Mrs. Weasley had invited her over for tea one Thursday in late November, when Gwen decided to take a personal day off from work. The house was absolutely empty, which was unusual for Gwen, but normal for Mrs. Weasley.
"It's one of the reasons I miss Sirius and Remus dearly," she admitted as she sipped her tea. "While everyone is working, they would keep me company, despite them being rather irritating at times."
"You know I would spend all day every day with you if I could, Mrs. Weasley," Gwen said with a smile. She looked out the window at the icy winter world, wondering where her werewolf friend was. "When will we see Remus again, do you think?"
"Very soon, actually," Mrs. Weasley said cheerfully. "He sent word to Dumbledore that he'll be here for Christmas!"
"That's wonderful! I've been missing Remus as of late. I hope he's alright."
"He ought to be. Perhaps a bit underfed, but we can fix that in no time." Gwen grinned. Mrs. Weasley was everyone's mother.
"I don't know how Tonks will take to seeing Remus again," Gwen worried aloud.
"Have you spoken to her recently?"
"A bit, but not as much as I'd like to," Gwen admitted. "She makes me feel rather down as of late. She's been in counseling, though."
"She has to face him again, dear."
"I know." The women sighed.
"At least everyone will be home for Christmas," Mrs. Weasley whispered, putting their empty cups in the sink. Gwen heard her voice crack and she knew that Percy was on her mind.
"Maybe he'll come say hi," Gwen said sadly, knowing he wouldn't.
"I dream of him often," Mrs. Weasley whispered. She looked at Gwen. "It's very sad when your own child doesn't want anything to do with you."
Gwen felt awkward all of a sudden and muttered a "yeah". She felt an urge to leave and bid Mrs. Weasley goodbye. The older witch told her to make sure to leave Christmas and New Year's free to spend with the Weasleys and Gwen told her she would never spend her holidays with anybody else.
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Sometimes Gwen believed Snape only continued to teach her because they were having sex. She wasn't a horrible student- she had mastered speed and subtly rather quickly. But expecting spells had become extremely difficult and they had spent hours upon hours on the topic. She was quite sure that she could expect spells from any other witch or wizard on earth- except Severus Snape. But that was what made him the best, she assumed.
She entered the man's chambers to find him in the bedroom at the desk he kept in there, behind a pile of papers.
"I cannot teach you tonight, Gwendolyn," he said before she even announced her presence.
"You have to grade all of those?" she asked, rather surprised at the height of the pile.
"Obviously."
She went over to him and took half the pile and sat on the floor.
"What are you doing?" he demanded. She pulled out her quill.
"Didn't you say I ought to consider being a teacher? What does it look like I'm doing? I'm helping." She grabbed the page on the top of her pile.
"I don't need your help!" He nearly yelled.
She looked at him, annoyed. "Can't you ever accept assistance, Severus?" She asked sadly. "It's merely grading papers."
They locked eyes until Severus looked away. He said nothing more but went back to grading. Pleased, she did the same.
Two hours passed before they were completely finished. They brought the papers to his classroom and began to organize them by year and house.
"Was I this dimwitted when I was a first year?" she asked, holding up a very poorly written essay. Snape smirked.
"Now you understand the torture I go through daily," he muttered. "I don't particularly remember you as a first year, if I am completely honest."
She shrugged as she sorted the last few papers, then smiled, satisfied. "Well that was fun."
"You have a very warped definition of fun," he said. They walked back to his rooms in silence. Gwendolyn was getting tired and she wondered if she should just go home instead of staying the night.
They reached his chambers and Gwen could see the snow falling down from Snape's only window. It was rather long and tall and if one looked up and out of it, there was a beautiful view of the sky. But the snow made Gwen sad and she wasn't sure why. She turned and saw Snape looking at her, obviously expectant. But she suddenly felt the need to be alone. She had a faint memory of when she had dated the reporter Andy Smudgley a while back. She was to stay the night, but she had suddenly felt this same feeling and decided to go home. He had thrown a fit, saying it was rude to change her mind so suddenly. It was one of the reasons why she had broken up with him.
"I think… I just… I don't…"
"Please finish your thought," Snape said, sounding bored and annoyed, like usual.
"I don't really want to be together tonight," she blurted. "I just… I need to be alone."
She was expecting him to get upset or irritated, or maybe even make a face. But he didn't.
"Fine," he said simply. "Though it would be impractical to leave at this hour in this weather."
"Oh," she said softly, looking at the clock. It was indeed nearly one in the morning.
"Do you mind staying? You can have the room to yourself, if you need it." She blinked, rather shocked at how nice he was being out of nowhere. It was extremely out of character.
"I don't mind staying," she said slowly. "You don't have to leave the room if you don't want to, that's unnecessary."
"If you need your space, then you ought to be alone," he said simply.
"Why are you being so kind?"
"Why must you ask such questions?" he snapped. "Don't expect me to act like this often- or ever again."
She grinned. "Now why on earth would anyone expect Severus Snape to be kind?"
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It was December and Christmas was fast approaching, which meant good feelings and lots of peppermint sweets. Betty had teased Gwen for buying so many from Honeydukes during their lunch.
"You're a child, Gwen. Who wastes so much money on sweets?"
"They only come once a year! They're my absolute favorite!"
With a stash of peppermint sweets in her purse and a desire for a wonderful holiday, Gwen was doing her best to feel cheerful. But there were nights when the snow was falling against the icy black night and she felt sadness chill her heart. It was uncontrollable and unexplainable and she wanted the sadness to go far away.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Gwendolyn!" she heard Mr. Cuffe's voice call her from her cubicle. She still wished she had an office, so people could knock on the door when they needed her instead of shouting for her. There had been plans to get her one, but when the London workers moved here, there was no room anymore.
She got up and walked over to where her superior was standing. Beside him was a jolly looking man wearing gray robes and many trinkets. "Yes, Mr. Cuffe?" she said sweetly.
"Gwen, this is Professor Horace Slughorn," he said, gesturing towards the man. "He's the Potions Master at Hogwarts School. Professor, this is Gwendolyn O'Shea, my top writer." Mr. Cuffe winked teasingly and Gwen smiled, shaking the professor's hand.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Professor."
"Oh, but the pleasure is all mine, my dear!" Slughorn exclaimed. "I am an avid reader of the Daily Prophet and Barnibus here was a student of mine, but I cannot remember having you, my dear! You write quite brilliantly and I have been yearning to meet you since your columns and articles have gained so much popularity and success."
"Thank you so much, Professor Slughorn, that's very kind of-"
"Tell me, my dear when did you start at Hogwarts."
"1981," she said, realizing how long ago that was. Fifteen years ago.
"Ah, but that was my first year in retirement," he said, sounding disappointed. "Then you had Severus Snape, did you not?"
"Yes, I did."
"Severus was always brilliant, definitely one of my best. My best student, Harry Potter- I am sure you have heard of him- was taught by Severus for five years."
Gwen was rather surprised to hear that Harry was Slughorn's best student, since Harry had never been exceptionally wonderful at Potions. She would have expected Hermione Granger to be Slughorn's best. She also wondered how Severus would react if he knew Horace Slughorn was basing Severus's brilliance on the skills of Harry Potter. She smirked inwardly. "Well, that's wonderful to hear, Professor." She smiled.
"My dear, I was wondering- the day before the students return home for Christmas holidays I will be holding a party of sorts, at the castle. I only invite my prized students and some ladies and gentlemen who I believe do notable things for society. I would be so honored if you could attend!" He looked at her expectantly and Gwen was about to decline, when she noticed Mr. Cuffe mouthing "Say yes!" behind Slughorn.
"I would… be delighted!" she said cheerfully.
"Oh, excellent, excellent, how wonderful! I'll expect you there as well, Barnibus."
"I wouldn't miss it," Mr. Cuffe said.
"Wonderful, splendid!" Slughorn exclaimed. "Well, I must be off then, Barnibus! I hear a glass of firewhiskey calling my name. It was lovely to meet you, Miss O'Shea."
"And you, Professor."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Gwen, Hestia, and Kingsley were on Hogwarts duty that night, since Dumbledore was absent from the school. She had been patrolling since she got off work and it was nearly midnight. Tonks, Arthur, and Moody would be coming to relieve them when the clock struck.
Since she figured no Death Eaters would be attacking the school in the next ten minutes, Gwen decided to go up to the Astronomy Tower. For a reason unbeknownst to her, looking at the stars made her feel less lonely and more united with the universe. It was silly and she knew it, but it made her feel better.
She opened the heavy door at the bottom of the tower and slipped in. Silently, she walked up the stone stairs, feeling the cold night air hitting her more strongly as she ascended. She reached the top and was very surprised to see she was not alone.
"Severus?" He turned around. "I didn't mean to bother you. I didn't know you were up here."
"It's fine," he said without explanation. She joined him by the railing and looked up at the sky in all its brilliance.
"I've always loved the stars," she breathed. "If I hadn't been so focused on being a reporter, I would've taken Astronomy all seven years."
"I was never fond of the particulars," he said softly. "Someone I once knew said stars are made of the purest of magic."
"That's rather profound," she said, smiling at the diamonds in the clear night. "But maybe they were right."
"Perhaps." He seemed to be deep in thought. Maybe he was thinking of the stars and their magic. Maybe he was thinking of this person who said profound things. Or maybe it was something else. The mind of Severus Snape was perhaps even more confusing and mysterious than the stars above them. Finally he returned to reality. "What are you doing here?"
"I was on duty since seven," she explained. "I just got off and I wanted to see the stars."
"And did you find what you were looking for?"
Gwen was surprised at Severus's words. It was as though he was reading her heart.
"Not really," she said softly, looking back at the stars. There was a streak of light across the sky. "Make a wish."
"Wishes are futile, Gwendolyn."
"Make one anyway."
They stood in the comfortable silence for a while.
XXXXXXX
A few weeks later, Gwen Apparated in front of the Burrow. There was music and warmth coming from inside, so she hurried in from the cold December air. To her amazement, there was Remus Lupin, putting on a jazz record. She started to laugh. "Remus!" She exclaimed, hanging up her cloak. He was dancing with himself in the middle of the sitting room. "You're back!"
He hurried over to her and grabbed her hand and twirled her around. "Hello, Gwendolyn!" He said cheerfully. "May I have this dance?" He bowed overdramatically.
"Of course you may!" She replied. They laughed and began to dance together.
Every mornin', every evenin', ain't we got fun
Not much money, oh, but honey, ain't we got fun
The rent's unpaid, dear, and we haven't a bus
But smiles were made, dear, for people like us
"They said you weren't returning till Christmas!" she said breathing heavily as he dipped her.
"I'm only a week early!" They continued to dance and the people who were in the sitting room and kitchen watched eagerly, laughing and smiling.
In the winter, in the summer, don't we have fun
Times are bum and gettin' bummer, still we have fun
There's nothing surer, the rich get rich and the poor get poor
In the meantime, in between time, ain't we got fun
"Remember we used to play jazz all the time at Grimmauld Place?" Gwen said, grinning as Mr. and Mrs. Weasley joined in.
"How could I ever forget?" He twirled her around and her polka dot dress danced her around her beautifully. "They have some wonderful jazz clubs in London, you know?"
"I've been aching to go!" He suddenly let go of her and went to steal Mrs. Weasley away from her husband. Other people had joined in on their spontaneous little dance party and Gwen looked around for a new partner when she saw Tonks watching in the doorway. She hurried over to her friend and held out her hands. "Dance with me, Tonks!"
"No… I'd rather not," Tonks said sounding miserable and Gwen's face fell.
"Tonks, your counselor told you to go outside your comfort zone," Gwen reminded her and Tonks glared at Gwen angrily.
"I don't want to dance, Gwendolyn." Tonks barked and Gwen was taken aback by her friend's tone.
"But-"
"Just go!" Tonks snapped and Gwen sighed sadly.
"Alright. Let me know if you change your mind." Gwen returned to the sitting room, her mood slightly less happy. Remus grabbed her hand as the song was just about to finish. He spun her around dramatically and dipped her at the song's close, leaving her out of breath and laughing.
Everyone was clapping at the song's end and she heard Dumbledore complimenting everyone on their dancing skills, saying they ought to have a real party soon. She silently agreed, though she wondered how it would be without a drunken Sirius. She noticed Snape leaning against the wall and gave him a small smile, which he unsurprisingly did not return. Everyone was settling down and taking their seats and Gwen started fanning herself with a piece of spare parchment on the couch.
"Good evening, everyone," Dumbledore greeted. "I'm very pleased to see that amidst such great darkness, we still manage to see the light." He smiled at Remus. "I'm also proud to welcome our good friend Remus Lupin home from his journey's with Greyback's pack." Everyone clapped for Lupin, except of course Tonks.
"Our first topic of discussion tonight will be-" Tonks abruptly stood up and stormed outside, slamming the door home behind her. Gwen couldn't take her eyes off the door and a few people were whispering.
"Gwendolyn?" She looked at Dumbledore and understood what he wanted her to do. She nodded and silently stood and went outside.
"Tonks?" she called. The wind answered her and she sighed, walking around the house. Perhaps Tonks had Apparated away. She hurried around to the backyard, shivering. She had not thought to grab her cloak. She smelled cigarette smoke and low and behold, there was Tonks, smoking her fag. "Tonks! What are you doing?"
"Smoking a fag," the girl replied, her voice colder than the air. "Care for one?"
Gwen blinked at her. She could not believe this girl was the Tonks she had become best friends with a year ago. The Tonks who was always so excited and sweet and happy. The Tonks with colorful hair and a vibrant laugh. Had Remus Lupin truly destroyed her?
"No thanks," Gwen said simply. "Why did you leave the meeting?"
Tonks puffed out some smoke. "Why do you think, Gwen? You were never dumb."
"Because of Remus? Tonks, you'll have to face him sometime!" Gwen knew she wasn't being very compassionate, but she didn't care. She wanted her friend back!
"You're one to talk!" Tonks spat. "You can barely talk to Bill Weasley even though he dumped you a year ago! And when you do speak to him, you go home and cry and go shag Snape so you can feel better about yourself!"
"What are you saying?" Gwen whispered, her heart sinking.
"Oh please, I know you're with Snape again! Of course you don't tell me! But you don't care for Snape!" She threw the cigarette to the grown and it extinguished in the snow. "Perhaps not even for Bill. Maybe you fancy Remus!"
"Tonks!" Gwen cried, wounded by her friend. "You're saying such untrue things! Why would I fancy Remus?"
"I saw you dancing!" Tonks screamed furiously.
"So what?" Gwen shouted back, knowing she shouldn't act this way, knowing she should stay calm for her friend. "We all used to dance together at Grimmauld Place! We were friends!"
"IT ISN'T HOW IT USED TO BE!" Tonks screamed, her voice echoing into the cold winter air. Gwen suddenly felt the reality hit her. Tonks was right. Nothing was how it had been last year. Sirius was dead. Bill was engaged. Their group of friends had been torn apart ruthlessly by circumstance and war. Gwen exhaled, watching the little puff of air leave her lips.
"You… you're right, Tonks," Gwen said softly. "I keep trying to believe it's still the same. But I don't fancy Remus. I'm not shagging Snape. I don't cry over Bill anymore." Well… at least only one thing was a lie. "Please Tonks. I need a friend and you do too. We have to fix this!" She was begging and Tonks's eyes softened.
"I… I know. I'm sorry… I have to… go." She turned on her heel and vanished into the icy air, leaving Gwendolyn alone. She wrapped her arms around herself as she stared at the spot where Tonks had stood. After a few minutes, she slowly walked back inside.
She slipped inside and the group looked at her as she entered. Gwen said nothing but took her spot back on the couch, her mind not in the Burrow, but far away, in the Grimmauld Place of 1996.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"I'm not very surprised that she grew angry with you," Snape said after they had been together that night. Gwen's fight with Tonks was still bothering her to no end. "After all, you did show some very public displays of affection towards her werewolf."
"Dancing is displaying affection now?" she demanded. She sighed and adjusted her pillow. "Do you ever dwell on the past?"
He was silent for a moment and she turned to look at him. He was looking at the ceiling, obviously thinking. Finally, he spoke.
"I used to, when I was younger. I had not yet gained full control of my mind. Dwelling on the past obsessively causes weakness and weakness is what kills people in wars."
"Everything I ask you leads back to war," she said with a sigh. "Your life is this war, Severus!"
"Precisely," he said bitterly. "Hence why I very much appreciate you being willing to let me shag you once a week."
"How do you control your mind?" she asked, wondering if it helped much.
"Occlumency, of course. It is essential for my role in the Order."
"And does it really help you not think about the past?" She asked eagerly.
"Gwendolyn, you cannot forget the past no matter what you do," He said softly, looking over at her. "Occlumency helps you control your mind, but the past is still there."
"Can you teach me?"
"You still have not perfected delivering unexpected spells." He smirked. "If you ever manage to do so-"
"You know I will, don't be rude."
"-then yes, I can try to teach you Occlumency. It is a very different branch of magic that few know and few can master."
"Well then how remarkable you are, being able to do such a thing," she said sarcastically.
"You're rather annoying this evening," he stated bluntly. "Either let me shag you again or go to sleep."
She smirked at his rudeness, then flopped over on her side. "Good night, Severus."
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AN: Whenever I read a novel/fanfiction and the characters sing or dance to a song, I like to listen to it while I read. If you're interested to do the same, the song that Remus and Gwen dance to is Ain't We Got Fun sung by Renee Olstead. Peggy Lee does a great job too but her rendition is muuuuch slower.