When Lita looked up her schedule on the app the next morning, there was a surprising absence of her usual training session in the gym. Instead, she was scheduled to assist Flug in the lab after breakfast. And then after lunch there was a commercial filming.
Is he going to have me be in his commercials? Lita thought, glancing down at the bruises on her arms. Hardly think I'm in any shape for that.
At least her eye had healed a little. When she went down to the kitchen for breakfast, she found a warm compress in the first aid kit. As she grabbed a slice of quiche—it'd been the boss' turn to make breakfast—and sat down to eat, she pondered about her conversation with Black Hat yesterday.
It was strange. She hadn't expected him to say anything remotely reassuring. She'd thought he'd scold her for letting herself get injured so many times, or at least make fun of her. And yet…he'd encouraged her to embrace her battle scars. She didn't wear a turtleneck today, but a gray long-sleeve tee that exposed her bruised neck. If Flug asked, she would just shrug it off and say it would heal like the rest.
The kitchen was curiously empty this morning. Where was everybody? Black Hat never joined them for meals, but the others were usually here by now. Unless Dementia had slept in again.
The unsettling quiet made Lita realize how used she'd become to these meals. Even though 5.0.5. didn't talk and Dementia and Flug would spend half the time trying to kill each other, at least she hadn't been alone. She didn't have any friends back home and the last person she'd eaten with who wasn't her father had been Paolo.
The thought of him caused her to slowly lower her fork, her appetite gone.
She decided to just get up to the lab and find Flug before this silent kitchen drove her crazy.
As she approached the airlock doors, she heard several crashing sounds and shrieks.
"You'll never take me alive, nerd!" cried Dementia's voice.
"Who said I wanted you alive?!" shouted Flug's voice.
Coming up to the keypad, Lita pressed the access code. As soon as the doors whizzed open, lasers started flying towards her. Yelping in surprise, Lita dropped to the floor.
"This is the last time you destroy my experiments, Dementia!" she heard Flug shout.
Lita looked up to see Flug holding a walkie talkie in one hand while using the other to shoot a laser gun at Dementia, who was crawling up the wall, which was now embedded with many smoking holes from the lasers. 5.0.5. was curled up under one of the tables, his paws over his eyes as he shook fearfully.
"That all you got, Fluggie?!" Dementia said, hopping onto the table the bear hid under, causing him to squeak.
"Oh, please," Flug said with a huff. "I'm just getting started!" He spoke into the talkie. "Hatbots! Get to the lab and stop Dementia!" He narrowed his eyes at his opponent. "Lethal mode."
Hearing the whirring wheels of Hatbots, Lita decided she didn't want to be caught in the crossfires of…whatever this was. Crawling backward, she moved towards the wall so the dueling henchmen wouldn't spot her. Once she was a fair enough distance from the lab, she sprang up and broke into a run.
She was so focused on getting away that she hadn't been watching where she was going and ended up colliding into someone, falling to the floor. When she looked up and saw that the someone was Black Hat, who did not look happy, she forced a smile.
"Uh…morning, boss."
As if by magic, she was brought up to her feet, most likely from Black Hat's telekinesis. He scowled down at her with his arms folded across his chest.
"Miss Gris," he said slowly, "didn't you receive your schedule this morning?"
"Um, yeah," Lita said, straightening out her shirt.
"And didn't I say you were to be in the lab after breakfast?"
Wanting to ease the tenseness of this encounter, she crossed her arms to mirror him. "You did, sir."
"Then why," he said, leaning towards her, his teeth gritting together, "are you in such a hurry to be in the opposite direction of the lab?!"
Lita gulped. "W-Well, sir, I…I was heading there, but…"
The hallway seemed to grow darker. "But what?!"
She hesitated, not wanting to get her colleagues in trouble. Well, not so much Dementia. Lita was certain Flug had a justified reason for wanting to obliterate her. Then again, if Lita didn't say anything, the two of them might end up destroying the entire lab. If Black Hat hadn't reacted very well to his kitchen being destroyed, she could only imagine what his reaction to this would be.
"Well, uh…" Lita said, leaning backward so she wouldn't have to smell her boss' breath. "F-Flug and Dementia just seemed a bit…preoccupied and I didn't want—"
"They're at it again, aren't they?" he asked bluntly.
She blinked. "If you mean…trying to rip each other apart, sir, then…yeah."
Sighing in exasperation, he moved past her. "Children. Such children!"
Lita followed after him. "Y-You're not going to…punish them…are you, sir?"
"Why should it concern you?" he asked gruffly. "I thought you didn't like Dementia."
"I don't," she said, lightly touching her neck. "B-But…Flug…he's been nice to me."
Stopping in his tracks, Black Hat turned to her, wearing a look of disgust. "You watched the training videos, didn't you?"
Lita nodded.
"Then repeat Rule 10V3 to me."
Groaning, she replied, "'You can't involve love.'" She stiffened. "Oh wait, you're not suggesting…we're just friends!"
He held up a finger. "Rule applies to," he gagged, "friendship as well."
She held up her own finger. "Your rules also say you should never defy your boss. Flug may not be the big boss, but he's still my superior, isn't he? So, shouldn't I respect him as much as you?"
"Careful, Miss Gris." Black Hat gripped his hand into a fist. "You don't want to test me."
"So, I suppose," she said, making her own hand into a fist, "I should try picking fights with my colleagues so that no work ever gets done, huh?"
His scowl dropped.
"Flug talks to me, he gives me advice, he helped treat my injuries. So, yeah, I consider him a friend. I consider 5.0.5. my friend too. So what?" She threw her hands up in the air. "I get it, you know? You're villains. You think all anyone needs is enemies. But if you ask me, I'd rather not be enemies with any of you!" She pointed to her swollen eye. "Look where that gets me! I'm supposed to be working with you, not give you a reason to want to beat me up!"
Black Hat stared at her, stunned. She made an excellent point. Flug and Dementia were enemies which, as a result, got in the way of their work. And it not only led to them battering each other up, but more destruction to Black Hat's house.
"I see what you're saying, Miss Gris."
Lita lowered her fist. "Really?"
"Of course." He grinned. "You pretend to be Flug's friend so he won't vivisect you as he does with his enemies."
"W-What?" Her arms dropped to her sides. "N-No! That's not what I was—"
"While it's a clever ruse," he said, stepping up to her and throwing his arm around her shoulders, "I wouldn't get too attached to anyone. Not even your colleagues." He whispered lowly into her ear. "You don't want to end up wallowing in pathetic misery…should something happen to them."
She leaned away from him. "Are you threatening me?"
"I am simply saying," he said, holding up his free hand, "showing affection means showing weakness. And weaknesses can be used against you." He began walking her down the hallway. "Take your father, for instance. If it hadn't been for his love for his wife, he wouldn't have fallen into debt."
Anger welled up inside Lita at the mention of her parents.
"Rather pointless though, wasn't it? Seeing as she died anyway." He chuckled. "And then poor heartbroken Ricardo turned from a master thief to a drunken bum—"
Not wanting to hear any more of this, Lita wriggled out of his grasp and said, "You gonna stop Flug and Dementia's fight or what?"
The bitterness of her tone did not escape Black Hat. He grinned further, knowing that he had struck a nerve.
"I shall," he said, folding his hands behind his back. "Assuming that you will allow me to inflict any punishment I see fit. Unless," a dark cackle bubbled in his throat, "you're too weak to witness such a thing."
Lita glared sideways at him. "If you think caring for someone is a weakness…you're even sadder than I thought."
This wiped the cocky smile off his face. He'd been so sure referring to her vulnerability would set her off. Had he been wrong?
And what she'd said, calling him sad, it was…it was…well, it was downright insulting!
How could she think me as sad?! ME?! I've lived for millennia, conquered galaxies and defied all gods!
Gripping his hands together to resist the urge to put her head between them, Black Hat quickened his pace so that he was ahead of her.
"Just don't get in my way!" he barked.
When he opened the airlocked doors, Flug and Dementia were still at it. She had him in a headlock atop a pile of Hatbots, while two of the remaining large Hatbots were attempting to pry her off. Flug was waving his laser gun around, missing Dementia and instead blasting other Hatbots rolling over to help. Lita ducked behind Black Hat to avoid the incoming shots. 5.0.5. was still cowering beneath the table.
"Say uncle!" Dementia cried gleefully. "Say uncle!"
"Over my dead body!" Flug shouted, aiming his gun at the arm around his neck.
She shrugged. "That'll work!"
As Dementia tightened her grip on the scientist, Lita peered anxiously from behind her boss, who wore a disapproving look.
"Honestly," he said, rolling his eye as he reached into his coat. "This is just unprofessional."
He took out a small, cylindrical brass whistle. Its hole looked like an open fanged mouth. Just as Flug was about to blast Dementia's arm off, Black Hat raised the whistle to his lips and blew. Lita cocked her head in confusion when no sound came out.
Flug, Dementia and the Hatbots stopped what they were doing and snapped their gazes towards their boss. The Hatbots dropped the henchmen and saluted while Flug, Dementia and 5.0.5. leaped in front of Black Hat, their eyes derped in different directions as they panted and stuck their hands out like obedient puppies.
"What the…?" Lita said. "What kind of a whistle is that?"
Black Hat glanced back at her, looking utterly baffled. Meanwhile, Flug snapped out of his trance.
"Huh?" He squeaked. "Boss! When did you get here?"
Keeping his gaze on Lita, Black Hat blew the whistle again, reverting Flug back to his dog-like state. Lita merely stared at the whistle, unaffected. Stunned, Black Hat peered through the whistle.
"Is this thing defective?"
He glanced down at the puppy-panting trio. The whistle was clearly working. It was Lita who was the problem. He looked back at her.
"This is…new."
"What?" Lita asked.
Finally, the hypnotized trio came back to their senses and leaped to their feet, saluting once they saw their boss.
"B-B-Boss!" Flug exclaimed, shaking. "W-We were just, uh…"
As if only just remembering why he'd come here, Black Hat shook his head. "Yes, right." Clearing his throat, he put the whistle back into his coat.
"Now, you useless weasels," Black Hat said, folding his hands behind his back, "what did I say about brawling in the laboratory?"
Flug and Dementia glanced at each other before saying in squeaky voices, "To not to?"
"So," their boss said, narrowing his eye, "what was it this time?"
"She/He started it!" Flug and Dementia said at the same time, pointing to each other.
"What do you mean I started it?!" Flug demanded.
"You were the one who whipped out the lasers!" Dementia said, forming her fingers into a pretend gun.
"You were the one who started breaking my machines…"
"And you were like, pew, pew, pew, pew!"
"…and knocked over my beakers…"
"You hit the wall you hit the bots…"
"…and tipped over the sulfuric acid and burned a hole in the floor…"
"…and you're a real terrible shot, Fluggie!"
"…not to mention the anti-gravity ray I was working on…"
"You should do target practice on your head! Pew, pew, pew!"
They bickered to a point where they were talking over each other and no one could make out their words. 5.0.5. covered his ears, looking like an upset child who didn't like listening to his parents fight.
"ENOUGH!" Black Hat shouted, wrapping his tentacles around Flug and Dementia, ensuring that their mouths were covered. "I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT! I'M FINISHING IT!"
Glancing at the quivering Hatbots, Black Hat pointed to the doors. "LEAVE US!"
The bots didn't hesitate to roll out of the lab. Black Hat looked around at the damage done. Machines were in pieces, destroyed Hatbots sat in a pile, holes decorated the walls and floors, and shattered glass was scattered everywhere.
"Must you leave a mess every time you two squabble?!" he demanded, tightening his hold on them.
Flug yowled in pain while Dementia let out an excited squeal. Black Hat felt ready to squeeze the life out of both of them.
Then he felt something on his shoulder. Snapping around, he realized it was Lita's hand. His eye met her blue ones, which were wide and pleading. Black Hat's expression softened as the words she'd said earlier came back to him.
No. He was not touched by her words of friendship. It was what she'd said about making enemies with your colleagues, giving them a reason to want to hurt you. The only reason Flug and Dementia had gotten into this fight was because they were only going by his rule: to avoid affection at all costs.
It was a startling realization, but Lita was right. If his colleagues couldn't get along, even if just on a professional level, it would mean more destruction to his property. Could he punish them for just being hateful villains like he wanted? No.
But he could punish them for destroying the lab.
"This feud of yours," Black Hat said, turning back to his ensnared minions, "has gone on long enough. And has cost me too much time and money! So perhaps," he said, grinning, "you two should be spending more…quality time together."
He released his hold on them. Flug gasped for air while Dementia pouted in disappointment.
"And you can start," Black Hat said, summoning a mop and bucket out of thin air, "by CLEANING UP THIS MESS!"
He tossed the cleaning supplies at them. Flug fumbled with the mop while the bucket landed on Dementia's head, drenching her in soapy water.
"Aw, but honeybun!" Dementia said, her voice echoing within the bucket. "Cleaning's boring!" She lifted the rim. "And takes ages!"
"Well then," he said, pushing the bucket back down over her face. "I suggest you get started."
Lita sighed, relieved that Black Hat hadn't physically punished Flug. And also…surprised that he seemed to have taken her advice. Had she…misjudged him?
"And Miss Gris," Black Hat said, turning back to her, "since this was your idea in the first place…"
"What?" Flug said, dropping the mop.
Lita opened her mouth to explain when another bucket and scrub brush was thrust into her hands.
"You can join your," Black Hat said with a chuckle, "friends in their togetherness."
Lita scowled at him. Nope. Still an ass.
"Now," their boss said, addressing all of them, "I expect everything to be in order before our shooting this afternoon! Or else," he said, using his telekinesis to pick up Flug's laser gun, "IT WON'T BE A COMMERCIAL WE'RE SHOOTING!"
"Y-Yes, sir!" Flug squealed, picking up his mop.
5.0.5. saluted, shaking like a rattle.
"Will do, handsome!" Dementia said, peering out from beneath her bucket to send Black Hat a loving gaze.
Lita simply nodded, not sure if she should be scared from Black Hat's threat or…impressed. She had to admit, it was clever wordplay.
With a final growl, Black Hat spun around and left the lab. When the airlocked doors shut behind him, Lita turned to the others. Flug was looking at her in confusion while Dementia was sending one of her usual death glares.
"W-What was he talking about?" Flug asked.
"Nothing," Lita said quickly. "I-I was just a-asking him not to hurt you for fighting in the lab and—"
"Snitch," Dementia said with a huff.
"I didn't snitch! He squeezed it out of—"
"You know what?" Flug said, holding up a hand. "Forget it. Let's just start cleaning before the boss gets back."
5.0.5. left and came back with more cleaning supplies, including a pair of blue rubber gloves for Lita. Dementia had resisted cleaning at first, but then was reminded by Lita that making the room shine would make her beloved very, very happy.
For the first twenty minutes, they worked in silence. Flug was covering up the holes in the walls with wooden planks, Dementia was picking up and or munching on the remains of Flug's inventions, 5.0.5. was sweeping up the glass, while Lita was mopping up the chemical spills. Flug had given her a spare lab coat and goggles, just in case the chemicals should get on her. As she mopped, Lita glanced at her colleagues and could see they were not having fun.
It'd been a while since Lita had been in a group cleaning. At her various old jobs, she and her coworkers would usually fill the void with idle chat, but Dementia and Flug didn't seem to be in the mood for that. Dementia had already hated her, but based on the disapproving looks Flug was sending her, Lita figured he was probably upset that she'd ratted them out.
This reminded her of bathroom duty back in juvie. The other girls there hadn't been very chatty either. Just hours of tense silence, with only the sounds of scrubbing and scraping.
It was like they were in that scene from Annie, when the girls were cleaning the orphanage, complaining about their life and their boss. Without even realizing it, Lita had begun humming the song to herself as she pushed the wet mop to and fro.
She stopped when she realized Flug was staring at her, his eyebrow raised. Biting her lip, Lita returned silently to her mopping.
Then came more humming. Lita looked over at 5.0.5., who seemed to be continuing the song as he dumped the glass shards into the trash. Smiling, Dementia joined in on the next verse.
"Da, da, da, dum," she sang, dropping one metal piece into the trash with each note, "DA, DA, DUM!" She twirled around to pick up more pieces. "Da, da, da, dum, DA, DA, DUM!"
Everyone turned to Flug, who was lifting a new board over one of the holes.
"It's the hard-knock life," he sang weakly.
Lita giggled as she plopped the mop into the bucket. It was funny how these villains had seen that movie too, and knew the song.
She just couldn't help but keeping singing as she continued mopping. "It's the hard-knock life…"
"…for us," Flug and Dementia joined in.
5.0.5. started singing too in his incomprehensible grunts.
"It's the hard-knock life for us.
'Stead of treated
We get tricked."
Flug started hammering to the beat.
"'Stead of kisses…"
Dementia banged two robot arms together as they sang, "We get kicked!"
Flug massaged his backside at the memory of his boss' foot, groaning with the next line. "It's the hard-knock life."
They all glanced at each other, flashing grins. Well, one could only assume Flug was grinning, but he certainly seemed perkier. Dementia ripped the fingers off the robotic arms and started banging them on the table like drumsticks.
"Got no folks to speak of, so
It's the hard-knock row we hoe!
Cotton blankets…"
For two beats, in unison, Flug hammered the nails, Dementia banged her "sticks" together, 5.0.5. tapped his paw on the table and Lita stomped her foot.
"'Stead of wool!
Empty bellies…"
They did the same two beats again, laughing together.
"'Stead of full!
It's the hard-knock—"
"STOP SINGING AND GET BACK TO WORK!" Black Hat's voice boomed out of nowhere.
Everyone fell silent and returned to their tasks. While Lita's eyes wandered, she ended up catching Dementia's. This time, they didn't hold a death glare. Instead, Dementia sent a thumbs-up.
The two girls snickered at what had just happened. Although no one could see it, Flug was smiling under his bag, trying to suppress a giggle of his own.
"I'm telling you, Canis!" Black Hat hollered into the spider-legged rotary dial phone in his office, holding the brass whistle in the other hand. "This whistle you sold me is defective!"
On the other end, there was demonic barking.
"I'm not using it wrong! I blew it! IT'S THE WHISTLE THAT'S NOT WORKING!"
He waited as he listened to the next round of barking.
"Yes, yes, I know! The whistle is meant to summon all inferior minds within a five-mile radius! Well, it worked perfectly on my other subordinates, but one of them was unaffected!" He held the receiver in front of his mouth. "WHY IS THAT?!"
There was deep growling, as if Canis was getting impatient.
"What do you mean it depends on who blows it?" He paused. "The whistle only works on beings inferior to the one who blows it? But has no effect on superiors or equals? That's ridiculous! If what you're saying is true, that would imply…"
He trailed off, his eye widening in realization.
"THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED!" he shouted before slamming the phone down, nearly crushing its spider-like body.
Black Hat began pacing as he studied the whistle in his hand. If it was meant to control beings inferior to him, it hadn't worked on Lita because…she wasn't inferior?
"He can't be right," he murmured, quickening his pace. "She isn't…no one's…" He growled angrily. "NO ONE'S SUPERIOR THAN ME!"
He ended up crushing the whistle in his grip. Not caring, he tossed it over his shoulder.
Could it be? Was it possible for anyone to be superior to him? Black Hat, conqueror of worlds, dealer of souls and king of nightmares?
He shook his head. "No, no, no! That blasted dog demon was just trying to get my goat! Yes, that's it! Tried to make fun of me!"
He made a mental note to pick him up as the next test subject for Dr. Flug's experiments.
Whether Canis had been lying or not, the whistle hadn't worked on Lita. Whatever the reason, it meant Black Hat didn't have control over one of his subordinates. Not just in terms of the whistle.
He'd been ready to punish Flug and Dementia severely, but had stopped. All because Lita had looked at him with her big, baby-blue eyes. Why, why, why had that look of hers affected him?! Why, why, why had he given into her little friendship and caring speech?!
No. It hadn't been about friendship. Or baby-blue eyes. It had been about the logic of her words. Even if she had been right, Black Hat should not have agreed with her!
He stopped in his tracks, stiffening as a terrifying thought occurred to him.
If word got out that he couldn't control one of his minions, other villains would think that he'd lost his touch! He'd lose his credibility, his business, his money! With his evil empire gone, he'd become what he'd feared he'd become for centuries! A has-been, a relic, a forgotten figure.
Lita's voice echoed in his head. What are you afraid of?
Crying in frustration, Black Hat placed his hands on either side of his head. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!"
It was that woman. She was messing with his mind! But he wouldn't let her. He'd gain control over her, before she could gain control over him!
I came across an AMV of "Villainous" with the song from Annie and then was reminded of the scene from "The Big Bang Theory" and...well, it snuck its way as a little co-worker bonding moment.
The whistle thing was in the orientation Q&A video. I just made up the idea that Black Hat got it from a dog demon ("Canis" means "dog" in Latin).