Everything changed within the next two weeks.
Nobody set foot in Grimmauld Place. Gwendolyn realized she had left lots of clothes and her favorite shampoo there, but she could not bear to go back. It was haunted with memories. Nights with Sirius, kisses with Bill. Playing cards and drinking wine and laughing with her friends. But everything she had treasured in the past year had vanished like a snowflake on a hot skillet.
There was a real practical reason that nobody had returned to Grimmauld Place, too. Nobody knew if Bellatrix Lestrange, Sirius's next living relative, would be given access to the house. Any meals or get togethers were now at the Burrow, but Gwen was not anxious to attend. She wasn't sure what their gatherings would be like without Sirius and she wasn't interested in finding out. And then there was Bill. He was living with his parents for the time being and going to the Burrow meant seeing him.
Her heart was aching. Sometimes it felt like too much to handle.
Her work life changed significantly. It seemed that yes, Gwendolyn O'Shea was the new Rita Skeeter. Her multitude of measly assignments were sent to others and she was given one large assignment for the week. Mr. Cuffe treated her with the utmost admiration and respect. Her colleagues gave her fake smiles and congratulated her halfheartedly for her success. Only Betty was genuinely glad for her.
The two women spent a lot of lunch hours in London. She wished she could speak to Betty more honestly, but since she was not a member of the Order, Gwen had to watch what she said. But Betty knew that Gwen fought at the Ministry that fateful night and she was extremely curious. Gwen said what she could, admitting how unprepared she had felt that night.
"Maybe you should get a teacher," her friend suggested. "This war is getting nasty, darling. I think we should all become more equipped."
The idea inspired Gwen but she wasn't sure who to ask. Happily, it seemed with the arrest of a multitude of Death Eaters, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was taking a step back for the time being. All that was heard about his movements was the murder of Karkaroff, who had fled Hogwarts at the time of his old master's return a year prior. Nobody was surprised that the man had been found and killed.
She had not seen Tonks or Remus despite invitations to go eat with them and the Weasleys at the Burrow. They reminded her of Sirius and the Burrow reminded her of Bill, so she avoided both like the plague. It was until she got word of an official Order meeting two weeks after Sirius's death that Gwendolyn realized she would be forced to face the pain she had been desperately trying to push away.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Gwen!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed as Gwen walked into the Burrow the day of the meeting. The older woman immediately embraced Gwen, who laughed.
"Hello Mrs. Weasley," Gwen greeted.
"Come into the kitchen, dear, I'm just making tea." The two women went into the kitchen, where Remus and Tonks were sitting.
"Gwen!" Tonks leapt up and ran into her arms, her luscious neon pink curls bouncing behind her. Gwen couldn't help but cling to her for dear life.
"Tonks, I've missed you!" Gwen whispered. They broke their embrace and she looked over at Remus and they smiled at each other.
"How have you been, Gwen?" he asked, taking her hand.
"As well as expected," she admitted. It was odd, seeing them. She was half expecting Sirius to come bounding down the stairs into the kitchen. "And yourself?"
He nodded and wrapped his arm around Tonks. "Better," he said, looking at Tonks lovingly.
"So, er, this?" She looked at them with eyebrows raised.
"It's official!" Tonks exclaimed gleefully.
"You know, when people in a group start dating, the group falls apart," Sirius explained quickly. "So when our dear friends begin their relationship, promise we'll be there third-wheeling together." He held out his hand, extending his pinky. She smiled and wrapped her pinky around his.
"Promise."
"Wonderful!" Gwen exclaimed, hiding her sudden sadness over Sirius. "I'm very glad for you both."
"Gwen, darling!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "Can you help me bring the tea into the sitting room?"
"I'll help as well!" Tonks said.
"No, no, it's fine!" Mrs. Weasley shrieked. Gwen grinned at Tonks as she carried in the cream and sugar to the sitting room and set them on the table.
"Mrs. Weasley, you should 'ave called me to help you with eet."
Gwen turned at the sound of the unfamiliar voice.
At the entrance to the sitting room stood an elegant girl with long blonde hair and a beautiful pale face. Her body was slim and curvy and her eyes were blue, but not like Gwen's. This girl's eyes were light and clear, like… ice. She seemed familiar but Gwendolyn couldn't place where she had seen her before.
"Oh no," Mrs. Weasley said in a high pitched voice. "We were able to manage on our own, Fleur."
Gwen's heart dropped into her stomach and she wished for nothing more than to slink away into nothing. This was the girl. The girl that Bill had fallen in love with and left her for. The girl who had shattered Gwendolyn's chances of happiness.
"Who eez zis?" Fleur asked, rather rudely, gesturing at Gwen.
"This is Gwendolyn," Mrs. Weasley introduced awkwardly. "Gwen, this is Fleur."
"I am Bill's girlfriend," Fleur said in a manner than stuck a dagger through Gwen's heart. They shook hands.
"Nice to meet you," Gwen said, trying to keep up her smile.
Fleur turned to Mrs. Weasley. "Your people will be 'ere soon, so I must go and get changed."
"Go do that," Mrs. Weasley said softly. As soon as the girl was gone, Mrs. Weasley rushed over to Gwen. "Oh dear, I'm so terribly sorry."
Gwen smiled at her, nearly shaking. "What for?"
"Well, it's a tad bit awkward-"
"Oh no!" Gwen waved it off. "I'm sure she's lovely."
"She's actually rather wretched," Mrs. Weasley muttered. "She and Bill are staying here for a while. Since Fred and George have moved out, we've had extra space."
The Order members started slowly trickling in. It was the first meeting since Sirius died and everyone seemed more aware of the fragility of life.
"Gwen!" Ginny called from the stairs. "Come here!" Gwen went over to her.
"Hi Ginny," she said sweetly.
"Have you seen Fleur yet?" Ginny whispered.
Gwen felt the sinking feeling yet again. "Yes, just a few minutes ago."
"Oh, Gwen, she's horrible!" Ginny said miserably. "I would much rather- I mean, I wish-"
"Ginny," Gwen said sternly. "We just have to deal with her. It's okay."
"You never come anymore!" Ginny whined. "I miss you!"
"I'll come more," Gwen promised, not sure if she really would. Seeing Fleur once for a few minutes had made her miserable.
"Promise?" Ginny said softly. There was a sound of steps coming down the stairs and Ginny's eyes widened.
"Promise." Gwen whispered hurriedly as Fleur approached them.
"It 'ees uncivilized to 'ave conversation on zee stairs!" Fleur said snobbishly. Ginny glanced at Gwen, who smiled apologetically at Fleur.
"Sorry." Fleur made a noise and went into the sitting room.
Soon enough, Bill arrived and sat beside Fleur. Gwen couldn't help glancing at them every so often. They did look lovely…. But Gwen and Bill were better. She knew that. They were meant to be! They had to be…
Dumbledore stood at the front of the group. There was a tangible silence in the room. It felt like ages since they all met last.
"Hello everybody," He greeted. "I would like to begin today's meeting with a sort of memorial. I am sure we all know of the murder of our dear friend, Sirius." There was a silence again and Gwen felt the tears coming to her eyes again. She swallowed and blinked furiously to keep them back.
"Unfortunately, there is no body, so I thought we could take the time to celebrate and respect Sirius's life before we move on to the matters that need to be discussed. If you could, please, take a minute of silence in honor of Sirius Black, the first fallen soldier of the Second Order of the Phoenix."
The silence was beautiful. The sun streamed through the windows and the birds chirped outside. It was peaceful and… heavenly, perhaps. Gwen closed her eyes and suddenly felt a sense of relief for her friend. If there is a heaven, she thought. I hope it feels like this and I hope it's where you are.
Don't worry, Gwennie. I'm alright. She could almost hear him whispering the words into her ear.
"Thank you." Dumbledore said solemnly breaking the silence. "Now, if anyone would like to say a word or two about Sirius, I will give you time to do so." There was an awkward pause, when finally Mrs. Weasley stood up, surprisingly.
"Well…" She paused. "I spent quite a bit of time with Sirius Black in the past year. At first I was rather scared of him, since I was so sure he was a murderer. But then, as I got to know him, I realized he was the most infuriating person who ever lived!" People started to laugh and Gwen smiled. It was true. Sirius knew how to push buttons. "But he was such a good friend to me and to everyone here. He was wonderful with Harry and…" She choked up slightly. "I miss his company." She sat down quickly and hid her face.
Remus stood up and Gwen held her breath for a moment. If Mrs. Weasley broke down, she was sure Remus would. Remus had known Sirius better than anyone else.
"Sirius Black was my best friend," he said quietly. "And he was an honorable man. A foolish man, at times, but he always had the best intentions. I have never found a friend quite like Sirius and I don't… I don't believe I'll ever find one like him again." He sat down and a few people clapped. Tonks clung to Remus to comfort him.
A few other people spoke of Sirius, how brave he was in the first war, how good he was for enduring Azkaban, how clever he was for evading the authorities. Gwen was tempted to stand up, but she wondered if she could truly voice how she felt. She was much better on paper than she was in person.
"Anyone else?" Dumbledore asked and he received no reply. "Very well. I believe that we have given Sirius the honor he deserves." A few people nodded in agreement.
And the meeting began. Dumbledore introduced Fleur as their new member, while Gwen suddenly became very interested in the window. Snape made a report about how Voldemort was taking the attack, saying that the wizard himself was sitting back while his Death Eaters attacked various targets as inconspicuously as possible. He spoke of Voldemort using werewolves, to which Tonks made a worried noise and clung to Remus.
Now that they were actually an item, Tonks and Remus were a little more nauseating than cute, Gwen noted.
Dumbledore warned everyone to remain vigilant, especially the members who fought at the Ministry.
"How will we be fetching Potter?" Moody asked.
"I will be retrieving Harry this year," Dumbledore informed them. "However, I appreciate the enthusiasm, Alastor." Moody grunted. "While we are on the subject of Harry, I would like to inform you of our plans to keep the boy safe. As usual, we have one Order member stationed on Privet Drive- tonight it is Emmeline Vance. When I retrieve him, it is assumed that I should bring him here?"
"Absolutely," said Molly. "I wouldn't want him anywhere else."
"He'll be safe here," Tonks chipped in gleefully.
"Excellent," Dumbledore said with a slight smile. "He will obviously be escorted to the station by the Weasleys. I will need two Order members on the train the day Harry is taken to Hogwarts."
"I'll do it," volunteered Bill. Gwen nearly cringed at hearing his voice again.
"Any other volunteers?" Dumbledore asked. Nobody said anything. "Gwendolyn! Would you be able to do so?"
Gwen looked up at Dumbledore. Patrolling with Bill? Really Dumbledore? She wasn't sure if she wanted to. It might be nice, to finally be able to talk to him. But it might be heartbreaking and awful. However, she knew that where Dumbledore asked her to go was where she was needed. "Yeah," she said as casually as possible. She didn't want to see Bill's reaction, so she stared at her hands.
"Very well. I will also need two people in Hogsmeade and at the station that night." Gwendolyn wondered why Dumbledore didn't just have her go there, since she lived in the village. Maybe he wanted her to reconcile with Bill? It was awkward when two Order members had problems, like Snape and Sirius or Snape and Remus or Snape and…. Basically everyone. Perhaps Snape was a lost cause, but maybe Dumbledore saw hope in Bill and Gwen fixing things.
Or maybe he was just too old to remember that Bill and Gwen had just gone through an awful breakup.
"Kingsley and Tonks? Would you?" Dumbledore asked. They nodded. "The final security measure will be inside the school itself. The school is arguably one of the safest places in the world for anyone to be right now. The wards are the strongest we have ever had. Nobody who I do not want to be in the castle can get in, so we can all agree that Harry is safe there."
"So what do we need to do?" asked Arthur.
"I will be leaving the school for periods of time during the year for reasons I cannot divulge to you just yet," Dumbledore replied. "While we have three fantastic Order members already at Hogwarts-"He nodded at McGongall, Snape, and Hagrid. "I cannot leave the school without extra protection. When I am to leave, I will have three additional Order members in the school at a time. Shifts will be assigned and I will give good notice before I go, in case of schedule conflict."
"But, if you'll pardon me for asking, Professor, why do we need guards in the school when you said the wards are extremely strong?" Gwen asked.
"Excellent question, Gwendolyn." Dumbledore sighed and walked a little closer to the group. "As we have a younger generation of Order members upstairs playing wizard chess right now-"He fell silent and looked up at the ceiling and they all listened to Hermione yelling at Ron. A few people chuckled. "There is a younger generation of Death Eaters being raised up as well. They are ambitious, as are our young ones, and they can be reckless. I do not know if anything will happen, but we must vigilant. I am sure any extremely ambitious person inside of Hogwarts could find a way to let unwanted visitors in. Therefore, we need extra protection."
"We'll help any way we can!" Hestia Jones said and a few members made hooting sounds and cheers.
Dumbledore smiled kindly at the crowd. "I am very lucky to have such a motivated group of people," he said cheerfully. "Now, for our last topic of discussion before we disperse- Harry's emotional health." The excitement in the room faded away.
"Sirius's death devastated him," Remus said quietly.
"I don't know what good it does him locked up with those awful Muggle all summer!" McGonagall said sharply.
"He needs someone to talk to," Tonks suggested.
"He has all of us, when he gets here," Mrs. Weasley said. "And he has the Headmaster and Ron and Hermione."
"But he doesn't have a parental figure," Dumbledore said.
"He's got me!" Mrs. Weasley protested. "I'm as good as his mother."
"She's right," Kingsley agreed. "Harry's always viewed Molly as his mother."
"Forgive me, Molly, I understand, but that isn't what I meant." Mrs. Weasley gave a hmph, then leaned back in her chair. "Harry is very much like his mother in nature and, I believe, needs someone like his mother to talk with."
"Gwen," Remus said suddenly and she felt all the eyes in the room land on her. She, for the second time that day, wanted to melt away beneath the floorboards. It was also getting rather annoying, being "like" this woman whom everyone portrayed as an angel. She had never met Lily Potter and while she must have been a lovely woman, Gwen would much rather be herself than "like Lily".
"I don't see any similarities," McGonagall objected, looking over Gwen as though to find proof to support her opinion.
"Nor do I," Remus explained quickly. "But Sirius did."
"I agree with Sirius," Dumbledore said. "Harry has grown quite attached to you, Gwendolyn. You have been in correspondence, have you not?"
She felt rather awkward that Dumbledore seemed to know everything about everyone. "Yeah. I mean, I sent him some Quidditch stuff before Umbridge became Headmistress and he used to write once a week. When she took over, obviously he couldn't, but he's been writing me much more often since Sirius…" She faded off.
"I think you are the perfect person to counsel Harry," Dumbledore said kindly. "You are, in some ways, like his mother, which can be comforting to him, just as it comforted him that Sirius was like his father. You are younger than most of us and he has already formed a bond with you."
"I don't really understand what you mean by counsel him," Gwen said, feeling rather overwhelmed. She just wanted to go home. Bill and Fleur were cuddling and Sirius was dead and she had an article to write and everyone was comparing her to a dead woman and she felt absolutely and utterly mad.
"Keep writing to him. Talk to him when he comes. Listen to him, make sure he isn't going insane. Imagine being sixteen years old and having the weight of the wizarding world on your shoulders! He needs a confidant and I believe you will do a wonderful job." Gwen didn't say anything, for she wasn't sure what she was to say. Could she counsel someone when perhaps she herself needed counseling? Was she even allowed to say no? She didn't know. It felt weak to decline a job assignment from Dumbledore. So, without any other options, she nodded and Dumbledore concluded the meeting,
She grabbed her bag and passed Bill and Fleur snogging on the couch as she left.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
True change started with her hair.
It was another hot summer in Scotland, though not as hot as the previous year. Gwen's long, curly hair could not be tamed, no matter how much she tried. The potions and products she used could not beat the heat. Yet Fleur Delacour's long, blonde hair stayed sleek and smooth no matter what weather conditions hit. Gwendolyn had kept her promise to Ginny and was visiting the Burrow more often, usually only when Bill was working. It was easier to see just Fleur than both of them. So since she saw Fleur often, she saw her infuriatingly perfect hair just as often and Gwen was very tempted to ask what her secret was. Or shave off all her hair while she was sleeping. She started getting silly thoughts, like if Bill left Gwen for Fleur because Fleur had better hair.
Gwen was starting to feel like Fleur was just a better version of her. Gwen had long hair, but Fleur had nicely kept long hair. Gwen had a nice body, but Fleur's was better. They both had blue eyes but Fleur's were more intense.
One Saturday morning, Gwen got up and saw the mop on her head and she suddenly wanted to change her life.
So she went to a hair salon and cut it all off, right up to her shoulders. They sold professional hair sleeking potions and she bought enough bottles to last the summer. Sporting her new, more chic hairstyle, she went and bought some new clothes. Being single and the Prophet's top writer certainly had its perks, she had to admit. After getting lunch by herself in Diagon Alley, she Apparated home and decided to redecorate a bit. She cleaned the house from top to bottom and rearranged her furniture to give the house a different feel. She put up pictures that she found on her desk and under her bed.
By the day's end, she was rather pleased with her work. Soon enough, she would be moving to a lovely flat in London and she would be moved to the London Prophet office. Maybe I should buy some books or something, she wondered as she made dinner.
She needed to get out of the slump she had been in all summer. It was nearly August and she had spent all her summer home, doing work and crying over Bill and Sirius.
Sirius wouldn't have liked it, she was sure. He would have wanted her to go out on the town and meet new people and forget about Bill. And while she wasn't in the mood to do all that just yet, she was going to try her best to forget Bill Weasley. And she was going to lead a better life.
XXXXXXXXXXX
It was at the Order meeting that Emmaline Vance's murder was announced that Gwen remembered what Betty had said about getting lessons.
A few members of the Order broke out into sobs when Dumbledore told them the news. Gwen was in absolute shock. They just killed her because she was an Order member? Not even in a battle or anything? Were they really that ruthless? Of course they are, they're Death Eaters! Her feeling of vulnerability flooded back to her.
Who could teach her? Dumbledore was much too busy and it looked as though he was recently injured- his hand looked like he had put it in the oven for a few minutes too long. She was too friendly with Remus and Tonks. They wouldn't push her to her limit. The Weasleys wouldn't either. She looked around the room, evaluating each person as a potential teacher when she saw him.
Snape. She had barely spoken to him since their talk over cake in the kitchen. He was a good teacher, from what she remembered. He was rather cruel to the Gryffindors, but he pushed her to her limit and she was fairly confident in her Potions making skills now, though it had been a while. He had always wanted to teach Defense, but he never got the post, so maybe he would actually want to teach her. And who better to teach someone to defend against Death Eaters than… well, a Death Eater.
When the meeting finally concluded, Gwen rushed over to Snape before he had the chance to leave. "Er, hello Snape," she said awkwardly. He turned to look at her. He always seemed to have an air of annoyance. "I need to ask you something." He looked at her expectantly, not replying. "I need someone to teach me how to duel."
"Were you not part of the Battle of the Department of Mysteries?" He said, sarcasm painting every syllable.
"Yes," she said briskly. "I survived by sheer luck and I need someone to teach me how to defend myself."
"And why have you chosen to give me such a task?"
"You've always wanted to teach Defense, haven't you?" She said confidently. "But you haven't gotten the job and well, I figured you would teach me."
Snape smirked slightly. "Well, Gwendolyn, as much as this may surprise you, I have gotten the job."
Gwen blinked. "Really?"
"Really."
"Well, congratulations." She never thought he would actually get the post. "But I still need a teacher, so if you won't do it, I'll have to go find someone else."
"I never said I wouldn't."
This surprised her more than the other news. "So you will? Why?"
"Nobody else in this Order is competent enough to teach you, besides Dumbledore," he said dismissively. "However, you must be prepared to work hard. My time is precious and I won't have it wasted."
"I'm prepared," she said determined.
"We'll see about that," he muttered with a smirk but Gwen ignored his lack of faith. She was ecstatic that he had agreed. She was beaming until she noticed Remus and Tonks were watching them from across the room.
"Fine, fine," she said hurriedly, suddenly wanting to finish the conversation as quickly as possible. "Can we start this week?"
"Since you have told me before you do not allow men in your house," He smirked. "And I have a… guest in mine who will not be pleased to see me training an Order member, I don't believe we can begin until I return to Hogwarts in three weeks."
Tonks was approaching them. "Alright," Gwen said quickly with a smile. "Thank you, Snape. It means a lot."
"Wotcher, Gwen. Snape," Tonks said, looking at Snape with a darker look than she did Gwen. "We're eating dinner now."
Snape didn't say anything to Tonks, but looked at Gwen and said, "I'll let you know when I'm available." Gwen groaned internally as Tonks raised an eyebrow.
"Alright." He left and Tonks immediately began questioning her, as expected.
"Available for what? Why were you even speaking with him?"
Gwen sighed. "It's nothing like you're thinking, don't worry."
"Are you sure? You ought to be careful with the likes of him, you know." They made their way to the kitchen when they heard cheering.
Upon walking in, there was Bill, on one knee in front of Fleur, holding a box with a beautiful ring inside.