Chapter Eighteen: Hunger
Azula awoke on cushions of the finest silk and felt the rays of the sun on her face. At once she got dressed and began to think. How was she supposed to deal with poverty? She'd never given any thought to the matter before, aside from sneering at beggers.
Who did she know who understood what it meant to be poor?
Zuko, obviously. She'd got to meet him.
"Azula, you're awake. You've got to try this breakfast. They have the best-"
"Not now Ty Lee, I'm busy!" said Azula as she rushed out the door.
Once again Azula went to the Jasmine Dragon. Once again she disarmed suspicions. She and Zuko went to a table and he eyed her. It seemed that even if he felt like he trusted her, mentally he knew he shouldn't.
So he didn't.
So much the better, it meant things wouldn't change.
"What do you want, Azula?" he asked.
Azula considered how best to ask what she needed to ask. "What was it like, Zuko?" she said abruptly. Why was she awkward about this? She was never awkward.
"What was what like?" asked Zuko.
"Living in poverty." said Azula. "I'm hoping to do something about the Earth Kingdoms issues. When I take the place over, I mean. And I thought I'd ask for your experiences?"
Zuko raised an eyebrow. Then he crossed his arms and looked down thoughtfully. "…You have to survive. Your whole focus is on where you are going to get your next meal to eat. If you beg, people insult and spit on you. Your nothing to them when you beg, and I don't care what uncle says. Less than nothing.
"Thugs will make you dance for a few coins. And you will dance. Otherwise, you starve."
Azula raised an eyebrow. "Did you actually cooperate?"
"No." said Zuko. "But Uncle did. And that pushed me over the edge. I ambushed the man, and I killed him. Then I took his swords, and after that, the dam broke. I stole from the rich. I told myself they deserved it. But I soon found more reasons other people deserved it.
"Soon I was stealing for the sake of it." He looked up at the ceiling. "I was good at it, Azula. Really good. And when I was a thief, when I was robbing people. I was respected. They wouldn't dare spit at me then."
"So what stopped you?" asked Azula.
Zuko sighed. "I was in the desert and I was starving. I hadn't eaten in days. And I came across a couple traveling with me. They were cooking stew and I thought about robbing them.
"Then I saw that the woman was pregnant. They were expecting a child and I was going to rob them. Take food away from their mouths and their baby's.
"I realized that everybody I had robbed had a family. Someone to provide for. And I moved on. I never stole again after that." He sighed. "Uncle says there is a humble dignity to begging. He's wrong. There is nothing glorious about it. When you're poor, when you don't have a job or a way to feed yourself, you have no dignity. No pride. Nothing. Nothing but shame and humiliation and the hope for the next meal. If even that.
"You don't ponder great mysterious or become wiser. You ponder how not to starve to death. And the hungrier you get the more willing you are to do horrible things.
"I was starving, Azula. And if that woman hadn't been pregnant I would have killed her and her husband." He leaned back in his seat. "And even if you stay fed, even if you scrape together enough coins to not starve, people just tell you to get a job. As if there were any jobs to get.
"You're lucky if people don't give you a sideways glance."
Azula didn't know what to say. What could she say? Zuko had been driven to banditry. He'd almost murdered someone for food. Not money or glory. Food.
Yesterday Azula would have laughed at him. She felt suddenly sick, and she looked down. Had she really been such a horrible person? "I'm sorry, Zuko." She rubbed her chin and blinked back tears. "I realize I'm the last person you'd expect to say that but… it's been a long day." Back to business, quickly. "If you wanted to fix the problem of poverty, what would you do?"
Zuko uncrossed his hands and set them on the table. His fists clenched. "I thought about it for a long time.
"The Earth Kingdom has no good roads. Outside of the major cities the infrastructure is terrible. The Fire Nation colonies aren't perfect, but they're better off than the people here."
"Maybe some kind of public works program?" asked Azula. "We could provide jobs building better roads. We could build housing projects in the outer villages."
"I guess." said Zuko. "There is also a problem with public order. In a lot of places Earth Kingdom soldiers behave like thugs. They're more bandits than soldiers." He sighed "Listen, I have to get back to my shift."
Azula could have insisted he stay. But she decided not to. She had all the time in the world. "It's fine. Don't let me stop you."
As Zuko rose and walked away, Azula remained silent. After a moment she finished her tea. Then she walked over to Uncle and put money on the table. "Here's my bill, uncle. Keep the change."
Azula didn't go anywhere in particular. She just walked into the worse elements of the city. And she saw things. People. Children starving. Women starving. Men starving. Young and old alike, paupers were everywhere.
And then three familiar thugs made their appearance. Yesterday she would have scoffed at them. They were rough looking. But she could see their ribs.
"Hello, pretty lady." said one.
"Hand over all your coins and we'll be gentle." said another.
They were hungry. Azula could kill them easily. No one would call it wrong if she did it. But she didn't want to. Why not? "...Why are you here?" she asked. "In this place? Did you become criminals out of desperation? Or did you do it because you didn't want to work?"
They paused. Her tone had taken them off guard. "What kind of question is that?"
Time to press her advantage. "I'm just curious what it was that drove you to the point where you were willing to rape and murder an innocent woman."
"No one's innocent." said one. "Least of all us." They were trying to regain the initiative.
"Maybe not." admitted Azula. "But you don't know me or why I'm here. For all you know I could be coming to solve all the problems of this place."
"Enough!" snapped one, brandishing his knife. "Hand over your money, or get your throat cut-"
Azula didn't make any fancy movements. She wasn't trying to show off. In a moment the knives were knocked out of their hands, and one of them was at the leader's throat. His eyes went wide as Azula held the edge near him. It was dull.
"The next time you decide to mug someone, I suggest you remember today." said Azula. "Not everyone is what they appear. Keep on going like this, and sooner or later you'll end up having this knife go just a bit further."
"...Alright, alright, we'll stop. Just let us go."
"Good." said Azula. "You three are fit specimens. I suggest you find honest work.
"Get out of here."
They ran off.
Azula sighed and walked onward. As she did, she saw an old man. The old man, who approached her. "Spare a few coins, please?"
She could give him money. A lot of money. But that would be impersonal. Just a fancy way of appeasing her conscience without fixing the problem. And he might just be robbed if she gave him a lot.
"…I can spare a bit more than that. How about we get you something to eat." said Azula.
And that was how Azula ended up sitting at a noodle stand. The old man ate hungrily as she watched. He had a burned leg, and his ribs were visible even more than the thugs. Here was someone who couldn't do honest work, or rob others.
He could do nothing but beg.
And she had shoved him over. What had she been thinking?
She hadn't been thinking. Princess Azula had thought only of herself, how she didn't want to be near this smelly old man. He hadn't been a person; he'd been a thing.
The man looked at her, as she paid his tab.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked.
"I had a brother who spent time on the streets." said Azula. "People used to sneer at him. And... well... I was one of them.
"How did this happen to you?" Why had she asked that?
He sighed. "I was a soldier in the Earth Kingdom army. During the uh... the..."
"The war?" guessed Azula.
He looked around, then down. "Yes." His voice was low.
"You don't have to worry about the Dai Li." said Azula. "What happened?"
He sighed and raised his burnt leg. "Well my leg, it got burnt. I was healed, but I wasn't able to march anymore. So I was discharged. But when I got back home, I found that my village had been burned down.
"So I headed to Ba Sing Se. I learned to beg to survive.
"But... uh... well there aren't many jobs anywhere for a crippled old man without skills. So I ended up begging here instead."
Azula remained silent. "What do you think of the Fire Nation? Do you hate them?"
"The Fire Nation is a word." said the man. "Most folks have never seen someone from it. It's just a thing that drags their families away. Like I got dragged away.
"I remember during the fight, the one where I got this burn, I drove my spear into the firebender as he burned me. He was just a boy, younger than I was. I wondered what brought him out here.
"I think it was the same thing that brought me out there. We were both drafted."
"Fire Benders are expected to join the military." realized Azula. "They don't have a choice. They can be engineers or military. Sometimes they get put on homeland duty, but they have to spend a term."
"Really?" he looked up from surprise.
"I fled from the colonies." said Azula. "I came here looking for someone."
"Did you find them?" asked the man.
Who had she been looking for? Zuko or the Avatar? She supposed it must have been the Avatar. Azula smiled. It was such a long time ago. "No. Though I expect I'll see them at the end of the day.
"Is there..." She stopped. "Isn't there anything which the Earth King does for you? Anywhere you can go for help?"
He shook his head. "No."
"But this is Ba Sing Se! Everyone I talked to outside thought of it as the great hope of the Earth Kingdom!" said Azula. "Are you seriously telling me you arrived and were thrown right back onto the street?"
"I can't do work." said the man. "All I can do is beg. People would rather I just jump off a bridge and reduce the surplus populace."
Her own words were thrown back at her. She'd said them herself, so smug. As if she had any understanding of the world she lived in. She'd never gone hungry or been without shelter. She'd assumed eating trail rations while traveling was hard. But even that was done with luxuries unavailable to common people. Let alone beggers.
And there was always a warm bed at the end. She could just walk into any house in Fire Nation territory and demand they put her up. And they would gladly.
She'd forced Zuko into this life. She'd taken away his home, made him a vagabond in the wilderness. He'd had to beg and steal just to survive.
And she'd laughed about it. She'd been smug and ignorant and horrible.
Azula was, for the first time in her life, speechless. Her mouth was open, but no words came out. She clenched a hand and looked down. "It shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't."
The man put a hand to her shoulder. "Cheer up. You've given this old man hope if nothing else. Young people are the ones' who make the new world.
"There is no war in Ba Sing Se. Maybe someday there won't be a war outside it either."
He stood and left. As he did, Azula watched him limp away. "...I'll change it, I promise you that."
Azula awoke on cushions of the finest silk and felt the rays of the sun on her face. And she hated it. She threw on her clothes and rushed out, barely stopping to brush her hair.
Ty Lee looked up. "Azula-"
"We're doing some more research." said Azula. "I want to come up with a workable plan for ending poverty and providing a safety net for the disabled. And I need it by the end of the day."
There was a pause. "...Do you want sausages?" asked Ty Lee.
"No." said Azula.
She had work to do.
Author's Note:
And Azula finally figures out what a jerk she's been.
Before this point, Azula has been gradually becoming nice. But it's all been about her. Now that she has empathy, she's getting slammed with the guilt of her previous actions.
Also, I am convinced that Zuko murdered that man who tormented Iroh. Zuko's defining quality is his pride, which is balanced by his love of those close to him and his great empathy. That man made sport of a Prince of the Fire Nation, his uncle, and humiliated him. Thus pushing every single one of Zuko's berserk buttons. If Zuko was willing to steal from Song, I think he would be willing to kill that man.
There are also pragmatic reasons. Swords are valuable and if the man reported their loss he could be tracked down.
So yeah, that scene takes on a whole new meaning if you believe those swords promptly went into the man's jugular.