Chapter 5.
Sirius smirked, his eyes turning slowly to face Lily. "I know you like to think you know how to embarrass me, but you really don't."
Lily threw him a look of utter disbelief, raising an eyebrow slowly. "I can do it in one word. Don't test me."
"Oh, you think so, Red?" he taunted, leaning in to the table on his elbows.
Lily maintained her look and continued to stare at him. "Pineapples."
James' parents had invited James, Lily, Beth, and himself over for dinner to celebrate Beth's arrival. Sirius' adopted parents had insisted they all come over once Beth had been settled in to both James' flat and her internship, the intention being to hear about how her life was going since they last saw her. While dinner had been solely focused on Beth, however, the conversation of Beth's internship and family life had long been answered, and the focus was now on Sirius, much to his dismay.
Everyone laughed when he immediately backed away, cocking his head towards her. "You promised never to speak of that again."
"Well that was before you told me I didn't know how to embarrass you," Lily said, picking up her tea and taking a sip.
"I actually know about that too," James' mother added, causing Sirius to immediately turn his attention to her.
"How did you find out?" he asked incredulously.
"Honestly, Sirius," Lily said, his head immediately turning to face hers. "You think that I wouldn't tell my future mother-in-law anything I could to win her over?"
"Okay, I'm curious now," Beth admitted, leaning in towards the table. "What happened with a pineapple?"
"I'll tell you when we get back home," James said quietly.
Sirius whipped towards James immediately. "You know too?!"
"Are you kidding? Lily told me the second she left the room."
"You traitor!" Sirius said accusingly. Lily only responded by taking another sip of her tea, the look on her face screaming success.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Beth looked him over, squinting her eyes. "I think I should know since everyone else does."
"I don't know about it," James' father declared.
"Yes you do, I told you about it," James' mother assured him. "Remember when Lily came in and found Sirius practicing his pick-up lines on a pineapple?"
Sirius groaned and dropped his head in his hands as the people around him laughed. He felt his face begin to redden ever so slightly, but was instantly struck by how joyful and free the sound of Beth's laugh was. He had heard it before, of course, but it had never sounded so pure and genuine.
That would be dangerous for him too if he didn't watch out.
Three days ago, when he had convinced Lily and James to throw a dinner party for the first day of her internship, he realized that her ambition, passion, and motivation was dangerous to him, or rather the way she expressed it all. She had sounded so overjoyed at the prospect of working in her field, and he was mesmerized by the passion oozing from her voice. He didn't know exactly what she was doing or what she was really even studying (nor did he honestly truly care), but she had exhibited such a strong desire to continue in her field that he found himself listening intently, anxiously awaiting to hear the next wonderful thing she had to say about it. For the first time since she had arrived, he found himself in awe of her, too struck by her passion to taunt or tease her in anyway.
It was also revealed yesterday that her tears were dangerous to him.
He had just come in to James' flat when he saw her. It was late at night when he came and his visit was unexpected, only occurring after his quiet flat had been overcome by the voices of his parents in his mind. Without a moment's hesitation, he had apparated to the spot just outside James' house, throwing the door open almost immediately. She had been laying on the couch, her knees tucked to her chest and tears streaming down her cheeks when he came in. The second she saw him, she had quickly sat up and swiped at her cheeks.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, not looking at his face.
"Are you okay?" He hadn't even tried to mask the worry in his voice as he stared at the girl in front of him.
"I'm fine," she had said curtly, moving to stand up. She still didn't look his way. "What are you doing here?"
His mind had searched for anything but the truth he could give as an excuse to satisfy her, desperate to find out what was wrong. "A place down the street was throwing a party and I couldn't sleep," he had finally settled on, breathing out a quiet sigh of relief when she didn't question it.
Beth had turned away from him, obviously aiming to go down the hall. "Well, you know where the spare bed is at." She had thrown her head back over her shoulder, but her gaze still did not make it to his face. "Goodnight."
"Beth, wait," he had said, racing towards her before she made it to her room. She had stopped, but still kept her eyes down. He had met her where she was at, moving to stand in front of her.
"Sirius, I can't right now," she had whispered, the despair evident in her voice. His heart had broke at the sound of defeat, knowing all too well that it was genuine too. "Please let me go."
Without even considering the repercussions of his actions, Sirius had reached down and swiped her tears away, desperate to help her in some way. She had lifted her head slightly in response, and even in the dim light he could see the brokenness in her eyes. Keeping his hand on her cheek, he had grazed it softly, hoping that she was seeing it as an attempt to comfort and not to humiliate or pursue. His resolve had shattered at the look in her eyes, and immediately he had set out to find a way to bring the smile, her smile, back.
"Let me help you," he had said, knowing she would take it as an offer and not a command. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong, and I'll decide whether you need to keep crying or start laughing."
Beth had let out a shaky smile, but it hadn't quite reached her eyes. She had shook her head slightly, saying, "It's really dumb, nothing to be making a huge fuss over. I don't even know why I'm crying."
"I'll be the judge of that," he had replied. "If it's enough to make you cry, then it's enough for me to worry about. Come on," he had said, motioning over to the couch. "Let's go sit down."
Beth hadn't spent an unnecessary amount of time declaring she was fine, instead taking a moment to collect herself before she spoke. Sirius had listened just as intently as he had during dinner two nights before, this time being sure to focus on her instead of being mesmerized by the way she was speaking. He had realized almost instantaneously that the passion and ambition he had become fond of in her voice a couple of days ago was no longer present, even as she began to talk about the internship she loved so much. After she had explained that she had filed a group of papers incorrectly and had cost the company precious time, she had let her eyes meet his. He had taken in her gaze and watched her, determined to take the hurt away from her face.
"They weren't happy when they found out. I've never felt so humiliated in my life," she had admitted, letting out an uneasy laugh. "I don't know if they're going to let me keep working there."
"You're only three days into this, Beth," he had reminded her, maintaining their eye contact. "They don't expect you to know how to do everything perfectly. My guess is that they'll have someone come and walk you through what to do tomorrow without even a second thought. You'll be back to impressing the pants off of them in no time." Beth had nodded, though he could see she didn't really believe what he had said. He had watched her slowly bring her eyes away from his before he had added, "And if for some reason they're still mad, James and I will go and egg the building."
Beth had looked back up at him and let out a small and uncertain laugh, though the uneasiness was definitely gone. "I'll keep that in mind," she had replied, a smile remaining once the laugh had been chased away. "Thank you, Sirius. I really didn't want to go to bed crying."
He brought his head up out of his hands and watched Beth laugh at the pineapple story. It was so different from the one he had heard last night, torn and broken but carrying a smidgen of relief. This laugh, this one full of genuine and pure happiness, was the one he wanted to hear from her. Oh yes, it was definitely dangerous to him. He decided then that he would do anything to keep that laugh in her spirit.
When the laughter began to die down, Sirius said, "Hey, if you're going to be telling embarrassing stories about me, then you'd better make sure you're telling some about James too."
"Oh, come off it," James said, but his voice was tinged with worry.
"You come off it," Sirius replied. "Between your parents, your fiancée, your best friend, and a girl who's known you your entire life, I'm sure we could create some damage to your self-esteem."
"You going to let this happen?" James asked Lily, expecting her to cover for him.
"Are you kidding? I've got six year's worth of you trying to ask me out to talk about," Lily smiled evilly, raising her eyebrows.
"I was eleven—" he began, but Lily cut him off.
"One time, he tried to write it out in this huge display and he spelt my name wrong."
"I remember that one," Sirius said, leaning over to whisper to Beth. Beth flashed him a smile, looking as if she was about to ask him more, when James' father spoke.
"You spelt her name wrong?" he repeated.
"I didn't mean to!" James defended himself.
James' father looked at Lily, a confused expression coming over his face. "And you still agreed to marry him?"
"Sir, I ask myself why I said yes everyday," she replied, throwing a wink at her fiancé's befuddled face.
"Lily, do you remember that time he wrote an entire song for you and sang it in the middle of the breakfast table?" Sirius asked, enjoying the focus being on his friend rather than him.
"Yes!" She laughed, clapping her hands together. "I came in and immediately turned back around the second he started. Then," still laughing, she turned to James, "you started calling after me so you could finish and forgot you were on the table and tripped into the oatmeal."
"I didn't hear that you tripped into oatmeal," James' mother said, joining in on the laughter.
"Yeah, mum, there was a reason for that," James retorted, his face turning red.
"Wait a second," Beth added, pointing towards James. "Was that the song that you asked for my help on?"
"You asked for her help?" Lily screamed, throwing her head back and laughing even harder. "Beth, please tell me there was a first draft to that. I want it performed at the wedding."
Beth nodded. "Oh yes, I kept every single letter for just an occasion. You have your own file and everything, Lily."
James' jaw dropped. "You kept all of those?"
"Well, yes, for sentimental reasons," Beth explained before smiling mischievously. "But also because I anticipated a situation just like this."
"I'm curious now," James' mother interrupted, placing a hand on Lily's. "After all that nonsense he did, all of the times he messed up, what was it that suddenly changed your mind about him?"
Lily looked at James, taking in his beet red face. She lifted her free hand to his cheek and smiled, trying to ease his frustration. It worked wonders, and Sirius watched as James' face slowly returned to a normal color at her proximity. "I'm not really sure," she replied, still looking towards him. "It all just kind of clicked one day. I think one day I was talking to you," she said, shifting her gaze towards Sirius, "and you made an offhanded comment about how I seemed a little more sad since he stopped asking me out, as if I was waiting for it to happen again. I think whenever you pointed that out it all came together."
Sirius gave her a friendly smile before turning towards James. "Told you I was responsible for it all."
"Well, if you're responsible for this," James began, putting his arm around Lily's shoulders, "then I'm forever in your debt."
"Oh, that's really sweet," James' mother added, aww-ing ever so slightly when James leaned in to peck her on the lips. Sirius caught a glance of Beth from the corner of his eye, frowning slightly when he saw a sad smile cross her face. He wasn't sure what to make of that, but gently tapped his foot against hers. When she looked over at him, he winked, which granted him a real smile in return.
Godric, that smile.
As he returned his gaze back towards the couple, Beth moved her chair back up to the table. He couldn't tell for sure, but he thought for a second that she might have moved it slightly closer to his.
"Beth, did you ever take a fancy towards James?"
James was immediately broken out of his trance with Lily and faced his mother. "Mum!" he yelled accusingly as Beth giggled.
"It's a real question," his mother insisted. "Your father and I have thought so for years, now we can finally get a real answer."
"I'm sorry to disappoint you," Beth said, still giggling. "But absolutely not."
James turned towards his friend, his face suddenly distraught. "Wait, you never fancied me?"
Beth gave him an incredulous look. "Did you fancy me?"
"Only for about seven years, you dolt."
Beth covered her face with her hands and shook with laughter. There's that genuine and pure laughter again, Sirius thought, and suddenly found himself jealous that James could elicit it out of her so easily.
The realization hit him harder than he would have imagined. He was jealous? Why was he jealous? She had literally just admitted that she harbored no feelings for James, and James was obviously infatuated with Lily. There was no reason for him to be jealous, especially when he had received that laugh before. But he did it so easily, he repeated to himself. How did he manage to do it so easily?
His thoughts were distracted when Beth finally looked back up. "My parents always thought you did, but I always told them no. I thought we were friends!"
"We were friends, I just was also convinced we were going to be married."
"Oi!" Lily lightly smacked his arm.
James looked at Lily, rolling his eyes. "Oh, come off it, Evans, you're the one that got the ring."
"You liked me?" Beth repeated, still laughing.
"Of course he did, dear," James' father intercepted. "Why do you think he wanted to follow you to the states so badly?"
"Oh, James," Beth said, breathing out another laugh. "I'm sorry, but you really are not my type."
Sirius shifted his whole body towards her, resting an elbow on the table. The statement sparked an unusual amount of interest in him. Still, he had to figure out how James got her to laugh that easily, no matter what it took or how far of a hole he dug himself in. "A devilishly handsome and hysterical playboy of a man isn't your type?" he teased, nudging her foot with his again slightly.
"Thanks, babe," James said mockingly. Sirius blew him a kiss and returned his gaze back towards Beth.
Beth raised her eyebrow at the contact between their feet but didn't look away from him, something Sirius found himself greatly appreciating. "I prefer guys who a) aren't in love with another person and b) can admit that the person they're in love with is," and here, she did a dramatic turn of the head towards James, "Sirius, not Lily."
James' parents and Lily immediately laughed, nodding their heads in agreement. "That's one of the biggest reasons I kept telling you no," Lily said, causing Sirius to simply apply a smug face.
He was about to join in on James' parents comments on Beth's statement when he felt a foot gently nudge his back. He immediately turned his head towards Beth, expecting her to meet him with a roll of her eyes or a sarcastic look. Instead, she faced forward, acting oblivious to the fact that she touched him at all, though he could see a slight tinge of pink entering her cheeks.
Sirius sucked in a breath and added a few offhanded comments to the taunts being made before copying Beth's movement earlier and moving his chair up. He didn't even try to cover the fact that he had moved his chair closer to hers, simply made the move and returned his foot, waiting to see what she would do. He was soon rewarded with another gentle touch, this one stroking his foot ever so slightly before moving away.
Interesting.
"So what kind of guys do you prefer?" Lily asked, breaking him out of his trance. Their feet were still teasing each other, but stopped after the question was asked.
"Well," Beth said, leaning onto the table. "I haven't dated the best people. I've only dated two guys seriously—I swear, if you make any comment about your name being Sirius, I will punch you." Sirius threw his hands up in defeat, surrendering to her will almost too easily. Beth continued, "Anyway, the first guy I was with was great until I found out that he had cheated on me. The second guy thought I was amazing, but also thought my best friend at the time was equally as amazing, and now they are engaged. So," Beth paused a moment, causing Sirius to go back to nudging her foot. She gave him a quick smile before finishing, "ideally someone who doesn't cheat on me."
"I'm so sorry to hear that," James' mother said apologetically.
"Don't be," Beth said, and Sirius found himself admiring the confidence that came from that statement. "I learned so much from both of them, even if it was just that I needed to raise my standards. They're both happy though, and the part of me that still cares about them is happy for them."
Sirius smiled to himself at her declaration, soaking it in as her foot circled around his foot, now staying on it definitively rather than teasing it and moving away. He let her take initiative for a while before he regained control, adamant to win this little war they had going and doing everything he could to not think about the intimacy behind their secret movements. As he brushed his foot against hers and slowly up her ankle, he silently thanked Merlin that James couldn't see what they were doing.
"So what are you looking for in a guy?" James' mother pressed.
Beth giggled. "Have someone in mind, Mrs. Potter?"
Sirius found himself holding his breath.
"I'm just curious," she replied, giving Lily a little wave of her eyebrows. "I happen to know of a couple of single men. Maybe they'll fit your description."
Beth chuckled nervously, though Sirius honestly believed part of that came from the way his foot was starting to make its way slightly up her calf. "What am I looking for in a guy?" she asked herself, taking a moment to consider her answer.
The table was silent as she pondered, only broken when she finally said, "I need someone who can tell when I need to laugh and when I need to cry."
Sirius immediately stopped his movement as the table digested this answer. They all were replying the same thing, "How insightful," "That's actually a really good definition," and so on, but Sirius knew.
Was that a declaration? Did she fancy him? She was certainly doing a good job taking over the control of the little game their feet were playing, and the ministrations were definitely enticing enough. But to directly pinpoint the moment they had last night? What did that mean?
Sirius stole a glance at her when James' parents began to talk about the first time they met, trying to telepathically ask her what that statement meant. She met his gaze and raised her eyebrows, using his signature move back at him and winking.
Not to be outdone, Sirius decided to up the ante and reached out for the hand resting on her leg under the table. He held his breath as he watched her process what he did, praying that she wouldn't acknowledge it to the group, but also praying that she would acknowledge it in some way.
Chancing it, he mimicked the movements his foot was making only seconds ago and began slowly circling his thumb around her hand, making sure to keep his focus ahead so as to not distract the rest of the table of their actions. He listened as James' mother told the story of how her and his father met, trying to stay interested, but his mind remained on Beth. She had yet to respond, hardly even acknowledging that anything was going on at all.
Just when he had begun to lose hope, Sirius felt her hand slowly begin to copy his ministrations, gently squeezing his hand once to assure him.
He couldn't help it. Sirius immediately turned his head to look at her, his face undoubtedly confused and curious as to what was happening. She returned his look, though hers had more of a "you started it" expression. She turned his hand over and began to draw her fingers over the palm of his hand, startling him completely. If James saw that he was playing footsie and holding hands with one of his best friends, he'd kill him. The thought made it all the more enticing, and he began playing with her fingers.
Oh, Sirius, he thought. Just what are you getting yourself into?
"I think we should set Beth up with Remus," Lily declared, breaking the pair out of their trance.
"Oh, Remus would be wonderful!" James' mother agreed. "And he's such a great boy, you'd never think that he didn't care about you. What do you think, James?"
He shrugged his shoulders, casting a look towards Beth. "Would you want to be set up with Remus?"
Sirius desperately wanted to raise their joined hands and announce that this was the relationship that should be set up, but he didn't know how to even begin to acknowledge it. He pictured Remus and Beth together, deciding he did not like the thought at all. Lily was right in wanting to set her up with him. Remus was the perfect guy to bring home, though he didn't spend much time focusing on relationships due to his condition. Beth, however, was completely oblivious to the whole other side of the world, and proper arrangements could be made to disguise Remus' lycanthropy. It would be a wonderful summer fling for him, and would more than likely help rebuild his confidence. The two would be excellent together, having the same interests and both being of high intelligence. They would have arduous conversations and polite arguments and discuss how to better the world, and Sirius would be left standing to the side remembering the time he once held Beth's hand.
When had he begun to fancy this girl? When did he become jealous of James' ability to make her laugh and Remus' ability to be such a gentleman? When did any of this begin to matter? Why was he so captivated by her? Why was a muggle so enticing? Why was his hand wrapped around hers so tightly? Why did all of these feelings have to come up now? Why did Beth have to come visit?
Why was he finding it so hard to breathe around her?
Casting everything aside, all Sirius found that he could do was watch as Beth pondered the idea, catching his breath for what felt like the hundredth time that night as he waited for what she would say and do. Her decision would dictate how he would move on from this moment, from tonight.
"I don't know," she finally responded. "Based on what you've told me about him, I think he'll be absolutely wonderful, but I also think we'll end up being better off as friends." Beth squeezed his hand again under the table, moving to lace their fingers together before she added, "Maybe there's someone else out there for me."
As Lily and James moved on to a different topic with his father, Sirius had only one thought:
Oh, Godric, am I screwed.
A/N: The first time I held hands with someone, it was all I thought about for weeks. I can still remember the exact moments I held other people's hands too (although I still have no idea where I can put "remembers when I first held hands with each person I have ever held hands with" on a résumé), so I thought that such a "monumental" milestone should get it's own chapter. Anyone else remember their first time? *sigh*
Nimblescrivener (DEAR LORD, best beta ever) just approved a chapter that I am hype and a half for, so remember this little author's note when Chapter 9 comes around!
Up next, Sirius and Beth have a conversation about the events at dinner.