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[ Un Pétrin sans Espoir: how delightful ]
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Chapter One
conflicting reasons
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Talk about childhood.
Being here, sitting in front of the teacher's office, takes me back to when I was a kid. The school has spruced up a few things, refurbished the place here and there, but the general feeling of this place is the same and has got me all nostalgic.
I remember when I'd get scolded for racing down the hallways, barely getting to class on time. I had also been so dedicated to basketball that I often skipped recess snacks to shoot hoops on the court. Lunch was another story, but to actually give up food for basketball. What had been wrong with me?
When I was in elementary I was mortified about being here. Only the 'bad kids' would go to the teacher's office. It's deja vu for me. I'm not saying that I was a bad kid, but neither was I a good child either. I did slip up once in awhile, however it would never concern anything too drastic asides from me pulling a prank here and there and I'd get off lightly.
I glance at my watch. It's three thirty. What's taking them so long? I had heard the last bell ring earlier, so they're probably taking a while because they're caught in peak hour student traffic.
The other student's parents had already come and gone to collect the boy who had been punched. I hadn't been able to go to the school on time because work is on the opposite side of Tokyo. The stretch from Ikebukuro and Odaiba is quite the commute. So when I had presented myself at the front desk, the receptionist said that she had expected me and then guided me inside Kana's teacher's office. She hadn't even asked my name. One glance at my appearance and she knew I was related to Kana. Then again, it's not often you find people with natural blond hair in Japan.
Reports are scattered all over the table. Although Kana's teacher's handwritten reports layer over the table's surface in a disorderly pattern, I note that her writing is relatively neat.
Kana's teacher has expensive taste. She has a row of branded handbags on the bottom shelf. Another shelf harbours a line of various miniature cacti. The second shelf has an aligned spread of both Japanese and English novels. The top has a four photographs, all framed and placed evenly across the shelf.
Unable to sit still any longer, I get up. Holding my wrists behind my back, I wander towards the shelves, leaning in and squinting up at the top shelf of photographs. One is of Rainbow Bridge, which happens to a landmark in Odaiba. The other is of a temple the bamboo forest in Kyoto. There's a landscape image of Sydney's Opera House, and the last is a photo of a tubby white cat laying on its back.
I hear the door crack open and shut behind me.
"Take a seat, Kana-chan." Her teacher's voice is smooth, yet stern.
I crane my neck and watch Kana sheepishly obey her teacher's instructions. I give Kana a suspecting look and, in return, she supplies a small, weak smile. I've known this kid since she was born; so I give myself credit at reading at her - especially when she's telling the truth or lying. There's a glint of wickedness in her eyes and without a second thought, I immediately confirm that she had punched the other kid and it had been intentional.
You're an adult. Do me a favour and behave like one during the meeting?
My mother's words echo in my mind, but it doesn't restrain my lips from curling upwards. I can't help myself...I really can't.
"This isn't a comical matter, Mr Takaishi."
Kana's teacher doesn't miss a beat, does she?
"Right, right. Sorry about that," I mumble, half heartedly. I take off my copper-rimmed spectacles, rubbing my eyes. If she wants to scold both me and Kana, I might as well introduce myself. "Please call me Takeru instead. I hate being called by my last name."
As I put my glasses back on, I extend an arm only to find the woman giving me a hard, scrutinising look. I awkwardly let my arm drop back down to my side when she doesn't accept the shake. Could it be because I didn't bow? I resort to giving a bow instead, but she again does not seem to receive the motion well either.
So I stare back.
Her cherry-glossed lips are pursed out in concentration, her hair is cut short in a perfect bob over her shoulders, but it's her striking honey-coloured eyes that makes me linger on her face longer than I should.
"Takeru, you say?" She whispers.
I feel my pulse escalate, and I know my ears are turning pink in the process. Even from how she says my name, I know that Kana's teacher has to be her. I'd be an idiot not to recognise the woman, and it's obvious she knows who am I too.
Clearing my throat, I dare to reply, "Yes, Yagami sensei."
The glazed look of shock in her eyes gives her away. It's like we're both trying to decipher whether this is a reality or not. Hikari's a teacher? I had never seen her as one. Out of all jobs, why had she decided on teaching?
Hikari tells me, "Well, Takeru, I want to discuss to you about Kana-chan's misbehaviour."
She goes behind her desk and takes the seat opposite from us.
If it's in Hikari's best interest to conduct this meeting regardless of us having a pleasant reunion in our elementary school. If she doesn't want us blurting our identities to each other, and to keep the professionalism up while she disciplines Kana, so be it…
However, this is going to be a difficult task. Hikari may try and continue to act professional, but it doesn't stop the fact that I can no longer concentrate properly. I've been reunited with my childhood best friend. Tell me, how can I focus? This is impossible!
"Your daughter-"
I flinch.
"He's not my dad!"
"-assaulted Tatsuya Seiji during PE class and did not apologise to him."
Kana folds her arms and protests, "And he started it."
"However, you're no worse than he is because you fought back," Hikari condones.
"Hold on a minute. Miss Yagami, Kana isn't the type of person to inflict violence upon others without reason," I butt in. As much as I know Kana is good at holding her own - and that she does have a bad temper - it doesn't mean that she throws punches out of nowhere. I sit next to Kana, putting my hand over hers as I survey her. "What did he do?"
Kana angrily bites her bottom lip, but stares away from him. "It's nothing."
"How can we help you if you don't tell us?" Hikari says.
"Why are you only talking like this now?" Kana snaps at Hikari. "You, all of you, accused me straight away and took his side without figuring what was wrong first. I hate being here! I just want to go home-"
"Kana," I breathe out, clasping onto both of her shoulders. I can feel her small body trembling. "Getting mad isn't going to help the situation. Tell me what's going on? What did Seiji-kun do?"
She doesn't cave in straight away. It's only after a few minutes of silence, she quietly mutters, "He called me a half-cast. A lousy gaijin. He didn't think I knew what he meant!"
Gaijin? I almost laugh out loud. I had been called much worse than that in the past. I've had my share of insults, so I kind of empathise with what Kana had been through. But, I do understand how offensive it can be - especially for Kana who has only recently moved to Japan. However, I'm not surprised at the attack, but it is still a touchy subject. No wonder she had punched the kid.
Hikari frowns. "That doesn't mean you should have attacked him back."
"How is this fair? He started it!" Kana cries out.
"To be honest, I actually agree with Kana on this," I mumble. "Miss Yagami, I think people are so passive-aggressive here. I guess it's the nature in Japan because here people tend to let bullying and snide comments slide, but when somebody contests physically and openly against them, they don't know how to deal with the repercussions."
It's something that's always bothered me. People always tend to turn a blind eye when things get bad in Japan because, most of the time, nobody wants to be involved or take responsibility for anything. And, today, is a prime example of blaming it on Kana when it technically hadn't started from her.
Kana isn't completely right; nor is she completely wrong.
"From my perspective, using violence is the incorrect way too," Hikari says, voice steady as she looks at me. "Kana-chan, can you please step out of the room? I want to talk with your father privately."
"He's not my father!" Kana glares before strutting out of the room and slamming the door shut.
Hikari gives me a fatigued look. I give her a tiny smile. "It's true though."
"What?"
"I'm not her father. Do you think I'm that ancient enough to have a ten year old kid?"
She raises an eyebrow about me, asking curiously, "Then just how is she related to you?"
"Kana is my baby sister." I chuckle.
The teacher groans, "How could I not see this? It's in her genes! She has your dry wit and your brother's cold attitude."
I throw my head back, laughing. "Don't forget good looks and charms, Hikari."
"You mean ego," she corrects me.
"It's good to see you too," I speak, grinning. She laughs back. It's been a while since I've heard Hikari's infectious laugh, and it's a good break from her seriousness and domineering aura that she had earlier.
I advance towards her and bend down to give her a hug. She's stiff at first, but I feel her body relax. I step back, gazing at her. A lot has changed over the decade. Ten years, and Hikari's turned into a lady. I'm used to seeing her in school wear, so seeing her in office wear is odd. But, I'm not saying that she looks bad in it. She...just doesn't seem like Hikari anymore.
Instead of sitting back down, I lean against the wall and study her. "So why did you kick Kana out of the room?"
"Because you're not letting me do my job!" Hikari says. She folds a long leg over the other, leaning her elbow against the desk as she supports her head.
I shrug. "Well, I stand by what I said."
She bristles, "Takeru, you...the both of you aren't in France anymore! It's different here. We have rules to abide. We have structure-"
"So you're saying foreigners don't have structure?" I cut her off.
"I'm not saying that!" Hikari insists. "Argh. Why do I even bother with you? I've forgotten how annoying you are."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
Hikari sighs.
"But the old you wouldn't let this go." I keep going, "I'd investigate into this, Hikari. Like I said before, Kana doesn't get infuriated without a reason. She must have reached boiling point; or her classmates might have been bullying her prior to today."
"She still needs to go to a week of detention and write a formal apology."
"Just the week of detention then?" I try to compromise, on behalf of my mother and sister's sakes.
"No."
"Come on Hikari," I plead. "You're not like this."
"I've changed, Takeru. People change, alright?"
If there's something that hasn't changed, it's Hikari's stubbornness. She really wants Kana to write that letter and serve her week's worth of detention. Good on Kana for punching that guy out! I would have done the same thing!
"Right," I reply. Knowing that our conversation has been dismissed, I still can't get over that I'm in the same room as Hikari. "Are you free tonight?"
"No." Hikari has responded too quickly.
It's either she's very busy or she does not want to spend time with me. And, to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if it's the latter. If I were in her shoes, I'd probably hate me too. She might not show her resentment towards me, but I know that she's still holding onto the grudge; the promises that we broke.
"Though, I reckon we should catch up some time soon, yeah?" I say in an open-ended manner, waiting for her to give me another chance.
It's better late than never, right?
"Sure, but not tonight though. I'm having dinner with my partner," Hikari tells me. "And I'm really busy, with all these reports due and all…"
I nod, seeing through her lies. "Sure. That's too bad though."
Even Hikari saying 'partner' sounds foreign to the ears. Yes, we're both older now. And yes, we've changed...but it's still weird, you know?
"I might check with Yamato then. What do you say about booking me in next week then?" I query.
She replies, "I'm busy for the whole month."
"Well, that's a shame. I've only moved back last week and could use some company…"
"Takeru," Hikari speaks, interrupting me mid-sentence. She croaks out, "What exactly do you want from me?"
"Nothing," I admit, sparing a look at her. Her voice is on edge, eyes leering at me as if I'm a menace to her eyes. I say, stupidly, "Just to be friends, I guess."
"Didn't you break our friendship a long time ago?" Her tone is like ice. I knew this was coming. I deserved that.
Numerous times I had always pictured this in my mind. How our reunion would play out. What words we'd exchange. How upset she'd be. And, despite the many years that have passed, she's still sore about it; as how I'm still sore that we had drifted apart in an inevitable, yet miserable manner.
"Perhaps I did." I give a nod. Not knowing what else to say, I turn my back towards her. My throat is dry. I contemplate not apologising, but I do anyway, "I'm sorry, Hikari."
As I reach for the doorknob, I hear her call after me.
"Just tell me one thing." She says softly, "Why did you leave?"
I give a taut smile, but I still avoid looking at Hikari. Instead, I'm staring at my sister through the glass on the door head. Her arms are still folded, headphones now covering her ears, as she scowls in an identical way Yamato does when he's moody.
"She was the reason."
Hikari's voice floats towards me, specifying, "Kana-chan?"
"Yes, she was." I finally reveal.
Hikari now knows the reason, the conundrum that may have been bothering her all this time...but I don't feel the need to go into length or detail about it with her. If she chooses to be busy; then so will I.
She's not even reprimanding the kid who had insulted my sister. She had picked a side without looking into everything. People think that Hikari and Taichi aren't similar at all; but boy, are they wrong. If Hikari's not even trying to understand why I'm upset about her punishing Kana, why bother explaining to her into detail why I had moved to France?
After all, I did break the friendship. Is there a point in resurrecting it, now that we've both changed?
I don't spare a glance back at Hikari as I amble on, heading towards where my sister is waiting for me.
Kana slaps my hand when I offer it. She stares up at me, light brown eyes questioning me, as if silently wondering the outcome of her punishment. When I shake my head, she frowns. Nevertheless, she stands up holds onto my sleeve as we walk out of the office.
"I don't think you were wrong though. It was good that you defended yourself," I tell her, ruffling her blond hair. "I couldn't wave off the punishment though."
"Thanks onii-chan."
I wink at her. "Just don't tell mother."
She cries into my sleeve.
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(a/n) Um...this chapter turned out to be too dramatic for me. I wanted this story to be comedic, but Hikari's quite salty from how Takeru left and..Kana needed to be explored. So, it might take some time to get to the Romance. So those who have read Starless Sky, Kana is the big reason why Takeru had left Japan.
I promise the next chapter won't be as angsty. Thanks for reading :) Hope you enjoyed it!