Chapter Eight: Crisis of Faith
Playtime was over. Now it was time to finish the job.
Azula stood with new confidence before her Dai Li. Her arms were crossed, and she looked at them with a new discipline. "The Earth King and the council of five do not trust the Dai Li. It is now only a matter of time before they hunt you down. Your only chance is to act now.
"We will act now." She walked down and neared one she knew to be a dissenter. She had spent a week's worth of loops rooting out all potential problems. She had given everyone just the right mission that they would not question it. Finding every problem and straightening it out. "And if I sense even the smallest fraction of dissent, I will hunt it down. And destroy it.
"Our actions today will ready the way for our victory. Go."
She turned away and they left. There would be no mistakes this time. Ty Lee approached. "Um, Azula, that was a really cool speech. It was inspiring, but also scary in a good way."
"What I want to know is why you've had them dispatched to the city." said Mai. "What are you trying to achieve?"
Azula smiled. "Nothing." She wanted to leave them in suspense.
"Nothing? What about the coup?" asked Mai.
Azula began to walk away. "There is no point. It will just be undone. But this... nothing will be able to stop it this time. I've already done this many times, Mai. I know which Dai Li agents will accept which tasks. I know the bare minimum necessary to remove the Earth King's generals.
"I know it all. And I've taken it into account.
"Now come on. The shows about to start."
"Show? What show?" asked Ty Lee.
Azula picked a terrace in the Earth King's palace. It overlooked the entire city so that one could see all the way to the inner wall. "This is the best place is the entire city to watch it from. I've accounted for everything. Every location. Every reassignment. Every... spark..."
And then flames arose in various parts of the city. Small at first, but they spread quickly. She had planned it well.
"A fire." said Mai.
"One of many." said Azula, smile widening. Then she laughed. "Yes! Yes they are coming! Burn! BURN!"
"Azula, what did you do?" asked Ty Lee.
"Set fire to Ba Sing Se." said Azula, glancing back. Why were they getting so worked up about this?
The flames were spreading wholesale now, consuming everything. Screams echoed from the city. Some of them were from children. Azula shifted beneath their gaze. "Several dozen times." How many was hard to count. She couldn't record it.
"But why? Why are you doing this?" asked Ty Lee.
"Because I can't get out of the city. But soon, there will not be a city!" laughed Azula. "Then, at last, it will end!"
"Azula!" cried a voice.
Azula sidestepped a wave of water. Raising a hand without looking, she fired a lightning bolt. She heard a scream as she blasted the water peasant through the heart. This was the fifth time she'd done this part, she'd memorized the exact movements her enemy would make. "Oh right, the water peasant."
"Azula, what about all the people?" asked Ty Lee.
"What do they matter?!" asked Azula. "The flames will rise! Higher and higher!"
And then, as the light faded, there was that familiar flash. Azula looked up to see a sphere of wind. And within it was a figure with shining blue eyes.
"Is that... the Avatar." asked Mai.
"Don't worry, Mai. I've already accounted for him." said Azula. Even as the Avatar began to summon water, he choked and fell to earth. "That Avatar state is quite a nuisance. But even it has its limits."
"What limits, what are you talking about?" asked Mai.
"I knew that he'd make an entrance in that exact spot." said Azula. "So I had the Dai Li set off fires that burned a powerful form of poisonous gas. Even as he entered the Avatar state, he inhaled the gas. Now he is dying.
"Forever.
"Of course, last time Zuzu and Iroh interfered. Last time their skill with fire let them put it out. Fortunately, I arranged for them to be safely imprisoned."
"Azula, this is crazy!" cried Ty Lee. "We can't... this will kill everyone!"
"Possibly. But it doesn't matter." said Azula. "Nothing matters!" She turned to look in joy as the inferno blazed without relent. "BA SING SE IS ASHES! THE WALL IS CRUMBLING! ALL WHO WOULD DARE OPPOSE BE ARE CONSUMED IN THE ETERNAL FLAME OF MY WRATH!"
"Come on Mai, we've got to see if we can help someone." said Ty Lee.
And then left.
Azula sighed and leaned against the railing. They had left her. They'd gone to school with her, and now they left her. It didn't matter though. Ba Sing Se was burning, and soon there would be nothing left.
Even so, as she watched the inferno continued, she reflected the fun had gone out of it. And she realized that whenever she got this extreme, Mai and Ty Lee lost their nerve. "...Spoilsports."
At least the day was finally over.
Azula awoke on cushions of the finest silk and felt the rays of the sun on her face. Ba Sing Se was still here. She was still here.
"So it didn't end, did it?" asked Azula. "No matter. I'll... I'll..." She'd conquered Ba Sing Se. She'd destroyed it. She'd tortured her hated enemies to death. "I'm staying in bed."
She lay there, staring up at the ceiling. Eventually, Ty Lee opened the door and slipped it. She shook her. "Hey, Azula. Azula, wake up sleepyhead. You've got to try these sausages. They're the best."
"I don't care." said Azula.
'What?" said Ty Lee. "What do you mean? Azula, is something wrong?"
Azula turned over in her bed. "Go away. The coup is canceled."
Ty Lee left. Azula lay in bed until darkness took her.
Azula awoke on cushions of the finest silk and felt the rays of the sun on her face.
"Not again." she said.
She was still in Ba Sing Se. And there was nothing she could do about it.
"Hey, Azula. Azula, wake up sleepyhead." said Ty Lee, right on schedule. "You've got to try these sausages. They're the best."
Azula said nothing.
"Azula? Azula is something wrong?" asked Ty Lee.
"Leave me alone." said Azula.
She wanted to sleep. And never wake up.
Azula awoke on cushions of the finest silk and felt the rays of the sun on her face. This wasn't fair! She'd done everything she'd wanted to do! They couldn't do this! They couldn't treat her like Zuko!
"Hey, Azula. Azula, wake up sleepyhead. You've got to try these sausages." said Ty Lee. "They're the-"
"I don't want any!" cried Azula. "Now go away!"
Ty Lee left.
Azula wasn't leaving. She was just going to stay in bed. There was nothing worth doing out there anyway.
Azula awoke on cushions of the finest silk and felt the rays of the sun on her face.
Azula awoke on cushions of the finest silk and felt the rays of the sun on her face.
Azula awoke on cushions of the finest silk and felt the rays of the sun on her face.
Azula awoke on cushions of the finest silk and felt the rays of the sun on her face.
And she realized she couldn't do this anymore. She had to find something to do if only to fill the time. No matter how many times she stayed in bed she would always wake up here again.
Nothing was ever different.
"Hey, Azula. Azula wake up sleepyhead." said Ty Lee. "You've got to try these sausages. They're the best."
Azula sat up. "I know."
It didn't matter how many times she answered. Ty Lee would always say the same thing every morning. Azula wondered if she was going to get tired of her friends eventually? Would Mai and Ty Lee just become puppets on strings to her? Inanimate objects?
She realized that she did think of them as friends. They were... valuable to her. And she didn't want to lose them. Not yet.
"Azula, is something wrong?" asked Ty Lee.
"Nothing ever changes." said Azula. "Every day is exactly the same as the last day. No matter what I do I wake up here in this bed. On this day."
"Um, Azula, I'm not really very good at philosophy." said Ty Lee. "But you're aura is looking really bleak right now. Maybe you should talk to someone."
Azula needed to get out of here. She had to take a break from these two or they might just become marionettes to her. She dressed, did her hair, and walked out. "Mai, take care of the coup. I'm going to a tea shop."
"Don't you want us to-" began Ty Lee.
"I don't need you for this." said Azula, voice harsher than she'd meant.
And she left.
She didn't find the tea shop at once. She'd forgotten where it was. On reflex, she'd ended up wandering in the slums. It didn't matter. Even if she was killed by a thug, the dishonor would disappear.
Azula realized she'd never died by having her throat slit before. She wondered what it was like.
"Excuse me, could you spare a few coins?" said an old man.
The same old man she'd run into before all those loops before. Last time she'd pushed him down. Mocked him. So why was she checking for any coins on her?
She just didn't have the energy to sneer anymore.
"...I don't have anything on me." said Azula. "Go away."
It took a while to find Uncle's tea shop. She wasn't sure why she was coming here. She vaguely remembered that he'd always had pseudo-profound things to say. She'd never thought much of them. Father had always said he was a failure.
But nothing Father had taught her was helping. And she had no idea what to do.
She found it and walked in. At once she was greeted by Zuzu. He was smiling and wasn't that an unnatural expression. "Hello, welcome to the Jasmine Dragon, how can I-" He froze. "Azula?"
Azula slumped. "...Hello Lee. Can I speak to you for a moment? I'd hate to have to go to the guards about my problem." A threat was probably necessary here. But she wasn't feeling up to it.
Zuko moved over to uncle at once. "Uncle, this girl wishes to speak to me. Do you mind if I take my break early."
Uncle eyed her. Wait, why had she wanted to talk to Zuko? Well, he'd always liked Uncle. So maybe she could get Uncle's perspective without having to talk to the doddering old fool. "...Of course, nephew." said Uncle.
And that was how Zuko and Azula ended up sitting across from each other at a table in the Jasmine Dragon. Azula tried to regain her usual composure, but there was no point. Tomorrow it would all be washed away.
"So, you seem to enjoy working in a tea shop." said Azula. "I haven't seen you smile like that since Mother left."
It was apparently the wrong thing to say. Azula had never been good at talking to people. Only commanding. Zuko became guarded. "What do you want, Azula?"
"Well, I was going to talk to uncle. But even I'm not desperate enough to hear his speeches on life, the universe, and everything." said Azula, regaining some composure.
"Get to the point." said Zuko. "What do you want me to do?"
Azula felt irritation that he automatically assumed she wanted something. Granted, she had threatened him. A lot. And she hadn't ever actually had his best interests at heart, but she had planned to keep him around. If only to have someone to make her look good by comparison.
Father might have wanted him thrown in prison, but Father wasn't going to live forever. Azula meant to make sure of the fact. But what was it she wanted? "For now? Just listen."
"Fine." said Zuko. "I'm listening."
Azula shifted. How to explain things? "I am a god."
Zuko stared at her. "Do you seriously believe that propaganda-"
"No, I don't mean I'm a god in the sense that my family is Agni Incarnate." said Azula. "That's just propaganda. I mean that I. Am. A. God.
"I cannot be killed. No wound that rends my flesh will remain the next day. For the next day never comes. I've hung myself. I've electrocuted myself. I've been stabbed to death, crushed by earthbenders, and consumed in the flames of a burning city.
"And every day I wake up in the Earth King's palace and have Ty Lee urge me to eat the same damn breakfast.
"I am eternal." She spread her arms.
Zuko gave her a flat, unimpressed look. "You aren't a god, Azula. Trust me."
"How do you know, Zuko?" asked Azula.
"What?" said Zuko.
"How do you know I'm not a god?" asked Azula.
Zuko considered the question seriously. "Because you're a horrible person."
That... actually hurt.
"You used to burn turtleducks when we were kids." said Zuko. "You told me that Father was going to kill me." Azula hadn't lied about that, but he'd never believed her. "You've been lying to me my entire life. You surrendered and then when Uncle let down his guard you shot him with lightning.
"Gods are supposed to be wise. And nobody wise could ever be as petty, vindictive and sadistic as you."
And he got up to leave. That was where it ended for that loop. He walked over to speak with that same girl Azula had seen before.
Azula sighed and began to take notes.
"...Gods are supposed to be wise." Zuko said again. "And nobody wise could ever be as petty, vindictive and sadistic as you."
Azula stood up and rushed over to the girl from before. "...Jin!"
"What?" said Zuko.
Azula stepped next to the girl and put a hand on her shoulder. "This is Jin, her parents moved to Ba Sing Se when she was very young. Your Uncle offered her a job at the Jasmine Dragon and she moved to this district.
"She's lived here her entire life. You are currently dating her, and more than anything else she wants to see outside the walls of Ba Sing Se."
"Well, uh, yes that's true. But have we met-" began Jin.
Azula had done more research. She moved over to another person, one of a group of friends drinking together. "This is Kiya. She hates tea, but she doesn't want to say so to her friend."
"Well, yes but-" began the girl.
"And this is her friend Ora." said Azula. "She likes tea. But she also wanted to see the cute barista who lives here. She thinks the scar on your face adds a dark charm."
"Um, well that's true but..."
Azula walked toward Zuko, who still looked unimpressed. "You could have learned all that by listening to their conversations."
She had.
So she did some more research, more in depth.
She moved over to another patron. "This is Than. He's recently gotten work as a courier which allows him to go between districts. He has a wife named Ying, and an infant daughter named Hope. They moved here to Ba Sing Se and would never have made it without the help of the Avatar and his friends."
"Well, yes, that's all true." said the man.
"His favorite kind of tea is today's special." said Azula. "White dragon tea. Uncle made the decision to put the tea kind on a whim this morning. Can you remember any time I looked at your menu, Zuzu? Because I just got here five minutes ago."
"How are you doing this?" asked Zuko.
"I told you. I'm reliving the same day over and over again." said Azula. "I just asked the right questions yesterday, everything reset, and I came back.
"I know everything. And if I don't I will.
"In about five seconds that damn water peasant is going to show up and blow your cover. Five. Four. Three. Two. One."
On cue, Katara showed up, got a look at Zuko's face, gasped and ran off. She probably thought she had been subtle.
"There she goes again." said Azula.
"What did-" began Zuko.
"What does it matter? Can we please focus on me?" asked Azula.
"This isn't about you." hissed Zuko. "Uncle has worked hard to build this up from scratch. Now she's going to ruin everything."
"Lee is something wrong." asked Jin, coming up next to him.
"Oh nothing to worry about." said Azula. "You see Lee is actually Prince Zuko in exile, having fled to Ba Sing Se from the Fire Nation. That girl was one of his enemies, who is probably going to get the Dai Li. But it won't matter because nothing we do has even the slightest significance."
"Nephew, this is disturbing our customers." said Uncle. "I suggest you go back to your rounds. I will handle this."
"But what about-" began Zuko.
Uncle put a hand on his shoulder. "Peace nephew. This poor girl is confused. And as for that distressed young water tribesman, I'm sure she merely mistook you for someone else. We are but humble teamakers, after all."
Zuko hesitated. "...I understand."
Azula was pulled to one side. So she ended up having to talk to Uncle, after all. "What do you want, uncle?"
"I believe you are here because you are trying to answer that question for yourself." noted Uncle.
"I know exactly what I want." said Azula.
"Then why are you here?" asked Iroh.
Azula remained silent. "I won, uncle. I killed you. I killed the Avatar. I killed everyone who could oppose me. I burned this city to the ground. And then is... reset. No matter how many times I win, everything goes back to the way it was?
"...What do I do?"
Iroh remained silent. "I do not pretend to understand what it is that has driven you to this point, Azula. Perhaps what has happened to you is in your mind. Or perhaps the spirits have taken a hand in your destiny.
"However, it is obvious that you believe you have achieved what you wanted. Several times. And it has not satisfied you."
Azula shifted. "Well... no. But only because it was reset."
"Do you look back at the memory of those things you believe you did?" asked Iroh "When you remember those days, do you treasure them? Or is it merely one more inferno? You must look inward to truly understand the world."
They meant nothing to her.
All her victories meant nothing to her. They were a mere expression of power. And she had none. "...Be quiet."
"I do not think what you have been doing has brought you, peace, Azula." said Iroh.
"So what am I supposed to do?" asked Azula.
Iroh considered it. "Have you considered attempting to help others?"
Her help others? Others were supposed to help her! "No. And I'm not going to."
Iroh shifted. "...Yes, I suppose that is asking much. Perhaps you should get a hobby instead."
"A hobby?" asked Azula.
"When ordinary people find themselves with a great deal of time, they learn a skill they don't need." said Iroh. "Perhaps painting, or writing, or tea making. It takes a great deal of time and can lead to far more satisfaction than a hundred victories.
"Consider it.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a tea shop to run."
Azula left without a word after that.
Azula awoke on cushions of the finest silk and felt the rays of the sun on her face. She was still here. Still in Ba Sing Se. But she had plenty of time to find a solution.
And now she had a rare opportunity. Azula had an infinite amount of time to learn new skills. And she was going to make use of it.
She got out of bed and left the room. "Good morning." she said to Ty Lee and Mai.
"Oh Azula, um, you don't usually say good morning." said Ty Lee.
"I thought I might try a change of pace." said Azula, walking to the window.
She looked out of it, across the palace grounds. And smiled.
"Is something wrong?" asked Ty Lee.
"No, nothing is wrong." said Azula. "I've got all the time in the world to figure this out."
"So um, what's the plan?" asked Mai.
"I was just remembering my lessons back in the palace." said Azula. "Father always had me practice my firebending. I remember Zuzu was always very good at playing instruments. I never learned them though, I thought they were stupid.
"I think I'm going to beat him at his own game."
Author's Note:
Sorry, I didn't mean to take so long to post this. I had some trouble figuring out how to do this chapter. Having Azula have any kind of moral revelation is difficult. The only credible way I could do it was a partial thing.
To be honest, I'm somewhat conflicted about Zuko ripping Azula to shreds here. After all, Zuko always demonstrated a desire to reconcile with Azula, even in season two. Still, I decided that the fact that Azula is much less threatening, combined with the fact that there is no fear of reprisal, would create a circumstance where Zuko would be willing to tell her off.