I promise the plot will be moving forward next chapter. For now, FLUFF!
Get ready for the crossover aspect "Villainous" is famous for!
Days turned into weeks, which quickly turned into months, and Lita had grown accustomed to her bizarre situation. The routine was easy to fall into: get up, eat breakfast, complete list of daily chores, lunch, engage in deadly combat, dinner, then bed. Unless there was a heist that night.
Her training sessions were getting less tiring with the continued practice. Though still challenging, now that she was introduced to a new weapon every other day. She still preferred the knife, though it was kind of fun trying her hand at other weapons. She particularly liked the fencing lessons from Black Hat.
Even her cooking was getting better, thanks to guidance from 5.0.5. and Flug. She still kept to simple recipes like pasta, eggs and soup, but she'd had enough practice not to have someone looming over her shoulder all the time. Still, the fear of accidentally burning the food or Dementia slipping in an explosive again lingered.
Fortunately, cabin fever wasn't so much a problem anymore with Black Hat planning a heist at least once a week. The objects were always small, but valuable and heavily guarded. From rare jewels to art pieces to equipment Flug needed for his experiments.
Then there were her colleagues. Flug, of course, was pleasant company and good for conversation. He would go on and on about his experiments, though Lita noticed he never revealed anything about his personal life. Although 5.0.5. couldn't talk, his presence alone was comforting, and he and Lita had spent several evenings before bed playing video games. Even Dementia had become more tolerable. She didn't seem as hostile as before, though there was the occasional childish prank that Flug said was to be expected from her. Lita had also noticed that since her weapons-wielding privileges were approved, Dementia had seemed more…nervous around her. Perhaps the lizard-girl had finally realized that Lita wasn't someone you wanted to mess with.
As for Black Hat…he was still a mystery. They were all mysteries, but Lita at least knew where her relationships stood with the others. But her boss was too much an enigma for her to figure out. Some days, he would be a grumpy old tyrant threatening to wring her neck if she didn't do as she was told. Other days, he would act like a gentleman, praising her progress. There were even days he'd insist she'd spend time with him. "For training," he always said. She had no reason to question it, as it was usually an unplanned sparring or chess match. But they seemed to be happening more frequently as of late.
What was even more puzzling was how she felt about all this attention from Black Hat. Dementia obviously despised Lita for it, but how did Lita feel? Well, she wasn't exactly sure. She didn't hate it. The demon actually wasn't so horrible to be around, as long as you didn't make him mad. What she didn't like was his pressuring her to be eviler. Was her stealing not enough for him? He hadn't yet ordered her to do anything drastic, but it was only a matter of time.
That was the biggest downside to her situation. Although she was getting along with her colleagues, and actually taking some pleasure in her work, she had no freedom. She couldn't choose her own path. She never left the mansion without supervision, and it was only for heists. Flug ran errands in town, 5.0.5. took Dementia out for walks, and all three of them had special missions of their own.
And she missed her father. Phone calls weren't enough. And they certainly weren't private, so Lita couldn't get everything off her chest to him. She wanted to see him in person, even if for a short while.
Lita pondered over all of this as she conducted her chores for the day, a yellow kerchief keeping her hair out of her face. She didn't mind cleaning, as it kept her busy, and gave her time to think.
With Flug, Dementia and 5.0.5. out on a hero-capturing mission, the mansion was especially quiet. Not that Lita was particularly interested in taking out heroes, but she couldn't help but wonder exactly what went on during those missions, especially what purpose non-violent 5.0.5. served.
The only job worse than feeding unidentifiable meat to the flytraps in the greenhouse was bathroom duty. Lita sighed in exasperation upon entering the bathroom next to Dementia's room. Toilet paper was everywhere, the ceiling, the walls, the sink. "BATHZ R 4 DORKZ" was spray-painted on the wall next to the tub. The worst was the toilet itself, wrapped up like a mummy and covered in pee.
"Honestly," Lita murmured, grabbing a trash bag and toilet brush from her cleaning cart. "Is she even housebroken?"
She was in the middle of scrubbing the toilet bowl when suddenly, water shot out of the toilet, forming a large hand. Before Lita could gasp, the watery hand snatched her up and she had to close her mouth to keep herself from swallowing as she was pulled into the toilet.
Barely five seconds went by that Lita suddenly found herself in Black Hat's office, behind his desk, soaking in toilet water. Thankfully, she'd already flushed the pee-drenched toilet paper.
Her boss sat in his chair beside her, chuckling at her ridiculous state. Scowling, she placed her hands on her hips.
"You could've just called!"
"Now, now, Miss Ladrona," Black Hat said, tossing a towel into her face. "Is that any way to behave in front of a client?"
Lowering the towel, Lita was shocked to discover someone sitting in the chair across from Black Hat. The man was clearly not human, as his skin was blue and his bald head was the size of a watermelon. He looked like one of those stereotypical space aliens. His outfit screamed evil villain, as it was made of black leather, studded with spikes and accessorized with a high collar cape. His bulbous head was tilted to the side as his green eyes looked strangely at Lita. Embarrassed that she was drenched in toilet water, she quickly began drying herself off.
I'm so taking a long shower after this!
"You didn't tell me we had company," she murmured to her boss.
"Mr. Megamind here has a problem with a…seemingly indestructible hero," Black Hat said, turning to his client. "Perhaps, Miss Ladrona, you can lend us a fresh perspective."
"That's your evil henchgirl?" the villain, Megamind, said, raising an eyebrow. "She looks more like a maid than a minion."
Lita's face turned red at that comment. It was true, she was dressed for cleaning in her t-shirt, jeans, kerchief and rubber gloves. However, being Latina, she didn't quite appreciate being called a maid, when cleaning wasn't her main duty.
"How do you know I wasn't cleaning up a dead body?" she said flatly, stretching the towel out in her hands.
Megamind stared at her with wide eyes, clearly intimidated. Black Hat snorted with laughter.
"Lita Ladrona is my latest recruit," he said, gesturing to her proudly. "As you have probably gathered, she's not as innocent as she looks. But she is still learning, so I hope you don't mind her joining us."
Lita thought this was a little strange. She'd never interacted with clients before. Every time the doorbell had rung, Black Hat had ordered that she complete a task as far away from his office as possible. She never questioned it, as she had no interest in his villainous clients, and based on Megamind's reaction to her, she figured it was for appearance's sake. It didn't explain why 5.0.5. was allowed around clients, though.
Then it occurred to her that everyone else was out of the house at the moment. So, whatever the problem was, Black Hat must've been desperate for help to call upon her without warning. She wasn't sure how helpful she'd be though, as she didn't know anything about defeating heroes.
Megamind seemed to be wary of her capability too, as he rolled his eyes. "Whatever. So long as she doesn't interrupt me like some women I know."
Black Hat sent her a warning, sideways glance, as if to say, "Do not speak, unless spoken to."
Nodding, Lita stood erect at her boss' side with her hands behind her back.
"Mr. Megamind," Black Hat said, "tell Miss Ladrona what you just told me."
The client let out an exasperated sigh, as if he'd told this story numerous times. "It all began when I was eight days old and my home planet was being sucked into a black hole…"
"…and despite me being superior in intellect, Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes somehow manages to foil all my plans! Oh, sure, he has brute strength, fancy flying and amazing hair, but can he solve the square root of 47.59? No, I assure you, he cannot!"
It took all Lita's willpower, and customer service experience, to keep her smile up. Megamind had been ranting for what felt like hours. Honestly, this guy's ego could rival Black Hat's.
"Black Hat Organization has dealt with heroes of all levels of power," Black Hat said in a calm but clearly tired voice. "Even the seemingly overpowered ones have weaknesses."
"I've tried everything!" Megamind exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. "Hacksaws, lasers, spikes, Spi-ider Bots, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Kittens…"
Lita glanced sideways at her boss. The disgruntled look he gave her seemed to say, "See what I'm dealing with?"
"But it doesn't even leave a scratch!" Megamind shouted. "The man is completely invulnerable!"
"No one's invulnerable," Black Hat said, his gaze still on Lita. "Does this Metro Man have someone he cares about?"
The client seemed to perk up at this question. "Yes, yes. His girlfriend. A nosy reporter by the name of Roxanne Ritchi." He groaned. "But I've already kidnapped her numerous times!"
Black Hat raised an eyebrow. "You mean you haven't killed her yet?"
Megamind stiffened. "K-Killed her? W-Why would I…? How would I lure Metro Man in if I killed her?"
The demon sighed. "He's a hero. Literally any ordinary citizen he's sworn to protect would serve as effective bait."
"B-But he'd be even more inclined to protect his girlfriend! He comes flying every time she's in trouble!"
"But if she were dead," Black Hat said slowly, circling his hands in the air for emphasis, "he'd be in mourning, ergo too emotional to continue his heroic work effectively."
His nonchalance about this made Lita uncomfortable, but she had to admit he had a point. The best way to get under someone's skin was to go after someone they cared about. However, from the way Megamind was biting his lip, he didn't seem too keen on the idea of murdering this Roxanne Ritchi.
"I-It would be too much of a hassle to find a new kidnapping victim!" he insisted. "I-I'd have to find the ideal candidate, find out where they live, learn what intimidates them…"
Black Hat rolled his eye. "You find someone to abduct, and then you render them unconscious and immobile. It's not rocket science!"
"Yes, it is! Do you have any idea how long it took me to perfect a knock-out spray that didn't contain any toxins and didn't leave Miss Ritchi unconscious for too little or too long?"
"Didn't contain any…?" The demon facepalmed himself. "Who cares if the victim is intoxicated?! It only makes your job easier!"
"Oh no. Last time I gave Miss Ritchi a faulty spray, she was more a blabbermouth than usual."
Black Hat frowned. "What do you mean more than usual?"
Megamind groaned. "That annoying woman won't stop talking! She's always interrupting my villainous monologues, criticizing my ingenious inventions, and spoiling my plans to Metro Man during our video calls!"
"Have you considered cutting out her tongue?" Black Hat asked flatly, pressing his fingertips firmly together. "Or at least gagging her?"
"Nonsense!" Megamind huffed. "How are we supposed to engage in witty back-and-forth banter if she can't speak?"
The demon slammed his fists on his desk. "She's supposed to be your victim, you fool! Not your dinner guest!"
As the two men went back and forth, Lita noticed Megamind's blue face taking on a peculiar shade of purple. It seemed to grow darker the more he talked about this reporter.
"Miss Ladrona!" Black Hat shouted suddenly, making her jump. "Kindly explain to Mr. Megamind why he should discontinue his abduction of a disruptive victim!"
Lita didn't answer right away. She'd concluded why this villain was so insistent on continuing his kidnapping of this particular woman. But she knew her boss wouldn't like the reason.
"Oh, um…" Lita bit her lip. "Actually, boss, I was wondering…why don't you just get Flug and the others to take this, uh, Metro Man out?"
"Poppycock!" Megamind crossed his arms. "I will not give someone else the glory of defeating my archnemesis!"
"It would take me less than two minutes," Black Hat mumbled under his breath.
The client stood out of his seat. "You dare insinuate that I, Megamind, the Master of All Villainy, am incompetent?!"
Black Hat also stood. "You think you're the Master of All Villainy?! I'll have you know I've single-handedly defeated thousands of heroes! And you've defeated…how many was it again?"
Megamind slammed his hands on the desk. "You've never faced a foe like Metro Man!"
"If I had, he would be dead already!"
Lita knew if she didn't come up with something fast, one of them wasn't going to make it out alive. Of course, that was going to be the one who wasn't immortal. The gears started turning in her head, trying to come up with a solution that would satisfy both her boss and the client.
"I built my own Dehydration Gun when I was six!" Megamind said, whipping out a glowing blue ray gun.
Black Hat huffed. "My Dr. Flug built one of those when he was five!"
"Yes, but does his have multiple settings?!"
Great, now they're comparing weapons.
"Hey, um, boss?" Lita said.
"You mass-produce your guns," Megamind said, pointing, "but mine are homemade!"
"Excuse me?"
"And tacky, if you ask me!" Black Hat said.
Megamind gasped. "Well, excuse me if you didn't grow up in a prison and had to make everything out of—"
Scowling, Lita put two fingers in her mouth and whistled loud enough to silence the men. They turned to her, both looking annoyed.
"If you girls are finished bickering," she said, clearing her throat, "I have an idea."
Megamind scoffed. "I thought I said no inter—"
"Would you like to hear it or not?" she said, shooting him a warning look.
He shut his mouth and sat down. Half-impressed, Black Hat also sat back in his seat. Both gazes were on Lita, pressuring her to continue. She took a deep breath.
"Okay. So, you say this, uh, Roxanne has a big mouth, right?"
"Right," Megamind said slowly, not sure where she was going with this.
"Why not…use it to your advantage?"
She glanced at her boss, unable to read his expression. His hand gestured for her to go on.
"I mean," she said, twiddling her fingers, "if she's, uh…always blabbing your plans to Metro Man, if she, err, thought the plan was different than what it really was, you could…you know, trick Metro Man into thinking…"
Megamind's eyes widened. "Yes, yes! I see what you're saying!" His fingers entwined as he pondered aloud. "What if…what if…what if I took her somewhere, made it look like somewhere else, so…when Metro Man shows up at the other place to save her, when she's at the fake place with me…I'll spring my trap!"
Lita sighed, relieved that he'd caught on to her thinking.
"You'd be making the victims think they have the upper hand," Black Hat said thoughtfully, "when in reality, it is you pulling the strings." He locked gaze with Lita. "Brilliant."
"Oh," Megamind said with a groan. "But I wouldn't be able to trap him for long! I still don't know his weakness!"
"Perhaps my scientist can come up with a few ideas in that department. He's away on business at the moment, but if you don't mind coming back a little later…"
Megamind nodded. "Yes, yes. Let's see…they'll be opening the new Metro Man museum in a few months. That'll give me plenty of time to… How does next week sound?"
After a minute of scheduling talk, both men stood up and shook hands.
"It's been a pleasure meeting with you, Lord Black Hat," Megamind said. "Oh! How much do I owe you?"
Black Hat grinned mischievously. "We'll discuss payment after your hero is defeated."
"Yes, yes, of course." He turned to Lita to shake hands with her. "You as well, Miss Ladrona, have been especially helpful!"
"You're welcome, Mr. Megamind." She smiled politely. "Good luck with your murder plan."
He turned back to Black Hat. "I see why you keep her around."
Black Hat couldn't tell if he was referring to Lita's ingenuity, or her sense of humor. Frankly, he found both qualities appealing.
"Thank you." The demon leaned forward. "Now get out."
Once the client had left—quite hastily—Black Hat faced his subordinate. "Not too shabby for your first consultation. Though next time," he said as the room grew darker, "you could avoid the rude interruptions."
Lita placed her hands on her hips. "Well, sorry, but someone had to stop your dick-measuring contest!" She glanced at the door. "Are all you villains that egotistical, or do you just act that way around women?"
Black Hat grunted, but didn't hide the smirk forming on his face. "I was about to give up on that idiot. Your advice was the only one he'd listen to. Why that fool doesn't take my advice and just kill the reporter or kidnap someone else is beyond me!"
"I think I know," she said, leaning onto his desk.
"Then by all means," he said sarcastically, "enlighten me!"
"He likes her."
Black Hat looked at her incredulously. "What?"
"It was pretty obvious," she said, crossing her arms, "though I doubt he knows it himself, with his reaction to your suggestion to killing her. Not to mention he was so excited and blushing when he talked about her."
"That's…ridiculous." The demon shook his head. "She's the hero's girlfriend!"
Lita shrugged. "We can't help who we're attracted to. I'm telling you. He says he kidnaps her just for bait, but it's like you said, any citizen can fill that role. He just likes having her around. That's the real reason he kidnaps her, and doesn't want to really harm her at the same time."
Black Hat narrowed his eye, unimpressed with her conclusion. "If your…assumption is correct, this man is not worth my time."
She rolled her eyes. "So he has a little crush, so what?"
"So what?!" he exclaimed. "Rule 10V3 is there for a reason! A villain should focus more on defeating his nemesis! Not flirting with kidnapping victims!"
She snorted. "Oh, like you've never flirted with your victims!"
He knew precisely what she was alluding to. "Not sincerely."
He sat down and grabbed the newspaper on his desk.
"You mean to tell me you've never found anyone attractive in your life?" Lita asked, finding it hard to believe with how old he was. "Not even a little?"
"Bah!" Black Hat opened up the paper and pretended to read. "I'm sure by human standards, you're plenty attractive, but I couldn't possibly care less!"
Lita raised an eyebrow at him. "That's…not what I asked.
He was lucky his flushed expression was hidden behind the paper.
"Don't you have toilets to clean?" he asked gruffly.
Recalling how she'd gotten here, Lita held up her hands as she left. "I'll walk, thank you very much."
A harsh, discordant pounding jolted Lita out of her dreamless sleep. After taking a few seconds to process her surroundings, she realized it was organ music. Groaning, Lita grabbed her pillow and slammed it over her head.
She'd heard Black Hat's organ playing before. Sometimes, the music would echo through the halls, loud enough for someone to hear on the top floor—and three blocks down, she figured. It was stimulating while doing her chores, but right now it was the middle of the night, and Black Hat's current choice of song was loud and disruptive.
She wouldn't put it past him if he had woken her up on purpose.
Unable to block out the incessant banging, Lita threw off her pillow and comforter and jumped out of bed. "Enough is enough!"
As she stomped out of her room and to the elevator, Lita contemplated what she was doing. On one hand, yelling at Black Hat to keep the noise down probably wasn't the smartest idea. On the other hand, her rude interruption from sleep had made her really, really cranky! Villain or not, there was such a thing as common courtesy!
Just because he doesn't need to sleep, doesn't mean he has to keep the rest of us awake!
She wondered if the others were awake too. They probably didn't want to be the ones to bother—and possibly anger—Black Hat. But Lita wasn't scared. If she wasn't going to get any sleep, she might as well complain about it.
The elevator opened up at the basement level, which was really just evil talk for "dungeon." The torchlit stone-walled hallway didn't creep Lita out as she stomped down it. She didn't even acknowledge Black Hat's monster-sized clone as it roared at her from his cell. The only sound that mattered to her was the melodious racket coming from the large, wooden double-doors at the very end.
As Lita pulled on the metal rings to open the doors, she started to shout, "Would you mind keeping it d—?!"
The next chord was so loud, the doors flew wide open, knocking Lita backwards to the floor. Growling, Lita stood back up and smoothed out the front of her white pajamas.
Oh boy, am I gonna give him a hell of an earful!
She stomped into the organ chamber, which was really more like an underground cavern, with a small river flowing in through a sewer drain, curving into a semi-circle. A red carpet stretched from the entrance up some stone steps. At the top of those steps was the massive instrument of disruption, its owner seated at the bench.
The best way Lita could describe the organ was if steampunk and horror had blended into a single instrument. The metal pipes curved up and outwards, and were so large it was no wonder Lita could hear the music from all the way upstairs. The pipes at the very top were carved into the shapes of skeleton torsos, crowning an emblem of a skull wearing a black top hat. Needless to say, it suited him.
Lita started marching up to him, prepared to shout at him to keep the noise down! That he should be more considerate of people trying to sleep! Especially those that had to get up early in the morning to work for him! Yes, that's what she would say!
She hadn't even made it to the steps when she paused.
If Black Hat had heard her come in, he hadn't acknowledged her, as he was so invested in his playing. It suddenly occurred to Lita that she'd never seen Black Hat play. Heard it, yes, but never actually seen him at the organ.
He was hunched over, exerting all his force on the keys, most likely to make it as loud as possible. And yet, his fingers moved swiftly, so much so that they seemed to fly. Lita watched as his arms stretched to reach the keys on the higher board and made them longer to get the ones on the very ends. With every key played, green light shot out of their corresponding pipes.
Now that she was a little more awake, Lita recognized the song, and wasn't really surprised Black Hat would choose something both classical and eerie. She then noticed he didn't even have sheet music in front of him, just an array of lit black candles. He must've known the song by heart. And he played it…pretty well, actually. Loud, but powerful. His fingers didn't miss a beat, and not a single note was without passion.
The sight was…surreal. Like a scene out of The Phantom of the Opera. With his back turned to her, she considered pulling a Christine. Only since there was no mask to remove, maybe she could take off his hat. He was never without it, and she wondered what was underneath. Maybe an embarrassing bald spot? She laughed internally at the thought. It would be the perfect way to get back at him for waking her up!
Before she could even take a step forward, however, Black Hat suddenly stopped playing. His head then spun a hundred-eighty degrees, a wide grin on his face.
"Holy shit!" Lita shouted as she stumbled backward.
"Don't even think about it," he hissed, lifting his legs as he spun the rest of his body around.
She held a hand over her heart as she tried to get over the shock. "W-What are you—?"
"I've read The Phantom of the Opera, and seen the stage adaptation and its inferior film," he said, pressing his fingertips together. "Don't deny that you were tempted to do something mischievous while my back was turned. Unluckily for you, I heard you coming the moment you got off the elevator."
How does he hear anything with that noise?
He whirled back to face his organ. "Don't you have work in the morning?"
Remembering why she was here, Lita crossed her arms. "Yeah? Well, it's hard to sleep with all that racket you're making!"
Chuckling, Black Hat traced his finger across the lower keyboard. "Did I wake you, then?"
"You kidding?" She stomped up the steps. "The whole island is probably awake by now! Would it kill ya to keep it down?!"
He glanced back at her out of the corner of his eye. Her face was flushed with fury. He'd be angry at her for trying to command him if she didn't look so adorable right now.
"I suppose…it wouldn't," he said innocently.
"So you'll stop playing?" Lita demanded. "Or at least be quieter?"
He pretended to think about it. "No."
To prove his point, Black Hat slammed down onto the keys. This chord was so loud, Lita covered her ears in an attempt to stop them from ringing. Black Hat cackled at her misery.
"Since you're awake, Miss Ladrona, why not stay?" he said. "I do like an audience."
Lita huffed as he continued where he left off, still at an impossible volume. She was still enraged at him, but she couldn't help but admire how he was able to just pick up the song again without even pausing to recall. Sighing, she walked up to him and watched his fingers fly. Up close, she could see them extending where necessary, not only allowing him to reach the keys, but to put more pressure on them, which would explain how he was able to play so easily at such a high volume.
Realizing yelling wasn't going to get him to stop, Lita decided to try a different approach. Maybe if she bothered him with idle chat, he'd have no choice but to stop playing so she could go back to bed, or at least be too distracted by her to continue.
"That's Bach, right?" she said, pointing to the keys. "'Toccata and Fugue in D minor?'"
He stopped playing. Huh, that was easy.
Black Hat turned to her, wearing a look of pleasant surprise. "I'm impressed. Not many humans know what the piece is actually called."
Okay, so he's not annoyed, but at least he's stopped.
"My mom was a music teacher, remember?" Lita said. "Back before we sold our piano, she'd play all sorts of classical music."
She smiled slightly at the memory of her mother sitting at her piano, Lita's younger self sitting beside her on the bench as she listened.
"Is that so?" Black Hat said, a playful smile on his lips. "Well, then. Are you familiar with…?"
Without taking a breath—not that he needed to breathe—he slammed the lower keyboard, playing eight specific chords.
"That one's easy," Lita said with a small laugh. "Beethoven's 5th."
"Very good." Black Hat's shoulders relaxed. "How about this one?"
The next melody he played was softer, though at the tempo he was playing it still sounded chaotic.
"'In the Hall of the Mountain King,'" Lita said. "Mom used to play that every Halloween."
Black Hat chuckled as he started a new song. This was one often played at funerals. It had been played at Lita's mother's funeral.
"I, uh," she said, her smile dropping, "forgot the name, but…I know it's by Chopin."
"Piano Sonata No. 2 in B-flat minor," he said, keeping his gaze on her as he continued at an…oddly slower tempo. "Your mother had excellent taste."
"Yeah," Lita said quietly. "She liked all types of music, of course, but she always said music would be nothing today without the classical composers."
"She's correct." His playing was growing softer too. "I must say, the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries were indeed my favorite. Such exquisite art, music, bloody revolutions…"
"Would explain your taste in fashion," she said, eyeing his tailcoat and spats. "Did you spend a lot of time in Victorian England or something?"
"I spent a whole European tour those two centuries." He chuckled throatily. "Not sure what it is about that particular continent, but it breeds the most malicious of souls."
"You're not wrong," Lita said, shivering as she recalled the Mexican History lessons on the colonial period.
"Take that Napoleon Bonaparte, for instance. Now there was a conqueror! What he lacked in stature he made up for in military strategy." He huffed. "If only he'd listened to me about that blasted Battle of Waterloo being a lost cause from the beginning!"
"You knew Napoleon?"
"Napoleon, Stalin, Lenin, I knew them all."
"Even," Lita said, looking at him uneasily, "H-Hitler?"
Black Hat scoffed. "That fool had the charisma, but the brains of a four-year-old! He didn't realize that by eradicating every single religious, ethnic, and sexual minority in the world, there'd hardly be anyone left to rule over! Not that I minded the waste he laid to Europe, but it was all poorly planned, just poorly planned."
Wow, Lita thought. Not how I would describe the gruesome massacre of millions of innocents, but…he called Hitler an idiot so I guess it's okay?
"A real conqueror murders without prejudice."
Okay, time to change the subject.
"You're pretty good at that organ, boss," she finally admitted. "Is that the only instrument you play?"
"I've learned to play every instrument known to man." He smirked at her. "Or woman."
"Right." She looked up at the massive organ. "No sleep, lots of free time."
"But I find the organ…stimulating. I also keep a violin."
"You'll have to show me that sometime."
Lita silently cursed herself. Why the hell did I say that?
"Perhaps." Once he finished the sonata, Black Hat turned his body towards her. "Do you play?"
"Eh." Lita made a so-so sign with her hand. "Mom tried to teach me piano, but…it didn't stick as much as the fighting. I do remember one song though."
Scooting to his left, Black Hat patted the space beside him.
"Oh no." She held up her hands. "Trust me, it's not a song you'd like, boss."
"Humor me," he said, gesturing to the instrument.
In truth, Black Hat had been starving for entertainment all night, hence why he was at the organ. If he woke anyone up…well, he'd have the pleasure of annoying them. He hadn't expected Lita to actually come down and demand that he be silent. But then again, she was full of surprises.
It'd been so long since he'd discussed classical music with anyone. Flug had learned the flute, but was always too nervous around Black Hat to make any small talk; and Dementia had that annoying electric guitar of hers. Only reason he hadn't crushed that guitar was because it annoyed Flug too. But Lita actually knew the songs Black Hat enjoyed playing and seemed to have an appreciation for them. He was interested to see what little musical talent she possessed.
After all, he needed a good laugh.
"Okay," Lita said as she sat down beside him. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
Placing her index fingers on the lower keyboard, she tried her best to transfer her piano knowledge to organ. She figured the keys were similar. Sighing, she played the first few notes of "Chopsticks." Black Hat snorted as she played the childish tune. She wasn't used to the extra pressure that needed to be placed on organ keys, so it was amusing watching her struggle.
"Told ya," she said, gazing up at the green light shooting out of the pipes. "Huh. Didn't sound this…scary on the piano."
"That's what I admire about the organ," he said, looking up at his instrument proudly. "It can make anything sound terrifying." He glanced down with a smirk. "Especially when you can do this."
He pressed down on one of the foot pedals. Lita jumped as a low, echoing note was added to her choppy playing.
"Oh wow," she said. "That does sound cool."
Black Hat placed his hands on the lower keys and played a few sharp chords to accompany hers. She noticed him hit a few flats, making the melody much more discordant. Laughing, Lita pressed some black keys herself where they were not needed. With a chuckle, Black Hat slithered his arm beneath hers, stretching it far enough to reach the highest note at the very end. He hit it several times in a staccato, enough to hurt Lita's ears. But she didn't mind, it only made her laugh more.
The song didn't sound anything like "Chopsticks" anymore. By this point, Lita had abandoned the score and was hitting random keys, but Black Hat's improvisation was making it sound…well, good. The music was all over the place, and loud as hell, but it didn't sound like noise to Lita. The cacophony they were making was chaotic, but also…playful. She was pretty sure the entire island was awake by now, but she didn't care, she was having so much fun!
She understood why he'd chosen to come down here in the middle of the night. There was some thrill to feeling such powerful vibrations at your fingertips, and to hear them pound in your ears at the same time. It made you feel alive, in control. And when there was so much sound echoing around you, nothing else mattered. In this case, not even the notes mattered.
Just then, a cold feeling on her left hand snapped Lita out of her thoughts. There was silence as she looked to see Black Hat's gloved hand over hers.
Then she suddenly remembered who was next to her.
She looked up at his face, and found that he was staring at her. His eye was wide and his mouth was in a small, straight line. For a second, Lita thought he was going to yell at her for getting in his way, but he remained silent. In fact, he didn't seem angry at all.
Realizing their hands were still touching, Lita blushed as she yanked hers away.
"I, um…" She rubbed her hand in an attempt to warm it. "I should be getting back to bed."
But before she could turn around, Black Hat snatched her right arm and she found herself locking gaze with him again.
"Stay."
His tone was…strange. It wasn't harsh like a command, but…soft, like a…plea?
Lita blinked in confusion. "B-But…I have work in—"
"I'm your boss," he said sternly. "I'll say when you have work."
With no other argument to make, Lita simply nodded. Releasing her arm, Black Hat began a new song. The peaceful melody caused the woman to raise an eyebrow.
"'Moonlight Sonata?'"
"It's Beethoven," he said simply.
She placed her hands on her lap. "I just didn't expect you to be into the…well, it's not about death or anything."
"I can still appreciate the melody," Black Hat said with a growl. "And I'm in the mood for it."
"Makes sense," she said with a shrug. "Sometimes I'll be in the mood for some classic rock. Or Taylor Swift."
She felt the disapproving gaze before she saw it.
"What? Her songs are relatable to a girl like me."
"That woman's a bit too perky for my taste, but…I can appreciate her vengeful streaks."
She raised an eyebrow, surprised that he would know any of her music at all.
"As you've said, I have a lot of free time." He smirked. "I may be partial to composers like Beethoven, but I will admit this last century has bred a few geniuses. Like that Bowie fellow and the one that calls himself Voltaire."
Lita giggled. "'When You're Evil' is pretty much your theme song, isn't it?"
"I'd play it on here, but it's better suited for violin."
She couldn't keep the smile off her face as she watched him play some more. There was no denying how casual this felt. Making small talk with her boss while he played the organ. Reminded her of those evenings she'd spend with her mother at the piano. It was…kind of nice. And weird, seeing a murderous demon play an instrument so passionately. What he'd said about being in the mood reminded her of something her mother had once said. Real musicians play what's in their hearts. When their mood changes, so does the music.
If he was playing something so tranquil as "Moonlight Sonata," a big jump from the harsh, Halloween-type music from before; she wondered if his mood had changed. And what could have caused it?
Black Hat was quite surprised at how…pleasant it was having Lita here. But he liked her company. The last person to sit with him at the organ had been his teacher.
Most people were put off by his organ playing, considering how aggressive it was. That was usually his intention, anyway. But having someone actually pay attention to the music was new to him. And playing with someone had been unexpectedly enjoyable. True, Lita had no musical talent, but it had been fun nonetheless, creating musical mayhem together. He could only imagine how much unpleasantness they had caused to the rest of the household.
Then his hand had touched hers and he had felt…unusually warm. He couldn't explain it, but he found himself suddenly…at peace. He didn't know why, but he knew it was because Lita was at his side. That's why he couldn't let her leave. Not just yet.
When Black Hat enjoyed something, he'd indulge in it until it was no longer satisfying. In this case, it was Lita's company. She would stay here until he was tired of her.
Surprisingly though, that never happened. Even when Black Hat grew tired of the organ and stopped, he found himself still conversing with Lita. The topics were unexpectantly normal, from music, to film, to literature.
"Still can't believe you're into stuff like Phantom of the Opera," she said.
"The Phantom was an accomplished villain," Black Hat said, crossing his arms. "And although you humans have romanticized him, he was actually far dastardlier in real life."
Her eyes widened. "Wait. The Phantom of the Opera was real?!"
"Who do you think taught me the organ?"
She scoffed. "If my mom could hear this! She loved that musical! So, what about the whole Christine thing?"
Black Hat rolled his eye. "The fool hears one pretty voice and suddenly decides he'd like to get married! I told him the girl would lead to his downfall! But did he listen? No! Instead he risks getting discovered by the authorities, and when he actually has the girl, he has the stupidity to fall for her pretty words and let her go!"
"I think it's kinda sweet," Lita said. "I mean sure the guy was insane and a bit possessive, but like I said, no one's one hundred percent evil. At least once he realized what he did was wrong, he let the girl he loved go."
Her boss snorted in disgust. "If you're going to keep someone against their will, no matter what your intentions are, you don't let them go! If it had been me, I would've shown that girl who was in charge and wrung her pretty little neck if she disobeyed me!"
"You're such a romantic," she said sarcastically.
"That's why you can't involve love in this line of work. The minute you start to show emotion, someone will use it to their advantage, as Christine did to the Phantom."
"What if she had loved him back? You know, like in the fanfics."
He huffed. "That would've been worse. Having someone you care about means having something your enemies can use against you. It would've been easy for someone to defeat the Phantom, for instance. All they would've had to do was threaten Christine."
"He did do crazy things for her." Lita sighed. "Maybe it's a good thing I'm not allowed to fall in love. You'd barbeque the guy before I'd even get one date in."
Black Hat growled. "I'd flail any man who so much as looks at you!"
She cocked her head at him. Black Hat froze once he realized how…questionable that sounded.
"A-And by that," he said, clearing his throat, "I mean that I will not allow my employees any…distractions. Flug was lucky I allowed his little plaything to live after he agreed to break it off."
Lita suddenly felt sick, remembering what Flug had said about being in love once. It didn't really surprise her, to be honest, that Black Hat had had something to do with the relationship ending. Still, she didn't feel so comfortable anymore.
"Must get really lonely then," she muttered.
"What?" he croaked.
"I mean…I get where the Phantom was coming from. He'd been alone all his life living in an underground cavern, nothing but his music—and apparently demons like you—to keep him company. So…when he meets someone who loves music as much as he does, naturally, he doesn't feel so alone anymore. If only he'd realized that Christine was a person, not an object you can simply take, he probably would've had a chance."
"Please," Black Hat said with a huff. "A real villain doesn't need anybody."
Lita glanced around, a confusing realization coming to her. "Why am I here then?"
She caught his open-mouthed expression. After what felt like several minutes of silence, Lita explained her question further.
"I mean…the way I see it, you could very well do everything yourself. I mean you've got all these powers and you don't need sleep, so it's not like you don't have all the time in the world to make inventions and steal everything you need and capture every hero all by yourself. So…yeah, you're right. You don't really need me or Flug or Dementia or 5.0.5. So…why are we here?"
The more she talked, the more she desired the answer. After all, Lita had taken this job for her father. If Black Hat didn't necessarily need her, it was certainly questionable that he should accept her services as a thief.
Black Hat was amazed that she'd managed to deduce all this about him. She was right, of course. He truly didn't need anybody. He didn't want to give her the advantage of appearing vulnerable to her, however, so he grunted and waved his hand dismissively.
"If I did everything myself, it'd be too easy. Additionally, it's a lot more enjoyable ordering you miscreants to do my dirty work."
Lita nodded, but a new thought occurred to her as she glanced at the organ. "You sure you're not just…lonely?"
Without warning, Black Hat slammed a fist on the lower keyboard, causing her to jump.
"I think," he seethed, clearly trying to hold back the oncoming temper tantrum, "it's time you returned to bed, Miss Gris."
In her three months here, she'd come to learn that when he used her actual last name instead of her alias, he meant business. Sighing, Lita stood up from the bench and walked down the long carpet. Without glancing back at her, Black Hat returned to playing the organ.
Once she'd gone out the doors, Lita paused to listen. The music was much softer than before, and the melody was peaceful. It was the "Winter" section from Vivaldi's "Four Seasons." It was kind of strange to be hearing it in the summer, but it suited the cold dungeon setting.
Not wanting to leave just yet, she stood beside the doors and listened some more.
Black Hat was surprised at how much quieter his playing had gotten. But as the piece went on, it crescendoed to its usual, discordant pounding. In the middle of the song, he slammed his fists down with a frustrated growl.
Why wasn't this fun anymore? Why was he bored again?
Such was the price of immortality. At some point, even disturbing the peace became tiresome.
Well, I could always go back to my office and watch the news, he thought with a sigh as he stood from the bench, in Taiwan.
While he could teleport to his office, Black Hat preferred walking when he wasn't in any hurry. After all, it was still several hours until dawn. He'd do anything to kill time.
But when he pushed one of the doors open, he was met with a surprise. There, curled up on the floor, leaning back against the wall beside the doors, was Lita. Her head was lolled to the side, her eyes closed.
Apparently, she had stayed to listen to his playing and had dozed off. Black Hat smirked as he watched her sleeping form.
I told the fool to leave, and she actually stayed.
Knowing it simply wouldn't do to have her remain on the dungeon floor all night, as a bad back would make her training session tomorrow difficult, Black Hat scooped her up into his arms. Her eyes fluttered open momentarily, but if she had realized where she was, she didn't seem to care, as her eyelids drifted shut almost immediately. Her head then fell comfortably onto his shoulder, causing Black Hat to stiffen in surprise.
She actually trusts me to hold her?
He had noticed she'd been growing more casual around him, much less worried about angering him. Not that he minded. It just puzzled him greatly.
As he carried her down the hall, his monstrous clone roared from his cage.
"Down, boy," Black Hat said firmly but playfully. "This one's too interesting to eat."
His attention returned to the woman in his arms. She was shivering, but that was to be expected with how cold his body was. He wondered why this didn't rouse her, but was grateful it didn't, as this would be difficult to explain.
Using a tentacle, he pressed the button for the elevator and stepped inside. As the elevator ascended, he continued to stare at Lita.
It was peculiar. Suddenly, he didn't feel so bored anymore. And nothing was happening. It was completely quiet, and there was someone asleep in his arms, not doing anything! So, why was it the more he looked at her, the less bored he felt?
But he knew. It was for the same reason he'd stopped playing the organ. He wasn't bored anymore, because Lita was here.
She…entertained him. That was the best way he could describe it. For some reason, having this girl around made things less dull. He'd taken pleasure in her conversation, her horrible organ playing, and now her very presence alone.
The elevator opened up, and as Black Hat stepped out, he stared at the door leading to Lita's bedroom. He couldn't understand it, but he didn't want to let her go just yet. He didn't want to fall back into his immense boredom. He couldn't keep holding her either. If she woke up in his arms, there were sure to be questions.
Then he glanced down at the doors leading to his office at the end of the hall, and an idea occurred to him. Smiling wickedly, he headed for his office, opening the doors telepathically. After summoning a red velvet divan, he slowly set Lita down. If the cure for his boredom was her company, he'd indulge in it, even if she was asleep.
He was about to go to his computer when he realized she was still shivering. His chilling touch must've lingered. Sighing, Black Hat began removing his coat.
As he draped the coat over her body, he caught his reflection in a mirror on the wall. In the glass, his reflection dropped the coat and crossed its arms, raising an eyebrow.
"What?" the original Black Hat said, scowling. "I can't have my best thief dying of hypothermia now, can I?"
But as he went over to his desk, his realized having her asleep in his office, wrapped in his coat, was sure to raise more questions than him simply carrying her.
Well, he thought as he opened his laptop, I can always teleport her to her room before dawn breaks.
Megamind belongs to DreamWorks.
I knew Lita had to be introduced to the clients at some point, and since "Villainous" references villains from other shows, I had my pick! Man, it's been a while since I've written Megamind! I truly wondered how Black Hat would roast him.
I've been wanting to release the organ-playing scene for AGES! I'd written it a while ago, but wasn't sure where to put it. I'd REALLY recommend going to YouTube and hearing "Chopsticks" on the organ. And the other songs mentioned.