Chapter 17.

Lily's flat was filled with boxes, and frankly it was a little suffocating.

The whole group of Marauders were there, trying to help sort and stock items into some sort of logical way so that Lily could officially move in with James. So far, they'd all managed to somehow mess up where an item was supposed to go at least twice. "The glass can't go right beside the plates, what if the box lands glass side down during the enlargement charm and the plates crush it?" or "Why, why would you shrink the rocking chair and put it with the books? Does it look like a bookend to you?" Remus had yet to turn up, which meant that the only "clearly organized" person available was, by her own admission, Lily Evans, which in turn meant doing things exactly according to her will.

Truth be told, though, it was a welcome distraction for Sirius. When he'd left James' flat nearly two weeks ago, he'd apparated home and simply sat there, facing an empty fireplace. He'd been met with thoughts of gratitude, much to his surprise, and had decided then that the end of their relationship was the right choice. She would be happier now, he knew that, and he would be able to put his whole attention to this never-ending, god-awful war. For nearly a week, this had carried him, and he found himself floating through life as he had normally been, an unseen weight lifted off of his shoulders.

But then he'd seen her.

Out of habit and muscle memory, he'd walked into James' flat without even thinking about it. James had been in the same room, thankfully, but she'd been sitting on the couch reading. When they saw each other, both of them flushed, and hurried greetings were dished out before James took note of the obvious discomfort and left with him.

The second he closed the door was when he had started to pine.

To be fair, it hadn't been a series of wails or sobbing into his pillow over what could have been. It really didn't have a physical effect on him at all. Instead, he began to notice how quickly she had become a part of the pattern in his life. He'd found himself thinking about what she was eating for dinner that night, what book she'd be reading, what time she'd finally crawled into bed. He noticed that the memories he'd managed to stash away for that first week were creeping back in. That was the bench we had ice cream on. That was the canopy we stood under during the rain. London was bloody crawling with memories, and it irritated him daily.

So when Lily had said she needed help moving, he'd jumped on it quickly. The chance to have a conversation that distracted him from anything about Beth was exactly what he needed. So far, he'd been correct.

But that didn't stop him from rolling his eyes as he moved the rocking chair away from her books.

"We've been at this for hours, Evans," James complained, flopping onto the ground. "When can we stop?"

"When everything is finished and tucked away so I can move in, you dolt."

James turned his head towards her. "What if we just bought you new stuff altogether?"

Peter groaned. "Godric, that sounds wonderful."

"Excuse me, I'm not wanting to move into a flat that doesn't have a functioning dining room table."

"Merlin above, if you're going to complain about the dining room table so much, why didn't I just move in here? Installing the fireplace to the Floo Network doesn't take that much to do."

"Because whether I care to admit it or not, you have the nicer flat." She fiddled her wand around and watched the spell tape the box shut pristinely. "Even if it does have a shoddy table."

Peter sat up off the floor. "If you're going to keep talking about dining room tables, can we please do it while sitting at one? I'm starving."

"You're always starving," Lily mumbled, picking up another box.

"No, you haven't let us eat at all today, that's why I'm starving. It's nearly six in the evening."

"Is it really?" Lily asked, turning to face the clock on the wall. Just at that moment, the bell began to chime. "Why didn't anyone say anything?"

"We did," James complained. "You kept telling us to keep packing."

"Well excuse me for being excited to start my life with you," she responded, standing up and reaching a hand out for her fiancé.

"Yeah, you'd better be," James teased, kissing her forehead.

They scarfed down their meal quickly, partly due their famished states, partly because of Lily's insistence that they could finish this all in one day. "I don't care if it takes all night, we're going to get all of the boxes at least packed, though I would still like to just go ahead and move them into the flat."

James took a drink of water and shook his head. "We're not doing that tonight."

"Why?"

"Because it already is tonight!" James cried in such a state of fake despair that Sirius and Peter found themselves laughing along with him. "Any later and it will end up being tomorrow."

"Well then tomorrow, let's unpack—"

"No, we can't do it tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Because I'm exhausted today."

"But—"

The sound of Remus entering interrupted their playful argument. They all turned to face him, relief washing over Sirius immediately. Maybe Remus could talk some sense into Lily and what was expected to occur during day one of moving.

"Hey, Moony," Sirius called, with the others soon following.

"Hi," he replied, more curtly than usual, flopping a newspaper onto the floor as he maneuvered off his shoes. When he stepped further into the light, Sirius noticed that his expression matched his tone. He looked weary, slightly defeated, and… sad?

"Are you alright?" Lily asked, obviously picking up on the same signals.

"Have any of you seen the Prophet today?" Remus asked immediately, tossing the copy onto the table.

"No," James said, picking the copy up. "Why?"

"There was another attack."

Lily leaned over James' shoulder to look at the newspaper with him as the rest of the group fell silent. "Another attack?" she asked. "Didn't they just do one not too long ago?"

"What, you think they keep a schedule?" Remus retorted.

Lily shook her head. "No, it's just closer than normal."

"How many?" Sirius asked.

"Thirteen." Remus sighed, bringing a hand up to rub his face. "All muggle."

Confusion swept over everyone. "All of them?" Sirius repeated.

"Every single one," Remus confirmed grimly. "There isn't even a population of wizards living there."

Lily leaned up, horror etched across her face. "So they were—"

Remus nodded. "They were targeting muggles."

"Where was it at?" Peter asked, craning to get a glimpse of the newspaper as well.

"A small village outside Perth," James spoke, still reading the article.

"Wait," Lily said, moving his arm to get a better read of it. "Outside Perth, it's not…" Her face suddenly paled, and she let out a short breath before closing her eyes. "Oh, Merlin."

"What?" James put the paper down, focusing on her.

She looked right at him. "It's Luncarty."

"What?"

"Luncarty," she repeated. "I was just there. That's where Dumbledore sent me." She sighed, sitting back in her chair. "They must have known I was there."

"What makes you think that?" Peter asked.

"It's too small of a coincidence," Sirius said, picking up the Daily Prophet.

"Exactly," Lily said. "Sure, there's always the possibility that they just happened to choose the exact same place I was at, but the odds are too small." She looked at James, panic filling her eyes. "They knew I was there."

"Let's not jump to conclusions," James said. "Has this happened before?"

Remus shook his head. "Not that I remember."

"But all patterns have to start somewhere," Lily insisted. "Just because this is the first time this happened doesn't mean it won't be the last."

"But just because it happened once doesn't mean it's the start of a pattern," Peter said.

Lily shook her head. "I really think it is."

"But what do they gain from attacking it three weeks after you've left?" Peter questioned. "If they were attacking with intent, wouldn't you be the target?"

"Possibly—"

"Then there you have it."

"But now it's been compromised, and at the cost of thirteen innocent people." Lily's words rang through each person, silence slicing through any person's argument. "We can't use it now," she continued. "No one is going to move to a place that's been attacked. If they were attacking 'with intent,' as you said, then why couldn't the intent be to make it uninhabitable?"

"She's right," Sirius sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "If they start to catch on to where we're trying to find safe places for people to live, the Order is going to fall."

"Then what do we do?" James asked.

"We'll have to come up with better security measures," Remus said. "Something airtight, in case, Merlin forbid, someone decides to turn against us."

"Which means another meeting," James mumbled.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Joy."

"It'll have to be soon, though," Sirius said. "Frank is scheduled to leave next." Looking at James and Lily, he asked, "Do you think you'll be up for one before the big day?"

James looked at his bride-to-be, smiling sadly. "We don't really have a choice. The safety of the people is more important than our wedding."

Sirius watched as Lily nodded tersely, grabbing a hold of James' hand. As a sad look passed between the two of them, Sirius felt his heart clench. It wasn't fair to them, not in the slightest, to have to worry about a war in the week leading up to their wedding. What should be an exciting time of preparation and excitement was now going to be filled with agitation and uneasiness. He knew they weren't naive enough to believe that there would be absolutely no complications, but Order meetings were generally tense and full of constant bickering. It raised tempers as people desperately sought a way to end this war, and often led up to Dumbledore simply making an executive decision.

But it was the right thing to do. They all knew it. They might have hated it, but they all knew it.

"What if we didn't have a wedding?"

The whole table froze at Lily's quiet suggestion. James' face immediately crumbled into one of disbelief, and he leaned closer to her, still grasping her hand. "What?"

She looked around at everyone's shocked faces before turning back to him. "What if, for the safety of everyone, we just elope?"

James' face softened a bit as the realization that she still wanted to be married settled in, but the disbelief still remained. "Why would that be better?"

"I still want to marry you," she affirmed, causing James to give a small smile. "I can't imagine my life without you." She paused a moment, and Sirius noticed a bit of wetness filling her eye as she quickly blinked back the threatening tears. "But I won't want to remember our wedding if it gets attacked. I don't know if I can knowingly ask every member of the Order to gather together in one area when we don't know if someone has told Voldemort that we're all going to be together in one area. If word gets out—"

"Then word gets out."

She shook her head. "James—"

"Look, everyone knows we're engaged. Or at least anyone who was at Hogwarts at the same time as us knows. And anyone who doesn't know that we are knows that I had a slight crush on you, so they wouldn't be surprised." She let out a soft laugh, and he continued, "But everyone who knows that the wedding's happening, knows what day the wedding is, also knows the risk they run by coming. All of the guests coming are doing so because they chose to, not because we forced them."

"It's not that we're forcing them to come, it's that we'll all be in one area that can very easily be taken down."

"Lil', McGonagall's coming, you really think it's going to be easy to take down?"

Lily smiled in spite of herself. "But this attack," she continued, "they knew where I was at. What if—"

"There's always going to be what if's," James said. "And when we look back, we'll probably think about seven different protection spells we could have placed on the building to make it safer. But the people surrounding you right now," he looked towards everyone seated at the table, "and the people on their way know what they're getting into. They're willing to take the risk for us."

Remus nodded. "It's true."

James kissed her hand, still holding onto his. "Listen, if you want to call this off and elope and move to Brazil or Australia or even Antarctica, I'll do it with you in a heartbeat. If you're too worried an attack will come, then I'll understand. I'll never be upset with how I got to begin spending my life with you, just as long as I'm spending my life with you. But in the middle of a war, in the middle of trepidation, in the middle of sadness, sometimes the best way to fight back is through pure joy, through dancing, through unadulterated happiness. Our fight is against one who stands for death. What better way to fight back than through life?"

Lily stared at James intently as he spoke to her, soaking in every word he said. Sirius noticed her features slowly relax and watched as her thumb began to draw small, absentminded circles on his hand. It reminded him of… something.

Who was he kidding. It reminded him of Beth.

"You really want to do this?" she asked.

James' other hand rested on top of hers. "I want to marry you."

And this time, a genuine smile emerged from her. She looked quickly to each person sitting at the table, settling her eyes primarily on Sirius. "And you're all okay with this?"

"Honestly, I'd be offended if you didn't have the big grand ceremony, considering how much time you've spent on deciding what cake to have," Remus teased.

"Moony's right," Peter agreed. "There's no better way to fight back than cake."

She nodded, looking back towards James. "Have the wedding then?"

"Best way to fight," James replied.

"We can increase security?"

"We'll bring it up at the meeting," he promised. "I'm sure Frank and Alice have ideas about what worked best for their wedding."

She nodded once more before asking, "And if everyone dies?"

"If everyone dies," Remus interrupted, "then we'll haunt those bloody death eaters until they die too."

Everyone cheered at that but Sirius, who instead remained motionless in his seat as Lily immediately set to work on creating the safest place possible. Increased security measures meant an obvious use of wands. It meant apparition wards, it meant charms surrounding each part of the venue, and it meant each guest having an assigned duty if attackers did come. It didn't settle well with him. Sure, they were needed, but there was one thing, or person, rather, that everyone seemed to be forgetting about.

"What are we going to tell Beth?"

Lily halted, turning to face James. "I'd forgotten about Beth."

"She doesn't know a thing," Sirius reminded them. "If she's going to come, we'll have to tell her. There's no way we can hide all the charms and wards from her, not this time."

"Are you certain?" Lily asked. "She never seemed to notice the one surrounding James' flat."

"Okay, then how are we to explain all of the people surrounding her talking about a war?"

"We do what we'd originally planned on," James said. "Make sure that no one talks about it around her and keep her away from people who might blow it."

"But in our original plan, there wasn't an attack a week before the wedding," Sirius mentioned.

"We also didn't have you dating her in the original plan," Remus murmured. "But sometimes complications come up."

"What are you saying?" Sirius balked.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "You want to be the one to tell her that by dating a high profile blood traitor she could very well have a target on her forehead?"

"Yeah, well, we're not dating anymore."

"You think that's going to matter to Voldemort?"

Sirius raised his hands up in disbelief. "What is going on here? How did this suddenly become an attack on me?"

"Alright, alright, enough," James interrupted. "Accusing each other is going to get us nowhere, and frankly we have a much bigger problem on our hands than deciding who's to blame."

Sirius broke away the glare he was holding towards Remus and sighed, dropping his head into his hands. He wouldn't ever admit it, but Remus was right. There was no telling what Voldemort's men knew. Sure, he'd obliviated the death eater they'd come into contact with that day at the zoo, but he also knew that the Order had secrets stashed away that the others—hopefully—had no idea about. Beth could very well be a target, and he would have no one but himself to blame for it. The words she'd said the night they broke up were emerging back into his mind, as they had been for the past couple of weeks now. This time, though, they felt like stab wounds, piercing away at his resolve. Why do you have to make this about you? she'd asked. When has this relationship ever not been about you? He'd reacted with anger, insisting it wasn't true, but she was right. He'd used her, made her a beacon of hope and a light in his dark life, trying to milk out any ounce of happiness he could get from her. He'd expected too much of her, wanted perfection, and instead received a human being with flaws and problems of her own. She'd wanted friendship. He wanted a distraction. He'd essentially talked her into a relationship, and now her life could be on the line for it.

He sighed. This pining nonsense was getting to be too much.

"Sirius."

Peter's voice interrupted his thoughts, and he brought his attention to his friend. "Yeah?"

"You alright?"

He looked around the table, noticing everyone staring at him in expectance. Clearing his throat, he said, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Peter nodded once, but Sirius knew he didn't buy it. Peter chose to ignore it, though, and asked, "What do you think we should do?"

Sirius took a breath in. What would be best for her? "I think she's too inquisitive to tell her nothing. She'd catch on at the wedding pretty quickly that something was up."

"So what," James asked. "You want to tell her that we're involved in a war?"

He paused for a moment before shaking his head. "I think we should tell her everything."

James looked down at his conjoined hands. "Everything?" he repeated.

"Everything."

James took in a deep breath, looking straight at him. "I've managed to keep this a secret from her for as long as I've known her," he said. "Is the best option really—"

"James, you know it is," Lily said. "She'll understand."

"I have no doubt that she'll understand," James replied. "What I do doubt is her ability to completely forgive the lies we've all told her. We had systems, plans in place for this wedding organized months ago. I thought we'd decided the only way we were going to change it is if she somehow fell in love with you."

The way James worded it made Sirius flinch. Somehow. As if it weren't possible.

"I mean, she's not, is she?"

Sirius thought back to how she asked him to leave. He shook his head. "No. She's not."

"Then is it absolutely necessary?"

"Prongs, the poor girl has no idea that anything is going on." Remus shifted to face him more. "We can't leave her completely oblivious to this when there's a chance she could get hurt. Think of this as another way to keep her safe."

"We'll all help tell her," Peter offered. "It won't just be one person going in."

James looked towards Lily with questioning eyes. She nodded. "I think it's the best option we have to keep her safe."

He sighed and said, resigned, "Then we'll tell her."

"How are you holding up?"

Sirius looked at Peter with a sad smile as they meandered down the street to their apparition spot. "Not too well."

"It's starting to get to you, is it?"

Sirius shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "It's been at me."

Peter nodded and walked alongside him, step for step. The sense of his friend being in solidarity with him, even if just in a walking gait, was somehow cathartic. Sirius looked ahead of him, trying to push back the thoughts of Beth that were now pressing into every corner and crevice of his mind. He figured they wouldn't stop anytime soon.

"You think the talk will go well?"

"I hope it does."

They had only walked a couple of steps further when Peter stopped and turned to face him. "Are you hoping that by talking to her it'll fix things?"

Sirius stopped at that and stared down his friend. "What are you saying?"

"I think that even though she may not be in love with you, you've started to fall for her."

Sirius looked around, uncomfortable at Peter's bluntness. "Wormtail, do we have to talk about this now?"

"I don't know of any other time that we could."

Sirius sighed, looking at his friend tiredly. "I'm not in love with Beth."

Peter eyed him curiously. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm the one who ended things with her," he defended.

"But you didn't want to."

"It's not about what I did or didn't want," he snapped. He needed to walk, needed to clear his thoughts as much as possible.

Peter, however, followed. "Then what is it about?"

"It's easier this way," he mumbled. He started picking up his pace, desperate to get home. "She's able to focus on finishing her practice, on the things she needs, and I—I need to focus on preparing for this war and training and… it's just easier, Wormtail. That's all there is to it."

"So this talk, then," Peter prodded, "it won't include an explanation of how the war affected your relationship?

Sirius felt agitation rising like vomit at his unceasing questioning. "I don't know, maybe. It would certainly help explain things. Maybe get me on better terms with her."

"So that you can admit you're in love with her?"

He turned around sharply, addressing Peter at his full height, feeling slightly powerful at the way he began to slightly flinch away. Peter had always had trouble sticking up to someone who he knew was stronger than him, and Sirius took advantage of it now, glaring at his friend intensely. "I am not. In love. With Beth."

"Okay, okay, okay," Peter said quickly, cowering away slightly until Sirius was no longer looming over him. The way he had quickly scurried a couple of feet apart from him shocked Sirius back into reality, and he silently berated himself for using Peter's weakness against him like that. This was his friend, not someone dangerous.

"Sorry," he murmured, slouching against a post and bringing a hand up to his face. "I'm sorry. It's hard moving on when everyone talks about her. I literally cannot get her out of my head. I acted out, I apologize."

Peter seemed to recognize the sincere apology and nodded his acceptance. Stepping slightly closer to him, he said, "Might I suggest something, then?"

"What?"

"You're not in love with Beth," Peter clarified. "And you're trying to get over her, yes?" After Sirius nodded once, he said, "Then I think what you need to do is not mention anything about how this war affected the relationship you had."

Sirius furrowed his brow, returning his hands into his pockets. "What, and leave her in the dark about everything? Make her think that I'm still—"

"Make her think that you broke up for purely selfish reasons," he interrupted. "That's the only way you'll keep her truly safe. If she finds out that all of your reasons for being frustrated at her staying at work late were because you couldn't keep watch over her, or because you saw a friend of Lestrange enter the building, she'll realize that you were doing it to keep her safe. She'll be grateful, extremely grateful, and you'll end up back on happy terms if not back together, and then she'll feel more of a reason to come back here and accept the job they offered, and then you'll have death eaters for sure finding out about her, and then we'll almost assuredly have another attack, but this time, it'll be on you two."

Sirius took in everything Peter said, sadly realizing that everything he said was true. He hadn't even realized that the real reason behind him getting so angry with her working late was because he couldn't watch over her. That was what this whole summer had been about, hadn't it? Keeping her safe? All of the precautions enacted, all possible scenarios drafted, and they'd managed to hide her from Voldemort's army, except for the one time they'd ran into one. Peter was right. He hadn't ever gotten upset over her working until that first attack when he realized that he wouldn't always be there to shelter her. The thought had terrified him. That, then, had to have been the reason why he felt the need to leave so quickly after seeing Lestrange's friend walk through the door. The chance of another attack, the possibility of not keeping her safe, that was what, ironically, kept her safe. If she were to move here, it would "almost assuredly" be for nothing.

"You're right," Sirius said. "You're right. I can't let her know."

Peter nodded. "The best way to keep her safe is to tell her as little as possible."

Thoughts, too many thoughts about how many different ways this could end badly engulfed his mind. He shook his head, trying to clear them away. "I hadn't even thought…"

"Well, luckily for us, you're not the brain of the Marauders," he smirked, clapping Sirius on the back. "Come on," he motioned, walking back down the sidewalk. "Let's get going."

Sirius followed after him, soon settling into the gait they had earlier. "Thanks for that," he offered. "Back there. Probably," he laughed, trying to ignore the unsettled tone it had to it, "probably should have just not dated her at all, huh?"

Peter turned his head towards him. "You regret it?"

Sirius looked down at the ground, sifting through all of the memories he had stored away while trying to keep in mind all that Peter had told him. But every time he managed to overthrow a thought of her smile, her laugh, or her genuine inquisitiveness, a different one popped up. And suddenly, despite all of the warnings given and knowledge of the difficult conversation they were about to have with her and the seemingly relentless days he'd spent pining, all he could see was Beth.

"No. I don't."

A/N: Hello you lovely people! I hope you've all enjoyed this sudden spurt of me updating like a monster, because I certainly have! James and Lily's wedding is so close, can you believe it? Things are progressing, and there's still so much more to go!

Did you catch Peter low key being a bit of a snake? I was having trouble incorporating him into the story, but as I began writing his dialogue, I realized he was too much fun to write. As troublesome as he is, it's important to remember that he WAS friends with them, so balancing his conflicting views was a blast. Definitely expect to see him pop up more!

To my dear Nimblescrivener, thank you for not judging me went I sent this to you in a haze at 3 in the morning.

Please remember to favorite, follow, and review! I love hearing your reactions to this story. Let me know what you think!

I think you can all guess what will come up next. How do you think it's going to go?