Donna shoved her small bag from the newsstand into her purse and pulled it unnaturally close as she scanned the parking lot. Picking up her pace to a brisk walk, she bee lined to her car and hurriedly clicked her key fob to unlock the door, fumbling a bit with the handle before sliding into the driver's seat and slamming the door behind her.
She'd gone back and forth for the last week, trying to decide if she would read the book upon its release in ten days. Trying to decide what knowledge she could possibly gain from a book, written by a nameless stranger, about the person she, at one time, had known better than anyone else in the world. None, she'd decided earlier that day. There was no benefit, she'd concluded.
But on the drive home from a job interview for a career path she wasn't particularly interested in, she'd found herself turning off the freeway and wandering into a bookstore, where she grabbed a copy of the paper that contained the first review of Hellhound. She couldn't deny that there was part of her that wondered just what lie between the covers of of the book itself. Was there something she'd missed about him? Something she could refute? Was any of it true?
As her car inched along in traffic, she became increasingly upset by the radio commentators nonstop opinions on the book's relevance. It was an invasion of his privacy, she told the empty car. And she knew just how private Josh preferred to keep his life.
She didn't know why she was even allowing the radio program to continue playing in her car. She knew everything she needed to know. She wouldn't stoop to this level. It didn't matter that they'd fallen out of touch. It didn't matter that he hadn't hired her for the Santos campaign. It didn't matter that their friendship was in ruins. Deep down, she reminded herself, he had a heart of gold. And nothing written in a flashy book would change her opinion on that.
Finally, she clicked the radio off and drove out the rest of the way home in silence.
Pulling into a parking spot on the street in front of CJ's, she sighed heavily and grabbed the paper containing the preliminary review of Hellhound and tossed it directly into the trash.
Josh Lyman, for all of his flaws, was a good man. He didn't deserve any of this.
"How'd it go," CJ yelled out as soon as she heard the door open, quickling selecting the 'delete recording' option on the DVR. She'd had to make a split second decision, and though she felt a little guilty, she was doing it to spare her friends any further anguish.
Donna made her way into the living room, placing her bag on the hall table. "It went fairly well," she told CJ, crossing her arms and leaning against the archway into the dining room. "They seemed interested."
"Why do I sense there's a but coming," CJ stood from where she as seated on the couch, making he way towards the kitchen and the take out that Donna had grabbed on her way home.
"I don't know," Donna stalled. "It's just- I don't think it's what I want to do. It seems so inconsequential."
CJ shrugged her shoulders. "Most things do, after that many years of working in the White House."
"But," Donna sighed, taking off her heels. "A job is a job. And it was good to get my feet wet and start interviewing again."
CJ nodded her head. "Well, congratulations either way."
"Thanks, Ceej," Donna accepted a glass of wine and claimed her usual spot in the oversized chair in the corner. "Did you record it?"
"I, uh," CJ hated to lie to Donna. "No. Something went wrong. I'm sorry."
"Oh," Donna's face immediately fell. "Well, did you at least see it?"
"Yeah." CJ became abnormally quiet.
"And? How was he?" Donna was staring at her friend with wide eyed curiosity, but CJ could see the concern that always rode just under the surface beginning to crop up.
"He was… good. On his game. You know Josh," she tried to laugh, "he isn't going to let them off that easy."
"Good," Donna tried to sound positive, as though that was the extent of her interest and she accepted the answer at face value, but her voice betrayed her.
"Yeah," CJ nodded. She could try to reassure Donna all she wanted, but she knew the younger woman could see right through her. She had watched Josh on CNN, that much was true. But she hadn't encountered any type of error with the DVR. After 15 minutes of watching Josh go off the rails at a Republican commentator, looking like he was about one crisis away from collapsing, CJ had deleted the recording. She couldn't let Donna see him like that. It would tear her to pieces. And, she told herself, Josh wouldn't want that either.
"Did you make a decision?" CJ tread carefully. She knew that deciding whether or not to read the book had been weighing heavily on Donna.
"I'm not," Donna simply stated.
CJ nodded her understanding. "And if you're asked..."
"I won't be," Donna stared out the french doors in front of her.
"But if you are," CJ slipped seamlessly back into press secretary mode. There wasn't much she could do for her friends in this situation, but if she knew Donna would be ready for whatever was thrown at her, she'd make sure she'd used her experience to lessen the blow as much as possible. "What will you say?"
"I'll say he's a good man," Donna's eyes darted back over to CJ, a fire beginning to blaze inside of them. "I'll say that he doesn't deserve this kind of unfounded ridicule from a nameless source. That he's smart and hard working and genuine. That he cares about people and he's just doing whatever he can to make this world a better place and that maybe everyone should just BACK OFF and LET HIM DO HIS JOB IN PEACE."
CJ studied Donna, her chest heaving and face flushed as she finally let her emotions break through. She'd been walling herself off for the last couple of days. Maybe this would be good- she could let it all out.
"Ok," CJ began, not wanting to sound condescending. "I'm not sure that yelling at the press will achieve the results you want. And I know that you're well aware of that."
Donna pinched the bridge of her nose. "Yeah."
"I've read a few excerpts of the book. Danny was able to get a few bits and pieces from a colleague. I can prep you for the press if you want me to." CJ offered a little carefully. Personally she thought that it would be better if Donna were prepared and the way she'd just reacted reaffirmed CJ's opinion.
"Okay, I guess, if you think it's a good idea." Donna answered weakly.
"Do you want to do this?" CJ was only going to press the issue with Donna with her consent.
"Yeah. Let's get it over with," Donna said, taking a large drink of her glass of malbec.
CJ hesitated for only a moment before she reached into her bag, pulling out a binder and slipping on her glasses on. Donna saw yellow sticky notes marking several pages. CJ cleared her throat and gave Donna a kind look before flipping to the page she'd marked earlier and beginning to read.
"There are tales of politicians who had been bold enough to venture across that line into dangerous territory, and, unbeknownst to even most insiders, their careers were immediately decimated.
Though most chalk these stories up to be nothing more than hyperbole, sources close to the Bartlet White House speak nervously of an up and coming Naval commander who dared to date Lyman's assistant and promptly found himself stationed overseas with a demotion in rank-"
"What does that have to do with Josh? He had nothing to do with Jack's transfer," she interrupted, immediately defensive and becoming a bit pink in the face.
CJ glanced up, but continued to read.
"Though it's widely understood that Lyman wasn't sleeping with Moss, it was also an accepted fact that he was in love with her. It should have been no surprise that those feelings were unrequited on Moss' behalf, and may account for her otherwise unexplained defection from Lyman's team."
"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Donna found herself lashing out at the words. She felt the flush crawl across her face, trying to slow her heartbeat and stop her quivering chin.
"That he loved you or that you didn't love him back," CJ challenged.
Donna took a breath and leaned against couch, her eyes falling to a spot on the floor.
"Donna…" CJ's tone had softened. She was watching her friend closely, worried about where this may lead.
"I loved him," she admitted in a soft voice. It wasn't the first time she'd alluded to it with CJ, but it was the first time she'd ever said it out loud.
"You still do." CJ's eyes were kind, her voice gentle.
"He didn't love me." Donna stated in a hollow, far away voice.
"I think you're wrong." CJ tried to catch Donna's eye. She wanted her to know she meant it. As far as prepping for the press, this wasn't a very successful conversation. But CJ hoped that they were making progress as far as addressing the proverbial elephant in the room when it came to Josh.
Donna squeezed her eyes shut and tried to reign in her emotions. She'd scrutinized her years with Josh on many occasions, but she didn't want to dig back into them right then.
"This is prep, Donna. You know as well as I do, if you're going to say anything other than "no comment' you'd better be ready for some pushback from the press." CJ tried to remain a calming presence for Donna. She hated to have to do this to her friend. "You ready to keep going?"
Donna gave a small nod. She just wanted to get this over with.
"But Moss wasn't immune from the backlash of Bartlet's Bulldog. She remains the only senior member of Vice President Russell's campaign that wasn't offered a place on the Santos team after the convention."
Donna remained quiet for a few minutes and CJ wondered again what exactly happened at that meeting long ago. It had always been a sticking point for Donna.
Donna finally spoke in a voice so quiet that CJ could barely hear her. "This isn't fair. He shouldn't have to endure this."
"I know." CJ let that resonate. Josh was her friend too, and though she wasn't taking this as hard as Donna was, it hurt her to watch Josh be torn apart as well. "What about that last part, Donna? The book says you're the only one on the Russell Campaign that wasn't offered a spot on the campaign."
"That's not true either," Donna gently wiped her pooling tears. "I mean, Iwasn't offered a spot, far from it, but there were lots of us. I was- It was a long shot. I knew that going in. I didn't have a degree and he saw me as someone to make copies and answer the phone. I was just another unqualified girl in a long line of applications. He's a smart man, CJ. And he made the decision he needed to."
CJ was flabbergasted. "Donna, that's-"
"It's fine, CJ," Donna cut her off. She didn't want to be coddled at this particular moment. "What else?"
CJ turned her attention back to the book, reading the last few lines of the passage that pertained to Donna. That's pretty much it, CJ hedged, glancing at Donna again over the rim of her glasses. It just goes on to close with, "No matter his rumored feelings for Moss, she would have always been his mistress. Politicking is Lyman's only true love."
Donna raised his her head and stared out the French doors. "His mistress," she repeated with a mix of hurt and dismay in her voice.
CJ glanced down, making sure she'd read that right.
Donna's face was sorrowed as she stared into the nothingness of the dark night. "Maybe that would have been enough."