So so sorry, I did not mean to take this long with the update.

Whilst Bebe and Heidi made themselves presentable and searched for the ouiji board the others were left to amuse one other in the living room. Stan paced to get rid of his nervous energy, glancing down at his hands now and then and wondering if it was worth asking Cartman some questions in the meantime. He'd touched him only once, when Stan had checked if he was in the car with them before they left the hospital parking lot. It felt like the cold rush of blood returning to a waking limb. He didn't particularly want to experience it again.

Wendy was sat on the couch writing down questions in a notebook. Butters and Kenny were curled up in companionable misery on the matching armchair. Stan had no idea where Cartman had gotten to since they pulled up.

Before hurrying up the stairs to her room, Bebe had told them to help themselves to soda and Stan's hoarse throat decided that it would be a good idea to take her up on the kind offer. "You guys want a drink?" he asked in a scratchy voice.

"You okay, baby?" Wendy snapped the pen lid back on. "You sound strained. Maybe Bebe has some tea and honey."

She followed him into the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards. Stan downed a can of soda as the water came to boil and cooled off and he was thankful to wrap his shaking hands around the hot mug his girlfriend handed to him with a loving smile. He hadn't realised how much he needed the warmth of both of them.

"Stan… you can take a moment, you know? It's been a rough night."

"I'll take a moment when I've done what I need to do. Once Cartman's back with Kyle I can relax."

She sipped her tea. "You didn't seem as surprised as we all were by the Cartman and Kyle thing."

"Kyle told me the day Cartman died that he liked him. More than liked. I thought it was one of those 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' things, or maybe grieving over a missed opportunity."

"Like those what 'could have been' scenarios. They're always seen through rose-coloured glasses."

"But it turns out Cartman likes him too and came back for him. Kinda romantic when you think about it."

"Mmm, I hate to be pessimistic but he probably came back for some scheme and Kyle was just the cherry on the cake."

"As soon as Bebe comes down we can ask him."

"As if he'd admit to it. He knows if you suspect this thing between them isn't real you'll kick his ass, dead or not."

Stan laughed. "You know me too well."

"It looks like it was made by Hasbro or some shit."

"If you've got a better one bring it out, Kenny."

"I'm just saying!"

Bebe angrily flattened out the cardboard and placed its planchette in the middle. It actually was a commercial board that she had picked up on a whim in a store. She'd tried to personalise it with stickers in the corners but it just looked even more ridiculous and gaudy. They gathered around in a circle and listened anxiously as Bebe said some words for protection. If it was a real blessing then it had no effect on Cartman who sat on the edge between her and Butters and yawned sarcastically.

"Okay guys," said Bebe as she went over one of her books for last-minute advice. "I'm not super-experienced with this stuff yet and I don't know what will come through. So if anything weird happens to you after this go see Father Maxi or someone."

"We'll be fine," Kenny said confidently. "No demons are going to get past me."

Cartman snorted.

The group all held hands except for Wendy who was in charge of writing down the answers and Stan elected himself to ask the questions. "Is anyone here with us?"

Suddenly the group clamped their hands against their ears to protect them from a piercing scream.

"What the fuck, Heidi?!"

"It MOVED!"

Cartman rubbed his ears. "It's supposed to move. God, why the Hell did I ever think you were smart? You're the dumbest bitch ever." But he'd also been surprised that the planchette moved. Whatever Bebe had done had given him the ability to touch in front of witnesses. It only worked on the planchette he found as he experimented with poking Butters' shoulder.

"Shall I ask who it is?"

Wendy got her pen ready and watched the planchette slide across the board. "E-R-I-C. Eric."

"That's got to be a demon pretending," Kenny mused wearing a frown. "We all call him Cartman, why would he write that?"

"Maybe he's always preferred 'Eric'. I think it's nicer."

"Or he's being lazy. Eric is shorter."

"It's both, you fuckers."

"Stan, ask him to prove he's Cartman."

Before Stan could open his mouth the planchette moved again. "Wendy?"

"S-H-U-T-U-P-H-I-P-P-Y-S. Shut up, Hippies."

They were convinced. "Cartman, why are you stuck here?"

The planchette slowly slid around the board again. "M-E-D-E-M-O-N. Is that a Chinpokomon?" said Wendy after the planchette stilled. They all looked at her. She smacked her forehead in shame. "Oh my God, idiot, he means 'Me demon', doesn't he?"

"That's impossible."

"You've been saying that a lot, Ken-ken."

"This time I mean it. He can't be a demon, I would know if he was." Kenny was chagrined by their confused stares. How many times had he directly or indirectly told these people about his powers and it just seemed to fall out of their heads.

"It's your word against his," said Wendy, shrugging. "While I would normally look up if Cartman said the sky was blue, right now I think we need to believe him."

"If Eric can't get back because he's a demon then I think it's obvious what we need to do. We need to exorcise him."

"Pfft, you couldn't get Cartman near a treadmill even when he was alive let alon- ow! Butters! It was a joke."

"Anyways, Bebe can you perform an exorcism? We don't want to keep Kyle waiting."

"Hey, where is Kyle?" Heidi piped up.

The others glanced at one another in horrified guilt as their error dawned on them. Butters knocked his knuckles together and gazed sorrowfully across at her. "About an hour ago… he uh, well he died."

"No! But… that's…" Her pretty face crumpled with shock as tears streamed down into her hands. Bebe immediately shook herself out of her own stupor to console her and the others sat in awkward silence until they regained their composure. It was only just sinking in for them as well.

Bebe spoke first. "You said Kyle is waiting, Butters? For Cartman?"

Butters could sometimes be naïve but he was no fool. "Well sure, I mean they're buddies. Kinda. Makes sense that they'd want to hang out on the other side." The others nodded, seeming to agree with Butters' instinct to keep schtum about the boys' relationship.

"I'm so sorry about Kyle, Bebe," said Wendy. "I know you had that thing with him a few years back."

"Whoa, whoa" – Heidi snapped, her head jerking up – "what THING?"

"Yeah, what fucking thing?" Cartman growled. "Fuck, that gay twunk is so desperate he's mounting chicks too?"

"It was nothing. He wasn't sure if he was actually gay and not maybe bi and we-"

"He's gay?!" Heidi contemplated the revelation for a few moments and smiled. "Oh thank God, no wonder he didn't want me. I thought I'd lost my touch."

Cartman rolled his eyes. "You arrogant bitch."

"Getting back to our mission," said Kenny with an air of agitation that began to worry his fiancé, "can you do it, Bebe?"

"I think so. If you're sure you can deal with anything that goes wrong."

Bebe perused her books for the information she needed as Heidi packed away the board and planchette, and Wendy explained a little more about Kyle's illness. Heidi found it sweet that Kyle really had been talking to Cartman all along. Quite how sweet she'd think it was had she known exactly the kinds of things they had been saying and doing, they didn't dare find out. Bebe began her incantations without them, not wanting to let dangerous words fall into non-witch hands.

Cartman doubled over in a pain worse than his kidney failing. It was all over his 'body' – skin and bones and hair all excruciatingly aflame. Squinting through it he saw a golden portal forming behind Bebe and his wings went berserk. He screamed as the skin tore from between each section and was sucked into the portal. Then the fingers of each wing, one by one, breaking apart and pulled from him. As the last crack of bone sounded he staggered to his feet in dizzy agony.

"Cartman?!"

He looked up at Kenny's wide-eyed and trembling form. Cartman gasped. "Holy shit, you can see me?"

Kenny clenched his fists. He'd held it together for weeks but seeing Cartman backlit by the portal about to take him away again was too much. He threw himself into his arms, choking on the hot glistening tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. "I wanted to come see you, dude. I promise I'll come see you."

Cartman hugged him tightly despite the confused crowd around them. "Bro, you're making a scene."

"Can you blame me? Fuck Cartman, you went out of your way to… I mean all that money…"

"That's not a gift you know." Cartman pushed Kenny back to grin at him. "That money's to help you look after Butters. You know how good he is at getting in trouble. You should keep an eye on him."

Kenny laughed and wiped his face dry. "Yeah well, same to you with Kyle. I don't want to come down there and find out you two usurped Satan or something."

Cartman giggled slyly but Kenny was too ecstatic to read into it.

"I probably look crazy talking to you right now."

"You do, but we're used to it," Stan said helpfully.

"You might wanna wrap up, guys," said Heidi. "I'm not sure how long Bebe can keep this going."

Kenny nodded at the poor girl sweating and shivering from concentrating on reciting the text in her lap. Reluctantly he let go of Cartman and watched him walk backwards towards the portal. Even he could feel the gravitational pull of the underworld like hundreds of ants biting at him. It must have been agony for Cartman. A demon. That was something for him to dwell upon later.

Cartman looked around one last time at his friends, and not-friends.

"Goodbye Eric. We miss you."

"Y-yeah," said Cartman and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I hope you and Kenny have a great marriage dicking each other."

"He says he hopes we have a great marriage," repeated Kenny, sensibly paraphrasing.

"Aww!"

Stan and Wendy knew Cartman better than that and gave each other a wry glance.

The portal began to flare and shrink. Bebe's strength was waning and Heidi was doing her best to keep her conscious. Cartman stepped towards it, turning back one last time to catch Kenny's encouraging smile before he fell through into the glowing vortex. He landed and skinned his knees on the stony ground as he failed to braced himself in time. He sat up feeling strange and light without his wings to burden him. He looked around to find the land empty and dark. This wasn't Level Thirteen. He brushed the dust from his tracksuit and could only think of one thing to say to the void beyond.

"Shit."

Next chapter:

Pip waved cheerily from the other side of the room. "What-ho, Cartman! Don't mind little old me."

"Will you get out of here – we want some privacy."

"In that case help yourself to anything in the dresser. The handcuffs don't have a key but you could probably brea-"

Cartman picked him up by his collar and launched him through the doorway. "Fucking pervert."