Disclaimer:
I do not own The Big Bang Theory.
Warning:
The next few chapters will revolve around abortion, so if it's a trigger to anyone who chooses to read this story, please read carefully.
In addition, I'm not going into politics or any other discussion for that matter regarding abortions, and it's not my intention of offending anyone's opinion, belief or anyone who experienced the events that are described in this story.
If somehow, I offended anyone, I am truly sorry and once again, it was never my intention.
Chapter 5:
"I can't believe this." Amy whispered.
"I can't believe this is happening." Amy said a little louder, not looking at Penny who was now looking at Amy's phone again.
"I can't…" Amy said more to herself than to Penny.
Penny put Amy's phone on the coffee table and got closer to her friend and took her hands in hers.
"It'll be alright." Penny whispered.
"How?" Amy asked her, not looking at her.
"How it'll be alright? how can I even be pregnant? I took the morning after pill! Twice! How can this happen?" Amy was now shaking and her tears came down strong.
"I don't know… but it will. I will help you for whatever you need… we'll all help you. This baby will – " Penny started, but Amy cut her off.
"This fetus… it won't happen." Amy said quietly, but with determination in her voice.
"What do you mean it won't happen?" Penny asked her confused.
"I mean…" Amy took a deep breath and continued. "There's not going to be a baby." She said with shaky voice.
"There is… we both just saw that there is." Penny was now confused, or better yet, didn't want to believe what Amy is trying to tell her.
"No. there isn't, because I'll get an abortion." Amy finally said and Penny was horrified.
"But…" Penny was still shocked. She knew better than to prevent Amy from getting an abortion, especially under those circumstances, but she thought that Amy didn't think it through and decided in an instant what she'll do.
"There's no but, Penny. This thing won't happened. Period." Amy said with a firm tone.
"Are you sure? you don't even want to think about it a – " Penny tried.
"There's nothing to think about. I can't do it. I won't do it." Amy said, wiping her tears away.
"Is it because you're afraid being a mother?" Penny tried.
"No." Amy said flatly.
"Then why?" Penny caressed her friend's hand.
Amy took a deep breath and let it out noisily.
"Because it's not Sheldon's. Because it wasn't conceived from love. I already don't love it. it makes me feel sick rather than happy. It's not something I wanted, but something that was forced on me. It might look like the man who raped me and I don't want a constant reminder of him. It's enough that he appears in my nightmares every single night. No, I won't do it." Amy said with a broken voice and Penny only nodded.
After Penny heard Amy's reasoning she could understand why Amy is choosing this path, and it made her think what she would do if she had to face a situation like this. When Penny thought about it she couldn't say for sure what her choice will be, but she could see herself considering abortion.
"How is that even possible, damn it?" Amy's voice cut Penny from her musing.
"I don't know…" Penny said and Amy grabbed her phone and started googling about pregnancies after taking the morning after pill.
It turns out that a woman can get pregnant after she took the morning after pill, if she took the pill after her ovulation. Meaning, if a woman took the morning after pill and she already ovulated, the pill won't prevent pregnancy.
Amy quickly checked the calendar and saw when she had her last period and did a quick math and the results were there; everything happened after she ovulated. She took the pills after she ovulated.
A wave of nausea flooded Amy suddenly and she ran to the bathroom and Penny ran after her, but before Penny had a chance to enter there, Amy closed the door and Penny stayed outside, listening to her friend throwing up.
Penny sat on the floor, leaning her head against the wall and tears started to stream down her face. She couldn't begin to fathom how Amy must feel; having a baby… no… a fetus, that wasn't from the man she loves, that the entire act and pregnancy were literally forced on her. that everything about this was forced on her, and the chance of experiencing all those first times with Sheldon; the man she loves, and experiencing it in a happy and a loving way, were taken away from her in such a brutal way… Penny wanted to find that man who hurt her friend this way and beat him up.
It's been fifteen minutes since Amy entered the bathroom. She stopped throwing up, but she was now sitting in a fetus position next to the toilet and silently crying. Penny, who was still outside started to get worried and knocked on the door.
"Amy… can I come in?" Penny asked softly and when Amy didn't answer her, Penny slowly opened the door and found Amy sitting next to the toilet with her arms hugging her knees, crying.
Penny quickly went to sit next to her friend on the floor and gently, put her arm on Amy's back.
"Sweetie…" she said in a soft tone and rubbed her back gently.
They sat there in silence, Amy still crying quietly, for another ten minutes.
"What am I going to tell Sheldon? How am I going to tell him that? How will he react?" Amy asked Penny brokenly.
Penny only sighed. She didn't have an answer. She didn't know how Sheldon would react. he was so caring and attentive towards Amy in the last month and a half, but she had no idea how Sheldon would react to the fact that what happened to Amy has led to an unwanted pregnancy and that on top of it all Amy was going to get an abortion.
"I don't know, sweetie. I don't know." Penny said with the same broken voice.
"But if you'd want and if it will make you feel better, than I'll be there if and when you'll tell him." Penny said with a sad smile and tried to capture Amy's look.
"Thanks." Amy said as she looked at her from behind her wet glasses.
"Come on. You need to get some rest. You can take what you need from Sheldon's room and sleep in my apartment." Penny said as she rose from the floor and offered Amy her hand to help her get up from the floor.
"It's okay. I'll sleep in Sheldon's room. I sleep better there. I got used to it." Amy said as she took Penny's hand and got up from the floor.
"Are you sure? Sheldon will be home soon and I don't want him to get worried." Penny said.
"He'll get more worried if I'd sleep in your apartment rather than his room." Amy countered and they both knew that she was right. Sheldon didn't leave Amy's side since Amy told him what happened.
"Okay." Penny said and rose her hands in surrender.
The two women left the bathroom and Amy went to Sheldon's room and changed to her nightgown, took off her glasses and took off the pin in her hair and went under the covers and fell asleep immediately. Amy didn't even realize how exhausted she was because of the latest discovery until she put her head on the pillow. The moment she closed her eyes she fell asleep.
Penny went back to the living room and put on a movie. she didn't want to leave Amy alone after that discovery. She tried not to think about it and not worrying herself regarding Sheldon's reaction, but she couldn't help herself, and that was all she could think about and she didn't even pay attention to the movie.
Twenty minutes after Amy went to rest a little, Leonard and Sheldon were back from work with Chinese food.
"Hey. We brought Chinese food." Leonard said when he entered the apartment and saw Penny sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the air.
"I don't think you have to declare that. she already knows we were going to bring Chinese food. You asked her what she wanted for dinner." Sheldon said as he put some of the bags on the table and Leonard only rolled his eyes.
"Where's Amy?" Leonard asked Penny instead, but she didn't answer him and Sheldon looked around when he saw that his girlfriend is not in the room. He started to get worried because he knew that Amy was already with Penny, waiting for them to bring dinner and eat it together.
"Penny… Penny?" Leonard asked her with a raised eyebrow as he sat next to her.
"Hmm… Oh you're back. Good, you brought dinner." Penny said absentmindedly and grabbed her box and opened it and started to eat it slowly.
"Penny. Where's Amy?" Leonard repeated his question and Sheldon looked at her nervously.
"Oh… um… she's in Sheldon's room. She got tired so she went to rest for a while." Penny said and with that Sheldon practically ran to his room.
The door to Sheldon's room was closed, so he gently opened it and entered to his room quietly and closed the door behind him. Amy was lying under his covers and she mumbled something that sounded like 'no' in her sleep.
Once Sheldon heard that, he took off his messenger bag, shoes and windbreaker as quickly and quietly as he could and gently entered his bed next to Amy. He gently put his arm around her a thing that alarmed her a little and increased her fighting.
"Shh… it's okay. It's me... Sheldon. You're safe. It's okay." Sheldon whispered and caressed her hip with his thumb, but for some reason Amy kept fighting and pushing him away.
"No… I don't want this…" Amy mumbled in her sleep and Sheldon sat up in bed and tried to stroke her hair, but Amy kept on fighting.
"No… No… No!" Amy finally screamed, and that was what woke her up. She looked at her surrounding and then saw Sheldon's scared look and she burst in tears and laid her head on his chest.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Amy cried but Sheldon only wrapped his arms around her and tried to calm her down.
"It's okay. everything's okay. I'm here." Sheldon whispered and kissed the top of Amy's head.
Outside in the living room, Leonard and Penny heard Amy's scream and Leonard was up to go to see what happened but Penny stopped him.
"I'll go." Penny said and went to see what's going on.
Amy and Sheldon were sitting on his bed, hugging each other when there was a small knock on the door.
"Who is it?" Sheldon asked.
"It's Penny. Can I come in?" She asked softly and Sheldon looked at Amy who nodded 'yes'.
"Come in." He said and Penny opened the door and closed it once she was in Sheldon's room.
"Hey… are you okay?" She asked them both, but referred her question to Amy more than to Sheldon.
"Yeah. Just had a nightmare." Amy answered quietly as she wiped her tears away.
"Can I sit?" Penny asked Sheldon as she motioned to the edge of his bed. Normally, he would refuse, but these were different circumstances so he gave her a short nod, not letting go of Amy.
"Amy… it's been a month and half and you still have those nightmares. Why won't you try and go see someone? I know you think that psychology and psychiatry are mumbo-jumbo, but you need to take care of this. You deserve better than to wake up in the middle of the night or nap because of this." Penny said softly.
Penny and Leonard slept in 4A more than once when Amy was sleeping there, and they heard Amy waking up screaming when she was sleeping in Sheldon's room. Leonard was starting to get more worried and Penny was having more and more difficulties in keeping what happened to Amy as a secret.
"I don't know… it's getting a little better." Amy said, thinking that it's getting better because of all the times she slept well when Sheldon was with her, but she was actually forgetting, or didn't want to remember, that all those times she slept well while Sheldon was with her were after she woke up from the same nightmare and Sheldon calmed her down.
"I think that Penny is right." Sheldon said softly and both Penny and Amy looked at him with shock.
"You do?" They asked him together.
"I do. I think you deserve to sleep through the night without those images haunting you at night. You wake up pretty much every night. I love that I can be there for you, don't get me wrong, but it hurts me to see you like this. You have to take care of yourself, Amy." Sheldon pleaded his girlfriend.
"You really think it'll help?" Amy asked him softly.
"It's worth a try. I'll even come with you if you're too scared to talk about it with a stranger." Sheldon said as he tightened his grip on her, and Penny smiled a small smile to herself. She was amazed at how much Sheldon cared for Amy and that he was willing to go with her to therapy so she'd feel more comfortable and safer.
"You'd do that for me?" Amy was now crying from a whole other reason.
"Yes." Sheldon simply said and gently kissed her on her forehead.
"Are you all better now? Penny said you had to rest a little when we came back home." Sheldon asked her softly and Amy and Penny exchanged looks.
"Um… I don't know." Amy said and put her hand on her abdomen. She felt the nausea flooding her all over again.
"Is everything alright? Did you get the results of your tests?" Sheldon asked, with a little panic in his tone and once again Penny and Amy exchanged looks.
"What? What is it? What's going on?" Sheldon looked at the women.
"Do you want me to leave you two alone?" Penny asked and Amy shook her head 'no'.
"I… I need you to stay here." She told Penny.
"Are you sure this is the right time?" Penny asked, a little nervous herself.
"What is it?" Sheldon pressured and Amy only nodded at Penny in response to her question.
She took a deep breath and before she started to talk there was a knock on Sheldon's door.
"It's Leonard. Is everything okay? are you coming to eat?" he asked quietly.
"We'll be out soon." Sheldon said in the direction of the door, and looked back at Amy once he finished his sentence.
"Do you need anything?" Leonard asked again. He didn't want to be a pain in the ass, but he was pretty worried about Amy lately.
"We're good sweetie. Just leave us alone." Penny said, trying not to get annoyed with her fiancé.
Once they heard Leonard going back to the living room Sheldon looked back at Amy who was now looking at the comforter.
Sheldon let go of Amy a little and put one of his hands on her legs and one arm on her back.
"Amy… you're scaring me. what did your results say?" Sheldon asked her softly.
"Well… um… the good news is that I don't have any STDs. I don't have HIV… nothing of this sort." Amy said and took a deep breath and sighed before she continued.
"That's great… but you don't seem happy." Sheldon noticed and Amy just started to cry again.
"What is it?" Sheldon asked her again, more terrified.
"I… I'm pregnant. That son of a bitch got me pregnant." Amy cried into Sheldon's shirt and Sheldon went pale.
He didn't know what to do… what to say… he couldn't believe this is happening. Everything is happening too fast. He can't raise a kid. Or can he? He'll do it for Amy, he promised he'll be a better man for her, and he will, but all these changes are happening too fast.
"Hey… it'll be okay…" Sheldon calmed her down.
"It'll be alright. I know it's not the ideal way, but I'll raise that baby with you and – " and at that Amy cut him off.
"No, you won't." Amy said in a firm voice.
"What do you mean I won't? are you leaving me?" Sheldon asked with horror in his voice. after everything he's done for her, after promising to help her raise that child, that wasn't even his, she's going to leave him?!
"Penny, would you leave us alone?" Amy asked and Penny quickly rose from her spot on the bed and left the two alone.
"I can't believe you're going to leave me." Sheldon said as he rose from his bed and went to rummage through his comic books.
"I'm not leaving you." Amy rose and went to Sheldon and put her hands on his hips, so he'd turn to face her.
"Then why are you saying that I won't be raising this baby with you?" Sheldon asked confused as he turned and faced her.
"Because…" Amy took another deep breath and let it out noisily.
"No one will raise it. not me… not you… not anyone." She said with a broken voice.
"What do you – " Sheldon started to ask, but Amy cut him off once again.
"I'm going to get an abortion, Sheldon." Amy said with a stern voice.
"But… Why?" Sheldon was still confused and Amy grabbed him by the hand and went to the bed where they sat more comfortably.
"Sheldon… I can't have this… this… fetus. I won't have it." Amy said softly, yet sternly and Sheldon only looked at her confused.
"It's… it wasn't conceived from love… it was forced on me and I already don't want it. I don't want to have a reminder of… of him… of what happened... of what he did to me, for the rest of my life… I won't. those nightmares are enough, and I remember everything too well. I don't need this fetus to be another reminder of what happened. On top of it all, it's not yours." Amy said brokenly.
"But… what about adoption?" Sheldon tried.
"No. no adoption… nothing. I don't want it, period. I'll have this abortion with your support or without it, but I will have it." Amy said with more confident than she felt.
"Okay." Sheldon said simply.
"Okay." Amy said and Sheldon hugged her once more.
"Tell me when your appointments are and I'll come with you." Sheldon said after they sat hugged on his bed in silence, for fifteen minutes.
Amy looked at him with glistening eyes.
"Thank you." She whispered brokenly and Sheldon kissed the top of her head.
A/N:
Thank you again for keeping up with my stories. I really appreciate it. once again, I have no intentions of offending or disparage anyone with this story or with my next sentence, but as you've noticed this story is already is a little OOC, and when I wrote this chapter I put myself in Amy's shoes and also combined what I think I would have done, and this is why I came up with abortion and the reasons behind Amy's decision to have an abortion.
Once again, I'm sorry if I offended someone, it was never my intention. I respect each and every decision people make in their lives when having to face with those kinds of situations.