Quick break from romantic fluff. Time for some villainous friendship!

The last thing any of the incoming customers of the dress department store at the Hatsville Mall was two of Black Hat's infamous minions sitting casually outside the ladies' changing rooms. The enormous blue bear was playing some game on Flug's tablet, while the paper-bagged mad scientist was scrolling through his messages on his cell. Two of the store's employees stared at the duo from afar.

"Should we call the police?" the younger woman whispered to her manager.

"Not unless you wanna get vaporized!" she replied.

Flug noticed the women out of the corner of his eye and held up a hand towards them. "Just go about your business! We'll be out of your hair shortly!"

The younger woman turned to her manager. "Can I take my break early?"

Nodding nervously, the manager said, "I'll join you."

As the saleswomen scurried away, Flug rolled his eyes towards the two velvet red curtains on either side of the trifold mirror. "Everything alright in there, girls?"

"I've never tried anything like this on before!" Lita shouted from behind the curtain on the left. "I can't reach the freaking zipper!"

"Come on out," Flug said, standing up. "I'll help you with that part."

Lita swept the curtain aside, her other arm behind her as she attempted to keep her dress up. She turned slightly so Flug could zip her up.

"So, what do you think?" Lita asked, coming out completely.

The dress she'd tried on was a bright orange. It was awfully poofy, with puffed-up sleeves and a ruffled skirt. 5.0.5. looked up from the tablet and made a cringy noise.

"W-Well," Flug said, rubbing the back of his neck, "it's a, uh…interesting choice."

Before Lita could check herself out in the mirror, Dementia burst out of her changing room. She'd chosen a red, satin gown that hugged her thighs. Spaghetti straps held it up, the upper half of her back exposed. In the skirt was a slit that allowed her right leg to peek out. Lita had to admit that it suited Dementia, as she couldn't very well imagine the mutant in an old-fashioned ballgown.

"Oh, yeah!" Dementia cried, twirling in front of the mirrors. "Looking red hot, baby!"

5.0.5. grunted approvingly and held up his paws as best he could to make a thumbs-up.

"Eh," Flug said with a shrug. "Better than what you normally wear."

"You look great," Lita said.

"Duh, of course I—whoa!" Dementia exclaimed as she looked the other woman over. "You look like a moldy tangerine!"

"Dementia!" Flug cried.

"Oh, you know you were thinking it!"

Grabbing Lita, she pulled her in front of the mirrors and pointed.

"Uh…" Lita cringed. "She's not wrong." She fingered the ruffles. "It looked good on the rack."

"Yeah, but not on your rack," Dementia spat, gesturing towards her breasts. "But I guess that isn't easy when you don't have much to show."

Giggling, Dementia ran her hands along her own curves, which made Lita and Flug scowl.

"You could at least try to be a bit more helpful!" Lita said, crossing her arms.

Dementia huffed. "And why should I?"

"Black Hat wants us all to look our best," Flug said, hoping the mention of her crush would get her back on track.

"Why?" She narrowed her eyes at Lita. "So she can be totally bedazzling enough to steal my hubby?!"

"I don't…" Lita sighed, knowing she had to try a different tactic. "Look at it this way, Dem. If I look nice, more guests are likely to ask me to dance." She smirked. "Which means I'll be too busy with them to spend any time with the boss."

Dementia considered this for a moment. Then she shrugged.

"That dress is way too poofy and frilly," she said, taking a fistful of Lita's skirt. "Seriously, what made you think ruffles were a good idea?" She caught Flug's disapproving gaze. "What? I'm being helpful!"

Dementia moved behind Lita. "And orange is really not your color, kid. It blends too much with your skin tone. Why not just stick with black? It's what you normally wear, isn't it?" She poked at the puffed shoulders. "And what are these things all about? You have pretty nice shoulders, you shouldn't hide 'em!" She gestured proudly to herself. "Showing off skin really gets the boys flocking to ya!"

Lita looked to Flug, silently asking if this was true. He made a so-so sign.

"It's not…terrible advice," Lita admitted. "It's just been so long since I've gone dress-shopping for myself."

"Well, we all make mistakes," Dementia said, pushing her back into the dressing room. "Now get out of that nightmare and let's find you a real gown!"

Throughout the next hour, Dementia practically ransacked the store finding dresses for Lita to try on. Some were short, some were long, some were flouncy and some were tight. Dementia had a critique for all of them, even the ones Lita had thought looked fine.

"This is the seventeenth gown, Dem!" Lita shouted through the curtain. "I swear, if you don't like this one, I'm just gonna ignore your advice from now on!"

"Aw, just come out of there, will ya?" said Dementia, who had by now changed back into her usual outfit. "And stop blaming me for not pulling off what I pick for ya!"

"Okay, but come zip me up first!"

As the curtain swept aside, Flug and 5.0.5., utterly tired, looked up from their electronics before subsequently dropping them. Lita stepped out in a simple, black off-shoulder gown, revealing her shoulders and chest, but not too much cleavage. Her skirt was layered with tulle, but was not as poofy as the first dress. As Lita walked up to the mirror, it felt light on her body. The only decoration was a black ribbon tied in a bow at her right hip. Lita did a little twirl so that she could look at herself from all angles.

"Well?" Lita asked her friends.

"Guhhhhh…" Flug uttered dumbly.

5.0.5. cooed happily as he placed his paws on his cheeks. Lita took this as his sign of approval. She then turned to Dementia, who had her jaw dropped.

"That bad, huh?" Lita asked.

"No!" Flug squeaked. "You should totally keep that one, no matter what Dementia says!"

"Hey!" Dementia exclaimed, placing her hands on her hips. "I wasn't gonna say anything like that! Just that it fits her body type perfectly and is making me totally question my sexuality!"

Lita decided to ignore that last part.

"So," Dementia said, her tone suddenly becoming chipper. "What ya gonna do with your hair? Put it up in a bun?" She pulled at the end of Lita's ponytail. "Maybe curl it a little?"

Grunting, Lita snatched her ponytail out of her reach. "I was just gonna brush it out a bit, you know?"

The lizard-girl frowned. "You're kidding." She glanced at the others. "She's kidding, right?" She turned back to the other woman. "This is a ball, for crying out loud! You can't just go with your hair all plain and flat like that! You gotta let me do your hair!" She pulled at Lita's bangs. "How do you feel about neon green?"

"I am not," Lita said, stepping away, "letting you touch my hair!"

"Actually," Flug said thoughtfully, "out of the three of us, Dementia's the best person to go to for hair."

She could not believe he was actually backing Dementia on this one. "Seriously?"

"How do you think I get my bangs to be like this?" Dementia said, proudly flipping her red bangs. "Besides, your other options are a guy who hides his hair, and a bear who is all hair."

Lita glanced back at the mirror, taking her ponytail between her fingers. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try a little—"

"Yes!" Dementia cried, flinging her arms around her shoulders. "Makeover!"

After Flug bought the dresses—apparently when shopping, these villains paid for their items so the police and Hero Organization wouldn't give them any trouble—the gang went to the next store over to find makeup and accessories. The store was cleared of people the moment they walked in.

Dementia was looting haircare aisle, Flug was over by the shaving cream, 5.0.5. was picking out eyeshadow, while Lita was staring dumbly at the foundation. The bear had done all her makeup for the commercials, but Lita knew at some point, she should learn how to do it herself. But she had no idea where to start. Funnily enough, in all her sales jobs, she had never had to sell makeup.

Picking up a circular container of foundation, she turned it around curiously. She wondered what "porcelain" meant. Was that what the foundation was made of?

"Don't mean to butt in," said a female voice, "but I don't think that's your color."

Lita turned to see a bespectacled white woman with auburn hair standing next to her. It was surprising that anyone was bold enough to come into this store with Black Hat's crew present, but this woman didn't appear all that concerned.

As it'd been so long since Lita had socialized with any regular people, she replied, "You, uh…think so?"

"Oh yeah," the woman said, pointing. "That stuff's too white, even for my skin tone. You're gonna want something darker. Unless ya wanna look like Pennywise the Clown."

Lita put down the container immediately. "My life's already too much of a circus."

"Hmm." The woman looked at her thoughtfully. "I'd say you're more of a 'honey' or 'caramel' kind of girl." After glancing over the makeup selection, she picked up a cylindrical container. "If you want something inexpensive and not as irritating on the skin, I'd recommend e.l.f. It's enough for me, at least." She leaned towards Lita to whisper, "And unlike some of these brands, isn't animal-tested."

"Thanks," Lita said, taking the suggested foundation. "Do you work here?"

"Nope." The woman shook her head, her fluffy auburn hair swishing from side to side. "I just know my makeup. I'm Andi, by the way."

"Lita." The ladies shook hands. "Thanks for the advice. My, uh, mom passed away before she could teach me any of this stuff."

"My mom didn't teach me either," Andi said with a shrug. "It was actually my first boyfriend who showed me the ropes, believe it or not."

Lita snorted. "I have a bear doing my makeup. I'd believe anything."

"You mean," Andi said, looking past her, "you're actually with those crooks?"

"Um…" Lita glanced over to where Dementia was tossing items off the shelves, breaking bottles in the process. "Kind of, yeah."

"Oh!" Andi smacked her forehead. "That's where I've seen you before! You're that new henchgirl in Black Hat's commercials, aren't you?"

Lita blinked. "You…don't seem bothered by that."

"Eh." Andi shrugged. "When you live on Hat Island, ya get used to this kind of crazy shit. I see you guys ransacking stores all the time. I don't mind, as long as you let me get my shopping done without threatening to shoot me."

Knowing that there was someone else on this island as indifferent to daily crime as she was caused Lita to smile. "Don't worry. I'm more partial to knives."

Andi raised an eyebrow. "Do all villains have a morbid sense of humor, or is it just you?"

"You know. Comes with the job description."

"Hey, by the way," Andi said, leaning in to whisper, "what's the deal with that doctor friend of yours?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's been hiding behind that Maybelline sign like a socially-awkward teen for like five minutes now."

Sure enough, there was a crash behind them, and the women turned to see Flug fumbling with the six-foot-tall advertisement for Maybelline.

"He, um…doesn't get out much," Lita said, trying not to sound embarrassed.

"You know I ran into him at the grocery store once?" Andi said, eyeing the scientist as he moved the sign back into its upright position. "I wondered what he was doing with all those pads and tampons." She looked at Lita, who blushed. "You might wanna tell him, if he wants people to take him seriously, he shouldn't be so shaky while pointing a gun."

Lita cocked her head curiously. "That's…weird. Flug's usually pretty chill when it comes to guns."

"I don't know." Andi shrugged. "Maybe he was just uncomfortable being caught with feminine products. I know I felt uncomfortable the first time I—"

"Hey, Lita!" Flug called, waving frantically. "I, uh, got something for you! Can you come over here please and away from that woman?!"

"Not very subtle, is he?" Andi murmured.

"Sorry," Lita said with a sigh. "I'm actually not supposed to talk to many people outside of the organization."

"Totally get it," Andi said, holding up her hands. "A girl's gotta keep her career intact."

"Nice talking to you."

"No problem. Look me up next time you ransack the mall."

After waving goodbye to the woman, Lita went up to Flug, who had sweat dripping over his bag.

"W-What were you talking about with, uh…that woman?" Flug stammered.

"Just makeup tips," Lita said. "Why were you acting like a pervy stalker right now?"

Instead of answering her question, Flug held up a tiny, pink paper bag. "I got you something!"

Deciding she would grill him later, Lita took the bag and looked inside. Reaching in, she pulled out a packaged pink razor. The bag also contained a can of shaving cream.

"Okay, Flug!" she exclaimed, dropping the razor back inside. "I can take a hint!"

"Oh, no, no, no!" Flug said, waving his hands. "I didn't mean to put pressure on you or anything! I just thought…you know, those comments on that first commercial made you so upset, that…I thought maybe you'd want to, uh…? It's completely up to you, of course! I mean a lot of women go unshaven all the time! After all, pubic hair has many functional properties, especially when it comes to secreting pheromones to attract potential partners!" He winced. "Err…forget I said that last part!"

As Lita looked between the bag of shaving products and the makeup behind her, it occurred to her that now that she was making her own money that wasn't immediately going towards bills, she had no more excuses for not trying new things. She had a little more freedom to pamper herself. Not that she wasn't confident in her appearance as it was, but she could still experiment a little.

"I, uh…guess it couldn't hurt to try," she said finally. "But…the thing is…I've, um…never used a razor before."

"Really?" Flug said, tilting his head.

"Well, you know, my mom…she wasn't around to show me anything to do with shaving or makeup or doing my hair, and…with money being so tight…didn't seem like it was worth it. So, I've never really put much effort into…" She looked down at herself, suddenly unsure. "Have I…have I let myself go?"

"Yup!" Dementia said, popping up behind her.

Flug scowled at Dementia before saying, "Well, no law says you have to wear makeup or do your hair to look presentable. I don't."

Lita didn't bother pointing out that the man's face was covered already. "And…the razor?"

"I rest my case." Flug looked her over. "Frankly, for someone who doesn't put much effort into grooming, you look pretty good."

"Yeah." Dementia nodded energetically. "You're the most plain-looking one in the whole group!"

"Ignore her. You're an attractive woman, Lita." He cleared his throat. "A-And I say that as a friend! N-No romantic interest whatsoever!"

"Thanks, Flug," Lita said with a smile. "So, Dementia, think you can show me how to shave?"

"Shave what?" the mutant said. "Your head? Gladly!"

"She means her legs and armpits," Flug said bluntly.

"Oh. I don't have any of that stuff!"

"Huh?" Lita said.

"Another side effect of her mutation," Flug explained. "Reptiles don't exactly have any pubic hair, you see."

Lita glanced at Dementia, somehow only now noticing how smooth and hairless her body was. Aside from the wild red and green nest on her head, of course.

"But don't worry!" Flug said chipperly. "I can teach you how to shave!"

"Is shaving for men the same for women?" Lita asked, thinking back to when her father shaved his beard. "Wait. Why would you need to shave? No one can see your face!"

"W-Well, um," he said, rubbing the back of his reddening neck, "y-you see, I…d-don't just shave my face."

The girls were quiet for a moment.

"I-I don't like hair on my body!" Flug cried. "I-It's not a big deal! A lot of m-men do it these days! E-Especially swimmers! I mean a l-lot of bacteria can get in your leg hair alone and—STOP TRYING TO LOOK UP MY PANTLEG, DEMENTIA!"

Letting go of the cuff of his pants, the lizard-girl stood up from the floor. "You were the one who got me all curious, Fluggie."

"B-But shaving's not for everyone," Flug said, looking back at Lita. "So, if you want to forget the razor, it's totally your choice. No one's forcing you to do anything."

Lita took a moment to think about it. "I'll…give it a try. I at least want to see how it feels."

At that moment, 5.0.5. joined them, grunting excitedly as he held up a smoky-colored palette of eyeshadow and black lipstick.

"Aw, those colors will go perfect with Lita's gown, 5.0.5.!" Flug said, clapping his hands together. "And they match the death theme too!"

"And I know just what color highlights to go with it all!" Dementia exclaimed.

"No hair dye!" Lita shouted.

Leaning her head back, she groaned. "Fine! I'll get the temporary stuff!"

So, a bear was going to be doing her makeup, a reptilian mutant was going to be doing her hair, and a mad scientist was going to help her shave. At what point in Lita's life had that not become a weird sentence?

"Ouch!" Lita cried as the tiny blade nicked her skin.

"I told you," Flug said, tapping his pointer fingers together. "It's, uh, tricky the first time."

The two of them were in Lita's bathroom. She had showered in a bathing suit so that she wouldn't be completely naked while Flug showed her how to shave. Her right foot was on the rim of the tub as she attempted to scrape the razor through the foam on her leg. The ball wasn't for a few weeks, but Flug thought it best to start practicing. After cutting herself a second time, Lita was starting to understand why.

"Why do my pits feel so…rubbery right now?" she asked, wincing as her arms rubbed uncomfortably against her freshly shaven pits.

"Well," Flug said with a shrug, "one function of pubic hair is to reduce the friction between your armpits and your arms so that they move more smoothly."

"You're only telling me this now?"

After about ten more nicks from the razor and a quick rinse off, Lita's legs were completely devoid of hair. She'd been under the impression that her legs were supposed to feel smooth after this, but at the present moment, they were red and bumpy, blood trickling from the tiny cuts.

"So, how does it feel?" Flug asked.

Lita gave him an incredulous look as she went over to her mirror. "Like my legs are on fire."

He picked up the shaving cream. "I didn't accidentally give you my liquid fire, did I?"

"Speaking figuratively, Flug." Opening up the medicine cabinet, she took out a box of band-aids, her underarms burning as much as her legs. "How can you be like this all the time?"

He shrugged. "I don't get razor burn that much. But I've heard some people's skin doesn't react that well to shaving."

"Again," she said, ripping the adhesive pads off a band-aid, "this would've been nice to know beforehand! At least when I had hair on my body, I didn't look like a hot tamale!"

Reaching up into the medicine cabinet, Flug grabbed a bottle of aloe. "Here, this will help with the irritation."

"How long until it grows back?" she asked, taking the bottle and squeezing some aloe onto her hand.

"Not long. I, myself, have to shave at least twice a week."

"Well, then screw what those bastards online say!" She began rubbing the aloe into her legs. "I'm not doing that shit again!"

"I told you, you don't have to. Some people don't mind seeing a little hair on women, and your legs will at least be covered by your dress."

"Hey," Lita said, glancing at his jeans. "So will yours."

"I told you," he said, crossing his arms, "I shave for my own comfort, not to attract others."

"So…what was the point of this again?"

"You were curious to try it."

She huffed. "By the way, why were you acting so weird at the mall the other day?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I was talking to that girl, you were hiding behind that sign like a creep."

Flug averted his gaze. "I, uh…don't know what you're talking about."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Dude. She noticed."

"I wasn't eavesdropping or anything! I just, uh…wanted to make sure you didn't accidentally leak any sensitive information!"

Lita rolled her eyes. "Like I'm just gonna tell some random stranger all the shady shit I'm up to! Seriously, why were you hiding? Were you scared of that girl or something?" A thought occurred to her. "Are you scared of women or something?"

"I am not…" Flug said, placing his hands on his hips. "No! I talk to you and Dementia, don't I?" He paused. "Okay, yes, I'm a little scared of Dementia, but who wouldn't be?!"

"Then what was that all a—?"

"We should get going! Black Hat wants the ball invitations sent out before midnight tonight!"

With that, he bolted out of the bathroom.

"Nice save!" Lita called.

The Day of the Dead soon arrived. Once everything in the ballroom was set up, the residents of Black Hat Manor retreated to their rooms to get themselves ready. It took Flug, Lita and 5.0.5. to get Dementia to take a bath, all of them holding her down in the tub. She had stopped splashing after Lita had pointed out that she was more likely to attract Black Hat if she smelled better.

Once everyone was clean, Dementia and 5.0.5. joined Lita in her room to give her the promised makeover. Flug was in his room doing his own grooming. Before Lita knew it, she was sitting on her bed in a bathrobe, her hair in curlers, with Dementia sitting cross-legged beside her, wearing nothing but a towel and holding Lita's hand as she painted her nails black. Meanwhile, 5.0.5. was sitting on the floor, buffing Lita's toenails.

"I've, uh…never done anything like this before," Lita said.

"Done what?" Dementia asked. "Dolled yourself up?"

"That and…well, I've never hung out with anyone like this. I never had a slumber party, never went with other girls to the beauty parlor."

"Huh." Dementia paused. "Neither have I."

"Really?" Lita glanced down at how carefully the mutant was painting her nails. "Then how do you know how to do all this stuff?"

"I read a lot of Villainess magazine. And hey, just because I like to punch and kick people a lot, doesn't mean I can't look good while doing it!" She blew hard on Lita's nails so that they would dry. "I've never given anyone a makeover before, though. Well," she snorted, "except for all those times I drew on Flug's bag while he was sleeping."

"Bao!" 5.0.5. grunted.

"Oh, I know you like makeovers. But there's only so much you can do with a bear!" She raised Lita's hand. "It's not like ya got any nails to paint!"

5.0.5.'s flower drooped, as if sad that this was true.

"And the other villainesses never invite me for their get-togethers! They say I'm too 'unladylike' or something!" The pout on her face did not escape Lita's notice. "They're just jealous that I can rip 'em apart with my bare teeth!"

"Obviously," Lita said.

Dementia perked up suddenly. "Time to set those little curls free!"

Lita expected the lizard-girl to rip the curlers out of her hair, but was surprisingly slow and gentle as she unfurled her black locks.

"Well, for what it's worth, Dem," Lita said, "you may not be the most…ladylike woman, but…what does 'ladylike' even mean, anyway? I mean I'm a lady, and I don't know a thing about this stuff. And look at 5.0.5. He's not a lady and he does know this stuff."

5.0.5. beamed happily.

"Oh, I know that," Dementia said, taking out the last curler. "Still, it's…kind of nice having another girl around here." Reaching into her bushy ponytail, she pulled out a can of hairspray and shook it. "Hold still, kid!"

Lita closed her eyes before the spray hit her. She coughed as the fumes entered her nostrils.

"You know what would look cool?" Dementia said. "Earrings!" She pulled on Lita's earlobes. "Why aren't your ears pierced? Hold on! I'll get my nail gun!"

"No piercings!" Lita shouted, covering her ears. "You are not piercing my body in any way, shape or form!"

"Ugh, fine!" Dementia groaned as she lifted Lita's curls into her hands. "You're such a pussy!"

Lita couldn't see what she was doing back there, but so far, the lizard-girl had been pretty well-behaved with her beautifying. Lita just hoped that whatever hairstyle she was giving her wasn't too crazy.

"So," Dementia said with a sultry grin, "what kind of man ya hoping to snag at the party?"

"No man," Lita said sternly. "The boss has made the whole no-love rule pretty clear. I'm only doing this because I wanna be taken seriously by the other villains. Maybe I'm not as into evil, but I don't wanna be mistaken for a maid again."

5.0.5. cocked his head, as if to say, "What's wrong with being a maid?"

"I get it," Dementia said, chuckling maliciously. "Ya wanna show 'em you're not a force to be reckoned with, and that if they even try reckoning with you, you'll skin 'em alive and gorge on their organs and gnaw on their bones until they're nothing but a pile of teeth!"

Lita swallowed the bile that came with the sickening image. "Y-Yeah. Something like that."

"Eh. Most people don't think much of me when they first see me either. Just some dumb little girl with crazy hair who can't do much." She giggled. "You should see their faces once they realize the joke's on them."

It surprised Lita when this made her laugh. "You know, Dem? I had you all wrong. You're more like me than I'd thought."

She gasped. "Are you part-lizard too?!"

The older woman frowned. "Maybe not that much alike."

Next chapter will be a biggie. Also, I do NOT regret a word I've written in this chapter!