Janis sets the book aside, "You only needed to say yes to five of the criteria in order to be diagnosed, anyway."

"Goodie," Mal leans forward. "So, tell me psycho, how do you plan to fix me?"

The therapist evenly expresses, "You have a personality disorder. There is no cure. Only the symptoms of that can be dealt with. I personally suggest that we discuss any underlying issues you have, which may have led to you having this disorder."

"And which disorder is that?" Mal defenses.

"Borderline Personality Disorder. It's a disorder characterized by a pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships and self-image."

Mal's frown deepens, "That's the one Ben thought I had."

"He's been dating you for almost half a year," she points out. "That's a long time for someone like you to be dating someone. You're lucky to have him."

"You probably don't watch the news." Mal faces her, "He broke up with me."

"Because, you two weren't treating each other well, and he wanted to keep you safe," she reminds her. "If that's not love, I don't know what is."

"So," Mal sighs. "What now?"

She hesitates, "Dr. Roberts told me you have a history of sexual assault."

Mal gapes, "And who the hell told him?" before she partly smiles and eyes up. "Damn it, Ben. Of course, you would tell Belle."

"I would just like to know," the therapist continues, "if that could have contributed to the way you see relationships and interact with people."

"It's not like I forgot I got raped," Mal gives a look, "if that's what you're asking."

"Tell me what happened," she instructs.

"What happened?" Mal hysterically laughs, her eyes burning with tears. "I needed heat, I ran out of money, and this guy told me he would help me. He-arry said, okay, that it was about what I needed, and he was there." Mal nods, "He was there, but he had enough of my teasing. We were making out, he was holding me, and then suddenly he was on top of me with this grin and his fake hook holding my wrists above my head." The tears fall to her cheeks, "And then, he left. He just left, like everyone else does. Like my dad did."

"Your dad," she notices. "Tell me about him."

"There's nothing to tell," Mal shakily breathes, and a couple spouts of blue flame leave her lips. "I don't even know who he is." She shouts, "He just left. Harry left. They all fucking left, and so will Ben. Hell. He already has. And Evie." Mal gulps, "She'll leave too. They all do."

"What about your friend Jay," she inquires. "You said he's been around for almost forever. Will he leave?"

"He has a girlfriend," Mal tells her, "and if he does marry that princess, he will have no choice but to leave."

"Mal," she tries to comfort. "You will always have someone in your life. Just because a few people leave, doesn't mean they all will. And even if it feels like you're alone, there's still going to be someone looking out for you."

"Oh, really?" Mal counters. "And who's that?"

"Well," she slowly answers, "God."

"God," Mal laughs, "like the Christian God, right?" She shakes her head, "You're a witch. Your God hates you."

"The Bible was written by man," she disproves. "God may have referred to a specific witch or type of magic, and people simply didn't understand."

"You know what?" Mal's eyebrows furrow. "You and your God can go to Hell." She nods her out, "Go."

"I just want to—"

"Go," Mal grits her teeth, "before I set you on fire."

Janis gathers her things, "Have a good day too, Mal." before the door beeps, she's let out, and Mal cries where she sits on the mattress.

-Posted:08/30/2019

- I'm Ba-aack. Lol. Okay. So, Good News: my move went very well, and I absolutely love my new apartment. Bad News: Walmart is cutting my shift, and I have short of a month before I "quit". I don't get sad; I just get really tired. I wasn't surprised at all, so there's no stress- which I've had more than enough of in my home life prior to moving. Thank Hades, I was able to get out. Honestly, the situation had me suicidal, and without my coworker's help to go with me to fill out the apartment application and help me move out, I'm not sure I would have made it. When I told her I wasn't sure if I'd have made it another week, she fully agreed. She even texted out old assistant manager to tell her that in her opinion I'm safe now. She's done way more for me than my mom ever has, and I still can't believe my mom had the nerve to say my coworker wouldn't help me and that no one would ever love me as much as she does. She even admitted that she was trying to keep me there. Now that I moved, she wants to see where I live. She assumes it must have been dirty and roach-infested when I moved in, when it had been the cleanest thing I've ever seen. Anyway, I'm mostly good now. Don't worry if you don't hear from me. I'm probably just "tired" from not being wanted for a job. I have a couple months rent saved up though, so if I need to, I'm all good... I did just try filling out a Subway application (because Kwik Trip didn't want me), but it must have been a wrong website, because I just ended up getting a lot of calls from JobSearch about my plans for college. I tried explaining that I don't have the money, and when they mentioned financial aid, I told them my parent(s) weren't even supportive enough to fill out their part of the FASFA, which is why I didn't go to college in the first place. That person hung up, and... Look. I got like five calls and a transfer from these people, plus two possible texts, within a span of five minutes. I've accepted that I'm not going to college and my life might even be better without that debt, and I've completely gotten over it... until they reminded me all of my years doing my very best in school and obsessing over college opportunity was for nothing. I started writing in middle school. If I hadn't taken so many advanced classes, maybe I would have had the time to become a real author (or at least feel confident in the amount of practice I've had) by now. And, of course, I'm venting, so for those of you who want to hear my Walmart story, continue. For those you want to get back to the fanfic, skip to the bolded category.

My Walmart Story:

(1) So, a month or so ago, I saw weird things going on at Walmart and I'd heard other Walmarts got rid of overnights, so I asked the store manager what was going on with nightshift. He shook his head and said my job was safe. (This is a really funny story. Trust me.) My coworker (that I previously mentioned) had a bad feeling about overnights, and we were both convinced that despite being told that Walmart is a night-stocking store, our store is particularly big, and that they would never go to day-stocking (even though other Walmarts were trying it). Assistant Manager M (attempting to both avoid confusion and keep people anonymous) said he thought overnights would go away but only after the store remodel that comes next year. He thought we were safe until at least then. Eventually, Assistant Manager J comes to our store, because he was told his job would be safe here, but a short couple weeks later the frozen/dairy truck started coming in the morning and both Assistant Manager M and J had a meeting planned with the store manager right before an all-management meeting, for which anyone who does not show would be reprimanded. The next week M went on vacation, and the store manager talked with us individually about what our options were. When he spoke to me, he just couldn't stop saying how hard he knows this is, and my coworker said he didn't say that to her. To me, it wasn't hard at all. I knew it was coming. I asked him if this was happening a month prior, and he lied straight to my face. In order to secure one of the few nightshift spots that will remain, it will be going on by time spent with the compony and availability. Store Manager said the people being 'dispersed' from overnights would have first opportunity but that there were 50+ people to go through, so I have no chance. You need to be there for at least a year to get severance, so since I've only been with the company for half a year, I don't get anything. If you want to go to another shift, you practically have to reapply. Our old assistant manager said it sounds like Walmart's job security completely went out the window. Apparently, after this happens, word is management is getting cut too. So, even though Assistant Manager J came here because he was promised his job would be safe here, he was lied to too.

(2) Last week my coworker and I were asked by Assistant Manager J to switch a day and come in early to help him. He had been approved to allow overtime, but Assistant Manager S (who was standing in while M was on vacation) gave us half a point for doing that. He also told her I couldn't just change my schedule, which I did so I could have transportation to get to work and was changed by Assistant Manager J (who was helpful enough to take me home on days my coworker can't now that her kids need rides home from school). My coworker got fed up with how S was treating her, so since she had enough protected-payed-time-off, she used it to go home after lunch. Assistant Manager S fired her for it, and he made her turn her vest in. We're allowed to have multiple, so the only reason for him to do that is if he was trying to publicly shame her. She texted J the situation, and he gave her the store manager's boss's number. I told her I've heard that name a lot and I'm not sure if it does anything, and she told me she's not holding her breath. She said I could still pay her gas money to take me to work, and I offered her half of my paycheck since I'd have to quit without her. She said she couldn't do that to me, but I insisted she can at least borrow from me if she needs to because I know she'd pay me back.

(3) I think Walmart is broke. At our store, we broke two fuses in two weeks (for the coolers and freezers), they're cutting a complete shift, cutting people in general, and lying about it. My coworker says that someone she knows from another Walmart thinks Amazon is taking money from Walmart, so I'm pretty sure Walmart is "broke". I honestly hope something so bad happens that forces them to close the stores permanently. It's nothing against the people who work there. I got along great with 3/5 of the assistant managers I've had, and I have deep respect for them. It's Walmart as a company I have a problem with. When it gets to the point that your store doesn't run well due to greed, then you deserve to get it shut down. We recently had a CBL teaching us that they're doing these changes so that the store will survive, but as Assistant Manager J pointed out, they created overnights because day-stocking didn't work well. He thinks they will make overnights a thing again. I hope they fail before then.

The Fanfiction: I recently looked at the outline, and it turns out that there's only six weeks left until both the summer and fanfiction end. I didn't get to do everything I wanted to, but maybe I can fit it in later. I'm really exited for what I have planned for the fanfic's next school year. I'm especially exited for the Carlos's storylines. And Mal's. I just came up with a really good one for Mal. I don't want to give any spoilers, but it involves her going to Camp Half-Blood for a school volleyball tournament... Which leads to the question, how do I get Mal to take an interest in volleyball?

- If you made it through my author's note, thank you very much. Feel free to comment on either the story or my life. I'd really like some comments to read. It's been a while.