Chapter 13.

"You can't tell that story."

"It's a great story! People will love it."

"I don't care if they'd turn it into a bloody stage play, you're not telling it."

Sirius sighed and looked at his friend expectantly. "James?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Lily interrupted before James could reply. "You can't just ask James if you can override me. He's going to agree with me." Lily turned her head to face him too, settling her chin in her hand. "Right?"

James looked back and forth between Sirius and Lily several times before looking at his fiancée. "He makes a good point."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, James," Lily said, leaning back into her chair and folding her arms. "You honestly want McGonagall to hear that story?"

"What is she going to do, give us detention?"

"You want to chance the idea that won't?"

Sirius watched James take in her retort for a minute before turning back to him. "She's right, Padfoot, we better nix it."

Sirius threw up his hands in exasperation. "McGonagall is not going to give you detention for this."

"We broke about ten rules in that instance alone," Remus said, coming back from the loo. "I wouldn't chance it either."

"But it's perfect," Sirius argued. "It completely encompasses just how vast James' love for you is and it teaches a good life lesson at the end."

"And what would that be?" Lily questioned, her eyes staring a hole into his head.

"Don't have sex in the common room."

Sirius and James laughed at Remus' quick remark, though Lily reached over and slapped his arm. "I expect more from you, Lupin."

"For the life of me, I don't understand why," Remus replied. "You do realize I was the one who figured out how to get around all those rules, right?"

"I could have gotten around them," Lily protested. "I was Head Girl, don't you forget."

"And yet it was always me the professors praised for intelligence."

Sirius laughed to himself as Lily continued to argue back and forth with Remus, moving to cross another story off of his list. They had been at this for almost two hours as Lily had decided she needed to screen what stories Sirius was planning to tell during his Best Man speech. So far, he was only allowed to mention the first day they all met and the day that James proposed. Every other occasion he had wished to talk about had been deemed "too inappropriate for a wedding," whatever that meant.

"I'm running out of stories, Lil," Sirius complained, looking at his nearly entirely crossed off list. "You've got to give me something."

"I told you what you could talk about," Lily replied, taking a drink of her water.

"I can't talk about your proposal."

"Why not?"

"Because everyone that will be at the wedding already knows how you got engaged."

Lily closed her eyes and rubbed her head with her hands. "Fine," she said. "I'll bargain with you. Change or take out anything that is or possibly could be taken the wrong way, and I'll let you use a couple of stories."

"Wait," Sirius stopped her. "I have to change it?"

"That takes out the entire point of telling the story," Remus said. "Why would you change what could arguably be the best part?"

"Look," Lily stated, leaning back into the table towards the group. "You can either take this or you can get over it and make people cry at how amazing James' proposal was. It's your choice."

Sirius looked back at his list, going over the stories he had written down. "Anything that can be taken the wrong way?"

"Anything."

"So I should probably take out the insinuation that you like to ride horses?"

Lily paused for a moment, cocking her head to the side. "That I like to ride horses?" she repeated, confusion spreading over her face. James took a drink from the cup sitting in front of him.

"Yeah," Sirius replied, doing his best to keep his face straight. "James said that you two usually like to do it—"

"JAMES POTTER," Lily screamed as Remus began cackling next to him. James had nearly spit out his drink as the realization set in, and it didn't take long before he was joining in on the laughter too. Lily had thrown her head down onto the table in embarrassment, and while Sirius certainly felt sorry for being the source of it, he'd be lying if he said the feeling lasted long.

After several minutes of laughter had passed, Lily raised her head and glared at her fiancé. "Why would you tell him that?"

"He asked," James offered, but Lily had already begun groaning.

"Sirius, I swear, if you breathe a word of this or even slightly allude to it at my wedding, you'll have nothing left to offer any girl."

Sirius dramatically picked up the quill and scratched out the phrase, feeling his attempts at writing a killer best man speech quickly fading away. He took a moment to look at the remaining stories he had written down to offer up, quickly scratching out all but two. He felt Lily's contempt for this whole process begin to rise as she released an exasperated sigh, though he also heard James quietly snickering beside her. Oh well, he thought. At least I still have—

"And I don't want any deer related jokes at my wedding either."

The whole table complained at that.

"Not a single deer related joke." Lily crossed her arms tightly across her chest, eyeing the whole table as she continued. "The whole point of you all being unregistered animagi is that no one knows about it. If you keep making obvious references to it, people are bound to catch on. I'm not going to have my wedding be the cause for an investigation from Voldemort and his little friends."

Remus leaned in, folding his hands on the table. "Lily, you have to let them have the deer jokes. We've been coming up with puns for months."

"Years, if you count all the times before you two were officially engaged."

"And what are you going to do if there's someone acting as a spy and gives this information to him?" Lily questioned. "You don't tell jokes, you don't risk outing one of the biggest benefits the Order has."

"No," Sirius shook his head sullenly. "The deer jokes stay."

"Sirius," Lily actually whined, catching all of them off guard. "Not on my day, please. I am literally begging you."

"What's all this 'my wedding, my day' nonsense?" James asked, resting an arm around the back of Lily's chair. "It's our wedding."

Lily didn't even look at him, maintaining eye contact with Sirius, as she replied monotonously, "It's my day. Keep it up and you won't be invited."

Sirius grasped the hands of the woman sitting in front of him, pleading with her with his eyes. "Lily, please. I have so many jokes that you will find a-doe-able."

Lily groaned loudly. "That's it—"

"Okay, okay, that was a cheap shot, I'm sorry." Sirius tugged on her hands until she was looking at him again. "But come on, you've taken everything away from me. I've lost the best stories, the Quidditch references, and you've even taken James away from me." Sirius watched as Lily closed her eyes tightly, though he could tell she was having trouble not smiling over that last one. With a nod towards James, he continued. "Please, let me have the puns."

Lily met his gaze, her face strong and steady as she pondered over his argument. She squinted her eyes slightly before replying, "You get ten."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Twenty."

"Ten," Lily countered, her face unwavering.

"Fifteen."

"Ten."

Sirius stretched his neck to one side. "Twelve, final offer."

"Ten."

"Deal," Sirius said, reaching out his hand for her to shake.

Remus patted him on his shoulder. "Great job bargaining, Padfoot."

"Yeah, yeah," Lily rolled her eyes, standing up from her seat and stretching her arms out. "Wouldn't have needed to bargain if you had followed the rules correctly the first time."

"James was the one who gave me the rules," Sirius said as she took her glass back into the kitchen. "I followed everything correctly."

"Yeah, except for the part where I told you that James' rules don't count."

James' eyes followed her to the kitchen, a content smile coming to his face. "And they say romance is dead."

"Good thing we're still going strong, right Prongs?" Sirius teased, tossing him a flirtatious wink.

"I don't know," Remus replied, reaching for his cup. "Looks like the relationship that's still going strong is yours and Beth's."

"Oh yeah," Lily said, coming back into the room with a fresh glass of water. "Please, tell me how you haven't screwed this one up yet."

"Hey, not all of us can deny the fact we're attracted to one another before finally agreeing to date during our seventh year," Sirius retorted. Lily cast him a glare, though he once again saw the trace of a smile reaching her face. She returned to her spot at the table, scooting her chair closer to James and leaning her head on his shoulder.

"And now look at us," James responded, looking down at his shoulder. "Two months from getting married and arguing over deer puns." Sirius watched as Lily smiled softly, leaning into James' shoulder more when he kissed the top of her head.

Not to be outdone, Sirius said, "Yeah, well, Beth and I just went on a date that we didn't steal from you two, so beat that."

"Wow," Remus laughed. "It's becoming serious enough that we're going on actual dates with actual time invested now."

As James and Lily laughed along with him, Sirius held up his hands. "Okay, okay, so I haven't always had the best experience with girls, but I really fancy Beth. She's…" Sirius paused a moment, trying to find a word that best encapsulated the person he got to claim as his own. "She's wonderful," he finally decided, a smile sneaking its way onto his face. "What she sees in me, I'll never know."

"We'll never know," Lily mumbled under her breath.

Sirius shifted his gaze to her to confront her, but was caught the off-guard look crossing James' face. "Wow," his friend softly exclaimed, staring at him deeper. "You're telling the truth, aren't you?"

Sirius laughed out loud and looked at Remus. "Where is this whole idea that I don't tell the truth coming from?"

"Probably from the countless lies you've told to get your way."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Please, name one."

"A month ago," Remus immediately began, "you told Dumbledore that you couldn't go on an assignment because you had an important engagement when you really were going to a concert."

Sirius looked at him incredulously. "It was an important engagement."

"He told me to go instead and while I was gone, you met Beth. What if I had died?" Remus asked dramatically, clutching his hands over his heart.

"Yeah, well, you didn't," Sirius weakly argued.

"Remus makes a good point though; you've only known her for about a month," Lily interjected, no anger or disdain seeping through. The change was very welcome as opposed to the previous conversations they'd had about Beth, and he could tell that she was trying her best to remain calm about this. "There's a whole other side to you, to all of us, that she has no idea about. The only things she knows about you are the fake stories we've all told her."

Sirius sat back in his chair, keeping his gaze focused on her. "So I should go ahead and tell her now that I'm a wizard, is that what you're suggesting?"

Lily lifted her head off of James' shoulder as she protested, "No, no, that's not what I'm saying—"

"She's right, Padfoot," James interrupted, no doubt hearing the rise of her tone as she had begun speaking. "I'm happy for you two, I really am, but your whole relationship is built on lies. Granted, they're lies that anyone else in this situation has had to tell too, and lies that are necessary to the secrecy of the government, but how do you think she's going to react when she finds out?"

Sirius shook his head slightly, trying to process what he had just heard. "Who says I'm telling her anything? What happened to 'we've only known each other for a month'?"

"What we're saying is be careful of falling too hard too quickly," James explained, moving to rub Lily's arm. "She's only going to be here for the summer. If, for whatever reason, this happens to work out for the both of you, you're going to have to tell her."

"Wait, why do I have to tell her?" he asked, looking toward James. "You're the one who's known her your entire life."

"And yet, you're the one swapping saliva with her on a daily basis."

Sirius nodded. "Point taken."

"So let's agree on this, then," James offered, leaning up into his chair. "If you somehow reach a point where you think that you're in love with her, then we'll talk. We'll decide whether or not we think it's necessary for her to know everything, and if it is, then we tell her. You're in a more tender spot than I am, though. She'll take it harder hearing it from you than she will from me."

"And what makes you think that?"

"I told him," Lily said. "Trust me, I'm right."

"She is, always," James replied quickly, causing the rest of the group to chuckle softly.

"Until then what will you do?" Lily asked.

"Until then," he responded, taking in a deep breath, "we're just your normal, everyday couple that will fight to keep the sanctity of deer puns alive."

Remus snickered quietly at his response as Lily looked up at James. "I think I want him uninvited, too," she stated.

"Wait, 'too'?" James questioned, seemingly flabbergasted at the word.

Lily nodded. "You're still pending approval," she said as she reached up to kiss his cheek.

James opened his mouth to throw a retort back at her, but at that moment, the door opened widely. She's back, Sirius thought, smiling instantly as he watched the very person they were talking about enter the room. She greeted everyone with a cheerful hello, but it was with him that her eyes met. In that moment, with the topic of conversation preceding it, the way she looked right now, and the way her presence made him feel, Sirius knew that he was very much in danger of having to have that talk with her and James.

"Hello," she greeted quietly as she moved to take the seat next to him, kissing his cheek before she sat down. His arm instinctively went around her, holding her closely to him as she leaned her head down on his shoulder.

"Long day?" James asked.

"Exhausting," Beth complained. "The elevators are under maintenance today. I swear I've never seen a group of people so cranky in my life."

"You clearly haven't done a wedding planning session with Lily," Sirius whispered loudly in her ear, cocking an eyebrow up at Lily's glare.

"Oh, please," Lily commented, looking directly at Beth. "Your boyfriend over there is an utter tosser."

"No," Beth said dryly and sarcastically. "Sirius? Never."

"He's trying to tell completely inappropriate stories at my wedding. I want you and Remus to take out anything that you deem as such."

Remus and Beth's eyes met, confusion spreading over her face. She looked back towards Lily. "You do know that Remus is simply going to egg it on, right?"

"Look at that," Remus chuckled, pointing at her. "Beth's been here for over a month and already knows me better than you do."

Lily met his gaze squarely. "I'll take away the chocolate fondue."

Remus instantly looked towards Sirius and, with mock sincerity, stated, "Not a single deer pun, Padfoot."

"Nah, you'll come around," Sirius said, standing up from his seated position. Reaching out his hand, he pulled Beth up as the rest of the table followed suit, moving to different parts of the house. Keeping her hand held tightly in his, he gazed down at her, keeping their place by the table. "How are you?" he asked, squeezing her hand slightly.

"So much better now," Beth said, reaching up to place a chaste kiss on his lips. He felt her hand curl around his neck as she did so, and she kept it there when she pulled away, scratching the back lightly. "I am starving, though," she admitted. "Do you want to grab something?"

"Oh," Sirius said, confused. "I thought you said yesterday you had some work to do tonight?"

"I thought I did," she stated. "Turns out I got it all done. Do you already have something planned?"

Sirius nodded. "James, Remus, Peter, and I are going out for a pint tonight. I'm sure if you wanted to, you could tag along—"

"Oh, no."

"No?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "Go have fun with your friends. I'll ask Lily if she wants to get dinner."

Sirius stopped her from leaving immediately as she intended, pulling her back towards him instead. "You really don't mind?"

"Of course not," Beth replied, smiling. "Your friends are much more important. Promise me something, though."

Sirius gazed down at her twinkling, beautiful eyes, a smile grazing his face as well. "What's that?"

"Make it up to me."

Laughing, he reached down and captured her lips again, an arm snaking it's way around her waist. Pulling back for just barely enough room to breathe, he whispered, "Oh, I intend to."

He would have pulled her back in, would have stayed there for many, many minutes (hours) more, if a loud "Oi!" had not interrupted them. Facing James, the two stepped away from each other, Beth's giggle escaping easily.

"I leave the room for one minute and come back and find this? Do either of you have even a shred of decency in you?" Beth went to answer, but James held up his hand. "I don't even want to hear it."

"Don't listen to him," Sirius said to her, making sure that James could hear him as well. "He's just jealous you got to all of this before he did."

James rolled his eyes. "As true as that may be, will you please set up away from this raw, carnal display and fix your hair or something?"

"I'm going, I'm going," he said, pressing one more kiss to Beth's forehead before heading off. He smiled contently, feeling lighter than he had in years, and moved down the hall for the loo. Behind him, he could hear James telling Beth that he had promised her mother that she'd return home in one piece, and displays like that made it hard to keep his promise. Sirius smiled as she teasingly defended their relationship, proclaiming that she was "wildly, madly in love with the father of her child." Sirius was enjoying the eloquent, almost well-rehearsed string of curses that followed from his friend when Remus walked to the door of the room, leaning onto one side.

"Did you hear all that?" Sirius asked, motioning towards the living room.

"How could I not?"

Sirius nodded and laughed, going for the stack of clothes lying on his bed. He could have sworn he last saw his leather jacket over here somewhere. Rummaging through, his face scrunched up. It wasn't there. Where could it—

"She fits in with us well, doesn't she?"

Sirius briefly glanced at his friend as he walked to the other side of the room. Maybe it was over here? "You think so?"

He saw Remus nod out of the corner of his eye. "Is she coming with us tonight?" he heard him ask.

Dang it, it wasn't there either. "No, she said I needed some time to be with you lot."

"She did?"

Sirius looked up at Remus at the tone of his question. It seemed incredulous, almost unbelieving. "Yeah," he confirmed, giving him a slight look of confusion. Shaking it off, he returned to the pile, lifting shirt after shirt from it. He rummaged through it for a few moments more, thinking for a moment he saw it lying at the bottom.

"You do realize that if you hurt her, James will kill you."

Sirius looked up, finding Remus standing beside him, leather jacket in hand. Grabbing it from him, he casually replied, "Yeah, I know."

Remus nodded, standing there a moment longer as Sirius threw on the jacket. When the jacket was entirely on, Sirius moved away, aiming to head back to the living room.

"I'll probably help him."

Sirius turned back around, facing his friend. His face was straight, absolutely no trace of humor indicated. Struck by the sincerity, Sirius clapped him on his shoulder, trying to ease his face as much as possible. It wasn't very effective, but Sirius swore he saw his face release some of the tension visible. "Relax, Moony," he said. "I'm not going to hurt her."

Turning to leave the room, he didn't manage to hear Remus whisper under his breath, "You'd better not."

A/N: It's been so long! How are all of you? I'm so sorry for the delay, but I didn't want any of you to think I'd forgotten this story. School has been absolutely hectic, but I think I'm finally finding a rhythm that will help me get this story where it needs to be :)

As always, thank you for all of the follows, favorites, and reviews. For those of you just perusing this, I can't thank you enough for making it this far. Every one of you mean so much to me (particularly you, nimblescrivener).

Up next, the plot finally starts to kick in. I've been working on the next chapter for months, so stick around!