A/N: Hello readers. Here's the next chapter.

THANKS to my wonderful beta EdwardsFirstKiss for her editing and suggestions.

Twilight belongs to SM; Kristie is the proud owner of FY.

Happy reading!

CHAPTER 5

BELLA

December 21, 2016

I made my way to my car as I finished for the day. The ground was covered in snow and the weather was getting very cold. I pulled my coat more tightly around myself, walking through the almost deserted parking lot. It was only four in the afternoon but there wasn't much for me to do in the office. So I'd decided to leave the work earlier than usual. The meeting had gone surprisingly well, without me having any panic attacks. Well, who was I kidding? I was a mess inside, but now, I have to maintain my facade. We have a six-month plan on our hands for this project. Jasper had some brilliant ideas up his sleeve. I would be going to Seventh Street on January 2nd with Jazz, Em and maybe the girls, too. I still wasn't sure if I had made the right choice and how I was going to have to face it. I had pushed it into the back of my mind for now and would not consider it until its utmost necessary. We were not supposed to return to work until January 5th being it's the holidays. I don't know whether to be happy or sad about this as I had spent the past two Christmases and New Year's alone in my apartment. I sighed as I reached my car; a white Mercedes. I don't know much about cars and had bought it on Alice's insistence almost three years ago. I unlocked the door, got in and started the car. The engine purred as I drove past the snow covered streets of Rochester.

I reached my apartment and went to my room to change clothes after turning on the heat. I wasn't hungry, so I decided to work on the outlines of our current project. I was so immersed in work that I almost didn't hear the knock on the front door. I looked up at the clock and saw that it was just after eight. Wondering who might be here at this time of the night, I stood up to open the door.

"Surprise!" cheered Alice. Ali, Jazz, Em and Rose - all were standing grinning at me through my door.

"What are you guys doing here?" I looked at them gobsmacked.

"Well clear the way ma'am and let us in." Jazz demanded, already pushing past me with boxes of, I guess, pizzas in his hands.

"But why are you here this late?" I asked closing the door and walking behind them.

"Oh we're sorry - Were you sleeping old lady?" Rose countered raising an eyebrow at me. I just rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

"Come on Bellie piiee, don't ruin the fun." I scowled at Em's frustrating moniker, reserved especially for me, as he pouted.

"Ok. Ok. But what's the occasion?" I asked, finally looking at them solemnly.

"Listen sweetie, we just wanted to celebrate the commencement of your new project. We all know how hard it has been for you and we can't even come close to describe how proud of you, we are." Ali said sincerely. Tears burned my eyes, but I blinked them back and just offered her a timid smile.

"Ok. Let me just get a bottle of red wine." I announced, starting towards it.

"Boo hoo Bellie Bear. We are not having that today," bellowed Em holding two bottles of Jack Daniels. My eyes widened, but I gave up fighting, seeing the evil gleam they all had in their eyes.

"Well I guess I am in as long as you stop calling me that nonsense, Em." He just laughed goofily as I scowled at him, yet again.

We ended up in my small living room, eating pizza and drinking, chatting about everything and nothing. It was the best time I had had in over two years, the last being my engagement. I stopped myself at that thought and focused on the people in front of me. Alice and Jasper were sprawled on the loveseat, with Alice under Jasper's arm. Rose was sitting on the couch beside me, her hands buried deep in Em's hair, who was sitting on the floor between her legs. They were all beautiful souls and deserved each other. Alice has spiky black hair with hazel eyes and a bubbly personality. She's short in height with beautiful fairy skin tone. Rosalie has dark blonde hair, complimenting her blue eyes and a figure that was unusually hot for a lawyer. Jasper has similar hair color like his sister but his eyes were a shade lighter than hers. He has a charming personality that compliments his wife's. Em's the boy in a man's body.. He's burly and muscular with curly black hair that sets off his grey eyes. We're all thick as thieves and had bonded well over the past few years, we have known each other. They have all supported me over this time by being my rock and have tried hard to break down my walls. I feel guilty thinking how I had excluded them from my life during that dark period. However, I thanked the higher powers that be for them every day because without them. I would have been nothing but a shell of myself. Huh, like you still aren't! My subconscious taunted. Well you know what I mean, I argued frustrated. Yeah, say whatever will make you sleep at night. Inner me rolled her eyes.

"So will you come?" Rose interrupted the verbal lashings I was about to give to Inner me.

"I am sorry what?" I turned towards her slightly.

"I asked, will you come and join us on Christmas Eve? We are going to my uncle's inn to celebrate Christmas and New Year's. I want to plan my wedding which is in February, so we can discuss things and then we can leave on January 2nd for Seventh Street."

"I.. I think I can join you guys on the 2nd itself. You know with all the work I have to do..."

Rosalie cut me off mid-sentence, "Don't do this Bella. I would really like you to help me plan everything, with you and Ali being my bridesmaids and all. I know you are stalling so you can drown yourself in your grief. We know why you haven't celebrated Christmas and New Year's these past two years because it's that time of the year when you just feel comatose. But it's not the end Bella..."

"Rose. Please.." Ali tried to reason with her as I sat frozen at her words. By now everyone was on their feet, except me, standing in my small living room.

"No Ali. She needs to listen." Rose said, appearing furious. "Two years Bella. Two god damn years, we have waited for you each and every day to come out of this funk you have been in. Seeing you in the bar that day we were all ecstatic. That finally you had decided to move on. You are family Bella. We are all a family." She came to stand in front of me, her eyes softening infinitesimally and put her hands on my shoulders. "What happened with Edw... him," she corrected as I flinched, "can't be changed. You can't wince every time someone mentions his name. You have to move on B. MOVE THE FUCK ON," she emphasised. "You are still wearing his ring on your finger but you know that will not change anything. He is not coming back B. He has gone. Vanished. Disappeared from this planet. You yourself were there when that happened. We, your friends are who you are left with. There are people out there who have no one to care for them. But you have us and I'm sorry to say this, but you are taking us for granted. We care about you Bella. You can't push us away. I want you with me in every aspect of my wedding. This may seem selfish to say and maybe you will hate me for what I said today but Bella, you are my sister. Not in blood but in soul. I haven't known you as long as Ali but I respect and love you. That's why I can't see you rotting away here day after day." She said as tears start falling from her eyes.

There was a haunting silence in the room. My heart was in my throat with the guilt I feel towards them. "I am sorry." I whispered as everybody looked at me with solemn and sympathetic eyes. "I didn't know I was doing this to you guys..."

"Bella. No sweetie it's not your fault..."

"I know Ali." I interrupted her "But Rose is right. I can't keep dwelling on my past. I will come with you guys. And I could never hate you Rose. Not a single one of you. I can't even bring myself to hate him for leaving me and breaking all of his promises." My breath hitched mentioning him while they all looked at me with love and concern. I stood, my legs shaking as I faced a teary Rose. Beautiful Rosalie. She shouldn't have tears in her eyes ever. None of them should. Tears are meant for the cursed ones like me. I took a deep breath, looking into her eyes. "But I can't part with his ring, Rose. Becau.." I hiccupped "Because... it is the only symbol of our love I have left; the only proof that he isn't a figment of my imagination. I had sold our apartment, donated his clothes and returned the car and his other belongings to his mother. I had even given his mother the gifts he had given me to do whatever she thinks would be best. I don't know if it makes me a bad person to just throw away our love like that but... I.. I can't just throw his ring away guys. It's the only thing he had left for me. To feel him near me. And.. and I needed that to continue my life. I..I..." And that's when for the first time in two years my walls crumbled in front of my friends and my mask of calmness fell away. I sobbed hysterically, unable to complete my sentence, as I dropped to the floor. Ali and Rose followed suit, grabbing me in their arms while they cried with me. I hadn't shed a tear in front of them since the day he had left us. I adamantly refused to think the word 'died' as it makes this real all over again. Even Jazz and Em have tears in their eyes as they sat beside us on the floor. The calm Jasper. The boisterous Em. The fierce feline-like Rose and the chirpy Ali. Seeing all of these strong people on their knees around me brought another round of sobs.

That evening for the first time in two years, they all mourned for the loss of a dear friend, clinging to each other while I mourned for the only happiness I had felt in my life which had been brutally ripped apart from me. Oh, how can I ever get over such a beautiful thing I once had with him? How I longed to be wrapped in his arms again. For him to tell me everything will be alright. To tell me he's here forever for me. Forever mine. Forever Yours, he had said. But now he's gone. I'm only left with his memories, always ripping my chest apart. Gone was the man I loved more than my life.

My life, my love, my soul.

My Edward.

How was it? Good, bad, no comments? Too much angst? I guess everyone has figured out by now, where Edward is. Don't hate me after this. Trust me, all will be clear in good time. And I love Edward too much... Just saying ;)

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-K