5/24/21

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The Manipulation Games 3: Rebellion

Chapter Nineteen: Someone Left

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"I think you'd like it. The Block, not the war part."

My companion is silent, as always. The only sounds comes from the machines that are her lifeline – machines that I have no name for, but Beetee could probably assemble from memory. They beep and whir in a steady rhythm as I try not to lose my mind any more than I already have. No, I have no use for their names, as long as they do their job.

I add my own voice to the melody, stroking her hand with my thumb.

"It's… nothing like we have in District 7. You really feel like you're in another world in there. Sometimes I forget it's all fake. I actually have to remind myself I'm not actually shooting maniacs in the Capitol. I bet Volts could make something nicer than a terrifying war zone for you to try when you wake up."

Still no response.

"I don't know, maybe it wouldn't be anything special to you. Maybe Nero had a bunch of cool crap like that for you to play with. I wouldn't know. You don't seem like a spoiled Capitol brat, but I guess I don't know you the way I should. Some cousin I've been. I should've been there for you, but that was just another thing your dad took from me."

The sound of a door opening snaps me from my thoughts. I drop Ava's hand and turn my gaze towards our visitor. My first instinct is to scream at the intruder until they leave us alone, though I change my mind when I realize that Finnick is the one standing in the doorway.

"Hey Jo. Hope I'm not interrupting anything," he says awkwardly, taking a seat in the only spare chair in the room.

I shake my head. "No, moment's over. You've ruined everything."

Finnick smiles at me- a real smile, not a fake Capitol Finnick smile- before turning his attention to Ava.

"How is she?"

I swallow the lump in my throat. I refuse to cry, even in front of Finnick.

"The doctors say she's getting better. Not that I'd know. It's… hard, visiting when I'm supposed to be training. So most of the time, I just don't."

Finnick nods, watching the machines the doctors have hooked up to Ava. The steady beeping calms my nerves, reminding me that she's still alive. Finnick is used to my displays of indifference by now. It doesn't mean I don't care, it's just the way things have to be. I used to think Finnick got it, but now I'm not so sure.

"Fish boy?"

"Hm?"

"About what happened with Annie, that day in the cafeteria-"

Finnick shakes his head. "I'm not really upset about that. She told me you apologized. I get it."

I frown, staring at Ava's hand. "You seem distant. I know that's rich, coming from me of all people, but… I don't know. It feels like you're avoiding me. I guess I thought you were upset about something."

I turn my gaze back to Finnick, studying his expression carefully. He really does seem upset. It's like he won't even meet my eyes.

I try again.

"Seriously Finnick, what gives?"

The room is silent, save for the steady beating of Ava's machines, until Finnick finally answers.

"Katniss said something the other day, about something Haymitch told her."

I raise an eyebrow. "Aren't we a little old for those 'he said, she said' rumor mills?"

Finnick closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. "I know this probably sounds really insecure. Annie's been encouraging me to talk to you about it. She says it won't get better until we communicate. But… Haymitch told Katniss I was the closest thing you had to a friend. Like we're not actually friends, just close to it. I guess that reminded me about what you said in the arena."

Crap. That's what this is about?

"Johanna… are we friends?"

I bite my lip and look away. "Of course we are."

"Then why doesn't it feel like it?"

His voice breaks at the end, and I can't bear to look at him. But, of course, I have to. I made this bed and now I have to sleep in it. Tears pool up at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over and run down his cheeks. Knowing this is my fault is almost enough to make me copy him. My friendship with Maple hurt her physically. It would only follow that my lack of a bond with my new best friend would hurt him emotionally.

Best friend.

Is that what Finnick is to me?

"Finnick… look. Ever since I won that stupid Game, Snow has made it his personal mission to off everyone I love until I shut up."

"I know," Finnick interrupts, wiping the tears from his eyes. "I know. It's different for you, and I'm sorry I brought it up. I just got my hopes up now that we're away from him. It was selfish of me to-"

"No, I'm sorry," I sigh. "It's just… even now, after all this time, I'm terrified of letting anyone in. And I'm sorry about what I said in the arena. I love you, Fin. And I love Ava, and Annie. I loved Blight and Shey and the twins…"

My voice catches in my throat, turning into a weird squeaking sound instead of letting me say anything else. Finnick leans forward and wraps his arms around me. My throat tightens as though I've been crying, but the tears don't come. Some emotion between joy and sorrow overtakes me, and I lean against Finnick's shoulder.

"I don't wanna be scared anymore."

"You don't have to be," Finnick reassures me. "We're safe now. Snow can't reach us here. Believe me, he tried."

I think back to the story Katniss told me, about the bombs that preceded our arrival in District 13. No, Finnick is right. If that was the best President Beard-brain has, we're safe here. Safe until we go back to the Capitol, at least, at which point we'll be roughly as not-safe as everyone else. That loser has no hold on me anymore.

I manage a smile, looking up at Finnick.

"Have I ever mentioned that you're my best friend?"

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Hi again! It's been a while, hasn't it? I took organic chemistry last semester, so I barely had time to do anything aside from study and have mental breakdowns. But summer is here now, so I'll have time to write now (until it's time to retake ochem again because in the end I had to drop the class and waste all my hard work… yay -_-). In other news, I have a betta fish now! His name is Finnick (of course), he's a blue double tail, and I love him. Betta fish make everything better and I would absolutely recommend these tiny friends for any stressed out college student who can't have other types of pets in their dorm.

I kind of wish I would've done a better job building up to this chapter, but it is what it is. I'd rather get this fic done before the end of the year than go back and nitpick the details of the whole trilogy.

Quote of the day!

"He'd had 4 or 5… non-Baptist drinks… if you know what I mean," -my dad, telling a story about his cousin.

May the odds be ever in your favor,

~Spectrobes Princess