Chapter Seven
"Anna, would you like to walk with me for a bit?"
I looked up from supervising Godiva in braiding her sister's hair to see Merlin standing next to me, rocking back onto his heels several times. He flushed a bit when he realized just what he was doing. "Of course," I grinned up at him. "Godiva, you're doing beautifully. Keep practicing."
She nodded, her little tongue caught between her teeth in concentration. I grinned up at Merlin, but I was a bit surprised when he failed to smile back. And he was uncharacteristically silent as we made our way past the garden, far enough away from the others so as not to be overheard, but still in sight. And, as always, trailed by my guards, who stayed a respectful distance away.
"Merlin, what's wrong?" I asked, reaching out to him. "You're worrying me."
He looked at my hand on his sleeve for long enough to make me uncomfortable, so I snatched it back, feeling a bit scorned. Then, he looked at me searchingly, like I might have some deep secret hidden in my face.
"Do you love me?"
His blurted question shocked me. And caused more discomfort. "I beg your pardon?"
"Are you in love with me, Anna?" Merlin's insistence was odd, and not like him at all.
"What on earth ever gave you that idea?" I huffed. Then, without waiting for an answer, I gathered my skirts to sweep around him. "I've got three little girls who would like my attention. Excuse me."
"People in the castle have been saying I've strung you along." Merlin stopped me in my tracks. "They've been saying that I've toyed with your affections, that spending so much time with you will have gotten your hopes up for something that will never happen. Are they right, Anna? I never wanted to hurt you."
The sincerity in his words caused my ire to fail. "You haven't, my friend," I said, slowly turning back to face him. "Once upon a time, I fancied myself in love with you, even probably as late as only a few months ago. But now… Now, I know that was merely a little girl setting her sights on the only boy in the village who treated her with anything resembling respect. Aside from Will, of course. So, no, Merlin, you've not toyed with my feelings in any manner."
"Oh," he said, sighing with obvious relief. "Not that you're not a lovely girl," he was quick to follow up with. "In fact, I almost fancied myself in love with you, when you first arrived here in Camelot."
"Well, it is completely understandable," I said seriously. I even managed to hold onto that for nearly half a minute. But once Merlin started laughing, I couldn't stop myself.
We laughed for a long moment, actually ending up sitting on the grass next to each other. "And just when did you realize that you weren't in love with me?" I asked, leaning my head onto his shoulder.
"When Gwen asked me what my intentions were with you, only half an hour ago," Merlin answered ruefully. "And it made me realize that while I do care for you, love you, even, I'm not in love with you. I've been in love before, and it's not like what we have. You're more the sister I never wanted."
He shot a grin my way, but it didn't distract me like he had so clearly hoped. "You were in love before? What was she like?"
Merlin's smile turned soft, wistful. "Her name was Freya, and she was the gentlest soul I've ever met."
We spent the next several hours that way, simply sitting next to one another, while he told me about the love of his life. He spoke of the smallest things, like the way her hands were so small, both of them fit neatly in one of his. Or how her ears had the slightest point to them. And how simply the sound of her voice was enough to calm any fear or worry that he had.
"She's waiting for me, in Avalon," he said, smiling slightly. "As is my father, and Will, and your parents. All those we've loved and lost in this life wait for us there. And I can sometimes feel them with me, when I've needed them most."
"Tell me," I requested, secretly loving that he was absentmindedly weaving grass into a wreath as he spoke. "Tell me about your father."
And he did. He told me about the few days he'd spent with him, and all he'd learned of him from Kilgarrah and Gaius. He shared stories that Hunith had told him about their short time together, and when she would tell him that some little trait of his reminded her of his father. And I just listened, letting him unburden himself, just the slightest.
When we finally went back to the castle, we found our friends in the gardens. "When's the wedding?" was the first thing out of Gwen's mouth once Merlin and I joined them.
"There won't be one, as you very well knew," I told her saucily.
"One can never know the secret thoughts of others," she declared primly, though I did catch a secretly pleased smile lingering around her lips.
"Says the woman who knows exactly what I'm thinking at nearly all times of the day," Arthur scoffed.
She grinned up at him. "That's because you don't count as 'others'. You're my husband. It's part of my job to know what you're thinking."
"It's not terribly hard to know what Arthur's thinking, anyway," Merlin jested. "Gwen, food, sword. That's it."
"And, when was the last time I had Merlin flogged for insubordination?" the king was quick to throw back.
"I'm surprised he managed such a long word," Gwaine added in.
"Well, we all know what you've got on the mind, Gwaine," I tossed his way.
"And what might that be?" he asked me, a challenging gleam lighting his eyes.
"Anna," Godiva said happily.
"Yes, my girl?" I was rather confused, thinking she was calling my name. But she shook her head.
"No, silly, Gwaine thinks about you!"
"Well, you're not wrong," the man in question laughed, then picked the little girl up. "But I think of all the lovely ladies of my acquaintance, and that happens to include three beautiful brown haired, blue eyed ladies who promised to share a story with us. Would you tell us now?"
Godiva grinned and nodded, taking center stage while she, with Boudicca's help, told a very complex story of how they fought a dragon in the gardens that day, but they managed to tame him and send him on his way, with a promise that he would never return to harm the people of Camelot. Leon leaned over to whisper to me that it was merely a sand lizard, though a rather large one.
"I'm quite impressed with you ladies," Merlin said, causing Boudicca's infatuation to grow visibly. "You handled that dragon with great dignity. I will have to spread the word that all dragons are to listen to you three from now on."
"And they'll hafta listen, righ', Merlin?" Boudicca gushed. "'Cause you're in charge of them?"
"Exactly," he grinned down at her.
All three girls cheered, though Alys only because her sisters did.
Our happy moment was broken by Erik, the littlest page in the castle. "Your Majesties, there's a messenger who needs to speak with you. It's urgent. He's from Queen Annis, Your Majesties."
Hilda, the girls' nurse, was right behind him. "I'll take these lovely ladies for you, milord," she told Leon cheerfully, scooping Alys up. "We'll have some supper, and then I might just have a surprise for you girls."
The girls taken care of meant that we adults could see to the messenger, as we were the king and queen's most trusted advisors. I couldn't help the little thrill of pride that ran through me at that thought. "It's quite the thought to be so trusted by the best king and queen in the land, isn't it?" Gwaine whispered to me, threading my arm through his.
I stared at him in shock. How on earth could he possibly have known that was what I was thinking.
He chuckled, still leading me after the others. "We've all had that moment, love. That moment of awe, and pride, and a touch of 'What were they thinking?' It's not hard to recognize it, after all these years."
Queen Annis's messenger was waiting for us in the council chambers, where Arthur preferred to meet with the messengers of his allies. As opposed to his glittering throne room for those… not so allied with his vision. "Your Majesties," the man said, falling into a bow. Falling, for the poor man seemed nearly ready to drop from exhaustion.
"You've come from Annis," Arthur said, worry bleeding from his every word. "What's wrong? Has Caerleon been attacked?"
"No, Your Majesty," the man replied, gratefully accepting the chair Gwen indicated for him. "It's the Queen. She's dying, with only days left to live."
AN: I know it's been forever. I apologize so much! Work's been crazy, and I was really struggling with how Merlin would deal with figuring out his feelings for Anna. But I got over that hump, so hopefully, I'll be able to write more. Thanks to all of you who've stuck with me and Anna, especially those who follow and favorite. And reviews always make my day!